#2 Boring Objects “HAIR” - Jason Newland (11th August 2021) 5 HOURS TALKING WITH MUSIC
Summary: Hello and welcome to Jasonnewland.com. My name is Jason Newland and this is boring objects, please only listen when you can safely close your eyes.<br><br>Today, I'm going to talk about hair cuts. I've had quite a few haircuts over the years, otherwise my hair would be really long, probably unmanageable, possibly a health and safety issue.<br><br>I imagine if I had never had a haircut, my hair would really get in the way. I'd probably trip over my hair, and because I've got such curly hair it may knock people off their bikes when I walk down the street because my hair sticks out like curly toilet brush. Which is part of the reason why I have my hair cut is otherwise it would keep growing and nobody deserves to see that.<br><br>In fact, when I was in my early 20s I used to have long hair and I had to keep it in a ponytail otherwise no one else was able to work in the same room as me, because my hair took up so much space. Sometimes it use to try and escape out of a window.<br><br>Someone once told me that they thought my hair was a triffid. I remember saying to him "what's a Trifid?" He told me a trifid is an alien plant that grows very big and attacks humans. I said my hair is never attacked anyone and he said, "I'm not saying that your hair has actually attacked anyone, but it looks like it might do".<br><br>I said "Wait just there", and I apologised for speaking so quickly, but I was angry. In fact I don't think that I ever been so angry. He said, "that's OK, we all get angry at times. So what are you angry about?" I said, "Well, you compared my hair to an alien plant that hunts humans and I don't think it's fair to compare my hair to an alien. So there!"<br><br>He said, "That almost rhymed", and I answered that I noticed that, yeah. "So Is that us done now?"" He asked. I said "What do you mean?" He said "Is that the the end of our conversation?" <br><br>I said "Well, I guess so. Unless there's something else about me that you wish to ridicule." He nodded his head and put on his trousers and quickly exited the restaurant.<br><br>When I thought that he was gone he poked his head through the window and shouted to me "You know what mate?" I said "I don't". He said that it wasn't really a question it was just the beginning of a sentence. I said "oops sorry for interrupting you, I didn't realise that you were planning to say more words.<br><br>He said "Yes, I really was prepared to say more!" So I I took the loaf of bread out of my mouth, put it back on to the table next to me, which didn't seem to be appreciated by the people eating and I turned around. I spun fairy very quickly but unfortunately I didn't transform into Wonder Woman. Luckily, I was wearing the costume underneath my waiters uniform and just as I was ready to have it out with the rude customer my phone rang.<br><br>When I answered the phone, the voice on the other end said to me, that, when I'm in a field with my hair out of the ponytail, astronauts can see me from Mars without telescope. This seemed slightly unlikely and cruel because I can't help how my hair is. Then one day my whole life changed when I was in seduced by a pair of scissors. Up until that point I didn't realise that my hair could be cut. So I wrote a poem about it but I've forgotten where I put it.......
