Summary: <p>Love Me Don’t Leave Me<br> Addressing Fears of Abandonment<br> Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes PhD, LPC-MHSP, LMHC<br> Executive Director, AllCEUs<br> *Based in part on Love Me Don’t Leave Me by Michelle Skeen, PsyD.</p> <p> </p> <p>Counseling CEUs can be earned for this presentation at <a href="https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/517/c/">https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/517/c/</a></p> <p>Objectives<br> ~ Help clients increase awareness of their story including beliefs about and behavioral reactions to situations that trigger your fear of abandonment<br> ~ Learn about fear of abandonment<br> ~ Explore the concept of schemas or core beliefs<br> ~ Examine common traps in thinking, reacting and relationships<br> ~ Learn skills necessary to<br> ~ Accept their past as part of their story<br> ~ Acknowledge that their past does not have to continue to negatively impact them in the present</p> <p>How It Impacts Recovery<br> ~ Connection is a basic human need<br> ~ As infants and children, survival was dependent upon the relationship with the primary caregiver<br> ~ People’s beliefs about other people and relationships was formed largely based on their interactions with their caregivers<br> ~ Healthy relationships serve as a buffer against stress</p> <p>How It Impacts Recovery<br> ~ Addressing beliefs that formed as a result of these relationships will help people:<br> ~ Create a new understanding of these events<br> ~ Better understand themselves and their reactions<br> ~ Help them make more conscious, healthy decisions in their current relationships</p> <p>Abandonment Experience<br> ~ In childhood, survival depends on caregivers.<br> ~ Fear of abandonment is a natural survival response<br> ~ Meeting biological needs and safety are key triggers for anxiety at any age.<br> ~ When focused on survival people cannot focus elsewhere<br> ~ Every stressful situation becomes a crisis in the insecurely attached child</p> <p>Abandonment Experience<br> ~ In infancy/early childhood, caregivers were:<br> ~ Away for long periods (Work, military, jail, choice, death)<br> ~ Been inconsistently or unpredictably physically or emotionally present. (emotional distress, addiction, ill equipped to deal with a child)<br> ~ In later childhood<br> ~ Poor family fit/black-sheep<br> ~ Trauma that ruptures the relationship with the primary caregiver<br> ~ Introduction of a new, less emotionally or physically safe caregiver</p> <p> </p> <p>Reactions to Fears of Abandonment<br> ~ Fight or flight<br> ~ Anger toward someone who is unavailable<br> ~ Sadness (helplessness) when someone goes away<br> ~ Shame (Self anger) about feeling needy<br> ~ Fear<br> ~ Rejection/isolation<br> ~ Loss of control/the unknown<br> ~ Failure<br> ~ Questions for clients<br> ~ What caused these fears as a child? How were they reasonable/helpful.<br> ~ What causes these fears now? How are they unhelpful?<br> Temperament<br> ~ Based on their temperament, children need different types and amounts of caregiver interaction<br> ~ Wide open and easily overstimulated<br> ~ The energizer bunny<br> ~ The introvert<br> ~ The extrovert<br> ~ If abandonment fears are triggered in early childhood, it can be addressed.</p> <p>*It is important to pay attention to the behaviors that are being reinforced<br> Schemas</p> <p>~ Based on their needs and caregivers reactions, children form schemas or core beliefs about the world and others<br> ~ Important points about children under 7:<br> (ages 8-12 children are developing alternate cognitive skills)<br> ~ Children think dichotomously<br> ~ Children are egocentric<br> ~ Children can only focus on one aspect at a time<br> ~ Children cannot think abstractly (consider other “possible” options)</p> <p>Schemas<br> ~ A broad way of perceiving things based upon memories, feelings, thoughts<br> ~ Schemas that trig</p>
