The Musicks in Japan show

The Musicks in Japan

Summary: We're an American couple who has been living in Japan since 2007. Kisstopher (she/her) is a mental health therapist. Chad (he/him) is a writer. We talk about most everything in our lives, from being disabled / chronically ill to money to friends, and the role that Japan plays in them. Mostly, we want to entertain you, even though we sometimes talk about heavier topics.

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  • Copyright: © 2019 Chad and Kisstopher Musick

Podcasts:

 TMIJ Episode 52: Cities big and small and otherwise | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:44:19

K: So, recently I’ve been thinking – by recently I mean since we recorded our last episode – of what the heck does – so, several words. Metropolis. Mecropolis. Country. City. And town. Oh, and village. Mean to you. You meaning Chad Musick. Because I have no clue. Like, our last discussion, you were like, “no, that’s a metropolis.” Like, what are you talking about? I went all superhero. What are you on about, man? Do we live in a city, town, country, where do we live? C: We live in a city.  K: Okay, and what makes it a city versus a town? Versus a village. Versus a necropolis – metropolis? Necropolis? C: Those are both words, but metropolis is the one you’re looking for. K: Okay. What’s the difference between a metropolis and a necropolis?  C: A mecropolis is a big city.  K: Okay. What’s a mecropolis? C: You just said the same thing twice. A mecropolis is still a big city. K: What’s a metropolis? C: A metropolis – it is the city that superman came from.  K: Okay. C: But a metropolitan area, or a metropolis for short, is usually a large city and the surrounding areas. K: Okay. So, we do we live in a metropolis? C: We do live in a metropolis. K: Okay. C: We live in the Nagoya metropolitan area. And we live inside Nagoya city. K: Okay. So, in the United Sates, when we lived in California, and we lived in Santa Clara city, did we live in a metropolis? C: We lived in the San Jose metropolis. Yes.  K: The Santa Clara county? C: Yes. K: I don’t understand anything you’re saying to me. C: San Jose was the bigger city, so even though the county was named Santa Clara K: Yeah. C: We lived within Santa Clara city and Santa Clara country. K: Yeah. C: It was the San Jose metropolis. Also known as Silicon Valley.  K: Yeah. Okay. I agree with it being Silicon Valley, but Silicon Valley isn’t just San Jose. It’s San Jose, Santa Clara, Campbell, Los Gatos; it’s a bunch of cities. C: The San Jose metropolis.  K: It’s Santa Clara county plus a couple of neighboring counties. C: But not all of the counties, it’s only the densely populated areas. K: Mm. I disagree with that as the native Californian.  C: Okay. You could do that. K: Yeah. I could do that. I think that the Silicon Valley expanded under the Clinton era to include a much broader space because C: Definitely K: Silicon Valley was where people were doing tech, so just tech companies. C: Right. K: And then during the bust, it shrunk back down. (laughs) C: Right. I moved to California in 95. 1995, not 2095. And San Francisco was K: Not 2095 because we’re going to be going strong. C: People are still going to be listening to the archives. K: Yeah. Way to keep it going. Get that positivity on board. C: Thank you. K: Yeah. Absolutely. In, like… so, you said 1995 because you don’t want to be confused with 2095.  C: Which is only 75 years from now. K: Yeah. Okay. And are you still going to be alive and kicking? C: No, but somebody’s going to inherit the podcast. K: So, do you think like Rasta’s kids or Rasta, who’s going to keep it going? C: Probably his kids and then his grandkids. K: Because we’re going to be doing the Musicks in Japan forever as long as there is a single, solitary Musick in Japan.  C: Correct. K: They’re going to experience the generation of our lineage. I guess it would be your lineage. C: And it’s got to be at least two, not one. Because if it’s only one, then it’s the Musick in Japan.  K: Yeah, no. It’s t

 Episode 51: How much Japanese is enough Japanese? | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:46:32

Some places don’t require much of the local language, as long as you speak English. Others… do. Wondering where Nagoya is on this spectrum? And where Nagoya is geographically? We can’t necessarily provide either answer, but we have opinions. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about how much Japanese is enough Japanese.  C: Like, are you trying to find the minimum?  K: (laughs) Yes, I am.  C: Okay. K: So, like, how much is the minimum in your opinion – the minimum Japanese that you need to be able to speak to function in daily life in Japan? C: I think it depend son where you’re at. I think Tokyo, it’s none. K: You think at Tokyo, it’s none? C: Yea, I think at Tokyo it’s none. K: Okay, what do you think – so, we live in Nagoya.  C: Right. K: Which is, uhh I always get this wrong, but I think I’m going to get it right today – we’re southeast from Tokyo? C: No, southeast from Tokyo is the ocean. We are west. K: What are you talking about? C: We are west of Tokyo.  K: What are you talking about? Are you saying there is none of – the island of Honshu, which is the big island that we live on in Japan, that is southeast of Tokyo that is not ocean? C: I think it depends on exactly where you define Tokyo to be, but Tokyo Bay is east of Tokyo.  K: But south of that. Like, southeast of that. C: Is ocean. K: No because you describe us – you describe Honshu as a banana, and we live in the middle of the banana.  C: So, we live K: So, that means there’s a part of the island that curves to the right, which would be east.  C: We live west, southwest of Tokyo. K: But are – oooh, Googlers get my back because we don’t google things, but I believe that one day there’s going to be a pantheon of Musick Notes that google facts because I am so trying to get the hashtag #KisstopherWasRight.  C: That’s an interesting word. So, a pantheon. So, our listeners are now gods? K: Yes. A pantheon of Musick Notes. C: Okay. K: I think they’re going to be google gods that listen to us. C: Are they not going to be an orchestra of Musick Notes?  K: Oh, that would be better.  C: So, there could be an orchestrated campaign. K: Yeah. Okay, I’ll go with orchestra. But, Musick Notes know that I think of you as gods. That’s going to offend a lot of people that haven’t listened to our earlier episodes that don’t know I’m an atheist. (laughs) So, if you’re a Christian listener, and I just blaspheme, and that makes you stop listening, sorry about it. But you should follow us on Twitter. (laughs) I’m just being more and more disrespectful. I need to stop now. I need to stop. Because you’re looking at me like, “stop now.” Chad has this face that he makes whenever he’s like, “oooh. Just stop, Kisstopher. Just stop.” Now you’re just going to be silent? C: I’m just seeing what more is going to be drawn out. K: Drawn out from what? C: From the silence. K: What silence? C: What more will emerge when I’m silent? K: What are you talking about? C: I’m just talking about if I don’t say anything, then you do. You fill the air.  K: (laughs)  C: With your words. K: (laughs) C: In English. K: So, no, legit – if you are a person of faith, and we ever offend you, I apologize. I’m not trying to come for anybody’s faith. I completely respect everybody’s right to believe what they believe, and I just ask that everybody respects my right to not. C: Yeah. K: Yeah. C: So, one of the things that I believe is that Nagoya is actually west, sligh

