Better Sex

Parenting a trans teenPia is the mother of a transgender child (now twenty years old) who underwent a successful physical transition into his male self. Pia’s love for her kid and overall emotional resiliency shines through when she recounts the details of her child’s story.An advocate of providing a strong support system for everyone undergoing surgery or hormone therapy to transition into the gender of their choice, she is a shining example of the warmth needed for everyone involved. Her story and perspective are extremely important.A Tragic Beginning, But a Joyous Opportunity NonethelessFor Pia, she had no idea that her son was suffering. The self-harm, the fear, the loneliness, all of it came from a place of emotional insecurity so common for those who are going through the process of transitioning from female to male or vice versa. The most tragic part of this story is just how common it is for transgender or gender dysphoric individuals to feel terrified of sharing such a crucial facet of their identity with loved ones and friends. Pia says that there was such joy after having that first conversation with her son. Really, any show notes or summary won’t do Pia’s story justice, listen along and take in everything Pia has to say.“Vision is Different, But the Person is the Same.”Pia recounts just how difficult it was to get used to seeing her child in such a different way. It was inevitable that she would become tripped up his new appearance and gender, but she quickly reminded herself that the person was absolutely the same, even if the name and sex had changed. The vision was different, yes, but the person was absolutely the same. For more on this idea, Pia explains it very well. A Birth Instead of a DeathPia wants to remind listeners that she found herself caught up with thoughts of losing a daughter. In a way, she is right, and her feelings are justified. But ultimately, she knows that where a loss happens, so too a birth results after the operation. Pia once again doesn’t recount the tough aspects of the process to say, “poor me!” But instead, to let parents and friends know that those types of thoughts will crop up, don’t push them away, you are justified in feeling them, but don’t let them override the focus on what’s really important: the individual undergoing their transformation and their feelings and emotions.The Importance of Support SystemsTransition teams for transgenders, a supportive family and group of friends, programs that instill positivity and which educate those who are in the transitional stage--all of these things are extremely important aspects of the process. At one point, Pia shares an alarming statistic about transgender acceptance when she states that 1 out of 15 of the transgender in her son’s support group had been accepted by their families lovingly. The rest were usually ostracized. To juxtapose this information, Pia stresses the importance of support systems. And to hear Pia delve deeper into the aspects of what a support system should comprise and the roles that parents should have, tune in.What’s In a Name?Pia tells us that her son didn’t know what he felt at a young age; he just knew he was different. And it wasn’t until he came across a resource online where the term “transgender” first became apparent. This became a process of validation through the acquisition of new knowledge, which in turn led to the epiphanic moment for Pia’s son. This speaks to the fact that although the words might not always be readily available for explanation purposes, feelings are usually present from a very early age. Some sources say as early as age three.Take-Home MessagePia wants to impart some very valuable advice for listeners. One of these being that the transgender lifestyle is not a phase at all. Don’t treat it that way, as if a child, teenager, or adult who identifies as...

The Guide to Getting It On: A Self-Published PhenomenonIf there was ever an excuse to self-publish a book, The Guide is a great example of how successful one can be using the practice. After Paul had taken nine years to finish the first draft of what would become The Guide To Getting It On, he wasn’t met with much success as he tried to get his work into circulation. Even a North Carolinian editor of a publishing house wagged his finger, saying that the subject matter would never fly; but ironically, years later, his book is being used as a central resource for sexual education for three college courses in North Carolina. Paul goes on to speak about the many iterations of the book--he even had to cut almost half of his draft to appease editors. He eventually self-published the book and the rest is history. And for the rest on the ever-changing forms and revisions, the book has undergone, tune into the episode. It is a great listen!Why'd You Write About Sex, Paul?Money! Paul is a self-professed cash hound. Only joking, of course. In all seriousness, Paul had a very noble reason for choosing to write about sex so prolifically and profoundly: he wanted to help those who have anxiety regarding sex. He is also fascinated by the topic and wanted to provide as much an education for the average person as possible, with calculated dollops of comedic relief and cleverness thrown in for good measure. Pick up a copy of his book if you want to experience it for yourself!Generation P (Porn)There are many reasons why Paul’s work is so important: one of the most pressing needs is to teach a younger generation so steeped in porn that the industry is meant for entertainment, and thus should not be taken to be real sex. Because of porn’s ubiquity, more people are getting a degree in porn over a real sexual education. Masturbation isn’t a bad thing. Porn isn’t a bad thing. But to substitute a real anatomical and physiological understanding for one that isn’t real is detrimental to a collective understanding of the sexual realm. To hear more thoughts on the topic, listen along.Inclusivity is OverratedPaul talks about how conforming to hyper-politically-correct aspects of society tends to lead to bad writing. He also talks about how he learned early on to stick to the principle of: “write what you know.” The point being that the homosexual community doesn’t want to be patronized. They are strong enough as a community. And because Paul writes predominantly about heterosexual sex, his work is best served not trying to be overly-inclusive in nature. To paraphrase a quote by Kurt Vonnegut: “write for just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your writing will get pneumonia.”“Vulva? You Mean The Car?”During his career, Paul has struggled with knowing when to adopt new language for different editions of his book. Because nomenclature is always changing, and language as a whole is constantly evolving, the need to stay current is incredibly pressing. And that is one of the challenges of writing; he said that he learned the hard way to stop telling people what they should call certain parts of the body. For example, for years he referred to the vulva in his books, but he has since learned that not a lot of people are comfortable with the term. "Vagina" is a much friendlier term. For more on this, tune in!Is The Guide Safe For Teenagers? You Betcha!One question that Paul gets asked a lot is if he can write another sex guide solely for teenagers. They are often referred back to the original source. As if teenagers need more abstractions and euphemisms instead of a thorough education on sexual function and health. To learn more why an entire guide devoted to teenagers is unnecessary, stop by and listen for yourself!About Paul JoannidesPaul Joannides had aspirations to write chemistry books before he turned to the complex...

