Porn Free Radio

When we feel rejected we think, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.” Rejection is a huge trigger and can be an obstacle to healthy recovery. It keeps us isolated and alone. For more on this topic, listen to PFR 023 Our Greatest Trap in Life. Over the years, I have come to realize that the greatest trap in our life is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as I am rejected, left alone, or abandoned, I find myself thinking, ‘Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.’ … [My dark side says,] I am no good… I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected, and abandoned. Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the ‘Beloved.’ Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence.” ― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Life of the Beloved Contribute to Pornfree Radio * Give to Pornfree Radio – Pledge Now REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Apply now Thanks for all your ratings and reviews in iTunes. If you haven’t had a chance yet please subscribe in iTunes and leave a rating or review because that helps get the word out.

Need a boost? A 7-day stretch goal can help energize your recovery this week. In this episode, you’ll learn what a 7-day stretch goal is, why it’s important, and how to set one. REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Apply now Resources: * PFR 179: Flow * Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi * Porn Free This Year Free Video Training with Worksheet   The links in this post to Amazon.com are affiliate links. Meaning if you make a purchase, I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.  

In episode 113 of PFR, a listener named Jon wrote, “I’m becoming the type of man who does not look at porn.” This idea has connected with many listeners since it posted back in 2017. Today, I read a letter from Rob who shares his inspiration for becoming the type of man who does not look at porn. Drummer and Musicologist, Mickey Hart Photo Credit: Brande Jackson Photography REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Apply now Resources mentioned: * Urge Surfing Mindfulness Meditation Download Here * Discipline = Freedom by Jocko Willink https://amzn.to/2XanQMb * Jocko Podcast Podcast Link * The Forbidden Scrolls series by John W. Fort  https://amzn.to/2TThNcV * Redefine Recovery Podcast Link * Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey https://amzn.to/2XbEDOS * Let’s Talk About Porn Again, Death, Sex & Money Podcast 1/23/2019 Podcast Link * The Wounded Heart: Hope for Adult Victims of Childhood Sexual Abuse by Dan Allender https://amzn.to/2TSKXJ9 * The Betrayed, The Addicted, and The Expert Podcast Link * Changes That Heal: Four Practical Steps to a Happier, Healthier You by Henry Cloud https://amzn.to/2DIktTK * Boomerang and Spin Browser for Android https://useboomerang.com/ * Unwanted by Jay Stringer https://amzn.to/2Xk9lWb   The links in this post to Amazon.com are affiliate links. Meaning if you make a purchase, I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.  

Hope Ray, therapist and partner specialist, returns to discuss recovery, relationships, and more. Hope Ray first joined PFR in episodes, 70, 74, and 111. Today she returns to answer questions about: * If you should be completely open with your partner about edging and slips.* How long does this take for healthy physical intimacy to return in a relationship?* What if there is no physical intimacy at all?* What is an intensive for porn and sex addiction?* What expectations can a partner have for someone recovering from pornography? Visit Hope Ray’s Website Porn Free This YearWatch my free video training to jump-start your recovery this year. Includes downloadable worksheet.

On this episode of Porn Free Radio, I open up my inbox and answer your questions… * Should I get rid of anything that triggers me?* If you’ve gone porn free for a few years before you get married do you have to tell your spouse about it?* How much do I need to tell my wife after a slip?* How do I help my (ex)boyfriend?* What if I am addicted to something more addicting than porn alone?* Help! I’m not sure what’s wrong with me… Resources Mentioned: * Video: Coffee with the Dobber #3: Why You Still Like Porn* Podcast: PFR 186 – Success Comes From 50% Recovery Work And 50% KickIng Ass In Life* Podcasts with Coach Craig Perra: (016, 017, 035, 046, and 047)* Podcast: Sex Addictions & Porn Afflictions with Craig Perra * (I appear on Jan 2, 2017, and December 18, 2018)* My Recommended Books* Book: The Morning Miracle for Addiction Recovery by Hal Elrod, Anna David, and Joe Polish. * Punkt. Minimal Phone* Podcasts with Partner Specialist, Hope Ray (070, 074, and 111)* Book: Stop Sex Addiction: Real Hope, True Freedom for Sex Addicts and Partners by Milton S. Magness* Podcast: PFR 142 – Your Porn. Her Pain. How Partners Heal with Lori and Jay Pyatt Coaching with Matt Dobschuetz Work with me 1-on-1 or join REV group coaching. Take action by filling out my short application and let’s get started. Learn More

