Simple on Purpose | Intentional Living and Parenting

We spend much of our days avoiding the emotions we don't want to feel and panicking when we do feel those negative emotions. But then what happens is we give control over to the emotions and build up our lives hustling away the 'bad'.  Over the years I have learned a lot about emotions that has personally brought me freedom from fearing emotions. This is something I have also coached many women on over the years. A big hurdle we have is knowing what we feel, and then struggling with the fact that we don't WANT to feel that emotion.      In this episode I cover: * The three big insights that have changed my relationship to my feelings * What the work of Dr. Candace Pert reveals about what emotions ARE * How we learn what we are feeling * How we are conditioned to view feelings  * What makes an emotion 'negative' or 'unacceptable' * Being aware of our tolerance of emotions * The real problems with emotions  * Understanding the role of emotions * How to tap into the intuition emotions can offer us rather than running from the emotions * Collaborating with our emotions rather than competing with them    Related links you might like: The Spotify playlist for all episodes on Emotional Intelligence  139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 66. Are you stuck in the hustle for happiness? Finding contentment in momlife How to really start showing up for your life Four steps to manage overwhelm in motherhood The Enneagram and Motherhood Series Book: The Molecules of Emotion by Dr. Candace Pert Aritcle: The Physics of Emotion  Simple Pleasure of the Week: Benefit cheek and lip stain     Full transcript (unedited) 0:06 Hey friends is Shawna, your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose. Welcome to the Simple on Purpose podcast. My aim here is to share with you thoughts, ideas, stories that will help you let go of the old ways, the useless stuff, the heavy stuff, the unnecessary stuff in your life in your space in your brain, so that you can get into the driver's seat of your life, and steer that car, steer that ship to where you want it to go. 0:36 What do you want more of more fun, more passion, more purpose, more presence, because that's what I signed up for. And that's what I'm here to share with you. 0:48

How do we talk about hard things? For some of us, our emotions seem overwhelming and we find ourselves dumping them out onto those around us. For some, our emotions seem unacceptable and we find ourselves bottling them up. Neither of these strategies really helps us process our emotions and make progress with them. I think we all find ourselves either emotional dumping to bottling at different times to different people, and I want to support you with how to address both of these situations   In this episode: * What emotional dumping looks like * How it causes a disconnect and drain in relationships * Why we emotion dump * What venting looks like * How it can create connection and support in relationships * Why it is hard to vent * How to grow in self-awareness if you are someone who emotion dumps * What to do if you are someone who emotion dumps * What to do if you are someone who bottles up their emotions  * The difference between clean pain and dirty pain * Giving yourself permission to vent * How to vent to someone you trust, in a way that creates safety and connection   Related links mentioned: The #moms30for30 The episode from Hidden Brain, Where Happiness Hides   Full transcript (unedited) 0:12 For those of you who are new, you're welcome. I'm Shawna. I'm a mom of three. I live in small town BC, Canada. I am a life coach to moms who want to live with more purpose, peace, presence and passion. And I think passions really important part because I think that we should be enjoying our lives a lot more than we let ourselves sometimes. 0:31 So I am just squeezing this recording in my kids are going to be home in about 27 minutes, I'm going to record this. And today I want to talk about something called Emotional dumping. 0:42 And let's Twilight music back to a time when my kids were much smaller babies and toddlers. And this was about seven years ago, I had all my babies and three and a half years. Now they're 10, nine and seven. 0:56 So let's flashback, and I'm home with them. And you know, no matter how many kids you have, if you're at home with a kid, one or two or three, it can feel wild. And when there's more than one and they take turns napping, and then they have tantrums, and their snacks lying around the kitchen. Like it's just, it's just crazy times. 1:15 And there's good times too right? like dance parties and dress up and cute little giggles. But when you are in it, day after day, it wears you down. And I know there were a lot of days where Connor would walk through the door at the end of the day. And I would unload narration of everything that went wrong that day. And I've reflected a lot on this. And it's something that I still do sometimes. 1:40 And when I'm doing it when I've done it, I think that I really want someone to acknowledge how hard it is and how hard I was trying. And I know that I didn't validate myself a lot, especially in early motherhood, and I was looking to him to do it. I still sometimes do this, like I said, it's a process. 1:57 But I think this is a pretty common pattern that we moms can fall into. Because our world is really shrunken down to the toddlers in our home. Some close friends or two and the stream of moms quote unquote, doing it right on Instagram. So when that person who's out in the world walks into the door, we do it I call emotional dumping.

