8/12/2022 0 Comments We have moved to a new siteSorry, forgot to make a post here, but just in case you don't follow me on one of my social media sites, the blog has moved. Check out the new blog at: transramblings.net
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6/23/2022 1 Comment Lost Emotionally
(Note: There is an audio version of this blog post at the bottom of the page for those who desire or need it)
Hey everyone, it’s been a bit since my last article. Honestly, I just haven’t known what to write. Things haven’t been all that good lately to be honest. Had several seizures. Got sick and threw up. Been struggling with my friendships. It’s been a rough time this past month. One of the biggest changes during this time is that I no longer know at all how to discern what I’m feeling or why. Don’t get me wrong, I never had that much emotional intelligence. I couldn’t identify any feelings other than “depressed,” “sad” or “complete apathy.” Now, I can’t identify anything. I never know what I’m feeling or why. A major part of this is the fact that I really don’t talk to my friends anymore. When I regularly was talking to them, I had no choice but to identify what I was feeling and why. Now? I never have to and have lost practice. I struggle to even identify when I’m depressed now. I genuinely have no idea what I’m feeling 99% of the time unless I’m sad. I’m just completely lost emotionally now. I don’t know what I’m feeling, how to handle it or understand what others are feeling or how to deal with theirs. I’m genuinely completely clueless at this point when it comes to emotions. I know I need to be able to at least identify basic emotions, I just don’t even know how to begin at this point. I’m just lost. 5/29/2022 0 Comments A Desire to Never Be Fulfilled
(Note: There is an audio version of this blog post at the bottom of the page for those who desire or need it)
Before we start, I want to make something clear, if I were to be a parent, I would adopt. I wouldn’t have my own biological child. Anyway, on with the article: So, something that generally does not haunt me anymore, though it used to, is the fact that I will never be able to give birth. I’ve much made my peace with it at this point. That said, now I am learning to deal with the fact that I will never be a parent at all. I genuinely do not know how I could possibly ever be a parent at all. And frankly, that is kind of depressing. I was watching some TikTok videos a friend sent me about parenting and breaking the cycle. It made me do some thinking. I ended up thinking about two different things. The first thing is this: there is no way in hell I ever get married. Frankly, it’s just not something I care about at all. I just genuinely do not see myself ever getting married. It’s not something I desire, and even if I did, I struggle to hold down the two friendships I currently have. I have no social skills and extreme trust issues. Like, even people I know I can trust I don’t trust. No way in hell could I ever hold down a marriage. I don’t have the maturity, emotional or mental stability to ever do so. I know some would say marriage is not needed to be a parent, but if I were to parent, I would want to provide my kids with the most stable home I could, which would require a partner. Second, most importantly, I would be a terrible parent. I was abused. My parents were abused by their parents. My grandparents were abused by their parents. There’s a cycle of abuse in this family. I don’t want that to continue. I don’t want to be one of those selfish people who have kids just because they want them with no care to being fit to being a parent. I know I wouldn’t be, as much I want to be a parent. Because of the abuse, frankly, I don’t know how to treat others as they should be treated, especially kids. I have had to help watch kids in the past (one of my dad’s old jobs was running a ministry for refugee and immigrants and so me, dad, and my sisters often had to watch the kids while the mothers learned English), and frankly, the moment the kid started threatening my authority it all went to shit and I became as abusive as my parents…with my parents right there watching it and supporting it (for the most part). I do not trust myself to treat the kids as they should be treated. Plus, I am completely inept at emotions. I don’t even understand what I feel most of the time, so how could I ever deal with a kid’s emotions and help them with stuff? In addition, my mental and emotional health is terrible, and that will be felt by the children, affecting them. That wouldn’t be fair to them. Furthermore, I was so sheltered growing up. I have had so few real-world experiences, especially ones that others have had, ones considered normal. How could I help my kids go through the world when I don’t know what it’s like to go to school? I don’t know what it’s like to deal with friendship drama. I rarely had friends growing up and almost none of them last longer than a few months. I didn’t get to watch what others were watching, or listen to what others were listening to, etc. I often was kept inside the house for months on end, not allowed to go out and interact with others or even leave the property. Never got to interact with culture much. How could I be a good parent with such a background? 