Summary: Guilt trips are usually the result of us being judged by someone who feels we haven't done, agreed with or been what they think we should. The person judging us then makes their disappointment clear in an overt attempt to make us feel guilty for whatever it is they think we've done wrong - and hopefully get us to change our minds. These comments can be very pressurising and, particularly if repeated, can make us feel very uncomfortable or even manipulated. It can be helpful to try and understand why some people attempt to guilt trip us in this way, and then look at some ways we can respond effectively. This great topic comes from one of our listeners, Tamworth, via twitter and includes some examples of how people can lay the guilt trip on thick. Guilt Trippers - Why Do They Throw Guilt? Guilt trippers or guilt throwers may or may not be aware that they are being judgemental in this way, but are even less likely to understand the reasons why they are doing it in the first place. Often, it is an unconscious belief or fear they have, that they are projecting on to us - i.e. it is their issue! It could be that they are unable (or unwilling) to recognise the behaviour they are judging in themselves, so they react strongly when they think they see it in someone else. Or they are simply feeling guilty about something themselves, and are trying to avoid that guilt by pushing it on to us. The fact that they are likely to be unaware of why they are doing it means they are also unlikely to recognise how inappropriate their behaviour and judgement is. So whilst we cannot change or fix them, we can look at a few ways to respond effectively when someone tries to guilt trip us. Tips on How to Respond The first thing to do is to double-check how comfortable you feel with your original decision. A guilt trip can cause us to feel bad if we already have doubts about the decision we made or the reasons for it, but if you definitely feel your decision is the right one for you, then in this podcast Paul and Sam share a few tips on how you can respond to a guilt tripper. Sam and Paul also share some questions to consider if it seems like there are a number of different people who are trying to guilt trip you so that it is starting to feel like a theme... To read the article that inspired a Crucial Conversations style tip, find it here: http://www.crucialskills.com/2012/05/crucial-conversations-for-kids/ Or for more info on Crucial Conversations, visit: http://www.vitalsmarts.com/crucialconversations/ Remember though, that taken a step too far, guilt tripping can be a form of bullying - so if you feel you could be being bullied, please do seek support from an appropriate source like http://www.bullying.co.uk/ (UK) or http://www.stopbullying.gov/ (US).
