FBi's Fire Up!

Joel Monaghan and man's best friend (with benefits); Russell Crowe sets sail towards more failed dreams; Paul Gallen starring in The Four Nations is... "The White Kumul" - aiming to become PNG's Dian Fossey; the Kiwis introduce the Director's Cut - Extended edition of the haka (with never before seen deleted scenes); Magistrate Jacqueline Milledge continues the fine tradition of not making sense while sentencing rugby league players; join the off-season fun at http://www.facebook.com/fireuprugbyleague

Brett Stewart shares an aura with the Queen; Jamal Idris attacked with a Samurai sword at a Foster family gathering (that's in Foster, not a Foster family); Idris' heritage is shockingly revealed as Afro-japa-diginal; Rabs in doubt for the Grand Final - is he going to call it with his dick?; Alfie Langer apologises, Michael Searle organises an All Stars tribute match; Stephen and Brett go toe-to-toe and hammer it out as they represent their respective teams ahead of the season decider...... it's our last show of the season (but look out for "Fire Up Summer Edition" coming soon to a podcast near you).

Rugby League begins a movement towards Parisian culture; Beau Ryan v Hitler; Matt Elliott's Ghandi-esque struggle continues; Luke Walsh has been sledged as a "white Karmichael Hunt"; Jarrod Croker to be sponsored by Luke Burt

Jonathan Thurston proves country kids can't handle the big city... or the Treasury Casino; No Twitter or Facebook in Townsville -- that's why we need a NBN; Willie Mason says he's drunkenly wrestled his teammates in Townsville "a hundred times"; Rugby League continues to forge developments in technology -- the portable hyperbaric chamber & space ice; And also develops the English language -- BIlly Slater introduces us to the word "tragical"; Baz Luhrmann to direct Inglis: The Tragical; Todd Carney is so pumped on adrenaline he "chills" on the couch; The reason Ghandi wasn't a very successful League player revealed.

Manly slump to eighth on the ladder; Souths crash out; The first Mad Monday celebratory costumes emerge; Two U-20s Roosters players follow their role model Nate Myles and dump everywhere but the toilet; Todd Carney guarantees success at the Dally Ms by taking his mum as his date (with Jake Friend as his driver)... Apologies for the shortened show, we'll be back to full blown three quarter of an hour hyperbole next week.

Just Do It - Ben Johnson, Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods... now Ryan Tandy; We bring you the words NOT printed in Cameron Smith's interview with the Tele; Aiden Tolman signs anything he's asked - the real story of the salary cap scandal revealed; The "Soft" XIII; Poultry In Motion; Melbourne will be finally taught what it feels like to be cheated on Mad Monday - they've been told they're going to Bali, but will actually end up in Darwin; Khoder Nasser to sign Mitchell Stevens: the man who can punch someone's ear off.

Mitchell Stevens - the Evander Holyfield of Rugby League; the Dragons trash a KFC; $onny Bill Williams goes skiing wearing a cardigan with a reindeer-design, do we need more proof Rugby Yawnion is SOFT; who is "Mr Rugby League"? David Gallop in a Miss January pose?; General Patten accidentally has sex; Israel Folau is a god in Tonga - no wonder they're in a mess

Rangas, donkeys, gherkins, the shooters party and “the woman” – league players’ views on the election; Lara Bingle achieves the impossible and improves the Kyle and Jackie O show; Quade Cooper – Secret Agent, should he be shot or will he come to league under the revived name of Sam Huihahau?; Brett hatches a devious plan to off Rusty Crowe Shakespeare style and relocate Souths to Port Moresby; Universities across Australia introduce the Diploma in Salary Cap.

Brett rubs Stephen's face in the Dragons' win, Hot Toddie Carney takes offence at people saying anything about him that's not extraordinary, Coach Elliott continues his new-age learning (but not the woo-woo stuff, just words from ancient sages), the Grinder app coming soon to rugby league: the Grub Alert goes 21st century, the great Rugby Union watching, Ape-acting Sam Huihahau inexplicably changes his name, Luke Covell bemoans leaving a culture of losing 14 games straight and cagefighting at Northies and Sting Bar, Brett Kenny tells modern players to "Harden Up"... something Tommy Raudonikis knows about only too well.

Sam Thaiday's mum, Julie, embodies the hatred we love in rugby league; Willie Mason proves everyone wrong, if by everyone, he means himself; Brett goads Stephen endlessly about the possibility of another Dragons choke; Stephen writes to Gallop attempting to get the word choke outlawed from the game, then straps on the white boots and gets a groin injection Changa Langlands style.

Rusty's Love Boat temptation to GI, Freddys genius 2009 plan 'to lose one, to win one' and Eric Suchy performs "The Day Eddy Pettybourne Broke His Jaw"

Ricky Stuart finally makes a decision for Ricky Stuart, by Ricky Stuart, and with the blessing of Ricky Stuart. We ask, is Paul Gallen the Dally Messenger of grubs (and should he be named a grub immortal), and dissect the Dictionary of Rugby League with a Professor of Rugby League Languages from the University of Western Sydney (Blacktown Campus, of course).

ShitStorm2 opens a whole new era of investigation: every suspect to be declared innocent if they refuse to talk to police. Matthew Elliott gets Zen on Deeprak Chopra's ass and proves he can let his mind go blank and "Bang!" he's gone. Souths: call us anytime you want to stop whinging.

Billy the cat strikes again, Europe and Rugby union sent Gasnier soft and No doz are no goes.

The dead rubber is upon us and Steve Price has decided he has the credentials to run the NRL, about as much chance as Lara going to law school. Hayne needs less shoes and more enlightenment and will Gasnier's tazo's make a return?