Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast

Kelly & Tom continue their very exciting Empire Exhibition with an assist from comedian Kevin O’Shea. They dive deep into the Lake of Shining Waters with Anne of Green Gables, only coming up for the occasional swig of raspberry cordial and a reminiscence about childhood community theater. The film passes the Bechdick test with flying colors and also features Prissy Andrews as the Canadian Terminator, a hairdo puffier than Anne’s sleeves, lots of ginger hate, Matthew’s brown sugar obsession, a surprising detour to the Charlottesville Conference of 1864, and a cameo from Futurama‘s “Mom.” Kelly wants to hear Josie Pye’s side of things, Tom has totally forgotten about Downton Abbey, and Kevin suggests that the gables themselves might be of use to the Kaiser. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

For their recap of both the 1917 and 1995 versions of A Little Princess, Kelly and Tom are joined by the delightful Allison Mick. The trio pretty much rolls their eyes every time Sara Crewe opens her mouth, but they manage to have a great time talking Passions (aka the greatest soap opera of all time), Ser Davos “Call Me Dave” Seaworth, the Inception of podcasts, staggeringly weird father/daughter relationships, the ways in which we are all Minchins, the return of War Horse, Rusty Schwimmer, living in Taj Mahals, handicapped ghosts, and whether or not Douglas Fairbanks was gay. Kelly is a third cake feminist, Tom invents a drinking game, and Allison dubs Alfonso Cuaron the new king of comedy! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom welcome the Dowager Cousin Jackie back to UYDS for their coverage of Blackadder Goes Forth. The trio is surprised by its tonal similarity to Parade’s End and spends a long time extolling the virtues of Orphan Black for no other reason than the fact that everyone should watch Orphan Black. Otherwise, they realize that Captain Flashheart is essentially Duffman from The Simpsons (RIP Rik Mayall), discuss the many sins of Chris Columbus, solicit accounts of raising pigeons from chicks, uncover Tony Robinson’s Da Vinci Code connection, revel in the madness of General Melchett, fist-pump for Miranda Richardson, admit there’s something about Bob, and wonder why there are only three people in the British army. All this, plus Kelly thinks Blackadder is a Capricorn, Tom makes a lot of Shakespearean interruptions, and Jackie refuses to acknowledge fruitcake as cake. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

While they find 1984’s A Passage to India awfully racist (even for the 1960s), Kelly & Tom like it almost as much as a video of a baby singing Outkast’s “Hey Ya.” It’s a Star Wars heavy episode as they encourage Questlove to put some damn pajamas on, get haunted by the Caves of Marabar, marvel at the Eastwood-ness of Mr. Fielding, identify Roddy the Rodent’s long-lost relative, wish to be as chill as Armitrao, declare “Mrs. Moore” to be the Spartacus of this movie, discuss the difficulty of impressing Zeus, discover what Beethoven was really talking about, and decry Judy Davis’ lack of cuteness. Kelly thinks the movie is like Hello, Dolly, Tom REALLY hates cucumber sandwiches, and they both ponder whether EM Forster would have been down with a “bromance.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

It’s time to close the doors on S2 of Mr. Selfridge, but not without one last recap from Kelly & Tom. They wonder how many tricks Fat Thomas turned to pay for Agnes’ engagement ring, hope Eyeliner will include more store windows next year, guess wildly at Mrs. Selfridge’s never explained diagnosis, tell Mr. Grove to slow his ginger roll, speculate on the size of Loxley’s lizard, celebrate “I’m Glad I’m Rich Day,” give Ma Selfridge a new nickname, and order up some steamed Plunkett for lunch. All this, plus Kelly thinks about “Circle of Friends” again, Tom provides Cultural Cliffs Notes, and everyone hopes the next series jumps to the end of WWI because we’re all sick to death of the trenches! See everyone in two weeks for the kickoff of the UYDS Empire Exhibition! See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom scoop themselves in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E9. They also decipher Harry’s social schedule, uncover the identity of Edwardian Deep Throat, lament the declining standards at the Palm Court, reveal some Belgian sex tips, discover a new weasel, ponder The Spirit Of Blank, and continue pining for the stick poking kid. Kelly announces a new sponsorship, Tom criticizes Nicole Kidman, and everybody high fives at the triumphant return of Blenkinsop. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

