Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast

Kelly & Tom make a passionate plea for peace in their recap of the 1930 classic All Quiet on the Western Front. Otherwise, this episode sees the return of the baby brigade, lots of made up German words, a terrifying pair of hands, the only conservatory in the country, the power of a busted face, the burden of love, a derriere, the correct way to make an omelet, and way too many tea cozies. Kelly makes experimental mask films, Tom swears he heard the Goblin King, and everyone pulls together to support Kathy Bates after her acting career tanks. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E8. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

The tears are flowing in this recap of The Wind That Shakes the Barley as Kelly & Tom get back on the Empire Exhibition wagon. They try to keep it together and crack jokes about being torn asunder, Tom Branson’s unforgivable cowardice, the difficulty of a consistent Irish accent, the deliciousness of pretzel buns, kangaroo gouging, the merits of Peri Gilpin, and whether it’s possible to hit the knucklepuck. Kelly feels like Bill Paxton at the end of Titanic, Tom is a one-time fan of Johnny Tremain, and everyone is glad this film moves so quickly. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E7. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E6. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E5. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E4. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Due to the vagaries of travel, Kelly & Tom recap Upstairs, Downstairs S1E2 and find the series growing on them. They struggle to come up with shipping portmanteaus, fail to remember the name of that drunk footman, discuss the logistics of Madonna’s marriage to Guy Ritchie, are shocked by the horrific realities of everyday Fascism, declare Agnes to be the worst, marvel at the servant-of-the-week format, complain about Ivy’s orphanarium, roll their eyes at the definition of “water-ices,” and unexpectedly become members of Team Hallam. Kelly cannot remember Haile Selassie’s name, Tom deals with his Molesley issues, and everyone agrees that Solomon is the power behind the throne. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In an act of fan-service, Kelly & Tom finally dip into the fan-servicey world of 2010’s Upstairs, Downstairs reboot. They agree that Sasha was hotter than Spargo, discuss inappropriate ways to “rock the vote,” reveal Queen Victoria’s secret love of impressions, root for a “Maud & the Monkey” spinoff, wonder what happened between Mrs. Buck and that bannister, and realize that Lena Dunham jokes have a very short shelf life. All this, plus Kelly cannot remember that Nazi’s name, Tom revises his will, and everyone is bummed that they are missing Sadie & the Hotheads East Coast tour. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E3. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E2. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In their recap of 1993’s The Secret Garden, Kelly & Tom are thrilled to find that it’s a darn good movie, possibly thanks to executive producer Francis Ford Coppola, who is also Kelly’s close personal friend. The film itself features Maggie Smith earning all 5 Maggie Smiths as Mrs. Medlock, Kate Maberly as the kid lit version of Scarlett O’Hara, the worst ghost ever, a new spin on The Odd Couple, Martha shopping at The Paradise, Claude the surprisingly violent pony, haircuts at the Gap, the dangers of swinging while pregnant, the world’s oldest youngest man, Dickon’s very attractive lamb-saving skills, and the potentially damaging idea that magic is real and can solve all problems. Kelly tries to sing the entirety of The Secret Garden musical, Tom trots out his Rashers impersonation, and everyone wants to see David Cronenberg’s take on the Frances Hodgson Burnett classic. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S5E1. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom’s Empire Exhibition takes them to Ireland this week, as they recap episodes 1 and 2 of Strumpet City despite not having the slightest idea what anybody is saying. Nonetheless, they pass the time by reminiscing about Rosario Dawson, critiquing local dentistry, unearthing a lost Johnny Cash song, exploring the popularity of Friends in Edwardian Ireland, and ranking Robin Hoods. Tom brushes up on his Russian, Kelly still misses Sylvia, and everybody is dismayed by a troubling lack of strumpets. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Kelly and Tom are throwing an infidelity party following their recap of Shackleton, and everyone except Embeth Davidtz is invited! While they spend time with Tom’s favorite actor on Tom’s favorite continent, they chat about how many times people sleep with Kenneth Branagh, The Shaggy DA, what to do with an army of Welshies, drunk penguins, Frank Hurley as the Spike Jonez of Antarctica, Bovril, the original Pilates, The Colonel’s misguided attempts at levity, and the importance of packing a toe bucket. As if that wasn’t enough, Kelly invents an amazing new Tumblr, Tom regrets not buying a high school yearbook, and they finally figure out the only thing that could cause them to get divorced. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.