Don't want to be a jerk? Expect some anxiety.




MIND READERS DICTIONARY : Mind Readers Dictionary show

Summary: I both envy and loathe the self-certain. I envy them their peace of mind. I loathe their bullying. Increasingly, I see debate as doubting matches, opponents casting doubt on each other's opinions. The self-certain are master doubt-casters impervious to doubts cast their way. A mighty fortress is their opinion even when their opinion is dumb or ultimately deadly. I don’t just loathe their bullying. I loathe the peril they put us in, luring the weak-minded to their side in throngs, dominating by self-serving force, not reason, and marching us in an unwavering line, unresponsive to new evidence or changing circumstances and therefore inevitably in a direction where stupidity lies. My loathing wins out.  I will not master their lick. I will fight them, which means learning how to dominate the indomitable.  They’re hard to dominate even when you’re self-certain.  I aim to dominate with one hand tied up behind my back.  It’s back there holding my anxiety, something the self-certain jettisoned long ago. Anxiety is a sense that something’s amiss. It’s an alarm sounding to say, “pay attention here, you might be headed in the wrong direction.”  Anxiety is the emotional flavor of doubt. Losing it is the most immediate, palpable and self-satisfying benefit of self-certainty.  No doubt? No anxiety. When you wonder whether you’re going in the wrong direction, you generally lose a little steam.  You waver. You await further guidance with a receptive ear and a discerning mind.  You don’t know that you’re headed in the wrong direction.  Maybe you’re headed in the right direction.  But anyway you open up a little, softening enough to visit the possibility that it’s time to redirect. The self-certain don’t just sense your anxiety as an opening, a vulnerability they can exploit, and they don’t just take it as a sign that they will inevitably win the debate.  They take it as a vindication of their position, a reality check that proves they’re right about the world.  If you’re anxious, then their foregone conclusion that they possess absolute truth is verified. As if it were ever in doubt. I sure could use that other hand tied up behind my back.  But I can’t jettison the anxiety.  I need it. It has re-steered me right more than a few times. So how can you dominate the indomitable when you’ve resigned yourself to carry receptivity’s baggage, a parcel they’re not carrying. How does a self-doubting David beat a self-certain Goliath? How do win when they’re stoked on self-certainty’s steroids? My latest guess is that, with practice you can become familiar enough with self-doubt and anxiety that you hold them nimbly and un-distractedly.  I’ve long thought that it pays to study doubt, to understand how it works and to gain “pattern-fluency” in the generic forms it takes  (See Wonderings of the World below). A benefit is that, when your doubt is exposed in debate it’s no surprise to you.  You don’t flinch with a sudden surge of anxiety about your anxiety. You can stick with the topic under debate, persisting in what you’re insisting on. If they call attention to your doubt, you simply say or imply something like, “Of course I have doubts about my position, as any respectable thinker would.  They fit the standard mold and for you I’ll list them (do this briskly but calmly).  Now that said, I still place my full weight behind my position. The fact that you don’t doubt your position is not evidence that you’re right, just that you’re not much of a thinker.  Thinkers doubt. They’re brave enough to withstand the anxiety that doubt engenders.  I suspect you gave that up long ago.  Don’t have much of a stomach for anxiety, do you?” You’re still unlikely to win them over. In fact you’re unlikely to get the airspace to give them