Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

Feel like you are shopping too much? Want to bring a minimalist approach and mindset into how you shop? Every season we seem to be bombarded with the latest fashion trends - a marketing strategy that fast fashion uses to get us to keep buying all the latest colours and patterns.  I know I feel like I need to buy a new wardrobe each season and need to remind myself of everything I already DO have in my closet.  In this episode, I will talk about WHY we shop, how to know when it is causing a problem for you and how to bring a mindful and minimal approach into your shopping.  Make sure to get the free downloads that go with this episode, right here Why it feels good to shop The neurochemical payoff In her great book Tame Your Anxiety by Loretta Breuning outlines the neurochemicals we like to get (serotonin, oxytocin, and dopamine). I share my view on how I think we get each of these neurochemicals from shopping.  Control and choice Shopping is also something we can turn to feel in control, which is a desirable feeling for many of us.  Avoidance strategy Many of us can turn to shopping when we want to 'feel better', or also to say when we don't want to feel the negative or uncomfortable things we are facing. This is like emotional eating, we can emotion shop. Many coaches call  this a buffer (a term coined by Brooke Castillo), the things we turn to for distraction from feeling poor.    When shopping isn't making our lives better Years ago I started decluttering my home and it hit me how much my shopping habits had contributed to the state of my home.  I could see that I had spent a lot of my 20s buying things that I thought I needed to be a credible adult. I had accumulated so much by using shopping as entertainment and by shopping by reaction more than intention.  It caused a problem for me because I could see that I had a home full of stuff that was  * a substitute for what I really wanted  * things I 'thought' I needed * things I thought we 'me' but turned out to be identity clutter   How to know when you are shopping too much Shopping in itself isn't a bad thing or a negative activity. Shopping can be fun! Often it is how we meet a lot of our needs and create the life we want.  Something things to consider to know if you are shopping too much is its impact on the different areas of your life. Shopping may be a problem for you if you notice a negative impact on your relationship, your finances, your space, your ability to be present, or your own sense of integrity.    Bringing a minimalist approach to shopping The work starts before you even go shopping or load up the online store. To bring a minimalist mindset into shopping,

I challenged you to get uncomfortable this week. Now I want to dig into doing simple things that serve a bigger purpose. Giving your discomfort a purpose to work towards the vision and goals you have for your life. I want to break it down, keep it simple, and encourage you to drop your all-or-nothing mindset.  This past weekend  I did another Abundance Day  (aka Yes Day) with my kids.  Last year I did this and shared my takeaways in this episode "I let my kids do whatever they wanted all day"   Discomfort on purpose Last week I shared how we are building lives of comfort but discomfort can serve a purpose. In the episode, I shared my own experiences with this and challenged you to do something uncomfortable ON PURPOSE (#uncomfortableonpurpose) I love to hear what you are working on (on Instagram and in the Facebook group)   Let's build on the purpose we can give our discomfort There is value in going out of your comfort zone, practicing that, and growing your tolerance for feeling uncomfortable There is also value in the empowerment and drive we get when we are working towards something we really want.   If we call it a goal, does that have a stigma for you? Do you feel like 'goal' is corporate and stuffy? Or maybe you feel like a goal will uphaul your whole life and bring failure and disappointment with it.    The truth is that we have good reasons to NOT set a goal There are benefits that we get by staying where we are and not doing the work of setting a goal.  Some of them include never challenging what we believe about ourselves, never needing to face discomfort, never having to figure it out, or do the work of showing up!   Remember that a goal won't make you a 'better' person We do have this invisible hierarchy of what makes people superior. We kinda secretly think that someone who sets goals and follows through (or looks a certain way or has certain things) is somehow a 'better person'.  Let's throw these measuring sticks into the bonfire. You don't need a goal to be a worthy person.    Maybe goals feel like an emotional burdern, so how about the idea of 'giving your brain a job' Our brain is running in the background solving the negative problems we have told it to focus on (problem-minded). We have trained our brains to do this.  How about we give our brain the job of solving some positive problems (solution-minded).    Give your brain a job, call it a goal if you want Either way, consider what the bigger purpose is for what you want to work towards.  If you feel like you don't really know what you want in your life, use these free worksheets Live your vision worksheets Live your values worksheets

