Better Sex

As I was putting the podcast together, I put out a little survey to my subscribers asking what kinds of topics people wanted me to cover. While it is not the most frequent presenting concern in my practice, the most frequent request I got in terms of what to talk about on the show was menopause.I see people in my practice who are dealing with menopause when it is problematic in some way. People report reduced libido, and they talk about changes in their ability to get aroused or be orgasmic. People are sometimes having changes that result in discomfort or pain with sex, so they want to talk about what's happening and to strategize about what kind of things can be improved. We also talk about what kinds of things they may have to change and how to collaborate with their partner to create a really fulfilling sex life over time.My guest on this episode is going to talk about how people experience the changes of menopause in varying degrees. While most women will experience some of these changes, some people are more bothered by the changes than others. We cover what the symptoms are, subtle for some and intense for others. We explain what's happening in your body, what some of the treatment options are, and what you need to keep in mind as you're working with a medical provider in choosing a treatment.We also talk about how important it can be to step up your self-care and overall health as you approach menopause if you haven't done it already.Dr. Stephanie Ring is a gynecologist and an Integrative Medicine practitioner who specializes in sexual health, hormone replacement, and chronic pelvic pain.Her practice, Greater Denver Integrative Gynecology is located in Wheat Ridge, Colorado and she's also a fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. She's also earning a certificate as a sexuality counselor through the University of Michigan so I'm delighted that she's here to answer my questions, and yours, about menopause.Links:Website - http://greaterdenverintegrativegynecology.com/NAMS (North American Menopause Society) - http://www.menopause.org/International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health - http://www.isswsh.org/AASECT - https://www.aasect.org/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

As I was putting the podcast together, I put out a little survey to my subscribers asking what kinds of topics people wanted me to cover. While it is not the most frequent presenting concern in my practice, the most frequent request I got in terms of what to talk about on the show was menopause.I see people in my practice who are dealing with menopause when it is problematic in some way. People report reduced libido, and they talk about changes in their ability to get aroused or be orgasmic. People are sometimes having changes that result in discomfort or pain with sex, so they want to talk about what's happening and to strategize about what kind of things can be improved. We also talk about what kinds of things they may have to change and how to collaborate with their partner to create a really fulfilling sex life over time.My guest on this episode is going to talk about how people experience the changes of menopause in varying degrees. While most women will experience some of these changes, some people are more bothered by the changes than others. We cover what the symptoms are, subtle for some and intense for others. We explain what's happening in your body, what some of the treatment options are, and what you need to keep in mind as you're working with a medical provider in choosing a treatment.We also talk about how important it can be to step up your self-care and overall health as you approach menopause if you haven't done it already.Dr. Stephanie Ring is a gynecologist and an Integrative Medicine practitioner who specializes in sexual health, hormone replacement, and chronic pelvic pain.Her practice, Greater Denver Integrative Gynecology is located in Wheat Ridge, Colorado and she's also a fellow of the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. She's also earning a certificate as a sexuality counselor through the University of Michigan so I'm delighted that she's here to answer my questions, and yours, about menopause.Links:Website - http://greaterdenverintegrativegynecology.com/NAMS (North American Menopause Society) - http://www.menopause.org/International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health - http://www.isswsh.org/AASECT - https://www.aasect.org/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

So why is today's show about sex therapy? Well, because I'm a certified sex therapist and I know that a lot of people listening don't know what that means. There is confusion about what sex therapy is and what a sex therapist does.And there's confusion or lack of knowledge about what it takes to become certified as a sex therapist. As you're going to hear in the interview today, calling yourself a sex therapist is not a controlled term except in the state of Florida. So anybody can say they're a sex therapist. However, there's a huge difference between the people with the training, experience, and knowledge who've gotten certified as a sex therapist and everyone else who calls themselves a sex therapist. With them. you have no idea what kind of training, education, or experience that they've had.So in this episode, I address the questions: What is sex therapy? What does it take to become certified and why does it matter?I think I've got the perfect guest today to talk about this, Sallie Foley is a sex therapist and a sexuality educator.We talk candidly about what sex therapy is, and isn't. Sallie and I also discuss many of the issues and challenges couples may have where a therapist may be able to help and what treatment may look like.We also give you, the listener, some guidance and when you might need a sex therapist and where you can find a highly qualified and certified provider.Sallie's the director of the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program and the former director of the University of Michigan Center for Sexual Health. She's also served as the Chair of Certification for the AASECT Organization, the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists.She's got a private practice in Ann Arbor Michigan and she has written chapters and articles about the treatment of sexual difficulties and co-authored Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self.Her book, Modern Love: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion was based on her column “Modern Love” in the nationally circulated AARP the Magazine.Links:Website - http://www.salliefoley.com/Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/sexmattersforwomenTwitter - https://twitter.com/SallieFoleyMSWAASECT - https://www.aasect.org/University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program - https://ssw.umich.edu/offices/continuing-education/certificate-courses/sexual-healthMore info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

