Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast

Kelly and Tom are joined by Boars, Gore, and Swords co-hosts Ivan Hernandez and Red Scott for the most upsetting episode of this podcast ever.  In their recap of Downton Abbey S2:E6, the gang chats about all things Canadian, Downton’s own Scrooge McDuck, the emergence of the “Jaters,” Mrs. Patmore on Hoarders, what men get up to behind the bicycle shed, and two more DA spinoffs!  Also, Ivan flips out about DC’s New 52, Red flips out about Scottish people, and everyone plans to meet up 200 years in the future. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom make plans to maintain their sanity, advise the Cousins about driving safety, and go for a spin on “Whore Mansion.”  They also speculate about William’s new mother, babies with mustaches, the probability that Matthew is the Antichrist or Darth Vader, champagne brunches, Daisy’s stress relief, the feasibility of chucking a bullet, the appropriate sound effects to accompany Mrs. Bates, and the total horrorshow that was World War I.  Also, everyone cries during Downton Abbey S2:E5, because it is the cryingest episode to date, but there’s no crying in the Abbey Awards!  No crying! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

At last, Kelly & Tom record a recap that’s not two hours long!  They still manage to discuss Downton Abbey S2:E4 in its entirety, explain last week’s Character Ceasefire SNAFU, and rewrite a number of popular songs for your amusement.  Other topics include Thomas’ futuristic sack, an attempt to delete sarcasm, Simon Pegg-leg’s cameo, the Edwardian version of the Mos Eisley cantina, Mary’s strange aversion to concerts, the depths of McG’s stone-cold bitchery, and Sybil’s Sense & Sensibility reenactment.  Tom unveils his Daisy impression and Kelly discovers a persistent mental block regarding O’Brien and Mr. Bates’ cane. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom draw the inevitable Narnia comparisons in this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E3, and discuss the logistics of being a monkey’s uncle, the one and only Batman, whether or not Mr. Bates is a purity ball, Edwardian Cosmo, Double 00-Edith, the cure for Lord Grantam’s trench evy, and PBS euphamisms for sex acts.  Along the way, they encounter omnisexual handmaidens, proto-Kardashians, and a mean set of hypno bangs.  In addition, Kelly is enraged by skittles, Tom knows nothing about Fiddler on the Roof, and Daisy is still not fit to be seen by human eyes. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E2, Kelly and Tom geek out because Adebisi is following them on Twitter, come out in favor of embroidery, and suss out some really depressing facts about World War I.  Back on the farm, Edith has her most interesting plot to date, McG impersonates Napoleon, Thomas fails to kickstart the Edwardian “It Gets Better” campaign, Ethel greets all of Downton’s unexpected guests, Lord Grantham throws a tantrum, and Miss O’Brien’s heart grows three sizes in one episode.  The hosts also catch Julian Fellowes in a continuity scandal, discover the best way to kill Tom, and wonder whether Lady Mary and Sir Richard can build something worth ruining. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom come roaring out of hiatus for Downton Abbey S2:E1 to introduce a very saucy replacement ginger, explore Kelly’s canine obsession, plant a flag for the new nation of Batesylvania, proclaim that nail-filing is the new smoking, expose Tom’s crush on silent film star Clara Bow, unexpectedly root for O’Brien, do lots of all-caps SOBBING, and discuss whether or not the Dowager Countess would have been a Trekkie.  They also catch up on correspondence from several cousins, declare a Character Ceasefire, and reveal the latest title in their Downton Library, Engagements I Have Ruined: A Scrapbook by Mary Crawley. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This recap of Downton Abbey S1:E7 is supersized, so don’t feel obligated to listen to it in one sitting.  Sam Roth of “Rigged Up” joins Kelly and Tom to brainstorm countless Downton spinoffs, dispute Mrs. Hughes’ made-up vocabulary, implement the Schlieffenplan, wonder whether Mary is older than Battlestar Galactica, critique the experimental film hidden in the episode, and cheer one of the most satisfactory face-punchings in television history. Following Sam’s impassioned defense of O’Brien, they host a series of pop-culture showdowns:  McG versus Michelle Duggar, Drew Barrymore versus everybody, and Mr. Bates versus Satan.  Up Yours, Downstairs! is taking a one-week hiatus before recapping Series 2, so be sure to stock up on laudanum to get through it! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This recap of Downton Abbey S1:E6 is accompanied by the sounds of the wild Patmore and Carson’s tardy dressing gong as Kelly and Tom consider the effects of breeding on being patronizing, McG’s scheming prowess, Julian Fellowes’ private life, how to get Batesed, Daisy’s belated self-awareness, the trouble with fairies, the difference between a crush and a concussion, and the way that nothing bad ever starts in Germany.  In addition, they announce the trivia contest winner, read some freaky-beatnik poems, and whine about Masterpiece Classic’s terrible, horrible, no good, very bad editing. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom dodge bullets, drop balls, and have a quaff of ale in their recap of Downton Abbey S1:E5.  They still find time to chat about Laura Linney’s smug, punchable face, how to prepare for dinner at Baron Julian Fellowes’ house, Mr. Bates versus Jesus, Cousin Isobel’s amphetamine-powered nagging, the siren song of the Downton Village flower show, Matthew and Mary’s long journey to first base, the perpetual petrification of Daisy, and a new children’s book called A Tree for Edith.  They also crack the case of the missing wine, the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson, and the problem with McG’s voice. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom take a ride on the Good Ship Maggie Smith as they recap Downton Abbey S1:E4.  On their journey, they discuss various ways Mary Crawley might kill herself, make inevitable Clue jokes, come down with a case of Thomas fever, investigate the ancestries of Kelly Clarkson and Morrisey, and find out how hard people who are not Sybil fought for the vote.  Tom reveals that he is a fan of Daisy’s hat while Kelly sits in the hall.  They make an important announcement that affects ALL of the Tenants, and then they Make Way for Branson! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom are joined by San Francisco comedian Natasha Muse to recap Downton Abbey S1:E3 and learn how everything can get cancer, meet Laura Linney’s ghostly cinematographer, tag along on the most unsuccessful date, discover how Sybill invented the topsy tail, read the stud book, and lament Edwardian England’s lack of emoticons.  Also up for discussion: a rape of a different color, the innocent sleep of the ginger, limpigators, Maggie Smith’s “A-Team” connection, and “Buckin Around with Edith Crawley.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this recap of Downton Abbey S1:E2, Kelly and Tom cover how to mistreat a soufflé, the most dangerous game, dropsy cankles, the Carson Cave, knife-holding etiquette, goofballs, the flawless body of Jules Leotard, the right way to handle a Sycorax spaceship, whiny babies, valet advice columns, free speech in the servants’ quarters, Monte Carlos and Homburgs, the world’s worst liar, sea monsters, princesses, and a grizzly bear.  They also ponder how to fill three bags, the art of matching carpets to drapes, steampunk surgery, the original Charlie Murphy, and the four faces of Mrs. Patmore. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom kick off their recap of Downton Abbey S1: E1 with the one and only “Downton Abbey Suite” remix, making fun of Laura Linney, learning about the Boer War (which has nothing to do with Pumbaa), the lameness of valets, luncheon versus lunch, Maggie Smith’s digestive habits, O’Brien’s face, the difference between eggs and poison, awesome Victorian mustaches, a weasel up to starring opposite Christian Bale, saying “Mr. Bates” without giggling, and reminiscing about Antiques Roadshow.  All this, plus lotsa love for “Boars, Gore, and Swords.”  Logo by Suzanna Koolidge. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.