Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

Should we be happy all the time? What does it mean if you aren’t happy? What are you doing in an effort to get happy and stay happy? This podcast episode has been on my heart for a while.  I knew I wanted to talk about what I call THE HUSTLE FOR HAPPINESS. This has been one of my harder lessons in life - a lesson that came to me through parenting and feeling like I was losing the race for happiness way too often.  It is also a lesson I have the pleasure of teaching other women in life coaching.  I call the episode ‘How to Be Happy’ but as you will hear, it is about something so much better than happiness.  One of the biggest parenting myths I’ve had to unlearn is that if your kids are happy it means you are doing it right. Other related myths include - ‘happiness is what we should feel’ or ‘when we aren’t happy we are doing it wrong.’ On today’s episode, I want to unpack these happiness myths and share some of the things I’ve learned about happiness along my years of motherhood and womanhood.    Here are the topics covered in this episode: How my crying infant taught me a hard parenting lesson  Why we need to stop hustling for hyper happiness Why it’s okay if your kids (or you or your husband) aren’t happy  The unrealistic demands of happiness Three ways to be happier while enjoying the life you have  Something even better than happiness  How we are biologically driven towards happiness  How to look for Perfect Moments  Watching the stories we tell ourselves about being happy    The relentless pursuit of happiness can be exhausting, especially for us as wives and mothers. But it doesn’t have to be that way! I hope these insights and simple tips will release you from the pressures of being happy and chasing happy and allow you to embrace your whole life - even all the messy, not-so-happy parts.    If you would like to learn how to have more peace, purpose and presence in your life, I invite you to join The Life on Purpose Academy, my monthly group coaching program. This month, I've been teaching and coaching on the topic of coping with negative emotion. And I can't tell you how much freedom I see the ladies experiencing as they learn that they don't have to hustle for happiness. This coming month, I'm teaching on enjoying your life on purpose because I believe we can all experience enjoyment of our lives, even if they don't always feel good. Check out The Life on Purpose Academy.    Links mentioned:  How to Live Your Actual Life // blogpost Simple on Purpose Community // Facebook Group The Perfect Moments Project // blogpost // #theperfectmomentsproject   Quotes: One of the biggest lessons I've learned is the myth that if your kids are happy, it means you're doing it right.  Contentment is being able to find the joy despite the discomfort while happiness demands comfort. FULL TRANSCRIPT OF THE EPISODE The SIMPLE ON PURPOSE PODCAST Episode 66 // How to Be Happy By Shawna Scafe 0:06 Hey friends!

Why have toys if your kids aren't playing with them? Sure an option is to declutter the toys they don't enjoy or seem to use. We can declutter the excess. But still, our kids aren't always interested in playing with their toys. At least not as interested as they are in following us around the house whining that they are bored.  Do you feel like your kids have a lot of toys but don’t seem to be interested in them like they used to? To a kid, the logical option is to buy a new toy - but we all know how excited they get when they find their old toy under the couch and how they suddenly never want to part with it when we talk about decluttering. July On Purpose This month we're doing July On Purpose. It's a free challenge where we're focusing on four areas of your life. And each week, we are working on a way to kind of simplify and clear space and get really purposeful in this area of our life. This week in the first week of July when I'm recording this, we're doing something around the home, something to freshen up our space. I'm probably going to be painting my bathroom or cleaning out my bedroom dresser. Sign up the July On Purpose Challenge here.  Join the Simple On Purpose Facebook Community here.    DECLUTTERING AND MANAGING KID'S TOYS Today, we're going to talk about how to get your kids to play with their toys. There was a time where I bagged up almost all of my kids’ toys and kept them in the basement. And they never asked for their toys back. They didn't even notice they were gone. They just continued on playing with whatever was around, and I was like, our kids have too many toys! What?! They're not even sad! They don't even notice! This prompted me to declutter their toys.   On this episode, I’m going to talk to you about: The benefits of fewer toys Our system for manage toys in the home that you could totally adapt How we declutter toys  What causes kids to lose interest in their toys Seven strategies that you can use to get your kids to actually play with the toys they have Why I think kids should have fewer toys How to determine how many toys are too many   Also, don’t forget to get your FREE mini-guide on how to get your kids to declutter their toys [get the miniguide] and check out my blog on how to declutter your kids’ toys without them! [read the post]   Get life coaching  If you are a mom looking for life coaching, and you think I could be the coach for you then I want to let you know that I am opening up private coaching spots for the fall. Book now if you want to get started.  And if you are interested in life coaching but prefer a more laid back approach, and more affordable option then consider the monthly group coaching program I run called The Life on Purpose Academy. My whole goal with this program is to help moms show up for the actual lives with peace, purpose and presence.  If the Life on Purpose Academy is something you are interested in, then head here to join. 