The Guide to Getting It On: A Self-Published PhenomenonIf there was ever an excuse to self-publish a book, The Guide is a great example of how successful one can be using the practice. After Paul had taken nine years to finish the first draft of what would become The Guide To Getting It On, he wasn’t met with much success as he tried to get his work into circulation. Even a North Carolinian editor of a publishing house wagged his finger, saying that the subject matter would never fly; but ironically, years later, his book is being used as a central resource for sexual education for three college courses in North Carolina. Paul goes on to speak about the many iterations of the book--he even had to cut almost half of his draft to appease editors. He eventually self-published the book and the rest is history. And for the rest on the ever-changing forms and revisions, the book has undergone, tune into the episode. It is a great listen!Why'd You Write About Sex, Paul?Money! Paul is a self-professed cash hound. Only joking, of course. In all seriousness, Paul had a very noble reason for choosing to write about sex so prolifically and profoundly: he wanted to help those who have anxiety regarding sex. He is also fascinated by the topic and wanted to provide as much an education for the average person as possible, with calculated dollops of comedic relief and cleverness thrown in for good measure. Pick up a copy of his book if you want to experience it for yourself!Generation P (Porn)There are many reasons why Paul’s work is so important: one of the most pressing needs is to teach a younger generation so steeped in porn that the industry is meant for entertainment, and thus should not be taken to be real sex. Because of porn’s ubiquity, more people are getting a degree in porn over a real sexual education. Masturbation isn’t a bad thing. Porn isn’t a bad thing. But to substitute a real anatomical and physiological understanding for one that isn’t real is detrimental to a collective understanding of the sexual realm. To hear more thoughts on the topic, listen along.Inclusivity is OverratedPaul talks about how conforming to hyper-politically-correct aspects of society tends to lead to bad writing. He also talks about how he learned early on to stick to the principle of: “write what you know.” The point being that the homosexual community doesn’t want to be patronized. They are strong enough as a community. And because Paul writes predominantly about heterosexual sex, his work is best served not trying to be overly-inclusive in nature. To paraphrase a quote by Kurt Vonnegut: “write for just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, your writing will get pneumonia.”“Vulva? You Mean The Car?”During his career, Paul has struggled with knowing when to adopt new language for different editions of his book. Because nomenclature is always changing, and language as a whole is constantly evolving, the need to stay current is incredibly pressing. And that is one of the challenges of writing; he said that he learned the hard way to stop telling people what they should call certain parts of the body. For example, for years he referred to the vulva in his books, but he has since learned that not a lot of people are comfortable with the term. "Vagina" is a much friendlier term. For more on this, tune in!Is The Guide Safe For Teenagers? You Betcha!One question that Paul gets asked a lot is if he can write another sex guide solely for teenagers. They are often referred back to the original source. As if teenagers need more abstractions and euphemisms instead of a thorough education on sexual function and health. To learn more why an entire guide devoted to teenagers is unnecessary, stop by and listen for yourself!About Paul JoannidesPaul Joannides had aspirations to write chemistry books before he turned to the complex...

