Hawaiian Punchlines

Arab culture has given us many gifts, from the bewildering, like algebra, to the intrusive, like alcohol. Booze can be both a cure and a complaint. It can cause proposals and divorces, serenity and bloodshed. It oils the wheels and slams on the brakes. It is giddy with power, yet bereft of responsibility. A shameless mistress indeed.....

We live in the rainiest town in America. I have mold where amoeba fear to tread. So once in a while, when the yard looks like a melted hockey rink, we drive over to Kona, known in these parts as 'The Bright Side', where tourists swallow Mai Tais and ersatz Polynesian culture in equal measure.

I am in an abusively passive-aggressive, co-dependent relationship.....with the internet. It pummels me with requests, admonitions and sometimes even flattery and I let it walk all over me. I'd complain to my congressman, if I could find his email address.

'Middle age' and 'overweight' seem to go together like 'peanut butter' and 'jelly'. Like so many others who seek deliverance from the sin of gluttony, I try to diet and being a little slow-witted, am always chasing yesteryear's fad: "Paging Mr. Atkins!..........."

There's a lot to be said for slipping and groping your way along a river trail in Hawaii, and believe me I said it, loudly, every time I fell over.

Slippahs (or flip-flops) are as ubiquitous in Hawaii as lava and tattoos. Anyone here who does not own at least three pairs is either severely disabled or German.

Mauna Kea, Hawaii's 14,000 ft. tall mountain, towers over the island like a benign god. On its head are littered silver beads, which, on closer inspection, turn out to constitute one of the greatest arrays of optical telescopes in the world.

Sometimes our fifteen minutes of fame can seem like fifteen hours. This podcast is the story of my experience on that most popular of gameshows, Jeopardy. An experience I'd happily exchange for a small kiss from Vanna White.

Living under the shadow of a volcano can be testing. When the conditions are 'just so', one lungfull of its noxious gases will make you feel like you've run a mile along Santa Monica Boulevard during rush hour. Naturally though, there are benefits........

A Sunday morning romp through the foliage of Hawaii to the most spectacular valley Hawaii has to offer - Waipio - the valley of kings, or in our case, the valley of a great big albino dog.

The culture shocks and aftershocks of arriving on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Following the bustle of the city and the hustle of its citizens, the calm of the remote town and even more remote inhabitants.

 My dad knows a lot about cars.  Most of my friends know a lot about cars.  I know where to put the gas (sometimes).  So, when we went to purchase a used vehicle, I stood behind the Speaker of the House and checked out the lurid pattern on the salesman’s tie, while she did the actual, you know -buying.

  Once in a while the Speaker of the House (My wife) and I like to feign wealth.  We are not very good at it, but we did make one little trip over to a luxurious resort on the Kona coast.  There is nothing like a spot of pampering to promote a false sense of entitlement.  Just ask the missus.

East Hawaii is a land of curious people.  There are moonbeams, ferns, rainbows and sunsets here (And those are just the girls’ names)  At any given time on any given street you can meet folks who will flip your perspectives, and dance a jig while they do so.  This podcast is my homage to some of them.