A Therapist Walks Into a Bar

Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today to talk about the end. It’s the end of the third season of this podcast. A season full of stories about what it’s like to be living in these minds and bodies. But it’s also the final episode of this show. I want to quickly add, before you have a chance to react, “at least for now!” I want to imply the show could come back to make this ending feel like not a big deal. But let’s not do that. Let’s just take a moment to let it be. This is the end of the show. Afterall, resurrection fantasies are another defense against loss. As much as I want to just ghost on this ending, I'm not going to. So in this episode, I go back to some of the people who've been on the show before and talk about endings and why acknowledging them is important. And I take this chance to say goodbye to you and to the podcast. Credits: Writer/Producer - Lily Sloane Sound Designer and Composer - Lily Sloane Story Editor - Emily Shaw [emilyshawcreates.com] Thank you Dani Scoville, Molly Merson, Jessica Brown, Kip Williams, Dusty Porn, and Al Anzola for taking part in this funeral...I mean, episode. If you want to stay up to date on my new projects, follow me on Twitter @lilyrosesloane and sign up for the newsletter at atherapistwalksintoabar.com, which I’ll transition away from being about this specific podcast - and don’t worry, emails will still be fairly infrequent. To check out my other work and see if you want to hire me for something, visit lilymakessound.com. You can still hear me talk about therapy stuff every week on Radical Advice which is live on BFF.fm Tuesdays 10am-noon Pacific time. If you can’t listen live, subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts and tune in whenever. You can submit life questions by visiting radicaladviceshow.com. Episode Image: Original Photo by Jaime Borschuck [jaimeborschuk.photo], adapted to black and white and ghostified by Lily Sloane

When it comes to making babies, it can often feel like there are only 2 choices and you have to feel 100% happy with your choice once you’ve made it. Oh, and also, no matter what choice you make, people will judge you. While I grapple with my own uncertain future, Nuala has made a decision that doesn't fit neatly into any category. The choice to have children is not quite like other choices in life because it’s pretty untakebackable. But like many other choices, saying yes to one thing and no to another can be full of complicated feelings. - Featured Guest - Nuala Sawyer lives in San Francisco with her partner Bryce, dog Kazu, and cat Suki. She's a reporter for SF Weekly and freelance writer. You can find her at www.nualawrites.com and on Twitter @TheBestNuala. - Credits - Producer: Lily Sloane Story Editor: Emily Shaw Original Music & Sound Design: Lily Sloane Episode Image: Qairin Qusyairi Ooi by Mohd Fazlin Mohd Effendy Ooi (used under creative commons) To learn more visit www.atherapistwalksintoabar.com.

In this Radical Short I talk to Dave Nadelberg, co-founder of the stage show, television series, books, movie and more that make up Mortified. In the last episode of A Therapist Walks Into a Bar, "The Presence of Past," I shared some clips from my performance in the stage show in Oakland. But this thing, where people get on stage and read from their adolescent diaries, share poems, songs, plays they wrote - it actually happens in chapters all over the world. Several months ago, on my sister show Radical Advice, I chatted with Dave about how all this got started. Learn more about Mortified at www.getmortified.com Learn more about Radical Advice and submit a life question at www.radicaladviceshow.com and find the archives or tune in live at www.BFF.fm Learn more about this show at www.atherapistwalksintoabar.com Become a patron at www.patreon.com/atherapistwalksintoabar

There’s this cliche, that all therapists want to do is make you talk about the past. Even though I often reassure new clients that I won’t make them talk about anything they don’t want to, it’s not untrue - a lot of us do want to know about your past. Because the past is never actually in the past and the present and the future are intricately tied to it. But like any historical research, piecing our own pasts together is both vital to self-understanding and fraught. And our understanding of history changes with who we are in the present. / Credits / Producer: Lily Sloane (www.lilymakessound.com) Story Editor: Emily Shaw (www.emilyshawcreates.com) Original Music & Sound Design: Lily Sloane Additional Music: "Colocate" by Poddington Bear and the original theme to The Jedediaries by Marshall York Find The Jedediaries at www.thejedediaries.com or wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you Josey Baker, Torrey Paquette, and Ada and Linden for lending your voices to this story and Mat Stevens for helping me interview Jed. Clips from Mortified were recorded at the New Parish in Oakland, California March 10, 2018. I highly recommend the Mortified TV series on Netflix, the podcast, and live shows. www.getmortified.com Become a patron of the show at www.patreon.com/atherapistwalksintoabar.

