Summary: <p>Assertiveness Skills<br> Presented by: Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes<br> Executive Director, AllCEUs</p> <p>Counseling continuing education credits can be earned for this presentation at <a href="https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/34/c/">https://www.allceus.com/member/cart/index/product/id/34/c/</a></p> <p>Objectives<br> ~ Define Assertiveness<br> ~ Overcoming the Stress Barrier<br> ~ Overcoming the Social Barrier<br> ~ Overcoming the Belief Barrier<br> ~ Reality Check<br> ~ Nonverbal behavior<br> ~ Giving your opinion<br> ~ Giving constructive (not critical) feedback<br> ~ Making requests without trying to control<br> What is Assertiveness<br> ~ Assertiveness means stating your feelings, wants and needs<br> ~ Clearly<br> ~ With ownership<br> ~ With conviction…. (but…I don’t know…)<br> Why is Assertiveness Important<br> ~ When you are passive or aggressive, your feelings wants and needs are often not heard<br> ~ This lead to feelings of:<br> ~ Isolation<br> ~ Resentment/Anger<br> ~ Depression/Helplessness<br> The Stress Barrier: Fight, Flee or Freeze<br> ~ Becoming assertive is stressful<br> ~ You have to change the way you interact with others<br> ~ Others have to change the way they interact with you<br> ~ In the past when you were in a stressful situation did you withdraw? Become aggressive? Shut down?<br> ~ The stress response is designed to protect you<br> ~ Ignoring the urge to fight or flee is extremely difficult until assertiveness has proven itself.</p> <p>The Social Barrier<br> ~ People in your social circle expect you to act and react a certain way.<br> ~ Changing your behavior confuses other people<br> ~ Our egocentric society leads people to expect that if you change your behavior, it has to do with THEM<br> ~ People strive for consistency.<br> ~ If you used to be aggressive, they may interpret the change as depression, disengagement or exploitable weakness<br> ~ If you used to be passive, they may interpret the change as rejection and push away<br> The Belief Barrier<br> ~ Reality is 90% perception and 10% fact<br> ~ Our interpretations greatly influence our reactions<br> ~ What influences interpretations<br> ~ Vulnerabilities (pain, exhaustion)<br> ~ Prior learning experience<br> ~ Transference and overgeneralization<br> ~ The other person’s nonverbals<br> Threat Assessment<br> ~ Failure to be assertive stems from:<br> ~ Prior efforts to be assertive being punished<br> ~ Fear of rejection<br> ~ Need for external validation</p> <p>Reality Check<br> ~ Checking your automatic or current beliefs against reality<br> ~ What is my perception of what is going on?<br> ~ What evidence do I have for and against this perception?<br> ~ What were the words?<br> ~ What were the nonverbals?<br> ~ How valid is that evidence?<br> ~ Am I reacting to feelings or FACTS?<br> ~ Am I magnifying or catastrophizing?<br> ~ Have I stated my feelings and needs objectively and clearly?</p> <p>Nonverbals<br> Giving Your Opinion<br> ~ We all have opinions.<br> ~ Opinions are qualitative (good, bad, fair, helpful…)<br> ~ Opinions are a combination of the current situation PLUS prior learning<br> ~ Own your opinion<br> ~ Good opinions are based in fact. (…because…)<br> ~ Support your opinion with evidence<br> ~ Did you like that movie?<br> ~ Yes (or no), because…<br> ~ If the opinion is negative, identify what you would change<br> ~ Respect other’s opinions<br> Constructive Feedback<br> ~ Constructive feedback is objective and measurable.<br> ~ Lazy vs. has failed to complete his assignments for the past 3 weeks<br> ~ Stupid vs. Has difficulty with following basic instructions for opening his register<br></p>