I love comfort (#typeninevibes) and I know that a lot of my comfort-seeking is more the AVOIDANCE of discomfort.  I don't want to be uncomfortable.    What things make you uncomfortable? For me they have been things like:  Taking my small kids out in public Working on the conflicts in my marriage Exercise Getting up in the mornings Doing dishes Decluttering and organizing my home  Seeing my kid struggle or be upset Go to a social event I was nervous about Sitting with all the stress and anxiety I felt about motherhood and life Paying attention to how my body was feeling No matter how simple these may seem, they were things I was avoiding because they were uncomfortable.  But staying in what felt COMFORTABLE was coming at a cost.  What does 'staying where we are' cost us? It has a cost to our relationships, to our health, to the state of our home. This complacency costs us something.  When we realize what we have traded for comfort, it can make us feel shame.  When my eyes were opened to what my comfort was costing me I felt like something was wrong with me. I needed to 'do better' and 'be better'. The first step was letting go of the shame I felt about this. Then I had to make a plan what I wanted to do about it.  I decided I needed to TAKE ACTION.  Then I realized there were myths I believed about being Someone Who Takes Action. Myths like: it is easy, it comes naturally, it feels good, it feels motivating.  I realized that taking action felt very UNcomfortable Listen in to this episode to hear: * Why do we seek comfort * The cost of seeking comfort * A mindset shift to help you take action * The purpose of discomfort * Building your tolerance for discomfort * Ways I made myself uncomfortable, on purpose * A CHALLENGE to join in this month   Links mentioned in this episode: Making motherhood harder than it needs to be Live your values worksheets Live your vision worksheets The Life on Purpose Workbook Small things can change your whole life The Simple on Purpose Facebook group  (make sure to answer the entry questions) Tag me on Instagram    Use the hashtag #uncomfortableonpurpose   SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK Is FIKA - the Swedish tradition of taking a coffee break, emphasis on the break part. At the heart of it is a slowing down and truly breaking. FIKA often includes coffee, a sweet treat, and a good conversation. But it can also be done solo as well.  I love to FIKA at my home with coffee, a treat, and staring out the window at trees.  We live in a culture of BUSY and it can be a badge of honour to never stop and res...

Looking for ways to have more fun in motherhood and BE more fun as a mom? I have asked myself this question too.  Inside of our FB Group - Simple on Purpose Community, there comes a great question. The question was in essence, I can DO fun things with my kids, take them to swim, skate,  and stuff, but how do I HAVE fun with my kids?  How do I BE fun?  In this episode, I’m going to elaborate on how I responded to that question. When motherhood becomes too serious and the fun mom you once were disappears into the background, it’s time to take an honest look at the things that are stealing the fun.  These days, there’s a lot of pressure on us to be both extremely involved and the perfect amount of detached. And while we were thinking about how to manage everything, there is one thing we seem to be missing — FUN.   We are all different types of moms, we all have different values we want to bring into motherhood. And let’s be real — sometimes we are in no mood for fun.    If fun is one of those values you want to be working on, don’t miss this opportunity to learn some tips and ideas on how to make things more fun as a mom.   In This Episode You’ll Learn: What are the things that make life UNFUN [ 02:18 ] The TOP TWO hurdles to having FUN [ 04:27 ] Some ways and ideas on how to become a FUN mom [ 07:17 ] Why FUN is a personal value [ 14:00 ]   Feature In this Episode: Join our Facebook Group  When Did I Stop Enjoying My Kids? (and my journey back to enjoying them) 47. My husband’s take on setting vision and goals together 67. Making motherhood harder than it needs to be (Mom Martyr) 129. Does your ‘to-do list’ overwhelm you? Expectation overwhelm and how to handle it. 112. Are you parenting the wrong issue? (Power struggles and problem-solving) Mothering Through Anxiety 46. Listening to your life (part 3 of SHOW UP FOR YOUR LIFE) Spotify playlist: Kitchen Dance Party   Stay Connected with Shawna: Instagram / Facebook  Get in touch:  shawna@simpleonpurpose.ca /