Radical Shorts are a glimpse into some of the incredible conversations I’m having with all kinds of interesting people on my sister show, Radical Advice, a weekly live show on BFF.FM. In this Radical Short, San Francisco and Berkeley based psychotherapist, Larry Lariosa, and I try to answer a listener-submitted question a lot of us are struggling with right now: “I can't handle the news but I can't stop tuning into it. Even if I take like a week off, as soon as I go back it's like a daily terror festival. More like a runaway train and knowing there is no driver and I can't find the brakes. I don't know how to cope through another minute of this crazy bullshit. What can we be doing to make Trump go away? How does someone like him get what he needs to stop tormenting so many of us?” Learn more about Larry at larrylariosapsychotherapy.com. If you'd like your life questions answered, visit radicaladviceshow.com. Tune in to Radical Advice on BFF.FM Tuesdays from 10am-noon PST or subscribe to listen in your podcast feed on your own time. Become a patron of A Therapist Walks Into a Bar by visiting www.patreon.com/atherapistwalksintoabar No new show until July! Until then, also check out this related episode https://www.atherapistwalksintoabar.com/why-the-resistance-needs-therapy.html And to prepare for what's coming in July, subscribe to the Jedediaries where ever you listen or visit www.thejedediaries.com. Thanks for listening!

When performing is a normal part of all our lives, on stage or off, what does it mean to be authentic? What is a “true self”? I’m hoping an opera singing drag performing therapist, some strangers in a bar, and a dead psychoanalyst can help me figure it out. This episode features San Francisco drag performing artist, Dusty Porn (aka San Francisco psychotherapist Paul Ziller). To watch Dusty's performance in the Miss California Gold Pageant this year, follow this link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTzs5sbZ5nw&feature=youtu.be Credits Producer: Lily Sloane Story Editor: Emily Shaw Music & Sound Design: Lily Sloane Thank you to The Little Shamrock, one of San Francisco's oldest bars, and the strangers there who opened up to me. "Firenze Church Choir" by mmiron used under creative commons. The file length was altered and effects were added. Become a patron of the show and collect some sweet rewards! Visit patreon.com/atherapistwalksintoabar

For this Radical Short, we time travel all the way back to February, when my colleague Lauren Selfridge, host and creator of the podcast This Is Not What I Ordered, joined me in the studio and we answered a listener question about why feeling is important - even if it does hurt sometimes. Produced by Lily Sloane Find This Is Not What I Ordered at www.thisisnotwhatiordered.com and all the podcast listening places. Radical Advice is live Tuesdays from 10am-noon pacific time on www.BFF.fm and you can find past broadcasts archived on the website or by subscribing to radical advice in your favorite podcast listening place. If you want your life questions answered on Radical Advice, please visit radicaladviceshow.com. You can submit your question anonymously right there on the site. Or you can record a voice memo and email it to me at lilysloane@gmail.com. Become a patron of the show by visiting www.patreon.com/atherapistwalksintoabar Find the show on Twitter @atwiabpod; Radical Advice @radical_advice; and Lily @lilyrosesloane

In the last episode, we explored defense mechanisms - all the things we do to cope psychologically with various threats in our day to day lives. One of the biggest threats we find ourselves defending against as conscious beings is the unknown in its many forms. So in this episode we’re gonna dig into all of that excitement - like, how we develop narratives and strategies to get through uncertainty. And what happens when life tears through those structures like an F-5 tornado. This episode features an interview with Phoebe Judge of the podcasts Criminal and This is Love. Produced by: Lily Sloane Edited by: Emily Shaw Music & Sound Design by: Lily Sloane Episode Image: "who am i?" by paurian via creative commons. Image is altered to black & white. This episode features a clip from "All the Time in the World", episode 68 of Criminal. Thank you to Arthur Mac's Tap and Snack and strangers at the bar who opened up to me. Thank you Garrett Tiedemann for talking through some philosophy with me for this episode.

