Better Sex

My guest is Mark Schoen. He is a prolific sex-education filmmaker--he has made over 50 of them!--and still very productive and skilled at his important work in the industry. As his focus attests, educating the general public about sexual topics is always necessary. We can never have enough sexual education throughout the world, so what Mark does is extremely important for making the world a better, more fulfilling, and more demystified place when we talk about sexuality and the whole spectrum of the subject. And although he originally thought he was going to be a hockey player, luckily for the world he realized his full potential in the sexual education sphere.He is the founder and organizer of SexSmartFilms and has been making sexual health films since 1974. In addition to the numerous awards he has won for his work, he is an AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator and an award-winning author. And this is just the tip of the iceberg! For an enlightening talk on his fascinating life, you would be hard pressed to find a better exemplar of how sexual education should be done. Great stuff!How Mark got his Start as a Sexual EducatorAs Mark states, his first encounter with the discipline was as a health educator. Soon it became required for him to teach a group of 12 and13-year-olds the nature of sexually transmitted diseases. But to his chagrin, the curriculum was presenting sexuality through the lens of disease instead of a more positive light. Alarmed by this frame of reference for the subject, Mark decided to appeal for a full class on sexuality that would frame sexuality in a much more positive light. In addition, the class would also be a thorough analysis of the subject and not a quick gloss over the mandatory details. Mark says much more on the topic near the beginning of the interview.Bellybuttons Are NavelsAs Mark’s career started taking off, in the pre-internet 70’s mind you, he started getting much more involved in the sexual health realm. Eventually, he wrote a very important children's book called Bellybuttons Are Navels, which explored the anatomical differences between a boy and a girl. A pretty radical concept considering that sexual education when Mark had just gotten started was basically anatomy 101 and didn’t explore the nuances and complexity of sexual development, function, and the psychological aspects of sex. Regardless, Bellybuttons Are Navels was published in 1990 and became the first children’s book to use the word clitoris. For more on this part of Mark’s career listen along to the episode!His Recent FilmsAs Mark recounts, he was blown away by the reception and praise for his 2012 film Trans. And during the talk, he shares a completely heartwarming story of a parent of a transgender child and just how much the film changed her perspective on transsexuality. Mark also shares a scary statistic on the suicide rate of the transgender population, so films like Trans serve an extremely important function that can bridge the gap on loneliness in the community and increase understanding for the ready assimilation and integration of the trans-community. With more work like Mark’s, there will be less transgender people on the fringe, and more in the center. Really impactful stuff here!The Challenges of Films Becoming OutdatedSexSmartFilms, Mark’s website, and enterprise is a repository of sexual education films and resources that are online and can be accessed like the Netflix of sexual health. But the problem with making movies in-house and really just filmmaking, in general, is that hairstyles go out of style, clothes go out of trend, and of course, even the camera quality and look of the entire film can quickly look obsolete. This becomes distracting for some people and can even detract from the overall trust that one places in the information presented. Who's to say that the information isn’t as outdated as the clothing...

My guest for this episode is Carolina Vee. She has an extremely important story to tell and we are so privileged to have her on the show.As a victim of sexual abuse, it took a long time for Carolina to untangle the knotted aspects of her life. She sought healing, self-forgiveness, absolution from self-directed blame, happiness, meaning, purpose, and eventually, through her inner strength, managed to come out of the other side of her difficult life very much still intact (and flourishing!).Now, she has found a healthy, functioning, beautiful relationship. Her journey has been full of tribulations and hardships, but through resolve and time, she has transformed into a version of herself that she can love. Always struggling to find love in herself, she has now found it.And that’s the most important aspect of her story; that through all of it, she now understands that it was never her fault. There was never any reason to blame or hate herself. With knowledge and understanding comes liberation and a separation of the self from past events.But instead of burying her past or completely severing any connective ties, she has chosen instead to share her story across multiple platforms. She talks about her personal story on her podcast, ‘The Way I C It’, and she regularly talks to others, in order to help. Listen along and get inspired by the strength and emotional resiliency of Carolina Vee.The BeginningCarolina starts off her story in a devastating fashion: her sexual abuse started with her grandfather. This all happened between the ages of 8-14. And it wasn’t until a few years into the abuse that her mother found out. Carolina, being just a little girl, didn’t know how to articulate the trauma. Her mother took her own father to court (Carolina’s grandfather) for the abuse. But the abuse would continue.Moved Out at SixteenAfter taking her Grandpa to court, she was abused by three other family members. And at this point, one of the most tragic parts of her story is told: because she hadn’t known her grandfather was convicted of the abuse, and because no one had told her, she took the lack of legal reinforcement as a sign that nothing had happened. And this, in turn, meant that she stopped trying to report the three other instances she was abused by family members. In her mind, she didn’t see the point. By the time she had turned 16, she had moved out. Really, really powerful stuff. Listen along to hear it told in Carolina’s own words.Survival Through DisconnectionAt first, Carolina survived by disconnecting from her trauma. She then realized that we all can’t choose the cards we are dealt; but, we can choose how to play those cards. Yes, there were many aspects of her life that she wasn’t ready to deal with, and which she disconnected from unconsciously, but for the most part, she worked hard full time and school and work. She stayed out of trouble and escaped through the grind of hard work. Eventually, though, she ran into more obstacles.Locked InAfter suffering more non-consensual sex, this time at the hand of her high school boyfriend, she realized she needed to escape that situation. She was working way too hard and not getting any sort of support. Her boyfriend eventually ended up locking her in her apartment. When she had a brief opportunity to make a run for it, she did. Hear her tell the story, by tuning in.Turning Point!By the age of 23, she had reached a turning point. After having burnt herself out from partying and the constant need for companionship, she settled down for a year. She didn’t date anyone and basically kept to herself. All of the professed promiscuity and partying was necessary: she got it all out of her system and eventually needed to distance herself from that. And it was during this time that she arrived at a turning point in her development as a person. She had talked...