We are feeling ready! We have stocked our motivation with books and podcasts and tedtalks, and we have our sneakers on and we are READY So what do we do??  It is normal to start making a list of all the changes we want to make and pursue a massive overhaul of all the things we want to see changed.  This is NOT the sustainable way to make change. It feels so necessary to do all the things while this window of motivation is open! But this approach will leave us fizzling out and believing we just aren't disciplined enough and that we don't have enough willpower.    In this episode we talk about: * What happens when we take on a lot of change all at once * What happens when the motivation tapers out * Myths we believe about willpower and how it impacts our view of ourselves * How we can set ourselves up for success by simplifying the whole approach * How to make change that fits into the life we already have * Why our brain is not excited about making a lot of changes all at once * Why simplifying change is important in developing our skills for change * My approach to simplifying a change I want to make with my coffee intake  Resources and episodes mentioned 105. Do you TRUST yourself to show up for YOU? 153. How to move from ambivalent to ambitious (making change takes more than just willpower) 78. Small things that can change your whole life (the compound effect) 133. 4 simple habits that make my momlife better Podcast Playlists: Simple on Purpose on Spotify The Life on Purpose Workbook Homemaker, on Purpose (the guidebook)     Full transcript (unedited) 0:04 Welcome to the simple on purpose podcast. This is a podcast for women, moms, whoever, whoever wants to do this work, who wants to do the work of living their life with more purpose, more peace and more presence. And I think more passion, because this is your life, and you should enjoy it. 0:26 This is a follow up episode to the last one about moving from ambivalent to ambitious. And I want to talk about that moment, when you are finally motivated. What should you be doing? How should you handle this motivation that has been bestowed upon you? By all of the work you have to do? Because there are a lot of steps that had to get you here to feel ready to make a change? Do you remember some of those from the last episode, acknowledging the dissatisfaction acknowledging the desires? Asking yourself honestly, if you're willing, and asking where you're capable? And where do you need to work on some skills? 1:02

How do you go from sitting on the couch staring at your phone to DOING the THING you said you WANTED to be doing? I want to teach you how to spot AMBIVALENCE and how to address it, so you can go through the steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious and feel ready and motivated to make the changes you want in your life.    I reference the 'last episode' and since I recorded this episode earlier, this is the 'last episode' on Habit Refinement that I am referring to.  What is ambivalence?  Ambivalence is being of two minds, you want it and you don't. Ambivalence distances us from making change - sometimes this distance is helpful and sometimes it just keeps us stuck  The steps of moving from ambivalent to ambitious  * Waking up to your life and becoming aware of our dissatisfaction and/or our desires. This can be a very uncomfortable stage that requires humility and bravery to address. Ambivalence shows up here with a defense for the status quo * Willingness to make a change, and the most important thing required here is honesty on if you are in fact WILLING to make the change and go through the change process * A sense of capability. We expect ourselves to be innately capable of making changes and overlook the fact that making change takes layers of skills we need to develop and hone.  Change takes more than just discipline and motivation I wanted to lay all of this foundation out because it is worth acknowledging what it actually takes to be ready to make a change. We often think we just need motivation and discipline and then change will be innate. But it takes so much more, particularly paying attention to the stories we are telling ourselves and what we really truly want and are willing to do.    Help yourself move from ambivalent to ambitious * What am I dissatisfied with here? What is my part in it? What is in MY control? * What do I want, what do I desire? What doubts come up for me here? * Am I willing to make this change, and go through this process? * What skills do I have that will help me? What skills do I think I will need to work on developing? Am I willing to do that?   Episodes mentioned 150. A new approach to habit change: routine and habit refinement 139. Are you TOO comfortable? And what is it costing you? 140. Give your discomfort a purpose #uncomfortableonpurpose   FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:06 Hey friends, it's Shawn, your nerdy girlfriend life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the simple purpose podcast. If you are a simple on purpose podcast listener returning again, Welcome, friend. So glad that you were here coming back time and time again, I love spending this time with you. And if you're new here, welcome around here around simple on purpose. And we're all about finding ways to make your life more simple and more purposeful, so you can show up for the things that really matter to you. 0:32 In this new year,