5/24/2022 0 Comments Leaving the Trans Community(Note: There is an audio version of this blog post at the bottom of the page for those who desire or need it) I want to make something clear: I no longer want to be considered a part of the trans community. I am currently planning to end my podcast and I will be changing the name of both this blog and my Tumblr blog. I will also be removing “trans” from my social media bios. I want to clarify, I am not saying that I am no transgender, I am, but I do not want to be associated with the community any longer. I’m struggling to figure out how to explain myself in all honesty. Frankly, the white trans femme community is toxic. It expects you to transition “the correct way,” it expects you to pass according to their standards, they anoint themselves the defenders of the trans community while ignoring voices more marginalized than theirs (such as black trans women), act as if they are the biggest victims of transphobia, act as if they cannot be racist, ableist, etc., make their entire identities being trans, are privileged as fuck, and frankly are so stereotypical that as soon as I know you’re a white trans woman I know exactly what your interests are (Star Trek Discovery, Star Wars, anime, My Chemical Romance, Pokémon, and a high chance at being into Dark Souls), job is (programmer, some other tech related job or work in the legal system), and political leanings are (anarchist). Frankly, I do not want “being trans” to be my sole identity. It is an important part of who I am, but I want more than to just be trans. I want to be remembered for more than being trans. But I also want to do actual work for the trans community. The white trans femme community is facing little actual persecution. For most white trans women the most oppressive thing they will ever face is J.K. Rowling writing out transphobic tweets and Dave Chapelle making transphobic jokes. If shit ever hits the fan, most white trans women I have talked to and observed are well off enough to escape to another state that is trans-friendly or even to another country. The average white trans woman will never face actual persecution. They are too well off. Most either have tech jobs, are lawyers, or transitioned later in life when they have plenty of money to live off and don’t have to worry about a thing. But, because they’re trans they believe they understand oppression despite being well off, able bodied, and white. I have seen too many posts by white trans women who claim that they can’t be racist because they’re trans and therefore “have no power.” Apparently, being trans cancels out white privilege. While I am not black, I have read articles and tweets by black trans women who have stated clearly that this is a slap in the face to them. White trans women still experience white privilege in “normal” ways but also in ways unique to being trans. You know how the trans community loves talking about how many trans people get killed? Well, last year there was a record number of confirmed killings of trans people: 57. 8 of them white, 2 of those who were white were trans men, and only two of the white trans women could have lived with any sort of comfort (the others were stated as being poor or homeless). All the rest of those who were killed were black, indigenous or Hispanic. In other words: unless you’re a white trans woman who is poor, your life is not at stake and you better never on Transgender Day of Remembrance say something like “it could have been me.” No, it couldn’t have been. Congratulations, you had some privilege stripped, but you are far more privileged than almost any other group. I’m tired of seeing white trans women praise each other for how well they pass and shun those who don’t. I’m tired of judgement for using an informed consent clinic. I’m tired of seeing these privileged trans women act as if their experiences are normal and then appropriate being oppressed. Like, congrats on having money to get surgeries, to get voice training, on being able to pass, and being able to start presenting as yourself in safe spaces. I couldn’t and can’t. I’m poor as hell, have been homeless and didn’t get to start presenting as myself until I was homeless and faced a lot of harassment for it. I don’t have the money to get enough clothing of my gender even. I don’t pass, I don’t have a voice that’s consistently passing as female. Even through all that, at least I still have the self-awareness to recognize that I am still despite all this privileged in the trans community for being white and (mostly) able-bodied. Most don’t. So, I want to focus on fighting for things that matter. Right now, there’s a crisis going on for elder trans people. Many doctors, nursing homes, etc. do not treat trans people the way they should be treated, and sometimes may even straight up refuse them their hormones or referring to them by their correct names. Elder trans people need to be taken care of, but where do they go? This is a real issue that needs to be addressed, but most queer news sites and most prominent online trans figures would rather talk about what J.K. Rowling just said. The majority of trans people getting killed are poor and persons of color, but well-off white trans women would rather pretend they’re the ones getting attacked. What we should be doing is focusing on supporting and listening to black, indigenous, Hispanic, Asian, and poor trans folk (non-binary, trans men, trans women, agender, etc.) to listen to their experiences, the hurdles they face, and follow them to help in whatever way we are able (and notice, follow them, let them say what it is they need, let them be the leaders in their community). Focus on making it easier to access hormones and making it mandatory for doctors to learn how to treat trans people. These are just some examples of things we could be focusing on that would better lives rather than sitting on Twitter whining about mean jokes by a comedian. Personally, I am planning on finding how I can get out there and help those who need the help, rather than try to fit in to the white trans femme clique. Maybe, it’s time to use my privilege to benefit those who have less or none by listening and learning from them and finding how I can support them. I’m done trying to be part of a community I could never be a part of anyway. It’s time to focus on those outside of the clique and how to better their lives. 