Table Reads show

Table Reads

Summary: Shawn, Josh and Jeff work tirelessly to bring to life the screenplays that Hollywood tried to keep from you! Movies that were never made, but should have been! Movies that were never made and for good reason! Movies that definitely should NOT have been made, but you kind of wish you could see them anyway! These brave scriptonauts subject themselves to scripts good and bad (mostly bad), acting them out and editorializing for your entertainment!

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 51: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Platoon, Part 2 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3624

Continuing onto part two of the not-at-all-terrible-but-inappropriately-named Roger Rabbit prequel, Roger Rabbit 2, Roger and Richie become roommates and jump into the bustling Hollywood dating pool. There are acting auditions, chases involving angry military men and, of course, an ominous portent of Pearl Harbor!And the best part is, it's actually funny! Like, intentionally! (don't get used to it)Join in the fun with Roger and the gang, subscribe if you'd like the content as soon as it posts and don't forget to check out the rest of the great podcasts on! 

 50: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Platoon, Part 1 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4572

In honor of Table Reads reaching 50 episodes, we have a special treat that breaks tradition: A legitimately GOOD script! That's right, the aborted prequel to Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, it turns out, is a genuinely good, fun read. But it's our special treat to you and not just an accident because we don't read these things in advance, no sir.Why it's still called "Roger Rabbit 2" when it's a prequel is anyone's guess, and we've yet to meet any Toon Patrol, but this script shows Roger's humble roots in Kansas, the quest that brings him to Los Angeles, and his fateful meeting with a certain girl named Jessica...And that's just in part one! As lifelong fans of Roger, we can't wait to see what the rest of the script brings, especially if it's half as good as this part. It's kinda messing up our show by being so good, but we can't help but enjoy it anyway.So give it a listen and don't forget to subscribe!

 49 - The Crow 3, part 6 (Finale) | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 5569

It's the shocking finale of The Crow 3: Resurrection (of the 80s)! That's right, the late-90s homage to the best of 80s Cop Action Flicks Wrapped in a Crow Premise finally wraps up as we discover the secret of the bad guy's plot, establish The Crow in the familiar face-painted guise we're familiar with and find out what the hell the creature in that box is! HAHA, JUST KIDDING. Literally none of those things happen (Spoiler). All that we really learn is that you can cobble together a sequel to a movie that you don't understand, fill it with tropes and clichés from a dated and dead genre and ignore any semblance of a coherent story and 25 years later, some assholes will mock it on a podcast! We truly hope you enjoy this last part of The Crow 3: Die Really Hard. Do yourself a solid and subscribe! And if we're not available to subscribe to on your favorite platform, send us an email at and we'll make it happen.You can also follow us on Twitter: @TheTableReads

 48 - The Crow 3, Part 5 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3754

Kato and his partner Sarah are finally reunited, but Kato is promptly taken away by men in white coats because no one believes that he's part of a secret government agency under the direct purview of the president. Also, Lacking a Danny or a Kelly for the girl roles, Shawn attempts to read Sarah as Jim Gaffigan's "audience thought" voice for the entire script. Will Kato convince his partner that he's a super secret agent? Will we ever see some Crow-style makeup? Will this script ever begin to make any amount of sense?? To find out, Listen and Subscribe!!

 47 - The Crow 3, Part 4 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4187

We're a little late posting this morning because, while everyone was worried about a writer's strike causing a stoppage of quality content, WE were up all night following the news because we were worried we'd lose the awful garbage that keeps us sustained. Speaking of which: It's time for part 4 of The Crow 3: Resurrection! Now that our hero has finally started some post-near-death badassery (aka, dick-ripping), surely this script will get into more familiar Crow territory and become the neo-gothic, angsty action vengeance flick we've been waiting for, right? Right? Spoiler: No.Once again, Trevor and Shawn are joined on this adventure by their old friend Jimie Williams (seriously, he has grandkids). Unfortunately, Danny had a scheduling conflict and was unable to join us, so we all had to split the voicing duties to his characters. Needless to say, we wish he'd been there.Oh, and hey, if you're listening to this on a platform with some sort of button that says something along the lines of "Subscribe," go ahead and click that button. See what it does. I've always been curious.

 46 - The Crow 3, part 3 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4127

The Crow 3: Die Hard and then Come Back for Revenge continues onto part three! Kato, still in a drooly, catatonic state, drools some more! The bad guys have a bad drug and a mysterious creature in a mysterious box! There are JUNKIES! And a mean HOSPITAL ADMINISTRATOR! Will our hero manage to persevere over all these odds? Does he have enough drool to save himself and the ones he loves? Does anything remotely Crow-like even happen in this Crow Sequel? LISTEN AND FIND OUT! THEN SUBSCRIBE!

 45 - The Crow 3, part 2 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3852

In honor of Easter, which was mere days ago, we continue reading The Crow 3: Resurrection (because, get it, Easter... Resurrection..?)!In Part 2, things pick up! There's more than one scene, for one thing... That's right, there are wedding bells, interrupted by gunfire -- because why not keep checking off the cliches?? -- the events that will lead to our hero becoming the Crow finally come to pass... but apparently, that Crow is taking a long goddamn time to make its way to him. This episode features Jimie Williams and Danny Gorbachov helping to round out the cast and take some of the load off of Trevor and Shawn. Enjoy! And don't forget to subscribe!

