Worst Collection Ever

Defenders #63 (1978) Its our 300th episode! Thank you for joining us here on the podcast each week for the past six (!) years. To celebrate, we jump into a Defenders book where every C-level hero (and Captain Marvel for some reason) got the impression it was fair game to become a Defender. Hulk peaces out pretty quick, leaving Valkyrie, Hercules and Knighthawk to lead an offensive against villains in NYC. Hellcat drives a Barbie car, Hellstorm gets threatened with a lawsuit and Hercules calls some dude a cabbage. It makes as about as much sense as you think. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Falling In Love #131 (1972) We get fancy this week as we read from an out-of-date trade of romance comics from DC. And much like most 70s romance comics, this one’s a lark of a story about a girl whose mother can’t stop plucking away her boyfriends. You see, Mom’s 36 but she’s still a looker and can get crunk with the kids of today and their Lil Jon. Things come to a head when the daughter meets Neil Brazzers, a corny AF dude who is angling for a quadruple with Mom, Daughter and 70s Stan Lee. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Captain America #413 (1993) It has been long overdue but we finally make our way back to LADY MALL~! as Cap and Diamondback try to take down MODAM and the Femizons. In this issue, Cap fights a literal who’s who of jabroni villains including Batroc, Stilt-Man, the previously dead Ringer, Man-Ape, Man-BULL and maybe even Man-Puss. Cap gets creepy with MODAM and shows off his muscular taint. Meanwhile, Falcon and Shang-Chi split an Orange Julius because LADY MALL~! Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Detective Comics #682 (1995) Batman’s equilibrium is off and ends up crashing into a movie billboard about a joke-telling crocodile. We also have Communist Moondragon and KGBeast teaming up to shakedown Lucius Fox over a piece of the Wayne Enterprises pie. Non-compliance follows and we get a chemical plant explosion which Robin is overwhelmed by. Also, Harvey Bullock takes a steel drum to the face. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Iron Man #64 (1973) Iron Man participates in Detroit’s urban renewal initiative as he shoulderblocks down decrepit buildings. He is ambushed by Doctor Spectrum and defeats him handily with the entire inventory of a Spencer’s Gifts. Later, while in the middle of cuckolding Happy Hogan, Tony is surprised yet again, this time by a grey monster with telepathic powers. After destroying his new girlfriend’s health food store, Tony seemingly defeats the monster only for it to transform into a giant scimitar.  Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Weird Suspense: The Tarantula #1 (1975) Its not Halloween until you read a comic about a Dark Ages curse that turns men into tarantula-based men. This week in our FOURTH (!!) book from Atlas Comics, we meet Count Lycos Search Engine, who must now satiate his “unnatural lust” for paralyzed human meat on the regular. Thankfully, comedian Kyle Kinane and friends have just shanked some prison guards with an icepick and are looking for refuge in a creepy mansion. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Crypt of Shadows #3 (1973) CRYPT OF SHADOWS is a horror reprint anthology that showcases all the anachronistic goodness of 1950s STRANGE TALES stories. Featured here we have: Andy Capp in HellA card shark getting schooled by Marty FeldmanA criminal who can’t tell the difference between whale viscera and sandA corpse falling on top of the first-ever podcaster  Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Infinite Crisis Special: Villains United #1 (2006) All of the big heroes are off dealing with the Infinite Crisis so now is as good as time as any for Lex Luthor to get the band back together and rule the world with a Secret Society of Super-Villains. Lex starts off strong by intimidating prison wardens into releasing their meta-human inmates but then it kind of goes off the rails with Toyman spiking the prison chowder with rage sauce and the heroes getting the upper hand. Thankfully for us, in the middle of all this, Talia pours hot coffee on Doctor Light’s crotch because Doctor Light is a bonafide piece of garbage.  Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Marvel Premiere #28 (1976) In the most unexpected of occurrences, the sole survivor of a prehistoric race returns from interplanetary exile to lay claim to Sunset Boulevard in Los Angeles, dropping a huge mountain in the middle of the street. Ghost Rider was going to hit up a Westerns matinee at the New Beverly but now he has to deal with this. Concurrently in LA, Morbius keeps trying to snack on noted werewolf Jack Russell and happens upon this mountain business. To make it matters all sorts of difficult, Man-Thing drops in and starts burning dudes with his creepy advances. In the end, a race of humanoids is extinct, Morbius is still hungry and Ghost Rider needs to find a gas station. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Justice League of America #106 (1973) Red Tornado gets so trashed that he gets bounced over to Earth-One and gets a new face from a blind man in the mountains. He shows up to help the JLA and Batman’s like “you can help us but you still suck.” Superman, meanwhile, can’t wait to burn a hole in Reddy’s head. In an ironic twist, Superman’s violent tendencies prove to be helpful in thwarting T.O. Morrow’s plan to kill the Justice League. Also, Red Tornado tries to adapt to Earth and hooks up with a temp agency representative.  Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Avengers #185 (1979) Wanda and Pietro go back home to Transylvania to find out if they really were the children of 1940s superheroes as opposed to being a militant mutant’s kids that he left to be raised by the High Evolutionary and a bovine woman. In the middle of the night, a medieval pick-up artist negs Wanda into taking a trip up the Swiss Alps. Pietro freaks out, tells a lonely old man to shove breakfast up his ass and jobs out to a forcefield. Elsewhere, Iron Man regales Ms. Marvel about his dipping sauce empire while Beast has three-way sex (probably). RIP Chadwick Boseman Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #1 (1954) / Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #2 (1954) Jimmy Olson, Superman’s dumbest Earth friend (I don’t know - he might have a Kryptonian equivalent), continues to ruin Superman and Clark Kent’s lives.  In the first story, Jimmy handles a to-do list for Superman while he’s out saving folks in Switzerland. Instead of, you know, getting pets out of trees, Jimmy opts to mediate a labor dispute using shadow puppets and cheap wigs. In the second story, Jimmy bodies an interplanetary potion and dreams that he can fly. He uses these powers to join the circus only to tragically drown in front of thousands. RIP Jimmy Olsen. We also share our thoughts on all the movie trailer action from DC Fandome, which is a dome made of the skin of DC fans. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

