HealingLives with Corey Gilbert

Episode 33 - Conversation #4 with Mylie - Two Genders       Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:    www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.     Episode 32 - Influences & Idols   Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:   www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

Episode 31 - My 3rd Conversation with Mylie - Honoring Parents       Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:   www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.     Bullying Is your son or daughter a bully or being bullied? Were you bullied as a kid, or were you a bully?   I know that these are not the only two options, but it seems like the case.   A better question to ask of ourselves is whether our son or daughter is a leader or a follower.   A follow-up question is, if they are a leader, where are they leading others — toward good or evil?   If they are a follower, are they discerning as to who they follow and what they will do? No one wants to see their child bullied and most of us hope that our child will not resort to bullying, which is an indicator of weakness and immaturity. Instead, we want to teach them to be discerning in who they follow and in how they lead others.   We should attempt to inspire our children to be defenders of the weak and voiceless, so that they will stand up for what is right, speak out against evil, and be change agents for good. Based on how our children manage social media, smartphones, and entertainment, we have a clue as to how they will handle this responsibility.   A key role we play as parents is in how we treat other people in our lives.   How do you respond when a coach doesn’t treat your child the way you think they should?   Do you become belligerent and aggressive?   Do you speak critically of other children, adults, or teachers in your child’s life, which they pick up on and then mimic your disrespectful tone and stance?   Could they pick up on your prejudice toward minorities and act on that?   Parents need to engage with their children on these topics before they become an issue. It may seem like you do not need to have this conversation, but many parents are shocked to find that the behavior of their children away from home or online is quite different from what they portray to their parents.   Do not let yourself believe that your son or daughter would never bully someone else and so never speak to them about it. Don’t assume that your child isn’t being bullied because they don’t tell you. Be the initiator of micro-conversationsthat take place day after day, week after week, so that your beliefs have weight with them and they know they can trust you.   Social Media Today, most of us use social media in some way. Many people, though, do NOT use this tool appropriately. It is a venue for posting lies, comparing experiences, and feeling jealousy and hatred toward themselves and others.   Social media etiquette and ethics must be taught prior to our children having access.There should be micro-conversationsabout what one ought to post, and what is questionable. They need to be taught to distinguish between what is true and what might be a lie. They need to know that it can be misused, abused, and part of illegal activity.   Many teenagers and parents do not realize that naked pictures of yourself when you are under the age of eighteen is child pornography. Period!   Both the sender and the recipient may be liable for having these pictures on their device. It is critical that our children know this beforehand so that they do not have to deal with the consequences after the fact.   It is imperative that you impress upon your children in your day-to-day conversations that anything posted online or sent via email or text, is public and can come back to haunt them in the future.   The truth of the matter is that too many kids have killed themselves over what others have posted about them in a public forum or sent to them privately via social media. Social media has become another venue that a bully uses to harass your child. Teach them while they are young to think about the persona they are portraying online in ALL they do.   Teach them to be alert for others that are being bullied and to be the young man or woman that stands up for those being harmed. Teach them to use social

Join me in my 2nd conversation with Mylie about a story of Talia from the Lies Little Girls Believe.      Link to Book on Amazon:   https://amzn.to/3ITaePV       

