Summary: Co-parenting: Summer Vacation This past Saturday was the junior senior prom at our local high school. My son is a junior this year, that's grade 11 for you non-US folks, and this was his first time attending. He was dressed in a sharp gray suit with a red vest, and his date had a frilly red dress. The kids had a wonderful time. Many parents devoted dozens of hours to making prom night a special evening. Just like an event like a prom takes cooperation and hard work from many people, successfully parenting your children after divorce takes cooperation and hard work as well. With summer vacation coming up here in the US, working together is essential to keep your kid’s lives as stress-free as possible. Kids need both parents involved in their lives if at all possible. Men and women bring a different perspective to life that is beneficial for the child. Actually just having two individuals is helpful because opposites attract and a child will have the opportunity to see how different individuals handle situations. Now I know some of you want desperately to be an active part of your kid’s lives. But your ex is having making that difficult for whatever reason and there are others who wish their ex would be more involved I was fortunate that, although not always ideal, my ex and I have been able to co-parent effectively. But to those of you who do have another parent involved, at least for visitations, here are tips to make this summer better for everyone involved. Visitation If you and your ex live far enough apart that a standard visitation/custody arrangement just isn't possible, your children will likely spend an extended time with their other parent over the summer. It's important that you are supportive of this. As I stated before, kids need time with both parents. And by supportive, I mean totally be supportive. Don't tell your kids things like, "I wish you didn't have to go" or "It's only three weeks then you get to come home" even if that's how you feel. Instead tell them they are going with your blessing and encourage them to have fun Use this time without parent duties for some much-needed "you" time. Do things that are difficult when your children are home, sleep in, go out with friends, get lost in a good book, tackle a project around the house that you've been putting off for lack of time, etc. If you have a plan and are looking forward to some alone time it will make it much easier for you to send your kids away for a few weeks. Vacations Summer is the season of family vacations. One of the few perks of having divorced parents is the opportunity to have two separate vacations. You need to plan your vacation dates early. You will need to work with your ex on this so that your dates won't converge. It's also a must to be flexible with the visitation schedule. Vacations often require coordinating multiple work schedules and kid's schedules. If your ex request a vacation time that would be when you normally have your kids, be accommodating. The more you can work with your ex, the better your kids’ lives will be. Sports While sports can be a year-round activity for some kids, summer is an exceptionally busy time. Baseball, softball, soccer, etc. all could have multiple games per week. If you live close by, make it a priority to be involved with your children's activities. If you are a long distance parent, stay informed via phone calls, Facebook, etc. Summer Camp If your kids regularly attended church camps, Scout camps, or any of the dozens of other camps, make sure they get to continue these activities after the divorce if at all possible. The more your kids can stay involved in their pre-divorce activities, the better their adjustment will be. Finances After having just said to keep your kids involved in their pre-divorce activities, if it doesn't make sense financially, don't do it. There are times when you must make tough decisions. If you have to put the summer camp fees on a credit card,
