Summary: Gilbert, C. (2019). I can't say that: Going beyond the talk: Equipping your children to make choices about gender and sexuality from a biblical sexual ethic. Raising Sexually Healthy Children I am hoping that at this point your heart, passion, and desire is to lead your family with confidence and intentionality toward a biblical sexual ethic. There are many other aspects of our lives that matter as well, but they are beyond the scope of this book. Raising sexually healthy children requires commitment to a specific ETHOS.It then requires that we, as parents, learn how to pass that on in bite sized micro-conversationsas our children grow and receive information from the world around them. A key piece of the puzzle — for you and for your children — will be found in how you manage hurts, failures, and disappointments. Too many parents and their children are trapped in shame loops that are generational. Break the cycle. Find freedom. Find joy. Then, once you have found it, pass it on. Imagine looking at your grown children and seeing that they have made thoughtful, informed decisions that they can defend rather than emotional and impulsive ones. Imagine being proud of the young man or woman they have become. Imagine a sense of gratitude for the adults God entrusted to you who have made the decision to be godly change agents in the world. It Starts With You — The Parent Jaredand Kendraknew that they both had rough lives growing up and they wanted something different for their children. With the birth of their first son, they began teaching him about his body, about sexuality, dating, and marriage. They continued this with each of their children as five more siblings were added to the family. They invited hard (and weird!) questions from their children and answered them the best they could. As a result of their honesty about their own failings, their stories of childhood abuse, and the role God played in their story, their six children avoided much of the pain and heartache that many unnecessarily face today. Their children did not all arrive at adulthood without drama or failures, but none of them had the excuse of ignorance or naiveté. As each of them walked through their adolescent years, they encountered struggles with pornography and dating when they were too young due to peer pressure. They knew though, without any doubt, what their parents believed, what their parents’ expectations were for them, and that they were responsible for their own actions before God. All six of Jared and Kendra’s children eventually married and they were joyous occasions. All six of them remain faithful in their pursuit of God in their adult lives, passing the same down to their own children. Even though they didn’t have one hundred percent success in all of their choices, they each knew their parents loved them. They knew that God loved them enough to die for them. And they knew that they could choose. Through the knowledge given to them by their parents, they were better positioned to make their choices. They could clearly see the destination each choice could potentially lead to and they could “choose” with wisdom. What a beautiful picture. Do you want that? This begins with your one-year-old, your two-year-old, your three-year-old, and so on.Start today, if you have not already. Begin by intentionally helping each of your children craft their own biblical sexual ethic — their ETHOS. Use short, meaningful conversations —micro-conversations — to plant seeds, and as you intentionally water them you will see them grow before your eyes. Helping Your Children Develop Their ETHOS So how do we pull all of this together for our children? Jeffis a seventeen-year-old young man who has been trained to live by a biblical sexual ethic. His parents prepared him well. He is respectful of authority. He honors women and avoids areas of temptation. He has struggled with pornography, but has chosen to die to those desires an