5/19/2022 0 Comments 3 Years of BloggingThree years ago I opened up a blog on Blogger and started writing. At that time I was still going by the name Nicole rather than Anna and I had just accepted the fact that I was trans. At that time I really had no idea what I was doing and my topics were all over the place. I would write letters that I wanted to give my parents but couldn’t, talk about my struggles with my dysphoria, and also write posts about my favorite video game reveals at E3 and favorite songs. It was unfocused and all over the place. Now, I’ve pretty much found my niche and stick to it. Doesn’t get that many readers, most articles are in single digits in terms of readership, but hey, I’ll take any readers I can get. I’m not going to complain. When I first started blogging, I was pre-transition and very suicidal from dysphoria, along with being financially, emotionally and verbally abused by parents. I had no friends at all. Now, I have two friends (both online). I was not a part of the trans community at all, and now I’m still not really, but I tried and realized that I hated the community because I couldn’t relate to anyone else in it. I was a Christian who was struggling with whether you could be trans and Christian or not. Now, I’m not a Christian (but not because I decided that being trans and Christian was impossible. I stopped being one for other reasons as outlined in my last article). These last three years have been rough. I am as depressed as ever, though less suicidal. My transition hasn’t gone too well to be honest, but at least I’m transitioning. Been out of a job for over a year and a half, I’ve been homeless, I have experienced starvation. But, on the flip side, there has been good: I am transitioning. I have friends. Sure, only two and both are online friends, but still friends. People actually pay attention to me for once which is a major improvement. So, anyway, thank you all for reading these last three years. Here’s to many more. 5/12/2022 0 Comments Probably Not A Christian AnymoreI don't think I'm a Christian anymore. Frankly, I no longer call myself one at the very least. It's not that I necessarily don't believe in the Bible, it's a whole lot other things that make me realize that I don't think I'm a Christian anymore. So, where do I start? For starters, my theology is too different from anybody else's. Conservatives' fundamentalism and belief in Biblical literalism is stupid as hell. Their fundamentalism is built on beliefs that are mostly outright rejected in the Bible or are built upon purposeful mistranslations (such as the verses that seem to condemn homosexuality. They're purposeful mistranslations). Their Biblical literalism is literally historical revisionism. I'm not even talking about actual history, I'm just talking about church history. Church fathers up until a few hundred years ago scoffed at such beliefs. In addition to that, we have to pretend actual world history and science aren't things that exist. That said, progressives are no better. They reject basically everything in the Bible other than it's social justice stances. The Bible is very pro-social justice, sorry conservatives, and progressives are right to focus in on these verses. Unfortunately, most of their other theology is at best, harmless but void of anything to do with what the Bible teaches, and at worse, blatant heresy. They reject miracles. They reject that Jesus died and rose again. They reject hell, or at least that hell is a punishment. They reject Biblical teachings on salvation. I orginally had a whole rant written out that was going to go here, but then I realized it would probably just make me look bad and hurt some people I don't want to hurt, even though to be honest, I want to just slap some sense into them badly. But, I am actively working on not burning bridges willy-nilly and taking others emotions into account, as much as that runs counter to my nature as an INTP. Anyway, continuing on: Christianity is just an exercise in feeling good. Then, there's more problems, people fretting over the tiny details of everything instead of focusing on the bigger picture which is important. Instead of focusing on the broader vision of the church, who God is, theological positions, etc., too many focus on the minute details. This is stupid, divisive and does absolutely nothing for anyone. This helps people to try to create a God in their own image rather than the one actually in the Bible, because the one in the Bible makes them uncomfortable. They find that anything that makes them uncomfortable about God makes Him "unloving." It's the "logic" of children, and yet, it's the default stance of the Christian church. The church is all about emotion and frankly, appealing to the lowest common denominator. My favorite part is how they tell you that church isn't all about you, it's not about emotion, it's about God! It's ok if you don't feel anything during worship or during sermons, just suck it up and go to church no matter what, even if you don't fit in! Just go, do it for God! Then, they immediately turn around and do everything to make the worship songs as emotional as possible to get a emotional reaction out of you and then craft their sermons to appeal to your emotional state as possible. So, which is it church? Is it not about me and about God, or is about me and not about God? You by trying to make the service an emotional experience automatically makes it about