 Episode 50: Daily life differences, Japan vs. United States | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:43:50

Daily life differs between Japan and the United States. Or maybe it’s just that life is different after almost 15 years. Content Note: non-graphic discussion of sex Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about the difference in my day to day routine and daily life here in Japan versus in the United States, and the thing that really pops out to me is consistency. I feel like my life is way more inconsistent in Japan than it was in the United States. What’s the biggest difference for you, do you think, for daily life? C: I think it’s almost the opposite. I feel like I don’t have to be consistent here in Japan because Japan itself is consistent.  K: (laughs) I think – see, I think the opposite, but go ahead. C: So, like the… I take public transport; you don’t take it often: we’ve talked about that. So, I can count on, unless there’s some extraordinary event, it’s going to run on time. So, I can consistently leave at the same time and get to a place at the same time if I want to go someplace. Whereas in the U.S., it might take ten minutes, it might take an hour depending on traffic.  K: But how often did you go out in the U.S.? Did you leave the house? C: I left the house more than I leave the house here in Japan because I had school… and Rasta had school, and I was often the one who took him to school or dropped him off before… we tried to curtail my driving. And, so, I went out quite a lot, actually. I did a lot of shopping. K: Yeah. C: It was a time when there was not as much online shopping, so I don’t know if I would still go out as much just by virtue of living in the U.S. or if it’s like it was before Amazon. K: No, there was Amazon. C: But Amazon was just books and things. Amazon hadn’t become the behemoth that it is now. K: The thing that we mostly shopped for was food and books. C: Yeah, but we did not shop for food from Amazon when we were living in the U.S. They hadn’t moved into food, yet. K: Yeah. C: So, yeah. Online. Here, it’s food and books, but I can get groceries delivered. That’s a whole other thing because they will just substitute if they don’t have… K: Yeah, like if we order parmesan cheese, they will send us parmesan cheese dressing if they are out of powdered parmesan cheese.  C: Yeah. Which, salad dressing and cheese, hey; completely the same thing.  K: But not at all. (laughs) C: Just like if I order my favorite kind of ramen noodles and they don’t have it, they will send me like cyanide flavored ramen noodles because, what, it’s all the same. Who cares that it’s not edible? K: Yeah. (laughs)  C: So, when I order from them K: So, then how are you getting consistency for Japan? That Japan is consistent. I feel like it’s consistently inconsistent. C: They are consistently wrong with the orders, and I think there’s probably a button somewhere that says, “don’t make any substitutions”, and I just don’t know to push it. K: Mhm. C: Probably hidden somewhere behind a popup or something. I don’t know. But I feel like… I can count on Japan to be itself. And sometimes that’s good, and sometimes that’s not good. K: Yea. C: Like, if I go to the bank, I know that if I have a single stray mark on a form at the bank, they will tell me, “just redo it.” There’s never going to be a teller who’s like, “eh, no big deal.”  K: Yeah. C: They’re going to be like, “no, you’re going to need to redo the form. I know it’s 40 lines long, and the only thing that you did is your 1 was a little wobbly, but that 1 is really wobbly, and we can’t accept a defective form.” K: Yeah. C: So, I find that the saying of “the customer is always right” or “the customer is god”&

 Episode 49: Craving US fast food in Japan | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:41:17

Japan has plenty of good food, but sometimes, we just really lust for American fast food. This episode is one of those times. We also talk about eating for novelty vs. eating because the food is good. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about Jack in the Box and Uber Eats. (laughs) Because, yes, I am hungry. I have not eaten before this episode yet again, even though last episode I swore I was going to eat before every episode. But they happen so spontaneously when we record. C: Okay, so Uber Eats is completely exploitative.  K: Okay. C: But I don’t think even they would make somebody drive from California to Japan to deliver Jack in the Box.  K: (laughs) C: And, if they did, it would not be hot.  K: No, but I would take the frozen ingredients. C: Uh-huh. K: And deep-fry them myself. I’m willing to make that sacrifice. C: Okay, but you’re not willing to make a sacrifice of looking up a recipe online? K: Looking up what? C: A recipe. K: What do you mean by that? C: It’s a set of written instructions on how to cook a thing. K: But a recipe of what? C: Of whatever it is you’re craving. K: No, that – see, now here’s the thing. I looked up the recipe for one of my favorite dishes – chicken paillard – and every time I try to make paillard sauce, it comes out like crap. Because I don’t believe that the Worcestershire belongs in it, and it does. And it’s a dish that as soon as it starts to cool down even a little bit, it separates. The oil separates.  C: Yeah. K: So, it’s a really, really intricate thing to make. Which chicken paillard is not sold at Jack in the Box. C: Okay. I was just wondering, like K: Yeah, it’s sold at one of my favorite restaurants called Cha Cha Cha. So, I find that going to a – I feel like they leave something out in the recipes. C: Mmm. They probably do. K: And I – they don’t sell Lawry’s season salt here in Japan.  C: Yeah. I think it’s K: So, to make curly fries, I have to find someplace that sold curly fries here in Japan. In our last episode, we talked about the intricacies of getting even crinkle cut fries here in Japan. So, they don’t sell the curly cut fries, and then the Lawry’s season salt. C: We have a knife, and they sell potatoes. K: We don’t have a spiral cut knife. C: You could do it. Your knife skills are good. K: No, they’re not that good. C: Are you sure? I think you could manage. K: I’m positive. No. I couldn’t. I’m telling you I can’t. C: Could you manage crinkle? Because the way my hands shake, I could do a crinkle. K: (laughs) I mean, we could get a spiral cutter. C: Yeah. K: But, no.  C: No? K: (laughs) C: You’d rather just pine for Jack in the Box? K: Just definitely no. And Jack in the Box is specific to Northern California. C: I think it’s the whole West Coast. K: You think it’s the whole West Coast? C: I think so. K: I don’t remember seeing any Jack in the Boxes when we were in Oregon. C: We looked it up, and there was like one in Texas, and there were a couple different places. They were trying to expand out of California – most of them were in California, but they were trying to expand. K: But I think that if I were in California, that I would miss fast food tempura.  C: I think you would, too. K: So, I feel like the fast food here is different.  C: Yes. K: But equally as tasty. And equally as fattening. What do you think? C: I think so. Portion sizes are smaller, but you could just order more of it. K:

 Episode 48: Cash and banking in Japan | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:45:50

Money and banking in Japan: The cash is big, the banks are very rigid, and everything we thought we knew about (consumer) banking had to be relearned in Japan, which does it in a completely different way. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about banking and bill paying, which we kind off talked about – I want to say a month or two ago we were talking about cash versus credit society. C: Yeah. K: But I don’t think we went into the ins and outs of what it was like to set up our bank accounts. C: I always like talking about money, so I’m happy to talk about setting up bank accounts and such. K: (laughs) You do not like talking about money.  C: Not my money. K: I think you like talking about money generally, but not specifically your money. C: Exactly. K: So, one of the things we thought was super, super ridiculous when – so, this is just digression straight out the gate. So, we went into a mall, and I was so excited we were preparing our first international trip, and so I – we – I bought us matching international wallets. And I was like – the money holder thing, it had two different money holders, and I thought, “this is so dramatic” because one of the pockets for holding money is the length of our passport. And that is the only pocket that our Japanese money fits in. Now, American money looks comically small to me.  C: American money is comically small. So, Irish money is K: Like, the size of the individual bills, not the value.  C: Right. K: The size of the individual bills, now it feels like the difference between an American dollar and a Monopoly dollar in size ratio for me now, emotionally. C: But apparently Irish money, and I forget there’s two others, are huge.  K: Yeah. The British Pound, IK thought, was huge. I’m not sure. C: So, the company that I work for makes wallets among other things, and it notes specifically that Irish money does not fit in the walle.t K: (laughs) Ouch.  C: Yeah, you have to fold it up. But Japanese currency is much bigger than American currency. K: It’s bigger, and it has braille on it.  C: It does. Holograms and – the braille is nice because you can feel it if you need that. K: Yeah. C: And… it’s higher denominations, too. Like, higher denominations are more usual. K: And the coins – the coins go into ridiculously high denominations. So, there’s like the go hyaku en coin – the five-hundred-yen coin is really, really common. And, so, for me – I’m just going to do coin to dollars even though that’s not correct for the exchange  C: Yeah. It fluctuates, but yeah. K: Yeah. Just for simplicity’s sake. So, there is the one-yen coin, there is a five-yen coin, there’s a ten-yen coin, a hundred-yen coin, and a five-hundred-yen coin. C: And fifty yen. K: Oh, yeah. And fifty-yen coin. So, in the United States, there is a one cent coin, a five-cent coin, a ten-cent coin, a twenty-five-cent coin, a fifty-cent coin, and a dollar coin. C: And a two-dollar coin. K: there is not a two-dollar coin. There’s a two-dollar bill, but not a two-dollar coin.  C: Okay, yeah, I think you’re right.  K: I used to work at a bank. I know I’m right. C: Oh, okay. K: (laughs) And there used to be a hay penny which used to be half cents. C: Half-penny yeah.  K: But they did away with the half cent many, many years ago. C: And the Japanese five-hundred-yen coin, depending on the exchange rate at any particular moment, is either the first or second most valuable coin in the world in terms of regular currency. I’m not talking about like… rare collections. K: collector’s, yeah.

 Episode 47: Medical and social treatment of disability in Japan and the US | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:43:24

