Thought Cops

Strap on and strap in, the Thought Cops are joined by adult performer Charlotte Sartre this week, AKA Goth Charlotte! Show her some love by supporting her on OnlyFans.com. And you can always support us by: Support the show on Patreon Charlotte tells us about all of the "C-words" in her line of work, and how it's just best in general not to be a total C-word. We agree. We also talk about how "Top ___ Of The Year" lists give us fleeting purpose in this crazy world. After all, we haven't made any progress in the last 10 years. Louis CK is back in the news. We're tired of talking about him. So instead we'll focus our energy on the Monterey Bay Aquarium and their calculated takedown of an innocent otter who may or may not have a weight problem but is beautiful no matter what because all otters are beautiful. We also learn that otter means something else, too. "PewDiePie attacks Lilly Singh with 'Big Chungus' meme." Again, we haven't made any progress in the last 10 years. The best thing about Thought Cops? You can do the Bird Box Challenge while you listen! So make sure to subscribe to us on iTunes, and THEN put the blindfold on. You'll be in for a real treat. Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361. It'll probably get on the show. We'll see you next time for Episode 100. Thanks everyone.

Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by three-peat champion Asterios Kokkinos! Asterios is a comedian from New York, and the host of 48,000 podcasts you can all find in the Asterios Kokkinos Podcast Factory. Support the show on Patreon It's the start of a new year, which means we've brought all of last year's problems over the threshold to ruin everyone's internet experience one obnoxious post at a time. This week, we go apprehend people over too much AOC spam, the social media depression hole, Chris Rock's n-word controversy, and Soulja Boy's failed video game console. We also get weirded the fuck out by Kevin Spacey's newest viral video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZveA-NAIDI Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Happy new year, mother fuckers.

iTunes: Listen, subscribe, leave a review Welcome to Thought Cops! This week, we're joined by Larry Bleidner of That Larry Show! Support the show on Patreon Larry helps us attack the issues of the week, such as the Patreon debacle, all the lawsuits against Fortnite, Sweden's "man-free" music festival found guilty of discrimination, and a gender neutral Santa debate that doesn't really exist. We also spend two minutes of hate hating on "internet safety," Ted Cruz Beard Apologists, and Facebook Friends list purges. Don't forget to leave us a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Thanks again for listening, and HAPPY HOLIDAYS. ALL OF THE HOLIDAYS.

Konnichiwa, Coplings. Welcome to Case File 96 of Thought Cops, featuring Davepretendo, otherwise known by his alter ego Sephirothsword57. Support the show on Patreon https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mO2PJKKS2Q We walk back our comments on celebrity deaths by sticking it the the "celebrity death trolls" this week. How many times am I going to have to google "Adam Sandler dead", my fingers shaking on each key press, before I learn my lesson? Until you stop trolling me! A Sonic the Hedgehog movie is coming out, and we got our first look at the character design! Yeah, it sucks. But you probably didn't need me to tell you that. Though, Sonic has been drawn in much, much, much worse proportions before. It's awards season, so we're talking the Oscars and the Game Awards. Hope you scrubbed your social media presence over the last 15 years, because you might just lose your spot as a host like Kevin Hart did. Baby It's Cold Outside is back in the news. I feel like we just did an episode about this, around this time, last year. We'll probably talk about it again next year, too. Listen to the episode to see if there have been any changes since last year. You win a prize if you can "spot the difference"! We ride on through to some listener voicemails as well. Leave your own at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show. Come on, it's fun! Thanks again for listening, and please, take care of yourselves out there, would you?

Climb aboard, it's another episode of Thought Cops! This week we are joined by Chicago comedians Aaron Klopfer and Brianna Murphy, and we try very hard to stay on task. Results may vary, but you won't complain now, will you? Support the show on Patreon This week, we tackle celebrity deaths. The ones that matter, at least. We (Grant) get mad at our phones for not doing what we tell them to do. Darn those things. A CALL TO ARMS: The war on porn has begun. Tumblr has started censoring all adult content (which naturally, the algorithm attempts to wildly guess at) and Starbucks bans porn sites from their wifi. No room for cream with that order. PETA goes whole-hog (bagel) on speech policing, and offers some animal-friendly language instead. We go over some key phrases you should use instead of saying "I'm bringing home the bacon" like you're in some 90s sitcom. Being vegetarian must be hard, when science says you should only eat six fries in one sitting. As always, we play your listener voicemails as well! Leave your own at 312-788-7361, and you're gonna like the way you sound. We guarantee it. Thank you to the wonderful dude2o for editing this episode, and all following episodes. These episodes should speak for themselves if you are looking for any audio editing work: hit him up. #AllNecksMatter

Garrett Hunter from Mega64 touches down this week to help us do what we do best every week- dish out divine justice to those who mildly irritate us. Support the show on Patreon In this episode, dedicated to Gamer-Americans everywhere, we discuss the disappointment that is the PlayStation Classic. However, we also reminisce on the good times. Lego Island, anyone? You guys play that one? An absolute gem. So. They did surgery on a grape. Ahem. Well, not exactly. But, we go to excruciating lengths to show you just how unfunny the internet can be. Speaking of: #ThotAudit. Not going to elaborate any further, just listen to the episode. Laura Loomer handcuffs herself to twitter HQ to make them bring back animated avatars. Science tells us that your "doggo" might not be as smart as you think, and young Gamer-Americans are being shipped off to rehab facilities in what parents describe as a "Fortnite addiction" phenomenon! We get to listener voicemails as well. You can even leave your own at 312-788-7361, and we'll play it on the show! Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week!