It’s back to school time! Are you ready? I know we have been enjoying the slow pace of summer and will need to put ourselves back on schedule to make back to school run more smoothly.  Over the years we have developed routines that we rely on in our school and workweek. I want to share our three favourites with you as you think about how you want to start out this new school year as a family.  How routines help our kids and us for school days We can rely on routines to get stuff done.  It gives us the momentum and predictability and these habits set for us. I know what’s going to happen, and the kids know what to expect. There's less drama over making transitions or how the kids are spending their time. If you have a kid who struggles with anxiety, knowing their part of the routine helps relieve a lot of that anxiety. How to make routines more effective Introduce this system to your family, and coach them by creating that as a habit, reminding them repeatedly. Give our kids reminders that are gentle and not heavy, hard and serious. Do not be a bear about it. I shared some more about how routines help in the episode on family Saturday morning chores   Our routines in the morning We make our lunches the night before school. The kids pack their lunch with a template we gave them. We give enough time in the morning knowing how much time everything needs to be done. The kids dress themselves and pack their bags. Start leaving 10 minutes before we think we have to go. This gives buffer, so you don’t feel rushed or panicky in case something unexpected comes up. After school routine Before the kids come home, I give myself a pep talk about what kind of mom I want to show up. As the mom, that is a safe landing place for big feelings and frustrations accumulated throughout the day. For the kids, it’s to hang up their backpacks, put their papers on the counter, put their lunch dishes in the sink, wash their hands. Give them a snack or have them finish their lunch if they didn’t. Things to remember when you build routines Routines take time to build like any habit, so you want to be gentle with you and gentle with the kids. Keep showing up consistently for what feels important. Start as you mean to go. Start treating them how you want to be treating them in the long term. Want to bring in some routines to your week? Try the Family Rhythms worksheets    SIMPLE PLEASURE OF THE WEEK This month I went on a getaway with three of my mombesties. For some years now we try to get away for a couple of nights, or at least a nice dinner. This time we went to a cheap motel, walked around, ate good food, had a little shopping and a little wine. My fave part was going to an afternoon movie the second day and then being in bed with us all reading by 930pm  But really I think the pleasure is just being with your friends, especially without kids. It is so special to spend time with your friends (date your friends) and I think it helps you fall in love with them even more/again.      EPISODE TRANSCRIPT Today, I want to talk about routines. We are getting back into school. And it's got me thinking about the routines that we pick up when school starts, I know that summer feels like our mornings,

How did your summer go? Anything you wish you that you did more of or less of? Today I have a PROMPT episode for you - where I will prompt you through some helpful questions that I hope will help you live more intentionally.  Specifically, having a summer on PURPOSE. So let's take a minute to stop and reflect on the ways you want to improve next summer by noting what you learned from THIS summer.    I share a bit of my story about * having my kids close together in age * learning I had the CHOICE to declutter and facing the basement of shame.  * wanting to live ON PURPOSE and let go of complacency * becoming a life coach who walks other women through living with more peace, purpose, and presence in their lives   THIS IS A PROMPT EPISODE The power of a prompt * You take the time to slow down and access your PFC (prefrontal cortex), the part of your brain associated with long term planning and rational decision making * You ask your brain a really good question * You tap into the answers that are there within you, rather than looking for external solutions and ideas    The power of an evaluation  * You use what you have learned recently to make your life better (before you forget all the good things you learned!) * You give this information a home, so you can come back to it later when you need it * You are improving things little by little How to use an evaluation I use evaluations for special trips and holidays. This is why I added it to the Simple Christmas Planner.  I keep notes on what worked and what improvements can be made. I save them all in a google doc so I can search for them when the holiday season is back again.  You can also put reminders in your calendar that pop up before the season and link them to your evaluation notes (whether in a doc, notes app, or right in the calendar reminder) The summer evaluation Let's reflect on this summer and consider what you have learned from it that you can bring into next summer.  * What was great about this summer? (What do you want to do again, what did you love, what was helpful, what mindsets were empowering?) * What do you want to do differently next year? (What do you want more of/less of, what to plan/prepare, what do you want to try that you didn't this year, mindsets to remember)   Make sure to set a reminder in your calendar to check your evaluation before break starts again next year! And there you go >> You used your past to make your future better