So why is today's show about sex therapy? Well, because I'm a certified sex therapist and I know that a lot of people listening don't know what that means. There is confusion about what sex therapy is and what a sex therapist does.And there's confusion or lack of knowledge about what it takes to become certified as a sex therapist. As you're going to hear in the interview today, calling yourself a sex therapist is not a controlled term except in the state of Florida. So anybody can say they're a sex therapist. However, there's a huge difference between the people with the training, experience, and knowledge who've gotten certified as a sex therapist and everyone else who calls themselves a sex therapist. With them. you have no idea what kind of training, education, or experience that they've had.So in this episode, I address the questions: What is sex therapy? What does it take to become certified and why does it matter?I think I've got the perfect guest today to talk about this, Sallie Foley is a sex therapist and a sexuality educator.We talk candidly about what sex therapy is, and isn't. Sallie and I also discuss many of the issues and challenges couples may have where a therapist may be able to help and what treatment may look like.We also give you, the listener, some guidance and when you might need a sex therapist and where you can find a highly qualified and certified provider.Sallie's the director of the University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program and the former director of the University of Michigan Center for Sexual Health. She's also served as the Chair of Certification for the AASECT Organization, the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors and Therapists.She's got a private practice in Ann Arbor Michigan and she has written chapters and articles about the treatment of sexual difficulties and co-authored Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual Self.Her book, Modern Love: A No-Nonsense Guide to a Life of Passion was based on her column “Modern Love” in the nationally circulated AARP the Magazine.Links:Website - http://www.salliefoley.com/Facebook - http://www.facebook.com/sexmattersforwomenTwitter - https://twitter.com/SallieFoleyMSWAASECT - https://www.aasect.org/University of Michigan Sexual Health Certificate Program - https://ssw.umich.edu/offices/continuing-education/certificate-courses/sexual-healthMore info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcastBetter Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

It can be extremely hard to get out of your own head. People get distracted by their to-do list, by stresses of life, what they must do for work. They're distracted by concerns that are keeping them up at 4:00 in the morning. A lot of people, even if they aren't distracted, are so used to thinking and analyzing, it's called being up in your head instead of in your body.And the ability to drop into your body and be present and feel what you're feeling and be in the moment it's important. And it's certainly important in sex and in connecting with a partner.There are practices like mindfulness, which is popular, learning to meditate, learning to get into your body, learning to let go of thoughts. Those are powerful. But another thing along those lines is Tantric practice.Most of us think about Tantra as some sort of mysterious sexual training or activity but it's really about getting out of your mind and into your body and into the moment and connecting intimately with yourself and with other people.Tantric practitioner and teacher Matthias Rose has a wealth of knowledge and experience and a passion for sharing this with people. He and his wife Pandora Rose sort of discovered Tantra on their own. They kind of tripped into it having sort of mystical experiences with each other and their own sexual relationship. And from there it opened their eyes to "where is this coming from, how do we learn more about this?"He went on to learn a lot about Tantra and get more formal training in it. He's based in Seattle and he offers events and workshops. He's got a community space and he does private coaching and healing sessions with people and he agreed to be on the show today.During this delightful conversation, we talk about the history of Tantra and clear up some common misconceptions surrounding its association with sex and yoga. Matthias informs us what to look for in a Tantric Healer and Practitioner. We also cover some easy exercises you can use to begin to incorporate the healing power of Tantra in your life today and so much more.Matthias believes Tantra can bring rapid transformation to sexual intimacy, emotional connection, and any major stumbling blocks in life.More information:http://matthias-rose.com/http://moksha-tantra.orgSome useful articles:How to find a Tantric Healer: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/how-to-find-a-tantric-healer-8b2dd2b29c1aTantric Bill of Rights: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/a-tantric-bill-of-rights-f0af021b1c1eThe Heart of Tantra: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-heart-of-tantra-2fbfca187e45The Origins of Tantra: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-origins-of-tantra-acc4334638e9More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast

It can be extremely hard to get out of your own head. People get distracted by their to-do list, by stresses of life, what they must do for work. They're distracted by concerns that are keeping them up at 4:00 in the morning. A lot of people, even if they aren't distracted, are so used to thinking and analyzing, it's called being up in your head instead of in your body.And the ability to drop into your body and be present and feel what you're feeling and be in the moment it's important. And it's certainly important in sex and in connecting with a partner.There are practices like mindfulness, which is popular, learning to meditate, learning to get into your body, learning to let go of thoughts. Those are powerful. But another thing along those lines is Tantric practice.Most of us think about Tantra as some sort of mysterious sexual training or activity but it's really about getting out of your mind and into your body and into the moment and connecting intimately with yourself and with other people.Tantric practitioner and teacher Matthias Rose has a wealth of knowledge and experience and a passion for sharing this with people. He and his wife Pandora Rose sort of discovered Tantra on their own. They kind of tripped into it having sort of mystical experiences with each other and their own sexual relationship. And from there it opened their eyes to "where is this coming from, how do we learn more about this?"He went on to learn a lot about Tantra and get more formal training in it. He's based in Seattle and he offers events and workshops. He's got a community space and he does private coaching and healing sessions with people and he agreed to be on the show today.During this delightful conversation, we talk about the history of Tantra and clear up some common misconceptions surrounding its association with sex and yoga. Matthias informs us what to look for in a Tantric Healer and Practitioner. We also cover some easy exercises you can use to begin to incorporate the healing power of Tantra in your life today and so much more.Matthias believes Tantra can bring rapid transformation to sexual intimacy, emotional connection, and any major stumbling blocks in life.More information:http://matthias-rose.com/http://moksha-tantra.orgSome useful articles:How to find a Tantric Healer: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/how-to-find-a-tantric-healer-8b2dd2b29c1aTantric Bill of Rights: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/a-tantric-bill-of-rights-f0af021b1c1eThe Heart of Tantra: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-heart-of-tantra-2fbfca187e45The Origins of Tantra: https://medium.com/@matthiasrose/the-origins-of-tantra-acc4334638e9More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/If you’re enjoying the podcast and want to be a part of making sure it continues in the future, consider being a patron. With a small monthly pledge, you can support the costs of putting this show together. For as little as $2 per month, you can get advance access to each episode. For just a bit more, you will receive an advance copy of a chapter of my new book. And for $10 per month, you get all that plus an invitation to an online Q&A chat with me once a quarter. Learn more at https://www.patreon.com/bettersexpodcast

What are we talking about? Men who have sex with men, have done it in the past or who are interested in it, but still identify as straight or mostly straight. However, their behavior or their interest makes their partner wonder about their sexuality.Sometimes someone will wonder if their husband is gay because they have no interest in sex with them. Or they don't show a strong libido or a high sex drive.Or, maybe their partner has had sex with men, either recently or in the distant past or maybe they've got an interest in them. And it really makes them wonder, "Is my husband gay?" Seems like a reasonable question.But the truth is that sexuality is on a continuum. There's fluidity in our lives and our behavior is different than our identity. So you can't say just because somebody has done something that it defines who they are. You have a stable sexual orientation throughout your lifetime, but you may have romantic or sexual episodes long your path with someone outside of your sexual identity.Sometimes these can be frightening and confusing. Especially since as children and adolescents, we are only given permission to know that there is heterosexuality. People who discover a different sexual identity usually are much older.Dr. Kort describes his four questions that can help lead you to discover your own, personal sexual identity.He also explains what may be happening with these incidents and experiences, and how this can be an opportunity to have a conversation you might not ever have.Dr. Joe Kort is a licensed sex and relationship therapist. He specializes in sex therapy, LGBTQ issues, and Imago Relationship Therapy.He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: Revised and Updated, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men.A regular blogger for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post, he’s on the teaching faculty of the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certificate Program. Dr. Kort is also in partnership with Modern Sex Therapy Institute offering an LGBTQIA Affirmative Certification for helping professionals working with this population.Dr. Joe Kort: http://www.joekort.comBook - Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: https://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Gay-Straight-Concerned/dp/1442223251/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