Restlessness, we all have felt it in our lives and especially motherhood. Because it is this weird mix of waiting, mundane chores, and mental chatter around relaxing. I asked the Facebook community what we should work on as a challenge for the month of July and there were great ideas around this general uplifting in our lives. As I talked with my besties, Sophie and Rae, about it they told me they were feeling restless lately. Restless! Exactly! That is what I was feeling too and when I looked back on all the suggestions I thought we could all use a general uplifting whether from restlessness or just the desire to get more intentional with how we are showing up in our homes, for ourselves and for our families this summer.  Restless: “the inability to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom.” Doesn't that feel too accurate of a description of motherhood?  There are three components I want to touch on when it comes to restlessness: * Permission to rest * Why we have anxiety in our day, what to do about it * What to do about the boredom   Links Mentioned: Summer on purpose (episode // blog post) The Pause Podcast (website) The Simple on Purpose Community (facebook group) I stopped calling myself a lazy mom (blog post)  Brain dumps (episode // blog post) The Life on Purpose Academy (monthly life coaching for moms) Live your values (free worksheets) The Life on Purpose Workbook (in print or digital) How to make a daily routine that works for you and your family (episode) What is the Enneagram (post with audio and video)  

We know there is power in enjoying the simple components that make up our day to day life. When we can enjoy these simple things, we have so much more ability to enjoy our actual life. But often the 'shine wears off' and the things/people/experiences we wanted and enjoyed fall flat. That happiness we experienced is gone. From a life coaching point of view, it is because we still bring our brain with us wherever we go. Our brain, and all it’s thoughts and stories and autopilot and subconscious thinking. That brain is still there thinking it’s thoughts and those thoughts create our emotional experience.  However, when we feel like this isn't normal. We tell ourselves, 'I thought this would make me happy, why am I not happy?' It can cause us to think something is wrong with us, or our lives, or the people in our lives. But now it's time to lay that story to rest.  The hurdle to enjoying the simple pleasures of life is that we all return to this baseline, emotionally speaking. The shine does wear off. But it is normal and sometimes even useful.  We have the ability to enjoy the simple pleasures of our life, we have felt it happen. Mostly when we didn't concoct it or plan it.  It happens more easily when we practice hygge, coziness, connectedness and contentment.  But, there can be some thought traps that prevent us from GIVING OURSELVES PERMISSION to enjoy the simple pleasures in our life.  A big thought trap feeling like you can't approve of your life. This is the situation where you say ‘if I enjoy this, then I am basically saying I approve of it, but how can I approve of something I want to change?” However, acceptance is the first step to contentment.  The steps to shift back into enjoyment when the shine wears off: * variety, do the same thing in a new way * appreciation, Oprah and science agree A problem we have with showing appreciation is it can sometimes be misconstrued as naivety. But finding appreciation is still seeing the VALUE in things/people/experiences We have this underlying program that says 'if my enjoyment is gone, the value is gone' and then we treat it as so.  Side note: if you are decluttering your home, I encourage you to keep doing this. Simplifying your space is a way of honouring the value of things and your space.  It all started with a bar of soap, making a conscious effort to appreciate this soap every single time I used it.  If we can do this with soap, imagine how much enjoyment we can savour from our actual lives.    LINKS Read the blog post version of this episode (right here) The study on variety and appreciation (read it) Hygge Episode 38 (listen to it) Life on Purpose Academy (learn more) The all or nothing webinar (RSVP here)    

