Back From The Borderline | BPD & CPTSD Recovery

On this episode of the podcast, I sit down with my new friend Lolly. You may very well already be familiar with her wife, Nicole LePera, known for her @theholisticpsychologist Instagram account (which has nearly 5 million followers to date). Lolly and Nicole built their platform together from the ground up out of their tiny apartment in Philadelphia. Today, The Holistic Psychologist brand has a thriving community, podcast, and best-selling book.**To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com ** Below are some of the concepts Lolly and I cover:    ■ The origin story of The Holistic Psychologist brand and community■ Spirituality (what it means to Lolly and the important role it plays in healing and recovery)■ The controversy behind the statement “our thoughts become things” ■ Binary thinking in today’s internet culture and the power, fear and responsibility that comes with having such a large mental health platform■ Addressing the criticism from some in the mental health community around Nicole and Lolly's idea of “self-healing”■ The severe lack of accessibility to mental health services (roadblocks, red tape, providers who don’t – or can’t afford to – take insurance) ■ Why mental health can’t be a one-size-fits-all approach (the importance of having access to different information/modalities outside the standard talk therapy + medication route)■ Lolly’s experience growing up with a mother with BPD traits and how she began to see the same patterns manifest within herself in adulthood■ Lolly & Mollie’s experiences with klonopin and xanax dependency (exploring psychiatric drug withdrawal) ■ The importance of nuanced thinking and the ability to hold two different realities at once■ What the rise of Web3 (Web 3.0) and decentralized networks could mean for mental health communities and creatives with BPD/complex trauma (discussion of Instagram’s deletion of the #bpd hashtag)■ The “struggle behind the scenes” epidemic (how social media tricks us into believing we’re the only ones suffering)■ Imposter syndrome (how no one really knows what the f*ck they’re doing)Connect with Lolly:@createvisions2day on IGtheholisticpsychologist.com Resources mentioned on today’s episode:YouTube | Mastering the Art of Manifesting (by Wayne Dyer)YouTube | Lewis Howes' Interview with Dr. Joe DispenzaGoodreads | Books by John Bradshaw Web 3.0 Basics:TedTalks | Decentralized Internet Easily ExplainedYouTube | NFTs Easily ExplainedYouTube | What is Web 3.0? See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Originally from Turkey, psychologist Barlas Günay has lived and worked around the world. He received his BA in psychology in the US, was in the Turkish army for a year, where he worked with soldiers who suffered from combat-related PTSD. He then applied for the University of Ontario’s clinical psychology graduate program, where he received his masters degree. He then practiced privately in Turkey before moving to the Netherlands, where he currently lives with his wife and new baby. He specializes in schema-focused therapy (SFT) and mindfulness techniques.Follow & support the podcast (& join the Discord recovery community): click hereTopics discussed on this episode include: ■ How emotions are viewed, expressed (and repressed) differently in various parts of the world ■ The demonization of emotions (the negative effects of labeling emotions as either good or bad and how to practice “accept and act”)■ How to know when not to react based upon our emotions and how to identify when our bodies are in fight or flight mode■ Why doing nothing is often the hardest thing to do■ How reading into micro-expressions and creating narratives in our minds about people’s behavior can cause unnecessary drama in our lives (i.e. waiting for a text back and assuming someone hates us/is never going to speak to us again)■ “Main character syndrome” and thinking the world revolves around us (how embracing “it’s not all about you” can radically transform our lives and relieve much of our self-inflicted pain) ■ How to tell if you’re interacting with others from the perspective of your True Self or through your “programming” (becoming conscious of when our “vulnerable inner child” takes hold) ■ How reenacting our childhood in adulthood keeps us stuck (and how to break out of this cycle) ■ Barlas’ own struggles with drugs and alcohol to cope with the pressures of perfectionism ■ How emotional dysregulation manifests in childhood and using schema therapy to empower the “healthy adult mode” within ourselves■ How to released repressed emotions (crying, anger work, etc.) ■ How to start seeing anger as your friend, not your enemy (the role abandonment rage plays in borderline personality disorder (BPD)■ How the belief that we are unlovable starts in infancy due to what Barlas describes as “magical omnipotence” (and how to dismantle those beliefs) ■ How to handle the negative reactions that might come our way as we begin to pursue our own recovery journeys and how to let some relationships go in the process ■ How trying to “get resolution” with our parents is often a pointless exercise (how to release the desire for closure with our families of origin, find