Summary: This Level Two episode is all about the reasons why people have sex, perfect for families with teenagers. When I teach in schools and ask young people why people have sex, the most common response is pleasure. Sex is for pleasure. Sex is supposed to feel good - which means that if it doesn't feel good, it should stop. Pleasure is subjective, too, which is why it's important to learn to communicate about sex. In 2007 researchers Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss published a paper titled Why Humans Have Sex.” They asked 444 people from ages 17 - 52 to list the reasons they or someone they know have sex. Here are some of the reasons they found: It feels good My friends pressured me into it I wanted to feel connected to the person The person had a lot of money It seemed like the natural next step in my relationship I wanted to brag to friends I wanted to have a child I realized I was in love It would damage my reputation if I said ‘‘no’’ I wanted to show my affection to the person I wanted to please my partner I was drunk I was attracted to the person I wanted to make up after a fight I wanted to breakup another’s relationship Someone forced me Do you think all of those reasons I listed are good reasons to have sex, or bad reasons to have sex? Are they a complicated mixture? If they are, that's OK, because sex is complicated. Sex is complicated because people are complicated. That’s why we’re talking about it. I have sex for different reasons: Pleasure Pleasure for my partner To feel closer with my husband To focus on my body Because it is a gift for myself and my partner There are reasons I choose not to have sex, too: Obligation Manage feelings like loneliness or self-doubt I also choose not to have sex when either myself or my partner has been drinking. Why are we talking about this? We are talking about this because it’s just as important for people to think about the reasons they want to have sex as it is to think about the reasons they don't want to have sex. Thinking about it allows us to think about how sex intersects with our personal values. The episode ends with conversation starters. “If you choose to have sex, why? What do you think sex is for?” “If you don’t choose to have sex, why not? What some reasons to avoid sex?” Thanks for listening. Make sure to rate and review the podcast on iTunes and become a Patron at www.patreon.com/sexpositiveparent to book private coaching sessions!