Today’s bonus episode comes after I showed pictures of my pantry on Instagram and mentioned love languages and got a lot of comments about it.    While we're in isolation, my wonderful husband, when he's home from work for the week, has been doing the grocery shopping and the meal prep while I work. But when he puts away the groceries, he does not appreciate my pantry system at all. There's onions and potatoes together. There's nuts in the grain section. It's just madness!   I could get upset or I could choose to see it another way.    Prefer to read this episode? See the blog post for it right here.  There are five main ways that we like to receive love and that we like to express love. The way you receive and express love can be different. Same thing goes for your spouse. Having different love languages means having different expectations of love.    So often we tie our emotions to our expectations of our spouses. When we're outsourcing that job of meeting our emotional needs to others, it sets us up for disappointment. It also sets us up for not learning the skills to do it ourselves, for not taking responsibility for doing it ourselves.    We can start showing up with a new frame of mind with new thoughts. We can start showing up from a place where we're meeting our own emotional needs already and it's not our spouse’s responsibility to do it.    We can look at how our spouse is loving us and our family and not how we think they need to show us love or meet our criteria of love.  In marriage every single day, we need to look for the ways that someone is expressing their love to us.    Links mentioned: Instagram post of the pantry (in this highlight reel) The Five Love Languages for Children by Gary Chapman  Life on Purpose Academy  Learn more about life coaching one on one with Shawna   

I was asked to share some of our experience with kids doing chores.  I think it is a great subject because a lot of us want to raise kids who know the discipline and skill of chores, but we don't want it to be this big huge fight that ends up creating a tense and stressful situation for us and our kids.  In this episode, I'm sharing our strategies, tips and mindset for how we handle kid chores in our home. It doesn't mean it is always happy, or easy - but we are focussing on the process more than the outcome and it makes a difference.   Some main points we covered: * we need to let go of the need to make our kids constantly happy  * know you why - why do you want your kids to do chores? * how we got started with Saturday Morning Chores * how we have built on starting with one task * introducing chores, delivery matters * helping kids through the overwhelm * motivating kids to do chores that fulfill their vision * teaching the attitude and culture of chores in the home  * enjoying it * thought traps you might get stuck in (expecting perfect/obedience/happiness) * falling into the comparison trap You can read the full post right here.  Ways to connect The Facebook Community Instagram The Simple Saturdays Email    Get life coaching, from one mom to another! One on One coaching The Life on Purpose Academy    NOW AVAILABLE The Stress Lessons The Hard Things Lessons  

Raise your hand if you think dishes are dumb. And maybe you've googled 'disposable clothing for kids' in a desperate hope you could avoid the constant laundry. I know that there are women out there who are rocking chores, and there are women who aren't', and there are a lot of us between.  We know that a clean house makes us FEEL peaceful and happy. But we also know that we have more motivation to click 'keep watching' than we do to get on the third load of dishes for the day.  If this has been you, then this episode is for you.  I've always been tidy, but I would definitely be someone to put off chores for far longer than necessary.  About a year ago I decided I wanted to become a 'CHORE DOER' and I life coached myself through the mindset and strategy to become someone who does chores without the emotional negativity I had attached to it over the years Life coaching myself to become a chore doer Here are the topics covered in this episode: * my scientific analysis of what Pinterest says will give you a clean home * the mindsets that were holding me back  * some real talk with myself about how I was spending my time (*cough, screen time) * the strategies I used to build up the habit of chores in my daily life * the stereotypes of motherhood that can hold us back with how we show up in our homes * the importance of reclaiming the art of homemaking If you find that doing chores is something does matter to you and you want to get UNSTUCK with something as simple as chores then get yourself a life coach to help you pay attention to the mindsets that hold you back and the strategy that will help you move forward and get the outcome you want! -- CLICK HERE IF YOU PREFER TO READ THIS AS A BLOG POST -- Fun and helpful links Housewife Hacks (Pinterest board) (Type 9) The Enneagram (blog post) Mom Martyr (blog post) Live your values (blog post and free worksheets) Live your vision (blog post and free worksheets) (one small habit) Strategies to put your goals into action (blog post) Minimum baseline (episode 3) 15 practical tips to get stuff done (blog post)   Ways to connect The Facebook Community Instagram

