One Couple’s Journey Through Sexual Addiction | An Interview with Chris & Autumn Bennett

Summary: Autumn was born and raised in Utah. She met Chris while they were in high school. They have three children, and she is very creative and crafty. Chris also grew up in Utah. When he was of mission age, he told his bishop that he wasn’t going to serve. At a baseball game that same day he very nonchalantly proposed marriage to Autumn. They had been best friends but hadn’t even gone on a single date.<br> Highlights<br> Chris’ Story<br> 6:00 Introduction to pornography and masturbation<br> <br> <br> * 6:20 Differences in accessibility between then and now.<br> * 6:50 Shame caused him to keep it secret. He wanted to approach his bishop but didn’t know how.<br> * 7:30 Sexuality was not openly discussed in his family.<br> * 8:20 He began seeking out pornography<br> * 9:30 Decision made not to serve a mission<br> <br> 10:15 Avoidance tips and how to help your children: have an open relationship with your children, sons and daughters<br> <br> <br> * 10:45 Framing the question: “When was the last time…” as opposed to “If”.<br> * 11:15 Don’t let this be a taboo subject. Statistics show that 90% of children are exposed to pornography by age 9.<br> * 12:00 Talking about these subjects all along mitigates the shame of approaching parents when something happens.<br> * 12:20 When something happens, first express love.<br> * 12:45 Talking to the bishop is not a bad or shameful thing, but is a normal part of the healing process.<br> <br> 17:20 Thought getting married would make addictions go away. Most of his friends in recovery had the same belief.<br> 19:00 Called as ward Young Men president. Addictions triggered, multiple affairs began.<br> 21:20 First meeting with bishop after getting caught, getting released, and the disciplinary council. Wanted to keep from his wife. Confessed only to the one affair, kept all else secret.<br> 23:30 Example of the “addict brain”: he prayed to be excommunicated so that upon rebaptism he could be forgiven of all the other things which he had not disclosed.<br> 29:00 Disfellowshipped. Starts marriage counseling.<br> 29:30 Autumn confronts him about additional affairs, is hospitalized for a suicide attempt. Bargains with God to stop all bad behavior if Autumn lives. She survives. Chris begins disclosing most of his secrets to Autumn.<br> 35:00 Breaking those promises to God.<br> 36:00 The wisdom of allowing time to pass between a traumatic event and holding a disciplinary council. A buffer of time allows for stability and opportunity for spiritual healing.<br> 36:40 Chris’ disciplinary councils were some the most spiritual experiences he’s ever had, and allowed him to feel God’s love, with the love of those in the council.<br> 37:35 Excommunicated.<br> 48:30 Church-sponsored Addiction Recovery Program (ARP) meetings: bishops are encouraged to attend shortly after being called so that they can refer individuals with knowledge of the resource.<br> 1:02:10 Autumn empowers him to finally disclose every detail during a therapy session. True healing begins. Autumn and Chris start their therapy from square one, the real starting point for their recovery.<br> 1:08:00 After full disclosure, commits 100% to church and Autumn. Focuses on falling back in love with her, by<br> <br> <br> * Checking in with her daily.<br> * Praying daily, asking for help to love her again.<br> * Studying his scriptures every night and finding personal application, which he then communicated with Autumn.<br> * 10 years sober, still maintains these habits.<br> <br> 1:12:00 Finally gives self to Christ.<br> 1:13:15 Leaders are there to empathize, connect, and to love--not to fix. Leaders assist members in coming to a point where they are ready to give themselves to Christ. Until members embrace “the formula” for themselves (read, pray, go to church),