Procrastination is an avoidant strategy and there are so many layers to it, why we do it, how to redirect it, how to accept it, and so on.  It is also something almost everyone does and something that can cause a lot of shame, especially for moms    What is procrastination? It is putting something off for later.  We all do it, everday. We put off phone calls and chores and errands.  So how do we know if we simply PRIORITIZING our time and energy of it we are procrastinating?   Why we procrastinate There is a reason that deep down it is preferable to us to put off the task. Some reasons might include overwhelm, avoidance, all or nothing perfectionism, or we deep down don't want to do it.    How the brain responds to pending tasks The brain has three jobs: seek pleasure, avoid pain, stay efficient.  When we have the thought about a task we 'should' do the brain responds inline with this criteria - will it produce pleasure or pain? does it require a lot of energy?   Procrastination is not always a bad thing Sometimes procrastinating tasks can be a benefit. There are situations where it allows us to do better work, use the sense of urgency for energy, discover our true priorities, uncover some identity clutter we might have, and have less anxiety in the present.    Three ways procrastination can be a problem: 1. Because of what we do instead of the 'task'.  We most likley turn to non-essential, short-term gratification activities. These often become our 'bad habits'.  2. Because of what is NOT getting done. Whether we feel like this moves us further away from our 'ideal' self (and make sure you know what that is!), piles up the chores, or becomes a way we do our life.  * Episode 129 on Expectation Overwhelm * Get the Live you VISION worksheets * Get the Live your VALUES worksheets * Get the Life on Purpose Workbook 3. Because of what we think it means about us. As we procrastinate we start to identify as a procrastinator (and usually this is loaded with shame and judgement). Then we start to live into this limiting identiy we have of ourselves.    Three questions to help you deal with procrastination in your day * Why do I want to avoid this task? * Is this task important to my personal values and vision? * Is this task a prioritiy TODAY? * If yes, ask: what is one small step I can do to get started? * If no, schedule it on the calendar and listen to episode 150 called Do You Trust Yourself to Show Up For You.    Full transcript of the episode (unedited) Hey friends, it's Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a place where I share ideas that I hope will inspire you to slow down, think about what matters to you your personal values, and do the work of showing up well for that.

When an actor is typecast, they are locked into being cast for a certain TYPE of character, always a version of the same thing. And as parents, we can typecast our own kids. We give them labels on what they are - difficult, athletic, flighty, dramatic.  We can also give them seemingly positive labels - like smart, pretty, nice - and those can have impacts on them as well.  I want to empower you with: * awareness around the labels you might give your kids, * how it can impact your parenting experience, * how it can impact them, * and what to do about it    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and take action I will be compensated at no additional cost to you.  Do you typecast your kids? Do you give them labels on who they are? We all do it, we label each kid. Especially when there are sets of siblings, we somehow have a need to categorize each of them like they are gang in a sitcom.  Our labels are not facts We feel like our labels about our kids are true, but they are our opinions. We base these opinions on our experiences of them in the past. Then we have a judgement of them and our brain looks for evidence to build this into a belief   We look for more proof of our label This is the confirmation bias (aka the Post-it note). Our brain is always looking for evidence it is true. In fact, our brain filters out information to the contrary.    We build up more evidence and this belief gets very cemented.  It is important to keep in mind that this label might be sometimes true, but also sometimes it is not true.  We need to be open to seeing both.    The impacts that labelling our kids might have on our parenting 1. We treat them differently based on this label  How we do treat a kid we think is 'messy'? Do we step in and clean for them? Do we give up on trying to teach them how to clean up? It is important to get honest with ourselves about how we react to our kids from the expectations we have of them, according to the labels we have for them 2. We shape their self-concept  Kids look to us to help them shape their self-concept. The more they hear it, the more they live into it, the more they believe it, the more they perpetuate it. Our labels will put them into a box of who they are and who they are not.  3. Positive labels can put a lot of pressure on our kids as well I coach women who also struggle with failing at the seemingly positive 'labels' they've been given over the years. It can cause a lot of pressure to sustain them, and shame when 'failed'. It can impact their growth mindset (see episode 49 on having a growth mindset vs a fixed mindset)   How to handle the labels we give our kids 1. Recognize the labels you have been typecasting your kids with  Acknowledge that they are hard to give up for them and us.   2. Separate your kids from the label Your kid is not their behaviour.  Rather, everything they do is a decision and they are doing the work of getting good at making choices in their daily life. 3. Let them surprise you   When we expect a pattern of behaviour from our kids, we perpetuate that.   4. Encourage and acknowledge without the limitations of labels * Give them acknowledgement more than praise (focus on specific efforts) * Encourage them with what they are struggling with * Call them up with what you see in them,