Our Body Image: Is it Environmentally Reinforced?To start this episode, Jenny shares her fascination for the “etiology” (origin) of our body image. That is, when did we first become self-conscious about our bodies? Jenny states that she did over sixty interviews during the research stage of The Body Image Blueprint and the answer she found is fascinating. To learn of this central source, where most of our insecurities first become apparent, tune into the episode.The Positive Impacts of Jenny’s WorkJenny shares some of the facets of her clients’ lives that are completely enriched and rejuvenated: from improved self-esteem to VASTLY improved sexual function, all were centered on techniques that were gradually applied and eventually compounded to an increased quality of life. For more on just how positive the impacts of her work, you can read testimonials on her website, as well as listen along to the episode.Body Image and SexualityPlain and simple, one’s body image is inextricably linked to one’s sexuality. And because of that, Jenny knows the symptoms of stress and insecurity, and how they can detract from an overall healthy sexuality. During the interview, she talks about the importance of expansion over restriction. So often, self-consciousness holds us back from being our most expressive self in the bedroom, and as a result, our sex suffers. As Jenny states, we are often far too mired in our stress-response to actually experience pleasure. The bedroom shouldn’t be a stress-inducing place; it should be stress-relieving. For more brilliant insights on the topic, Jenny goes even deeper during the interview.Lights Off During Sex? Not Anymore!Jenny relays the tragic fact that many are too ashamed of their bodies to have sex with the lights on. Be it the result of shame or an inability to be comfortable in their own skin, many are afraid. But Jenny has a technique which she uses with some of her clients. It involves a mirror and it has vast potential for getting people more comfortable with their naked bodies. Tune in to hear what it entails.Not Just Women, but Men as WellAnother important fact that Jenny points out during the interview is that men are affected by negative body images as well. Be it specific measurements of a certain nature or socially-reinforced ideas of muscularity and masculinity, the guy can go through the same sort of insecurities about body image as the woman.Embracing Pleasure Through Sensuality and MindfulnessJenny states that embracing pleasure is absolutely essential for any healthy dynamic in the bedroom. And the way to get there is through sensuality and mindfulness. Regarding sensuality, we need to focus on the sensations that arise in the moment. Once we become attuned to our bodies instead of looking to escape them, we can truly learn to embrace pleasure. There are certain mindfulness techniques that Jenny brings up during the episode that are very helpful in achieving this focus on sensuality. Check it out!The Three Precursors to LoveThe first two precursors to a love of one’s body are trust and respect. The first of these, trust, might be the most important of the precursors. Through it, we can learn to trust the sensations that we feel, without looking for an end goal. Because poor performance or an unsatisfactory ending can derail a positive sexual experience, learning to trust the present-moment sensations and experiences is of tantamount importance. Through mindfulness, sex becomes less about “finishing” and more about the sensual journey along the way. For the last precursor to self-love, listen to the interview!Mindful EatingJenny also talks about how the same sort of principles used for mindfulness during sex can be used for eating. Looking to change her clients’ perceptions about eating as a whole, the activity becomes a much more profound experience...

Our Body Image: Is it Environmentally Reinforced?To start this episode, Jenny shares her fascination for the “etiology” (origin) of our body image. That is, when did we first become self-conscious about our bodies? Jenny states that she did over sixty interviews during the research stage of The Body Image Blueprint and the answer she found is fascinating. To learn of this central source, where most of our insecurities first become apparent, tune into the episode.The Positive Impacts of Jenny’s WorkJenny shares some of the facets of her clients’ lives that are completely enriched and rejuvenated: from improved self-esteem to VASTLY improved sexual function, all were centered on techniques that were gradually applied and eventually compounded to an increased quality of life. For more on just how positive the impacts of her work, you can read testimonials on her website, as well as listen along to the episode.Body Image and SexualityPlain and simple, one’s body image is inextricably linked to one’s sexuality. And because of that, Jenny knows the symptoms of stress and insecurity, and how they can detract from an overall healthy sexuality. During the interview, she talks about the importance of expansion over restriction. So often, self-consciousness holds us back from being our most expressive self in the bedroom, and as a result, our sex suffers. As Jenny states, we are often far too mired in our stress-response to actually experience pleasure. The bedroom shouldn’t be a stress-inducing place; it should be stress-relieving. For more brilliant insights on the topic, Jenny goes even deeper during the interview.Lights Off During Sex? Not Anymore!Jenny relays the tragic fact that many are too ashamed of their bodies to have sex with the lights on. Be it the result of shame or an inability to be comfortable in their own skin, many are afraid. But Jenny has a technique which she uses with some of her clients. It involves a mirror and it has vast potential for getting people more comfortable with their naked bodies. Tune in to hear what it entails.Not Just Women, but Men as WellAnother important fact that Jenny points out during the interview is that men are affected by negative body images as well. Be it specific measurements of a certain nature or socially-reinforced ideas of muscularity and masculinity, the guy can go through the same sort of insecurities about body image as the woman.Embracing Pleasure Through Sensuality and MindfulnessJenny states that embracing pleasure is absolutely essential for any healthy dynamic in the bedroom. And the way to get there is through sensuality and mindfulness. Regarding sensuality, we need to focus on the sensations that arise in the moment. Once we become attuned to our bodies instead of looking to escape them, we can truly learn to embrace pleasure. There are certain mindfulness techniques that Jenny brings up during the episode that are very helpful in achieving this focus on sensuality. Check it out!The Three Precursors to LoveThe first two precursors to a love of one’s body are trust and respect. The first of these, trust, might be the most important of the precursors. Through it, we can learn to trust the sensations that we feel, without looking for an end goal. Because poor performance or an unsatisfactory ending can derail a positive sexual experience, learning to trust the present-moment sensations and experiences is of tantamount importance. Through mindfulness, sex becomes less about “finishing” and more about the sensual journey along the way. For the last precursor to self-love, listen to the interview!Mindful EatingJenny also talks about how the same sort of principles used for mindfulness during sex can be used for eating. Looking to change her clients’ perceptions about eating as a whole, the activity becomes a much more profound experience...