My guest for this episode is Carolina Vee. She has an extremely important story to tell and we are so privileged to have her on the show.As a victim of sexual abuse, it took a long time for Carolina to untangle the knotted aspects of her life. She sought healing, self-forgiveness, absolution from self-directed blame, happiness, meaning, purpose, and eventually, through her inner strength, managed to come out of the other side of her difficult life very much still intact (and flourishing!).Now, she has found a healthy, functioning, beautiful relationship. Her journey has been full of tribulations and hardships, but through resolve and time, she has transformed into a version of herself that she can love. Always struggling to find love in herself, she has now found it.And that’s the most important aspect of her story; that through all of it, she now understands that it was never her fault. There was never any reason to blame or hate herself. With knowledge and understanding comes liberation and a separation of the self from past events.But instead of burying her past or completely severing any connective ties, she has chosen instead to share her story across multiple platforms. She talks about her personal story on her podcast, ‘The Way I C It’, and she regularly talks to others, in order to help. Listen along and get inspired by the strength and emotional resiliency of Carolina Vee.The BeginningCarolina starts off her story in a devastating fashion: her sexual abuse started with her grandfather. This all happened between the ages of 8-14. And it wasn’t until a few years into the abuse that her mother found out. Carolina, being just a little girl, didn’t know how to articulate the trauma. Her mother took her own father to court (Carolina’s grandfather) for the abuse. But the abuse would continue.Moved Out at SixteenAfter taking her Grandpa to court, she was abused by three other family members. And at this point, one of the most tragic parts of her story is told: because she hadn’t known her grandfather was convicted of the abuse, and because no one had told her, she took the lack of legal reinforcement as a sign that nothing had happened. And this, in turn, meant that she stopped trying to report the three other instances she was abused by family members. In her mind, she didn’t see the point. By the time she had turned 16, she had moved out. Really, really powerful stuff. Listen along to hear it told in Carolina’s own words.Survival Through DisconnectionAt first, Carolina survived by disconnecting from her trauma. She then realized that we all can’t choose the cards we are dealt; but, we can choose how to play those cards. Yes, there were many aspects of her life that she wasn’t ready to deal with, and which she disconnected from unconsciously, but for the most part, she worked hard full time and school and work. She stayed out of trouble and escaped through the grind of hard work. Eventually, though, she ran into more obstacles.Locked InAfter suffering more non-consensual sex, this time at the hand of her high school boyfriend, she realized she needed to escape that situation. She was working way too hard and not getting any sort of support. Her boyfriend eventually ended up locking her in her apartment. When she had a brief opportunity to make a run for it, she did. Hear her tell the story, by tuning in.Turning Point!By the age of 23, she had reached a turning point. After having burnt herself out from partying and the constant need for companionship, she settled down for a year. She didn’t date anyone and basically kept to herself. All of the professed promiscuity and partying was necessary: she got it all out of her system and eventually needed to distance herself from that. And it was during this time that she arrived at a turning point in her development as a person. She had talked...

