Sofa King Podcast

Walter saw his son and daughter safely tucked into their beds. His wife, Edna, was down in the basement wrapping all the gifts. They'd both been working overtime shifts to get them exactly what they wanted. For little Joey, they saved enough money to get him Wommie, the robot Wombat. It did everything real Wombats did, according to the commercial; it had a backward pouch that avoided getting full of soil, and it ate grasses and sedges like Roomba but for the lawn. It pooped out chocolate, somehow. It was very expensive. Carla was a bit older. She wanted a lot of makeup and a new bananaPhone. The makeup was easy, but the bPhone was a tall order. Turns out, Walter's baby sitter's boyfriend worked at the Banana Store as a Plantain Genius, and he scored the last one of the season. Walter decided to pull a fast one and put it in the stocking, since they kids opened those last, just to see the baubles and trinkets. Get Calra's hopes up and down and up again. Good tactic. But what was that noise? Something on the roof. Walter laughed because for half a second, he thought it would be Santa. That magic died very hard, even as an adult. He took the bPhone and placed it in Carla's stocking with care, and damned if he didn't see a bunch of soot around the floor of the fireplace. Then, some fell down. There actually WAS something on the roof. He ran to the kitchen to get his flashlight, and he hurried back to the chimney. He laid low, so he could see up the chimney flue, but it was too dark. Suddenly, he face right next to the soot, he saw it had been disturbed. It looked like, but it couldn't be, a footprint. It was too small. It would have been, what, a size one? He laughed for a second at the notion but then shined the light on it. He saw an impression in the print. "Keds." He was here. Walter's sins were finally catching up with him. Tampering with space time had consequences, and he had heard tales of black hounds that would run through time righting the wrongs committed by those would would meddle with the nature of such things. And oh, how Walter had meddled. But this. This was much worse. There was a crunch, and he looked toward the end table. The plate with Santa's cookies was empty. Another crunch. He was eating the cookies. "Ho, ho, ho," he heard the voice say near the door the basement. Then, "What you talkin bout Walter," and the door slammed shut and was locked from the inside. Edna. He came for Edna. There was a laugh, and a scream, and spotlight shining in the windows as the military helicopters circled the house. Coleman had come, and Walter had been naughty. Oh, and we answer some questions about Christmas and stuff in this Christmas-themed bonus episode of The Sofa King Podcast.

In this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we look back in time and talk about the little-known but awesome Christmas mutiny at West Point Military Academy known as the Eggnog Riots. On Christmas Eve back in 1826, roughly 90 students at this military school got loaded on spiked eggnog and caused problems. Major problems. They tore up buildings, threatened lives, shot guns at people, and even hit people with logs! What lead to this gross dereliction of military decorum? You might say whiskey (and you’d be right), but there were other ingredients as well. To begin with, West Point was a ramshackle school that let anyone in, and after a bad couple of wars, Congress funded it to become the bastion of officer training it is today. The man who did this was Sylvanus Thayer. Aside from being considered the father of West Point (and sounding very much like someone who would battle Harry Potter), he was also a harsh disciplinarian. He created draconic rules that included a zero tolerance no-alcohol and tobacco policy, and he whipped the cadets into shape by giving them virtually no freedoms. They couldn’t leave campus; they couldn’t cook food. And did I mention that they couldn’t drink? So, the year of his liquor ban, the cadets decided to have a wee party, and they paid a sentinel to look the other way while they crept across the Hudson River and bought some whiskey. Five gallons or so. On Xmas eve, they started drinking their heavily spiked Eggnog, and the Eggnog Riots were born. Much of the mayhem involves a military history instructor who kept creeping in on the parties to break them up. He arrested Jefferson Davis (yes, the guy who went on to become the president of the Confederacy), and we talk about Davis’ drunken youth quite a bit. After a lot of whiskey-fueled dickery, the professor finally started to break up the party in earnest, and the cadets decided to arm themselves with blades and pistols and kill him for ruining their fun (like you do). And the Eggnog Riots were off and running. What happened next in the Eggnog Riot was a night of madness. They hit another officer with a  log and left him unconscious in a stair well; they ran around brandishing swords and pistols. They smashed windows, tore about the dorm, and readied themselves for war against the Army soldiers they thought were coming. So, how did the participants in the Eggnog Riots try to kill the professor and what went wrong in the attempt? What kept Jefferson Davis from getting court-martialed? How many students ended up getting arrested? Why did they tear down the dorm that hosted the party, and how was the new dorm designed so this would never happened again? Listen, laugh, learn. Good Article on It: https://www.smithsonianmag.com/arts-culture/egg-nog-its-all-fun-and-games-until-someone-starts-a-holiday-riot-180949281/#dShz66KYUWk6APy1.99  