Using the Term “Cougar”To start this episode, Suzanna talks about the negative connotations surrounding the title “cougar.” There are considerable allusions to predatory behavior when the term is brought up. Of course, Suzanna was well aware of this and after much deliberation, she decided to still include the oft-controversial “cougar” in the subtitle of her book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: Navigating Cougar-Cub Dating and Relationships. To find out the reason why tune into this very fascinating episode.Researching Mrs. Robinson: Suzanna Writes the Book on CougarsWhen it came to researching a book about such a seemingly risqué subject, she tapped into both the entertaining and scholarly aspects of the topic. Discussing some of the minute scientific concepts in an enjoyable way, Suzanna delves deeper into elements of sexuality, gender roles, evolution, generational differences, and the role that technology has played in shaping sexuality in our culture. She touches briefly on these overarching themes in the interview, but to fully experience it, picking up a copy of her book wouldn’t hurt.Evolutionary PsychologyIn addition to the aforementioned elements that Mathews researched for her book, she talks about evolutionary psychology in a way that is as informative as it is enlightening. Talking about the female perspective, in particular, women have developed neurophysiological behaviors that can offer up insights into what Suzanna calls a “hyper-analysis” in relationships--one which often acts as a barrier for most women. For more on this crucial idea, listen to Suzanna further explain the concept from an evolutionary perspective.Ageism and SexismWithout a doubt, the things that Suzanna says about ageism and sexism in this episode are the crux of the whole topic. Because of the considerable age gap (often 15-20 years difference) between a cub and a cougar, issues of age are omnipresent--from a cultural perspective, as well as an internal, personal perspective in the minds of the women involved. Suzanna also makes some cogent points about the sexism that pervades the cougar-cub dating culture.Some Benefits to a Cougar-Cub DynamicThere are many benefits to dating older women. There are also many crucial reasons for an older woman to date a younger man. This includes being a potential palate cleanser from a previous relationship. For the juicy details, tuning into the episode is a must-do!The Possible Cons of Joining the Cougar-Cub ClubJust as there are benefits, so too there are cons for this type of relationship. One of the most basic being that generational gaps are very pronounced; this might lead to discrepancies incompatibility, especially in the bedroom.Take-Home Messages and Other Advice from SuzannaSuzanna shares some advice and insights worth their weight in gold, one of them being the importance of women establishing a realistic baseline for body positivity. Because of the inevitable aesthetic differences between a young man and an older woman, it is of paramount importance for body positivity to be stressed relatively early in the relationship. Once a realistic baseline has been established, date away! For the rest, tune into the episode and listen along.BackgroundSuzanna is Founder and President of Date Maven. Through this platform, she provides the invaluable service of coaching clients through the sometimes daunting world of dating and matchmaking. In addition, she is a keynote speaker, a brand-enhancer for the dating market, an image consultant, a writer, and an event planner. Lastly, Suzanna works as a presentation coach, where she gives advice and guidance to executives on how to speak clearly, persuasively, and powerfully.No stranger to presenting at big events herself, she is a frequent speaker at conferences worldwide. She has also made appearances on radio and TV...

Using the Term “Cougar”To start this episode, Suzanna talks about the negative connotations surrounding the title “cougar.” There are considerable allusions to predatory behavior when the term is brought up. Of course, Suzanna was well aware of this and after much deliberation, she decided to still include the oft-controversial “cougar” in the subtitle of her book, Revising Mrs. Robinson: Navigating Cougar-Cub Dating and Relationships. To find out the reason why tune into this very fascinating episode.Researching Mrs. Robinson: Suzanna Writes the Book on CougarsWhen it came to researching a book about such a seemingly risqué subject, she tapped into both the entertaining and scholarly aspects of the topic. Discussing some of the minute scientific concepts in an enjoyable way, Suzanna delves deeper into elements of sexuality, gender roles, evolution, generational differences, and the role that technology has played in shaping sexuality in our culture. She touches briefly on these overarching themes in the interview, but to fully experience it, picking up a copy of her book wouldn’t hurt.Evolutionary PsychologyIn addition to the aforementioned elements that Mathews researched for her book, she talks about evolutionary psychology in a way that is as informative as it is enlightening. Talking about the female perspective, in particular, women have developed neurophysiological behaviors that can offer up insights into what Suzanna calls a “hyper-analysis” in relationships--one which often acts as a barrier for most women. For more on this crucial idea, listen to Suzanna further explain the concept from an evolutionary perspective.Ageism and SexismWithout a doubt, the things that Suzanna says about ageism and sexism in this episode are the crux of the whole topic. Because of the considerable age gap (often 15-20 years difference) between a cub and a cougar, issues of age are omnipresent--from a cultural perspective, as well as an internal, personal perspective in the minds of the women involved. Suzanna also makes some cogent points about the sexism that pervades the cougar-cub dating culture.Some Benefits to a Cougar-Cub DynamicThere are many benefits to dating older women. There are also many crucial reasons for an older woman to date a younger man. This includes being a potential palate cleanser from a previous relationship. For the juicy details, tuning into the episode is a must-do!The Possible Cons of Joining the Cougar-Cub ClubJust as there are benefits, so too there are cons for this type of relationship. One of the most basic being that generational gaps are very pronounced; this might lead to discrepancies incompatibility, especially in the bedroom.Take-Home Messages and Other Advice from SuzannaSuzanna shares some advice and insights worth their weight in gold, one of them being the importance of women establishing a realistic baseline for body positivity. Because of the inevitable aesthetic differences between a young man and an older woman, it is of paramount importance for body positivity to be stressed relatively early in the relationship. Once a realistic baseline has been established, date away! For the rest, tune into the episode and listen along.BackgroundSuzanna is Founder and President of Date Maven. Through this platform, she provides the invaluable service of coaching clients through the sometimes daunting world of dating and matchmaking. In addition, she is a keynote speaker, a brand-enhancer for the dating market, an image consultant, a writer, and an event planner. Lastly, Suzanna works as a presentation coach, where she gives advice and guidance to executives on how to speak clearly, persuasively, and powerfully.No stranger to presenting at big events herself, she is a frequent speaker at conferences worldwide. She has also made appearances on radio and TV...

