Intro To X
Summary: Watching every single episode of the X-Files for the first time, again. No Spoilers.
If you like questionable parenting decisions and Chris Carter writing you’ll love Episode 9x09 – “Provenance" in which Damian Dahrke uses his alien totem to try and slowly awkwardly kill Scully’s baby. Luckily Scully pretty much has the same goal. Also more rubbings of space ships that could “change everything” again.
DJ J-Jon-Jonny-Jonathon Pope joins us for Episode 9x08 – “Hellbound" where everyone’s favorite drunk believes she has been reincarnated to stop a vengeful old-timey prospector turned ex-con from skinning other old-timey prospectors turned ex-cons.
Will joins us for Episode 9x07 – “John Doe" in which Doggettt loses his memory and Reyes is drunk (as per usual). We discuss the absolute necessity for shoes at all times and learn that Reyes grew up in Mexico and theoretically speaks Spanish in a completely convincing manner.
Go to your nearest cyber-cafe and download Episode 9x06 – “Trust No 1" in which Terry O’Quinn AKA Terrence Quinn AKA Peter/Jerry/Edgar Watts AKA Omar Santiago tries to catch Scully in an old-fashioned Sadsack-Turtleneck-Trap so that he can kill Mulder. He later explodes because of iron… or something. Also we finally figure out the deal with Reyes.
Prepare for another Kim Manners bug-wranglin’ classic ep of X-Files. Ian and Jon join us for Episode 9x05 – “Lord of the Flies" where we meet our hero Dr. Rocky Bronzino and learn that bug people are real creeps.
Chris and Will join us for Episode 9x04 – “4D" in which Doggett stumbles into the worst parallel universe ever and only through his knowledge of morse code and the actions of Follmer and questionable plotting is he able to put right what once went wrong.
In Episode 9x03 – “Daemonicus" we learn about all the ways you *could* transition between scenes and then see what happens if you choose the wrong ones. Scully and Reyes compete for being the worst by trying to convince Dogget that the devil is behind the work of a serial killer. And John Doggett arbitrarily murders an innocent person.
Michael David returns for the shocking? conclusion to the season premiere Episode 9x02 – “Nothing Important Happened Today II" in which Xena Mermaid Princess battles Knowwle Rowrerereregh land we have no idea why, Also there’s a lot of stuff with a ship’s captain that is less interesting than Vicor Garber’s left ear.
Mike joins us for the questionable season premiere Episode 9x01 – “Nothing Important Happened Today" with Xena Mermaid Princess. We learn about Skinner's weird obsession with nameplates and the dog-pound is in need of a deep deep cleaning.
It’s time for the season finale 8x21 "Existence" in which and everyone’s favorite garbage monster Monica Reyes takes some sneaky glances whilst being the worst at all times. Claire attempts to hold it together as we say goodbye to the one-armed wacky-lackey-first-class Alex Krycek. In The Lone Gunmen 1x13 (or 12 depending on who you ask) "All about Eves" we finish the last of X-traneous viewings and spend some more time with Morris Fletcher.
Will, Dan, and Jozie are here for a head choping goodtime in 8x20 "Essence" wherein the all-new alien menace wants to kill a baby either out of fear of a possible would be magic human skygod or because they are susceptible to attack via abstract concepts... also nothing makes sense. In The Lone Gunmen 1x12 (or 13 depending on who you ask) "The Cap’n Toby Show" we learn what a creepy weirdo Langly has always been and that episode air dates are confusing.
Make yourself a really strong cup of coffee for episode 8x19 – “Alone” in which we meet the most terrifying monster of all time AND a salaMANder. The Lone Gunmen 1x11 “The Lying Game” proves yet again that Mitch Pileggi has all the acting chops and this mask technology is always going to be super creepy.
Ian joins us for episode 8x18 – “Vienen” in which we tune our unburnt radios to 101.5 to say goodbye to the black oil and the career of Fox Mulder who will hopefully go somewhere and die… again. The Lone Gunmen 1x10 “Tango de los Pistoleros” was aired on television at one time.
Will joins us for episode 8x17 – “Empedocles” wherein the boy who could fly is now made of evil cgi fire. Reyes and Mulder meet and say seemingly English words at each other for no other purpose than to torment Doggett. In The Lone Gunmen 1x09 “Diagnosis Jimmy” Byers is obsessed with Bears and Jimmy is in the hospital solving mysteries and inexplicably breaking hearts.
Heidi joins us for episode 8x16 – “Three Words” in which Zombie Mulder is barely back from the dead and already being a dick. Thanks to Knwlle Rrgrgrorer, Little Doggett learns he's never been closer to the truth. The Lone Gunmen 1x08 “Maximum Byers” misses all marks that it aims at and then ends with a state sponsored murder.