I have been researching goals and habits since we started setting them in 2015. You can hear Conor share his take on doing this work as a couple in this episode.  Over the years I have searched to the ends of Pinterest and tried a lot of strategies to create habits for myself. I was doing this work fueled by the notion that I had to become a morning person now that I was a mom. I was thinking that habits would make me the optimal human, efficient and productive.  I have since learned to bring grace into it. Chase habits that make me feel purposeful rather than productive, and to set goals and habits in line with my personal vision for the areas of my life.    Four simple habits that make my momlife better 1. Having vegetables for breakfast.  This is part of my 'food uniform' that I try to have for breakfasts and lunches.  What I used to eat was sweet and carby and I was feeling crappy and shaky after breakfast. Then I did the Whole30 (here are 11 things I learned doing the Whole30) and weaned myself off this type of breakfast.  I've been gluten-free for a few years and had to put in the effort and planning to create new food habits I could have on autopilot.  The difference I notice in having vegetables for breakfast with how I feel about myself and my approach towards my health.  I used to go days without eating vegetables, now I get it done first thing every day.  Why I love this habit: I feel proud about taking care of my health because of what I do first thing in the day.    2. Reading books instead of scrolling social media Years back I swapped this habit in a personal challenge I called One Small Habit. I swapped scrolling social media for reading on the library app.  I have read so many books over the years since I did this.  There are nights I still find myself on social media, but I can give myself a little bit of time and then redirect it to a good book.  Why I love this habit: I want to be someone who reads a lot of books, this is the action that supports that   3. Pre-dinner clean up each day When my husband is working his week on, I follow this routine almost every afternoon: I do the dishes, clear tables, sweep floors, and make dinner.  I used to be someone who avoided dishes and coached myself to become someone who can do the dishes without all the mental drama Having clear spaces in my home is something I aspire to. It helps me feel empowered and peaceful.  However, we live here and use this space so I need to do the work of clearing the table a ROUTINE.  This table clearing routine is something I ask the kids to do their part with too, so I don't become a martyr about it.  I also have started looking forward to this time of day because I will put in headphones and listen to a podcast that I enjoy.  Why I love this habit: Fewer dishes for me later,