Basics of Matchmaking SchoolListen in as Peggy describes her learning experience at the Matchmaking Institute of New York. What do you need to pay attention to when matchmaking? Peggy details that listening carefully during one-on-one sessions and making sure to take care of the business are essential.A Traditional MatchmakerWondering what the role of the Traditional Matchmaker is all about? It isn’t all that easy. Tune in as she discusses her role and what happens as she helps single men seek their significant halves.Getting to Know the ClientsAs an important and unique step, Peggy’s process involves a friendly and in-depth interview process to get to know the men who sign up for her services. For a healthy addition after the initial meetings, she helps her clients with additional advice and coaching.What Happens as the Relationship Progresses?A second date? You don’t want to miss out! Peggy describes the matchmaking process as it evolves when a match is made. In her position, she treats the matchmaking relationship as one where she plays the role of support, coach, and consultant, providing advice to help the matchmaking continue in a positive direction.A Heterosexual Business ModelWith a different twist on things, we learn what is Important for her clients and this has led to a focus on heterosexual relationships. She discusses that while other matchmakers are focused in other areas, being focused on the heterosexual niche allows her to provide better attention and service to her clientele.Finding the Right Date & PersonalitySomething that we may never have considered previously, hear Peggy discuss the role of online dating versus the commitment involved in matchmaking services. Peggy further explains how her organization is focused on professional businessmen in and around the Seattle area.With each one of her clients providing a different set of values, Peggy describes the critical factors of personalities and preferences to help her clients find the right mates.Applying Pressure and Opening MindsFinding the line and crossing it. Hear Peggy describe how she sometimes pushes the limits for her clients and partners. While she does her best to find the perfect match, sometimes her clients may not understand or see it the same way at first. However, Peggy’s intuition and experience has proved her correct time and again.Successful DatesEliminate the phone number exchange. One of Peggy’s principles to her matchmaking first date is to avoid the exchange of phone numbers. Join in to learn about some of the other advice she offers to people who are on their first date- some helpful tips you don’t want to miss. How does sitting at the bar help make a date more lively? Listen as she explains the benefits of moving the date setting to sitting at the bar.Doing Something and Dressed for SuccessListen to the lady with the experience and know- how. Peggy’s tips include having a second date that is physical and involves moving around. Hear her describe why physical activity during the second date is important. A second important word of advice is to make a good impression by being appropriately dressed for the occasion.Support and ContactPeggy takes her role to help her clients have a well-rounded experience to finding a mate, both for her matchmaking services and with improving online profiles, very seriously.Indulge in her 8-week coaching program and advice every other week with her podcast “Real Souls”. Importantly, Peggy wants to help people “manifest their best life”.BackgroundPeggy Bennett is the founder of Straight to the Heart Matchmaking, helping Seattle singles find love. Her portfolio includes working as a one-on-one consultant for Fortune 500 companies. Peggy’s intuitive abilities for matchmaking turned a hobby into...

Basics of Matchmaking SchoolListen in as Peggy describes her learning experience at the Matchmaking Institute of New York. What do you need to pay attention to when matchmaking? Peggy details that listening carefully during one-on-one sessions and making sure to take care of the business are essential.A Traditional MatchmakerWondering what the role of the Traditional Matchmaker is all about? It isn’t all that easy. Tune in as she discusses her role and what happens as she helps single men seek their significant halves.Getting to Know the ClientsAs an important and unique step, Peggy’s process involves a friendly and in-depth interview process to get to know the men who sign up for her services. For a healthy addition after the initial meetings, she helps her clients with additional advice and coaching.What Happens as the Relationship Progresses?A second date? You don’t want to miss out! Peggy describes the matchmaking process as it evolves when a match is made. In her position, she treats the matchmaking relationship as one where she plays the role of support, coach, and consultant, providing advice to help the matchmaking continue in a positive direction.A Heterosexual Business ModelWith a different twist on things, we learn what is Important for her clients and this has led to a focus on heterosexual relationships. She discusses that while other matchmakers are focused in other areas, being focused on the heterosexual niche allows her to provide better attention and service to her clientele.Finding the Right Date & PersonalitySomething that we may never have considered previously, hear Peggy discuss the role of online dating versus the commitment involved in matchmaking services. Peggy further explains how her organization is focused on professional businessmen in and around the Seattle area.With each one of her clients providing a different set of values, Peggy describes the critical factors of personalities and preferences to help her clients find the right mates.Applying Pressure and Opening MindsFinding the line and crossing it. Hear Peggy describe how she sometimes pushes the limits for her clients and partners. While she does her best to find the perfect match, sometimes her clients may not understand or see it the same way at first. However, Peggy’s intuition and experience has proved her correct time and again.Successful DatesEliminate the phone number exchange. One of Peggy’s principles to her matchmaking first date is to avoid the exchange of phone numbers. Join in to learn about some of the other advice she offers to people who are on their first date- some helpful tips you don’t want to miss. How does sitting at the bar help make a date more lively? Listen as she explains the benefits of moving the date setting to sitting at the bar.Doing Something and Dressed for SuccessListen to the lady with the experience and know- how. Peggy’s tips include having a second date that is physical and involves moving around. Hear her describe why physical activity during the second date is important. A second important word of advice is to make a good impression by being appropriately dressed for the occasion.Support and ContactPeggy takes her role to help her clients have a well-rounded experience to finding a mate, both for her matchmaking services and with improving online profiles, very seriously.Indulge in her 8-week coaching program and advice every other week with her podcast “Real Souls”. Importantly, Peggy wants to help people “manifest their best life”.BackgroundPeggy Bennett is the founder of Straight to the Heart Matchmaking, helping Seattle singles find love. Her portfolio includes working as a one-on-one consultant for Fortune 500 companies. Peggy’s intuitive abilities for matchmaking turned a hobby into...