The treatment of disability and disabled people differs a lot between Japan and the US. In the US, more lip service is given to accommodation. In Japan, other forms of support are more readily available. Broadly, with numerous exceptions. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about disability in the U.S. versus disability in Japan meaning being disabled, but I feel like you know more – vastly more about this topic than I do. Because I – I only started recently identifying as disabled because I’m not really sure where – now I feel like I’m more sure for myself. I don’t know the answer for anyone else. Where that line is between disability and chronic illness. And, for me, I just – because I’m a therapist – I just go to “how does the DSM” you know, the DSM 5 defines something as a disability. When does it become a mental illness? And that’s when it impairs daily function, so I do feel like my Lupus, while it is a chronic illness, it’s a disability. And my hearing loss is a disability. And I feel like my porphyria is also a chronic illness that leads to disability. C: So, I feel like the difference between chronic illness and disability is one of etiology – of the origin – versus effect. So, if you’re sick all of the time, then that’s obviously something different than, let’s say, um… having the potential to be sick but not ever actually getting sick. Having the potential to be sick, you might still need to take cautions like I do for my asthma, but it doesn’t affect me except for in what I avoid and what I do – like carrying around my inhaler, that kind of thing. K: We’re going to delve more deeply into that in a different episode. Today, we’re doing more of a comparison. C: Right. K: Just – as a signpost for you all that wished we had talked more about this. We’re actually trying to minimize digressions – a little bit, not too much, don’t worry. We will digress. I am sure. (laughs)The reason why I think that is because we’re having a conversation, and you guys are stepping into an over twenty-year conversation that we’re having. So, I don’t know where this is going to go. (laughs) C: Mid-stream. K: So, when – I feel like you are definitely in the disabled category in the United States. We knew that you were disabled, and I feel like your AS has gotten way worse, and I think that’s because you’re getting old. You’re an old man now. C: Yeah, it is a progressive and degenerative condition, so progressive means that it continues to change and degenerative means that the direction of the changes is down.  K: So, did you hear me acknowledge that you’re old?  C: Yes.  K: Not as old as me.  C: No, not as old as you. K: You’re not a man in his fifties. C: I will never be as old as you. K: Yeah, you won’t. I’ll always be your elder. C: Yes, you will. K: Respect. (laughs) C: Yes. K: You do not respect your elders. C: I’ll probably always have more grey than you, so K: (laughs) We’re not basing respect on greyness. That’s not fair. I don’t like that metric. C: Oh, okay. K: I like age. C: You only like the ones that let you win. K: Exactly, hello. C: Okay. K: Because I’m a champion.  (laughter) C: Yes. You’re clever. K: I’m a winner. Hashtag winning. Winning in the oldness competition. C: So, I think that disability – there’s different… views on it, and one view is the social model of disability. So, people who are interested in disability politics will already know about that. K: So, are you talking about the difference of disability politics in the U.S. versus disability politics in Japan or just disability politics in general? I’ve lost the plot. C: Di

 Episode 46: Japanese festivals, big and small | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:43:42

Japan has hundreds of festivals, some famous, and some less so. We tried to talk about those, but only got to a few because we also talk about other entertainment and digress a lot. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about festivals and holidays in Japan, and I think that’s because we’re coming off the holiday season, and we’re right in between Valentine’s Day and White Day.  C: Yes, we are. So, White Day is the celebration of the color white.  K: (laughs) Oh, right. If you’re outside Japan, White Day can mean – that’s a really offensive phrase, right? “White Day.” C: Yup. K: So, waito, it’s waito day. C: Yes. K: White Day in Japan is – so, I really like this system of Valentine’s Day and White Day in Japan. So, Valentine’s Day is the day when the woman gives chocolates, and White Day is when the men give chocolates. So, we’re not going to talk about any corporate connections for that, or any of the drawbacks. We’re talking about just the romantic level of it, and I like the fact that the woman gives the gift first, then the man reciprocates to the level that the woman sets. At least, in my mind. So, in my mind, if the woman – there’s like home, inside… what’s that? I always – Tokyo Hands, it’s Tokyu Hands. C: Tokyu Hands, yes.  K: Tokyu Hands. There are these kits for you to make chocolate from scratch and mold. So, I feel like what I don’t know is at what level of chocolate making and chocolateering is the tennis bracelet?  C: Mmm. K: So, for those that don’t know, you can explain what – I do not own a tennis bracelet, just for the record. You can explain a tennis bracelet for the folks at home. C: So, a tennis bracelet is… a bracelet made out of fake diamonds that you pretend are real.  K: (laughs) No. No. No fraudulent dive-ins. The real of it. C: Oh, okay. That kind of tennis bracelet. So, a tennis bracelet is a bracelet made out of diamonds that you give to your wife to apologize for getting caught having an affair.  K: Oh my god. You are just so jaded today. C: You already said you don’t have a tennis bracelet. (laughter) K: High five on that one. That is not why I don’t have a tennis bracelet. I don’t have a tennis bracelet because I have something similar to a tennis bracelet that I think is much more beautiful. You bought me a sapphire bracelet, and it has every kind of sapphire there is. C: Yes. K: And I think that that was much more beautiful, and when we were talking about tennis bracelets, I was like, “I don’t get them.” C: Yeah, I don’t get them either. K: Like, a ring of diamonds on your wrist. C: But I don’t have an expensive watch, either. K: Yeah. C: I have had watches in the past. I’ve had pocket watches but not wristwatches because wristwatches have always bothered me. I think the last wristwatch I had was a swatch watch I had when I was in high school. K: Okay. I did not know you during the swatch watch era. C: Correct. K: Though when we met, I used to love saying, “I got my swatch watch on. I know what time it is.” (laughs) C: Yeah. I was like, “you don’t have a swatch watch on. I’m looking to see what you’ve chosen for your swatch watch, and you are not wearing a swatch watch.”  K: Yeah, no. I was actually wearing a Gucci watch.  C: Yeah? K: Yeah. I had a Gucci watch. C: Okay. I don’t remember that. K: Yeah. So, when Chad and I met, I was still exotic dancing and – I had stopped working – I was no longer a lady of the night because I exotic danced during the day. (laughs) C: So like on My Name Is Earl – that show, the daytime stripper.  K: Yeah. The daytime stripper

 Episode 45: Too many guns in the US, few guns in Japan | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:44:50