 44 - The Crow 3, part 1 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4513

Happy Tuesday, Read Freaks! Today, we're bringing you part one of a new Feature; The Crow 3: Resurrection, written by the very same guy that wrote such 80s classics as 48 Hours and Die Hard... Yes, DIE HARD. And, as if to prove he had written those movies, this abandoned Crow sequel has every single 80s cop movie cliché in the book... right down to a forklift being involved in a shootout on the docks!For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by Jimie Williams and, new to Table Reads, Danny Gorbachov! Sadly, Kelly could not join in on this script, but she'll be back soon.In the meantime, enjoy The Crow 3, part one of which is one big 80s cop movie action scene. I'm not kidding. Like, the whole episode is just this one action sequence. The guy had some clichés to check off his list, what can I say? Oh, and if you haven't already: SUBSCRIBE ON YOUR PLATFORM OF CHOICE (please).

 43 - A Sweet Kid, Part 2 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 2959

We pick up with our drug dealer with a heart of gold and his mystery woman after they've gone back to her place for some... wine. We conclude Jericho's tale and move on to talking about the origins of the project and what would have come next, before conversationally meandering all over the place.This week's guests are Kelly Leveille and Jimie Williams. 

 42 - A Sweet Kid, Part 1 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3760

Taking a break from pop culture's greatest mis-fires, the gang turns to their own oeuvre, picking a script written by Jimie, based on an idea by him and Shawn. It centers on the kind of likable drug dealer that idiot screenwriters think exist. Smart, artistic, really concerned with the well-being of their customers... you know, REALISM. This drug dealer's world is turned upside-down when he meets a mysterious woman at a coffee shop (not a Starbucks, though). This is a relatively quick read, covered in just two episodes. So enjoy making fun of the first half and we'll see you next week for part two!And, hey, don't forget to subscribe!

 41 - E.T. 2: Nocturnal Fears! | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3723

Remember the light-hearted wonder of 1982's E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial? Apparently, Stephen Spielberg didn't when, that same year, he wrote a 9 page outline for a sequel, rife with child torture, alien abduction and overtones of intergalactic race war! Oh, you think I'm joking? Then give a listen to our reading of this horrific follow-up to one of the most beloved films of all time. Guest-starring Jimie Williams! 

 40 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 8 (FINALE) | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3622

It's been a long road, but we've finally reached the end. Welcome to the last installment of our reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian!As Beetlejuice's "Juicifer" rampage continues, Lydia, along with the Beatniks (ugh), the Deetzes  and Otho try to get everyone to safety and fight to stop the dreaded Beetlejuice! But how? It's not like the answer to stopping him was clearly established in the first film and even alluded to earlier in this one! Be prepared for the climactic... well, no. It's not really. Honestly, even with me telling you right now that the ending is entirely anticlimactic, you'll still be astonished at how much of a climax it isn't when it happens. I can even keep talking it up and it's not spoiling a thing. It doesn't matter what I say, you'll never imagine just how tame it actually is. So enjoy this last part!Next week, we have a tiny one-off for you as a palate cleanser! And, between now and then, expect a BIG ANNOUNCEMENT from Table Reads! We're very excited! So stay tuned!Also, subscribe and shit!

 39 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, Part 7 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3905

THIS IS IT! The moment you've all been waiting for! The PENULTIMATE installment of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian!Okay, I know you're really waiting for it to be fucking over, but this is the only way I can get through this, so let me have it, okay?ON THE UPSIDE: Beetlejuice finally gets to... Beetle..juicing...? The Ghost with the Most unleashes his full ghostitude! We also learn that screenwriter Jonathan Gems believes Easter Island to be in Hawaii (see above) and we get the most well-written, subtle environmental subtext that Gems can manage. The caveat there being that he is very clearly a VERY bad writer. So keep that in mind. So, without further adieu, please enjoy our 39th episoide, part seven of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian.Also, like us on Facebook, subscribe to the podcast on iTunes or Stitcher or Google Play! OR ALL THREE! FOR SOME REASON!

 38 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 6 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3979

Welcome back to the Deetz Paradise Resort, where you'll find more than your typical allotment of beachgoing beatniks, fuckable cacti, and culturally ambiguous hawaiian witch doctors! This week, we tackle part 6 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian by Jonathan Gems. Or it tackles us. Because, whoof. It is rough. This week features the resolution of a love quandrangle between a goth, a ghost, an inaccurately-labeled beatnik, and a catus. Well, a tree. Named Cactus. And I want to be very clear ALL OF THAT IS REAL, I DIDN'T MAKE UP ANY OF IT. It also features, what else? A fucking surf competition. Give it a listen and see if the Fonz turns up. At this point, anything could happen. Also, please check out our redesigned site at and, special announcement, we're now available on Stitcher AND the Google Play store! If we're not on your favorite podcast platform, let us know and we'll make it happen! With so many options to choose from, you can't possibly have a reason left not to SUBSCRIBE!

 37 - Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian Part 5 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3579

Trevor, Shawn and Kelly resume reading of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian, in which Jonathan Gems continues to prove how little he understands any of these characters, their motivations, the basic idea of the whole concept or even the art of screenwriting. There’s a surf competition, a lot of dancing, and a lot of utter fucking nonsense. Join us for part five of our Master Class in why this shit never became a movie.


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