2 Homos - Lesbian Podcast

When it costs $500 to have your dog neutered it's no wonder the local shelters are overflowing with unwanted dogs and cats. It's also a good reason to simply go the DIY route. Get a pair of poultry sheers from the kitchen and some electrical tape from the garage. The job should be done in one good snip. A whiskey chaser for the dog and you can call it a day.

Here's an idea. Why not have a "dollar menu" at the vet? Instead of the vet telling you what the treatment for you sick dog or cat is going to be, you simply choose what you want to have done from the dollar menu. You can have the five thousand dollar surgery for your dog's eye, or you can buy an eye patch from the 99 cents store. Your choice.

Who doesn't want a cuddly lovable pet to love and enjoy? Here's an idea...why not a full grown alligator? There's a pet you can let roam freely through your backyard and your house, a pet you can have curl up to you at night when you sleep, and a pet that's really good with children. Feeding it isn't really a problem either. Just let it eat all the cats and small dogs in the neighborhood.

Nothing says you're a real woman like a tampon stuck in the back pocket of your jeans. Real Lesbians don't have wallets in their back pocket, they've got a heavy-duty super-flow day tampon ready for action and for all the world to see. When the tampon is out of the pocket, you can still see the outline of the tampon rubbed into the denim on the outside. Not for wimps.

The one sure-fire thing that makes Lesbians get moist in their jeans is a Lesbian in a baseball hat on crutches. To make it a double orgasm, the reason she's on crutches is from a softball injury. Then there's the perfect trifecta - a Lesbian law enforcement officer on a K-9 patrol with a dog in her car. Call the Coast Guard, because we have someone in a danger of downing in rush of body fluid.

The service seemed great. You got seated faster than expected. The waitress came right to your table to take your order. Your food came up super fast and everything tasted great. The waitress must have been super busy since she was only by the table once to deliver the food. The check comes right away. It might have been some other table's check, but at least it came quickly. You just thought the service was good that night, but it turns out it was all really because you were Dyke Beautiful.

After you've tried several different tactics to get people to stop leaving dog crap on your front lawn, it's time to move to Def Con 5. Put in a surveillance camera, record the people leaving crap on the lawn and then edit together a loop tape of the culprits. Play the recording on a big screen TV out your front window and play the tape over and over again until the assailants have to move away from the neighborhood in shame.

If you're going to open a business, it's helpful to have the name of your company clearly spell out to customers exactly what you're selling. After all these years it finally became clear that the spot between the twat and the shitter is called the Twitter. Some people are just the last to know.

For the general movie-going public there's Rotten Tomatoes to help guide you through the myriad bad movies that you can waste good money on going to see. Lesbians need the same type of movie guide so that they don't waste money seeing the movie about the young Lesbian whose girlfriend starts sleeping with her mother. We'll call it Rotten Vaginas. If that doesn't keep you away...nothing will.

It's really not hard to be a criminal and get away with it. All it really takes is not being stupid. Just learn to spell the word thousand and you could get away with stealing cash all day long. Here's a hint- there is no W in the word thousand.

Buying a tray of store bought cookies to bring to the holiday party for $30 seemed like an act of extortion that should have brought the grocery store ten years in prison. That was until the Gay men showed up with their $800 baby stroller. At that point bringing the tiny little tray of stale cookies wrapped in cellophane and a chintzy bow made you seem like nothing but a cheap and classless Lesbian.

When you are rude to your barista they simply get you back by giving you decaf instead of full test in your latte. Your favorite dry cleaner also has a trick when you bring in a bag of laundry that you've just informed them your dog has pissed on. Theyre happy to take that dripping, wet bag from you, but when you get it back and you put those clothes on, you'll realize the dry cleaner pissed on your clothes before they gave them back.

If a $3.50 delivery charge is too much for you to spend to have pizza delivered, then you need to get your fat, lazy behind off the couch and go pick it up yourself. Of course, if the delivery person is a hot Lesbian rolling up to your door with a smokin' hot package just for you...then maybe $20 doesn't sound like too much. Sounds like it will be take-out for dinner every night.

If your dog's face swells up to the point where it looks like Mike Tyson beat him up, it's time to go to the vet right away. If you're just out walking your dog and you pass that vet's office, move over to the other side of the street immediately. Otherwise, money will start getting sucked out of your ATM card and credit cards automatically.

Thanksgiving...the time of year to be thankful for family, good friends, all the wonderful things in our lives and for sharing with others. Next time you share that secret family recipe that's been handed down from generation to generation make sure that you leave out one ingredient so that you drive the next three generations insane trying to figure out how you make that special pie taste so good.