Brave Marriage Podcast

New! Stress Management Series to help you (and me) through the end of the year. Based on a talk given earlier this year, Kensi gives practical tools to practice presence and connect with God and others in the process. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

New! Stress Management Series to help you (and me) through the end of the year. Based on a talk given earlier this year, Kensi gives practical tools and breathing techniques to manage stress and connect with God in the process. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

New! Stress Management Series to help all of us through the end of the year. Based on a talk given earlier this year, Kensi gives practical tools to manage stress and connect with God in the process. Sabbath Resources: Breathe, Priscilla Shirer Sacred Rhythms, Haley Ruth Barton Garden City, Jon Mark Comer Sabbath as Resistance, Walter Bruegemann To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

If your spouse is disrespectful, and/or you find yourself treating your spouse the same way, then it’s time to set some real relational boundaries for the protection of your mental and emotional health. Below are some questions to ask and next steps to take as you think through setting unilateral boundaries: Identity: Am I relying on others’ praise to fill me up or give me a sense of self? Am I caving in any way to the criticism of others and believing what they say over what God says of me? In what ways do I need to place more of my worth and value in who God says I am? With whom do I need to set a boundary? Disrespect: Where do you need to set a boundary for yourself around defensiveness, criticism, contempt, or stonewalling? Which ones do you engage in and how can you catch yourself earlier on when you start to feel flooded, to stay in control of your reactions? Likewise, where do you need to set a boundary with your spouse? In what ways have you found yourself undermining your spouse? In what ways have you experienced your spouse undermining you? Move forward with setting your boundaries. Example: “I understand that you’re upset, but I can’t hear what you’re saying when you phrase it like that. The way you’re saying it is too hurtful to sink in. Now, I’d like to better understand where you’re coming from, but for me, we need to put this conversation on hold until both of us are calm, things are expressed differently, and I can better hear what you’re trying to say.” And then, follow through on your boundary! If your spouse won’t let it alone, reinforce your earlier statement. “I told you, I am not capable of having a conversation like this, so I’m walking away or taking some time until we can come back together and talk productively.” Bad Behavior: Here are a few linked resources with phone numbers to help: Domestic Violence Hotline + Support: 1-800-799-7233 Substance Abuse Hotline + Support: 1-800-662-4357 Mental Health Helpline + Resources: 1-800-950-6264 To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Have you ever created or expressed boundaries in your marriage? If not, learning how to create and set boundaries within your relationship may be the key to keeping it healthy. On today’s episode, we discuss setting boundaries around time, space, and decision-making. Here are the questions posed throughout the episode to discuss within your relationship: Time: How do you each prefer to spend your time? Are you and your spouse making it a priority to get the time and space you need to recharge and refuel so that you can be your best for those around you? If not, how can you work together to create some boundaries around your time that lead to mutual happiness in your marriage?  Space: How much space do you desire to have in the morning? After work? After a full day with the kids? During conflict? What’s a reasonable boundary you two could set in each of these areas, given your current stage and season of life? Decision-Making: To what degree do you listen to and consider your spouse in the decision-making process? To what degree do you assert your needs, wants, and desires in the decision-making process? What is your partner’s perspective? How can you each set a boundary that better includes the both of you in the decision-making process? To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week, Evan Duszynski for podcast editing, & you listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Three boundaries to consider setting around your relationship toward the end of the year are external circumstances, extended family, and extramarital interests. Action Step: Make this your mantra this week: “My marriage is non-negotiable.” Make a list of any boundary that needs to be set, or that you anticipate having to set through the end of the year. Write down your boundary in black and white, and then read it or communicate it to whoever needs to be told, that your marriage may not only survive 2020, but thrive in all the ways you most desire it to in years to come. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Do you ever feel like you give and give to others, while your time, energy, and desires are taken for granted? If so, then perhaps some boundaries are in order. Listen in this month to learn what boundaries are in the first place, and how to set boundaries personally and relationally. Boundaries around your Energy: What relationships bring you life and energy? How can you prioritize these relationships and your time? On the other hand, what relationships tend to drain your energy? Are you in a season where you need to set some physical boundaries? Or are you in a place where setting an emotional boundary would be enough? And what’s one boundary that you could create there to either preserve your energy or protect your energy while being in their presence by only taking responsibility for what’s yours? Boundaries with your Self-Worth: How do you see yourself? Where do you tend to place your self-worth? In contrast, how do you want to define your self-worth? Who do you let define it? The world? Or God? And what’s one boundary that you could create in your