The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast

If you’ve been to a few meetings, you’ve probably heard us say, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” Why do we say this? What does it mean to you? One place this sentence appears is in the Suggested Al-Anon Closing, which starts, In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest. Spencer and Holly talk about “take what you like, and leave the rest”, guided (very) roughly by these discussion questions. * Why do we say this? * Why does it immediately follow a sentence about personal opinions? * Do you remember when you first heard these words? * What did it mean to you, then? * What does it mean to you, now? * How has your understanding of this changed? Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, p. 117, April 26. Upcoming topics An upcoming topic is what valuable lesson did you learn in 2022? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Queen – Keep Yourself Alive The Beatles – Blackbird Alanis Morissette – Guardian

The only promise in the 12 steps is contained in Step 12. It promises that if we work these steps, that we will have a spiritual awakening. Then it asks us to then carry the message, and practice the principles of recovery in all our affairs. Step 12 is really composed of 3 parts. Let's look at each of the 3 parts in more depth. 1. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps * What has a spiritual awakening looked like for me? Did I have expectations about it? When/where/how did it happen, and can I pinpoint it? * How did the stepwork—i.e. working the steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, and reading literature—lead to that awakening? Were there any key moments, events, or experiences that shifted my perception? Did some steps come easier than others? 2. We tried to carry this message to others * What is the purpose of trying to carry this message to others? Do I check my own motives for this before engaging in it? * In what ways have I tried to carry this message? Do I sponsor? If so, how has it helped? If not, why not? Do I share al-anon with others outside program? If so, how) * What have I learned from carrying the message to others? What do I continue to learn from other al-anon members, including newcomers? Do I have expectations about carrying the message to people outside al-anon? How do I avoid control and manipulation while carrying the message? 3. And to practice these principles in all our affairs * What does it mean for me to practice these principles in all my affairs? Which principles? All my affairs? Are there any that do not get the “al-anon treatment?” What if there are no alcoholics, or no alcohol, in one of these “affairs?” What are some examples in my life when practicing these principles in all my affairs has helped me to continue my recovery and to grow? Examples from work? Family life in general? Relationships and friends? What about interactions with strangers? What about fulfilling my dreams, goals, and values? Readings and Links We read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, June 26 and Dec 14. Also Hope for Today, January 3. Kate shared a poem from There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery, by Portia Nelson. Upcoming topics Upcoming topics include what valuable lesson did you learn in 2022?.Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – You've Really Got a Hold on Me George Harrison – All Things Must Pass Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time

We all have stories. In Al-Anon we tell our stories to each other. Why do we do this?  Our suggested welcome suggests that “we say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen.” In fact the full paragraph emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories Anonymity is an important principle of the Al-Anon/Alateen program. Everything that is said here, in the group meeting and member-to-member, must be held in confidence. Only in this way can we feel free to say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen. How Al-Anon Works Chapter 2 There is power in stories. If I read “you should do X and Y to get Z”, my first impulse is to be skeptical. If, on the other hand, I hear you tell a story about doing X and Y and getting Z, I’m much more likely to accept that the same actions might help me.  I look at the Al-Anon literature and see that so much of it is personal sharing, aka stories. The book How Al-Anon Works has x pages of “explication” and y pages of stories. I remember when I was new in Al-Anon, still unable to sleep at night, worrying about my loved one’s drinking. I could pick up the book, turn to one of the stories in the back, and find a little bit of relief, a hint of hope, or a view of possible serenity. And after reading a story or two, I could sleep. Just knowing that someone else had been where I was, and had gotten through, had gotten better, had recovered – that was enough for me at that moment. Some stories are big and dramatic. Others are small and quiet. They all have power to reach into hearts and minds. Whether you share for a couple of minutes in a meeting, or give an hour-long talk, your story will inspire, enlighten, or brighten the day for someone. Here are a few of my stories. * 3 C’s * Psych ward * Ice cream/sponsor * Setting a boundary in the car * Making amends for rage I know that you have stories, both big and small. I invite you to share them for a future episode. Send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or call our voicemail at 734-707-8795. * Discussion points Readings and Links Spencer read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2, and Ashley read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20. These episodes were mentioned in listener feedback * 1, Boundaries. * 3, Acceptance. * 35, Step Eight * 70, LIving with Alcoholism and Addiction * 84, The four M's * 87, Unmanageability * 108, Criticism and Self-compassion * 135, Cooperation and balance * 141, Intimacy. * 196, Resentment * 211, Kindness and Courtesy * 379, Letting go * 380, Awareness and Acceptance * 381, Acceptance is a gift of recover...

