What The If?

PART THREE OF THE WTiF UFO CHRONICLES. Philip rubs his hands together and plots how to score an interview with one of the aliens who've abducted him. We urge ALL CITIZENS to take one for the team (EARTH!) and get some photos of your travels on a UFO. Our listener Jay, who wrote in to tell of his journeys to "the most beautiful places in the Universe" (!!!) has made us so envious we're more green than a Martian. Were the places more beautiful than, say... Paris??? Or Iceland??? Or Nabu??? PLUS more secrets from behind the scenes of what it's like when you're making a UFO documentary. How to do it, without selling your soul to the Vogons. This is a wild, wooly and wacky episode, come along for the ride. Put on your big ol' aviator sunglasses, zip up your flight suit, shout "What The IF?!!!" and away... we... goooooooo! Send your thoughts & ideas! feedback@whattheif.com Follow us on Twitter: @WhatTheIFshow Share a review on iTunes or your favorite pod service! Hear all episodes & learn more at WhatTheIF.com

DEAR ALIEN ABDUCTEES: Please help us out, take pictures! Also, can we get AIRLINES to pick us up at home, while we're sleeping, too??? It'd be so much more CONVENIENT. And we also have some REQUESTS for ALIENS WHO ARE ABDUCTING PEOPLE: what's a poor SKEPTIC gotta do to get picked up??? 'Cause that would be awesome, ok, thanks. Also, PRO TIPS for potential abductees. HELP US OUT, KIDS! Sleep with your camera in your pocket! Crucial information for EVERYONE in this special holiday edition (!!!) of WTiF, with your host, Philip Shane, flying solo, without a SEATBELT but with a MARTINI. Hop aboard, let's go, up up and away... to a galaxy far far... YEP! Send your thoughts & ideas! feedback@whattheif.com Follow us on Twitter: @WhatTheIFshow Share a review on iTunes or your favorite pod service! Hear all episodes & learn more at WhatTheIF.com

We watch the skies, and read the New York Times and we shout OMG! A very special What The IF?

WE DELAY THE ASTEROID that killed the dinosaurs by five minutes, and thus... the giant lizard dudes and dudettes continued to breed, and evolve. And then they got big ideas in their head. Well, they got big brains at least. And BAD ideas. THE DINOSAURS START THINKING, like humans. What's a human? Those little creatures who won't evolve now, because Tyrannosaurus RICK is in charge of the Earth, buddy! DO NOT WEEP FOR THEIR TINY HANDS, these guys and gals evolve opposable thumbs, and they start to use tools and we wonder.... what kind of skyscraper would a dinosaur would build? Because they definitely would do that, because they think like people. What The IF???

• Email us feedback@whattheif.com, let us know you're listening & share your thoughts! FLAT EARTH: words the strike fear into the heart of every fact loving, rational thinking human. To imagine it is to fall into the depths of insanity, stupidity, comedy, tragedy. Oh, the madness! And yet (WTF?!!!!) people are all chitty chatty these days about the Flat Earth theory. Inexplicably (seriously, WTF?!!!!) basketball players are at the forefront of the Flat Earth crusade... I mean, you'd think that they'd want the world to be shaped like a basketball. Ok, breathe, breathe, flat earth is a joke of an idea, people haven't believed the Earth was flat since Columbus sailed the ocean blue... right? Well, not right, with apologies to every grade school teacher I had, this wasn't true. Thanks to the tremendous bank of knowledge that resides in the brain of Professor Matt, our guide to all things IF, we learn the truth of how *ancient* people figured out that the Earth was round, and they probably played better basketball, too. Flat Earth is synonymous with silliness, it has, as they say in Science, a crazy high "giggle factor". And yet, and yet... And yet we are COMPELLED to envision it. Let's face it, it's an incredible What The IF, and baby, we go there. We go ALL THE WAY there. Don't bother fastening your seatbelts, since there's no hills we can fall down on this bizarre flat planet, but there's no shortage of completely bizarre things we discover on this Pancake Earth. I mean, seriously, I ain't kiddin', I just got back from a tour of it with Matt and trust me, it is really, really strange, and I'm not even talking about what happened when we reached the EDGE.  Come with us, enter the WTiF Machine and we'll take you to the where the world is FLAT. You won't forget this episode, let's go!

