Summary: <br> It is really important to shine the light on actual bullying behavior when it is toxic, relentless and cruel. But if we mistake things that are rude, joking or even mean and over-label them as bullying, then we are going to stop paying attention to bullying just as fast as it came into the spotlight. That’s a real disservice to the kids that are feeling the real toxic stress of what is actually ‘bullying’.<br> Signe Whitson<br> In Episode 66, I’m talking with Signe Whitson. I first learned of Signe when reading her article in Psychology Today entitled, <a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/passive-aggressive-diaries/201211/is-it-rude-is-it-mean-or-is-it-bullying" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Is it Rude, Is it Mean, Is it Bullying?</a> Her article resonated, because I, too, have experienced both kids and parents using the term “bullying” for social situations that don’t meet the criteria for bullying. I found Signe’s insights, experience, and advice incredibly helpful, and I hope you do, too!<br> ABOUT SIGNE<br> Signe Whitson is a certified school social worker, author, and internationally-recognized speaker with 20 years of experience working with children, teens, and families. She presents customized training <a href="http://www.signewhitson.com/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">workshops</a> for professionals, parents, and students on topics related to understanding and ending <a href="http://signewhitson.com/books/bullying-in-elementary-school/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">bullying</a>, managing <a href="http://signewhitson.com/books/how-to-be-angry/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">anger in children</a>, changing <a href="http://signewhitson.com/workshop-and-speaking/the-angry-smile/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">passive aggressive behavior</a>, and intervening effectively in <a href="http://signewhitson.com/workshop-and-speaking/life-space-crisis-intervention-training/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">crisis</a> situations in schools and treatment organizations.<br> BIG IDEAS<br> 1. Not all bad behavior is bullying. What is the difference between behavior that is rude, mean or bullying?<br> <br> * Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.<br> * Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice.) It typically occurs after a disagreement between friends or teammates.<br> * Bullying = Involves the 3 Ps: Purpose (intentionally aggressive behavior), Pattern (repeated over time) and Power (an imbalance of power, particularly social power).<br> <br> 2. Flip the conversation. When kids report bullying behavior, instead of treating them as victims, empower them to view the situation with compassion. Instill empathy by discussing what could be going on with the other person. Help your child recognize that sometimes kids lash out when they are struggling within themselves.<br> 3. Empathy and kindness are the antidotes to bullying. Focus on promoting positive behaviors, such as giving compliments and celebrating each others’ victories.<br> 4. Young people are going to have to learn to deal with rude or mean people throughout their lives. We can teach them the skills they need to know what they’re dealing with and learn how to stand up for themselves.<br> 5. When kids report bullying behavior:<br> <br> * “Don’t just do something, stand there.” <a href="https://culturesofdignity.com/portfolio/queen-bees-and-wannabees/" target="_blank" rel="noopener">Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees and Wannabes</a>. Don’t freak out. When parents overreact, it exacerbates their child’s stress level. Be silent and listen. Resist the urge to rush in and fix the situation.<br> * Say, “I am so sorry that happened to you” or “That is really hurtful when people say things like that.” Show sympathy.<br> * Always thank the child for reporting bullying behavior. It takes a lot of courage. Typically,