In a new bonus segment of A Therapist Walks Into a Bar, which will release on the third Wednesday of each month, I pull the best moments from my sister show, Radical Advice, which airs live on Tuesdays from 10am-noon PST. You can tune in at BFF.fm. This time, San Francisco psychotherapist, Brian Thompson, and I call his mom, Noreen, a psychiatric nurse, for help answering a listener's question about their childhood imaginary friend. If you want your life questions answered, visit www.radicaladviceshow.com and click submit. This episode was produced, edited, mixed, scored, etc. by me, Lily Sloane.

For decades, the field of psychology has been interested in understanding the myriad creative strategies we employ to cope with life's inevitable discomforts. But right now, I wonder if I can convince you that your defense mechanisms might be the key to knowing who you are as an individual and who WE are as a collective. And maybe, just maybe the ways we defend ourselves against the things that scare us are unfairly getting a bad rap. ​I say, the best defense is the one you know. This episode features Molly Merson, a psychotherapist in Berkeley, CA. Learn more at mollymerson.com. Credits Produced by: Lily Sloane Edited by: Emily Shaw Additional Editorial Support by: Rueben Ly & Keith Menconi Music & Sound Design by: Lily Sloane Episode Image: "Tauben in Stein" by mingusmutter via creative commons. Image is cropped and brightness has been adjusted. Thank you to the Wooden Nickel and the friends and strangers at the bar who opened up to me. For a complete transcript of the episode, visit https://www.atherapistwalksintoabar.com/the-best-defense.html

We've all got baggage. And as a psychotherapist in private practice, I help people unpack a lot of it in my office. But what if I went out looking for it? From complete strangers? In this episode, you'll learn all about the emotional baggage I collected in my Halloween costume this year. Produced: Lily Sloane Editorial Support: Nuala Sawyer, Dani Scoville, and Emily Shaw Music and Sound Design: Lily Sloane Additional Music: "Green" by Robby Kharr Emotional Baggage Voice Actors: Aura Aguilar, Simon Batistoni, Julene Beeson, Bryce Bishari, Jessica Brown, Chris Bunting, Vince Campillo, James Greene, Aaron Gotwalt, Christine Hutchison, Caryn Kesler, Molly Merson, Gili Neglar, Hannah Paessel, Jesse Rhodes, Nuala Sawyer, Dani Scoville, Ben Sloane, Mat Stevens, Brian Thompson, Clarice Torrey, Allisa de Vogel, and Ben Ward Clip of Esther Perel on the podcast Why Oh Why, from the "Stage a Fight" episode, used with permission by Andrea Silenzi Episode Image: "Full of Tricks" by StefSince1985 used under creative commons license Thank you Ben Sloane and Aura Aguilar for letting me interview you in the bar. Thank you to all the strangers and friends who shared you emotional baggage.

Here's the return of an old favorite just in time for Halloween season! Ghosts. You’ve seen the movies, nervously giggled and gasped over the stories at slumber parties, or like me, cowered in your sleeping bag in the other room to avoid hearing about it. Maybe you’ve even had an encounter with something you’d call a ghost. According to a 2009 Pew Research Study, 18% of Americans say they’ve seen a ghost and 29% believe they’ve been in touch with the dead. That’s pretty significant, so in this episode, I'm gonna dig in and explore what it might all mean. This episode features special guests, Kay Fahlstrom, Elaine Chan-Scherer, Melanie Kay Mitchell, and strangers found in Golden Gate Park. Producer: Lily Sloane Editorial support: Jesse Rhodes Field support: Katy Bullick Theme song: Topher M. Lewis (remixed by Lily Sloane) Closing song: Stacey McGuirl Additional music & sound design: Lily Sloane Special thanks to Abby Volk and everyone else who listened to me ramble on about ghosts.

