Summary: Ahh, the holidays. A time for selfless giving and sharing ourselves with loved ones and the occasional strange ones near and far. A time to present our favorite people, pets and neighbors, colleagues and cohorts with presents they’ll love us forever for. It's a time to loosen our purse strings to charity, tax write-offs and special causes. You get my point: it’s time to give until it hurts. This year, though, I’d like to introduce a new way to engage the holidays, and every day, for that matter. Instead of giving until it hurts, how about we open to receiving until it heals? Years ago, my friend Alice presented me with a gift for ‘no good reason.’ Actually, she wanted to present me with a gift. But I wouldn’t let her. Why? Because it made me feel weird that I was empty handed and hadn’t bought anything for her. It wasn’t Christmas, her birthday or a graduation of any kind, so I had no occasion to get her a gift, not to mention the fact that I didn’t think I ‘deserved’ one from her. In retrospect, I realize that I didn’t feel worthy of receiving on lots of levels. Still, my well-intentioned friend insisted I take it. I insisted that I not. I won. Yet we both lost. Once upon a time, a very nice man took an interest in me. We dated; things threatened to get serious; I bailed. Why? Because it made me feel weird that I was emotionally empty handed and felt I hadn’t really brought anything of value to our budding relationship. I was young, he was stable, not to mention the fact that on some level I didn’t think I ‘deserved’ real happiness or a sincerely nice guy. In retrospect, I realize I didn’t feel worthy of receiving on lots of levels. Still, he tried to convince me to give him a chance. I insisted that I not. I won. Yet we both lost. Sound familiar? I've got lots of reasons why I wasn't ready for an emotional close up at various points throughout my past. I cover points like these in previous posts, too. For starters, I can point you to my Birds, Bees, Fire and Brimstone post, or my Victims post, or The List, and even the PS I love You post, too. All of these entries talk about how important – and hard sometimes – it is to acknowledge the wreckage and wounding of our past in order to clear it, to let go of old loves, lusts and losses in order to make room for the real deal, the new deal. And I assure you, it won't be the last time I tread on that turf. So here’s why receiving is at least as important as giving: when we’re open to receiving goodness in our lives, we emit an energy of gratitude for and faith in the unseen goodies that have yet to appear on the scene for us. Being in this kind of energy is what's magnetic in the best kind of ways and, consequently, healing. It has the power to warm and unlock what you thought was a cold closed heart and it can melt the barnacles of busted relationships like butter while you're at it, too. The American psychologist and lecturer, David Seabury said, Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others. I'm all for that. When we give ourselves permission to receive all things in a spirit of openness and appreciation — without being driven by small-minded agendas or fear-based limitations predicated on the past (along with fear of the future based on the past!) — we get to participate in a cycle of good that all but invites others to give to us. And let’s not forget that in the act of giving, someone must also receive. Otherwise, nobody wins, remember? Think about it. How open are you really to inviting your your good past the front door? Put another way, when’s the last time you denied your gifts — which include random acts of kindness, offers of friendship and support, sincere compliments, no-strings-attached tokens of love and affection, rampant joy, belly laughs just because, and all those myriad opportunities that tried like the dickens to land in your lap.