life in order to preserve, protect, and fully live into your identity in Christ? To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Do you ever feel like you give and give to others, while your time, energy, and desires are taken for granted? If so, then perhaps some boundaries are in order. Listen in this month to learn what boundaries are in the first place, and how to set boundaries personally and relationally. Boundaries on your Time: How do you desire to spend your time? When, and with whom? What pockets of time do you have that you’re unhappy with, or have mixed feelings about, where setting a different boundary may free you up from negative emotions and allow you to connect in more genuinely enjoyable ways? And what’s one small boundary that you could create and communicate in one area of your life in order to spend your time how you want to in another area of your life? Boundaries around your Attention: How are you spending your attention? Who in your life deserves your attention but currently feels unworthy of it? What do you desire to pay better and more attention to? And what’s one small personal boundary that you could create for yourself to help you give attention to the things and people you desire to? To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Do you ever feel like you give and give to others, while your time, energy, and desires are taken for granted? If so, then perhaps some boundaries are in order. Listen in this month to learn what boundaries are in the first place, and how to set boundaries personally and relationally. Questions to Ask Yourself: Are My Boundaries… Clear: Communicated: Enforced: A Good Fit: To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Do you know the difference between supporting and enabling? Or what it means to take responsibility for carrying your own load while sharing in each other’s burdens? Listen in to find out - your action step is below: Questions to Ask Yourself: In what ways am I encouraging and empowering the growth and development of my spouse? My kids? What do I find myself doing for my spouse (and my kids) what they can and should do for themselves? How can I take personal responsibility this week to live out of my integrity and to share in my family’s burdens…but while carrying only what’s mine to carry? To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to John Tibbs for the amazing music each week; my husband, Evan, for podcast editing; & YOU, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage even better! May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Lasting change requires more than behavior modification. Are you taking responsibility for yourself and the inner work required to make lasting change in your marriage? Listen in to find out. 3 Ways to Know When You’re Acting Out of Deception: You feel like you’re “playing the part,” but you haven’t taken on the new identity for yourself. You’ve modified your behavior, but you haven’t addressed your thoughts or feelings. You feel proud or satisfied when something you say or do elicits YOUR desired response from your spouse (rather than their truest response). 3 Ways to Know When You’re Acting Out of Integrity: Your behaviors, thoughts, and feelings are all aligned. You think of others…not in terms of how they’ll respond to you, but out of genuine care, concern, and compassion for them REGARDLESS of how they respond to you. You experience inner freedom and peace. Questions to Ask Yourself: Where are you noticing a tendency to act out of deception instead of integrity? Is it a matter of not quite being where you want to be and needing the perseverance to keep going, to move from first order, surface-level change to second order, lasting change? Or is it a matter of beginning to notice where you might be deceiving yourself and taking responsibility for that? In order to take greater responsibility to act out of your integrity, what’s the next right thing for you? Individual counseling? Journaling and prayer? Perseverance when marriage feels hard? Courage to show up more fully in your own life? To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage. Thanks to: John Tibbs for the amazing music each week. Evan Duszynski for podcast editing. You, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage better.

You’re responsible to your spouse, not for your spouse. So what does that look like in marriage? How do you do life as a team without taking on too much (or not enough) responsibility? Listen in to learn more. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to: John Tibbs for the amazing music each week. Evan Duszynski for podcast editing. You, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

What exactly are you responsible for in your marriage? For starters, yourself…not your spouse. Listen in this month to learn how to take responsibility between you in healthy, appropriate ways (less for your spouse and more for yourself). To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to: John Tibbs for the amazing music each week. Evan Duszynski for podcast editing. You, the listener, for tuning each week to make your marriage better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

As Leslie Vernick says: You are responsible TO your spouse, but not FOR your spouse. Listen in to learn more through this Q+A. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to: John Tibbs for the amazing music each week. Evan Duszynski for producing and editing. You, the listener, for tuning each week in service of making your marriage better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.

Changing yourself is a great place to start, but sometimes making behavioral changes isn’t enough to address your relational dynamic. In this Q+A, Kensi approaches an issue that’s not quite as straight forward as it may seem. To work with Kensi, visit bravemarriage.com. Thanks to: John Tibbs for the amazing music each week. Evan Duszynski for producing and editing. You, the listener, for tuning each week in service of making your marriage better. May God be glorified in you and through your marriage.