Parenting Today’s Teens

#1980 Ever seen the “Keep Out!” sign on your teen’s door? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. No parent wants to be pushed out of their child’s life. But moms and dads should understand that the preteen years mark a transition … from a world of positive ideals to an atmosphere of toxic attitudes. Kids often don’t know how to push away the negative influences entering their lives. So in an effort to protect themselves, they begin to close off the entry points to their heart. The welcome mat that used to be at the door of your child’s heart gets replaced with that “Keep Out” sign. Mom, Dad … ignoring your child is not an option. As your child goes through this confusing transition, don’t pry … and don’t be obnoxious. Tread lightly. Above all, keep moving toward him or her with love, grace and relationship.

#525 – Student Story: Matt  Some days, parenting feels like an endless game of tug-of-war—and neither side is willing to relent! So how should parents respond when teens start fighting for control? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston helps parents end the battle of wills and strategically relinquish control to their teens. 

It’s one of the biggest mistakes a parent can make. Can you guess? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Rules and consequences. It’s never easy to find the sweet spot between the two. Which is probably why I’ve seen so many families avoid the issue altogether … and never establish a clear system in their home. One of my friends, Dr. Shannae Anderson, said this on a recent radio program: “Teenagers need to push against something to propel them out into the world. If there are no boundaries around them, they’ll never have the internal equipment to be able to live a responsible, healthy life.” And boy, did she hit the nail on the head! When you communicate boundaries with love and patience … you give your teen the tools they need to become mature, independent adults.

Ever had your boss ask you to come into his office for a “chat”? Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. It’s awful. That awkward and intimidating stroll into a threatening setting. You know you’re there for one reason. Criticism. Yuck! No one likes to hear about failure and letting the boss down. And guess what? It’s no different for teens. Parents wonder why kids can’t wait to flee the household … to hang out with friends. Or park in front of a computer screen to play video games. Hey, sometimes they’re trying to escape the disapproval they feel from teachers, peers … and parents, too. Would your teen see your home as a place of rest? Or just another source of criticism? Hey, it’s okay to take a break. Lighten up. Your teen will thank you.

Recently, one of my good friends asked, “Mark, what does my teen need from me?” Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. My answer was, “They need you to be imperfect.” Not what you were expecting, right? Let me explain. Teens long to connect, engage, and have meaningful relationships. But here’s something I’ve realized after decades of working with kids. They don’t give a rip that I write books. They aren’t impressed that I speak around the country. And they couldn’t care less about my big mustache. But they do connect when I share my struggles, my hurts, and my stupid mistakes. So what does your teen need from you today? They need you to be imperfect. Because once you’re both on the same playing field, then true connection can flourish.

#524 – Student Story: N/A These days, everyone has an opinion to voice. But few people are willing to listen! This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston teaches parents the art of active listening. It’s a helpful lesson on developing better communication skills—and ultimately, a better relationship with your teen. 

I love what Miles Kington said about the difference between knowledge and wisdom. He said: “Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.” Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Right! Knowledge and wisdom are different. For moms and dads, it’s like teaching and training. For example, you can teach your teen how to paint her room. But until you hand over the brush and bucket of paint, all that knowledge is pointless! The training begins when your teen grabs hold of the brush and actually starts painting. So, are you living like a teacher or a trainer? Remember, our kids need to know important stuff. But nothing’s more valuable than wisdom. So hand your son or daughter the brush … and let the training begin

#1964 Do you realize that right now, you’re one of the star players on a team? I’m not talking about hockey or football. I’m talking about the home! Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Mom, dad … on your family’s team, you are one of the MVPs … and that stands for Most Valuable Parents. You guys are the dynamic duo. So when your family is heading toward a crisis … how can you make sure the team sticks together? First, present a united front to your children, and insist that they treat you both with respect. Second, don’t blame each other for the trouble you may be experiencing with your teen. And finally, as much as possible, make decisions about your teen together. Remember, parenting is a team sport … and you two are on the same team!