As the finale rapidly approaches, Kelly & Tom can’t wait to see what happens next. In the meantime, their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E8 covers a variety of not-entirely awful American accents, the Rhett Butler of the West End, New Gordon’s unrelenting dweebiness, a message from the Tillie Foundation, how to succeed in business (if you’re Delphine), trucks full of eyeliner, a creepy, knuckle-eating lizard, royalty payments to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the intricacies of Bootgate, refugee stuff, and the possibility that Kitty Hawkins is actually a living doll. Kelly plans to change her name, Tom sums up the entirety of Are You Being Served? in a single sentence, and they both advocate strongly for the asterisk technique. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom are completely Crabbestruck in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E7. They also get paid by the Oliver! reference, confirm that Beatrice sees all, cheer Agnes’ excellent relationship skills, hope for the return of that stick-poking kid, get completely squicked out by Mr. Grove’s urges, declare The Plunkett to be Edwardian tech support, and are disappointed by Monsieur LeClair for the first time. Kelly refuses to sing Big Bill Summertime’s song, Tom wants some Bovril curry, and no one should ever take a bath. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom laugh at a lot of inappropriate moments in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E6. They also christen a Conehead, launch the good ‘ship Malorian, tell Monsieur LeClair to get his shit together, provide ill-informed book reviews, beg Beyonce to write a song about women of independent means, bet on Kitty Hawkins in a rap battle, lament the total lack of sexual chemistry between Delphine and Harry, and have a Doris Classic sighting. Kelly makes Tom laugh really hard, Tom hates the Victorian era, and everyone finally learns what’s up with those weird British bank notes. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom go back to the tea emporium in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E5, but they can only podcast while riding a bus that’s pulling away. They meet the Artful Porter, suspect Eyeliner of being a Bond villain AND Judi Dench, realize that all violins look like a naked lady’s back, fall in love with Mr. Crabbe, get excited to dine at Fat Thomas’s fictional restaurant, and worry that someone might try to kill WWI era Germans during WWII by mistake. Kelly busts out her McG impression, Tom is not being paid by Snacky Smores, and everyone is well aware that the poker game is no limit. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom deliver yet another AP English-heavy recap for Mr. Selfridge S2E4. They declare Rose to be the Columbus, OH of people, demand more screentime for Lurch, speculate about Beatrice’s claim to immortality, find themselves fascinated by the Horny Chocolatier, identify French slut-shaming as the glue that held the British Empire together, wonder why New Gordon is 34, and try to keep Fat Thomas from sticking his fat nose in places. Kelly explains the finer points of retail hierarchy, Tom looks at Young Indiana Jones, and everyone struggles to pronounce “Gio.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E3, Kelly & Tom are shockingly won over by Mr. Grove’s gettin’ it done montage, find New Gordon’s pornography unimpressive, discuss how tigers like their afternoon tea, rejoice at Mr. Leclair’s return to retail, wonder what Pimble gets up to, express concern that Harry wants a drink, imagine Eyeliner’s various delusions of grandeur, and gaze upon The Picture of Dorian’s Hair. Kelly hasn’t seen enough Golden Girls, Tom wants a job at the Palm Court, and, once again, everyone agrees that things were different before the war. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom recover from tax season with their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E2. They speculate that Miss Towler may be experiencing Goblin King-related interference, point out that New Gordon is no Charlie Chaplin, elucidate Jeremy Piven’s internal monologue, count all the horrible things that should be highlighted in a British “Empire” exhibition, suggest the Lord Loxley Award for Horrible Behavior, discover the legend of Tubby Isaac’s, and gleefully welcome back Monsieur Hobo Beard LeClair. Kelly writes a Lifehacker article, Tom says “GOOD GOD!,” and everyone worries that the show is rapidly approaching “peak ginger.” See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom return to the wonderful world of Eyeliner in their recap of Mr. Selfridge S2E1. They discuss the difficulty inherent in following the PBS broadcast schedule, a superior credits sequence, the perfection that is Polly Walker, Marvilius: The Lost Hogwarts House, Mr. Crabbe’s cousin, the return of Lang, the origin of mannequins, a community theatre production of “There’s Something About Mary,” how to steam a pigeon, and New Gordon. Kelly’s right, Tom’s wrong, and everyone wants Monsieur Leclair to shave his hobo beard. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom cover the five people you meet at Downton in their S4 recap wrap-up!  Among other things, they discuss Bates’ evolution into a Lifetime Original Movie, The International Brotherhood of Bangs, Ponytails & Mullets, Chekov’s refrigerator, the joys of shouting “Gilly” and “Pegglet,” the return(?) of FakePatrick, Greta and her biscuit, how Isis was presented to King George, and having sex on green room couches.  Kelly is all died out, Tom wants everyone to know The Duchess is still out there, and everyone wants to Free Madge. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.