Gun violence is prevalent in the United States but not in Japan. It’s a difference that is palpable to those who have lived in both cultures and goes far beyond the statistics. Content Note: Discussion of gun violence, domestic violence, and other violence, including personal experiences with it. Transcript K: So, today’s episode is going to start off a little bit different than our usual episodes, and it’s going to start off with a trigger warning. So, anyone who is sensitive about guns or gun violence, this may be an episode for you to skip. While we’re not going to talk about anything in graphic detail, we will be talking about my history with gun violence, Chad’s experiences with guns, and gun violence in the U.S. as compared to gun violence in Japan. And I just want to be sensitive to everyone who’s been affected or has a strong reaction to the topic and give you the option to click away now. And… I think this is our first trigger warning for an episode.  C: No. I’ve put content notes on other episodes. This is the first one we’ve done audio; that we’ve said. But the… description of the episode always has content notes if we have something sensitive. K: Yeah, but I think this is probably going to be one of our more heavy and politically charged episodes. C: I think so. I think this is one of the ones that it’s more obvious that people might have historical issues with it or strong reactions or things like that. K: Yes. And my experien – my own, personal, experience with gun violence is actually quite harrowing. And, so, warning you: it starts now. So, seriously, if this is something that’s going to be triggering – because I’m not doing this for the purpose of triggering anyone. I’m not doing t his for the purpose to be salacious or be controversial. I’m doing this merely because it’s something that’s been on my mind for… well, for the past – I want to say for the past year. C: Mhm. K: Because all of the mass shootings in the U.S. deeply, deeply affect me. And, especially when so many of my communities that I identify and belong to – my ethnic background is I’m African American, Jewish, Cherokee, and French. So… and Dutch. I don’t know why I always leave off the Dutch. I do, but I’m also Dutch. And to see my communities just being decimated by gun violence breaks my heart every year. And I’m also pansexual, which makes me part of the LGTBTQIA+ community. And last year was not a great year for us. C: It was not. K: This year isn’t starting of any better for us, and it’s exhausting, to be honest. What do – how do you feel when you hear me talk about that? C: I feel a lot of sympathy. So, I feel like I don’t identify as belonging to any of those groups, but I’m your partner, and you do.  K: Yeah, and ethnically you don’t belong to any – it’s not like you’re lying. Like you’re in denial about belonging to any of those groups. Just technically, you don’t belong to any of those groups. C: Yeah. Culturally, two of my grandparents were English from England. One was Norwegian from Norway, and the other one… it depends on what lies you choose to believe, but it’s basically English. K: He means the lies that his family tells because for many, many years his grandmother would say that they were Irish, and that was just the family joke because his grandfather had red hair.  C: Yes. K: And then one of his brothers tried to move to Ireland, and then they found out that they are not Irish. Because, if you have an Irish grandparent, interestingly enough, you can C: It’s easier. Like, I could move to Norway relatively easily because my grandmother was a Norwegian citizen from Norway. K: Yeah. But you have to prove it. C: Correct. Which I could do. K: Yeah. So, something that… I don

 Episode 44: Ouch ouch itai itai! Pain in Japan and the US | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:41:04

Japan and the United States have very different ideas about pain management, health care, and how people ought to feel. Both of us having medical issues means we’ve had a lot of experience with both systems, and we compare the two from our perspectives. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking a lot about pain management. C: Yeah? K: Yeah because I have a new pain guy. And, so, I have an endocrinologist and a general practitioner that I see. And my GP does my pain management for me. They’re not, like, officially a pain management guy.  C: Because pain specialty is really rare here in Japan. K: Yeah. So, the last time we talked about pain management in Japan versus the U.S. it was really upsetting for some of our listeners, and so I wanted to dive a little bit deeper in that. It’s not a subject I’m really comfortable talking about, though. C: So, first I want to ask you: why do you have a new pain doctor? K: Well, because my old doctor has cancer and had cancer for six months before telling me. And he said, “I’m just going to go in the hospital for a month for some treatment, so here’s a prescription to get you through”, and then he retired. And continued to see me for six months after he retired. And, while he researched another doctor for me because he was also my hereditary coproporphyria doctor. I thought that was kind of sweet but also kind of strange. Like, okay, why didn’t you tell me you have cancer? He’s like “if they won’t see you, I’ll still continue to see you.” C: Which is nice, but… K: Yeah, so I had a really great relationship with my previous doctor, so C: I think that was the fourth or fifth GP you’ve had since we moved to Japan, and all of them have retired, and that’s why you’ve switched. K: Yes. This one’s younger than – usually, I like my doctors in their eighties. (laughs) C: Yeah, I think the first time that we went to saw – he came to Japan to do medicine after World War 2, so K: Yes. Right after World War 2. C: Right, so I think he’d be over a hundred now. K: Yeah. I hope he’s still around. I absolutely loved him. He was awesome. And then my second doctor, I didn’t like him as much because he would spank me. Like literally spank me on the bottom if my weight went up. C: Yeah, which is just no. Don’t do that. K: Yeah, I don’t like that. But, so, I don’t know why I tolerated that. And then I got sick of that, but he retired, and so I switched to another doctor, and then he retired. So, now, I’m with a doctor who I think is in his 40s, so C: Oh, that’s good. K: Yeah, so I think I can get like – I think he’s the one. C: I think we might have mentioned this before. So, we’ll talk about pain management, but one of the reasons that doctors in Japan tend to be older is because you don’t become rich as a doctor by default. K: Correct. C: Because it’s not prohibitively expensive to become a doctor, and medicine itself is not prohibitively expensive to receive because there’s no insurance middleman. K: Right. C: So, that’s a whole effect of socialized medicine. K: And we tweet a lot about the fact it costs like five bucks for me to go see my doctor. C: Yeah. So, a lot of doctors in the U.S. are horrified of a system like the Japanese one because you don’t get rich being a doctor in Japan. But it’s increasingly the case now that you don’t get rich being a doctor in the U.S. either if you work for Kaiser Permanente or something like that. So, total digression out of the bat, but pain management. K: (laughs) Yeah. So, I want to explain something about my pain management in the United States that I didn’t explain before. And that is the last time I saw a medical professional in the United States was ten years ago.