#1963 There’s no doubt about it … a family crisis can take a toll on even the most committed marriages. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Over the years, I’ve learned that family conflict has a tendency to amplify the true condition of a relationship. It doesn’t cause new problems, but merely calls attention to areas of existing weakness. If a family crisis is bringing to light the messier side of your marriage, here’s my advice: don’t expect your spouse to change. Instead, focus on changing yourself. When you make yourself stronger and healthier through things like counseling and spiritual growth … the environment in your home will change. So if you start seeing flaws in others, by all means … hope and pray for change. But don’t expect it. Because the only person you can change is you.

When a teenage son or daughter is careening in the wrong direction, the pain can bond parents together … or rip the seams of their marriage in two. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Naturally, parents want to help their teens when they’re in trouble. But they also want to know how to keep their marriage from taking the same turn. One thing I encourage husbands and wives to do is to build in some fun times together. No matter how stressful the situation with your teen is, it’s okay to still have fun. Especially with your spouse. Laugh and have fun together as often as you can … because there are many miles to go! So what are you doing tonight? Yes, tonight! Mom, dad … go have a little fun.

Have you ever gone through an exercise craze? You worked out every day for a while and started looking really buff, lean and mean. But as soon as you stopped … well, everything went downhill. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens. Now, I’m not here to give you exercise tips. But I see a big parallel between strength training and life training. Many parents believe that the lessons and principles they taught their kids during their elementary years will carry them through adolescence, into high school, and beyond. But that’s simply not the case. You have to stay in training mode the entire time! Never stop! Remember, exercise over a lifetime yields results. Not little spurts here and there. So continue to train your child in godliness and wisdom as they grow into adults.

#521 – Student Story: Meredith Wherever there’s a void, there’s a need to fill it—and the same is true with teens. Could your child’s bad behavior actually be driven by feelings of loss? This weekend on Parenting Today’s Teens, Mark Gregston discusses how parents can help their teens process trauma and grief in a healthy manner.

Once while I was at a teaching seminar, I sat down with the parents of a girl named Anna.  The people at church thought she was a wonderful young lady, and her small group leader loved her.  But at home, she screamed and cussed at her parents.  Something wasn’t matching up. Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.   After a couple of hours talking, I came to this conclusion:  Anna was rebelling against her parents’ strict boundaries.  She wasn’t allowed to watch TV, make phone calls, or go on the Internet.  And while those restrictions may have been appropriate when she was younger … by age fourteen, she’d outgrown such extreme measures of control.   Mom, dad, could high levels of confinement be pushing your teen to rebel?  Keep your household rules up-to-date and age-appropriate.

Moms and dads may have good intentions when they offer constructive criticism or advice.  But if it’s offered at the wrong time or in the wrong way … teens may take it as judgment.   Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.   Have you ever rolled your eyes at your daughter’s outfit?  Or used Scripture to reinforce household rules?  Or maybe even withheld a hug or smile after your son disappointed you?   We’ve all been guilty of these kinds of blunders.  But we should make every effort to avoid them … because these belittling actions are signs of a judgmental spirit.  And few things will shut down a teen faster than judgment. Matthew 7, verse 1 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.” So, let’s display grace in our actions and attitudes … and make our homes a safe place for our teens to grow.

A while back, I asked a group of teens this question:  “Do you think your parents want perfection in you?”   Hi, I’m Mark Gregston … with Parenting Today’s Teens.   Parents want to motivate their kids.  I get it.  But sometimes, our verbal teasing translates into a demand for perfection.   Here’s one of the answers I got.  A teen told me “I brought home some grades I was proud of, and my mom started complaining that I could do better, I wasn’t living up to my potential, and I needed to work harder.” Wow, those are painful words to hear.  In thirty seconds … this mom took all the wind out his sails.   Don’t allow your own expectations to infringe on your most cherished relationship.  Are you communicating a perfectionist mindset?   Show your teen the grace and love they really need.