My guest Steph has been writing about sexuality for more than fifteen years. She generally writes about sex education, rape culture, and perceptions regarding female sexuality. Her book A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality is an autobiography about the sexual abuse she was victim to, but it also encompasses a lot of the areas that she currently writes about in a journalistic sense.Stumbling upon the discipline by accident, she first started writing about sex during a college internship. This was shortly after Steph came out of both a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Using her recent experience and sensing an opportunity for a form of ‘shock therapy’ as she puts it during the episode, Steph learned how to reclaim her sexuality through her sex writing.This episode chronicles a marvelous woman with a remarkable story; listen along!After the RelationshipSteph had trouble feeling comfortable with sex after her abusive relationship. Because of the things she was subjected to, the belittlement she faced, her whole outlook on herself and sex, in general, was distorted. Steph didn’t even feel like she could engage in sex in a way that was pleasurable to her.After she picked up an internship after college and was assigned to write about sex, the exposure to sexuality was very beneficial to her overall perception about it.Listen to Steph talk about it during the interview!The Book: Her Big ‘Me Too’ StoryAfter gaining the experience and knowledge as a writer in the industry, Steph realized the healing power and clarity that comes from a healthy relationship with sex. She knew she wanted to write a book that people could relate to and be helped by. Steph wanted the book to be a way of broaching the subject of sex for people who were uncomfortable talking about it--it would be something to connect to despite the raging storm of discomfort inside.The Most Pressing Issues for Sexuality in SocietyWhen asked about some of the sexual ails of modern society, Steph starts with sexual education. She is wanting to press for earlier education in school. That means that Sex Ed is taught in earlier grades and that parents are also more involved in framing the important aspects of sex before they are sexually active.In addition, Steph also mentions what she considers to be the crux of the issue during the episode. Check it out!Her Largest FearHer husband knew, her good friends knew the extent of her abusive relationship, but she completely afraid of the moment her parents read A Dirty Word because they were going to find a way to blame themselves as if to say that they couldn’t protect their daughter. For more, listen along.‘Pretending to be the Cool Girl’This is the title of her favorite chapter in the book, where she tackles the assumptions that people have towards her just because she writes about sex. Steph found out really quickly how many other people in her field could relate to the content of that chapter. And for her, it was the part of the book that she enjoyed writing the most.Messages for Steph’s DaughterSteph says she will instill in her daughter that she doesn’t owe anyone anything. It should be about what she wants, what she is ready for. Boundaries will be taught, sexual education will be accentuated and not glossed over like a lot of parents do, and her daughter will be repeatedly told that it is quite all right to not conform to sexual practices if they are not desired. The lessons and concepts bestowed will get more complex as she grows older, but starting young is so very important.Female Sexuality Has Been DemonizedSteph reminds listeners of the all-important fact that a lot of things that females are told is wrong with them sexually is actually pretty normal. There has been a hyper-focused critique of the female...

My guest Steph has been writing about sexuality for more than fifteen years. She generally writes about sex education, rape culture, and perceptions regarding female sexuality. Her book A Dirty Word: How a Sex Writer Reclaimed Her Sexuality is an autobiography about the sexual abuse she was victim to, but it also encompasses a lot of the areas that she currently writes about in a journalistic sense.Stumbling upon the discipline by accident, she first started writing about sex during a college internship. This was shortly after Steph came out of both a physically and mentally abusive relationship. Using her recent experience and sensing an opportunity for a form of ‘shock therapy’ as she puts it during the episode, Steph learned how to reclaim her sexuality through her sex writing.This episode chronicles a marvelous woman with a remarkable story; listen along!After the RelationshipSteph had trouble feeling comfortable with sex after her abusive relationship. Because of the things she was subjected to, the belittlement she faced, her whole outlook on herself and sex, in general, was distorted. Steph didn’t even feel like she could engage in sex in a way that was pleasurable to her.After she picked up an internship after college and was assigned to write about sex, the exposure to sexuality was very beneficial to her overall perception about it.Listen to Steph talk about it during the interview!The Book: Her Big ‘Me Too’ StoryAfter gaining the experience and knowledge as a writer in the industry, Steph realized the healing power and clarity that comes from a healthy relationship with sex. She knew she wanted to write a book that people could relate to and be helped by. Steph wanted the book to be a way of broaching the subject of sex for people who were uncomfortable talking about it--it would be something to connect to despite the raging storm of discomfort inside.The Most Pressing Issues for Sexuality in SocietyWhen asked about some of the sexual ails of modern society, Steph starts with sexual education. She is wanting to press for earlier education in school. That means that Sex Ed is taught in earlier grades and that parents are also more involved in framing the important aspects of sex before they are sexually active.In addition, Steph also mentions what she considers to be the crux of the issue during the episode. Check it out!Her Largest FearHer husband knew, her good friends knew the extent of her abusive relationship, but she completely afraid of the moment her parents read A Dirty Word because they were going to find a way to blame themselves as if to say that they couldn’t protect their daughter. For more, listen along.‘Pretending to be the Cool Girl’This is the title of her favorite chapter in the book, where she tackles the assumptions that people have towards her just because she writes about sex. Steph found out really quickly how many other people in her field could relate to the content of that chapter. And for her, it was the part of the book that she enjoyed writing the most.Messages for Steph’s DaughterSteph says she will instill in her daughter that she doesn’t owe anyone anything. It should be about what she wants, what she is ready for. Boundaries will be taught, sexual education will be accentuated and not glossed over like a lot of parents do, and her daughter will be repeatedly told that it is quite all right to not conform to sexual practices if they are not desired. The lessons and concepts bestowed will get more complex as she grows older, but starting young is so very important.Female Sexuality Has Been DemonizedSteph reminds listeners of the all-important fact that a lot of things that females are told is wrong with them sexually is actually pretty normal. There has been a hyper-focused critique of the female...

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all!Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk!The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative RelationshipStan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain.To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in.Threats and Shared GovernanceStan reminds us that the small ‘threats’, the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly.Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance’ can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance.Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail.Putting the Relationship First?Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn’t condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with.The Couple BubbleThis interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem’. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly.Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important.Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along!What About Mutually Exclusive Needs?During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win...