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we get stuck in a time loop, caddy some shacks, and ain't afraid of no ghosts as we talk about the popular culture icon, comedian, and actor: Bill Murray. Bill Murray is known for his comedy roles (and more lately some pretty inspiring drama roles in indie flicks like Lost in Translation and anything by Wes Anderson), but he’s gained a meme-worthy following based on the random sightings and “Bill Murray Stories” that pop up on the internet these days. Born in the shadow of Chicago, Illinois, Murray was the fifth of nine children. Three of his brothers and one sister (who is also a nun) went into acting and/or comedy with some level of success, but it took a while to get there. Bill was feisty and rebellious as a youth and even fell on the wrong side of the law while attempting to smuggle nine pounds of marijuana out of Chicago O’Hare airport! This led him to follow his brother Brian-Doyle Murray into the famous Second City Improv group, and things were never the same after that. He excelled at comedy, and within a few short years, he was working with John Belushi for National Lampoon and eventually took the spot Chevy Chase vacated in Saturday Night Live. From there, he launched a movie career, headlining comedy giants such as Caddyshack, Ghost Busters, and Ground Hog Day. After a hiatus and then more comedy, he found a second wave of success with Lost in Translation, and this was the start of his indie film career. But none of this is as important as his stories. He now Murray-bombs regular people all over the world. He steals their fries. He covers their eyes while they piss at a urinal and whispers “no one will ever believe this.” He crashes parties, just to do people’s dirty dishes, and he drives cabbies around in their own city. His tendency to have gonzo run-ins with every day folks has given him a cult like following, and we talk about the best of the stories as well as the movie The Bill Murray Stories. We have some good laughs on this one and argue a lot about his best movies. Great Rolling Stone Article: https://www.rollingstone.com/movies/movie-news/being-bill-murray-175080/ The Bill Murray Stories: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7329810/

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we do what Brad calls “8th Grade History for Adults,” and we look at the adventures of Lewis and Clark. William Clark and Meriwether Lewis famously explored a path from St. Louis to Oregon in the early 1800s, a path no white man had ever taken before. It was sanctioned by President Jefferson (who was close personal friends with Lewis), and the entire nation was watching these men brave hostile tribes, thieves, weather, starvation, and wooly mammoths (Jefferson may have gotten that part wrong) on their travel. And of course, none of it would been possible without the 16-year-old Sacagawea, the daughter of a Shoshone chief (who was pregnant and made most of the arduous journey with a newborn on her back!). The whole expedition is tied up around the Louisiana Purchase in which America bought a substantial part of its land. However, the land hadn’t been explored by Euro folks, so someone had to find a path to the West in order to beat Spain to the punch. President Jefferson chose Lewis who knew Clark from a court martial several years back, and the team was founded. Lewis and Clark hunkered down and recruited several dozen men and loaded up three ships with thousands and thousands of pounds of supplies, weapons, and whiskey and coffee (they weren’t savages!). Along the way, they lost a member due to medical problems, fought with the Blackfoot, built a couple of forts to survive long winters, and saw hundreds of species of animals never seen by the white man before. They whipped people for sleeping on the job, lost some ships to storms, bought horses from long lost brothers, and even wrapped native babies in American flags! So, what American general and spy convinced the Spanish to capture or kill Lewis and Clark, and why didn’t it work? What did Sacagawea do that kept this party alive? What was the story with Sacagawea and her French-Canadian rapist, slave-owner husband? What did Clark’s slave named York contribute? Who gave the men venereal diseases during a long winter stay? Why do people think Lewis died by suicide instead of murder? What happened to Sacagawea’s baby? How did they all survive when the Donner Party didn't? Listen, laugh, learn.