In order to do my capsule wardrobe challenge (#moms30for30) I decided to do a big closet declutter. I'm sharing my takeaways and tips to help you do that big clothes declutter, make refined decisions about what stays, and have a strategy to build up a capsule wardrobe that WORKS FOR YOU! Cause, you need a wardrobe that works for your lifestyle,  your taste and your body!   The steps of my recent big closet declutter: * Precontemplation: motivation, conviction, paying attention to what is there, considering the style vision you have for yourself *  The total closet clear-out: considering do I NEED more clothes? * Approach to choosing what would stay in my closet: what stays vs what goes,  refining my closet, choosing items I love * Questions to ask to decide what stays: versatility, fit, personal style * How to consider your lifestyle when choosing what clothes to keep: hobbies, activities, weather, job, your seasonal lifestyle, how you want to feel in your current life, etc.  Approaches to building a capsule wardrobe: * Focus less on numbers and meet yourself where you are at * Seasonal rotations  * Creating uniforms (owning it and making ones that work for your lifestyle)  * How to handle the clothes you are decluttering (the safe option vs the one that is hard for us) * Consider how you like to interact with fashion (room to play vs sticking to simple and timeless)   The steps to build a capsule wardrobe that works for your life * Keep what you LOVE * Keep what you feel good in (fit, style, shape, colour) * Keep clothes that work for your lifestyle * Spend the time getting to know your closet and learning how to put outfits together * Make some uniforms you can have as go-to outfits * Consider the 'gaps' items that you want to bring in.  * Shop with a list, shop mindfully  * Don't buy into the urgency to have a perfect capsule wardrobe tomorrow    How to join in the #moms30for capsule wardrobe challenge (Feb 1st!) * Share in the Facebook group * Tag me on Instagram   Episodes mentioned: Episode 151. Capsule wardrobe challenge #moms3for30 Saturday morning chores Waves of decluttering, How I Started Decluttering (+ tips and insights) Episode 90. Declutter ‘what if I need it one day?’ items from your home with THIS shift Episode 104. Dress like you are 30 read all about the past #moms30for30 here  

The 30for30 is a popular closet remix challenge. This February 1st I will be hosting a #moms30for30, which is a challenge we have been doing since 2014, where we wear 30 items for 30 days.  You can learn so much about your relationship to your clothes and how to make your closet WORK FOR YOU!    The build-up to the big closet declutter: * Packing outfits for a trip * How do you feel when you see your fave outfits hung up in a tidy closet * How do you feel about your cluttered closet full of all the things What can help you do an effective closet declutter?  If you are gearing up to declutter your closet then consider getting to know your clothes, putting them through an interview of what will stay. I like to do this with a closet remix challenge, like the #moms30for30, wearing 30 items for 30 days and putting together different outfits.  Start paying attention to the clothes you reach for the most, try on clothes you rarely wear and ask how you feel in them (are they uncomfortable for you?).    What we need to know about doing a closet remix challenge This isn't about looking the most instagrammable for a full month. This is about getting dressed, putting outfits together and making some decisions about what will earn a spot in your closet.  This comes down to the big question we often face when we declutter our clothes: Can I still be enough if I don't keep a closet full of options? Decluttering your closet may challenge your sense of security and you might not a scarcity mindset coming in (check out the episode on that right here).    Will you join the challenge and do a 30for30 with us? This is about learning more about your relationship to your clothes and how you are dressing yourself each day.  I am doing this challenge for the seventh time (started them in 2014) and I learn (relearn) something valuable about my relationship to my clothes and how I am getting dressed.  This is meant to be fun and helpful. It can help you put together outfits that you feel great in.  The challenge isn't about being the cutest and trendiest, the challenge is more about getting dressed each day.    Ways to let me know you will join in the challenge: Share it in the Facebook group Let me know on Instagram Let me know by responding to the Simple Saturdays email   Full transcript 0:09 Welcome to this podcast. I'm here to help you think about the ways that you have been showing up for your life on autopilot. Letting life just happen at you letting things just build up. You might notice this if you have some frustrations and overwhelmed some resentment, you might be living on autopilot. And I want to help you look at the ways that you can simplify. Remove the distractions, remove the clutter, from your home, your heart and your life, so that you can show up for things on purpose with intention. 0:38 So this, it's been a while. It's been a while since I've been back on the podcast, I took a week off again, this winter is slowing me down. I feel like maybe I should just hibernate, like maybe I should just call it what it is and...