 Episode 43: Japan is way less touchy-feely than the US | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:43:19

Japanese and United States cultures differ greatly in the amount of touch considered acceptable between strangers, among family, and in general. We talk about our experiences as Americans being touched a lot less in Japan. Content Note: Discussion of non-consensual touching Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about the difference in between touching in the United States and touching in Japan, and I get touched far less in Japan than I did in the United States. I feel like in the United States, everyone was always touching me. Like, touching my arm or hugging me. I feel like I met my girls, I hugged, there was just a lot of touching. C: Yes. K: Really? “Yes” is all you have for the people? (laughter) K: So, touching bothers me less than it bothers you. But being touched does bother me.  C: Being touched at all bothers you, or just people you don’t know or people you – feeling the social obligation to allow yourself to be touched or…? K: Feeling a social obligation to allow myself to be touched and… so, I – we don’t do trigger warnings on this show, but… C: We put content notes on the transcripts, so if you just listen, you don’t get them, but if you check the transcript. K: This time I’m going to do a trigger warning because most of my life I’ve been touched inappropriately, and, so, if that type of thing is upsetting or triggering for you, you might not want to listen to this episode. C: Okay. K: Do you think that’s fair? C: Yup. Boooooop. K: Really? C: Yeah. K: So, like, that was the exit point was like the weird C: That was the exit point, yes. K: Okay. So, something that’s happened to me my entire life is aggressive hugging. And it’s only -0 there’s only been one person in Japan who’s been able to aggressively hug me, and they finally left Japan, and I threw myself a parade that they were gone. I cringed every time I would see them because we weren’t friends, first of all. We’re not friends. We did not like each other, and, I don’t know, maybe they liked me, but they didn’t talk well of me, so, they would, like, say how much they love me to my face then talk trash about me behind my back. So, maybe, personally they liked me, but professionally they didn’t would be the most accurate way? C: Or maybe they liked you so much they wanted everybody else stay away. K: Maybe. C: You’ve had that happen before. K: Yeah, I have. So… in the United States, this would happen to me quite often, and, in Japan, only happened to me once where somebody would hug me and then press their genitalia against mine.  C: Mhm. K: And… in a hug, there’s never any reason that that should ever happen. C: Yeah. K: And… also, like, hugging me and then as you release from the hug doing a sideswipe on the boobs. Or hugging and mashing my boobs against them. And, like, sometimes people would give it a rock back and forth, and I just feel like… eww. Every time that happens. And, so, in case anybody’s wondering, yes that’s sexual assault. If you’re touching someone in a sexual way without their consent, that’s sexual assault, and I never consented to that. And it happened to me a lot in the United States, and I always felt guilty and ashamed every time it happened to me. Because I feel like, because it’s been happening to me my whole life, that I should know better and how to avoid it. So, I’m very good at the hip rock out… but, the problem with that for me if I do the hip rock out, I’m doing the protruding of the breasts. C: Yeah. Just because of the physics of it.  K: Yeah. So, I try to do the side-hug, but then people usually kiss me.  C: Mhm. K: And, so, I don’t know how to – like, now I

 Episode 42: How much of attraction is cultural? | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:42:12

Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but that eye is shaped to find particular things beautiful. We talk about attraction, how it’s shaped, how it differs by place, upbringing, and how it’s tied into sex. Content note: Medical procedures and sex are discussed in some detail. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about changing taste and attraction and all that good stuff. C: But your taste is me; don’t change it. K: (laughs) But my taste becoming only you is a change. C: Yes, it is. K: Because I think we started out as being open and poly and then over the years we became monogamous. And I think what people find most interested about that for us is you made the decision for us – that you always wanted to monogamy.  C: Right. K: And I was in my fear place about monogamy. And I had a lot of sexist ideas about whether or not men can be monogamous. And I also, being pansexual, find myself being attracted to a lot of people. C: Right. K: And, when you and I go together, I was dating a lot of couples. And enjoying the couples I was dating. (laughs) C: Yes. K: So, I kind of feel like when we first met, my preference and taste were couples.  C: Mhm. K: What do you think? C: That seems – well, it didn’t seem so much to be couples so much as people you knew couldn’t possibly try to take it monogamous with you without it becoming awkward. K: Yes. That is (laughs) that is a very good description of it. It’s awesome. And I find it’s really interesting that, like – so, I rarely talk about what’s current in my practice, but right now the majority of my practice is poly. And I have a lot of newbies to being poly. And… they’re finding out new attractions for themselves and new tastes, and I think the adventure into polyamory – and so what polyamory is, everybody defines it differently for themselves, but it’s consensual non-monogamy.  C: Right. K: So, it can be open or poly, and what makes the difference for me between openness and polyamory is what the emotional roles are. I think, for me, being polyamorous means, I can love more than one person, and both people I’m in love with know that I’m in love with them, and it’s no secret.  C: So, why isn’t polygamy the opposite of monogamy? K: Um… because that involves marriage. C: So, why isn’t it monoamory? K: I don’t know. Maybe it is. I’ve never looked that up. You know we don’t google on this show, though. C: It’s just a question that occurred to me here. I was listening to you saying, you know, monogamy versus polyamory. I was thinking feeling amorous – amor is one of the types of love.  K: Yeah. And I call myself mono. C: Right.  K: So, actually, I identify – personally, myself – as a cis-gendered polyamorous woman who’s pansexual. A pansexual cis-gendered polyamorous woman in a monogamous relationship. C: Yeah. I don’t identify that way. K: (laughs) How do you identify? C: If you substitute woman for man, then yes, I still don’t identify that way. K: You’re still not pansexual. Yeah. And… you did not enjoy polyamory. C: No.  K: You did not enjoy open. You enjoy monogamy.  C: Yeah. I’m a cis-gendered heterosexual guy – man – who enjoys monogamy. K: Yes. And I really enjoy it. I don’t feel like I’m losing anything being monogamous with you. C: Right. K: So, I feel very, very, very fortunate in that – and, sorry people who hate repetition I do repetition so much – um… you’re being sexy.  C: I can’t help it. K: I know. I just looked over, and I felt like Chad was doing something sexier than he was before. (laughs) Chad sometimes does it

 Episode 41: Feeling (in)secure in the land of the rising anxiety | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:42:05