How FAR can you stretch a thought experiment? How much can you bend your mind? How far off the cliff can we run without looking down? Today we push the concept of learning from an IF into new dimensions. It's the exciting conclusion to our wild & wacky "Haiku In The Collider" scenario! We learn a tremendous amount of amazing REAL science in the process, as we spin out (of control!) this SciFi idea, keeping it as rooted in scientific facts as possible. We rejoin the scientists at the Large Hadron Collider... they're transfixed by the HAIKU flashing on all the screens in mission control. They've spent months ruling out all possibilities that this is an error, or a prank, or that they're dreaming and will wake up and find normality restored. Nope! The mystery begs for explanation. Who is sending this message? Why is it in Japanese? Why Haiku??? HOW did they do it? Where are they? So many many questions. We summon the minds of a fantastic cornucopia of scientists, and the best hard-SF writers to bring this trilogy to a conclusion. So many questions... so many answers... so many laughs and facts and fun in this outstanding episode of What The IF!

Click here rate us in iTunes, thanks!: getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 Thanks! Send us your comments, questions & suggestions: feedback@whattheif.com What will happen after our cliffhanger at the end of the previous episode??? We find ourselves floating in the air, like Wile E. Coyote, safe and oblivious... until we look down! In our most dangerous, craziest WTiF yet, we've imagined what the IF would happen if the Large Hadron Collider, the most powerful atom smasher in the world, discovered the most fundamental answer about what makes everything go and go and go in the Universe. Einstein and all those who love him theorize that there is a single equation from which all other workings of the universe follow. But what if (and it's a big what if, I mean totally what the IFFFFF?) instead of the mathematical data that they see on their screens at LHC Mission Control, which looks like numbers, lines, graphs, and when all plotted out, it looks like fireworks... all the zillions of different particles spraying out from every collision... well, what IFFFFF, instead of nice mathematical lines, they saw a Haiku. In Japanese. I mean, seriously, WTiF? As always, and even more so this week (!) the incredible awesomeness of this technique of pondering wild (weeeee!) SciFi scenarios, push us harder than ever (the way we like it) to learn about the REAL science behind everything. The amount of fascinating reality that emerges from this imaginary wacko situation is really wonderful, you're gonna love it. Tune in! Enjoy!

Click here rate us in iTunes, thanks!: getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 Thanks! Send us your comments, questions & suggestions: feedback@whattheif.com MATH! It strikes fear into the hearts of millions of people. Or billions of people. OR GAZILLIONS of people. Yes we're having fun with big numbers! Math is so scary to the British that they even call it MATHS -- like there's too many of them -- run for your lives! NOTHING happens in the universe without MATH knowing about it. Math rules over everything, to infinity and beyond (yond, yond, yond...) What The IF you could really understand Math? Really FEEL it, like a Mathematician feels it? You see it, you taste it, you feel it in your bones, and you look at all the beautiful math in your beautiful mind and your beautiful hot tub, and you'll ask your fellow hot tubbers, "Holy cr*p, where does all this Math come from? Why does everything from super stars to slimy snails eat, breathe and sleep... and live and die... and party like it's 1999... All according to the rules of mathematics?" Among the many amazing creatures we meet in this episode to infinity (and beyond, yond, yond...) is A BARBER WHO CANNOT CUT HIS OWN HAIR. I mean, this is one of our weirdest episodes yet. Be forewarned: by the end, we find ourselves driven right to the edge of a cliff. WTiF?

Click here rate us in iTunes: http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 Thanks! Send comments, questions & suggestions: feedback@whattheif.com ARE YOU a thinker or a do-er? Or perhaps you're ambi-thinkerdo-extrous? Sure, it takes all kinds, but what if one particular kinda humans got NASA in their grubby little paws? It'd be funny! But I also suggest you RUN FOR YOUR LIFE because that Saturn VI rocket ain't gonna fly straight. PHYSICS HAS TWO KINDS: Theoretical Physicists and Experimentalists. The world has thrived with these two mighty species working together. But what if one of 'em ate a million cans of spinach and got super buff and kicked out the others? This is a deep thinking, big bun busting episode of WHAT THE IF... I mean it's really wild, like a safari suddenly broke out in our recording studio. Aristotle, that ancient greek guy, guest stars! Listen now, and get thinking' young paduan, because you'll never become a Jedi by sitting around the house. Open the window and shout it, "WTiF!"