We're expecting! A new episode, that is. Get your sex pumpkins ready everyone because Lakembra of Hard Men Working Hard joins us from down under this week! Support the show on Patreon The Proud Boys need a new leader, but will Augustus Gloop be the boy to lead them to victory against lesbian Thanksgiving parades? Tune in to find out! We also discuss the hilarious cut content of W*nnie the P*oh from the Chinese release of Kingdom Hearts 3. It's like he was never really there, seriously folks. Speaking of not being all there, Logan Paul "comes out of the closet" this week (wait for it) as a flat earther. But, will his new friends accept him for his checkered past and rancid personality traits? We also get to your listener voicemails and more, so don't forget to be a part of the conversation by calling us at 312-788-7361. We promise we won't pick up the phone, just leave us a voicemail and we'll listen to it while we are on the air, and no sooner. Because that's how dedicated we are to being professional.

Wee-oo wee-oo! It's a classic-flavored episode, with Grant and Kevin kicking asses, taking names, and recording a podcast! Support the show on Patreon Kevin returns again from California to talk about Mega64 GameDays, and a live vieiwng of the Rubin Report. LA, baby, you never know what you're gonna get. We've also got a special message from good boy Rocco Botte of Mega64 that you'll want to hear. You know, some people have said that listening to Thought Cops is as addicting as cocaine. Scientists said it. And they'd be right, too. Here's the link to the "Fallout 76 presents an evening with Rick and Morty, featuring Ninja and Logic" articles and videos we mentioned in the episode. Detective Pikachu goes cliff-diving into the uncanny valley this week and shocks the internet, no pun intended. Actually fuck it, yeah that's what I meant. Anyone playing that new game? Stan Lee passed away this week, and the internet stopped at nothing to uncover what they could about the man who pretty much lived and died by cameo appearances. Live long and prosper, Mr. Lee. So, if you think that this show is as wacky as Danny DeVito, or Jeff Goldbum, or Nicolas Cage, leave us a voicemail! 312-788-7361. We'll play it on the show, and show you we're a bit random here as well.

Welcome to episode 91 of Thought Cops! Support the show on Patreon This week, we're joined by fellow Chicago podcast host Steven Russell Butch from the show Everything Must Go! You can find him on Twitter and Instagram. Steven helps us fight internet crime such as peoples' inability to understand basic statistics, Youtube comment section sob stories, and No-Nut November. We also nab this week's biggest internet outrage perps, Pete Davidson, Matt Christman from Chapo Trap House, Mr. Game and Watch, Tyler Perry's Madea, and a 65 year old man who identifies as 20 years younger. Thanks to everyone for listening, don't forget to leave us an iTunes review, a voicemail at 312-788-7361, and check out our Patreon page for bonus episodes and more.

Ahoy, and welcome aboard S.S. Thought Cops. Support the show on Patreon This week, we are joined by Chicago comedian Alex Prevolos of the comedy group The Storefront! They're always doing lots of cool things, so be sure to check them out! Here's our Shrek Fest video we mentioned in the episode if you haven't seen it already: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3Ase1P-K2g If you are a subscriber on Patreon, a new episode of our other show Fire Bros released this week! You're not gonna wanna miss this one, and for just $2, it's all yours! We've also beefed up our $10 Patreon tier, so feel free to bump up your subscriptions if you'd like. Sorry, maybe that was a bit of a weird flex. But... OK? Kanye is back on twitter, and he says he's been bamboozled! That's right- hornswaggled! Tampered with! Tricked!!! He's been Smeckledorfed! Well, it comes to an end, now. The only way possible: with Rick and Morty memes. Ben and Jerry's released a new ice cream called "Pecan Resist" this week. This is sure to change everything. Halloween may be over, but that can only mean one thing. That's right: post-Halloween problematic costume backlash! You're not gonna believe this one folks, so stay tuned. As always, we got some HOT listener voicemails for ya. And hey, go ahead and leave your own at 312-788-7361. Thanks for listening! Oh yeah, subscribe to us on YouTube.