Talk about security and insecurity, both valid and not. How it plays out for different people, different issues, and different times. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about feeling secure versus feeling insecure. C: Like turning on two-factor identification for everything? Because I’ve had to do that for work, so that’s on my mind. K: Sort of. Kind of. Because, in my life, there are a lot of sources that can lead to security or insecurity. Like, you know, with my job, with my PHD, with parenting, with wifeing, with adulting. And… just every aspect of me, there’s potential for security or insecurity, and I don’t know why I forgot to mention money, but money’s also an aspect of it. C: Because we hates it, we does.  (laughter) K: So, what do you think when I say that? And that – and that was so therapy mode for me because I’ll say something and then I’ll ask a – I ask my clients “so, what do you think when I say that?” because I really want to know what their thoughts are to my opinions.  C: I feel like you give a lot of people a lot of security.  K: Thank you, that’s really sweet. C: Like emotionally security. K: Thank you, that’s really sweet.  C: I think there’s a big difference between being insecure and feeling insecure. And they don’t always line up. So, I think some people feel really secure even though their life is really insecure, and they logically should not feel secure. K: Yeah. C: And then some people don’t feel secure no matter what. No matter how stable and good their life is, no matter how good everything in their life is they don’t feel secure.  K: So, for me, I find that… when I‘m feeling insecure, it’s about worthiness.  C: Mhm. K: Rather than actual security. Because I have core trauma from just lifetime of abuse and PTSD, and so, sometimes that – and I’m sure people can relate to this – that leads to me feeling just completely unworthy of anything good. And that’s kind of like – not kind of like – it’s completely the legacy of my mother was so abusive to me, and that’s supposed to be the person who loves you unconditionally and loves you more than everybody else. Like we have a running joke in our family, which probably isn’t nice, but I’m going to say it anyway because I can’t stop myself. But I always tell Rasta how much I love him, but I always tell him “see, their mother doesn’t love them as much as your mother loves you.” And it’s a joke, but sometimes it’s real talk. (laughs) And not – because sometimes he’ll be like – friends back home in the U.S. they’ll have issues or something, and I’ll be like “that’s because their mother doesn’t love them as much as your mother loves you.”  C: Mhm. K: And, so, yeah. But it’s just something funny we say because I love him to the Nth. C: I think if you never have insecurity about whether you’re worthy of the things you’ve got, then you’ve either had a really good therapist K: (laughs) And even then. C: Right?  K: Because I have a really good therapist, but even then. C: Or you spend your time reading books like “how to manage your second billion.” You might only have a thousand dollars in the bank, but in your mind, you’re on your way to your second billion.  K: So, you think only delusional feel people never feel unworthy. C: I don’t think it’s delusional so much as people who don’t ever have to face the world. Like… there’s a mathematical theorem called “Arrow’s impossibility theorem” which says that if you have a system in which people vote on things, and people are rational, then there’s always going to be somebody who always gets what they want.  K: Mhm. C: The conditions for that people generally agree

 Episode 40: Cash in hand in Japan | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:42:34

We talk about money, cash, credit, employment (and what’s considered a “real” job), and other money-related topics as they happen in Japan and the US. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about money. C: Yeah? K: Yeah. C: Like money? K: (laughs) I was actually thinking of the song “money changes everything.” C: Uh-huh. K: And I think it’s by Cyndi Lauper, but that’s not actually the topic I’m thinking of, but when I said “lately I’ve been thinking about money” I was thinking of – I can’t sing it, so I’m not going to sing it, but money changes everything. C: Okay. So, we’re not going to make our money off of your recording of that. K: (laughs) C: So, what are you thinking about money? K: So, I was thinking about how in the United States, if I walked around with a hundred bucks in my… wallet, that that was a large sum of money to walk around with. And that I would never deliberately or intentionally walk around with a hundred-dollar bill because no place would break a hundred-dollar bill. Like, there’s signs everywhere “we cannot break a hundred-dollar bill.” And, in Japan, there has been times when I, and I’m not proud of this because Japan’s an all cash society, there have ben times that I’ve bought gum that was like under what would be a U.S. dollar with a hundred-dollar bill. And I used to apologize for that when I first came here. Like if I spend under twenty dollars, under ni sen, which is 2000. Which is about 20 U.S. dollars depending on the exchange rate.  C: Yeah, it’s varied from 25 to… 18 U.S. dollars in the time we’ve been here. K: Yeah, so if I didn’t spend that, and I gave someone a hundred-dollar bill, which is a man en bill – ichi man, which is ten thousand – then I should apologize. And I would feel so incredibly guilty about it. And they would look at me like “what are you talking about? You’re being drama.” C: Right. K: Because people walk – people walk around in Japan with hundreds of dollars in their wallet. It’s really common to walk around with five hundred dollars in your wallet in Japan. C: Yeah, I was thinking about pizza delivery in the U.S. – if you needed ten dollars back in change, they’d be like “I don’t really care that much change.” K: Yeah. Because they didn’t want to get robbed.  C: Right. Exactly. And I got a delivery her the other day, and the guy, like… tiny old guy, right? K: Mhm. C: Should have been – not should have been, I don’t hurt anybody – but size-wise K: In the U.S. would have been terrified. C: Visibly opens up his change things and displays to me, not like “look at this” but just not concerned that I should see it, that he’s got basically a thousand dollars in various bills there to make change for people because he’s doing COD orders.  K: I never understood robbing pizza delivery people. They’re coming to your house. C: They know where you live.  K: Yeah. Like, you’re going to get busted. So, how’s that working out? C: I’m not sure. K: Like, who’s the person that’s like “yeah, please commit a crime in my home.” C: Right? I don’t like the concept of robbery in general. Thievery, I’m not a big fan of it; I understand theft for necessity, but I think that that’s actually a sign of broken society. A whole other thing about money, but robbing people just… don’t. There’s so K: Oh, come on babe, we digress. C: It’s so easy to just steal money, why rob people? K: (laughs) C: Saying this, I have never even shoplifted. Like, all of my brothers were banned from the local drug store when we were growing up because they had been caught shoplifting multiple times. And I wasn’t just never caught I never actually did

 Episode 39: Japanese furniture, or, Things Fall Apart | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:42:54

