The New Ark

In this season finale: a special guest, flies as pets, a productivity hack with hanging anvils and how to catch Kristen Bell. Flies, crows and sloths battle for the final place on the ark. Elliot, Joe and Saf plan how to have 500 children. Same old nonsense. See you next season! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode: the new ark does drinking games, Joe shares wisdoms on pee consistency and Elliot readies arson charges. Also: the camel that shot its owner. Just cos'. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week on Ark the musical, we invent leech porn. What a climax. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode: anti-rabbit lighthouses, why you might marry a dead person, and how crows are really the McDonalds mafia. Joe goes on record advocating for adultery and Elliot reveals a cunning plan to explode crow's heads with a murder mystery. Bidding for the film rights will start at £5 million. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode: Joe gets burgled and Elliot names an STD after himself for SEO. Also: how many legs can a crab lose before it's no longer a crab? This and other age-old questions will not be answered. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The show that will get Elliot cancelled. The darkest ep. to date. Where Joe admits the animal he's defending is a despicable serial rapist. Nuff said. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Introducing the all new ark spin-off show, Films We Haven't Watched. Talking about movies we couldn't be arsed to see. With cameos from penis swords, walking zebra murals and awkward pauses... ... ... ... ... ... ... lots of awkward pauses ... ... ... ... ... ... also flies. Enjoy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This week, Joe's being haunted and Elliot's high as a kite. But it's Tony the trouser-ripping tiger in the spotlight. You know that dude's over 70 years old and still creeping into kiddies' homes on cereal packets; definitely not giving off any paedophile vibes. 3, 2, 1, clap. Bye! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Joe thinks owls are dead boring. Elliot spent a month in France saving their asses. But whoever said fight for what you believe in didn't while away his finite time before the grave recording drunken ramblings about space arks and raining cats. That's a fact. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

They're the mortal enemy of sharks, bees, elephants, Godzilla and Elliot. But special guest Leanna's determined to get them a space on the moth-ership. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

They don't have eyes, ears, noses, brains, hearts or anuses. What do they have? A Welshman who self-identifies as a kettle to defend them. Good luck jellyfish. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this 10-year-old's wet dream of an episode, we talk about poo smells, sex screams and sliding down poles. You know, the usual Tuesday evening deal. Joe reveals intimate insights about his bowel movements. You don't wanna know. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Snails. They're like slugs with houses. Or seahorses after 15 minutes in the blender. Or sloths if you're Joe. So come ye come ye and hear us two spineless suckers moping about dishing the dirt on these garden heroes. With all the energy of a snail. Seriously. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode: tardigrades, the tiny little indestructible micro-bears with eight legs and a vacuum cleaner bag body. Why tardigrades? You asked for them. Nerd. Now see these superpowered microbes torn to shreds before your very eyes. Except it's a podcast so you won't actually see anything. Just imagine. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

You asked, we answered! Rattling off your audience requests to kick off TNA series 2, we're taking sharks to town. Which sharks can walk? Which die if they stop swimming? What idiot would put them on board an itty bitty space ship they're flying? That last one's Joe by the way. But please, please listen anyway :) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.