Andrea is a Registered Dietician who is here to talk with me about our relationship to food and teaching our kids a healthy relationship with food I also had a secret motive in asking her on because I had questions about how to handle food with my kids. I know I’m undoing a lot of cultured rules, how I was raised, my own biases, and I want to be mindful about how I teach my kids, especially my daughter, about the health of food without the food guilt or body shame.       In this conversation we will cover: Common struggles that women have when it comes to their relationship with food Emotional eating can be a common situation that happens in motherhood The ‘diet culture’ pressure that moms have to ‘drop the weight’ can lead to restrictive and unsustainable approaches to food Using food to manage our emotions (my own experience with emotional eating in motherhood) Using food as a way to control our bodies   Healing a heritage of food guilt and body shame We know enough about attachment to know that our sense of worth and self is shaped by our caregivers Unpacking the decades of guilt and shame we have adopted Starting with some basic food plans and dropping all the food rules and restrictions Seeing the cycle where the more restrictions we give ourselves, the bigger the struggle of cravings and willpower, the stronger the guilt we feel when we eat what we ‘shouldn’t’ Building up trust in your body again   The role of being a mom who is managing food for herself and for everyone else The positive side of emotional eating vs the coping side of emotional eating Being a role model for our kids when it comes to a healthy relationship with food Feeding your family a variety of foods and letting go of all or nothing thinking   Taking the drama out of feeding our kids Consider the role you want to have in feeding your kids and the role you want them to learn and become confident in Anxiety and stress at the dinner table can become counterproductive to the whole dinner experience for the whole family How we can let our kids branch out on their own when it comes to food preferences The pitfalls of cooking different people different food items each dinner, becoming a short order cook  Going through the discomfort of changing the culture of cooking each kid their own foods for each meal  Using dessert as bribery (food as a reward) and what we might be teaching our kids about the ‘preferred’ foods   Getting kids involved in the food preparation and planning Conversations around balancing meals Letting each kid design a balanced meal    Parents using food as a reward Using food as a treat, reward, bond, make the day more ‘fun’ Phasing out the treats and bringing in alternate rewards and treats Planning out the other things you can turn to that are fun for your family   Teaching our kids about a healthy relationship with food How to have conversations with our kids about food without inducing food shame Shifting the focus on the functionality of health and food Using treat restrictions vs no restrictions  Owning our own relationship with food to create a positive food culture in our family   Getting started with shifting your family’s food culture Start small Make a plan Don’t overcomplicate meal prep (use the shortcuts!) Offer healthy options and let your kids decide how much they eat

Suzie is a mom of 2 who agreed to have a coaching call recorded to share here on the podcast. I love to share examples of coaching sessions to show the range of topics that life coaching can cover - and to give you an idea of how I approach coaching. But really, we share this because the issues that women get coached on are always an issue someone else can relate to and get support on just by listening.    Issues she wanted coaching on are: Increasing self-control around food Snacking without thinking or to get some pleasure in the day Eating inline with an AIP (autoimmune protocol) Putting off the food restrictions of the AIP   Main points we covered in this coaching session: Getting clear on what ‘self-control’ would mean to her when it comes to food/health Idealizing the past self ‘before kids’ and recognizing where she can let go of the expectations she puts on her current self to do what her past self has done Using the ‘rules’ against herself, to keep her from sticking with it and making progress (all or nothing thought trap) Consider what level of awareness she has of her food habits and how she responds to breaking her own rules Being on autopilot through the day and using up her  willpower until it is exhausted in the day The comfort and gratification we get from snacking  Taking action from a place of feeling frustrated with your health vs from a place of feeling empowered Loosening her grip on having control and doing ‘what is right’  How we have trained our bodies to crave modern foods that give us so much dopamine  Undoing the programming and autopilot and approaching her life from her own intentional values Using the lessons learned from having an eating disorder at how to proactively approach health moving forward Looking for the disconnects on how to measure the success of diet and exercise and seeing where they can be at odds with one another Negative motivation running in the background (subconscious) vs positive motivation Listening to her inner dialogue (mental story) going into situations like snacking and how she wants to respond to herself when she eats the food and regrets it Different approaches to the AIP diet and how to manage the overwhelm it can create Acknowledging where she can seek peace instead of perfection with the approach to food Noticing the inner rebel that resists her own ‘rules’ Eating mindfully in times where she normally ‘fog eating’    Questions to ask yourself  in applying this session to your own wellness journey Where do you have all or nothing thinking about your wellness? What expectations do you have of your health and wellness that overwhelm you? What values do you have for how you approach taking care of your health? How do you measure your success differently from what you say out loud to what you think deep down? Where do you feel unclear about what your approach should be? And how can you break it down to one small goal you know you want to have?   Suzie’s actions and takeaways Choose one food goal to stick with (going paleo) Seek peace in food rather than perfection   Approaching her health intentionally will not feel natural, but it has to be done ON PURPOSE! Looking at the root thinking behind how she approaches health This all takes intention, it doesn’t just ‘happen’ because we talked about it  Make an imperfect meal plan for this week Write out her ‘intentional’ thoughts she wants to practice   Other related episodes