Sometimes I focus on the struggle too much. It’s hard walking in recovery. I want to be honest about that. But then I think what am I doing to kick ass in life? What excites me? What sparks joy? On today’s show, we’re talking about what it means to pursue a great life. REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Spots are available now. Apply now

Most relapses start with edging. Edging is any unsound activity that mimics our old patterns with porn. It typically involves content or behavior that is tamer than what we did when we were binging on porn. In this episode, you’ll learn to shift your thinking away from “this is not porn” mentality. REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Spots are available now. Apply now Resources Mentioned: * PFR 092 – Back 2 Basics: Edging * PFR 051 – Slips Vs. Acting Out * Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) Amazon link * Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) Read Online at aa.org From p. 24,  Alcoholics Anonymous (The Big Book) The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet ob­scure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our con­sciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove. The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, “It won’t burn me this time, so here’s how!’’ Or perhaps he doesn’t think at all. How often have some of us begun to drink in this nonchalant way, and after the third or fourth, pounded on the bar and said to ourselves, “For God’s sake, how did I ever get started again?’’ Only to have that thought supplanted by “Well, I’ll stop with the sixth drink.’’ Or “What’s the use anyhow?’’

Boredom is a big trigger. When I ask guys what they can do about it, the most common answer is, “just keep busy.” But that is the same strategy we use porn for when we’re bored. It’s a distraction. In this episode, we continue our Successful Guys series. We talk about boredom, distraction, and why cultivating solitude is important for recovery. Plus listen for the special mystery guest in this episode. By means of distraction, a man can avoid his own company twenty-four hours a day.” – Thomas Merton Resources Mentioned: * Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World by Cal Newport (Amazon link) REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Spots are available now. Apply now

Continuing our successful guys series, I offer 3 powerful ideas for overcoming relapsing. Resources Mentioned: * The Plumb Line No. 2904 by C.H. Spurgeon (PDF) * PFR 57: Go Porn Free In 2016 * PFR 95: Go Porn Free in 2017 Pt. 1: Your Why * PFR 96: Go Porn Free in 2017 Pt. 2: Your Plan * PFR 97: Go Porn Free in 2017 Pt. 3: Your Tribe * PFR 128 – The Porn Free Plan That Never Fails Pt. 1 * PFR 128 – The Porn Free Plan That Never Fails Pt. 2 Recovering From Relapse Do You Know How To Deal With A Porn Relapse? Watch my free 3-video series. Get Access

In this episode, we continue with our successful guys series by discussing shame. C.G. Jung called shame a “soul eating emotion.” It’s the corrosive state where our failure and flaws come to define us. Where we see ourselves as broken and unable to change. Resources Mentioned: * PFR 026 – Shame and Porn Addiction REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey. In REV you’ll find consistent, safe, hope-filled guys who get it. Don’t do this alone. Spots are available now. Apply now

We’ve talked about motivation a lot. See PFR episodes: 36, 132, 133, 134, and 170. It makes sense. You want to change your relationship and habits with porn. You want motivation to do what has to be done. The truth is, if you could make the change you needed, you would have done it already. But lack of motivation comes after you have tried and failed. It’s closer to hopelessness and it leads to apathy. You give up. You stop trying. So how do successful guys overcome this? Hit play. Resources: Restored Virtual Summit December 9 – 18, 2018 Join 80+ of the world’s leading recovery experts, including Matt Dobschuetz, as they share how to restore the lost years of your life due to porn and sex addiction. Register for free. Reserve Your Spot   Disclosure: I am an affiliate for BraveHearts. The links in this email to Restored Virtual Summit are affiliate links. Meaning if you sign up for an all-access pass, I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.

