Parenting Today’s Teens

#2045 When your child says something like, “I wish I’d been born in a different family!” … how do you recover from the hurt? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. The answer is forgiveness. And if you can grasp this definition, it will make a world of difference in how you handle any struggle with your child. Here it is: “Forgiveness is giving up hope that you’ll ever have a better past.” See, your past … and your child’s past … will never change. No one can un-speak the words they’ve spoken … or undo the things they’ve done. But there is still hope for the future! So learn to forgive your teen in the moment. Give up hope that the past could be different. And no matter what your teen throws at you today … never stop reaching out with love and forgiveness.

#538 – Student Story: Robert With new laws in place, alcohol and marijuana are easier to get ahold of now than ever before. So, how can parents prepare their teens to navigate this world of temptations? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston addresses the reality of drug and alcohol use in teens and shows parents how to respond.

#2044 Setting goals is an effective way to achieve desired results. So Mom, Dad … what are your goals as a parent? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. In my opinion, parents these days spend too much time trying to make their kids happy … and too little time helping them grow up. A parent’s job isn’t to be liked … or to bribe their kids into loving them by providing “stuff” on demand. Mom and dad shouldn’t let teens do whatever they want … or try to “relate” by overlooking bad behavior. Instead, parents should focus on helping their children mature … and leading them to embrace godly thinking and godly actions. So let me ask the question again: What are your goals as a parent? When you know your objective … you’ll be much more likely to hit it.

#2043 When life gets hard, we often want to retreat … to take a break and regroup. It’s natural! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. You and I know what it’s like to want to escape after a particularly hard day at work. And our teens are the same way. When pressures at school, bullying from classmates, or living in a confusing culture all weigh down our kids … sometimes they just want to retreat into a cave. Mom and Dad, we can help here. We can provide a home that’s safe and free of the extra pressures your teen feels on a daily basis. Of course, we shouldn’t shield them from everything … nor should we encourage timidity or laziness. But we do want to create a place where teens can process the hardships … and feel loved no matter what.

#2042 Parents often ask me if they should share their past with their teen. They say, “Won’t that just encourage them to repeat the mistakes I made?” In my experience, I’ve found just the opposite to be true. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. More than ever, kids today are in desperate need of honest parents who are willing to be vulnerable in sharing their own failures. Teens have a lot to gain from hearing how their parents handled or mishandled decisions at 13, 15 or 17 years of age. And what they learned from those mistakes. By revealing your brokenness, you demonstrate the end result of making bad decisions. Plus, hurting people are often drawn to the brokenness they sense in another. So sharing your own story gives your teen a safe place to admit their own shortcomings. Mom and Dad, don’t be afraid to share your past with your teen!

#2041 Most parents are devastated when they learn that their teen has been drinking booze, experimenting with sex, or participating in some other destructive behavior. But how you react in that moment has the power to define your relationship in years to come. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Any time a child’s misbehavior is exposed, their greatest fear is that they will no longer be loved. So if you catch your teen red- handed … don’t withdraw your affection. Instead, slip a note under her door. Stick a letter in her notebook. Or send her a text message that says, “We love you just as much today as the day you arrived in our family.” Because what she needs right now more than anything else are words and actions that affirm your relationship. She needs your unconditional love!

#2040 Ever watch a baby bird leave the nest for the first time? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Baby humans go through a similar process… though you wouldn’t recognize it at first. It typically involves things like staying out late, pushing boundaries, or hanging out with the wrong crowd. So if your teen is making some poor choices with their newfound freedom … take comfort in knowing that it’s sort of a good thing. It means they’re stretching their wings and preparing to fly. Sometimes these “first flights” are painful for parents to watch, especially when they make several failed attempts. Just be sure you’re there to offer encouragement for a better flight next time … whenever your wounded teen wobbles back to the nest.

#537 – Student Story: Ronin No amount of after-school activities, social clubs, sports programs or music lessons can replace the education and life skills gained at work. But most kids aren’t terribly eager to start punching the clock! This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston discusses the importance of teen jobs.