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.     Intimacy Challenged And Redefined Consider the impact of these video clips on a viewer’s understanding and framework for what is healthy between a man and woman in marriage. This assumes that a biblical sexual ethic is vocally being taught in your home. This is not successfully accomplished with lectures and the degrading of others’ choices, but through micro-conversationsover time that lead to your son or daughter making up their mind to choose God’s design for marriage and intimacy.   Imagine how their intimacy will be affected after a few years of viewing pornography. Imagine the impact that the constant download of video clips into their brains over the course of years will have on them if they decide to marry. How will pornography influence their view of how they should treat their “love” and/or how they should be treated? This is HUGE!   This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.   Is the use of pornography okay in marriage as a marriage aid? Is it okay to use sexual toys, dildos, props, sexy lingerie? Is it okay to engage in anal sex or mutual masturbation? Is it okay to “swing” with other couples? Where are the lines? Does the Bible have anything to say on this subject?   It is important to know where you stand on these issues so that you can have micro-conversationsthat guide your growing children. The Lord entrusted them to you so that you can raise them up “in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6 NKJV).   Sex Over Relationship A final aspect to consider is where pornography puts sex in comparison to relationship. Sex trumps relationship. Relationships require time, patience, managing differences, having conversations, and compromise. Sex requires almost nothing. A lonely future awaits our children if they buy into the belief that sex is “no big deal.” If you have ever watched video clips of porn or XXX movies, then you know that there is always something important missing in each encounter, despite the drama and cinematic wizardry. It is all “doing” and completely void of intimacy and relationship. This is a million miles away from God’s design. It is not about the bigger orgasm, longer foreplay, or the experience of ecstasy. Sex was meant to bring together a husband and wife to do three things — yes three things — provide pleasure, protection, and procreation.   Scripture is clear about our hearts, our minds, our eyes, and our bodies.Here are a few samples:   Job 31:1 “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look with lust at a young woman” (NLT).   Proverbs 5:18–20 “Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love. Why be captivated, my son, by an immoral woman, or fondle the breasts of a promiscuous woman?” (NLT).   Proverbs 6:32 “But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys himself” (NLT).   Matthew 5:27–28 “You have heard the commandment that says, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart’” (NLT).   Matthew 6:22–23 “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light. But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!” (NLT).   Romans 13:13–14 “Because we belong to the day, we must live decen

In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his son Alex discuss a range of topics from the ads/album covers on Spotify, to evaluating the lyrics of a song and the pornography inside of music videos.  They discuss temptation, the importance of accountability, and the importance of knowing what your children are listening to and helping them to be able to make decisions about what they should view or listen to on their own.    Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:    www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.   In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses why it is imperative that parens have conversations with their children, while they are young about what is and is not okay regarding nudity, images, and video.  He also discusses how to handle a conversation with your child when you realize that they have been exposed to pornography. For many of our children, the first time they view pornography they will not see a naked picture like many of us did. They are viewing videos of gross and abusive scenes that most of us would consider horrifying. How can we limit the attraction and draw of this powerful drug? TALK ABOUT IT! Be honest regarding its impact on YOUR heart and relationships. Explain that it distorts love, intimacy, and peace. Talk about your own struggles when they are mature enough to handle it. I know that can be tricky. Be honest. Be real. Be candid. Pornography rewires the brain for novelty. It makes the ability to settle down with one spouse and find satisfaction nearly impossible. Today’s pornography is more shocking, abusive, and disturbing than ever before. It lacks true intimacy, yet the viewer is drawn in by the skin, bodies, and freedom that many wish for.     Nudity has a place and a context biblically. It is reserved for marriage between one man and one woman. Outside of that protective relationship, nudity decreases in value, is cheapened, and erodes. Ironically, our culture sees this as freedom. It isn’t though. It is bondage.     This is why it is SO important that we become the small voice in our children’s developmental years to create a healthy framework for marriage and intimacy. They need to be able to recognize healthy touch so that they can discern abuse in all its forms. This requires that we be willing to “go there” and have thought through our own beliefs on the subject.     Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:    www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

In this episode, Dr. Gilbert and his daughter Mylie discuss the Lies Girls Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free bible study that she has been doing with her mom and other mothers and daughters from their church.  They discussed the "Girl Drama Quiz" from the book and other resources that accompany this one from Dannah Gresh and Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth.     Link to Amazon Book:   https://amzn.to/3ITaePV   

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.  In this episode, Dr. Gilbert shares some ideas of what should you do if your son or daughter expresses they have attractions toward the same-sex Have conversations that are shaping of their worldview, but not demanding that they conform, or feel something they do not feel. The more that these feelings and attractions can be processed verbally and not in the subconscious operating system, the better. This could be with you, a caring Christian counselor, a mentor, or a teacher. What you and your child believe about love matters. Some people’s definition of love means that others cannot use their own discernment, make judgments, or question anything they do. This person will seldom see growth or maturity. Other people have a definition of love that allows others to use their own discernment, challenge them, and disagree. This person will experience growth and enjoy their relationships.  Which of these is biblical? I would have to say the latter one. God loves us so much that He does NOT let us stay as we are, but expects growth, maturity, and sacrifice so that we become more and more like Christ every day. The first definition of love demands its own way and is looking out only for itself — not the other person. So, what does care and compassion look like? Think of it this way: You are playing the long game.They may not be willing to listen to you today, so remain in their life, listen, be compassionate, show genuine care for them. Playing the long game is staying “in relationship” so that when their life falls apart — and it does in everyone’s story — you are there and have been there as a constant reminder of God’s love.   Be consistent in your love for them. Wait expectantly for an opening to enter a new level of relationship where they may listen to you for the first time. Be present, even if it is uncomfortable. Choose your battles wisely, ruled by God’s love for them, and with care and compassion. What is this compassion? It is a breaking heart for someone you deeply love. It is patience. It is endurance. It is the long game.     Order my new International Best Selling book by clicking here:    www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