Stan Tatkin is the founder of A Psychobiological Approach to Couple Therapy®(PACT). He has worked with couples for more than fifteen years in his clinical practice. He teaches, he counsels, he writes, he does it all!Stan has authored a few very important books throughout his career, some of them including: Wired for Love, Your Brain on Love, Wired for Dating, and his latest and the driving point behind this interview, We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love. All in all, I am delighted to have Stan on the show. You are really going to get a lot out of this talk!The Difficulties of Cultivating a Cooperative and Collaborative RelationshipStan lays the groundwork for a secure-functioning relationship between couples. He says both participants in the relationship share power and mutually govern over each other to balance out the dynamic. Because we are perfectly imperfect as human beings, the dynamic is often skewed to one side. Collaboration is hard and positivity is just as difficult to maintain.To you who listen along, Stan will also take you down a fascinating neurological path when he explains our survival mechanisms and how the brain takes shortcuts. These facets of our development make it very hard to maintain secure relationships. Our states of mind, the many different perceptions we experience--of which Stan likens to a funhouse mirror--and our imperfect memories, are of many hurdles to overcome. For much more on this uphill climb, tune in.Threats and Shared GovernanceStan reminds us that the small ‘threats’, the eyerolls, the tone laced with animosity, the cold shoulder, passive aggression, all of it, can compound and show up in a very real biological sense. After time, you will view your spouse as a predator. Not in any malicious sense, but because of self-protective tendencies we have learned over our development, our perceptions can certainly be skewed unknowingly.Our capacity or tendency to be threatened in ingrained within us naturally. It can also be a result of upbringing as well. Some of it is triggered merely by standing eye-to-eye with one another; In addition, the principle of ‘shared governance’ can cause threats. Stan describes shared governance as shared principles that both parties believe in that will protect one from each other. He also tells us that this is how society works: we share a similar mythology, an analogous narrative is followed that reflects shared sentiments of governance.Really check out this episode to hear Stan explain it in much more detail.Putting the Relationship First?Stan stands by this practice. He says a lot of breakdown in relationships hinges on differences in focus. If both of you agree to put the kids first over the relationship, Stan believes everyone suffers. He doesn’t condone neglecting the child, but just like well-worn maxim of taking care of yourself before others, so too everyone benefits if there's a strong foundation to work with.The Couple BubbleThis interesting concept is described as two people protecting their relationship ‘ecosystem’. This system is built on accountability, that is, the push-and-pull of a symbiotic partnership where one action affects the other tangibly.Stan tells you to think of it this way: the couple bubble can either guarantee mutually assured destruction or mutually assured survival! Keeping the bubble in focus is extremely important.Much more is said. Do yourself a favor and listen along!What About Mutually Exclusive Needs?During the episode, the very crucial question of differing needs arise. What if there are instances, major or minor, where accommodating each other is very difficult. A job interview that necessitates a move, or simply a softball game that cuts into bowling night. Whatever the event, Stan stresses the need for win-win...

My guest Amanda Testa is an expert in sex and love. She is the founder of Find Your Feminine Fire, which is a program that combines concepts from neuroscience and tantra. Utilizing her coaching experience and knowledge in the field, she aims to empower women to be more confident and sexually expressive.As Amanda states during the episode, before she was a Sex, Love, and Embodiment coach, she worked in corporate sales. But after her daughter was born, Amanda decided it was best to stay home and take care of her. Despite the neverending busyness of motherhood, Amanda was given more time to pursue her passions in health and wellness. Eventually, she became a personal trainer and spearheaded Stroller Strides classes to help new mothers stay active and confident in their skin.This was the crucial beginning that would soon unlock the potential she saw in herself, and which she knew other women deserved to unlock as well. This whole process is beautifully outlined in this episode, and it is absolutely worth your time and attention.Sexuality As a Magical Key to Unlock YourselfAfter having been a mother eighteen months or so, Amanda started to resent herself and her own sexuality. A common occurrence for mother’s, she was depressed, and was struggling with low self-esteem and that vicious cycle of negative perception. It was through sexuality that she found the empowering answers she was looking for: the magical key which unlocked that celebratory fire of femininity within her. Listen to hear her describe it in her own words!Defining Feminine FireAmanda calls it a vibrancy, a radiance, energy that all women are born with. Sadly though, modern life always finds a way to distract women from tapping into that wellspring of femininity. Women are stifled, so busy with their everyday business, professional life, and intellectual growth, that for the most part, the fire is not stoked; it barely flickers.But Amanda wants to stress that this fire is not restricted to certain genders. This energy is within all human beings, but because she works mainly with women, her focus is largely on the feminine side of the fire.Interestingly though, Amanda discusses the sentiment of the Yin and Yang, and compares that to the feminine fire, stating that just like males have a percentage of the female Yang, so too do they have the feminine aspects of the “fire” within themselves. Much more is said about this during the episode. Really fascinating stuff! You won’t want to miss it.Signs of Energy Imbalance || How to Fix ThemBeing burned out, overwhelmed, rage, aggression, not talking to your spouse, or a mixture of emotions that tend to dominate the disposition on a consistent basis are all signs that your fire is out of whack. There are ways to fix this imbalance though, as Amanda lays out in the episode.Reconnecting to your desires is one of the biggest steps towards rekindling your fire. Amanda suggests just sitting down and writing your desires out. It does not matter if your only desire in the entire world is to have a cup of coffee, as long as you are writing it down and conditioning your mind to start reconnecting with your desires, that is all that matters. She suggests that you force yourself to spend 10 minutes with this exercise on a consistent basis. You will be surprised at how tangibly your desires are fleshed out before you.Another step is to reconnect with your senses again. Amanda suggests being mindful and purposefully spending the time to pay attention and to be present. By engaging the senses, you can deepen the connection between you and your fire. She says to try it for yourself: the next time you are eating, pay attention to the taste, the sensations, and derive as much enjoyment as possible from the act. This can, of course, be applied to the bedroom as well.She goes into more detail in the...