WildC.A.T.s Annual #1 (2000) We finally got around to messing with a WildC.A.T.s book on the show and its smack dab in the middle of their jabroni period where the original team died and angry cyborgs ran amok. In this (I guess) annual, Grifter’s brother Condition Red returns from the dead only to get returned to dust by Grifter himself. Its not all that exciting but thankfully we spend a considerable amount of time with Ladytron, the ornery cyborg who breaks off arms in arm-wrestling contests like Jeff Goldblum in THE FLY. Warblade is there to back here up in the subsequent bar fight but we don’t get to see it because its more important to dwell on dead/undead sibling brother relations. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

OMAC [vol 3] #3 (2006) In the past, OMAC was just a singular dude with an intense mohawk that got his gimmick from a space satellite. In the FUTURE (now), you can make OMACs in bulk by injecting teenage street junkies with OMAC-rich gruel and hope for the best. After an EMP, only one OMAC remains - Kevin Costner’s son Mike - who rebels against the Brother Eye by crashing into the Nevada desert and stealing cigarettes from a traveling caravan of strippers. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com

The Twelve #5 (2008) THE TWELVE is about a group of thawed-out superheroes from the 40s waking up in 2008 to find that there are still NO FLYING CARS! I hear ya man. The one dressed like a Musketeer gets a network TV deal to host a variety show while the Hourman clone is gotten to by high school kids and flies around crying in his surprisingly revealing outfit. Finally, the cover star - the Witness - watches a Nazi get hit by a bus. There's a decent premise going on here; trust us. Continue the conversation with Shawn and Jen on Twitter @angryheroshawn and @JenStansfield and email the show at worstcollectionever@gmail.com