What are we talking about? Men who have sex with men, have done it in the past or who are interested in it, but still identify as straight or mostly straight. However, their behavior or their interest makes their partner wonder about their sexuality.Sometimes someone will wonder if their husband is gay because they have no interest in sex with them. Or they don't show a strong libido or a high sex drive.Or, maybe their partner has had sex with men, either recently or in the distant past or maybe they've got an interest in them. And it really makes them wonder, "Is my husband gay?" Seems like a reasonable question.But the truth is that sexuality is on a continuum. There's fluidity in our lives and our behavior is different than our identity. So you can't say just because somebody has done something that it defines who they are. You have a stable sexual orientation throughout your lifetime, but you may have romantic or sexual episodes long your path with someone outside of your sexual identity.Sometimes these can be frightening and confusing. Especially since as children and adolescents, we are only given permission to know that there is heterosexuality. People who discover a different sexual identity usually are much older.Dr. Kort describes his four questions that can help lead you to discover your own, personal sexual identity.He also explains what may be happening with these incidents and experiences, and how this can be an opportunity to have a conversation you might not ever have.Dr. Joe Kort is a licensed sex and relationship therapist. He specializes in sex therapy, LGBTQ issues, and Imago Relationship Therapy.He is the author of four books: 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Improve Their Lives: Revised and Updated, 10 Smart Things Gay Men Can Do To Find Real Love, LGBTQ Clients in Therapy: Clinical Issues and Treatment Strategies, and Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: A Guide for Women Concerned about Their Men.A regular blogger for Psychology Today and The Huffington Post, he’s on the teaching faculty of the University of Michigan’s Sexual Health Certificate Program. Dr. Kort is also in partnership with Modern Sex Therapy Institute offering an LGBTQIA Affirmative Certification for helping professionals working with this population.Dr. Joe Kort: http://www.joekort.comBook - Is My Husband Gay, Straight, or Bi?: https://www.amazon.com/My-Husband-Gay-Straight-Concerned/dp/1442223251/More info:Web - https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Shame. We're not born with it but it is given to us at a very early age. And we unwittingly pass it along to others.Shame is an emotional response which is completely natural, and you should never feel there is something the matter with you for which you should be ashamed. Our natural response to shame is to close in, to try and hide as we attempt to minimize our exposure to something shameful.Shame has also evolved into a tool we use to keep each other safe and to make it clear what the rules of engagement are. However, our attachment and bond with another can be ruptured in these instances, leaving the feeling of shame.It's important to repair this disruption and restore the bond as best as we can, or permanent damage can occur.Difficult to see at times because of its very nature to be hidden, shame can be pushed into a pattern which can be very difficult to interrupt.How do we reduce this shame amplification? How do we heal? And what does Parke mean when he speaks of "Healthy Guilt?"Listen to this powerful session and learn how you can begin to work through your shame and recognize when you are using it as an emotional tool, in and out of your sex life.Parke Burgess is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and psychotherapist in private practice in Tacoma and Seattle, Washington, working with couples and individual adults. In addition to a Masters of Psychology, Parke holds a doctorate in music from the University of Washington and a Bachelors degree from Yale University.He has written a book on the problem of violence and presented extensively to mental health and education professionals on the nature and treatment of shame.Parke Burgess - http://www.parkeburgess.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/3Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Shame. We're not born with it but it is given to us at a very early age. And we unwittingly pass it along to others.Shame is an emotional response which is completely natural, and you should never feel there is something the matter with you for which you should be ashamed. Our natural response to shame is to close in, to try and hide as we attempt to minimize our exposure to something shameful.Shame has also evolved into a tool we use to keep each other safe and to make it clear what the rules of engagement are. However, our attachment and bond with another can be ruptured in these instances, leaving the feeling of shame.It's important to repair this disruption and restore the bond as best as we can, or permanent damage can occur.Difficult to see at times because of its very nature to be hidden, shame can be pushed into a pattern which can be very difficult to interrupt.How do we reduce this shame amplification? How do we heal? And what does Parke mean when he speaks of "Healthy Guilt?"Listen to this powerful session and learn how you can begin to work through your shame and recognize when you are using it as an emotional tool, in and out of your sex life.Parke Burgess is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and psychotherapist in private practice in Tacoma and Seattle, Washington, working with couples and individual adults. In addition to a Masters of Psychology, Parke holds a doctorate in music from the University of Washington and a Bachelors degree from Yale University.He has written a book on the problem of violence and presented extensively to mental health and education professionals on the nature and treatment of shame.Parke Burgess - http://www.parkeburgess.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/3Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