those in the audience by appealing to their emotions. You don't get to turn around and then tell them it's not about their emotions. I'm honestly convinced CS Lewis was correct about music in church: it doesn't belong. Then, the sermons are specifically catered to get an emotional reaction out of you and written as shallow as possible because "you never know if someone who has never been to church before is there." I'm tired of shallow sermons. I'm tired of hearing the exact same damn sermon I've heard one hundred times before. I promise you, whatever it is you're preaching on in the New Testament (the only part you're allowed to preach out of in Christian churches, apparently), I've heard that same sermon many times before. I'm tired of pastors writing their sermons to appeal to the least educated in the crowd. I want something deep and meaty. I get nothing out of your sermons. I can remember many small groups, but never a sermon. Honestly, it's not even worth going to church, just go to a small group. You'll actually dig into the Bible and if they do singing it's not to bring out emotion in you. Anyway, the church is all about making you feel good. It's fake. It's all so fake. To be completely honest, I find conservatives to be far closer to God than progressives. When I think of all the Christians who you could tell there was something different about, when I think about the Christians who pushed me in my faith, it was almost exclusively conservatives. I find their theology on God and salvation to be the only acceptable ones based solely on reading what the Bible actually says. I see conservative Christians acting out their faith far more than I do progressives. Sure, conservatives have horrible theology on marginalized and poor folk, it's horrendous and must be condemned strongly (along with their Biblical literalism), but for the most part I do think their theology and actions are far closer to Christ than progressive Christians. And I will say something that will upset many progressives: having correct theology is in fact, quite important. It's not everything, but it is definitely very important. Not only do conservative's theology align more with the Bible than progressive theology, like I said, I see them actually living out their faith and acting it out far more than progressives, and it's not close. But hey, pride flag outside of progressive church even though they do nothing to serve the neighborhood and aren't welcoming to new-comers. Progressive theology is vapid and shallow. It's void of any substance and frankly, completely disregards the Bible in every way other than it's social justice verses. Then progressives are all ears. Otherwise, the Bible gets thrown out, especially on it's morality teachings. While conservatives are too strict in their views on the Bible, progressives have the exact opposite problem where you wonder why they even bother calling themselves Christians because they have so little regard for the Bible. Anyway, to wrap all this up: the church has no place for logic. It is a realm of emotion and emotions only. It exists solely to make you feel good. In addition to all this, I have no theological home. What church could I go to? There are none. I have the choice between affirming congregations who are liturgical (and I despise liturgical crap) and have nothing to do with the Bible, don't live out their faith, and are unwelcoming, or go to a conservative church which hates my mere existence, but lives out their faith, welcoming to new-comers, and aren't liturgical. I literally cannot even go to church to worship with others. Plus, the only affirming church within walking distance doesn't even take COVID seriously. So, what's the point? What is the point of being a Christian? I cannot find one. I cannot find one reason to remain to a Christian. EDIT: Basically, to be honest, the only reason I say "probably not a Christian" is because I hate absolutes. I like to keep my options open. If I'm being completely honest, I'm not a Christian. But, my desire to have options keeps me from straight out saying it. Once again, it's not from lack of belief. I don't actually disbelieve what the Bible says, there's just no place for me in the faith. 5/4/2022 0 Comments Why Live?I have given up on ever feeling as if I'm part of a community. I genuinely feel like I'm an alien upon this earth. I find myself unable to relate to others. I don't understand emotions. I don't care about the interests every one has, mine are too different. My political beliefs put me at odds with the queer community. My religious beliefs put me at odds with the queer community. Being queer puts me at odds with Christians. I don't know how to socialize or be someone others want to be around, and no one has the time to put up with me as I try to learn how. Even my own family doesn't like talking to me because I'm so bad at it. I'm too much of a coward to kill myself. I want to die though. I always wanted to be dead by age 25 and to be honest, that desire has only increased over the years. I mean, it's not like I'm physically healthy either. My body is so broken down that it's getting hard to be mobile, and my cognitive functions aren't there anymore. What's the point in living? I want death, the sweet release of death more than anything. I can't hold down friendships. I can't even get a single fucking job. I feel alienated and isolated. I live with my parents (who abused me growing up and are still kinda transphobic among other quite problematic things) because I have no other choice. I want death. I have no more will to live. Things never get better, only worse. That's the only consistent thing in my life. Things only get worse. What's the point in living?