This is a Q+A episode featuring questions from the Simple Squad (the Simple on Purpose Facebook Community). We are talking about feelings, marriage, seasons of life, parenting and family chores. These answers are coming at you from my life coaching point of view. I am a mom of three kids, trained Life Coach, practical minimalist, and I help moms with intentional living.   Questions covered in this episode: 1. Can you talk about the seasons of life and how we can't do certain things at certain seasons? Related posts with more information on this topic * Simplify your life series * All posts about Mom Life * Expectation overwhelm   2. How do I change my parenting style when my husband is not on board or how can I get him on board...? Related posts with more information on this topic: * When your spouse doesn't want to declutter * Teaching our kids emotional intelligence * Emotional Intelligence 101 (and by Enneagram Type) * Book review: Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child   3. Meeting adult friends when you have little kids Related posts with more information on this topic: * Being a good mom friend * Why you should date your friends   4. How to choose your feelings (eg. when you are annoyed at your husband but want to feel kind)? Related posts with more information on this topic: * Being mindful in marriage * Working through a bad mood with one question * My husband put the groceries away wrong, he doesn't care about me * Myths about emotion coaching *

Expectation overwhelm is when you have a to-do list that is so long that it overwhelms you. This starts a defeating cycle of hustling, beating ourselves up for not doing 'enough', and not really feeling empowered to live a life of purpose.    Feeling productive and the beliefs we have about how we spend our time Coach women a lot on productivity and procrastination They feel like they can’t get things done in the day They want to be better at getting things done.  And it is the same issue on both ends of the spectrum - they are about how we FEEL about how we spend our time.  Did we FEEL we were productive? did we FEEL they procrastinated? Remember our FEELINGS come from our thoughts. So the story we tell ourselves about how we have used our time is going to matter. It will change our experience of how we use our time.    What is expectation overwhelm? Expectation overwhelm is when we have such a long 'should do' list that it constantly overwhelms us. We walk around thinking something is wrong with us that we can't tackle. We think we need more willpower and discipline.  We also get frustrated with everyone around us and might even blame them (check out the mom martyr episode)    Some signs that you might have expectation overwhelm: * you find it hard to relax for a minute in your day * you feel like everything is rushed * you feel overwhelmed even though you generally get things done * you check things off your list but still feel like it’s never enough   What do we do with the overwhelm we feel? In my experience in coaching, and personal experience. WE do one of two things. We try harder or we tune it out. Both of these make us feel even worse about our skills and discipline. Both of these move us further away from the simple and purposeful life we are craving.    The options should be optional We make a mental 'should' do list with all the expectations we have ourselves in a day. But we tell ourselves this list is mandatory and then we tell ourselves we are inadequate for not fulfilling them all   We are meant to make choices This is something that minimalism has taught me. I don't have ROOM for all these things. I also don't have time and energy for all these things. I need to choose.  But making choices can be very intimidating for a lot of us. We think it means a long-term commitment. We also still secretly hold out for that secret we need to unlock our ability to do ALL THE THINGS!   Trade-in productivity for purpose I think most of us want to feel productive, but we live in a society that tells us we need to do DO IT ALL AND LOOK GOOD DOING IT.  I would argue that most of us do not want to be productivity robots - but that we actually want to slow down and live the life that we crave. We want to let go of never feeling like we are enough, and make more time and energy for the things that fill us up.    Know what you want in your life * The Live your Vision worksheets * The Live your