During this important conversation about grief and how it impacts our lives, especially within the context of our sex lives, Jessa and guest Edy Nathan help us to recognize that sexual changes throughout life are not always looked at as moments of grief. But, they certainly are and even if they seem small, they can add up to bigger, more powerful moments.Edy also helps us to understand the phases of grief. And, to see what may have shifted or changed in our lives which could have a dramatic impact on our feelings towards sex.Listen and learn about these phases and what you can do to move through the grief to find new ways to feel alive while learning more about yourself.Edy Nathan is a licensed clinical social work and AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in grief, trauma, and sexuality. She interweaves her formal training as a psychotherapist with alternative ways to tap into the self and truth.Within the context of sexuality, trauma, abuse, and death, she believes that everyone experiences grief throughout their lives. She believes that you cannot talk your way out of the process of grief, loss or trauma – you need to find a way into the self to get relief.Edy Nathan - http://edynathan.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/2Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

During this important conversation about grief and how it impacts our lives, especially within the context of our sex lives, Jessa and guest Edy Nathan help us to recognize that sexual changes throughout life are not always looked at as moments of grief. But, they certainly are and even if they seem small, they can add up to bigger, more powerful moments.Edy also helps us to understand the phases of grief. And, to see what may have shifted or changed in our lives which could have a dramatic impact on our feelings towards sex.Listen and learn about these phases and what you can do to move through the grief to find new ways to feel alive while learning more about yourself.Edy Nathan is a licensed clinical social work and AASECT certified sex therapist specializing in grief, trauma, and sexuality. She interweaves her formal training as a psychotherapist with alternative ways to tap into the self and truth.Within the context of sexuality, trauma, abuse, and death, she believes that everyone experiences grief throughout their lives. She believes that you cannot talk your way out of the process of grief, loss or trauma – you need to find a way into the self to get relief.Edy Nathan - http://edynathan.com/More info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/2Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

It's all over the news these days and sexual consent is important everywhere, even in a committed relationship.There are no "givens" and consent is required, no matter the situation. Especially if you change something within the relationship. Consent is basically a temporary license which must be renewed, you cannot take anything for granted.It is often quite hard to say "No!" Misunderstandings and miscommunications revolving around sexual consent, expectations, and even entitlement can lead to resentment or consent incidents.Even though the damage may not be intentional, the person who has violated the consent of another, despite differing perceptions, is still responsible for the damage.What do we do when a consent incident happens? Listen to this episode where Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sar Surmick to reveal some tools and strategies to navigate the tricky waters of Consent.The question is not just, "Has consent been given?"It can also be, "Has consent been asked for?"Sar Surmick is the director of the Consent Academy and a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in identity work and couples therapy. With offices in Redmond and Seattle, Sar works with a wide variety of clients specializing in Non-Monogamy, Sex & Gender concerns, Trans* Clients, and BDSM/Kink. Sar teaches as a sex-positive educator focusing on Communication, Identity, and Consent.Sar Surmick - http://significantconnections.comConsent Academy - http://consent.academy.comMore info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/1Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