The new year brings a lot of thought to the goals and habits we want to have.  I have a new tool for you to try if you are feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with all the work that goes into creating new habits and stopping 'bad habits'. This is called habit refinement.    A new tool to try for making habit change With this tool, we do a habit audit to get awareness around what. is already happening and then we use our vision/goals to help us determine how we can refine our current habits and routines to better serve us.  Get the worksheets Throughout this episode, I am sharing examples of how I use this tool and I have some worksheets for you to put it into practice in your own life too.  Try a new approach to habit change I know this approach might feel counter-intuitive but I encourage you to give it a try as you approach making changes in your life this year.  I think you will find this is a gentle yet still challenging way to approach habit change that might help you be more sustainable in your efforts.  Posts and resources mentioned in this episode: * Find all the shows and the show notes (and transcripts) right here * How to make a daily routine that works for you and your family (especially for those of you at home with your kids home from school right now) * Four simple habits that make my momlife better (for ideas on simple habit refinement you can add to your routine) * The Live your Vision worksheets (the free worksheets to help you set a vision for the nine areas of your life) * The Life on Purpose workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live) * Habit & Routine Refinement (the worksheets that go with this episode) * How to hygge when you're a busy mom (for that cozy, connected, contented vibe of HYGGE that I mentioned in the Simple Pleasure) * Hygge vs minimalism (how these two trends stack up to one another) Get connected: * Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) * The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) * Tag me on Instagram  FULL TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:06 Around here, I am sharing ways that you can declutter your home, your heart, and your life. So that you can get rid of those distractions, those frustrations, those sources of overwhelm that are slowing you down, and keeping you from showing up well, for the things that you do want, keeping you from showing up with purpose and intention every single day in the little things that are going to move you closer to that life that you want to be building into. 0:38

How do you want to spend your time? Your energy? Your space and money? When you decide in line with your values you will feel intentional and purposeful with all your little and big decisions.  Knowing your personal values helps you learn more about what matters to you, how you want to show up and how to make confident choices in your day and life.  But many of us are out of touch with our values, or we have lost touch with them when we entered into motherhood. I want to help you uncover what matters to you, what your personal values are - and I want to do that without the overwhelm that comes from looking at a blank slate.    Knowing your values helps you with: * Handling the world of 'too much' and decision fatigue (episode on that here) * Saying your BEST YES, owning your decisions * Feeling like you are living with integrity, purpose and contentment  In this episode, we talk about * Times when we aren't in touch with our values, how we lose touch with them, how we adopt other people's values instead of uncovering our own * Three simple exercises to find your personal values * A simple conversation you can have with your loved ones to talk about your values in the season ahead * How to approach setting values for this season ahead * How to determine if it is your personal value or just one you think you 'should' have   Related posts: * Blog post: Can A Minimalist Have a Full Kitchen? * Blog post: I've been living on auto-pilot and I'm changing my ways * Blog post: How to define simple living for your family   Resources mentioned: * The Live your Values worksheets * The Live your Vision worksheets * The Life on Purpose Workbook (discover, organize and plan the life you want to live) * The Life on Purpose Roadmap (self-paced course, a life coach in your pocket!)   Get connected: * Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) * The Facebook group (make sure to answer the entry questions) * Tag me on Instagram    Episode Transcript (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends, it's Shawna, you're here to go in life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome back. Welcome to 2022. Welcome back to the podcast, you might know that I have taken a break from the podcast this past month, it was a much needed break. For me, I think, actually my first ever break from the podcast since I started in 2018. And I was sharing with you guys over the past couple of episodes. And in the email that I was in a really demanding season this past month demanding of my time and demanding of my emotions. And a big factor in all of that is that I had all three kids home and you...