Welcome to a bonus episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast. Just to be clear, in our normal podcast episodes, we do research on key topics that listeners vote on, and we give our takes on the information we dig up. The topics range from serial killers to conspiracy theories to abuses of power and cults. In this episode, however, we turn to Facebook and ask listeners for questions they want us to answer. So this bonus episode is different. We explain all of that at the top of the show, just to head off any questions you may have. So, if you want a bunch of research and factual goodness, skip this episode and turn to others with a clear focus. If you want a lot of dicking around, however, you’re in the right place! On this bonus episode, we answer some of the following questions about our high school careers: Were we loaners or the cool kid? Who inspired us? Would we be friends or enemies with our past selves? Were we straight arrows or did we ditch school? And many more! So, if you want to hear a casual bonus episode where we BS a little and have some laughs, this is the one for you. If you are an information hound or a Sofa King purist, you can go to any other episode and get your fix. Also, we do a live-stream for our $10 and above Patrons on these episodes. We really appreciate all you do to support us, and we try our best to give you unique shout outs. If you like the show or just want a fancy shout out, visit us at https://www.patreon.com/sofakingpodcast

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we travel back to castle times and explore the life, myth, and legacy of a French nobleman named Gilles de Rais—the Dracula of France! This man went from celebrated war hero to ally with the infamous Joan of Arc to church owner to theater producer to demon summoner to serial killer and pedophile. Maybe. Unless it was all a plot by the church and the French nobility to discredit the guy. It’s a wild story. So it all begins in the 1400s where Gilles de Rais was born to a wealthy noble family. When he was young, he studied military tactics as well as academics, but when his parents both died in the same year, his life took a turn. He was then raised by his grandfather who tried to pimp him out on wealthy noble girls to get him to marry into even richer families, but it never quite worked out. Eventually Gilles de Rais joined the militia and made a quick name for himself as a soldier. He captured key enemy officers, was known for reckless bravery on the battlefield, and earned lands and monies throughout his young career. Eventually, he joined up with Joan of Arc in some of her most famous battles and some say he was often her right hand man. After Joan’s untimely end, Gilles retired to civilian life and opened his own church to get away from things he didn’t like about the Catholic church. He also bankrolled one of the most expensive theatrical productions of all time while trying to revisit his glory days; the two things made him burn through money, so he ended up turning to other means of making money, like you do, so he tried to summon demons. The demons didn’t ever turn up, but his staff sorcerers advised him that the body parts of children would make them come, and so, he started killing kids. Horribly. And having sex with their exposed bowels, collecting their heads, and burning the bodies. Or maybe not. In 1992, some folks decided this may have been a smear campaign since Gilles de Rais was so beloved of the people that he was a threat to the crown and the church. The demons and serial killing may have been a way to make him lose love with the FFPs and get taken down a notch. So how many did he allegedly kill? What was his preferred method of execution? Who was the demon he tried to summon, and why did Aleister Crowley think he was innocent? Listen, laugh, learn.    

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we ask if a brother can spare a dime and look back at the horrible decade known as The Great Depression. This was the roughest period of global finance in the modern world, and it saw American crippled with unemployment, bank closures, farm closures, and suicides the likes of which the world has never seen before or sense. Was it a fluke of bad economics or a conspiracy by the 1% in charge of the economy? Listen and be the judge. After a period of (artificial) economic growth in American known as the Roaring Twenties, the bottom dropped out of just about everything, and the economic world took a nose dive. This was caused by several factors and culminated in the infamous Black Thursday where billions of dollars and millions of shares of stock were lost all in a day (and even more were lost the following Tuesday). This famously led to scores of suicides by investors, and it crippled the global economy. In the midst of all this turmoil, there was also ecological problems as the Dust Bowl crippled farming in the middle of America. With no money, layoffs were epidemic. In most of the nation, 25% of Americans had no work, and in some spots, it was as high as 80% or 90%. Banks collapsed since there was no money left for people to withdraw, and some estimates are that roughly half the children in the nation were left without enough food, medical care, or even a place to live thanks to the Great Depression. So, why do some people think this whole thing was a conspiracy theory? Who would stand to gain from such a horrible turn of events? What does this have to with the American federal banking system? What did President Hoover do that was so hated, and what did his replacement FDR do that was so loved? How long did it take for the economy to recover? He brother, can you spare a dime? Where do the Rothschilds, the Kennedys, and the Rockefellers come in? Listen, laugh, learn.