It's all over the news these days and sexual consent is important everywhere, even in a committed relationship.There are no "givens" and consent is required, no matter the situation. Especially if you change something within the relationship. Consent is basically a temporary license which must be renewed, you cannot take anything for granted.It is often quite hard to say "No!" Misunderstandings and miscommunications revolving around sexual consent, expectations, and even entitlement can lead to resentment or consent incidents.Even though the damage may not be intentional, the person who has violated the consent of another, despite differing perceptions, is still responsible for the damage.What do we do when a consent incident happens? Listen to this episode where Jessa Zimmerman interviews Sar Surmick to reveal some tools and strategies to navigate the tricky waters of Consent.The question is not just, "Has consent been given?"It can also be, "Has consent been asked for?"Sar Surmick is the director of the Consent Academy and a Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in identity work and couples therapy. With offices in Redmond and Seattle, Sar works with a wide variety of clients specializing in Non-Monogamy, Sex & Gender concerns, Trans* Clients, and BDSM/Kink. Sar teaches as a sex-positive educator focusing on Communication, Identity, and Consent.Sar Surmick - http://significantconnections.comConsent Academy - http://consent.academy.comMore info:Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/1Sex Health Quiz - http://sexhealthquiz.com/Better Sex with Jessa Zimmermanhttps://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Welcome to the very first episode of Better Sex. I'm so glad you're here. The format of the show in the future is going to be largely interview-based, where I'm going to be talking to people with various areas of specialty and expertise that have some bearing on improving your sex life.But first, I want to give you a little chance to know who I am and why I'm doing this. I am a couples counselor and a sex therapist. I'm in private practice in Seattle, at the point of this recording, for about seven and a half years.But, I have people ask me a lot why I decided to become a sex therapist. It is a relatively rare specialty and certification and it started really when I was in graduate school. I was getting my master's degree in order to be a therapist. And early on in the program, we had a presentation by a sex therapist and she referred to her work as mostly grief and loss work.And that just hit me in the gut. I knew in that moment I wanted to be a sex therapist. There was something about resonating or empathizing with the suffering that people feel if their sex life isn't working. Right there in that moment, I knew that's what I wanted to do. I had to finish graduate school, get my master's degree and to finish all the requirements to become licensed as a therapist. So I went through the extensive training required to certify someone as a sex therapist. And I also got a lot of training in couples therapy approaches and from the very beginning of my practice, I have worked almost exclusively with couples.Most people that I see in my practice are struggling with sex even though their bodies are just fine. So nothing is physically wrong but they're having big problems. I see people struggling with desire discrepancy, where one person wants sex more than the other person.I see people fighting about sex. I see people certainly that don't know how to talk about it at all. And I certainly see people that don't have the information that they need to create a good sex life or to feel good about it. So as I meet with dozens of couples each week, I see patterns. I see where people get stuck.I see how a lack of information is going to completely handicap people. If you don't understand how sex works or what's going on, you don't know how to get solutions. I see how unrealistic expectations are killing people's ability to enjoy sex. There is so much misinformation out there. People have these ideas about what sex should be or what performing would look like or whatever it is and that's so in people's way.And I certainly see people not knowing how to talk about sex or the problems that they're having with their partner. Whether they're avoiding the topic completely or whether they end up in fights, they just don't know how to have the conversations they need to have to make it better.So that is really why I've started this podcast. I want to bring you the information you need to make the best possible sex life.So every episode is going to address something different and the topics may not be relevant to you right now, but hopefully, they will add up to a vast wealth of knowledge that will help if you need it at some point in the future.I also want to make it clear that I am inclusive. So I affirm every sexual orientation, gender identity, relationship structure, and consensual sexual behavior that there is. I'm what's called a sex-positive therapist. That really matters to me and I hope you can find that reflected in every episode. And with my guests as well.I'm really excited about this. I hope you're going to join me on this journey. And I wish you a lifetime of satisfying and pleasurable sex.Web – http://bettersexpodcast.com/000Web – http://jessazimmerman.comFacebook...