Family traditions are something we often think about as we start having kids. Many of us are looking for traditions to bring into our holidays that help us make memories with our kids. Sometimes we even feel an urgency to find the 'right ones, right now'.   As we start to incorporate these new tradition ideas, sometimes they don't always work. But here is why I think it is worth spending the effort doing some trial and error with traditions. . . .      In this episode we cover: * the ways that traditions help us express our values as a family * the role of traditions in family heritage * finding stability in the routine of traditions * the urgency we have to establish our new family traditions * traditions we tried that DIDN'T work * traditions that DO work for us  * what I've learned about having Christmas traditions as a young family  The Christmas Pajama Stockings The blog post with all the Christmas tradition ideas is right here Simple Christmas Series Simple Christmas Podcast Episodes * Episode 42. How to simplify the Christmas stress & gift giving (your Q+As) * Episode 43. Tips to Simplify Your Christmas (kids, clutter, traditions, hosting, festivities). Simple Christmas Series Blog Posts * Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable * 11 Ways to Simplify the Gift Giving * Our Fave Minimalist and Clutter-Free Kid Gift Ideas * Easy Toddler Christmas and Advent Activities * Five Tips to Make Your Christmas Simpler and More Enjoyable * Nine Ways to Make Your Gifts More Thoughtful * How to Shop Your Closet for Great Holiday Outfits * Bust These ‘Good Hostess’ Myths and Open Up Your Home this Holiday Season * 42 Simple Ways to Spread the Love this Christmas

Would you like to be more intentional with how you use your phone? Do you want to set boundaries and take back control of what your relationship with your phone looks like? In this episode, I have tips on how to do all of this, and I share my own personal phone boundaries that you might like to try too. Make sure to get the worksheets to help you create your own plan for creating intentional phone habits.    Follow up to the last episode on the phone habits and addictions that are made on autopilot.  * Do you have a motivation for changing your current phone habits? What do you want more of? Less of?  * If you want to understand your current phone habits, get the worksheets from the last episode right here.  In this episode we cover: * What we are trying to GET from our phones, what we turn to them for.  * Getting our needs met in REAL LIFE and not just by our phones * How to be intentional with your phone * Setting boundaries with how you use your phone * I share my own personal phone limits and challenges that help me be intentional and accountable with my phone habits * Being intentional with your time OFF of your phone as well * Challenging the autopilot habits you have created with your phone * Challenging the cultural phone habits we accept as the status quo  * Changing your mind about what you think about your phone * Challenging the sense of urgency you get from your phone * Being uncomfortable as you learn not to rely on your phone * Doing the work of practising new and more intentional phone habits   Get the worksheets to help you set intentional phone habits for yourself  This episode has worksheets to help you explore this topic and make an action plan for yourself. Get the worksheets right here.      Links mentioned in this episode: Episode 146 Understanding your autopilot phone habits Episode 77. Why you need a day of BEING, and take rest from the DOING When I Instagrammed My Own Life, and Not My Kids The Moms30for30 challenge   The next episode will come out in two weeks.  In the meantime, make sure to stay connected through: * The Simple Saturdays email (sign up here) * Simple on Purpose on Instagram * Share something in the closed Facebook group (join here, make sure to answer the entry questions) 

I get messages from moms, and coach women who feel like they are addicted to their phones. They share how it pulls them out of their presence with their kids and their lives. It sucks up their time and they feel like they never have enough time. It draws in their attention and they are scrolling social media that does NOT make them feel any better about themselves.  It seems that our phone usage isn't getting us what we want. * I want to unpack this relationship we have formed with our phones, by letting it be on autopilot.   * Make sure to get the worksheets that help you assess your relationship to your phone and better understand the exact impact it is having on you and your life.  The goal with all of this is not to villainize our phones (I like my phone!), and not to bring more judgment and shame onto ourselves (lasting positive change does not happen from a place of negative judgment) - the goal with this is AWARENESS - what is going on and is it working?   In this episode you will hear: * the good things about phones and technology * the term 'phone addiction'  * how are phone habits developed * the surprising find about habit-reward and how we use our phones * the negative impacts we might have from our phone habits * time, energy, relationships, work, attention, distractions, physical impacts, coping mechanism, mental health, sleep * the worksheets to help you understand how you are using your phone and how it is impacting you. We need to be aware of the costs before we choose to give up the benefit in some way.  GET THE FREE WORKSHEETS RIGHT HERE   Make sure to send in your QUESTIONS/TOPICS for an upcoming Q+A Episode. You can send them to me through Instagram, or share in the Facebook group.    LINKS The study on dopamine, rewards and phones Distracted phone users don't see the gorilla Text neck, how staring at your phone impacts your body     FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT (unedited) 0:00 Hey friends at Shawna your nerdy girlfriend and life coach from simple on purpose.ca Welcome to the Simple on Purpose Podcast, episode 146 Your relationship with your phone on autopilot. 0:16 And I know we hear a lot of negativity around the impacts of phones on us as a society on us in our daily lives. But before we kind of talk about that and unpack that, I want to talk about the good things because I think they really are good things. I am someone who likes my phone, I like to use it. I like the technology. 0:38 I got my first smartphone when I was like 27 or 28. So it's like 2009/ 2010. Before that it was the Flip Phone era in my life, there was a bit of texting, definitely not photos, surely no internet connection. And you know, back when I did get my phone, that there was this big catchy saying out there. There's an app for that. So everything was really about using these different types of apps for productivity and games. And you know, it was just really a place to check emails and play some games for the most part, I think.