What are you grateful for today? I asked that question of some listeners. 16 of you responded with shares, which I have compiled here. Many of you expressed gratitude for recovery, for Al-Anon and other 12 step programs, and for the changes in your lives that have come about. You are grateful for the people “in the rooms” that help you to feel less alone and less lost. And many are grateful for The Recovery Show. Some of you are grateful for health and for the health of loved ones. Gratitude for family is a thread. Some find gratitude in nature. Of course, God and Higher Power receive a lot of gratitude. But there's a lot more in there, so listen to the podcast! Feedback You can share your gratitude, even though they won't be in this episode. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Pauline suggested the song Saviour by Jacob Collier. Jacob Collier – Saviour Eric G mentioned a recovery playlist he has put together, and called out these 3 songs. Sara Bareilles – King of Anything MisterWives – decide to be happy Emily Sandé – Next to Me

What are the four primary ideas? How have they been active in my recovery?. * We are powerless over the problem of alcoholism. * Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable. * Admitting my powerlessness freed me to come to Al-Anon * It took many events to bring true acceptance of my powerlessness * I could not find serenity and peace in my life until I accepted my powerlessness * We can turn our lives over to a Power greater than ourselves. * Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. * I don’t have to do it alone. * The groups and the literature are a source of help / new ideas / tools. * Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. * I discovered that if I listen, if I pay attention, I will get guidance. * “Still, small voice” * Other members * “coincidences”  * The phrase “care of” God is important to me. * We need to change both our attitude and our actions. * What attitudes did I need to change? * I know what is best for my loved one. * It is my duty to “fix” other people. * If I can’t, I am a failure. * What actions came from those attitudes? * All the things I did to try to convince her to stop drinking * Raging * But also, * I’m not allowed to be happy unless others are happy. * It is selfish to do things I want to do, if others don’t want to do those things * My well-being is dependent on my loved ones’ well-being. * I need your approval to know that I am a good person. * And what actions came from those attitudes? * Putting others' needs and wants ahead of mine. * Not knowing my own needs and wants. * Not doing things that I want to do * Approval seeking * We keep Al-Anon’s gifts by sharing them with others. * You were there for me! * When I listen to you, I hear my own experience. (“How is that you are living inside my head?!”) This won’t happen if I’m not in a meeting or talking with another member. * Being a sponsor required that I dig deeper into my own recovery. * Sharing my own ESH reminds me of where I came from and how much progress I have made. It inspires me to keep on working. Readings and Links We read from the 2022–2025 Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, p. 20, “Four Primary Ideas” Upcoming topics You can contribute to our annual gratitude episode. What are you grateful for today? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show