Welcome to a bonus episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast. Just to be clear, in our normal podcast episodes, we do research on key topics that listeners vote on, and we give our takes on the information we dig up. The topics range from serial killers to conspiracy theories to abuses of power and cults. In this episode, however, we turn to Facebook and ask listeners for questions they want us to answer. So this bonus episode is different. We explain all of that at the top of the show, just to head off any questions you may have. So, if you want a bunch of research and factual goodness, skip this episode and turn to others with a clear focus. If you want a lot of dicking around, however, you’re in the right place! On this bonus episode, we answer some of the following: Should boxing be banned? Should the internet be restricted? Should we go Nuclear? Patawong ping pong played in a pissing pageant? And many more! So, if you want to hear a casual bonus episode where we BS a little and have some laughs, this is the one for you. If you are an information hound or a Sofa King purist, you can go to any other episode and get your fix. Also, we do a live-stream for our $10 and above Patrons on these episodes. We really appreciate all you do to support us, and we try our best to give you unique shout outs. If you like the show or just want a fancy shout out, visit us at https://www.patreon.com/sofakingpodcast

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, know our role, shut our mouths, and smell what our topic is cookin. Our topic? Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. The Rock is currently the highest paid actor in Hollywood, with a series of movies that have grossed a total of $8.1 Billion! But, he started from humble, if not auspicious beginnings. Dwayne Johnson was the son of professional wrestler Rocky Johnson and grandson of the legendary Peter "High Chief" Fanene Maivia. He grew up moving from state to state following his father’s career in the ring, back when wrestling didn’t pay much. They had financial hardships, and at points, Johnson’s mother was suicidal, but they made it through Not interested in the family business, but a very gifted athlete, he started a career in football that saw him set records at the state level, move to college ball, and eventually start in the CFL as a professional baller. After some injuries, however, he called it quits and decided to hit up Vince McMahon and start wrestling. This decision change the face of popular culture. Within a few short years, Johnson went from a character called Flex Kavana to an upstart and charismatic guy known as Rocky Maivia. As “The Rock,” he dominated the WWF. He had epic rivals with Stone Cold Steve Austin, teamed up with the legendary Hulk Hogan, and became a tag team partner to Mick Foley during what is now known as "The Attitude Era." He won the WWF/WWE championship a whopping 17 times, showing that he had the heat to stay on top. Eventually, he started getting small acting roles in action films, and that blossomed into an industry of The Rock being on top of that game as well. From his role as the Scorpion King to his box office dominance in the Fast and Furious movies, he built a movie personal like no others. He does comedy with the likes of Kevin Hart, stars as a shell shocked super star in Southland Tales, and even voices Maui in Disney’s Moana. From bestselling author to Guinness World Record Holder, The Rock is one the most important people in all of entertainment. Even if you don’t like professional wrestling, the story of The Rock’s success is pretty epic, so give this one a listen and learn the tale of The Brahma Bull, the People’s Champion, The Great One, and the Most Electrifying Man in Entertainment.   Best Of: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUjla7U4Lv4   Crazy thorough timeline: http://www.onlineworldofwrestling.com/bios/r/the-rock/   Kevin Hart Baby Photo: https://wjla.com/news/entertainment/someone-photo-shopped-kevin-harts-face-on-the-picture-of-the-rocks-new-baby-daughter   The Rock Concert: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHC2o3E2HcI

Dave is still gone / We will return to our normal schedule next week Show: Kings of the Sofa Season 6, Episode 1: "Mortal Wombat" Genre: Situation Comedy Run Time: 4:44 Minutes Rating: TV-MA (Suggestive Dialogue, Coarse or Crude Language, Sexual Situations, Violence) Summary: Brad holds a garage sale, and when Sherry sells his most beloved stuffed wombat, the guys are amazed at the lengths he goes to in order to get it back. Brent and Patti learn how to bake cakes, so they can surprise their significant others, but the key ingredient in the frosting causes hallucinations. Dave hates his life. Guest stars, Jackée Harry and George Wendt.

This is not a normal Episode. The following is a Patreon shout out to hold you over while Dave is out of town. We appreciate your patience and will return to our normal schedule soon. In the meantime we have a huge back catalog to hold you over please dig back and dust off and oldie. Good morning, Orion What you got here is the virgin broadcast of Radio 1. I trust that you use Radio 1 for all your radio needs, and that's not just because we're the only station on Orion. Instead, I like to think it's because you've got the host with the most. Me. Good old Tanglewire Tom Warson. And if Tanglewire knows one thing, its he's worthy of giving a listenin to. Check out this weeks Patreon Shout out.

On this very special bonus episode of the Sofa King Podcast, we do things a little differently. This is our second installment of our Thanksgiving bonus mojo! So, instead of our usual research-based discussion on topics selected by our listeners, we turn to some fan generated questions about Thanksgiving. Tis the season, after all. If you wonder how we take our food, if we like gravy, how much we drink to drown our sorrows, what we are thankful for, or anything else, this is the episode for you! If you want us to research conspiracy theories, cults, serial killers, and people of interest, guess what? Suck it! Not gonna happen on this one. Go to another episode for all that jazz. This one is all about busting out the cranberries, slathering things in gravy, and letting our belts out a notch.

