Zen Parenting Radio

Todd and Cathy discuss how they experience the world differently, and why understanding and respecting these differences lead to better communication. They talk about why connection is like nourishment, and why not connecting can make us feel uncomfortable mentally and physically. They discuss Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies and share which tendency describes their underlying motivation. They talk about the movie Wonder, owning our stuff, and why sexual assault allegations are uncovering a deeply-embedded systemic issue.

Todd and Cathy discuss Jessica Lahey’s The Gift of Failure, and discuss why allowing our kids to make mistakes will help them succeed. They also discuss the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, why rewards and punishment don’t work, and why praising our kids for effort rather than outcome will lead to greater success and a healthier sense of self. They play a clip of a Hillary Clinton interview on the Dear Sugar podcast, a commercial about failure from Michael Jordan, and discuss Carol Dweck’s book Mindset.

Cathy and Todd discuss The Five Invitations, a book that shows us how to wake up fully to our lives. As a compassionate teacher and cofounder of the Zen Hospice Project, author Frank Ostaseski supports the dying. His five invitations dive into the suffering, joy, and inevitability of death, and why embracing this wisdom will lead to a more mindful and compassionate life. Cathy and Todd use clips from Dead Poets Society and Star Wars to highlight his points, and discuss why this book empowered them to live with greater intention and meaning.

Todd and Cathy discuss an article in Harpers Bazaar titled “Women aren’t nags, we’re just fed up” about emotional labor and the sensitivity surrounding this topic. They discuss how to have a productive conversation about what it really takes to manage a house, and why it’s not always true that men are “problem solvers” and women are “sensitive”. They discuss how they are challenged with this issue, how it’s easy to go on autopilot, and why this is an ongoing discussion and not a one-time conversation. They explain how this relates to gender issues overall and what we are all currently modeling for both our daughters and sons. If you find this discussion interesting, join Cathy+Todd for a one-time virtual class about civility and compassion (in the home and for the holidays), and why the way we talk to our loved ones extends into the world. Click here to register.

Todd and Cathy discuss why it’s OK for kids to change their minds and try new things, and why it’s important for adults to do this, too. They discuss how self-awareness is essential, and how self-forgiveness and understanding are also essential because we will always be a mystery (the great paradox!). They discuss the offensive gesture during the world series, how they managed their daughter’s crying episode, Byron Katie’s “The Work”, cranial sacral holds, and some humor from Anchorman.

Cathy and Todd talk with Roksanna Taghizadeh, an immigrant who grew up in Iran, became a refugee in Germany, and eventually made it to the United States where she became an structural engineer. She shares her immigration story, explains what it’s like to live in a refugee camp, and shares why the current political environment has been surprising and emotionally challenging.

Cathy and Todd discuss why it’s OK to be uncomfortable, and why focusing on what works and what we are grateful creates the foundation to deal with discomfort. They reference the Good Newspaper, and explain why good news can help us speak out about the uncomfortable news. Todd shares some wisdom from Simon Sinek about why cell phones shouldn’t be the classroom or the boardroom, and why will power sometimes isn’t enough. They discuss if it’s safe for Todd to drive with his knee, why we shouldn’t answer the phone in a movie theater, and a wise observation from Martin Luther King.

Cathy and Todd discuss the power of #metoo (a hashtag for anyone who has been sexually harassed or assaulted) and why sharing stories and listening to each other paves the way for change. They also talk about the power of words and why inclusive language is not just about being politically correct, it’s about growth and understanding. They discuss software that allows parents to see how their children are doing throughout the school day, why children hold in painful secrets, and why Cathy won’t share her water bottle.

On their 400th episode, Cathy and Todd discuss why they started Zen Parenting, how it’s changed, and why equality, compassion, and connection motivate them to keep going. They share their favorite Tom Petty songs, discuss why difficult conversations are essential, and explain how if we work together, we will soar.

Cathy and Todd discuss the importance of civility when we have different opinions or viewpoints, and offer some definitions and research from Brenè Browns book, Braving the Wilderness. They also discuss the Las Vegas tragedy – how we can make the unbearable bearable, and how we can give of ourselves to help others. They share who resides in their “brain trust”, offer some wisdom from Cory Booker, and discuss why we have dehumanized in the past and why rehumanization is essential for the future.

Cathy and Todd talk with Danya Rosen, Executive Director of the Chicago Peer Health Exchange, an organization that empowers young people with the knowledge, skills, and resources to make healthy decisions. They train college students to teach a skill-based health curriculum (focusing on mental health, sexual education, and overall wellness) in under-resourced high schools across the country. They aim to reduce unplanned pregnancy and substance abuse by offering knowledge, support, and access to resources. The Peer Health Exchange has had a statistically significant positive effect on sexual and mental knowledge, skills, and help-seeking behavior. They are also located in the Bay Area, Boston, Los Angeles, and New York.

Cathy and Todd discuss Brenè Brown’s book, Braving the Wilderness, specifically the difference between “fitting in” and “true belonging”, and why listening and civility are our ways back to each other (this book discussion will continue next week). They also discuss a blog titled The Keeper and how it created an argument in one home, and why it’s an important discussion piece for any marriage. Todd shares a great Chicago story about how one person’s sacrifice lead to another person’s extreme act of bravery, and how we are all interconnected and modeling for each other.

Todd and Cathy discuss Simon Sinek’s definition of success and why momentum is the key. They talk about the best predictor of whether or not we will view our lives as successful (and it has nothing to do with money). They discuss why a man can be perceived as assertive and a woman is perceived as bossy, how the 2017 Emmy Award winners made some history, and why Oreos and seeing the movie IT are not great self-care choices for Cathy.

Cathy and Todd discuss The Smartphone Generation vs. Free Speech by Jean M. Twenge about the millennial generation (otherwise known as iGen) and why they are different. They discuss how they were raised, how they think, and why they understand emotional risk more than physical risk. They also discuss They also discuss Brene Brown’s new release, Braving the Wilderness, and how it focuses on stepping out and speaking up, and how we can answer questions with civility rather than mistrust and disdain. They talk about how we can support our kids without being permissive, how we can teach our daughters to trust themselves, and why the Jedi know how to fight hate with light.

Cathy and Todd offer ways to practice and recognize self-compassion, and explain why our ego tends to argue against too much self-love (but why we don’t have to listen…). They discuss lovingkindness meditation, why it’s important to accept compliments, and how we can get to know ourselves like a friend. They also discuss Keyshawn Johnson’s decision to pull his son out of Nebraska football – was this decision too much or just right? They discuss their upcoming self-compassion class, their upcoming screening of Angst, and why it’s important for each of us to speak our truth.T