forgiveness, healing and a way forward) ■ Inner critic work (using schema therapy to explore the concept of ‘punitive parent mode’)Book mentioned on this episode: Breaking Down the Wall of Silence by Alice MillerConnect with Barlas: https://www.instagram.com/acceptandact/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Dialectical behavior therapy, also known as DBT, is a form of psychotherapy that is founded on the principals of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Psychologist Marsha M. Linehan developed DBT in the late 1980s as a means to help better treat chronically suicidal individuals diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (BPD). Although touched upon in cognitive behavioral therapy, DBT places primary emphasis on the psychosocial aspects of treatment. DBT combines standard CBT techniques for emotional regulation and reality testing with concepts derived from Buddhist meditative practice such as awareness, mindfulness and attentiveness to current situations and emotional experiences to encourage acceptance.  On today’s episode of the podcast, I sit down with Daina Haines, MA, LCSW, who facilitates DBT therapy groups at Tri-State DBT Associates in Medford, New Jersey.Follow & support the podcast (& join the Discord recovery community): click here Some of the topics discussed on this episode:  ■ Daina’s first experience with DBT in clinical practice (being thrown into a group DBT session without preparation)■ A breakdown of the four skills modules in DBT therapy (core mindfulness skills, distress tolerance skills, interpersonal effectiveness skills, and emotion regulation skills)■ What is “wise mind” in DBT therapy■ Struggling with suicidal ideation and how Daina handles this with her clients ■ Quiet vs. “classic” BPD (internalizing vs. externalizing)■ The four stages of competence (“the competence spectrum”)■ The link between rage and anger in borderline personality disorder■ Accepting reality (radical acceptance)■ Why people with BPD are considered “difficult patients” (turning willfulness into willingness)■ How re can reframe stigmatizing words often used to describe people with BPD (“attention-seeking” and “manipulative”)■ Why identifying our unmet needs is so hard for those of us with complex trauma and BPD■ The cultural differences in emotional expression (Eastern vs. Western thought)■ Hope for BPD recovery See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On today’s special bonus episode of the podcast, I will guide you through a cord-cutting meditation practice. Regularly practicing cord-cutting meditation can improve the lives of those struggling with complex trauma and emotion dysregulation that occurs in conditions like c-PTSD and borderline personality disorder.We are all attached with energetic cords in some way or another. Being energetically attached to someone you love and care about, family ties or long-term friendships, whether they be loving and supportive or challenging is part of the game. But what if you have someone that has come into your life as part of your soul family to teach you self-love through challenge and hurt? The damage has been done, but you just can’t seem to get them off your mind, stop loving them, stop hating them or just stop the ruminating thoughts that destroy any chance at gaining peace of mind. Energy should energize us, not exhaust us. People with BPD and c-PTSD often feel heavy with our negative emotions and sensations. This is when a cord cutting meditation can be a useful aid in reconnecting to our center.As we go through life, we form attachments to people and things. When those connections feel negative or cause us suffering, cutting “energy cords” can help restore us and make room for more clarity and peace in our lives. We form attachments, physical and emotional, in many ways. Attachments bind us to people, ideas, and things. Energy actively shifts within us every time we experience an emotion related to these bonds. This phenomenon can be detected in the brain.“Cords” can be positive or negative. Positive “cords” can lace our energy with respect, excitement, courage, and power. Negative cords are easy to detect as we often experience physical symptoms of discomfort due to these lingering connections. This can result in feeling like you have “a pit in your stomach”. You may even experience physical sickness: nausea, indigestion, loss of breath, or emotional flashbacks.It’s important to realize that this practice isn’t always about negative cords. We make so many connections in our lives that we can also become overloaded. Just as plants with wild branches extending in every direction sometimes need pruning to continue to grow, we need to tend our positive energy ties. A cord may have nurtured an important part of our growth, but we need to trim its tight grip on our thoughts and identities to move forward in our lives. Cord cutting meditation practice has helped me open to receiving and giving love again – I hope it can do the same for you.**To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com ** See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Gen Z is considered to be “the most depressed generation:. 