5/2/2022 0 Comments Who Am I?So, it’s been awhile since I’ve posted. To be honest, I didn’t know what to say. There was so much going on that there’s no way I could have made a coherent article. Plus, my mental health made a major drop and I have been exhausted. I have not been sleeping well at all. Most days I can't focus on anything at all. Some days I just spend resting. It's been rough. Anyway, enough about that. So, I don't know who I am. I've been pretty open for a bit now about my religious struggles. I don't know if I'm a Christian anymore. In fact, I doubt it and have been considering leaving the faith. So, that's already been on my mind, but now I have a new thing on my mind: I have no idea what my gender really is. I don't know if "woman" really fits me. Sometimes it feels like it does, but much of the time, it doesn't. A lot of the time I don't really find that any gender label fits me. To be honest though, I wonder if I would even have this problem if I really identified with other trans women. Like, I just don't fit in at all in trans femme spaces and don't relate to them for the most part. It wasn't until I realized that I just don't relate that I stopped really finding the label "woman" to fit. Now, I don't know what I am. Like, I know that I NEED a female body, that's not up for debate. I will be on hormones to live with a woman's body till the day I die. But, what gender am I? I don't know. After realizing I just cannot relate at all to other trans women my gender has been thrown into question. We'll see where all this goes. I don't know for now. 3/14/2022 0 Comments An Updated View On ChurchI have honestly given up on ever finding a community or making friends offline. It’s something that just won’t happen. One of the communities I would like, in theory to find is a church. I do want to be part of a church. BUT, the problem is that all the affirming churches are liturgical and the congregation is basically nothing but old people. Last year I went to church for a whole two weeks before my car broke down ensuring I couldn’t. I went to one of three openly affirming churches in the area, and the one with the youngest congregation. What I learned was that having the youngest congregation meant the average age was still 75 and that the reason it was “the youngest” was because it had about 6 adults between the ages of 30 and 50, and three kids between the ages of 8 and 12. I don’t think there was a single person there within 10 years of me. And this was the youngest congregation! Most of the time while I was there I was looked upon with suspicion by the old people there, constantly looking at me and wondering why I was there. The only people who said anything to me was an elder of the church and a guy collecting donation envelopes and neither seemed to want to be saying anything to me. Everyone there was dressed up really nice, and I hate that. I can’t stand churches where you’re expected to dress up nice. Then, there was the style of service. It was so traditional. I just can’t do it. I just can’t. I’m sorry, I need a more modern style of service. I’m not saying rock concerts for worship or a charismatic pastor with witty one-liners and memorable catch-phrases. I’m saying, your average evangelical church down the road from you with 70 people that sings mostly 80’s and 90’s choruses but has that one recent worship hit on the radio to stay hip with the times and has a pastor who preaches for 30 minutes and often has props or tells some story about a time they screwed up badly. I’m sorry, but I NEED that kind of service. I genuinely cannot do the slow, liturgical type of service. My mind cannot be shut down. Asking for my mind to stay quiet for more than three seconds is like finding a unicorn. Not going to happen. Meditation and hypnosis do NOT work for me at all. Believe me, I have tried a lot. I need something that is fast paced enough that my mind won’t get completely caught up in it’s own thoughts. Liturgical churches are too slow for my mind. The slowness ensures my brain stops paying attention. Average Joe evangelical church down the road churches are usually the right speed for my brain, not too fast, not too slow. The only variable is the person who’s preaching. Very hit or miss, though to be honest, tiredness also affects that greatly so it’s not always the pastor’s fault if I stop paying attention. That, and to be honest, I find the liturgy and tradition to be stifling and limiting. I find it hard to truly worship God when it’s prescribed to you how to do it. I need things to be more free-flowing, and that goes for anything in my life. I get that some people love the liturgy, as in, seemingly every Christian who’s progressive, especially queer Christians, but I absolutely despise it and my two weeks going to one only made me hate it more. I just don’t see how one could worship God in such an environment, I really don't. Yet, if I want to go to church and be a part of a community of believers, I will have to go to a liturgical church that’s filled with no one even remotely around my age. Honestly, I don’t see how it’s worth it. What’s the point of going to church if you are unable to relate to anyone, no one will be able to relate to you, and you can’t worship God in a way that’s authentic to you? To be honest, it makes me even wonder if it’s worth being a Chrstian at all if there’s just no place for me. Like, there’s clearly not a place for me in the body of Christ, so what’s the point? It feels as if I’m just wasting my time being part of a religion that has no place for me, no place I belong, no place where I can grow, no place where I can serve. 