Click here rate us in iTunes, thanks!: http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 Thanks! Send us your comments, questions & suggestions: feedback@whattheif.com THERE'S A RECIPE for our universe. Screw up the ingredients and your cosmological soufflé collapses into a messy goo, or explodes and splatters all over your oven and burns and sets off the smoke detector (an all-too-typical situation in my kitchen). If we were smarter and better at physics, we'd call this the Fine Tuned Universe theory, which says that if any of the important physical constants in our universe, like the strength of the strong force which holds the atomic nucleus together, or say... the strength of the force of gravity. WTiF would happen if we turned that dial??? What if we turned it PAST eleven??? Omg, this is one hell of an exciting and enlightening episode, check it out!

Love the show? Click here to give a 1-click iTunes rating: http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 Thanks! Listen for End-Of-The-Episode Shoutouts! We salute our most dedicated Twitter followers... listen for your name! We continue to be riveted to the exciting news from LIGO about the incredible field of gravitational astronomy bursting upon the world. Being able to FEEL the gravitational waves of the universe have revealed an entirely new vision of gargantuan structures and epic events happening all over the sky, all the time. It's a true 'revelation'. What FUTURE revelations await our discovery? What new views of the universe? What new realms? Strange forms of matter and energy? DARK MATTER looms over us, and below us, and through us... but we know very little about it. It's not even really "dark" -- it's INVISIBLE, but it's so huuuuuuuuge we can see and feel how it bends the the fabric of the universe all around it with unimaginable gravitational strength. But, hey, that's a weird thing. I can't get my mind (my grey matter!) around it, can you? It'd be a heck of a lot easier if we could SEE it. And when the hard working, brilliant telescope builders of Earth figure out a way, WHAT THE IF will we see???

Enjoy the show? Leave an iTunes review! http://getpodcast.reviews/id/1250517051 We humans share the Earth with many species, and some people see us Homo Sapiens as the masters of the planet. But that wasn't always the case. Watch Jurassic Park, it's a scary movie, and it's got great dinosaurs and really tiny, tasty people. What if another species evolved in the future to challenge humans for control of the Earth? What kind of park will they build? What kind of movies will they watch? How much do you love Giraffes? How can you not? This is a fun and scary and furry and tasty episode of the super imaginative, improv sci-fi series called What the IF? (if... if.... if...) Enjoy! Subscribe! Enjoy more! We'd love to hear from you, email feedback@whattheif.com or tweet us @WhatTheIfShow. If you like, we'll give you a shoutout on the show because, hey, what the if?

Using gravity waves, Astronomers announced they discovered two neutron stars colliding in an epic explosion! Forbes Magazine's favorite fact about this natural wonder is that the event created 28 Octillion Dollars worth of Gold! (Priorities, people, c'mon.) Everyone says the global race to space won't really begin until we find some kind of (boring, so boring) natural material (yawn) to mine (geez, really) on some asteroid, moon or planet. What do people really love on Earth? Oil! What the IF oil (sticky, smokey, delicious) oil were found on Mars? A bazillion tons of it! Would Elon Musk's dreams of a massive Mars-based corporate economy erupt, using all that cheap, stinky oil? What would happen on Earth with all this insanely cheap oil suddenly available to everyone? Rocket cars belching smoke! And so much more. Check out this really fun, crazy, saga, chock-a-block full of REAL SCIENCE and our awesome flavor of extrapolation imagination as we envision another entirely new world that comes to life when we ask... What the IF?

NASA has emergency plans for what to do if they find an alien artifact on the Moon or anywhere in space (for real!). Elon Musk probably does, too. What The IF would happen if we found something left by Aliens? What if it was trash? Like, I dunno, maybe a Big Mac wrapper? How would a trashy hamburger wrapper change the world? A quick, hot and delicious episode awaits you, enjoy! Visit WhatTheIF.com for more episodes, info, and to contact us -- we'd love to hear from you. Your 5-star review on iTunes is also much appreciated! https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/what-the-if/id1250517051?mt=2

If miracles could be proven by science, oh man, wouldn't things would be better for everyone? Wouldn't it be awesome? And fun? And super helpful? We imagine the wild & wacky day that science discovers that miracles are real, and repeatable, and their rules are mathematical and logical. Because if you could figure all that out... well now you can hack 'em! Need a miracle? There's an app for that. Just count to three... and click!