91% of Gen Z reported experiencing psychological symptoms due to stress. According to a study by Western Governors University in 2019, only 45% of Gen Z believe their mental health is good, 11% lower than the millennial generation. The Pew Research Center found that 70% of teens believe that depression and anxiety are significant problems amongst their peers. In today’s podcast episode, I sit down with Adam Sweet to discuss his viral YouTube video “Why Is Gen Z Humor So Weird?” As a member of Gen Z himself, Adam provides further context and lived experience as we explore why members of “iGen” statistically have more mental health problems than any other generation before them. **To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com ** TOPICS DISCUSSED: ■ Adam explains what inspired him to create his viral YouTube video about Gen-Z humor■ The original of “depressed humor” and how it may have started with Millennials■ Who is Generation Z (Gen-Z) – exploring the characteristics of this generation of digital natives■ Social media addiction and the impact needing to be “always online” is having on this generation’s ability to socialize in person■ The state of Gen Z mental health in 2021 (digging into the more recent troubling statistics and research)■ Adam’s experience with sudden-onset panic attacks and his experience with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)■ The suppressed emotions and repressed fear behind becoming an adult in the middle of a pandemic■ Social media as a distraction from real life (overstimulation and the impact of consuming too much media)■ TikTok addiction (Adam details when he realized he was addicted and the negative impact the app had on his life)■ How extreme perfectionism is driving Gen Z and Millennials to depression■ The negative impact of “over-parenting” (how parentification and emotional incest is contributing to the Gen Z mental health crisis)■ Understanding the existentialism behind Gen Z humor■ The “covert” nature of Gen Z rebellion■ How the current social media climate is creating a “me-focused” culture (understanding “main character syndrome”)■ Instagram’s negative impact on body image■ How eliminating background noise and creating time for silence in our day can reconnect us to our creativity ■ How we can create a healthier relationship with social media and prioritize our mental health (how to identify bad social media habits and create better ones) THE YOUTUBE VIDEO THAT INSPIRED THIS EPISODE:“Why Is Gen-Z Humor So Weird?” CONNECT WITH ADAM:InstagramYouTubeDiscord See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Who says people with BPD can’t do great things? Dr. Courtney Tracey (also known as @thetruthdoctor on IG) proves them all wrong and she’s here to prove that you can, too. Professionals that are open about their own battles with BPD are rare. As a licensed clinical social worker and doctor of clinical psychology, Courtney has over 12 years of education and an audience of 2 million followers under her belt. Courtney is passionate about learning and teaching with others how the mind and body work, while de-stigmatizing mental health. This is a story of resilience, hard work, and what human beings can accomplish when they ignore what society says we cannot do. **To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com **Below are some of the topics discussed: ■ Courtney’s personal battle with borderline personality disorder (her personal struggles with infidelity and drug use that led to her diagnosis) ■ Why most mental health professionals hesitate to “come out” about having BPD (EUPD) themselves due to stigma and misinformation (including Marsha Linehan, creator of DBT therapy)■ The REAL reason many mental health professionals refuse to treat people with BPD■ ACEs (adverse childhood experiences), the research behind the term and how cumulative childhood stress can contribute to autoimmune diseases and chronic illness in adults■ The mind-body connection and how disconnected we are to this ancient wisdom in the Western world■ Extended panic attacks as a direct manifestation of childhood trauma in c-PTSD and BPD■ Labels in mental health and how they become our cages and barriers (the problem with the term “neurotypical” ■ Chronic lying in BPD (trying to be someone we’re not to make desperate attempts at connection)■ Existential thoughts and feelings of emptiness■ Spiritual starvation and how it contributes to the development of severe and chronic mental health issues ■ The problem with the term “personality disorder”■ Fear of abandonment and the constant need for sexual and emotional validation■ Prescribed harm: the issue with overprescribing psychiatric medications and the lack of discussion around withdrawal symptoms■ Questions to ask potential therapists when you have BPD to ensure they are best equipped to help you■ Advice for teens who think they might have BPD ■ Advice for anyone newly diagnosed with BPDRESOURCES: Take this quiz to find your ACE scoreInterview with psychiatrist Andrew Twardon, director for intensive treatment of personality disorders at Mount Sinai West, NYC who believes we should do away with the term "personality disorder" and replace it with "interpersonal vulnerabilities."CONNECT WITH COURTNEY: https://www.thetruthdoctor.com/about-dr-courtney-tracy See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