Happy Hangover-ween, everyone! Ugh. Support the show on Patreon Alcohol- is it good or bad? You listen to this episode and be the judge. We partied a little too hard on pre-Halloween weekend, and look at what's become of us. Thank you Zwick and GUMSHOE Niko for coming along for the ride. This week, Justin Bieber eats a burrito the wrong way, and the internet loses it's mind! Who gives a fuck. Apu is set to leave The Simpsons and Springfield behind, and Elon Musk is forced to face his age with the age old question: what are your dankest memes? Remember when we used to binge-eat candy on Halloween instead of binge-drinking cheap liquor? I don't anymore.

Internet legend Lowtax joins us this week! The creator of Something Awful, Gaming Garbage, and Murder the Internet lends us his many years of online outrage expertise to help dish out divine justice to those who mildly annoy us. Support the show on Patreon It's Halloween time. So get ready for an influx of skeleton gifs and "2 spoopy" culture that's almost too cute to step all over, but fuck it, that's why we're here. To take a page out of Kleenex's book: this episode is Man-Sized. Lawsuits against comedians have been all the rage this year, and now fellow podcast host (yes we just held you in the same regard as us) Will Menaker of Chapo Trap House is being sued by former Trump Adviser Jason Miller for likening him to a "rat face baby killer." We can't determine if that meant he looked like he killed rat-faced babies, or if he was a baby killer who had a rat face. I suppose it doesn't matter. It's a bad time to be a nameless character wandering around a town in a JRPG, because twitter has begun banning the "NPC meme". If you told me this sentence a year ago, I'd laugh. If you told it to me today, I'd cry. Did I do it on the episode? Listen and find out. Oh yeah. We talk about Gritty. Thanks to everyone who left us a voicemail: 312-788-7361. You can also participate on-air in the live chat every week by donating to us on Patreon. See you next week!

Your two favorite playable-character hosts are back! The Thought Cops are on the beat! Support the show on Patreon We are joined by Deputy Peter who lends us his side of the emotional labor in this year's edition of "Halloween Costumes That Might Be Awkward To Show Up At A Party In". Deputy Niko stops by to chime in as well! Taylor Swift broke her political silence this week. And we've been waiting on pins and needles to offer our opinions on the matter. At last, you can hear them on this episode. We also talk about Alec Baldwin coming down with a nasty case of consumption (read: irony poisoning), and the ill-advised "#HimToo" movement. This is why we can't have nice things (heard a funny character in Anchorman say this line, thought I'd try it out here) For more hilarious content, stick around for fan voicemails, and be sure to leave your own at 312-788-7361. We do this every damn week! Thanks everyone for your continued support of the show, and don't forget to follow us on twitch for all kinds of "heated gaming moments" as well, such as trying to find the last three music notes in a Banjo-Kazooie stage. Jesus.

Hold on tight. That's right. We're back. And we're joined by Mike Mancini of the Black Sheep, once again! Mike talks about the Black Sheep's newest interactive video series "Comment Below". Have a look for yourself and join in on the fun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6booYtjl4m8 We reached our first stretch goal on Patreon! Thank you so much to all who donate, and if ya haven't? You're missin' out on the live discord chats, and if this episode is any indication, things can get a little heated. Speaking of heat (*high fives self*), we also released a new episode of our Patreon-exclusive spin-off podcast "Fire Bros"! We discuss whether or not certain media is safe for public consumption... or if it it should be scorched from this plane of existence. This month we dig through Shovel Knight, Glow, Gurren Lagann, and Incredibles 2. Feelings may get hurt along the way this time. Stay tuned. Grant talks about his near-death experience with a uniquely "handicapped" uber driver. Kevin discusses /our guy/ guys, and Mike tells us why everyone's fat ass thought this episode was a chicken nugget. Speaking of near death experiences (*high fives my friends*), we discuss the man in the purple hoodie, "Cuck Norris". Honestly, you just need to see this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7SqtIe5rZQ The "Curvy Wife" guy tries to sue Babe.net, and virtual idol Kizuna aims to take down Logan and Jake Paul. This sounds like some Skynet type shit, but honestly fuck those guys, it's worth it. Thanks for all of the 312-788-7361 voicemails (we play them) and for the 5-star reviews (we read them). This show is fueled by interactivity, so make sure to get in the action and leave a voicemail and review! (*high fives YOU*)

Put on your Super Crowns and strap in for another episode of Thought Cops! This week we're joined by our show's own Stenographer, who is fortunate enough to work in a place where they don't print off memes and stick them on the fridge. Bow before her power and might. This episode, we talk about memes in the wild, THAT being a thing, and the long anticipated rant on the Kiki Challenge. You're gonna be glad we waited for this one. We also talk about sexy Handmaid's Tale Halloween costumes, Drake's grooming services, and last but definitely not least BOWSETTE. Talk about a sexy Halloween costume. We also just released episode 5 of our monthly bonus episode Fire Bros! Check it out here. And a BIG, big thanks to all our supporters on Patreon. We're almost at our first goal of $100 a month! The support has helped us pay for hosting, pay for equipment, and pay for gas money to go on trips like these: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_3Ase1P-K2g