What would make your life better right now?  It is a wonderful thing to long for change, we can listen closely to that part of us that sees room to explore another way, maybe a better way.  We all have change in our lives - some of it is a change we don't want, some change we do want, some changes we want but we don't know how to accomplish.  Our relationship to change can look a lot of ways but it will always be met by this hurdle: knowing and accepting what is in our POWER to change?    THE MAKING CHANGE CHALLENGE Today’s bonus episode is part of the free Making Change Challenge that I started in February. You can still join in at any time and get those lessons emailed right out to you. There’s a lesson emailed each week for four weeks. This lesson is on what you can control, what you can influence and what is your concern. It's really important that we pay attention to the things we're trying to change, but we actually don’t have control over. A huge hurdle many women have every single day is that we want to change things we really don't have control over. So I want to talk about this more today - how to come alongside things that we want to change. It's so important for us to know what we have control over and what we don't.    And if we want to be proactive about making changes, we need to interrupt our brain.   Stephen Covey’s circles of concern and influence from his book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People plus one more circle  - the circle of control, can help us distinguish what areas of our lives to focus on when it comes to change we can actually control.   Concern - Everything that concerns you or worries you goes into your circle of concern. Things like the education system, your nation’s laws, traffic, the health of your family, etc. The key is to become proactive, instead of reactive (expending lots of emotional energy in worry and anxiety). Redirect your energy into practical actions you could take to improve your situation. You then get these areas into your circle of influence.  Influence - We cannot control what other people think, feel or do. But we can influence those things. If we are nagging, steamrolling, stonewalling or complaining, these are a very poor use of our influence. If we want to influence change over things we can't control, all we have at our disposal is how we show up: Ask how you can be supportive Praise efforts and reinforce positives rather than grumble on the negative Listen more in order to learn about their side Pick your battles Stay in your own lane and do my own work Change the subject Set boundaries Step back   Control -  We can come from a belief that everything is out of our control which makes it really hard to take responsibility for what is actually in our control - our mindsets and behaviours. Both our mindsets and habits can be stuck on autopilot. It’s hard to see where we can change because we don’t question our thoughts and our behaviours have become habits. However, you have the responsibility and right to take control of your thoughts and your actions.    On the flip side, you can feel stressed about managing all the things and all the people in all the situations and feeling like nothing you do works. In this case, you have to work on separating what you can control from what you can influence. And again, the only things you can control are YOUR thoughts and actions.    In the worksheets for this week, you're going to be led through listing the things that are in your circles of control, influence and concern.

We have all been taking stock of what isolation life looks like in comparison on how our life used to look. Sometimes this experience can be painful and disempower us as we move through these days of staying at home.  Going through a lot of things we 'don't want to' can really highlight the things that we DO want and crave.  This episode is part two about the things I'm learning while in isolation and how I'm contrasting my current experience with what I want to move into in my post-pandemic life.  This conversation will help you see some different mindsets and habits you might be having as a mom in isolation and give you some space to consider what it tells you about what you want your simple on purpose life to look like.    In the last episode, we talked about this topic in the beauty, wellness, shopping, friendships, routines parts of life.  In this episode we cover: * Working from home, remember the days when we could spend part of our workday online window shopping kitchen appliances and creeping on the local MLS listings? * Marriage in isolation, can your combined stress behaviours possibly level each other out? And why is my husband baking all this bread?? * Motherhood in isolation, all I can say is Jesus Take The Wheel * Mental health, denial is a good form of dealing with stress, until it's not    FUN LINKS MENTIONED  The Enneagram - what it is and how it has helped my marriage How to have a weekly calendar meeting with your spouse Sibling Rivalry from Lessons From the Playroom - the episode that transformed how I view and handle the sibling spats amongst my kids Parenting books that changed my parenting (including How to Raise an Emotionally Intelligent Child) Episode 55 - Tips to move out of the stress response and into resilience   Ways to connect The Facebook Community Instagram The Simple Saturdays Email    Get life coaching, from one mom to another! One on One coaching The Life on Purpose Academy    NOW AVAILABLE The Stress Lessons The Hard Things Lessons  