The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance.I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic.The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it.Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too?And most importantly, how do you get out?You Are Not AloneThis cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going.Sex Gets HardIt’s normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age.We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well.Then there’s the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older.DisappointmentThis is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex.It’s like a test, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn’t a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful.It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to…AvoidanceYou find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural.All of this then builds…PressureThe topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What’s wrong with us? Why don’t we want to have sex? It’s definitely on your mind, even if you’re not talking about it.This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.”And if it isn’t, you’re back to disappointment. Round and round…How Do You Break the Cycle?First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.”Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex.Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment…And the cycle is broken.Listener QuestionsNew to the show, I respond to a listener’s questions about difficulties in his relationship.Jessa’s book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the...

The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is far more common than many would believe, and I talk about this situation, what causes it and perpetuates its continuance.I also answer the first of my listener questions during this “Soapbox” episode where I get to help you understand this important topic.The Sexual Avoidance Cycle is pretty much the basis for my new book, Sex Without Stress, and today I try to answer some important questions people commonly have about it.Firstly, what is the cycle? And what are all the things that play into it? How do people get trapped into the cycle and why does it make sense that you may be stuck too?And most importantly, how do you get out?You Are Not AloneThis cycle is very common, I see it all the time in my practice. It starts with some sort of disappointment around a sexual experience, often leading to avoidance, which can put undue stress and pressure on the sexual piece of a relationship, which can be disappointing…and you can see where this is going.Sex Gets HardIt’s normal to have trouble with sex. Things come up. Physical issues like sexual dysfunction, illness or disease, or changes in physical functioning as we age.We all experience challenges within our relationships too. The dynamics change, there are communication or conflict issues, we grow and change as people, and our desires around sex shift as well.Then there’s the general busyness of life and things that happen as we get older.DisappointmentThis is generally the first step towards a lap around the Sexual Avoidance Cycle. There is some negative experience with sex and if it happens on a regular basis, it can make it feel risky to even have sex.It’s like a test, but you’re not sure how you’re going to do. Are you going to pass? Or fail? Sex isn’t a test, but this is how people often feel and it can be extremely stressful.It creates a perpetual increase in anxiety around sex which will often lead to…AvoidanceYou find yourself, or maybe your partner, avoiding conversations about sex. And even avoiding the act itself. Maybe not both of you, but one of you for sure avoids sex or sex talk. It almost becomes natural.All of this then builds…PressureThe topic of sex becomes the “elephant in the room.” What’s wrong with us? Why don’t we want to have sex? It’s definitely on your mind, even if you’re not talking about it.This all increases the pressure, so if you do have a sexual encounter, there is enormous pressure on it to be “successful.”And if it isn’t, you’re back to disappointment. Round and round…How Do You Break the Cycle?First, adjust your expectations so that there is no disappointment. No matter what happens, there is no “failure.”Then, keep communication open and honest to make sure there is no avoidance of the topic of sex.Finally, the pressure to perform is relieved when you approach every experience as a gift you share with your partner. And realize that nothing specific has to happen, which helps adjust your expectations, so there is no disappointment…And the cycle is broken.Listener QuestionsNew to the show, I respond to a listener’s questions about difficulties in his relationship.Jessa’s book, Sex Without Stress: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FQKTLLN/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the...