My guest Amanda Testa is an expert in sex and love. She is the founder of Find Your Feminine Fire, which is a program that combines concepts from neuroscience and tantra. Utilizing her coaching experience and knowledge in the field, she aims to empower women to be more confident and sexually expressive.As Amanda states during the episode, before she was a Sex, Love, and Embodiment coach, she worked in corporate sales. But after her daughter was born, Amanda decided it was best to stay home and take care of her. Despite the neverending busyness of motherhood, Amanda was given more time to pursue her passions in health and wellness. Eventually, she became a personal trainer and spearheaded Stroller Strides classes to help new mothers stay active and confident in their skin.This was the crucial beginning that would soon unlock the potential she saw in herself, and which she knew other women deserved to unlock as well. This whole process is beautifully outlined in this episode, and it is absolutely worth your time and attention.Sexuality As a Magical Key to Unlock YourselfAfter having been a mother eighteen months or so, Amanda started to resent herself and her own sexuality. A common occurrence for mother’s, she was depressed, and was struggling with low self-esteem and that vicious cycle of negative perception. It was through sexuality that she found the empowering answers she was looking for: the magical key which unlocked that celebratory fire of femininity within her. Listen to hear her describe it in her own words!Defining Feminine FireAmanda calls it a vibrancy, a radiance, energy that all women are born with. Sadly though, modern life always finds a way to distract women from tapping into that wellspring of femininity. Women are stifled, so busy with their everyday business, professional life, and intellectual growth, that for the most part, the fire is not stoked; it barely flickers.But Amanda wants to stress that this fire is not restricted to certain genders. This energy is within all human beings, but because she works mainly with women, her focus is largely on the feminine side of the fire.Interestingly though, Amanda discusses the sentiment of the Yin and Yang, and compares that to the feminine fire, stating that just like males have a percentage of the female Yang, so too do they have the feminine aspects of the “fire” within themselves. Much more is said about this during the episode. Really fascinating stuff! You won’t want to miss it.Signs of Energy Imbalance || How to Fix ThemBeing burned out, overwhelmed, rage, aggression, not talking to your spouse, or a mixture of emotions that tend to dominate the disposition on a consistent basis are all signs that your fire is out of whack. There are ways to fix this imbalance though, as Amanda lays out in the episode.Reconnecting to your desires is one of the biggest steps towards rekindling your fire. Amanda suggests just sitting down and writing your desires out. It does not matter if your only desire in the entire world is to have a cup of coffee, as long as you are writing it down and conditioning your mind to start reconnecting with your desires, that is all that matters. She suggests that you force yourself to spend 10 minutes with this exercise on a consistent basis. You will be surprised at how tangibly your desires are fleshed out before you.Another step is to reconnect with your senses again. Amanda suggests being mindful and purposefully spending the time to pay attention and to be present. By engaging the senses, you can deepen the connection between you and your fire. She says to try it for yourself: the next time you are eating, pay attention to the taste, the sensations, and derive as much enjoyment as possible from the act. This can, of course, be applied to the bedroom as well.She goes into more detail in the...

Today, Lisa Diamond tells us about her past and present research on sexual fluidity. Lisa M. Diamond is Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah. Her research focuses on the development and dynamic expression of sexual identity and orientation over the life course, the influences of early life experiences on psychosocial and psychosexual development, and the biological mechanisms through which intimate relationships shape mental and physical health.Where it all beganWhen Lisa Diamond first started graduate school, she was interested in studying lesbian and gay youth - a new field in the early 90s. Early on in her readings, she found a paucity of studies focused on young women. As a feminist and a new researcher trying to find a unique way to enter the field, Lisa posed the following questions: ‘where are the women and what are their experiences? Why have they been underrepresented?’Sexual orientation: not so categorical after allLisa describes her first study, an interview project, where she recruited young women that were non-heterosexual (in some way) to answer her questions. She continues to reveal how their patterns of attractions and behavior led her to conclude that sexual orientation is not as categorical as previously thought and that, although her study focused on the experiences of women, this is not a female phenomenon but rather “a human thing”. She is still following the women from this study (which began in 1995) and listeners can hear more about stories she has collected over the years that have surprised her.What is fluidity?According to Lisa, fluidity is “a capacity to respond erotically to a broader range of stimuli and people than are necessarily a part of your sexual orientation.” The distinction between sexual orientation and fluidity is still being figured out, but Lisa notes an important distinction is the difference in patterns between bisexual women and fluid lesbians or fluid heterosexuals. That is, bisexual women have a more consistent behavioral pattern whereas fluid individuals are much more sporadic in their attractions which are context dependent. Tune in to catch the entire discussion about fluidity and some interesting examples from her research.Why do we feel the need to categorize everyone?The conversation shifts slightly to talking about the human need to categorize and give everyone an (sexual) identity rather than being fluid. Lisa explains that the reason we stereotype or categorize in general is because our brain simply cannot process all of the information coming in from our surroundings. We need to categorize, and as long as we realize that our stereotypes are human creations and not natural types, it’s okay.Fluidity may be a generational thingLisa returns to her 1995 (ongoing) study to explain that in the 80s and 90s it was important to find a community and to be able to connect with folks who had a shared experience. Identity labels were a way to do that and were necessary in a way that youth today do not experience. Lisa believes the younger generation of queer folk is more comfortable not having a label and thus not identifying as anything.What are the takeaways?To conclude, Lisa beautifully articulates several points. First, she contends that while there is a lot of talk about the stigma that (queer) people face, much of the stigmatizing and is done by ourselves: we project our own abnormal-ness onto ourselves. Furthermore, sexual fluidity teaches us about the incredible diversity of the human condition. Given that the hallmark of humans as a species is the ability to adapt, it should come as no surprise that humans are also flexible when it comes to sexuality, spirituality, gender, etc.Final wordsLisa leaves us with the following statement: “If we can adopt an approach of being more forgiving of ourselves and one another...