I knew I had to share this episode as I heard more and more coaching clients tell me how much they appreciated hearing me say that I don't always enjoy my kids, that I was a mom martyr, that pregnancy was hard.  I keep hearing how much it matters to hear that they aren't alone in these struggles of motherhood.  In this episode I am talking about: * Feeling like you aren't 'normal' * Welcoming the resistance you might feel to the idea that you aren't alone * What I have seen in coaching groups of women and moms * The struggles I have in my own home, maybe you have them too  * Sibling rivalry * Having compassion for ourselves allows us to have it for others * Being honest about our struggles * Allowing people in, and offering support to others Stop by the Facebook community group or send me a message through Instagram.                View this post on Instagram                         A post shared by kristen bell (@kristenanniebell)     The list of links you might like/mentioned in this post: Permission to grieve (having a parent with dementia) Dear friend, you are not alone My C-Section and the feelings I was ashamed to admit I had The Baby That Always Cried (Our Story With Esophagitis) A Mom No Matter What (For the mom who had a hard labour and delivery) God's grace in difficult parenting  Marriage posts * When they tell me I'm lucky to have him * 12 ways to heal and strengthen your marriage Mom martyr (making motherhood harder than it needs to be) When I realized I didn't enjoy my kids

We hear a lot about the mental burden that moms carry. We have so many things on our minds about all the people and all the things that need to happen PLUS all the things we want to be doing for ourselves too. It is a weighty mental load that we are carrying around.  I want to talk about a concept that will help you see some ways you can lighten this mental load. The concept is decision fatigue, which is the overwhelm we feel from having to make so many decisions in our day.  And if you pay attention, you will notice how almost every moment we have another decision to make about what to eat, how to respond, how to spend our time, how to act, what to do next. And by the end of the day, we are exhausted by it.  I want to talk about practical ways to manage decision fatigue, so it is one less contributor to your mental load as a mom.      In this episode we cover: * Three ways that having too many choices impacts us and our satisfaction * The three ways we respond to too many choices * How struggling with making decisions impacts our view of ourselves and our capabilities * One guiding principle to deal with decision fatigue * Practical ways to put that into action * Helping our kids with decision fatigue * Why deciding ahead of time is more proactive    Products recommended here may include referral links to Amazon. If you click through and buy something I may earn a commission, at no cost to you.  Links The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwarz The Paradox of Choice TEDTalk The Life on Purpose Workbook Homemaker, on Purpose Family rhythms A Simple Hack to Make Meal Planning Easy Moms 30for30 (wearing 30 items of clothes for 30 days) How having fewer clothes makes my life easier Tips for putting outfits together Planning your day (for moms) What Happened When I Took Away Half of My Kids’ Toys Practical Advice For Purging Kids’ Toys Decluttering with kids FREE MINIGUIDE The Live Your Values FREE WORKSHEETS The Live Your Vision