If you have BPD or CPTSD (or are a loved one of someone who does) and you’re losing hope, this episode is for you. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) often have tumultuous relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with complex trauma (and their partners). One of the first results that appears when you Google “BPD relationships” is: “Why BPD relationships never work.” It can certainly feel that way, but I’m here to tell you: this doesn’t have to be your reality. Today, you’ll hear my boyfriend Zaz’s very first appearance on the podcast. We sit down and answer questions submitted by my lovely Patreon subscribers and Instagram followers.**To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com **Below are some of the topics Zaz and I discuss: ■ How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship?■ How to develop a deeper understanding for your partner ■ How to find your own space in a relationship with someone with BPD and CPTSD (navigating feelings of overwhelm)■ Drama addiction: how we often feel bored when things are calm and predictable in a relationship ■ Zaz’s own trauma (losing his first love in a school shooting in Montreal, CA)■ How those of us with BPD can share our recovery insights with our partners (how Zaz has benefited from learning about inner critic work!)■ Should you tell your partner’s family that you have BPD?■ How to know if your partner has become your FP (“Favorite Person”)■ How to navigate the early stages of a relationship and clingy behavior■ What changes Zaz has seen in me since I started my recovery journey■ Can two people with BPD date (or will it always be toxic)■ How the partner of someone with BPD & CPTSD can care for their own needs while the BPD partner is splitting / having an episode ■ What is the best way to educate your partner about BPD & CPTSD (while still holding yourself accountable and not blaming everything on ‘the BPD”) ■ Has Zaz ever been accused of something untrue in an argument during a BPD episode?■ How to handle jealous, controlling, obsessive and paranoid behavior■ How to navigate constant need for validation and attention from your partner■ How those of us with BPD need to ensure we are giving our partners adequate emotional space in the relationship (not making it all about us) See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

This episode is dedicated to anyone who has felt like the problem child their entire life. It’s for those who grew up hating themselves and wondering why they felt so empty and undeserving of love. I’m sharing the more profound concepts that have led to REAL progress in my recovery and why I believe I no longer meet the criteria for borderline personality disorder (BPD) and cPTSD. To truly understand the core of the development of “mental health problems,” we have to understand high-level psychological and spiritual concepts that (for some reason) are not often brought up when we seek mental health treatment: ideas like “individuation,” “the Ego” and the “Higher Self.” In this episode, I do my best to share with you what I’ve learned about these concepts and how the Tarot has helped me understand them through what is called “The Hero’s Journey.”Through these concepts, we will learn how the impact of childhood emotional neglect (CEN) and critical parenting:■ Stops us experiencing true intimacy and connection with romantic partners in adulthood■ Leads to the experience of wanting closeness but being unable to break free from the loneliness of our self-imposed isolation■ Creates anxiety that makes us terrified of the idea of trust and vulnerability■ Causes us to overanalyze our lives into a state of near paralysis■ Leads us to developing a belief and feeling that all our relationships are unsatisfying, lack boundaries, and are unsafeArticles I read during the episode (both by Jessica Davidson):The Hero’s JourneyExplanation of the different between ego, self, and SelfIG Post:Tips to Manage the Negative Cycle by @thesecurerelationshipMentioned Books:Seventy-Eight Degrees of Wisdom: A Tarot Journey to Self-Awareness (New Edition)Fearless Tarot: How to Give a Positive Reading in Any SituationHold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of LoveJoin the community and support the podcast on Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/backfromtheborderline See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this episode, you’ll hear my interview with Stephanie Carinia, a trauma and personality specialist based in Amsterdam, the Netherlands. Stephanie is trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT) and Schema-Focused Therapy (SFT).Follow & support the podcast (& join the Discord recovery community): click here Full list of topics covered on this episode below:  ■ A therapist view of working with patients with borderline personality disorder (BPD / EUPD)■ BPD rage and how it impacts / feels for pwBPD as well as partners and loved ones■ Navigating and overcoming paranoid thoughts■ Splitting behaviors and fear of rejection (how we split on ourselves as well as our loved ones)■ How BPD impacts intimate relationships (how to create a healthier dynamic and heal)■ “Destigmatizing manipulation” (everyone does it, not just people with BPD)■ How generational trauma and abuse is passed on and how we can break the cycle■ How many of us think we are “empaths” but are often out of touch with true empathy (mentalization)■ The soul-crushing damage of approval-seeking behaviors and fear of abandonment (“do you love me?)