In this episode Dr. Gilbert and his son Alex discuss the responsibilities that come with having a smartphone, how their family approaches this topic, and the importance of communication between parents and children.   If you have questions, join my free facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thehealthymarriage  

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.  In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses same-sex attraction. Some research points out that more than twenty-five percent of adolescents will struggle with their sexual identity during their teenage years.  He addresses the common questions: Is attraction to the same sex a sin? Is arousal sin?  How much weight should "attraction" be given in any of our relationships? For some of us, our children are going to go through this struggle. A word of caution — be careful about how you love and encourage them in this process. They probably already know your thoughts, opinions and judgments regarding homosexuality. They do not need that. They need space, questions, care, touch, and leadership.You will hopefully still have permission to lead them — at least somewhat — so take what you can at this stage. Prayerfully walk with them, offering guidance through these struggles and questions. I would encourage you to read the thoughtful books written by Dr. Mark Yarhouse and Dr. Preston Sprinkle for a compassionate Christian viewpoint.   Order Dr. Gilbert's book for parents at: www.drcoreygilbert.com/books 

In this episode, Dr. Gilbert's son Blaize, who is 11, joins the podcast for the first time.  They discuss video games, screen time limits, and the importance of each family intentionally thinking through how they want to handle this in their home.  They also discuss the importance of children developing their own relationship with Christ.   If you have questions, join my free facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/thehealthymarriage

Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic.    Real People We Love In this episode, Dr. Gilbert discusses the importance of recognizing the foundation for our sexual ethic and honestly evaluating if that ethic is informed by scripture.   God has a perfect design for sex and intercourse, and that is in a heterosexual marriage. Teaching this to our children is critical. Living this out is imperative. We also need to explain to our children why we believe as we do, so that they can, in turn, lead others toward good things, not condemn them. We ought to be full of love, grace, compassion, care — even worry — and then reach out a helping hand and be patient for God to do His work in the lives of those we are serving, in His time, and in His manner. We are just called to be faithful. Your theology matters. Your beliefs about homosexuality matter.  What does Scripture say about homosexuality? There are five passages that specifically mention homosexuality, but these Scripture passages are quickly twisted and manipulated to mean something different from a traditional ethic. At this point using these passages for any debate or argument becomes difficult. What I personally choose to do is to stick to a biblical sexual ethic in a more general sense. Scripture clearly limits sexual relationships to one single place — between a man and a woman - within the committed marriage bed. There is no other place for genital sexual expression. This confirms a sexual ethic that answers questions about homosexuality. Genital sexual experiences are never permissible with the same sex.  A biblical sexual ethic rests in scriptures such as these:  Naked and Unashamed—Genesis 2:24–25 “This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Now the man and his wife were both naked, but they felt no shame” (NLT).  Her Breasts—Proverbs 5:19: “She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love” (NLT).  Lust = Adultery—Matthew 5:28: “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (NLT).  Become One Flesh—Matthew 19:4-6: “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” (NIV).  Remain Single—Better to Marry than to Burn — 1 Corinthians 7:8–9: “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion” (NIV).  Sexual Immorality—Mathew 15:19: “For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander” (NLT).  Acts 15:19–20: “It is my judgment, therefore, that we should not make it difficult for the Gentiles who are turning to God. Instead we should write to them, telling them to abstain from food polluted by idols, from sexual immorality...” (NIV).  1 Corinthians 6:18–20: “Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body” (NLT).  1 Corinthians 7:2–7: “But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have aut

In this episode, Dr. Gilbert has his son Alex join him again as they continue to discuss the importance of having regular conversations with your children on the issues surrounding sexuality and the importance of being part of a healthy community.