2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

Today's the day. We're off to San Francisco to start our jouney on ALC 6. The 2 Homos will be gone for the week, but we'll be back with more shows and a whole lot more stories after that. If you've missed some of our earlier shows, now is a good time to dip into the archives and get caught up. See ya in about a week!

The Girl Scouts...teaching young women everywhere how to swim, how to sleep in large tents with other women, how to sing folk songs around the campfire on an acoustic guitar, how to shower out in the open with other girls...and how to do whatever it takes to sell more than 17 thousand boxes of cookies in the grocery store parking lot.

For the second time in the last five years the great state of California has made it legal for gay couples to get married. It's time to hide your pets, your young children and your vegetables, because the next thing that will happen is that gay people will want to marry those, too. That is...until next November when the people of this great state try to pass a constitutional amendment to strike it down.

It must be some kind of cruel joke in the universe when there are beautiful young ladies who are as flat as an ironing board and then there are grown men with torpedo tit man boobs all living on the same planet. At least we now have a name for it....moobies.

New at Target this season...Garanimals for office decorating. All you do is match the animal shapes on the tags of all the office products you need and you won't have to worry about color schemes and whether or not things match ever again. The Office Garanimals collection includes everything from staplers, office chairs, wall art, area rugs, to conference tables.

Should you have multiple wives or just get whores...it's a tough choice. Sister wives are there whenever you need them, they take care of the kids all day, but then you have to deal with all of them PMS'ing at the same time. Whores come over only whenever you need them, you pay them only for the time they're with you, but you always take the risk of picking up a new STD when they come over. Either way...it's going to cost you a lot of money.

Sorry guys...this one had to be done. All the men may want to tune out right now as we talk about the collateral damage that takes place from having to menstruate every month. Think of all the good Lesbians could do in the world if we didn't have to spend money on period supplies, fill up landfills with used tampons and pads, and spread PMS hate and anger across the planet once a month.

Physicians in ancient India were doing reconstructive work using skin grafts as early as the 8th century BC. In 1855, English inventor, Alexander Parkes, created the earliest form of plastic. In 2006, nearly 11 million plastic surgeries were performed in the U.S. alone. One can only imagine how many tries it took to get the nipple to look just right after plastic breast implants.

Karma is a serious bitch. It's nature's way of making sure that no bad deed goes unpunished and making sure that everything gets set right in the world so that things are always in balance. Unfortunately, she also has a wicked sense of humor...and she likes to laugh.

They may not want us to get married, they may not want us to teach their children, they may not want us to live in their neighborhood or go to their churches. But, when it comes to collecting taxes, you can be sure that the American government doesn't care what you believe in or who you choose to spend your life with. They still want as much of your money as they can possibly get on April 15.

There are moments in life that take you by surprise, that take your breath away, and make you realize something about yourself that you never knew before. It's those moments in life that make us realize that maybe we're not as adventurous and open-minded as we thought we were. When it comes right down to it...we're really just plain vanilla after all.

Some say that the third time is lucky. Others say that bad luck comes in threes. If you're planning to travel to Las Vegas or anywhere in Southern California in the next couple of months you may want to re-think your plans. If we buy tickets in our third attempt to try and break the hex to see "Mamma Mia", it's possible that there may be a natural disaster of monumental proportions just to make sure we don't see it.

If it got lost...it's going to be found. Somebody, somewhere will pick up the stripper heel that you left by the side of the road. Even if you think you lost your period forever, you can still get pregnant. There is only one simple exception to this golden rule, however, and that's your virginity. That's never coming back.

Next year when February 13 rolls around, don't forget to honor that special woman in your life. She's the one who really understands you, she pays attention to you, she knows exactly what you need even before you do and she knows how to make you feel good. Best of all, she's the one who will actually let you try all those funky positions your wife just rolls her eyes about. Take time out to show her how special she really is by buying her flowers on Mistress Day at the same time you buy your wife flowers for Valentine's Day.

When Eileen Chaiken decides to retire "The L Word" after next season, we're ready to step in and take over. We've already assembled a cast of writers...and we know exactly what the next plot lines will be. Once again, we're there when you need us.