■ Understanding emotionally immature parenting behaviors (and how to set boundaries)■ Advice for those newly diagnosed with BPD■ “The Alien Self” (how most individuals with personality disorders grow up without developing a strong sense of self and shifting identity)■ Understanding the inner critical parent and self-loathing■ The role gaslighting plays in childhood trauma (and how to recognize it)■ Learning to trust our intuition and connecting with our sense of agency (developing an “inner safe space”) ■ Ego fear and perfectionistic parenting (how to tell the difference between an “ego reaction” vs. authentic emotion)■ How becoming comfortable with making mistakes and embracing our humanity is essential to recovery from childhood trauma■ How to emotionally validate children in a healthy way (the importance of emotional maturity)■ What are “emotional injuries” and what do they look like? CONNECT WITH STEPHANIE:Website: https://www.psychologiststephanie.com/Instagram: @psychologiststephanieStephanie’s new relationship-based IG page: @psychologiststeph OTHER MENTIONED RESOURCES:Instagram: Seerut Chawla MBACP (Psychotherapist)Instagram: Barlas Günay (Psychologist)   See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

On this episode of the podcast, you'll hear my interview with songwriter, pop chameleon, and all around hilarious human being, Jared Gelman.**To connect with me directly, join the community on Instagram and support the podcast to keep it ad-free, visit www.backfromtheborderline.com **Content warning: self-harm / suicide Below are some concepts discussed in this episode: ■ Navigating growing up queer and BPD■ Jared's experience with self harm and other self destructive behaviors and the damage of labeling these "attention seeking"■ BPD stigma■ Quiet BPD (acting "in" rather than acting "out"■ How our nuclear families often see the most explosive parts of our BPD■ Catastrophic thinking and how it can negatively impact our intimate relationships■ Questioning ourselves and our reality when we have BPD ("Is my reaction rational..? Or is it the BPD?") ■ BPD and manipulative behavior - is it really manipulative? Or are we over-simplifying?■ Questioning our identity and sense of self with BPD■ Having BPD and ADHD■ Drastic appearance changes (hair, eyebrows, clothing)■ FP (favorite person) relationships■ Addictive and impulsive behaviors■ BPD and issues with authority■ How parents that "try their best" can still do damage (emotional abuse/neglect, toxic shame, CPTSD)■ How we can improve splitting behavior■ Being afraid of being alone with our own thoughts (but then still feeling alone, even with friends)■ Constantly seeking the approval of everyone but ourselves■ The importance of morning routines in BPD recovery■ Advice for the newly diagnosed■ Advice for loved ones of people with borderline personality disorderStream “Impulsive” by Jared Gelman:https://fanlink.to/JaredGelmanIMPULSIVE Follow Jared on Social Media:https://www.instagram.com/jaredgelman/https://twitter.com/JaredGelmanhttps://www.youtube.com/c/JaredGelmanhttp://tiktok.com/@jaredgelmanhttps://www.facebook.com/JaredGelmanMusic/ See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

Impulsivity is a core feature of BPD. Impulsivity in BPD has been defined as 'rapid and unplanned action.' However, a preference for immediate gratification and discounting of longer-term rewards might better describe the impulsive behaviors that people with BPD use to regulate their emotional distress.The most up-to-date research proposes that BPD develops due to a complex interplay of genetics, increased affective sensitivity/reactivity, and stressful life events. The idea is that these factors prevent those of us with BPD from developing healthy emotional coping mechanisms, which results in a severe form of emotional dysregulation.Our difficulty regulating our emotions is what leads to our increased use of impulsive coping strategies. Usually, without even being conscious of it, we are using these impulsive behaviors to help self-soothe (also called "down-regulate) and further repress our deep feelings of shame and self-hatred. The key here is that for people with BPD, impulsivity usually occurs in response to the stress and negative emotions we've taught ourselves to avoid.  Regardless of the specific impulsive act, it is generally indicative of an inability to self-soothe and an attempt to create a distraction from underlying emotional issues.Below is a breakdown of the subjects covered in today's episode: • Introductions, reading reviews & a big announcement! • What is impulsivity? • How people with BPD use impulsive behaviors to regulate their emotional distress• How impulsive behaviors develop in people with borderline personality disorder • Examples of impulsive behaviors experienced by someone with BPD • What exactly makes a behavior go from "nothing to worry about" to impulsive? (exploring the UPPS-P Impulsive Behavior Scale to analyze impulsive behaviors) • Examples of impulsive behavior from the /rBPD subreddit • How to treat BPD impulsivity (how to manage impulsive behaviors) • How DBT is used in decreasing impulsive behaviors and emotional dysregulation Resources: BPD SubredditThe Minimalist's interview with Patreon Founder & CEO, Jack Conte ** BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things borderline personality disorder (BPD), emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of thousands of likeminded individuals pursuing recovery and their best selves on Instagram @bpdtea **PATREON COMMUNITY COMING SOON! In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