Lisa H is using her recovery tools as she is working in the TV and film industry. My stereotype, at least, of this industry is that it is full of “dysfunctional” situations and people. Lisa came to Al-Anon when her therapist told her that although there was likely no alcoholism in her family of origin, there was an “alcoholic dynamic.” She says, “when I was there, I just felt really felt very safe and comfortable. And I immediately started crying. Like everyone started talking and I started crying and then someone talk and I started crying and then I felt comfortable talking, but then I'd start talking and then I'd start crying.” In meetings, she “really loved people talking. They were talking about the truth of their lives and they were really sharing stories that were very, deep. … And I felt like at the time I was not surrounded by people who were really sharing truthful experiences … somehow I was craving it.” “When I first started, I had that anxiety my chest, like I'd wake up in the morning and I'd have this anxiety.” Lisa got a sponsor and started working the steps. “I woke up one morning and I didn't have that anxiety in my chest. And then the next day I didn't have anxiety in my chest.” She says, “[it] was a higher power miracle that just took it away.” We spent some time talking about how she did her inventory. After she wrote it out, and shared it with her sponsor, then her sponsor would say “Are you ready to let go of this today?” After Lisa said (maybe tentatively) “Yes,” then her sponsor told her to rip it up. This brought us to talking about writing, inventory, journaling, etc. We both agree that writing brings out thoughts and ideas we didn't know we had, that we didn't know we were going to write until we wrote them. Which brought us to the story of what her dad wanted to tell her. And how her writing anticipated the totally unexpected things he had to share with her and her sister. Finally, we got to her experience working in the TV and film industry, and how Al-Anon has helped her do so more sanely. And how she has come to a realization about what she really wants to do with her life. Readings and Links Lisa read from Courage To Change, Nov 7. A listener wrote to recommend the ACA Adult Children Voices Across America podcast. (The link is to this podcast on Apple Podcasts — if you use a different app, you will need to search in that app to see if it's there.) Another listener recommended the book Sober Siblings: How to Help Your Alcoholic Brother or Sister-and Not Lose Yourself by Patricia Olsen. Feedback Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show Carole King – You've Got a Friend This next one has a content warning — it glorifies and celebrates excessive drinking. Cal Drinking Song Joe Cocker – You Are So Beautiful

Are you co-crazy? How can we recover from the state of codependent craziness? Sarah M joined us to talk about her journey of recovery from what she calls “co-crazy”. Her book is titled Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom. Sarah says My path into recovery began when I was sober for 20 years or so and married a guy in the program who relapsed and my life fell apart. Before that I had gone to Al-anon when I was married in 1999 and it began to change my life. Going to Al-anon and working the steps and keeping the focus on myself rather than the other person was the turning point in my recovery.I wrote the book because I have worked with people in recovery for thirty years, and most people I worked with seriously struggled with their codependency.  I often say if my clients could do 2 things: 1) speak up and 2) set boundaries, I would not have a job! So treating the untreated codependency became what my work life was really about—helping people to look at the fear that was keeping them stuck and what was getting in the way..of speaking their truth…I believe codependency kills people. I am very committed to get this message out because focusing on others does not help you OR the other people, that is the delusion that coaddicts live in. My belief is the definition of codependency is simply the inability to be who you truly are. Its all about what others think and feel rather than what you think and feel.The take home message is that life can be soooo much easier and simpler when you just focus on yourself. You can find so much freedom and peace when you stay in your lane—and that you are worth it. That it is ok to feel good about yourself, its not selfish, you don’t have to feel guilty—focusing on yourself actually works so much better for both people… Readings and Links Sarah read a couple passages from her book Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom. It is available through Amazon or directly from Sarah. (Purchasing through the Amazon link benefits The Recovery Show, purchasing it from Sarah means she doesn't have to pay Amazon's cut). In our conversation, we mentioned the podcast Adult Child. Be aware that the host, Andrea, uses explicit language that may not be suitable for all listeners. Several listeners mentioned the Al-Anon book Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses. Another listener suggested a book on dementia that had helped him: The Last Ocean: What Dementia Teaches Us About Love, by Nicci Gerard. In response to a listener looking for resources for a teen whose mother is in rehab, I suggested listening to the stories of recovering alcoholics, such as those presented on the Sober Speak podcast, and that they might want to try Alateen meetings, which are listed on the Al-Anon website, including online meetings available in the Al-Anon app. Talk to the show Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