Today, Lisa Diamond tells us about her past and present research on sexual fluidity. Lisa M. Diamond is Professor of Psychology and Gender Studies at the University of Utah. Her research focuses on the development and dynamic expression of sexual identity and orientation over the life course, the influences of early life experiences on psychosocial and psychosexual development, and the biological mechanisms through which intimate relationships shape mental and physical health.Where it all beganWhen Lisa Diamond first started graduate school, she was interested in studying lesbian and gay youth - a new field in the early 90s. Early on in her readings, she found a paucity of studies focused on young women. As a feminist and a new researcher trying to find a unique way to enter the field, Lisa posed the following questions: ‘where are the women and what are their experiences? Why have they been underrepresented?’Sexual orientation: not so categorical after allLisa describes her first study, an interview project, where she recruited young women that were non-heterosexual (in some way) to answer her questions. She continues to reveal how their patterns of attractions and behavior led her to conclude that sexual orientation is not as categorical as previously thought and that, although her study focused on the experiences of women, this is not a female phenomenon but rather “a human thing”. She is still following the women from this study (which began in 1995) and listeners can hear more about stories she has collected over the years that have surprised her.What is fluidity?According to Lisa, fluidity is “a capacity to respond erotically to a broader range of stimuli and people than are necessarily a part of your sexual orientation.” The distinction between sexual orientation and fluidity is still being figured out, but Lisa notes an important distinction is the difference in patterns between bisexual women and fluid lesbians or fluid heterosexuals. That is, bisexual women have a more consistent behavioral pattern whereas fluid individuals are much more sporadic in their attractions which are context dependent. Tune in to catch the entire discussion about fluidity and some interesting examples from her research.Why do we feel the need to categorize everyone?The conversation shifts slightly to talking about the human need to categorize and give everyone an (sexual) identity rather than being fluid. Lisa explains that the reason we stereotype or categorize in general is because our brain simply cannot process all of the information coming in from our surroundings. We need to categorize, and as long as we realize that our stereotypes are human creations and not natural types, it’s okay.Fluidity may be a generational thingLisa returns to her 1995 (ongoing) study to explain that in the 80s and 90s it was important to find a community and to be able to connect with folks who had a shared experience. Identity labels were a way to do that and were necessary in a way that youth today do not experience. Lisa believes the younger generation of queer folk is more comfortable not having a label and thus not identifying as anything.What are the takeaways?To conclude, Lisa beautifully articulates several points. First, she contends that while there is a lot of talk about the stigma that (queer) people face, much of the stigmatizing and is done by ourselves: we project our own abnormal-ness onto ourselves. Furthermore, sexual fluidity teaches us about the incredible diversity of the human condition. Given that the hallmark of humans as a species is the ability to adapt, it should come as no surprise that humans are also flexible when it comes to sexuality, spirituality, gender, etc.Final wordsLisa leaves us with the following statement: “If we can adopt an approach of being more forgiving of ourselves and one another...