A lot of importance is placed on triggers in recovery. Almost too much. Because its really the craving we need to learn to deal with. In this episode, Matt responds to a listener about potential triggers in Porn Free Radio. Resources mentioned in this episode: * PFR 155 – Overcoming Addiction * The Science Behind Pornography by Kevin Majeres, MD (Article) * Sex, Drugs, Gambling, & Chocolate: A Workbook for Overcoming Addictions by Dr. Tom Horvath (Amazon affiliate link) REV Group Coaching Connect with other guys on the journey, each week, in our confidential online meetings. Upcoming spots available. Apply now

Are you overwhelmed getting started going porn free? Or have you been in recovery, a while, and gotten bored? Maybe you’ve lost some focus or feel apathetic. Join Matt for a cup of coffee and a discussion about the psychological concept of Flow. You’ll learn why staying in a state overwhelm or boredom is not good for your overall success, satisfaction, and happiness. Resources: * Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi * Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl   Simple Flow Diagram: Coaching with Matt Dobschuetz Work with me 1-on-1 or join REV group coaching. Take action by filling out my short application and let’s get started. Apply Now   The Amazon.com links on this page are affiliate links. Meaning if you make a purchase, I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.

In REV this week, I was asked to share my current plan. So my co-leader Jay and I went through Your Porn Free Playbook and captured our current recovery plans. Resources: * Porn Free This Year Watch my free video training to jump-start your recovery this year. Includes downloadable worksheet. * Sex, Drugs, Gambling, & Chocolate Workbook by Dr. A Thomas Horvath. For more from Horvath listen to: PFR 155 – Overcoming Addiction * The ONE Thing by Gary Keller with Jay Papasan. For more on establishing habits listen to: PFR 132 – Motivation Pt. 1: The Myth of Self Discipline   The Amazon.com links on this page are affiliate links. Meaning if you make a purchase, I will earn a commission at no additional cost to you.

Brian, a PFR super fan, shares 10 quotes that impacted him from the podcast. He’s joined by his accountability partner, Clay. Plus, you have to check out the original PFR song in this episode. It’s amazing! ———- Forwarded message ——— From: Brian [Last Name Withheld] Subject: PFR quotes To: Matt Dobschuetz <matt@recoveredman.com> Matt, I’ve been significantly impacted by your podcast in my recovery journey. I have been listening to your podcast for about three years and I’ve also been porn free for about three years. Not a coincidence! A few weeks ago, I thought it would be a cool idea to list several of the phrases and/or quotes from your podcast that are a basic part of my life. I was surprised that there were so many… * “To break a habit, you have to make a habit.” – Craig Perra, ep. 16. * “To go pornfree for a year, you have to first go pornfree for a month.” – ep. 57 – all time favorite episode – I’ve listened to this episode more than a dozen times; I listened to it each and every month in 2016. * “Porn is toxic to me. Even a little bit can make me sick.” – ep. 75 – whole episode is especially good. * Edging and the commitment to stop; panning and scanning; detailed on ep. 141 from timestamp 52 mins through 1 hr mark. * “Key to recovery is going to bed when your wife does.” – mentioned in many episodes including ep. 139. * Recovery fatigue – keeping recovery fresh – mentioned on ep. 141 around time stamp 35 min. * “Addiction: an extreme version of a habit.” A repeated involvement with anything despite excessive costs because of craving. The ordinary processes that change habits or addictions include: increasing self-awareness, identifying and resolving conflict, discovering and developing alternative behaviors, experiencing support from others, not acting on temptation, being persistent – from the book Sex, Drugs, Gambling, & Chocolate: A Workbook for Overcoming Addictions by Dr. Tom Horvath – mentioned on ep. 155 starting at minute 31. * “We want to integrate recovery into our life, not do recovery so that we can get back to our life.” – an episode in the early part of 2018. * “What you feed grows, what you starve dies.” – Michael Leahy on ep. 135 * “Take hope and take action.” – every episode. Matt, Thanks for all that you do. I pray for your ministry and wish you the best! Take hope and take action. Brian It’s Not Too Late To Go Porn Free This Year Build your recovery plan today. Get my free video training here.