Comedy Central: Live At Gotham

An ex-boyfriend is less like sex and more toward recycling.

One day you're playing Batman, and the next you're sliding hard porn into the VCR.

It doesn't matter how tough you think you are, when you fall out of the sky, you're gay.

The butch lez shops in three places: Old Navy, The Gap and Banana Republic.

Walls haven't worked -- not since they invented planes.

I think my speakers lost some mid-range, but I can't tell over the screams of my family.

No carbs after nine, no juice after eleven, and no thoughts, feelings or emotions after twelve.

You gotta find a really nice way to tell someone their child is mildly retarded.

Hey, there's an Orthodox Jewish guy dressed as a clown. That's a good idea.

What would be more fun, watching Iverson slam dunk or try to spell "receipt"