Bi-Sexual AwakeningAs early as 10 or 11, Emily felt that she was bi-sexual. Listen as she describes her evolution of feelings, relationships, and sexual interactions.Coming of AgeAt the age of 16, Emily felt ready for sex. Listen as she discusses her life experience in a small-town community. This smaller atmosphere created a sense of little-to-no options for her first sexual encounter.Going to college, Emily was excited to find freedom for opportunities for relationships and sex. However, she describes her perspective as a return to her experience from her hometown, one of a smaller, closed group without many opportunities for a sexual partner.College LifeAn unrequited emotional infatuation places Emily in a difficult situation involving the pressures of feeling like a virgin and balancing the emotions within a “friends with benefits” situation. Hear Emily describe the evolution of this relationship as it develops and then abruptly comes to a close.Turning PointSelf-reflection leads Emily to realize that her personal history demonstrates her inclination to pursuing relationships that would inevitably fail and at the same time help her avoid feeling a sense of rejection.Listen as Emily discusses the development of this personal realization and then works on the personal and emotional change to engage in more positive relationships while accepting the reality of rejection.Human Sexuality ClassBrave new frontier encouraged by a human sexuality project. Emily’s essay assignment was to do something that was new to her within the realm of sexuality. While the assignment was open to development based on the individual, Emily chose to open a profile on a dating app for more alternative lifestyles.Emily identified as bisexual and was looking for a threesome. Listen as she describes the development of the relationship with a couple she connected with and met. While non-traditional, Emily was able to experience the deeper emotional relationships that develop between a couple and her own deeper emotional ideas of intimacy.Turning PointHonest and positive life changes came from Emily’s experience with the couple. Hear her describe how that non-traditional but honest experience she sought out helped her better understand the importance of pursuing relationships that are more emotionally rewarding and honest because they include the possibility of rejection.An App ExperienceChange in viewpoint, change in pursuits. While Emily had previously used dating apps in her college life, she never really took it seriously. However, after her threesome experience, she developed her intentions, commitment, and bravery to finding and pursuing what she really wanted.Underlying InsecuritiesProgress and emotional states, hear as Emily describes that while she has made progress with her personal relationships, there still exists some of her fundamental insecurities that she continues to work on.Sexual UnderstandingListen as Emily describes her sexually open upbringing which provided her with a strong foundation and understanding of sex. She emphasizes that key emotional ingredients lie in the differences between theory and practice, or “smelling the food vs. tasting the food”.Developing the HungerHealthy happy sex and developing relationships, Emily highlights the development of her understanding and desires of sex and relationships through her creative metaphor of food.The LessonEmily summarizes that it is essential for personal development and relationships that it is necessary to“ask for what you want and put yourself out there.” And that risk is a necessary component of achieving your personal desires.More info:Book and New Course -

Bi-Sexual AwakeningAs early as 10 or 11, Emily felt that she was bi-sexual. Listen as she describes her evolution of feelings, relationships, and sexual interactions.Coming of AgeAt the age of 16, Emily felt ready for sex. Listen as she discusses her life experience in a small-town community. This smaller atmosphere created a sense of little-to-no options for her first sexual encounter.Going to college, Emily was excited to find freedom for opportunities for relationships and sex. However, she describes her perspective as a return to her experience from her hometown, one of a smaller, closed group without many opportunities for a sexual partner.College LifeAn unrequited emotional infatuation places Emily in a difficult situation involving the pressures of feeling like a virgin and balancing the emotions within a “friends with benefits” situation. Hear Emily describe the evolution of this relationship as it develops and then abruptly comes to a close.Turning PointSelf-reflection leads Emily to realize that her personal history demonstrates her inclination to pursuing relationships that would inevitably fail and at the same time help her avoid feeling a sense of rejection.Listen as Emily discusses the development of this personal realization and then works on the personal and emotional change to engage in more positive relationships while accepting the reality of rejection.Human Sexuality ClassBrave new frontier encouraged by a human sexuality project. Emily’s essay assignment was to do something that was new to her within the realm of sexuality. While the assignment was open to development based on the individual, Emily chose to open a profile on a dating app for more alternative lifestyles.Emily identified as bisexual and was looking for a threesome. Listen as she describes the development of the relationship with a couple she connected with and met. While non-traditional, Emily was able to experience the deeper emotional relationships that develop between a couple and her own deeper emotional ideas of intimacy.Turning PointHonest and positive life changes came from Emily’s experience with the couple. Hear her describe how that non-traditional but honest experience she sought out helped her better understand the importance of pursuing relationships that are more emotionally rewarding and honest because they include the possibility of rejection.An App ExperienceChange in viewpoint, change in pursuits. While Emily had previously used dating apps in her college life, she never really took it seriously. However, after her threesome experience, she developed her intentions, commitment, and bravery to finding and pursuing what she really wanted.Underlying InsecuritiesProgress and emotional states, hear as Emily describes that while she has made progress with her personal relationships, there still exists some of her fundamental insecurities that she continues to work on.Sexual UnderstandingListen as Emily describes her sexually open upbringing which provided her with a strong foundation and understanding of sex. She emphasizes that key emotional ingredients lie in the differences between theory and practice, or “smelling the food vs. tasting the food”.Developing the HungerHealthy happy sex and developing relationships, Emily highlights the development of her understanding and desires of sex and relationships through her creative metaphor of food.The LessonEmily summarizes that it is essential for personal development and relationships that it is necessary to“ask for what you want and put yourself out there.” And that risk is a necessary component of achieving your personal desires.More info:Book and New Course -

My guest Daniela Wittmann is an expert on prostate health and urology. In fact, she is a very prominent member of the Prostate Cancer Survivorship Program; in addition, she is an associate professor of Urology and Social Work in the University of Michigan Health System.In this interview, she informs listeners on prostate health and penile rehabilitation--particularly after surgery, radiation, or hormone treatment for males who have had prostate cancer.It is a very informative and important talk, and even if you aren’t currently going through the complications of prostate cancer, getting a jumpstart on learning about the subject is very important.Screening for Prostate CancerAs Daniela states, prostate cancer is asymptomatic, which means that symptoms don’t show up until well after it has already metastasized or shown up in the prostate. It is screened, if there are abnormalities caught in the screen then a biopsy is usually done and then a number of treatment options are available as a next step. Daniela goes into more detail during the episode.Treatment Options That Affect Sexual FunctioningIf non-aggressive and very localized, men can always go under ‘active surveillance.’ At this point, physicians simply monitor and watch to see if the cancer gets more aggressive. This treatment method has no sexual side effects.Another treatment is when the cancer is localized, so treatment typically centers around radiation or surgery. Side effects do occur with this type of treatment. For most men, after they do the surgery, they will experience erectile dysfunction because the nerves responsible for making the penis erect are damaged during surgery. In addition, urinary incontinence can occur as well.For more information on treatment options, as well as the side effects of radiation, Daniella provides a succinct breakdown of the treatment options.Men Resisting or Putting Off Treatment?Because there are considerable side effects like loss of libido, lower testosterone, and impaired erectile function, to name a few, some men choose to resist treatment. Daniela states that there are a number of studies which show that men choose not to get treatment because of how daunting the choice can be. Of course, one would want to treat cancer, but to lose sexual function is not attractive to anyone. Some men choose to only monitor their cancer and wait until it gets much worse.Things to Be Aware OfAmong many other facets, Daniela stresses the importance of communicating concerns about loss of sexual function to your physician. But as she says, when it comes to cancer, many physicians downplay the importance of communicating sexual side effects because cancer is the far more serious factor at play. As a result, Daniela says that many men are often surprised by the side effects after treatment. Communication is key between patient and physician.Also requesting to the surgeon that as many nerves be spared as possible during surgery, is a very important thing to consider.What Does Penile Rehabilitation Look Like?Penile rehabilitation in this context means to protect the penile tissue from atrophying. Daniela highlights a number of strategies that are used to accomplish this: low doses of Viagra or Cialis to breathe oxygen and blood into the penis; another is penile injections which do the same thing, and stimulation of the nerves in the penis to maintain penile tissue. For erections, a vacuum pump can be used to maintain a hard erection as well. And all of this is used to maintain the ability for sexual function once the penis has been rehabilitated enough. For much more, tune in.Recommended Time Rehabilitating and The FrequencyAlthough Daniela says that there is no conclusive time period that one should most effectively rehabilitate, the minimum amount of time should be about...

My guest Daniela Wittmann is an expert on prostate health and urology. In fact, she is a very prominent member of the Prostate Cancer Survivorship Program; in addition, she is an associate professor of Urology and Social Work in the University of Michigan Health System.In this interview, she informs listeners on prostate health and penile rehabilitation--particularly after surgery, radiation, or hormone treatment for males who have had prostate cancer.It is a very informative and important talk, and even if you aren’t currently going through the complications of prostate cancer, getting a jumpstart on learning about the subject is very important.Screening for Prostate CancerAs Daniela states, prostate cancer is asymptomatic, which means that symptoms don’t show up until well after it has already metastasized or shown up in the prostate. It is screened, if there are abnormalities caught in the screen then a biopsy is usually done and then a number of treatment options are available as a next step. Daniela goes into more detail during the episode.Treatment Options That Affect Sexual FunctioningIf non-aggressive and very localized, men can always go under ‘active surveillance.’ At this point, physicians simply monitor and watch to see if the cancer gets more aggressive. This treatment method has no sexual side effects.Another treatment is when the cancer is localized, so treatment typically centers around radiation or surgery. Side effects do occur with this type of treatment. For most men, after they do the surgery, they will experience erectile dysfunction because the nerves responsible for making the penis erect are damaged during surgery. In addition, urinary incontinence can occur as well.For more information on treatment options, as well as the side effects of radiation, Daniella provides a succinct breakdown of the treatment options.Men Resisting or Putting Off Treatment?Because there are considerable side effects like loss of libido, lower testosterone, and impaired erectile function, to name a few, some men choose to resist treatment. Daniela states that there are a number of studies which show that men choose not to get treatment because of how daunting the choice can be. Of course, one would want to treat cancer, but to lose sexual function is not attractive to anyone. Some men choose to only monitor their cancer and wait until it gets much worse.Things to Be Aware OfAmong many other facets, Daniela stresses the importance of communicating concerns about loss of sexual function to your physician. But as she says, when it comes to cancer, many physicians downplay the importance of communicating sexual side effects because cancer is the far more serious factor at play. As a result, Daniela says that many men are often surprised by the side effects after treatment. Communication is key between patient and physician.Also requesting to the surgeon that as many nerves be spared as possible during surgery, is a very important thing to consider.What Does Penile Rehabilitation Look Like?Penile rehabilitation in this context means to protect the penile tissue from atrophying. Daniela highlights a number of strategies that are used to accomplish this: low doses of Viagra or Cialis to breathe oxygen and blood into the penis; another is penile injections which do the same thing, and stimulation of the nerves in the penis to maintain penile tissue. For erections, a vacuum pump can be used to maintain a hard erection as well. And all of this is used to maintain the ability for sexual function once the penis has been rehabilitated enough. For much more, tune in.Recommended Time Rehabilitating and The FrequencyAlthough Daniela says that there is no conclusive time period that one should most effectively rehabilitate, the minimum amount of time should be about...