A personal story of trauma and awakeningListen to the story of Heather and her traumatic experiences which led to her transformative journey in her own life.She grew up feeling like an outsider with feelings of inadequacy. Hear Heather describe her struggles that initially presented in her young life and how these difficulties led her into risk-taking situations to fit in.An Older BoyfriendListen as Heather describes her encounter of losing her virginity and the other negative influences affecting her life.Developing her perspectiveHeather reflects on her trauma and how this, along with other negative life experiences affected her life towards the end of her high school years.18 years old and RapedListen as Heather discusses the circumstances of her sexual trauma and how she comes to a realization. Time for an awakening, we learn about her awakening and how she came to an awareness for change.Guiding OthersHeather talks about her outreach for similar teens who are exposed to risk-taking situations as she herself experienced.Join in as she emphasizes the importance of turning away from negative experiences and choosing a positive and enriching life.Meeting with a CounselorHear Heather make a surprising realization about her attacker. She was told to keep quiet or he would kill her. But a discovery made with her counselor compelled her to talk with the authorities.Phases of HealingListen to Heather as she describes her phases of healing, including forgiveness. Heather talks about her various recovery regimens and how she searched for a path of physical and emotional healing.Searching for healingYoga for detox and healing. Hear Heather describe how she found Yoga and used it for mental and spiritual healing.A Second TraumaHeather searches for recovery and encounters a predator among an assumed safe place in her yoga world. She also shares an encounter with a well-known Guru and how she narrowly avoided a sexual assault with him.Hawaii – Time for Healing“Don’t get back on that plane. It’s time to Heal.” She did not get back on the plane to the mainland, Heather talks about how some feeling inside her told her to stay and work on her recovery.Tune in as Heather describes her perspective on the mind and body connection in order to develop her own healing.Hearing the Inner VoiceAlign with the truth and hear your inner voice. Listen as Heather describes her process to find one’s own path for positive and transformative change for healing.Moving on – A new relationship?She meets a man from Germany and sets out on an international journey. Hear Heather reflect on how she comes to the realization that this new man was like the man who raped her.Healing JourneyHeather continues her journey throughout her 20s and 30s in Germany and Asia. And she continues to seek relationships and finds positive partners to share her life and stories.Getting the Trauma OutGive it time, it will get better? Listen as the discussion evolves into the perspective of time in the process of healing. Heather explains the process of trauma on a cellular level and despite her exposure to traditional therapy, she discusses the importance of healing the mind, body, and spirit.The release of the trauma has many routes. Hear Heather talk about getting the trauma out of her body. “The Energy has to move out.”Empowering your lifeAvoiding facing the fear? Listen to Heather describe the other side of the path of healing to find happiness and positivity.BackgroundHeather is a passionate student and mentor of love and life. Through her own personal journey,...

A personal story of trauma and awakeningListen to the story of Heather and her traumatic experiences which led to her transformative journey in her own life.She grew up feeling like an outsider with feelings of inadequacy. Hear Heather describe her struggles that initially presented in her young life and how these difficulties led her into risk-taking situations to fit in.An Older BoyfriendListen as Heather describes her encounter of losing her virginity and the other negative influences affecting her life.Developing her perspectiveHeather reflects on her trauma and how this, along with other negative life experiences affected her life towards the end of her high school years.18 years old and RapedListen as Heather discusses the circumstances of her sexual trauma and how she comes to a realization. Time for an awakening, we learn about her awakening and how she came to an awareness for change.Guiding OthersHeather talks about her outreach for similar teens who are exposed to risk-taking situations as she herself experienced.Join in as she emphasizes the importance of turning away from negative experiences and choosing a positive and enriching life.Meeting with a CounselorHear Heather make a surprising realization about her attacker. She was told to keep quiet or he would kill her. But a discovery made with her counselor compelled her to talk with the authorities.Phases of HealingListen to Heather as she describes her phases of healing, including forgiveness. Heather talks about her various recovery regimens and how she searched for a path of physical and emotional healing.Searching for healingYoga for detox and healing. Hear Heather describe how she found Yoga and used it for mental and spiritual healing.A Second TraumaHeather searches for recovery and encounters a predator among an assumed safe place in her yoga world. She also shares an encounter with a well-known Guru and how she narrowly avoided a sexual assault with him.Hawaii – Time for Healing“Don’t get back on that plane. It’s time to Heal.” She did not get back on the plane to the mainland, Heather talks about how some feeling inside her told her to stay and work on her recovery.Tune in as Heather describes her perspective on the mind and body connection in order to develop her own healing.Hearing the Inner VoiceAlign with the truth and hear your inner voice. Listen as Heather describes her process to find one’s own path for positive and transformative change for healing.Moving on – A new relationship?She meets a man from Germany and sets out on an international journey. Hear Heather reflect on how she comes to the realization that this new man was like the man who raped her.Healing JourneyHeather continues her journey throughout her 20s and 30s in Germany and Asia. And she continues to seek relationships and finds positive partners to share her life and stories.Getting the Trauma OutGive it time, it will get better? Listen as the discussion evolves into the perspective of time in the process of healing. Heather explains the process of trauma on a cellular level and despite her exposure to traditional therapy, she discusses the importance of healing the mind, body, and spirit.The release of the trauma has many routes. Hear Heather talk about getting the trauma out of her body. “The Energy has to move out.”Empowering your lifeAvoiding facing the fear? Listen to Heather describe the other side of the path of healing to find happiness and positivity.BackgroundHeather is a passionate student and mentor of love and life. Through her own personal journey,...