On this very special bonus episode of the Sofa King Podcast, we do things a little differently. Instead of our usual research-based discussion on topics selected by our listeners, we turn to some fan generated questions about Thanksgiving. Tis the season, after all. If you wonder how we take our food, if we like gravy, how much we drink to drown our sorrows, what we are thankful for, or anything else, this is the episode for you! If you want us to research conspiracy theories, cults, serial killers, and people of interest, guess what? Suck it! Not gonna happen on this one. Go to another episode for all that jazz. This one is all about busting out the cranberries, slathering things in gravy, and letting our belts out a notch.

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we talk one of the deadliest mass shootings in American history, the Virginia Tech massacre. On April 16 of 2017, South Korea born Seung Hui Cho took two pistols on a deadly rampage across this university campus, killing 32 and wounding 17. From students to faculty, he spared no one, until he finally took his own life. So what was his motivation, and why did this event add the notion of mental health into the national debate on gun control? Cho moved to the US with his parents when he was 8 years old. His family claims he was an unnaturally quiet child, isolated and avoiding physical contact even by family. As he got older, he was diagnosed with severe depression as well as selective mutism, and just two years before the shooting, he was ordered by a judge to seek help for his mental health after a suicide threat. Quite simply, he was not well mentally. Once he started as a student at Virginia Tech, he got in some trouble for disturbing compositions in his creative writing classes (he was an English major), and he was also recorded as having stalked a few female students. With all that background, he decided to buy a pistol, and then 30 days later, buy another one. Then, it was time for him to use them. At 7:15 AM, he shot and killed two students in one of the campus dorms at Virginia Tech. Two hours later (after sending a video manifesto to the new), he stormed a lecture hall and shot up several classrooms. The accounts of the survivors show heroism and horror—from a holocaust survivor who died, so his students could get out the window to a newly recruited member of the US Airforce who died a hero trying to keep Cho from entering his classroom. But of course, since this is a mass shooting, things don’t all add up. What makes people think this one is a conspiracy theory, and how does it stack up to other mass shooting conspiracies? Was Virginia Tech complicit due to faulty security policies? What was Cho’s connection to his victims, or were they random? How did he get so many head shots with guns he had virtually no practice with? What did he say in his rambling tirade that he sent to the media? What do Matt Lauer and Jay Leno have to do with any of this? Listen, laugh, learn. Thorough Timeline: https://www.cnn.com/2013/10/31/us/virginia-tech-shootings-fast-facts/index.html

On this episode of the world famous Sofa King Podcast, we talk about history and hauntings of one of the greatest ships ever to sail the seas, The Queen Mary. Now docked in Long Beach, California and used as a hotel and tourist destination, the RMS Queen Mary has had an interesting past and has undergo many transformations before she became the haunted Grand Dame of the seas that she is today. Built in 1930, the construction of the ship was fraught with problems. There was a Great Depression going on, so the company went broke as she was being built. After a few years in dry dock, the Cunard Line who was building her asked the British Government for help. They did, and after forcing some corporate mergers, the Queen Mary and her sister ship were both completed. The Queen Mary was the fastest ship on the seas for several years, and was larger than the Titanic. She was a passenger and mail liner from England to the US for years, until the break of World War Two. When the war broke out, she was retrofitted from a luxury liner to a troop transport and would regularly take as many as 15,000 seamen from Australia to England to help in the war. Known as the Gray Ghost, she set a record for the most people ever moved on one cruise that she still holds to this day. The Queen Mary was so fast that Nazi U-Boats couldn’t catch her; indeed, she was so fast, she once cut another ship in half by sailing right through and cutting it in half! Once the war ended, she ran for several more years until being purchased by the city of Long Beach as a tourist attraction, which she still is today. One of the major draws to this ship now is the haunting. Time Magazine ranks The Queen Mary as one of the top ten most haunted places on earth. There are horrifying occurrences that happen in Suite B340 (which got so bad, they quit letting passengers stay there for years). There are hauntings of both pools on the ship. There is an eerie Lady in White who dances to a silent orchestra. There is the little girl with a teddy bear, the crying baby in the nursery, and the man who was cut in half by Door 13. The hauntings used to be a secret kept by the staff since their knowledge would make people not want to stay there. Now, however, it is a draw, and even though they play it up for business, the history of the ship suggests there is something to the tales of terror from within her decks.