Becoming Who You Are

The Power of Self-Kindness: Audiobook Version Now Available!

Bonus episode: Journaling as Creative Self-Discovery with Tiina Mokvist (from the Your Own Kind of Wonderful podcast)

The Many Wonders of Journaling with Lynda Monk

The Year of You: 365 Journal Writing Prompts for Creative Self-Discovery Is Here!

13 Reasons You’re Not Making Changes You Want To Make (Part 1)

How to Practise Digital Mindfulness and Focus on What Matters

The Power of Negative Visualisation

Would you like to be able to listen to an audio version of this post and all future long-form posts from Becoming Who You Are on your podcast app or pod-catcher? This is one of the many perks available to Patreon supporters! Pledge your support from just $1+ a month today, and start catching up on BWYA posts on the go. Find out more about this and other rewards here. ________________________________________________________ This week, I want to talk about something that is a plague—yes, that bad!—on the personal growth world: spiritual bypassing. If you’re not familiar with the term (I only recently discovered there was a name for this), here’s a couple of examples: - Millicent and Violet are talking about Millicent’s uncle, who is homophobic and hostile towards Millicent about her sexuality. Millicent is unsure whether to attend a family barbecue her uncle will also be attending because she finds his behaviour unpleasant and upsetting. Violet claims her uncle is in her life to teach Millicent her greatest lessons in patience and tolerance. She says going to the barbecue and engaging with him will be good for her personal growth. As she reminds Millicent: “The fact his behaviour bothers you is about you, not about him.” - Debra’s husband dies in a car accident at the age of 32. While visiting her a few weeks later, one of her friends tells her to have hope for the future because “this is all part of God’s plan.” If you’ve been around the personal growth world any amount of time, you’ll have seen these kinds of responses delivered and even encouraged. I’ve been thinking about this lately because, although it’s a behaviour I find annoying in other people, I’ve noticed my own susceptibility to doing it too (the saying that the things we find most annoying in others are things we do ourselves? So true). And I don’t want to be that person. I don't want to respond uncomfortable feelings or experiences by dismissing them with a faux-enlightened platitude. Nor do I want to be swayed from my own feelings by other people attempting to do the same. What is spiritual bypassing? Psychotherapist Robert Masters describes spiritual bypassing as “The use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs.” As Dr Masters explains, “Aspects of spiritual bypassing include exaggerated detachment, emotional numbing and repression, overemphasis on the positive, anger-phobia, blind or overly tolerant compassion, weak or too porous boundaries, lopsided development (cognitive intelligence often being far ahead of emotional and moral intelligence), debilitating judgment about one’s negativity or shadow elements, devaluation of the personal relative to the spiritual, and delusions of having arrived at a higher level of being.” Psychologist Ingrid Clayton emphasises spiritual bypassing is a subtle but effective defence mechanism. She writes, “Spiritual bypass shields us from the truth, it disconnects us from our feelings, and helps us avoid the big picture. It is more about checking out than checking in—and the difference is so subtle that we usually don't even know we are doing it.” These explanations ring true. Even though I have almost a decade’s experience working with emotional support (or, despite knowing better, because of this), I hear someone talk about a challenge or issue and I want to help. I want them to feel better, partly for them but partly because seeing them in pain feels uncomfortable for me. At these times, I have to bite my tongue to stop myself coming out with one of the pithy platitudes that annoy me when I hear them from other people. Witnessing someone else’s pain requires a vulnerability that can be uncomfortable at times and part of ...

This episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast is an excerpt from the audiobook version of From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care Into a Way of Life. It's narrated by Stephanie Murphy, who you will recognise from the beginning and end of each episode of the Becoming Who You Are podcast. She is a superb voice artist and did an amazing job! From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care Into a Way of Life is a comprehensive guide to making self-care part of your everyday life.With a balance between practical suggestions, coaching-style questions and psychological groundwork, From Coping to Thriving is designed to give you the self-knowledge and awareness you need to start integrating self-care into your life, instead of integrating self-care around your life. Not only does the book contain hundreds of useful tips and ideas to get you going, it will also take you deeper into related topics like habit-formation, coping strategies and dealing with resistance to self-care. Today, I want to share with you a chapter of the book on obstacles to self care. You can listen via the podcast or by clicking play on the video below. If you enjoy this excerpt, you can get the full audiobook through Audible, Amazon or iTunes. $5+ Patrons also get copies of both of my books (including the audiobooks) so if you'd like to support my work on Becoming Who You Are and get the audiobook, click here to find out more and make a pledge. Useful Links From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care Into a Way of Life: available now in paperback, ebook and audiobook. Say Hello Hannah Facebook: facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare Pinterest: pinterest.com/hannahbraime Website: becomingwhoyouare.net Get a Free Audiobook from Audible This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. If you enjoy Becoming Who You Are, you can support the show by registering for a free 30-day trial using the link below. As part of your trial, you’ll get a free audiobook (including From Coping to Thriving!) and can cancel any time. Subscribe to the Podcast Intro and outro: Stephanie Murphy ________________________________________________________ If you enjoy the Becoming Who You Are podcast and would like to support Becoming Who You Are, check out our Patreon page. Patreon is a simple way for you to contribute to this site and support the free content, tools and resources here. As a thank you for your support, you can get special Patron-only perks and rewards; find out more here. The post #110: How to Overcome the Most Common Obstacles to Self Care appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

Are you comfortable with owning your wins, successes and celebrations? This is something I've struggled with and I know from talking to clients, friends and others that I'm certainly not alone. In this episode, I talk about why the world needs you to start taking yourself seriously and how we can stop downplaying the things to celebrate in life and start feeling more comfortable with taking up space in the world. Useful Links The Pursuit of Perfect by Tal Ben-Shahar From Coping to Thriving: How to Turn Self-Care Into a Way of Life Say Hello Hannah Facebook: facebook.com/becomingwhoyouare Pinterest: pinterest.com/hannahbraime Website: becomingwhoyouare.net Get a Free Audiobook from Audible This podcast is brought to you by Audible.com. If you enjoy Becoming Who You Are, you can support the show by registering for a free 30-day trial using the link below. As part of your trial, you’ll get a free audiobook and can cancel any time. Subscribe to the Podcast Intro and outro: Stephanie Murphy ________________________________________________________ If you enjoyed this post and would like to support Becoming Who You Are, check out our Patreon page. Patreon is a simple way for you to contribute to this site and support the free content, tools and resources here. As a thank you for your support, you can get special Patron-only perks and rewards; find out more here. Image: Cris Saur The post #109: Why the World Needs You to Start Taking Yourself Seriously appeared first on Becoming Who You Are.

#108: 5 Ways to Inspire Your Journaling Practice

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#107: Just One Thing

#106: A Review of ‘Guilt, Shame and Anxiety: Understanding and Overcoming Negative Legacy Emotions’ by Peter Breggin

#105: The Surprising Lesson We Can All Learn From Japanese Pottery