Do you struggle in your relationship to getting dressed each day? Do you feel guilty for it, or lack confidence in it?  Jaime McLaughlin is a hair and make-up artist who is helping moms take care of themselves without the mom guilt.  In this episode we talk about the internal shifts we can make, the judgments we might have of ourselves and other moms based on what they wear, busting myths around how much money and time it takes to get ready each day, and tips to build a capsule wardrobe   Using the ‘tool’ of getting dressed every day Contesting the views that this is vanity vs a tool to help our personal motivation in our day Considering the areas of our life that we try to sacrifice on the altar of motherhood   Challenging our self-perception and the ‘rules’ we give ourselves on what we wear or don’t wear Making your outcome whatever you want it to be and working backward Aligning with your personal values as you work on getting ready each day   Reasons many stay at home moms have that we don’t get ready each day I don’t have the time I never leave the house I just don’t do it, I don’t get ready   Finding our value and worth as a stay at home mom Making a mental shift before we try to make an outward shift We don’t just want to get dressed to ‘look good’ but we want to FEEL good   Empowering one another to NOT use how we dress as a reason to judge ourselves and other moms There can be separations and assumptions we make on how moms dress, and we can categorize moms based on what they wear vs what we wear.  Considering the image we want to present to the world with what we wear Moving from judgment into curiosity about what other moms could be going through Watching where you might be judging moms who are a hot mess vs judging moms who are NOT a hot mess   Society tells us what a mom ‘should’ look like Mom does not have to equal hot mess, crappy clothes, etc. We get to decide what it looks like to be ‘a mom’ We don’t need to be a victim to our days and motherhood Taking ownership of wearing what we WANT to wear and letting go of the myth that we are 'too much'   Letting go of the myth that in order to look good we need to spend a lot of money Fast fashion tells us that we need to spend all the money, every season, to have the trendy clothes of the season. Consider if fashion is something you value and want to spend money on and then making that happen It is important to have the perspective that the online influencers sharing 'style' we follow are not buying their own clothes but are given them by stores   Building a capsule wardrobe A capsule wardrobe is a great way to be mindful of the money we spend on clothes and 'how much' we need to have in our closet Starting with core pieces, knowing your colours, and building a wardrobe you can mix and match and put outfits together   Key points on being a mom who gets dressed every day When you wear what makes you feel good this shifts your mental state and motivation Getting dressed doesn't have to take long, or be expensive Learn the techniques to dress and don't worry so much about the trends There is NOTHING WRONG with saying 'I want to look good' When we spend the time and energy on ourselves we actually think about ourselves a lot less during the day   Links to Jaime and her resources

When we think about being home with the kids for the summer there can be a lot to dread AND be excited about in this season.  I have found my way out of that mental overwhelm is to make a plan on what what I DO want my summer to be.  Over the years of planning our seasons as a family, we have developed an approach that helps us stay flexible, work around the hurdles and show up even on hard days.  I want to share the main points with you here.    This episode has a companion workbook that takes you step by step through planning out the summer that you and your family want to have.  Get your Summer on Purpose Workbook here.   Planning your days, as a mom I have found so much value in having a plan on what we will do. I started planning when I was home with my babies and have been loving the benefits ever since.  My kids even asked me to schedule their days for them during isolation, and I shared how that went here.    Why should a mom make a plan? * To feel in control, rather than scramble for it last minute * To make room for the important things to happen - balance - proactive * To have some stability - for us and our kids - we know what is happening and what we need to expect and prepare for * To take ownership - don’t let summer just happen AT you * To have FUN!  We want to ENJOY summer So often we hear the countdown of 'how many summers we have left with our kids'. And this can make us a little panicky inside. I want to approach summer with intention and abundance.    Declutter the mental overwhelm of summer * Ask what you feel EXPECTED to do, by culture, society, Instagram * Ask what feels hard about summer as a mom? * I have a list: * The mornings where they get stir crazy but I’m not ready to head out * Feeding everyone healthy snacks * Getting work done * Sibling spats - those have broken my brain in the past * The energy I tell myself I will need to give them activities and adventures * How will I handle screentime I need to really brain dump all the things cluttering my brain and then address them point by point.    Planning out the summer you WANT to have Ask your family - what summer do you want to have? What activities do you want to do? What vibes/feelings do you want summer to have? Some years we were like road trips and camping Some we were like backyard BBQs and beaches Actually, we seem to rotate back and forth between the two Some other visions for a summer: Mocktails and gardening Books and suntans Fishing and hiking Popsicles, parks and kiddie pools Bike parks, bike paths and exploring Neighbourhood water fights Having a vision is so important. It lets you get clear on what you want so you can make the decisions that will get you there.