I've been hearing this sentiment a lot lately: when we all get back to normal, decide what you want your 'normal' to be.  Even if you are someone who pays attention to your life and tries to make it intentional and simple, this time in isolation has changed our routines and patterns enough that we are able to learn new things about how we had been showing up for our lives.  In these next two episodes, I am going to run through the different areas of my life that I am paying attention to right now. In terms of how I am showing up during COVID isolation and what I mindsets/learnings I want to bring with me into my post-pandemic life. In this episode, I talk about * Routines, is it worth keeping Saturday morning chores and Friday Night Treats? * Beauty, is anyone else still wearing the good eyeliner with their sweats? * Wellness, the truth as told by my FitBit * Shopping, is isolation a good time to buy a bra to replace the one you have been wearing almost daily for the past five years? * Homemaking, if a mom cleans a bathroom while in isolation and her kid pees on the floor five minutes later, did she even clean the bathroom? * Friends, are you sitting around wondering why nobody is texting you? Or are you part of all the group chats and zoom calls?   The FUN LINKS! Scheduling your day with kids at home (read it here, listen to it here) Dirty Hair, Don't Care (if you are interested in weaning your hair off daily shampoos) My favourite dry shampoo (see My Faves, under 'Lady Stuff') The Ordinary Retinol Serum (the price point is so great!), (also in My Faves under Lady Stuff) Scarcity Mentality (read it here, listen to it here)   Tips on getting things done (read it here)   Ways to connect The Facebook Community Instagram The Simple Saturdays Email    Get life coaching, from one mom to another! One on One coaching The Life on Purpose Academy    NOW AVAILABLE The Stress Lessons The Hard Things Lessons    

What day is it anymore? We don't know. But we know we are hungry.....probably...I'm pretty sure. Or bored. Maybe. What day is it again? Imagine this conversation being had by every person in your home. Cause our brain is melting a little bit without some sort of schedule and agenda.  Rather than stay in this fog of wiping chip crumbs off our devices and smelling which sweats are clean enough to wear, perhaps it might help to give your day some framework that works for you and your kids at home. After all, isolation has created this blank space that is being filled with homeschooling (crisis schooling), meals on repeat and tiger king memes. Let's take command of things we CAN control, like when snacks happen and when we binge-watch tv.  *controlling the things you CAN!*, like Olaf said, and maybe Jesus, definitely Steven Covey.  Here are some tips on how to schedule out your daily routine in a way that works for you and your family.  * Make the mega list * Theme your days * Apply a framework, as vague or specific as you like * Leave wiggle room * Pay attention to what isn't working, trial and error * Include your kids * The boredom busters * Make your own plans too Mom! You can read this all as a full blog post right here.    Links mentioned Dude Perfect on Youtube Mega list of simple easy fun to have with your kids (that are learning opportunities and games) Family rhythms The Life on Purpose Academy - My monthly group life coaching program for moms who want to show up for their lives with more peace, presence and purpose.    Want to message me? Find me on Instagram or respond to a Simple Saturdays email (sign up for those right here).   

I've had requests to talk about resilience and endurance during this time where moms are home with their kids in isolation.  ENDURANCE Endurance is responding to stress for a duration of time. We can endure a certain amount of stress but eventually we burn out.  RESILIENCE Then we turn to resilience: the ability to bounce back from stress. I think this is the place a lot of us moms are in right now.  We have endured the first two weeks of isolation and now we realize that this is how things will stay for a while. Now we need to move out of stress mode and into a more intentional mode.  Resilience has three steps: Recover How can you take care of yourself rather than comfort yourself? (self-care vs self-comfort) Recenter What are your values and how can you make a plan for yourself? The importance of compassion and acceptance Gifts in Disguise from The Usable Life by Leslie Broseh Family Culture (blog post and worksheets) Live your Values (blog post and worksheets) Tips to schedule a daily plan for your family during isolation Re-enter With awareness and support Be a team with yourself, with your partner, with your family, with your community The episode on Family meetings   (blog post)   NEXT STEPS The Making Change Challenge The Life Evaluation Quiz The Life on Purpose Academy   GET CONNECTED Instagram Facebook Group Simple Saturdays Email