How we talk and think about ourselves can turn insecurity into joy, doubt into confidence, and shame into self-love. Every human (even those of us with BPD) has unlimited potential. The key to unlocking that potential is learning to love ourselves. BPD causes us to doubt our abilities and self-worth and struggle with a poor self-image for much of our lives. Sometimes to the outsider, we can seem quite successful, giving little indication of the almost constant negative discourse going on inside our own heads. Learning to love and appreciate ourselves is the key to BPD recovery. This episode contains everything you'll need to release yourself from the judgmental prison you've created inside your own mind.Below is a breakdown of the subjects covered in today's episode: • How self-hatred manifests in people with borderline personality disorder (experiences shared from Reddit) • What is the inner critic? (Discussing how destructive thoughts turn into maladaptive behavior) • How our inner critical voice affects every aspect of our lives (self-esteem, confidence, work/school, personal relationships) • Examples of critical inner narratives • Where does our critical inner voice come from? • The difference between our inner critic and our conscience • The iceberg metaphor (diving deeper to discover what is truly underneath the negative self talk?) • Why it feels like we have two separate parts of us (Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde) • What happens when we believe everything our inner critic tells us• Carl Jung - how understanding his work can help us understand the inner critic (what he calls the "shadow") • Understanding Jungian concepts (personas, unexplored parts of our personalities, suppressed negative traits) • "The Shadow Self" - parts of us that we push into our subconscious minds • What is the shadow and how does it develop in childhood? • The conscious vs. the subconscious mind and how we repress and suppress our emotions • How our shadow can contribute to splitting episodes • How can we become more aware of our shadow and spot when we're operating from it? (projection, triggers, patterns) • Why is the shadow such a controversial subject? • How to begin practicing shadow work (the basics) • 4-step process to reprogramming our inner critic Resources: BPD SubredditTeach Your Inner Critic a New Story | Kari Romeo (TedTalk) Understanding Our Inner Critic - Esther Perel & Dick Schwartz (YouTube) Self-love, Borderline Personality Disorder & Mending the Divide Between Two (seemingly) Mutually Exclusive Entities** BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things borderline personality disorder (BPD), emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of thousands of likeminded individuals pursuing recovery and their best selves on Instagram @bpdtea **In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often have rocky relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with BPD and for their partners. Symptoms of BPD can cause constant changes in emotions. For example, a person with BPD may be affectionate and doting, but within a few hours, their emotional state may switch. They may feel smothered or overwhelmed. This can lead them to push away the partner they had just been drawing closer. With treatment and continual support from family and partners, people with BPD can have successful relationshipsBelow is a breakdown of the subjects covered in today's episode: • Why is intimacy important? • What are the different types of intimacy (experiential, emotional, intellectual, sexual) • BPD & fear of intimacy (abandonment issues, fear of rejection, control issues, past abuse) • BPD's impact on intimacy (abandonment sensitivity, lying, impulsive sexuality, self-harm, dissociative symptoms) • What the research says about intimacy & BPD• Starting a relationship with someone with BPD • The BPD relationship cycle (stages 1-6) • Tips for both people with BPD and for loved ones on improving intimacy and relationship stability ** BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of thousands of likeminded individuals pursuing recovery and their best selves on Instagram @bpdtea **In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

