Table Reads show

Table Reads

Summary: Shawn, Josh and Jeff work tirelessly to bring to life the screenplays that Hollywood tried to keep from you! Movies that were never made, but should have been! Movies that were never made and for good reason! Movies that definitely should NOT have been made, but you kind of wish you could see them anyway! These brave scriptonauts subject themselves to scripts good and bad (mostly bad), acting them out and editorializing for your entertainment!

Join Now to Subscribe to this Podcast


 66 - Six Million Dollar Man, Part 7 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3307

The stunning FINALE of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man! The final confrontation between Klatch and our hero, Steve Austin... and the fate of the world hangs in the balance! Or so we're led to believe. In reality, a script that is MUCH longer than it needs to be, still somehow ends up feeling like the ending was rushed to get it in under a 4 hour run-time. Remember, if you want to read a 173 page script from 1996 that reboots a property from the 70s by stringing together every cliché on Earth, you can download it at!

 65 - Six Million Dollar Man, Part 6 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4316

After taking an extended hiatus to completely overhaul our lives, the studio and the show, TABLE READS IS BACK! We left you hanging in the middle of Kevin Smith's utter masterpiece *cough* The Six Million Dollar Man, so we have picked up right where we left off...As we re-join our hero, he's setting off on the mission for which he was created: Stopping Klatch!This episode features a Bond-Villain-Like Mountain base, a Die-Hard-Like ventilation shaft incursion, robot ninjas and enough exposition to choke a blue whale to death! Oh, and guard sharks. Yeah. Really.

 64: Six Million Dollar Man, Part 5 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4402

Having faced off against the mysterious Klatch, Steve confronts the Old Man and learns the origins of Project Six Million, as well as the limits of his freedom.Needless to say, there's a lot that doesn't make sense. That's where we come in. Oh, no, we don't make sense of it, we make FUN of it! Is this your first time here?Enjoy part 5 of Kevin Smith's Six Million Dollar Man (who costs $1.6 Billion).Anyway, SUBSCRIBE! You won't regret it! (Probably). 

 63: The Six Million Dollar Man, Part 4 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3473

Alright, we're back again for another read of this marvelous script!  People die, secrets are exposed, and Cliche?  Yea, there's lots of that too.  SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out for other great podcasts. And remember: Where we're going, we don't need good scripts! 

 62: The Six Million Dollar Man, Part 3 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3554

Who'd believe that we're finally getting to the "Good" (Finger Quotes) part of the know, the part where Steve Austin actually gets to enjoy his new body!Steve has a little fun, gets into a tight spot...and not unlike any other action screenplay, gets into a little trouble!SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out for other great podcasts. And remember: We're your real father.

 61: The Six Million Dollar Man, Part 2 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3408

Following the not-at-all-seen-from-a-million-miles-away tragic crash of Col. Steve Austin, he wakes to find himself a little the worse for wear, much in the same way that Anakin Skywalker was a little the worse for wear after his fight with Obi Wan on that weird volcano planet. What were we talking about? OH, YEAH!So, you'll never guess who the government decides to use for their super-secret bionics program. Never in a millio--oh, yeah. How'd you guess? Damn, you're good!SUBSCRIBE TO THIS THING. And check out for other great podcasts. And remember: We're your real father.

 60: Six Million Dollar Man, Part 1 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3508

Meet Steve Austin, the non-wrestlingest test pilot in the world! And he know's his fiancee! (They've spent some time together). How does he fit with robot-crushing, data-downloading ninjas? Um. Okay, you don't find that out in this part. Sorry. BUT YOU"LL WANT TO KNOW, so HAHA, we trapped you.Also, this episode Shawn welcomes a new co-host in Patrick Duffy! No, not the guy from Step By Step, even better... the guy from Prime, on the Rogue Intel Podcast Network!Subscribe to this podcast to make sure you get it right away every week. And, if you'd like to read the script with us (or on your own), head to, where you can download this and every script we read. FOR FREE....The things we do for you people...

 59: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 5 (Finale!) | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 5292

This is the moment you've all been waiting for: the end of the stupid James Cameron Spider-Man script from hell! It's been a long, strange trip down megalomania lane with "Professor" Octopus, A.K.A. "The Real Spider-Man" and everyone's favorite wall-crawler. We're not going to even discuss the batshit insanity that happens in this final installment because it must just be heard to be not believed. Needless to say, it's basically the Batman and Robin of the Spider-Man franchise, except nowhere near as good or believable. And remember, if you'd like to read the script on your own, all our scripts are available HERE.Subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to adapt YOUR life into a movie!