3/4/2022 2 Comments IsolationThe only thing I feel anymore is a feeling of isolation from the world. To be fair, I have mostly felt this my entire life. Even as a kid, most of my "hanging out" with others was with my parents or sisters. I didn't spend much time with friends (and oftentimes I didn't even have friends). Today, as an adult, the only people I have to spend time with are my parents. Many evenings are spent sitting on a couch watching YouTube videos with both of them, or watching shows or movies with mom, or just sitting on the same couch as mom as we read different things. I just feel so isolated from the world. It makes it worse when I see my youngest sister who is still at home so consistently talking with friends on video calls, going out with friends, etc. My parents don't really have the time to hang out with friends, but they at least do occasionally, stay in constant contact but are in contact with a lot of other people who they spend time with for various reasons. Whenever I go onto Twitter, Instagram, or Facebook, it seems like it's full of pics of others spending time with others. When I talk with the two people I know who I can consider friends (on messaging apps. I have met one offline because I used to work with her, and she now lives in Ohio, the other friend lives in Oklahoma, and thus have never met her offline) they have others they spend time with and are meeting others. It really makes me feel absolutely terrible about myself. I have so little experience actually making friends and holding on to friendships. I mean, almost all my friendships died within a year because I suck at maintaining them. Problem is, I'm socially awkward, I am terrified of actually being around people, I am not a good vocal communicator at all, and a lot of other things. Plus, God seems intent on ensuring I never meet others. In August of 2019 I decided I was going to break out of my shell and try to spend time with others and go out and meet others. I was actually breaking out of my shell finally, and then COVID hit at the beginning of 2020. That came to and end. Last fall I decided it was time to break out of my shell again, and go out and meet others. Then, within two weeks, my car broke down ending that. I still cannot drive my car. Nobody wants to hire me. I keep applying to different jobs and nobody calls back, so I don't even get the chance to meet others at work. It feels as if God is doing everything He can to make my life as miserable as possible, like He's seeing how far He can push me before I finally give in and kill myself. I know it's not God though and that blaming everything on Him is wrong, but it feels that way. I know it's wrong though. Another way I feel isolated is religion. In trans circles it seems as if you're a Christian, you love traditional Christian stuff and you love liturgical churches. Heck, it seems as if that's the only way to be a Christian who is on the left at all. The only three affirming churches in my area are liturgical. I went to one for two weeks before my car broke down. I just felt out of place. It didn't feel right. I don't like liturgical stuff. I don't care about traditional Christian stuff. It does nothing for me. At all. My mind is too hyper-active. These churches are too slow for me to pay attention, and if I am paying attention, I am bored out of my mind and end up going back to letting my thoughts run a mile a minute meaning I'm no longer paying attention. That, and I was too scared to actually meet anyone. The only two people I spoke to were two people who worked for the church who introduced themselves to me. I hid in the very back in a corner where people wouldn't pay attention to me because the thought of meeting others scares me that much. My terror of being around people I don't know is greater than my desire to meet others. So, yeah, I don't even relate to anyone when it comes to Christianity. Everyone is into the liturgy, observing weird Christian holidays like Ash Wednesday, and I cannot relate to that at all. I don't want anything to do with any of that stuff. But, all the trans Christians or left Christians I know are into that kind of stuff. It just makes me feel all the more isolated, especially knowing that those are the only types of churches I would be welcome in. To be honest, I wonder if it's even worth it to remain a Christian. I already doubt my salvation due to my distrust of God, how rarely I talk to Him, how rarely I worship Him, etc. Now, because the only community that I could be part of is one I cannot relate to or want to be part of because it won't do anything to edify me, and I won't feel comfortable getting involved with, knowing others, being active in ministry, etc. I don't know whether it's worth it or not. I feel isolated in other ways as well, but right now, this is all I have the energy to talk about. I'm just depressed, have no energy and am tired. So, that's all. |
AuthorHi! I'm Anna, a currently transitioning transgender woman! I started my blog "Ramblings of a Trans Woman" as therapy for gender and identity issues and abuse from my parents and church. Hopefully, someone else out there can get something from this. If you want to talk, just get in contact with me, there's plenty of ways how and we'll discuss the best way to talk! Archives
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