In light of the recent emboldening of white supremacist groups in the US, Seeing White II revisits the topic of whiteness as explored in Episode 1: Seeing White. What do white people need to do right now to show up and fight internalized and externalized fascism and white supremacy? This episode features excerpts from my interview with Zara Zimbardo, adjunct faculty at California Institute of Integral Studies and co-founder of The White Noise Collective. www.conspireforchange.org Produced By Lily Sloane Music + Sound Design By Lily Sloane "I Am Not The Angry Racist They See" Written + Read By Christine Hutchison Special thanks to the people who showed up to protest in San Francisco and to those who were willing to let me interview them. Episode Image Silver Spring #ReclaimMLK Sit-in 26 by Stephan Melkithesian used under creative commons.

Communities of gay men and the larger LGBTQ communities continue to face challenges from trauma to addiction, to ongoing discrimination. But that's not the full picture. In this episode we explore the challenges while also talking about the incredible strengths and resilience of gay men. We headed to a few bars in the Castro during Pride Week and asked some of the men we met to tell us their stories about facing – and overcoming – challenges. The Expert Jamie Moran is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over thirty years experience in mental health and health care settings, focusing on gay men dealing with depression, grief and loss, HIV/AIDS, family, homophobia, intimacy and relationship issues. He has extensive training and experience facilitating groups in varied settings encompassing diverse groups of people. Jamie provides psychotherapy for individual adults and couples. He is also a certified group psychotherapist, currently leading six groups in the bay area out of offices in San Francisco and Menlo Park. www.jamiemoran.com Credits Written & Produced by: Lily Sloane + Kip Williams Theme Song: "Maruumba" by Topher M. Lewis Additional Music + Sound Design by: Lily Sloane Philadelphia Pride News Clips: More Color More Pride Pride Flag, Drag Race Finale, Gay Men's Golden Girls | Gay Weekly Roundtable Philly Unveils New Pride Flag (CBS Philadelphia) Gay Rainbows Can Have Black & Brown Stripes - The New LGBT Pride Flag | David Levitz Episode Image: "Together" by John St. John (used under creative commons) Special Thanks to the strangers at the bar for talking to us as well as Twin Peaks Tavern and The Mix for letting us hang out. Visit atherapistwalksintoabar.com for links and more information.

Most of us know what it means when we say a person went “unconscious” or “lost consciousness”. But deeply imbedded in the roots of psychology’s history is the idea of The Unconscious - a psychological phenomena that is inherent to the human psyche and whether we like it or not, influences a tremendous amount of our behavior from who we fall in love with to racial discrimination. As part of the ongoing "Brief Psycho-Education" series, in this episode Lily breaks down what The Unconscious is and makes a case for facing all that we've kept hidden from ourselves and others. CREDITS Written & Produced By: Lily Sloane Music & Sound Design By: Lily Sloane "Come as You Are" Instrumental: Original song by Kurt Cobain, cover by Lily Sloane Role of Anais Nin Performed By: Anna Howland of Anna Howland Psychotherapy Role of Carl Jung Performed By: Kurt Kohlstedt, producer at 99% Invisible and founder of Web Urbanist Editorial Support Provided By: Jesse Rhodes, Molly Merson, & Stacey McGuirl Interview & Concept Support: Jessica Brown Episode Image: jayhem by Andy NoTanx Special Thanks to the strangers at the bars, Kip Williams, Aurelie Goldblatt, & Adam Foster. REFERENCES A Fist Full of Dollars (1964) (clips used during "Wild West" song) Westworld Season 1, Episode 10 (2016) Anaïs Nin, A Woman Speaks: The Lectures, Seminars and Interviews of Anaïs Nin C.G. Jung, The Essential Jung: Selected Writings