There is a type of clutter we ALL have in our home. It is identity clutter - you know those items that for someone we are not - but rather for different versions of ourselves: our past self, our aspirational self, our socially-compliant self, and our test self.  I walk you through these four types of identity clutter, how they challenge our sense of self and what we can learn from them.  Make sure to get the download worksheet of the four types and clutter questions you can ask to help you decide what to do with the identity clutter.    What is identity clutter? Identity clutter are things in our home that are  Who we used to be (past self) Who we wish we could be (aspirational self) Who others think we should be (socially-compliant self) Who we think we are, but we aren’t sure, probably just following a trend (test self) How do trends contribute to identity clutter? A lot of our identity clutter comes from trying out trends. And it makes sense that we, as humans, would follow trends. There is safety in being part of the community, there is a sense of status we can display, and we are looking to others to inform us on what is socially acceptable.  However, the more we move from trend to trend, the less we actually take time to get to know who we are and what we like BEYOND the trends.    The physical burden of identity clutter The more obvious problem that identity clutter causes us is the use of space. The more space we give to storing these items, the less space we have for living our life.  The important question to consider here is: how do I WANT to use my space? This should also be an intentional and purposeful decision.    The emotional burden of identity clutter Whenever we see these items stored in our home, we are constantly reminded of who we AREN'T being. It can cause feelings like shame, or loss, or guilt, or frustration.  It can also cause overwhelm because it adds to the list of options of how we should spend our time and the person we should be. It can cause decision fatigue if a very subtle way.    When to declutter the identity clutter? In my experience with decluttering, it happens in waves. We start with the low hanging fruit, the hard 'no's. As we come back to these spaces from time to time, we keep refining and editing down from the bad/good to the ok/good then to the good/great.  The identity clutter, sentimental items and items we think are valuable are ones we often leave until a later stage as they require more examination and thought.  * Episode 90 covers the items that have us asking 'what if I need this one day?'   Why is identity clutter hard to get rid of? Each of these versions of 'us' can be hard to let go of. From mourning our past selves, to honouring our upbringing and all the 'stuff' that comes with that, to acknowledging the parts of our aspirational selves we are ready to let go of. You can listen to the When Shopping Isn't Making Your Life Better episode for more on the motivation behind our 'trend' self.  Each of these types of Identity Clutter brings along its own need to learn from,

We all feel this sense of  'ideal self' that we want to be moving towards. It is safe to assume a lot of us desire some change on some level in some area of our lives. But we need to consider what change will cost us. We can't ever change if we aren't willing to make some kind of investment in it.    Seeing where we need to make an INVESTMENT in the change we want This episode started out with me wanting to share on INBOX ZERO, but the issue became about the TIME it would take to accomplish inbox zero This brings up the issue of making an upfront investment in the change we want for later in our life.    We want to make changes As I have worked to live my life 'on purpose' (intentional living), it meant making a lot of change in my life.  And in almost every coaching session I have, I am working with someone on a change they want to make: change in relationships, in approach, in time management, in how they handle their health, etc.  But we need to be mindful of how easy we expect it to be.  DO WE WANT CHANGE? YES WHEN DO WE WANT IT? WHEN IT IS EASY!   Maintaining the status quo gets us more of the same Our daily lives are being run to maintain what we are already doing. So, we can almost predict what our future will be like based on what our status quo is right now. We will get more of the same.    Changing your life doesn't have to be a huge overhaul There is a famous Mel Robbins quote "the cost of your new life is your old one" and that always averted me from change. Sounds too big, no thank you.  My approach to change has been making small changes over time. And I really believe that making small investments over time can change your whole life (I share all about this right here)   What will change cost us? How will we pay for it? When I talk about investing in change, the cost of change, I am talking about using your AVAILABLE resources. These are the resources we all have available to us in some way: our time, our physical energy, our emotional energy, our space, our money. I talk about managing these resources in the Simplify Your Life Series Remeber, this is hard because we have to learn the skill of showing up for ourselves. When we invest in changing our life, it becomes 'you working for you'. I talk more about this skill in this episode: Do you trust yourself to show up for you   When we want an easy life I wanted an easy life, so I always did the 'easy things'. Turns out I had that wrong. If I wanted an easy life later, I had to do the hard thing now. I had to make some upfront investments and pay the cost now.    Discomfort either way, which one will you choose It can be freeing and humbling to realize: You are uncomfortable where you are, in the status quo Change will be uncomfortable, and maybe unfamiliar But the choice of which discomfort you choose is up to you.  Over these past few episodes, I have been challenging you to get  #uncomfortableonpurpose. I hope you keep tagging me on Instagram to share this and come share it in the