I recently was asked to lead at an online meeting. This is what I said about loss and grief. Then, I asked some of you to share your responses, and you did! Spencer on Loss and Grief Thank you, Jo. thank you for inviting me. I have some gratitude that today is a holiday in the USA so that, I'm not at work, which I normally would be at two o'clock in the afternoon, which is what it is for me here in Michigan. and that I'm able to share something with you. When Jo asked me to speak, I thought, what am I gonna talk about? And then of course I let it go. And this morning when I had this panic at noon, my time that I thought, oh, no, the meeting is starting and I'm not there. I realized I hadn't thought about a topic. So I said, what's going on in my life right now. And one of the things that is going on in my life right now, and has been part of my life for a while now is, loss and grief. So I thought I'd share some experience, strength and hope, my experience, strength and hope, on that topic. And I'm gonna be reading, from this Al-Anon book a little bit, it's called Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, and it is a book about loss and grief and, how, we can move through them, move into them, with , the tools of Al-Anon recovery. And I will note that this book has very recently been made available as an ebook also. So if that is your preferred mode of reading, go buy it at Amazon or apple or nook or wherever else eBooks are sold., So I wanna start with a reading. and this is a reading that I was at a point in my life where I didn't know that I was grieving. And I, for some reason I picked up this book and different parts of this book have spoken to me at different times in my life. But when I opened the book . There's a section titled the recurring nature of grief. It's right at the beginning of the book, page 14, it says it is often these little changes that catch us by surprise. They seem to come out of nowhere. The day in and day out, disappointments of living with an alcoholic can become commonplace until one day we wake up feeling the effect of all those small losses. Why, we wonder, do we suddenly feel sad about our situation, especially when we may have spent months or even years living this way. Many of us have lived with the notion that grief is something we feel when we have lost something tangible when someone has died or gone away. In Al-Anon. We learn that though the alcoholic may still be living, he or she isn't able to be fully present emotionally, spiritually, or even physically. Recognizing that we are not living the lives we had planned or hoped for, with the person we love is a loss that occurs gradually. Each day, we lose a little bit more until what remains is merely a shadow of the person or life we thought we knew. Living with ongoing grief of this kind can be particularly trying. I'm gonna come back to that reading where I wanted to start actually was this recognition that I had, when I read that passage, that I was grieving the loss of, of something that had been part of my life that had been really important in my life for a long time. and I had recently returned from a conference, for this particular hobby that I was involved in. And while I was at that conference, I just wasn't getting the enjoyment out of it that, that I used to get, and I didn't understand why not. And I was feeling very restless, irritable, and discontent during the conference. And I came home and I picked up this book a few days later and I read that and recognized that I was no longer as deeply involved in this and that I'd been gradually withdrawing from it for quite a while. And it took this conference where there were, several hundred people,

Does your mind automatically tune into the worry-and-fear channel? Are you suffering from worry about your loved ones? What tools have you found to help escape from constant worrying? Gigi joins Spencer to talk about strategies and tools to worry less. We started with some of her story of codependence and worry. She identifies “whispered lies” as a primary source of worry. You may be familiar with the “committee in your head” that tells you all the things you are doing wrong, and all the things that could go wrong. The 4 strategies to worry less are * Get honest (with yourself)* Claim power (a higher power)* Choose a new future* Use your growth practices (aka tools) These connect to the 12 steps roughly like this: Get honest is Step 1, where we admit that the way we have been living isn't working for us (so well). “Claim power” is Steps 2 and 3, where we become aware that a higher power can help us, and ask for that help. We choose a new future in Steps 4-7, and take action to affirm that choice in Steps 8 – 12. And there are tools that help us in getting honest, claiming power, choosing a future, and worrying less. Gigi discovered these strategies and tools for herself, and has shared them with us in her book Worry Less Now. The book describes 50 tools, and we certainly don't talk about all of them. Gigi does give examples of how she has used some of them in her journey to worrying less. Once she got honest enough with herself to break through her denial, she thought “there must be a way to live other than by my will” (because her will was not bringing her happiness). What power could help? We talk about sources of power such as a program of 12-step recovery, the God of your religion, a divine spark within yourself, and a loving community. These are not exclusive — it's possible to reach out to all or any of them. A few tools Mindfulness Meditation is a key to self-awareness and self-honesty, as well as a great tool for getting off the “worry train”. Part of mindfulness meditation is to “watch” your thoughts. And as you're doing that, you might wonder, “who/what is it that is watching my thoughts?” and perhaps realize that “my thoughts are not me!” (Which, of course, means that “my worry is not me”.) Finding a community of support. Many of us find such a community in our recovery program. In fact, this may be the first place we find such a supportive community. But it doesn't have to be the only such place. It is important to pick your “support people” carefully, though. One important characteristic to look for is the ability to listen fully, without interrupting, without injecting their own experience, and without giving unwanted advice! The Serenity Prayer is something that many of us are already familiar with. It is a tool for claiming that positive power we are looking for. The Golden Key is a practice of turning your thoughts away from the problem and towards positive power. If you have a Higher Power called God, then for you it might be a practice of “bringing God in”. Another term is “living in the solution” instead of “living in the problem.” Readings and Links We did talk about Gigi's book Worry Less Now. We could not have covered all 50 tools and the supporting strategies in the time we had together. It is available directly from Gigi, or via other online merchants such as