Japanese furniture, flooring, and other things starting with F. Big question of the episode: Can you replace pleather with transparent tape? Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about furniture in Japan. C: That is not what tabling the discussion means. K: (laughs) Okay, I don’t know if that one’s funny or a surprise. What do you think? C: I think it’s funny. K: I think it was more of surprise with a ridiculous surprise. C: Yeah? K: Yeah. Because I often laugh when you say something ridiculous. (laughs) C: Which is also funny. K: Ridiculously funny. You’re ridiculously funny. I think we can both agree on that. C: Thank you. Yes. K: So, I’ve ben thinking a lot about furniture because 1) I need a new chair at the office, and I’ve been putting it off, but it sheds so horribly, and I feel just like oh my gosh, everyone must think I am so just hella ghetto because I have cello tape, scotch tape, on pieces of the chair that are shedding because it’s vegan leather. C: It’s pleather. K: Yeah. I call it pleather, but people like vegan leat- blegh, vegan leather better than saying it’s pleather. It’s plastic. It’s a thin film of plastic over fabric that gives it a leather look. And so… for me, I need to get a new chair, but instead of going and getting a new chair, I’m just putting tape where the pleather’s starting to fade. And in the United States, I would’ve used black electric tape, but I can’t find any black electric tape here, so I’m using clear scotch. Just plain old scotch tape. C: Okay, so not even three minutes in, I have a digression this time. Usually it’s you starting them. You’re usually the one that falls for digression, but K: What? C: Yeah. It reminds me of when your bag fell apart in the Tokyo airport. Your pleather bag. K: (laughs) That was horrible. C: It was horrible. K: It just happened all of a sudden, too. And I loved that bag. C: But you hadn’t used it in a while. It had been in the closet. And we were taking a trip, so you grabbed it, you were like “this is going to be my carry-on.”  K: Yeah. C: And then it just started just shedding. It was like… it was like the old Peanuts cartoon. Just pig-pen levels of like stuff just flying off of it. K: Yes. I was like “what is this?” Because it was just falling everywhere. C: Just a rubbery black dust was covering everything in your bag. K: Yes.  C: So we ended up buying your current bag K: It’s actually red.  C: Right. But the outside was red, but there were black parts too because underneath the K: Yeah it was striped and everything. Yeah. C: So, we ended up buying your current bag at the Tokyo airport out of necessity because that bag was like a biohazard. K: Yeah. And so I wonder if I should just scrub the pleather off of it because it’s still a good chair in all other respects. C: I don’t know if there’d be anything left. I think what you’re looking for is reupholster it. Should you reupholster it. K: No. I’m saying what I mean. I mean just peeling it off.  C: Horrified look. K: Yeah. I just want to peel it off, but right now I’m just using scotch tape because I was like “what is this black crap all over my floor?” Like every time I sit down, there’s black crap all over my office floor. So, Japan doesn’t really sell leather. It sells like leather belts, but it doesn’t – it’s not big on leather. C: Yeah. For furniture and such. K: Yeah. C: I think because the moisture properties because everything in Japan – home furnishing-wise – seems designed to deal with either your apartment being too humid or too dry. There’s no happy middle. It’s

 Episode 38: Academic Stress, Part II | File Type: audio/mpeg | Duration: 00:39:25

More about PhD stress for Kisstopher, Chad starting a new job, academic publishing, and some details about Chad’s academic work. Transcript K: So, lately I’ve been thinking about dealing with the stress of my PhD and PhD feedback. C: I have not been thinking about my PhD. K: (laughs) I think you have been kind of, though. I mean because you’re finally working in your field. C: Yes. K: And so I think, does that – actually, I don’t know. Interesting question. We’re about to learn something new about Chad. Does working in your field make you think about your PhD more, or does it make your PhD feel more relevant? C: It makes it feel more relevant because when I was editing full-time, I was still working with the material. It was just kind of like my nose pressed against the glass. So I feel like K: With one sad tear rolling down your face? C: Yeah. I feel like I thought about feedback a lot more when I was doing that because I was literally seeing feedback. I was seeing the reviews from peer reviewers and that kind of thing, so I was dealing with other people’s feedback on their work. K: And you were giving feedback. C: And I was giving feedback, correct. K: So, something I was wondering that I didn’t ask – I don’t know why I didn’t ask you this. The five years C: You were saying it for the podcast. K: Obviously we save our best stuff for the podcast, man. Saved it for like five years, six years now. Oh my gosh. Seven years? No, six years. I don’t know. Don’t ask me about time. It’s confusing. So, when you were doing editing C: Seven years. K: Yeah, it’s really confusing. When you were doing editing, did it make you want to publish? C: Yes. K: Really? C: Yes. K: Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. Did it make you want to publish non-academic stuff? C: No, it made me want to publish academic stuff. Sometimes I would edit a paper and I would think “I could do this so much better.” K: Really? C: Yeah. But I didn’t have the remit to just rewrite their paper for them. It was just really limited. K: So did you want to publish your own original stuff? C: Um, yes. But… in math, it’s easier to publish as an outsider, but it’s still not easy. It still would have meant a lot of time at the university library to make sure I was caught up on all the papers and things. K: Mhm. C: So math you get like 80% of papers available through ArXiV, which is open-access pre-prints. But there’s still that 20% to check, so there’s a lot of stuff around publishing that’s different than the stuff around writing. So it made me want to do math. It didn’t so much make me want to do all the other stuff around getting published in peer-reviewed journals. K: Mm. And, really, sadly in the midst of that time – so you were working on a project, and then one of the project members passed away, and we still feel the loss of that loss deeply. C: Yes, that’s correct. K: And I feel like, for me, because your path to publication – to me, felt so involved with their loss that it just… I guess I just left it to you to come to me if you wanted to have those conversations. Rather than introducing that conversation because it was quite a big loss for you. C: Yeah. K: And quite the los of a big project, so I feel like it was a loss for the world as well. And so, it’s just a tragedy – and I guess it makes me feel really really sad, still. C: Yeah. K: And so I don’t venture there unless I’m feeling quite sturdy, and I don’t think I was feeling quite sturdy. As you can see, I’m still not feeling quite sturdy about that. C: Yeah. So, there are things – like I have one thing that I could put in the effort to get published as a

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