Pornography - the good and the badListen to the discussion of the role of Erotica and Pornography in a relationship and the positive and negative impacts.Defining PornographyWhat is the definition of pornography? Listen as Steven succinctly describes pornography and erotica and the overlapping interpretations of arousing materials. Hear the use and role of sex in regularly available cultural artifacts like magazines and videos.Problems discussed in therapyWhat are the issues in relationships and for individuals? Hear Steven identify how males and females present their concerns at the onset of therapy discussions.Comparing and Contrasting Males and FemalesTune in as Steven discusses arousal for males and females. Hear him identify the differences and further the discussion of identifying sexually arousing materials for men and women.Usefulness of PornographyIs there a positive effect of using pornography? Listen as Steven describes the initial visual interactions of males with sex and arousing material. Steven illustrates the point that pornography often fills the role of sexual education for young adolescent males in the absence of other guiding forces.Talking about SexualitySteven emphasizes the importance of identifying false expectations based on pornographic materials and the significance for appropriate communication with adolescents.Accessible PornographyThe significance of shame and the accessibility of pornography are ideas that drive some individuals to use porn. Join in to hear Steven describe how the easy accessibility of pornography helps people avoid interactions and an associated shame of sex.Identifying Problematic Situations“What is the negative impact in your life as a result of this?” We learn about the personal and professional scenarios where pornography has impacted his clients. Listen as he talks about the need for being specific to examine the impact of pornography on a person’s life.Me TimeHear Steven talk about how men describe the use of pornography as “me time”. He highlights this issue to springboard into the topic of the purpose of porn for his clients and then how this affects a partner’s perspective in the relationship.Improving Communication in a RelationshipSteven emphasizes how starting the discussion about pornography in a relationship helps improve communication and can help open the conversation about sexual preferences and interests between partners.Changing BehaviorHow do you initiate the change for personal improvement? We learn about the beginning for any personal change. He identifies lifestyle changes that are necessary to move forward.“If you’re on a diet, do not go into the ice cream parlor to see what flavors they’re serving.” Listen as Steven describes how changes in circumstance are necessary for real changes to occur in one’s lifestyle and interactions with pornography.Cutting BackHow about cutting back on pornography use? Steven discusses the ability or lack thereof to balance pornography use and cutting back.Focusing on the IndividualHear as Steven discusses how much the average male uses pornography and find out about one of the major reasons people seek his help.About Steven DavidsonDr. Steven Davidson is a clinical sexologist in private practice, licensed in Tennessee and Florida. He has a master’s degree in social work and a Ph.D. in clinical sexology. He is certified as a sex therapist by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He has more than 30 years’ experience helping individuals and couples achieve more fulfilling sexual relationships and embrace their authentic sexual self.Links and How to contact Dr. Steven Davidson

Pornography - the good and the badListen to the discussion of the role of Erotica and Pornography in a relationship and the positive and negative impacts.Defining PornographyWhat is the definition of pornography? Listen as Steven succinctly describes pornography and erotica and the overlapping interpretations of arousing materials. Hear the use and role of sex in regularly available cultural artifacts like magazines and videos.Problems discussed in therapyWhat are the issues in relationships and for individuals? Hear Steven identify how males and females present their concerns at the onset of therapy discussions.Comparing and Contrasting Males and FemalesTune in as Steven discusses arousal for males and females. Hear him identify the differences and further the discussion of identifying sexually arousing materials for men and women.Usefulness of PornographyIs there a positive effect of using pornography? Listen as Steven describes the initial visual interactions of males with sex and arousing material. Steven illustrates the point that pornography often fills the role of sexual education for young adolescent males in the absence of other guiding forces.Talking about SexualitySteven emphasizes the importance of identifying false expectations based on pornographic materials and the significance for appropriate communication with adolescents.Accessible PornographyThe significance of shame and the accessibility of pornography are ideas that drive some individuals to use porn. Join in to hear Steven describe how the easy accessibility of pornography helps people avoid interactions and an associated shame of sex.Identifying Problematic Situations“What is the negative impact in your life as a result of this?” We learn about the personal and professional scenarios where pornography has impacted his clients. Listen as he talks about the need for being specific to examine the impact of pornography on a person’s life.Me TimeHear Steven talk about how men describe the use of pornography as “me time”. He highlights this issue to springboard into the topic of the purpose of porn for his clients and then how this affects a partner’s perspective in the relationship.Improving Communication in a RelationshipSteven emphasizes how starting the discussion about pornography in a relationship helps improve communication and can help open the conversation about sexual preferences and interests between partners.Changing BehaviorHow do you initiate the change for personal improvement? We learn about the beginning for any personal change. He identifies lifestyle changes that are necessary to move forward.“If you’re on a diet, do not go into the ice cream parlor to see what flavors they’re serving.” Listen as Steven describes how changes in circumstance are necessary for real changes to occur in one’s lifestyle and interactions with pornography.Cutting BackHow about cutting back on pornography use? Steven discusses the ability or lack thereof to balance pornography use and cutting back.Focusing on the IndividualHear as Steven discusses how much the average male uses pornography and find out about one of the major reasons people seek his help.About Steven DavidsonDr. Steven Davidson is a clinical sexologist in private practice, licensed in Tennessee and Florida. He has a master’s degree in social work and a Ph.D. in clinical sexology. He is certified as a sex therapist by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. He has more than 30 years’ experience helping individuals and couples achieve more fulfilling sexual relationships and embrace their authentic sexual self.Links and How to contact Dr. Steven Davidson