#2039 Take some dirt, drop in a seed, add some water … and wait. Eventually, you’ll grow a harvest! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Now, I don’t make a living growing food … but I do know the basic process. Plant, tend, wait, harvest. And you know what? That’s a great process for parenting, too. Mom and Dad will spend years planting seeds of truth and character in their children. They’ll continue to “water” the good values throughout the seasons. But during the teen years … after the sowing but before the harvest … parents are easily discouraged. That’s when I want to point you to Galatians 6:9. It says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” So, parents … don’t give up! Your harvest will one day come … in healthy, well-adjusted adults.

#2038 One time, a dad asked me why his discipline methods had stopped being effective. He said, “They worked on me when I was a kid. I mean, you train horses the same way you did a hundred years ago, don’t ya?” Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Well, he had a point. Except horses haven’t changed much over the last ten thousand years. But teens have … because the world they live in is completely different from the way it was even twenty years ago. Culture has changed. Styles have changed. Technology has changed. Opportunities have changed. Relationships have changed. Need I say more? Our kids are growing up in a different world than the one we knew. And what worked for us back then just doesn’t work anymore. Are you relying on outdated parenting methods? Always be ready to adapt to your child’s changing needs.

#2037 Today’s moms and dads are so worried about being friends with their kids … they’ve forgotten how to be parents! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. I’ve seen parents get so lax with their kids that they look more like buddies than parents. I like to call them “peer-ents.” But in my experience, their children grow up to be selfish, demanding, and aggressively controlling adults. Good luck finding friends then! So how can we be parents … not “peer-ents”? Being a parent means you’re willing to exert some authority. You still know how to have fun … but you’re not afraid to put your foot down when needed. Because if you won’t fill that parental role, your kid will look for a role model elsewhere. Hey, your teen has plenty of friends—they don’t need any more! Mom, Dad … be a parent!

#2029 It’s normal for your teen to make immature decisions. But if he or she has started making self- destructive choices … it’s time to get some outside help. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Divorce, abuse, a death in the family, or childhood trauma … just about anything can trigger a sudden explosion during adolescence. Most teens haven’t developed the skills they need to handle their emotions. So they turn to dangerous and destructive behaviors in an effort to dull the pain. I know that moms and dads feel crushed by such behavior from their teen. But sometimes only a professional counselor can bring the underlying cause to the surface. Have you noticed a drastic change in your child’s behavior? You can’t afford to wait! Get your teen the help he needs today.

#2028 Years ago, Jan and I had several teen boys living in our home. Based on the state of their bathroom, I could tell they needed to learn an important life lesson. So I said, “From now on, you need to clean your own toilet and bathroom. Otherwise, you’ll lose it!” Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Unfortunately, the mess got even worse. So one day I just took the entire toilet out! Pretty soon, the smell was too much … even for them. So they came to me and pleaded, “What can we do to get our toilet back?” In return for a new toilet, the boys cleaned all the bathrooms in the house for a few months. It taught them how to take care of things. But more importantly, they learned that when you break a rule, you pay the consequence.

#2027 When life gets hectic, it’s tempting to give our kids the leftovers of our time. But our priorities should really be the other way around. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Hey, I’m right there with you. We’re all busy people who carry the weight of a thousand different responsibilities. But your family needs your time more than they need anything else. And trust me on this: You’ll never hear someone at the end of their life say, “I wish I had spent more time in the office.” Or, “If only my child had taken more clarinet lessons.” But you will hear parents say, “I wish I’d spent more time with my family.” So don’t live with regrets. Throw off the need to be busy 24-7, and grab hold of what truly matters most. Give your son and daughter your time.

#2026 What if the last thing you said to your son today … were the last words you ever spoke to him? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. A sobering thought, isn’t it? No one wants to be remembered for nagging remarks or a judgmental spirit. I realize that not everything you have to tell your kids will be positive. But you can still compliment your child every day. Tell your son he’s not an intrusion in your life. Tell your daughter that conversations with her are the best part of your day. Or try this powerful phrase my friend Chelsea tells her children: “Even on your messiest day, my life wouldn’t be as good without you.” Affirmations like this speak right to your teen’s heart. And the loving words from mom or dad are what we hope they’ll remember long after we’re gone.