Stepping back to look at your anxiety from a life coaching point of view and tools to help you accept and work through it. Advice from a life coach and mom of three.   What is anxiety? What causes it? The way we react to it, and how it makes the struggle even harder How can we react to it instead: * acknowledge it is there  * accept that it is with you, without running off with it * calm the nervous system * unpack the mental narration * unburden the mental clutter * decide how you want to show up (with your own values) * start paying attention to what is in your control and what is not Mentioned in this episode Colleen from Lemon Thistle A Minute to Be Mindful (free pdf of mindfulness questions) Episode on being mindful in marriage Brain Dump Live your Values (free worksheets) Live your Vision (free worksheets) The Making Change Challenge The Freebies Library John Mayer IGTV, The Gentle Hours (the first 15 minutes and last 5 minutes are packed full of great insight on anxiety) The Life on Purpose Academy (read more and sign up for the quick information session on March 27th)   Find me on Instagram  Join the Simple Saturdays email (bi-weekly email of encouragement, tips and ideas)

Think back on this past week, what kind of memories do you have from your motherhood experience? I recently listened to Meik Wiking talk about the Art of Making Memories and it got me thinking about how we treat our memories and how they can impact our motherhood experience in positive or negative ways.    Full transcript at the bottom of this post.  RELATED LINKS Read this episode as a blog post When did I stop enjoying my kids (podcast episode) (blog post) Life on Purpose Workbook The Perfect Moments Project Posts on hygge The Art of Making Memories Meik Wiking on the Ultimate Health Podcast Episode 330 How we view ourselves Mom Martyr Mom on Purpose Posts the Life on Purpose Academy (monthly life coaching membership) Sign up for Simple Saturdays The Simple on Purpose Facebook community Simple on Purpose on Instagram   Studies related to this episode: https://science.howstuffworks.com/life/remember-bad-times-better-than-good1.htm https://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/m_blog/we-change-our-memories-each-time-we-recall-them-but-that-doesnt-mean-were-l https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4254527/     Episode Transcript Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is your weekly podcast where I remind you that you have enough who are not that you do enough to just show up for the life you have and just enjoy the life before you. For those of you who are new here, welcome. I am a mom of three living in small town Canada. I am a minimalist, a life coach. And I've been writing at simple on purpose.ca for a number of years now, talking all about simplifying your home and simplifying your life and showing up for your life. As many of you have experienced, it's just been a weird week, hasn't it? Like, we are also at Spring Break here. So the kids are home, we are doing renovations. So my office is kind of spread out throughout the house.

A look at the before and after of how minimalism changed my marriage, my homemaking and my life.  In the last episode (#51) I shared specifically how minimalism changed my motherhood.    IN THIS EPISODE How minimalism has changed my marriage: respect + responsibility, shared vision for our home, being at home How minimalism has changed my homemaking: more manageable, better 'flow' for homemaking, calmer, reclaimed my role as Homemaker How minimalism has changed my life: more proactive. doing things I enjoy, more mindful, more secure, becoming the editor of my life.  READ THE FULL POST HERE   THE STEPS THAT GOT ME HERE (relevant links) (type nine reference) What is the Enneagram  Life on Purpose with Conor Bring hygge into your everyday life Organization mistakes I made  the Life on Purpose Page Identity Clutter the Simplify Your Home Page I stopped calling myself a lazy mom The quickest way to simplify your life The perfect moments project Why minimalism works at changing your life   OTHER LINKS  Instagram  the community Facebook Group Sign up for Simple Saturdays here Sign up for the Making Change Challenge here