Summary: <br> <br> I’ve always considered myself non-confrontational and have done my best to avoid conflict. In researching ways to teach kids conflict resolution skills, I’ve discovered that avoidance is actually a choice on the “Conflict Resolution Wheel.” I’m primarily a “walk away” or “go play with somebody else” conflict resolver. <br> And, perhaps because I try to “use kind words and a friendly voice” most of the time, I’m able to steer clear of many conflict situations. I know that my technique is not always the best way to resolve conflicts, nor has it worked in every situation, so I’ve learned to “talk together & work it out” with people in my life who are important to me. Because people aren’t perfect and relationships are messy, we all need to learn how to better resolve conflicts.<br> What kind of conflict resolver are you?<br> What about your kids? How do they resolve conflicts?<br> Over my <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/about-2/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">three decades at camp</a> working with thousands of kids and teens, I’ve noticed that kids have become less and less adept at solving their own problems and conflicts. They are quick to involve adults and call other kids names (<a title="It’s Not All Bullying" href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2014/06/28/its-not-all-bullying/" target="_blank">“bully”</a> is a favorite).<br> I think they’ve become so accustomed to constant adult supervision that they are prone to seek it immediately, especially when they’re in an <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2016/07/09/why-kids-need-to-get-uncomfortable/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">uncomfortable</a> situation. There’s nothing wrong with seeking direction, especially when adult intervention is needed, but I want to be sure our counselors are armed with good skills for giving campers guidance on conflict resolution, rather than just providing kids with the solution itself. All too often, we parents tend to rescue our kids from conflict; at camp, kids have a great opportunity to learn to <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2017/08/08/5-steps-raising-problem-solver/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">solve such challenges</a> on their own. One of our goals, then, is to prepare counselors to teach campers conflict resolution strategies, which the kids can use in similar situations at home (like with their siblings!).<br> 5 Steps to Resolve Conflicts<br> <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2016/10/17/10-ways-teach-kids-calm/" target="_blank">CALM DOWN</a><a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2016/10/17/10-ways-teach-kids-calm/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"></a><br> Give everyone a chance to take a breather from each other. Ask them each what they need to do to calm down. The “wheel” offers some good choices, like walking away and taking a break for a few minutes, counting to 10 (or 100!), or writing down some feelings. In any case, nothing coherent will come from trying to lead a discussion with upset, emotionally fragile kids. So ask them to figure out the best way to calm down before attempting to solve the problem.<br> <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2017/08/08/5-steps-raising-problem-solver/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">STATE & UNDERSTAND THE PROBLEM</a><br> <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2017/08/08/5-steps-raising-problem-solver/" target="_blank" rel="noopener"></a>Once calm has prevailed, talk to each child (either together or separately, depending on the circumstances) and help them state their problem. Stress the importance of being honest and admitting their role in the conflict (most problems are shared). Encourage them to use “I” statements to express their feelings. For example, “I felt left out and hurt because he wouldn’t let me play the card game, so I threw his towel to annoy him.”<br> <a href="http://sunshine-parenting.com/2016/09/30/more-than-im-sorry/" target="_blank">APOLOGIZE WELL</a><br>