How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Kathy joins Spencer to dig into these questions and to share some recent experiences that prompted this topic. Our conversation touched on and was inspired by these topics: * Fear and old behavior* Fear of the G-O-D word* How believe in a higher power became easier* A story of “going through the fire to get to the other side” that pushed her into believing* Examples of asking for help and seeing the clear, powerful result of that request* “Faith V2” — really trusting and believing in my HPs path* related to acceptance, powerlessness, willingness, surrender, humility* Kathy's heart issue* COVID and fear of financial instability (and a trip to Disneyland) A friend sent an inspirational quote on the day we were recording the podcast Own ItThis life is yours.Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.Unknown Kathy wrote about this: As we were digging into this and unpacking it as you say, their question was, it’s so overwhelming when I don’t know who I am… choosing what I want is such a big choice I wanted to share this in the podcast because I feel like that’s an HP thing that this question came to me today the strength of trusting in our HP is that we don’t have to know all the answers right now, thats where the faith comes in taking it one tiny step at a time, using my HP for help to see which indicated next step is following my HPs path for me Closing thoughts Choosing faith over fear led me to be able to have serenity even in the middle of an emergency / crisis…  it gives me great comfort to know that I have a HP to lean on, & my loved ones have their own HP and I’m not it my worries don’t fix anything or anyone including myself, so it’s much better for everyone involved if I just let all that go The thing I love about this program is that I can discover tools that work for me, that allow me to have serenity and peace.  Every day, every moment I have a choice – I can either use my tools or not.  If I put the tools down, the next moment I can choose to pick them up again.  My own serenity is up to me, which is the greatest example of self care I can give myself.   I matter, I have value, and my serenity is worth making the effort to keep and protect. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, Sept 8, p. 252 One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Sept 4, p. 248 and March 14, p. 74 Al-Anon Groups at Work, p. 24, Understanding Ourselves (last paragraph) This can be found in the Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, which you can read online or download as a PDF file. Kathy mentioned the Force and Power episode, number 249, which she said is “probably my favorite episode ever on The Recovery Show.” Alateen electronic meet...

Laurel's story begins: My wife was 6 years sober when we met – but not in program. “AA doesn’t work for me”. She remained sober another 6 years. After our first baby and a big move for my career (that put her closer to her family) she decided she “wanted to try drinking again. I think I can do it normally. I’m not the same depressed person I was in my 20s.” I was extremely apprehensive, and extracted all kinds of promises from her that if it became a problem, she would stop. But I also found it impossible to tell her “no” – how do you tell your spouse that you don’t trust them? And stay married? So in 2014, she began to drink casually. I didn’t know then, what I know now thanks to Al-Anon and AA – that this is the big delusion of all alcoholic – that they will someday be able to drink like other people can. As you might expect, things did not get better from there. Her growing family was affected financially by choices her wife made. The hardest blow was when her wife withdrew from intimate relations. Laurel felt betrayed, but continued to try to keep her marriage going. Listen to hear more, and what brought her to Al-Anon and the decision to ask for a divorce. At the beginning she went to 90 meetings in 90 days. She continues to attend meetings and work the steps. Laurel is now using the tools of recovery to take care of herself and her children. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change, January 2, p. 2; June 3, p. 155; and October 7 p. 281. A couple of podcast episodes that have particularly helped Laurel are episode 146, Emotional Safety; and episode 342, Co-parenting with an Alcoholic. A listener recommended the book Mindfulness and the 12 Steps: Living Recovery in the Present Moment. Upcoming topics Our topic for next week is “faith vs fear”. How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the Show George Harrison — Isn't it a Pity Fleetwood Mac – Landslide Iris Dement – Let the Mystery Be