During this episode, you'll hear the second and final part of my conversation with Melanie Goldman. I connected with Mel through Instagram. I was struck by how she used her large social media platform to spread a positive and hopeful message about BPD recovery and knew I had to have her on the podcast. After being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder ten years ago, Mel is currently pursuing a degree that will allow her to practice as a therapist and open a center for others suffering from BPD.Below you'll find a detailed list of the topics covered in the episode, as well as links to the many resources mentioned. I hope you find them helpful!Links to resources mentioned in today's episode: Book | "Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir" by Marsha LinehanWikipedia Current Events (a way to view what's going on in the world without extreme polarization) Mark Manson's Newsletter "Mindf*ck Monthly" Book | The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark MansonNetflix Documentary | The Social Dilemma YouTube Video | Doing "The Work" with Byron KatieYouTube Video | Releasing Emotional Pain - Tapping with Brad YatesYouTube Video | Does Shaking Heal Trauma? Book | The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der KolkConnect with Melanie: Mel's IG | @mindovermelanieBelow is a breakdown of the subjects Mel and I cover during part two of our conversation:• Desperately seeking a diagnosis (thinking that we can't begin healing until we get a "formal" BPD diagnosis) • Toxic BPD subreddits (avoiding rabbit hole of forums) • The importance of critical thinking skills when navigating different BPD resources (how the media use fear and manipulation techniques) • BPD morning routine hacks to start the day • Processing big feelings and emotional trauma • Inner child work (reconnecting to what used to bring us joy) • The negative impact social media can have on BPD recovery and the importance of social media detox time • Parasocial relationships (how getting caught up in them can hurt us) • The harm caused by pursuing validation through social media • The art of radical acceptance and its role in recovery from borderline personality disorder • When to tell the people we love we have BPD • How friends and family members can support their loved ones with BPD • BPD relationships (navigating the ups and downs ** BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of thousands of likeminded individuals pursuing recovery and their best selves on Instagram @bpdtea **In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.

In this episode, you'll witness a very special conversation. I connected with Mel through Instagram. I was struck by how she used her large social media platform to spread a positive and hopeful message about BPD recovery and knew I had to have her on the podcast.After being diagnosed with borderline personality disorder ten years ago, Mel is currently pursuing a degree that will allow her to practice as a therapist and open a center for others suffering from BPD.The conversation you'll hear in this episode was the first time we've ever met. By the end of our talk, I knew I'd found a lifelong friend. I'm honored to be able to share this discussion with each of you.Below you'll find a detailed list of the topics covered in the episode, as well as links to the many resources mentioned. I hope you find them helpful!Links to resources mentioned in today's episode: Book | "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" by Jerold J. Kreisman & Hal StrausBook | "Unf*ck Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life" by Gary Bishop JohnBook | "Loving What Is: The Four Questions That Can Change Your Life" by Byron KatieTedTalk | "The Power of Vulnerability" by Brene BrownBook | "Building a Life Worth Living: A Memoir" by Marsha LinehanConnect with Melanie: Mel's IG | @mindovermelanieBelow is a breakdown of the subjects Mel and I cover:• DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) and the concepts of "willful versus willingness" • Feedback loops that keep us stuck • Understanding the spectrum of borderline personality disorder (high-functioning vs low functioning) • How meditation can be scary when we first try it• Talking to our "BPD monsters" and battling negative self talk • Sexual repulsion, aversion, and hyper-sexuality in individuals with borderline personality disorder• Age regression and BPD • Identity disturbance issues with BPD • Developing TRUE self-love and self-compassion and what that means for recovery • Discussing the movie "The Joker" - becoming a victim/statistic of the mental health system • When to tell people in your life that you have BPD • Navigating BPD and extreme social anxiety • Creating an individualized approach to BPD recovery • "Cleaning the BPD wound" - how to attack the underlying issues that prevent us from seeing progress in recovery ** BFTB is the place to be for the tea on all things BPD, EUPD, and emotional dysregulation. Join the community of thousands of likeminded individuals pursuing recovery and their best selves on Instagram @bpdtea **In the US, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. In the UK and Ireland, Samaritans can be contacted on 116 123 or by emailing jo@samaritans.org or jo@samaritans.ie. In Australia, the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14. Other international helplines can be found at www.befrienders.org. See acast.com/privacy for privacy and opt-out information.