 58: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 4 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4347

In this, the penultimate part of James Cameron's Spider-Man, Spidey proves himself SO BAD at maintaining his secret identity that even with a full face mask, his disguise is less convincing than Clark Kent's glasses. Beyond that, Liz and Aunt May have a Bechdel test-failing conversation, Plutonium turns out to be pretty easy to get your hands on, and traffic out of New York continues to be the real menace of the Big Apple.PLEASE NOTE: We do not make any money off this podcast. But when people listen, it validates our sad, sad lives. Be a hero: SUBSCRIBE

 57: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 3 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4619

As Halloween comes about at Empire State University, find out what the hot costumes are this year (1993)! Learn about J. Jonah Jameson's amazing photo reconstruction powers! Find out just how little protection a cinched robe offers against gunshots! Marvel (HA!) at Spider-Man's complete inability to mourn his departed loved ones! And finally, witness the first full-on confrontation between Doctor Octopus and the Amazing Spider-Man! All on this week's thrilling episiode of Table Reads!Of course, when new episodes post, you want to be among the first to receive them, so don't forget to subscribe, or we'll hire James Cameron to write a toast for your wedding!

 56: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 2 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4102

Picking up after Prof. Octavius' totally preventable lab accident, things kick into top gear as Peter finds himself tussling with the same spider that gave Ock so much grief and quickly discovering that he is a wrestler. Meanwhile, Doc Ock is in the hospital, unconscious... so we have to wait until the middle of the episode to hear him mutter "Okey...Dokey!" Also, I think Aunt May has Alzheimers. That bitch is battier than a Gotham Billionaire. Oh, and Peter is the WORST at maintaining his secret identity. So much so that I don't even feel bad calling him Peter. You don't want to miss the rest of this script, so subscribe! And if you want to read it yourself, you can download it for free at love you.

 55: James Cameron's Spider-Man, Part 1 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4367

In 1993, James Cameron took a pretty decent script for a Spider-Man film, gave it his magic touch and then turned in one of the worst scripts ever written! In this first part, we meet a demented college professor obsessed with destroying the universe... BEFORE he becomes a supervillain! We also meet Peter Parker, a hapless college student who has no luck with the ladies! Joining them are some girls, a jock, a nerdy friend, a completely unimportant spider, and some university administrators. And SOMEONE gets bitten by a Spider in a science experiment! YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHO! (no, really). If you want to be sure you don't miss a single part of this 5-part epic, subscribe to this podcast on the podcast platform of your choosing!

 54: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Platoon, Part 5 (FINALE) | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4916

It's an action-packed finale as Roger, Jessica, Richie and a calvacade of Toons take on the Nazis and try to save the Allied leaders from a nefarious plot! Will we win the war? Will Roger and Jessica live happily ever after? Will Roger ever find his real mother? HINT: All these questions have the same answer. We at Table Reads would like to once again give screenwriter Nat Mauldin massive kudos for such a funny, well-executed script. Our normal fare is mockery, but this script is beyond good; it is a masterwork, a great addition to the Roger Rabbit mythos with a true love of cartoon apparent in every scene. Thanks, Nat. If you liked this episode: don't get used to it. We're back to reading bad scripts next week! But if you like THOSE, subscribe! We're on iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, etc.

 53: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Platoon, Part 4 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 3874

In part 4 of the too-good-not-to-have-been-made Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Patrol, our brave, ink-based heroes (and their human friends) are fully engaged in war against the Nazis, fighting for love, and up against a nefarious plot to kill the leaders of the Allied Forces! Meanwhile, Shawn and Trevor keep hoping for something to make this script bad enough to be worthy of this show, but are disappointed as it just keeps being excellent!If you want more good scripts like this one, there's probably a podcast out there for you. But if you want a podcast where good content is a fluke, leaving the hosts to mock utter garbage on most episodes, then you should go ahead and subscribe, because that's what's on offer here!

 52: Roger Rabbit 2: Toon Platoon, Part 3 | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 4480

The 52nd Episode of Table Reads marks one full year of content on our show! (Please ignore how long it took to make it to one year... time is relative). This Anniversary episode, we see Roger Rabbit, his friends, and all the other Toons from Toontown join in the war effort against the Nazis! That's right, THIS is the Toon Patrol of the title. Turns out, the movie isn't just about the weasels in Judge Doom's employ. Sort of a confusing subtitle to use for this particular prequel, huh?Only here on this podcast, find out why the US Military considers Toons to be the ultimate secret weapon in the war against fascism! And find out how well that works out for them (spoiler: exactly as well as you think).And remember to click subscribe to make sure you always get new episodes in your podcaster of choice! 


Login or signup comment.