111: Advocating for LGBTQ Youth in School – Michelle Belke

Summary: Michelle Belke currently works as a Mental Health School Counsellor at an independent school in Metro Detroit, Michigan. She has a part-time private practice in psychotherapy and sex therapy in Birmingham, Michigan. In her school setting, Michelle does a lot to make students feel comfortable coming to her and discussing sexuality and sexual identity, such as decorating her office with pride symbols and doing outreach through the school, and even setting up the school’s first Gay-Straight Alliance (GSA) and that a surprisingly large amount of her work for the school deals with LGBTQ+ issues and concerns. <br><br>Forming Gay-Straight Alliances <br>She shares that the GSA she and some students created at her school, is not an official Gay-Straight Alliance, but it serves the same purpose. Belke mentions that Gay-Straight Alliances are a key element in helping sexual minorities feel safe while on school grounds especially for transgender students but to all LGBTQ+ students in a broader sense, the risk of violence and suicide is much higher than in the general population. Michelle believes a GSA creates a safe space to discuss and find support amongst other LGBTQ+ students and allies, increasing the feeling of safety marginalized students can feel on school property. According to Belke, independent schools can be more conservative than public schools. In her case, establishing a GSA necessitated a group of students directly approaching the administration in person and making a case for the group’s establishment. Belke is careful to make clear that a GSA isn’t for talking about sex all the time but is meant to establish a safe place for sexual minorities. <br><br>The Student Counseling Interview Process<br>Michelle openly tells us that she’s often the first person LGBTQ+ students at her school speak to about their sexual identity. When speaking with people in these groups, she suggests listening without judgement, moving at the student’s pace, and reinforcing the confidential status of the counselling relationship. When young people are discussing their identities, Michelle is always sure to ask them what those identities mean to them, and often begins by asking how living as that identity feels to them. She also covers what to do about parental involvement with the student, whether it’s informing the parents of their child’s identity (with permission!), finding ways to resolve sexuality-based problems children are having with their parents or educating the parents about ways to be more supportive or involved. <br><br>Gender Pronouns and Their Use <br>Michelle discusses multiple points of interest when talking with students about their pronouns. Her first step is to introduce her identity and mention her pronouns before asking for the student’s pronouns. Then she asks which pronouns the students use—not which pronouns they prefer, but which pronouns they use—because their identity is not a preference. We learn that acknowledging pronouns is a profound way to establish respect and demonstrate acceptance. Our dominant culture can be very binary, Michelle highlights the importance of not pigeonholing your children into these identities, clothing items, occupations and manners of play that may not be appropriate for them. She reminds us that people may not only be transgender, but they might also be gender nonconforming or not identify with the concept of gender at all. She mentions gender-neutral pronouns as a solution to these issues. Despite advocating for the importance of showing respect by considering others’ pronouns, she admits that pronouns can be hard for parents and teachers to remember all the time. Her advice if you forget, is to own the mistake, apologize, correct yourself, and try to do better next time. <br><br>Is it a Phase? <br>Michelle says that regardless of whether a sexual or gender identity sticks for life, the important thing is validating and accepting where the students are when...