Summary: step 8 Step 8: We made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. Do to others as you would have them do to you. Luke 6:31 Evaluate all my relationships. Offer forgiveness to those who have hurt me and make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others. Happy are the merciful. Happy are the peacemakers. We started doing repair work on the personal side of our lives earlier in our recovery by admitting our powerlessness, turning our lives and wills over to God’s care, doing our moral inventory, sharing our sins or wrongs with another, and admitting our shortcomings and asking God to remove them. But now we begin to do some repair work on the relational side of our lives. Making your amends is the beginning of the end of your isolation from God and others. So, in the words of Step 8, it is time to “make a list of persons that we have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all.” At this point, you are only looking for the willingness. Step 8 only requires that we identify those to whom we need to make amends or offer forgiveness. Luke 6:31 reminds us to treat others the way that you want to be treated. For some of you, that may be very difficult. You have been hurt very badly or abused. Many of you had nothing to do with the wrong committed against you. Let’s look at the second part of Principle 6: “... make amends for harm I’ve done to others, except when to do so would harm them or others.” Listen as I read Matthew 5:23–24: “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.” answer the question, How do I make AMENDS? Admit the hurt and the harm Make a list Encourage one another Not for them Do it at the right time Start living the promises of recovery The A is ADMIT the hurt and the harm. Principle 4 showed us how important it is to open up to God and to others. Your feelings have been bottled up far, far too long, and that has interfered with all your important relationships. In this step of your recovery you need to once again face the hurts, resentments, and wrongs others have caused you or that you have caused to others. Holding on to resentments not only blocks your recovery, it blocks God’s forgiveness in your life. Luke 6:37 (gnb) tells us, “Do not judge others, and God will not judge you; do not condemn others, and God will not condemn you; forgive others, and God will forgive you.” Do you know that you can become addicted to your bitterness, hatred, and revenge, just as you can become addicted to alcohol, drugs, and relationships? A life characterized by bitterness, resentment, and anger will kill you emotionally and shrivel your soul. They will produce the “Three Ds”: Depression Despair Discouragement An unforgiving heart will cause you more pain and destruction than it will ever cause the person who hurt you. Let’s move on to the D in amends: DO it at the right time. This principle not only requires courage, good judgment, and willingness, but a careful sense of timing! Ecclesiastes 3:1 (tlb) tells us that “There is a right time for everything.” There is a time to let things happen and a time to make things happen. There is a right time and a wrong time to offer forgiveness or to make amends. Before making amends, you need to pray, asking Jesus Christ for His guidance, His direction, and His perfect timing. Principle 6 goes on to say, “... except when to do so would harm them or others.” Listen to Philippians 2:4: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Don’t wait until you feel like making your amends or offering your forgiveness; living this principle takes an act of the will! Or perhaps I should say a crisis of the will. Making your a(continued)