How do you remember the loved ones you have lost? How do you measure their lives? When my grandfather died, my father wrote a thoughtful, personal remembrance of him. At that time, I thought “I’d never be able to do that!” Because of the work I have done in recovery, I can do that. The examples of others who were vulnerable and open in their sharings. The work of self-examination that I did in working the steps (with the help of many others and a loving higher power). My own practice at deeply sharing my own experience in meetings and with program friends. All of these changed me to be able to express my feelings and my understanding and my experience of my mother in this remembrance, recorded at her memorial service in mid-April, 2022. Music from the Show Rent cast – Seasons of Love Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Teach Your Children

How is acceptance a gift of recovery for me? In March, 2021, I gave a talk at an online conference. I tried to follow this outline. What is acceptance?  What is it not?  * Not “giving up”* Not saying “this is ok”* Recognizing reality How do I use acceptance? * Not “crying against the night”* Opening possibilities for change.* Doing the “next right thing”* Reduce expectations & resentments Early acceptance: Step 1: Powerless over my loved one’s alcoholism.          Recently: accepting my parents’ aging and illness. Dementia: triggering because memory problems reminded me of the active drinking days. Grief: losing the parents I had known for decades (all my life!) Denial: it’s not that bad. Actions: * Wanting them to move into assisted living.* OK, now what?* Learning to enjoy the time I had with the people they were becoming.* Photo albums & videos* Caring for them physically Feedback How have you experienced the gift of acceptance? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

How do you practice awareness and acceptance? How have they helped you to take actions that change the things you can? Eric and Spencer were invited to share at an online AA conference as the Al-Anon speakers. Eric chose to talk about awareness, and Spencer about acceptance. Naturally we both included the “3 A's”, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. The theme of the conference was The Language of the Heart, based on Bill W.'s writings for the The Grapevine, a monthly publication of Alcoholics Anonymous, as collected in a book titled The Language of the Heart. Music from the Show Edie Brickell & New Bohemians – What I Am Jewel – Hands

What do you want to let go of? What is preventing you from completely letting go? Eric was inspired by a meditation he heard on the Insight Timer app, titled She Let Go. A very rough outline of our conversation follows: * What does it mean to let go? * Stop doing things that I don’t have the power to carry out (control someone else, e.g.) * What am I letting go of? * Resentment * Anger * Anxiety * Blame * Fear * Shame * Expectations * Catastrophizing the future * The past * The need to be right, to win, to control * Old behavior * “Need” to react to triggers. * Responsibility * Dependence on others * What tools do I have to help me let go? * Slogans * Let go and let God. * How important is it? * Would you rather be right or be happy? * Easy does it. (let go of anxiety) * One day at a time. (let go of worry) * Live and let live – let go of trying to live someone else’s life for them and live my own * Neutral responses * You could be right. * Oh. * Random thoughts * I have no dog in this fight. * Not my circus, not my monkeys! * Let go or be dragged. * Meditation * “Turned a 12-cylinder type A Leo into a 6 cylinder hybrid. Learned to slow down.” * “Why?” * “Drill down” to find something I can actually do something about. Example: I am afraid of my loved one’s drinking. Why? I am afraid that I will lose them. Why? I am afraid of being alone. * When I let go of things I don’t like, I make room for new things (hopefully better things) to come in. * Recognize “alcoholic” behaviors * Provoke conflict * Create anxiety * When I let go of other people’s stuff, I can live my own life. Readings and Links We read from Reaching for Personal Freedom, the Step 1 chapter; Courage to Change, March 5. The poem “She Let Go” was written by Safire Rose, and you can listen to it on Insight Timer, read by Jack Godsman. Al-Anon books can be purchased online at the Al-Anon Store. Patti asked about episodes on regaining trust. There are 3 about trust: How do you trust? – Episode 281, Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228, and Trust – Episode 91. In addition, this search turns up other shows where trust was a topic in some respect: