The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. Sun, 21 Apr 2024 02:31:24 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.4.4 https://therecoveryshow.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/cropped-moth-1-32x32.png The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast 32 32 12-step recovery for those of us who love alcoholics or addicts. We share our experience, strength, and hope as we use the principles of the Al-Anon program in our lives. We talk openly and honestly about the problems and challenges as we face alcoholism and addiction in our friends and relatives. We share the tools and solutions we have found that let us live a life that is serene, happy, and free, even when the alcoholic or addict is still drinking or using. The Recovery Show false episodic The Recovery Show spencer@therecoveryshow.com Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013 Copyright © The Recovery Show 2013 podcast 12-step recovery for those of us who live or have lived with alcoholism or addiction. The Recovery Show » Finding serenity through 12 step recovery in Al-Anon – a podcast http://therecoveryshow.com/moth-icon.jpg https://therecoveryshow.com/category/podcast/ e9c2acc7-8da9-552f-8b44-488d8a31a68d Finding Strength in Mutual Aid: Insights from Al-Anon’s Third Tradition – 409 https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/04/finding-strength-in-mutual-aid-insights-from-al-anons-third-tradition-409/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/04/finding-strength-in-mutual-aid-insights-from-al-anons-third-tradition-409/#respond Tue, 02 Apr 2024 15:36:47 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6954 Al Anon's Tradition 3 emphasizes the gathering of relatives of alcoholics for mutual aid, forming an Al Anon family group rooted in shared experiences and support. Spencer elaborates on how this mutual aid creates a safe space where individuals facing the impact of addiction can find solace and understanding. The only requirement for membership is...

The post Finding Strength in Mutual Aid: Insights from Al-Anon’s Third Tradition – 409 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/04/finding-strength-in-mutual-aid-insights-from-al-anons-third-tradition-409/feed/ 0 Al Anon's Tradition 3 emphasizes the gathering of relatives of alcoholics for mutual aid, forming an Al Anon family group rooted in shared experiences and support. Spencer elaborates on how this mutual aid creates a safe space where individuals facing ... Al Anon's Tradition 3 emphasizes the gathering of relatives of alcoholics for mutual aid, forming an Al Anon family group rooted in shared experiences and support. Spencer elaborates on how this mutual aid creates a safe space where individuals facing the impact of addiction can find solace and understanding. The only requirement for membership is the presence of alcoholism in a relative or friend, fostering a sense of unity and compassion within the group.



Spencer recounts his journey of seeking support in Al Anon meetings and the transformative power of mutual aid. The feeling of not being alone anymore, the exchange of experiences, and the shared path towards personal growth resonate deeply in his narrative. We find moments of realization, self-discovery, and the bonds formed through mutual aid in the Al Anon community.



One significant aspect of mutual aid within Al Anon is sponsorship, where experienced members mentor others in their recovery journey. Sponsors can provide guidance by asking thought-provoking questions, offering reflections, and empowering individuals to explore their motives and choices. Through sponsorship, mutual aid extends beyond shared experiences to personalized support and guidance tailored to individual needs.



In the tapestry of recovery and personal growth, mutual aid emerges as a force that nurtures resilience, empathy, and self-awareness. Through shared experiences, support without judgment, and a community built on understanding, individuals in Al Anon find strength in unity and healing.



Readings and Links



We read from A Little Time For Myself, an Al-Anon daily reader, p. 73 (March 13).



Judy asked “what do I do when Google Podcasts goes away?” See one person's recommendations for a new app.



Use our Subscribe/Follow page to follow the podcast in your new app. On an Android phone, tap the “Android” button.



Upcoming topics



We will be starting a new series of episodes on the 12 steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope.







Music from the Show





Bill Withers – Lean on Me





Sia – Breathe Me





Jason Mraz – Song for a Friend
]]> The Recovery Show 409 409 full false 40:34 A Deep Dive into Sharing in Meetings – 408 https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/a-deep-dive-into-sharing-in-meetings-408/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/a-deep-dive-into-sharing-in-meetings-408/#respond Tue, 12 Mar 2024 21:52:46 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6949 We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, we may hear instructions and conventions that seem challenging to adhere to at times. Why do we share? Sharing...

The post A Deep Dive into Sharing in Meetings – 408 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/a-deep-dive-into-sharing-in-meetings-408/feed/ 0 We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, We find value in the shared experiences, wisdom, and support expressed in Al-Anon meetings. Sharing in meetings plays a crucial role in bolstering recovery, assisting in healing, and fostering a sense of community among attendees. However, we may hear instructions and conventions that seem challenging to adhere to at times.



Why do we share?



Sharing in an Al-Anon meeting invokes an atmosphere of sincerity, openness, and compassion. Speakers such as Heather and Spencer cherish the meeting as a platform to express their feelings, share their experiences, invite the shared experience of others, and most importantly, aid their path to recovery. Al-Anon’s third tradition suggests that we “[gather] together for mutual aid,” allowing us to learn from others' experiences.



How do we share?



Heather was challenged by her sponsor to try speaking from the heart during meetings. She was told that she should not aim to present a meticulously crafted speech but rather express her authentic feelings and experiences.



Despite being a vital recovery tool, sharing can bring about certain challenges. One of these is the common issue of oversharing. Heather highlights this by narrating an instance where she was challenged by another person's extensive sharing.







Creating a Safe Space



Creating a safe and trusting environment is crucial for effective sharing. Many meetings ask members to not “crosstalk”, where one person's sharing draws an immediate response from someone else. This helps to maintain this safe space. It’s essential for each of us to keep the focus on ourselves. This way, all attendees can openly share their feelings and experiences without feeling judged or interrupted.



Cultivating humility



Heather's reflection on this concept is insightful – our recovery journey is ours and ours alone. No share is more valuable or insightful than the other, and no member should dominate others with their contribution. Al-Anon's Tradition 8 (Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional…) reminds us that every attendee is seen as equal, each carrying their own experiences, strength, and hope.



Conclusion



Sharing in meetings is a pivotal practice in Al-Anon – one that encourages honesty, openness and cultivates a supportive community. With each share, we walk further from our pain and closer to serenity, helping us internalize the power of Al-Anon's founding principles.



Readings and Links



Heather read from Courage to Change, Nov 3 (p. 308)



We also mentioned these books: Reaching for Personal Freedom, Hope for Today, and Paths to Recovery.



Upcoming topics



I am planning a series of episodes on the 12 Steps. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Kelsea Ballerini – Overshare





Rita Ora – Keep Talking





Jennifer Nettles – You Will Be Found
]]> The Recovery Show 408 408 full false 1:12:39 Spencer T talk at 71st Greeley AA Stampede https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/spencer-t-talk-at-71st-greeley-aa-stampede/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/spencer-t-talk-at-71st-greeley-aa-stampede/#respond Fri, 01 Mar 2024 21:26:26 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6944 In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk. Readings and Links The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website. A listener asked about finding “speaker tapes” online. Two sources are XA Speakers and Recovery Radio Network....

The post Spencer T talk at 71st Greeley AA Stampede appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/03/spencer-t-talk-at-71st-greeley-aa-stampede/feed/ 0 In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk. Readings and Links The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website. In February, 2023, Spencer gave a talk at the 71st Greeley AA Stampede. This is that talk.







Readings and Links



The Greeley AA Stampede is an annual AA conference with Al-Anon participation. Find out more at their website.



A listener asked about finding “speaker tapes” online. Two sources are XA Speakers and Recovery Radio Network.



A couple listeners have asked about the “adult child” oriented podcasts I've been listening to. They are Fragmented to Whole and Adult Child Podcast.







Music from the Show





Coldplay – Fix You





Sarah McLachlan – Sweet Surrender



Kimberly suggested this next song.





INXS – Don't Change
]]> The Recovery Show 407 407 full false 1:09:15 Listening to you – 406 https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/02/listening-to-you-406/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/02/listening-to-you-406/#respond Sun, 11 Feb 2024 20:25:03 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6939 Listen to the experience, strength and hope, questions, and fears of 30-ish listeners of The Recovery Show. Hear from members on topics such as these: Here are few moments that you might connect with: Sue wrote, “While listening to Debra C. share on your podcast, I realized she was telling my story. I took away...

The post Listening to you – 406 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/02/listening-to-you-406/feed/ 0 Listen to the experience, strength and hope, questions, and fears of 30-ish listeners of The Recovery Show. Hear from members on topics such as these: Here are few moments that you might connect with: Sue wrote, “While listening to Debra C. Listen to the experience, strength and hope, questions, and fears of 30-ish listeners of The Recovery Show. Hear from members on topics such as these:




* Coping with the effects of addiction



* The recovery process



* Working the Al Anon program



* Sponsorship in recovery



* Understanding self-centered behavior



* Acceptance of powerlessness



* Reflections on past recovery experiences




Here are few moments that you might connect with:



Sue wrote, “While listening to Debra C. share on your podcast, I realized she was telling my story. I took away many things, but mainly that ‘hands off, pays off’ is my new mantra.”



Mike said, “If someone is trapped and has no resources or outside help, and has been through this before, they may fawn. That is, they may become compliant or even take the side of the oppressor to soothe, distract, or somehow deflect or minimize the harm that is coming their way.”



From another Sue, “[Your podcast] has helped me find a path into the spiritual side of the program. This is something I never expected to be possible for me.”



Mary said, “Al Anon taught me that his alcoholism is about him, not me, and also that I didn't cause it, can't control it, and can't cure it. But I sure can contribute to it. And I did do that by reacting in a way that was not helpful to him or me or the situation.”



Louise is “so grateful for the tools of recovery that have given me the ability to navigate the halls of alcoholism.”



There are many more moments such as these in the full episode.



Episode links



These episodes were mentioned by contributors:




* 402 Gossip



* 401 What is my Motive?



* 322 Deborah C – Hands Off Pays Off



* 132 Living with Lies



* 381 Acceptance as a Gift of Recovery



* 394 People of Color in Recovery – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging



* 403 Inaction and Reaction: Navigating the Path to Meaningful Action



* 9 Step 2



* 296 Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences



* 358 Al-Anon after Divorce



* 354 Making Decisions




Music





Lean on Me – Bill Withers




]]> The Recovery Show 406 406 full false 1:20:35 Working the Steps – 405 https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/01/working-the-steps-405/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/01/working-the-steps-405/#comments Thu, 11 Jan 2024 20:41:11 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6912 The 12 steps are indispensable in the journey towards healing. They can spark enlightenment, foster growth, and propel personal transformation. In this episode, Spencer, Karen, and other contributors explore several approaches to working the 12 steps. Acknowledging Variety and Personalizing the Process 12-step recovery does not have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. Members apply the steps to...

The post Working the Steps – 405 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2024/01/working-the-steps-405/feed/ 2 The 12 steps are indispensable in the journey towards healing. They can spark enlightenment, foster growth, and propel personal transformation. In this episode, Spencer, Karen, and other contributors explore several approaches to working the 12 steps. The 12 steps are indispensable in the journey towards healing. They can spark enlightenment, foster growth, and propel personal transformation. In this episode, Spencer, Karen, and other contributors explore several approaches to working the 12 steps.



Acknowledging Variety and Personalizing the Process



12-step recovery does not have a ‘one-size-fits-all’ approach. Members apply the steps to their own lives in differing ways. The Al-Anon literature includes several guides to the steps, and sponsors may suggest yet other approaches. Some members may need to start with a deep exploration of their powerlessness, while others may need “emotional detox” before they can even start looking at the Steps.  



The Importance of Sponsors in the Recovery Journey



Assistance from sponsors, mentors, or “fellow travelers” can be instrumental in easing the 12-step process. Whether helping with the complex aspects of the journey or offering insights for self-development, the value offered by mentors can be immeasurable. Often, sponsors can help people identify the steps they need to apply the most, thereby confronting the challenge head-on.



Working the Steps: Different Approaches, Same Journey 



In the realm of recovery, three popular tools to work the steps in Al-Anon are the books Paths to Recovery, Blueprint for Progress, and Reaching for Personal Freedom..



Paths to Recovery offers a comprehensive guide through the 12 steps, with some questions that help focus thoughts and inspire deep reflection. It may present a long journey, sometimes up to two years per complete cycle, but with patience and perseverance, progress can be made.



Blueprint for Progress, another workbook, provides a detailed walk through Step four, conducting a deep dive into one's inventory, listing shortcomings and assets alike.



Reaching for Personal Freedom is a newer book. It guides an examination of the Steps, Traditions, and Concepts, focusing on how these can be applied to our personal lives.



The common thread with these books is their focus on applying the 12 steps to daily life, transforming not only habits but an entire inner worldview. 



Overcoming Challenges: The Essence of Step Four 



Step Four, involving a ‘Fearless and searching moral inventory,' can be challenging. It is during the process of Step Four that the strength and support of a sponsor becomes critical. Often, a sponsor will suggest a particular practice of working Step 4, usually because it is the way they have worked that step in their own recovery.  Some have found the “4 column” approach described in the book Alcoholics Anonymous to be useful. As a sponsor, however, we should also be sensitive to whether the proposed approach is working well for the person we are guiding.



An Ongoing Learning Process



Working the steps is an ongoing learning process, finding new layers of understanding and inner growth at every step. Some of us have found that we can apply the 12 Steps to particular incidents or actions in our lives, whether alcohol is involved or not. Sometimes a quick run through the steps can lead us to “promptly admitting” our faults, as suggested by Step 10. For most of us, working the steps is not “one and done” but is a lifelong process of personal growth. It is truly about a journey,]]> The Recovery Show 405 405 full false 1:18:58 Experience, Strength and Hope from the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention – 404 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/experience-strength-and-hope-from-the-2023-al-anon-international-convention-404/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/experience-strength-and-hope-from-the-2023-al-anon-international-convention-404/#comments Thu, 28 Dec 2023 19:27:50 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6906 Did you attend the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention? If you didn't, have you wondered what it was like? In this episode, Heather, Racheal, and Spencer share our expectations of the convention, what happened at the convention, what we learned, and what we are bringing home. Contact the show You can leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795...

The post Experience, Strength and Hope from the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention – 404 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/experience-strength-and-hope-from-the-2023-al-anon-international-convention-404/feed/ 1 Did you attend the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention? If you didn't, have you wondered what it was like? In this episode, Heather, Racheal, and Spencer share our expectations of the convention, what happened at the convention, what we learned, Did you attend the 2023 Al-Anon International Convention? If you didn't, have you wondered what it was like? In this episode, Heather, Racheal, and Spencer share our expectations of the convention, what happened at the convention, what we learned, and what we are bringing home.







Contact the show



You can leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





The Beatles – All You Need is Love
]]> The Recovery Show 404 404 full false 22:38 Inaction and Reaction: Navigating the Path to Meaningful Action – 403 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/inaction-and-reaction-navigating-the-path-to-meaningful-action-403/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/inaction-and-reaction-navigating-the-path-to-meaningful-action-403/#respond Fri, 08 Dec 2023 19:09:18 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6902 In our lives, we often find ourselves faced with situations that require us to make decisions. We have a choice to either react impulsively or take a moment to consider our actions. This interplay between inaction and reaction can shed light on how we navigate life's complexities. Let's delve deeper into the concepts of inaction,...

The post Inaction and Reaction: Navigating the Path to Meaningful Action – 403 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/12/inaction-and-reaction-navigating-the-path-to-meaningful-action-403/feed/ 0 In our lives, we often find ourselves faced with situations that require us to make decisions. We have a choice to either react impulsively or take a moment to consider our actions. This interplay between inaction and reaction can shed light on how we ... In our lives, we often find ourselves faced with situations that require us to make decisions. We have a choice to either react impulsively or take a moment to consider our actions. This interplay between inaction and reaction can shed light on how we navigate life's complexities. Let's delve deeper into the concepts of inaction, reaction, and the transformative power of taking meaningful action.



The Dance of Inaction and Reaction



Our primitive “lizard brain” responds when faced with unexpected or challenging situations. Our initial response can be inaction, an attempt to freeze and hope the problem goes away. We struggle with discomfort and uncertainty, hoping it's not real. However, when it becomes clear that inaction is not viable, our lizard brain's second response can be to run away.



Recovery introduces a new way of dealing with these situations. We learn to create a period of inner waiting and preparation before deciding on an appropriate course of action. We move away from immediate reactions and step into a space of awareness, acceptance, and ultimately, meaningful action.



Seeking Guidance



Spencer and Eric look at tools and strategies for dealing with inaction and reaction. One powerful tool is seeking guidance from our higher power, a sponsor or a trusted person. Prayer and meditation can reveal our higher power's will for us. By reaching out to others, we gain different perspectives and can find the courage to move forward.



Taking Time for Self-reflection



Another valuable tool is the practice of self-reflection. Whether through journaling, physical activity, or prayer and meditation, taking time to calm the mind can help us navigate our emotions and make more informed decisions. By becoming aware of our motives and feelings, we can avoid falling into the trap of impulsive reactions and find a more balanced approach.



The Power of Choosing Our Attitude



A quote from Victor Frankl suggests that in the time between a stimulus and our response, there lies a space where we have the power to choose our attitude. Even in challenging circumstances, we have the freedom to choose how we respond. By embracing this perspective, we can transform our reactions and inactions into actions that align with our values.



Supporting a Loved One's Challenges



We (Eric and Spencer) share our experience of supporting loved ones dealing with mental health challenges. We found we could maintain a balance between support and enabling, allowing our loved ones to navigate their difficulties, while providing a non-judgmental presence. 



Conclusion



As we explore the dance between inaction and reaction, one thing becomes clear: the choices we make in these moments shape the trajectory of our lives. By cultivating awareness, seeking guidance, and choosing our attitudes, we empower ourselves to break free from impulsive reactions and embrace meaningful action. We hope that sharing our own experience, strength, and hope will enable you to  gain valuable insights into how to navigate life's challenges with grace and purpose.



So, next time we find ourselves at the crossroads of inaction and reaction, let's remember to pause, reflect, and choose our response wisely. By doing so, we can embark on a path of personal growth, empowered decision-making, and the fulfillment that comes from living a life aligned with our values.



Readings and Links



We opened with a reading from Hope for Today October 15, and included the reading for August 14 later in our conve...]]> The Recovery Show 403 403 full false 1:26:01 Finding Freedom from Gossip and Creating Positive Relationships in Recovery – 402 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/11/finding-freedom-from-gossip-and-creating-positive-relationships-in-recovery-402/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/11/finding-freedom-from-gossip-and-creating-positive-relationships-in-recovery-402/#comments Thu, 09 Nov 2023 06:30:21 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6897 What is gossip? How is it harmful to my recovery? Spencer and Laurel discuss gossip and how it can hinder our path to recovery. We share our personal experiences, elaborating on how we used to perceive gossip and how this perception has changed. We lay emphasis on the power of silence, restraining oneself from engaging...

The post Finding Freedom from Gossip and Creating Positive Relationships in Recovery – 402 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/11/finding-freedom-from-gossip-and-creating-positive-relationships-in-recovery-402/feed/ 1 What is gossip? How is it harmful to my recovery? Spencer and Laurel discuss gossip and how it can hinder our path to recovery. We share our personal experiences, elaborating on how we used to perceive gossip and how this perception has changed. What is gossip? How is it harmful to my recovery?



Spencer and Laurel discuss gossip and how it can hinder our path to recovery. We share our personal experiences, elaborating on how we used to perceive gossip and how this perception has changed. We lay emphasis on the power of silence, restraining oneself from engaging in gossip, and talk about relevant situations from our work lives. We conclude by acknowledging that refraining from gossip can be a lifelong struggle but a resultant increase in authenticity in relationships makes it worth it.



In our conversation, these three things emerge:



Harmful effects of gossip: Gossip can be harmful, both to individuals and to relationships. Damage is caused by spreading rumors, engaging in speculation, and talking about others without their presence. We highlight the importance of being mindful of the information we share and the impact it can have on others.



The importance of boundaries: We must set boundaries when it comes to gossip. We can recognize when conversations are turning towards gossip and actively choose not to engage in or perpetuate such discussions. Tools we can use to avoid gossip are silence and self-restraint.



The value of personal reflection and growth: We express the personal growth and self-reflection that can occur through practicing the tools and principles of the Al-Anon program. We can learn to navigate gossip and gossip-like situations by reflecting on our own behavior, practicing empathy and compassion, and focusing on personal responsibility rather than blaming others. We are constantly learning from our experiences and striving to improve our interactions with others.



Readings and Links



Laurel chose readings from Courage to Change, January 25 and October 26.



She also pulled in the concept of “hotwiring intimacy” using gossip from Brené Brown's book Braving the Wilderness.



Spencer was inspired and deeply affected by a couple of podcast episodes:




* Fragmented to Whole, episode 229, “Why I Think of Gossip as an Anti-Intimacy Campaign”



* This American Life, episode 809, “The Call“




Veronica suggested Where'd You Go , Bernadette as another book with Al-Anon themes (referencing episode 399, “Finding Al-Anon Lessons in Classic Novels”)



Nancy was inspired by the book Incurable Hope by Lisa Gennosa, and by hearing her speak.



(Note: I earn a small amount from qualified purchases through links to Amazon. I earn nothing from links to the Al-Anon book store.)



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Adele – Rumor Has It





Jill Scott – Hate on Me





The Go-Go's – Our Lips Are Sealed
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:28:20 What is my Motive? – 401 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/09/what-is-my-motive/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/09/what-is-my-motive/#respond Sat, 02 Sep 2023 16:00:17 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6890 At a recent meeting, the topic was Step 11. I most often share about my difficulties in creating a regular program of prayer and meditation. But at this meeting, I picked the second part of the step “Praying only for knowledge of God’s will…” The question that I face when I consider that phrase is,...

The post What is my Motive? – 401 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/09/what-is-my-motive/feed/ 0 At a recent meeting, the topic was Step 11. I most often share about my difficulties in creating a regular program of prayer and meditation. But at this meeting, I picked the second part of the step “Praying only for knowledge of God’s will…” The quest... At a recent meeting, the topic was Step 11. I most often share about my difficulties in creating a regular program of prayer and meditation. But at this meeting, I picked the second part of the step “Praying only for knowledge of God’s will…” The question that I face when I consider that phrase is, “how do I know if something is God’s will or just mine?”



Apparently, I last talked about this question in Episode 61 “Intuition or God’s Will?”



One tool that I try to remember to use when faced with this question is to ask myself “What is my motive?” I was guided to this question by a program friend some years ago. An acquaintance had had a horrible experience, and I was thinking about calling them to let them know I cared. But, I also had enough Al-Anon experience to know that I really ought to check this out with someone else, first. So I called a program friend, and described what I was considering. This friend then asked me “What is your motive?”



That made me stop and think. What was my motive? Did I really think that I could provide support? Or was I just trying to make myself feel better about not being able to actually do anything about the situation? Was I close enough to my acquaintance to even talk to them about their experience? 



In the end, I decided that this idea came from my will, with the motive of making myself feel better, and did not call. Years later, I still think that was the right decision.



There are other situations in which I ask myself, “what is my motive?” Listen to hear about them.




*




Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, January 18.



Feedback?



What is your experience using the question, “What is my motive?” Please send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or call our voice mail line at 734-707-8795.
]]> The Recovery Show 401 401 full false 19:22 Milestones – 400 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/08/milestones-400/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/08/milestones-400/#respond Thu, 17 Aug 2023 03:29:31 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6881 Reaching and recognizing significant milestones is an integral part of the recovery process. Celebrating these moments of progress might include acknowledging the ability to set personal boundaries, letting go of blame, or embracing presence in the current moment. These victories, regardless of how small, contribute significantly to personal growth and healing, reinforcing the transformative power...

The post Milestones – 400 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/08/milestones-400/feed/ 0 Reaching and recognizing significant milestones is an integral part of the recovery process. Celebrating these moments of progress might include acknowledging the ability to set personal boundaries, letting go of blame, Reaching and recognizing significant milestones is an integral part of the recovery process. Celebrating these moments of progress might include acknowledging the ability to set personal boundaries, letting go of blame, or embracing presence in the current moment. These victories, regardless of how small, contribute significantly to personal growth and healing, reinforcing the transformative power of recovery.







What is a milestone? One dictionary definition says “A point in a chain of events at which an important change (as in one's fortunes) occurs.” Eric tells us about “waypoints”, which are a way of navigating a boat from one port to another. Waypoints are places along the route where you can measure your progress, and navigate from each one to the next. In a 12-step program, one set of waypoints would be the steps themselves, as they mark our journal of recovery. We navigate from each step to the next, as they build on each other.



This episode has contributions from many listeners, who chose to share experiences such as these:




* Experiencing an Emotional Breakthrough



* Letting Yourself Off the Hook,



* Surrender and Relapse,



* Recognizing a Spiritual Awakening,



* Finding Guidance Through a Cancer Diagnosis,



* Gratitude for Recovery and Intervention Success,



* Detaching with Love and Personal Growth,



* The Benefits of Volunteering,



* Finding a Relationship with a Higher Power,



* Navigating Life with an Active Drinker,



* Setting Boundaries and Seeking Help,



* Finding the Right Sponsor,



* Learning to Detach and Set Boundaries








Readings and Resources



We read from Courage to Change, June 24.



Eric talked about a personal breakthrough and the song that was connected to it, “Give Me Your Eyes” by Brandon Heath. If you want to hear more about it, listen to Episode 380, Awareness and Acceptance, at about the 15 minute mark.



A listener mentioned episode 387, Co-Crazy as an inspiration for her milestone.



I used DALL-E to generate the image of “400 with wings” for this episode.



Upcoming topics



Did you attend the Al-Anon International Convention? We'd love to hear about your experience. You can send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or you can call and leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795.







Music from the Show





Brandon Heath – Give Me Your Eyes





Fleetwood Mac – Landslide
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:26:15 Finding Al-Anon Lessons in Classic Novels — 399 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/finding-al-anon-lessons-in-classic-novels-399/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/finding-al-anon-lessons-in-classic-novels-399/#comments Wed, 28 Jun 2023 05:44:06 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6877 I noticed how different people in the story respond to the drinking in different ways. It leapt off the page to me, not only because I recognized stories that I could have heard in the rooms, but also my own perception of their reactions. – Frances Step into the pages of classic literature and discover...

The post Finding Al-Anon Lessons in Classic Novels — 399 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/finding-al-anon-lessons-in-classic-novels-399/feed/ 1 I noticed how different people in the story respond to the drinking in different ways. It leapt off the page to me, not only because I recognized stories that I could have heard in the rooms, but also my own perception of their reactions. I noticed how different people in the story respond to the drinking in different ways. It leapt off the page to me, not only because I recognized stories that I could have heard in the rooms, but also my own perception of their reactions. – Frances



Step into the pages of classic literature and discover a hidden world of connection and understanding. In this podcast episode, we explore the what Frances uncovers as she dives into the timeless tales of ‘Adam Bede' and ‘A Tree Grows in Brooklyn'. As she delves deeper into these stories, she realizes they hold a mirror to her own experiences in the Al-Anon community. The characters' struggles with problem drinking resonate with her on a profound level, unveiling a new layer of relatability and guidance. This episode promises to leave you eager to explore the unexpected connections between literary gems and your own journey.



Frances was searching for solace during the lockdown, finding comfort in the pages of classic literature. She dove into the world of Little Women, among others, but it was two particular stories that painted a vivid picture for her – Adam Bede by George Eliot and A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith. The familiar theme of problem drinking among key characters leapt off the page, stirring within her a deep-seated recognition from her own experiences.



Her perception had shifted since her involvement with Al-Anon. She no longer saw the characters' reactions to substance abuse as simply plot points, but as tangible, relatable experiences. She saw the anger, resentment, martyrdom and enabling, all familiar from her own life and from the stories she'd heard in the meeting rooms. It was fascinating to see such parallels in these classic tales, highlighting that the struggle with addiction and the impact on loved ones is not a new societal issue, but one that has echoed throughout time.







Readings and Links



We read from How Al-Anon Works, pp. 35-36 (“Opening Up”), and p. 85 about forgiveness and compassion.



Frances also mentioned a reading from Courage to Change, May 1, which had the phrase “If only _____ would happen…”



The books we discussed are available from many sources, including your public library. If you wish to purchase copies, here are links to buy them on Amazon. (Note: The Recovery Show receives a small commission for qualified sales from these links.)



Adam Bede by George Eliot.



A Tree Grows in Brooklyn by Betty Smith.



What's next?



Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment?



Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795.







Music from the Show



]]> The Recovery Show 399 399 full false 1:08:17 What we learned in 2022 — 398 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/what-we-learned-in-2022-398/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/what-we-learned-in-2022-398/#respond Mon, 19 Jun 2023 22:06:39 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6873 What valuable lesson did you learn in 2022? Our answers include: Upcoming topics Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough,...

The post What we learned in 2022 — 398 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/06/what-we-learned-in-2022-398/feed/ 0 What valuable lesson did you learn in 2022? Our answers include: Upcoming topics Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your ... What valuable lesson did you learn in 2022?



Our answers include:




* Don't rush in at try to fix it!



* How practicing these principles at work can lead to unexpected, great outcomes.



* It begins with me!



* Understanding my limitations and living within them.








Upcoming topics



Coming up is our 400th episode. Eric suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle, Higher Power or spiritual awakening moment?



Record a voice memo and email it to feedback@therecovery.show. Send us an email. Or, call our voicemail at 734-707-8795.







Music from the Show



Listener Renee recommended this rendition of the “St. Francis Prayer”.





Olivia Newton John – Instrument of Peace
]]> The Recovery Show 398 398 full false 41:27 From Wounded to Empowered: Misti B’s Path to Forgiveness — 397 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/05/from-wounded-to-empowered-misti-bs-path-to-forgiveness-397/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/05/from-wounded-to-empowered-misti-bs-path-to-forgiveness-397/#comments Wed, 24 May 2023 13:34:37 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6868 Misti's journey of self-discovery and forgiveness takes her through the depths of her family's addiction and abuse. Just as she begins to find inner peace, a shocking revelation forces her to confront the past and leaves her questioning everything she thought she knew. Will she find the courage to continue her journey towards healing and...

The post From Wounded to Empowered: Misti B’s Path to Forgiveness — 397 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/05/from-wounded-to-empowered-misti-bs-path-to-forgiveness-397/feed/ 1 Misti's journey of self-discovery and forgiveness takes her through the depths of her family's addiction and abuse. Just as she begins to find inner peace, a shocking revelation forces her to confront the past and leaves her questioning everything she ... Misti's journey of self-discovery and forgiveness takes her through the depths of her family's addiction and abuse. Just as she begins to find inner peace, a shocking revelation forces her to confront the past and leaves her questioning everything she thought she knew. Will she find the courage to continue her journey towards healing and forgiveness?




In order to keep the fire for justice burning, we need to keep burning our wounds open as perpetual evidence. Living like this, it is impossible to heal. – Mark Nepo
The Book of Awakening



My special guest is Misti B.



Misti is a dedicated member of the recovery community who has experienced the healing power of forgiveness in her life. After navigating through her own family's addiction and abuse issues, Misti gained valuable insights that have allowed her to cultivate inner peace and let go of resentment. With a strong connection to the power of storytelling, she has been able to share her journey with others, providing hope and inspiration for those struggling with similar challenges.



Misti's story



The healing process was not an easy one for Misti B, but in time she discovered the power of true forgiveness. She learned that she didn't have to keep the pain alive to keep the truth alive. Through her journey in Al-anon, she found the strength to face her pain and take responsibility for her own happiness. When she called her mother to apologize and offer forgiveness, her mother's denial of the abuse only solidified Misti's resolve to let go of the resentment and continue on her path to healing. By embracing forgiveness, she was able to find her identity and inner strength, and ultimately transform her life.



In this episode, you will be able to:




* Delve into the necessity of confronting pain and trauma for true healing and growth.



* Embrace the transformative power of forgiveness for personal freedom and peace.



* Recognize the essential role of vulnerability and acceptance in the act of forgiveness.



* Understand how self-care and boundaries fit into a healthy and sustainable recovery process.




Resources in this episode




* Read Mark Nepo's book, The Book of Awakening, for daily inspiration. Misti read the entry titled “About Forgiveness”, for September 28, on p. 317 in the 20th anniversary edition.



* Attend Al-anon meetings to find support and begin the journey of recovery.



* Consider engulfing oneself in recovery to heal from painful experiences.



* Seek therapy to process and work through trauma.



* Explore forgiveness as a way to exchange resentment for inner freedom.



* Validate your own experiences and pain from the center out.



* Let go of ledgers of injustice and retribution to regain feeling in your heart.



* Imagine how the holy pieces of broken relationships can go together through love.



* Consider requiring loved ones to be in recovery before reestablishing a relationship.




Upcoming topics



Our 400th episode is coming! Eric B suggested the topic of milestones for that “milestone” episode. What can you identify as significant events or turning points in your travels on the road to recovery? Have you experienced such things as a breakthrough, or an achievement like completion of a difficult task or step (like the 9th, or 12th…). Have you experienced a miracle,]]> The Recovery Show 397 397 full false 1:36:23 Boundaries Revisited – 396 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/boundaries-revisited-396/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/boundaries-revisited-396/#comments Wed, 29 Mar 2023 00:31:02 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6860 It's been a while since we talked about boundaries. Barb N brings her own perspective and experience to this conversation. Barb hit a co-dependent bottom at the age of 52, although at that time she had never heard of the word co-dependent! She was trying to help out a homeless man, and invited him to...

The post Boundaries Revisited – 396 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/boundaries-revisited-396/feed/ 1 It's been a while since we talked about boundaries. Barb N brings her own perspective and experience to this conversation. Barb hit a co-dependent bottom at the age of 52, although at that time she had never heard of the word co-dependent! It's been a while since we talked about boundaries. Barb N brings her own perspective and experience to this conversation.



Barb hit a co-dependent bottom at the age of 52, although at that time she had never heard of the word co-dependent! She was trying to help out a homeless man, and invited him to stay for a little while in her home during a snowstorm, and then for another reason, and, as she says “by a few months later, he was practically living with me and I felt trapped in my home.” She clearly had no boundaries.



She started going to CODA (co-dependents anonymous). She was visiting a friend, and they couldn't find a CODA meeting, so her friend suggested ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). At that meeting, she heard the “laundry list” for the first time — the 14 characteristics of an adult child. She immediately identified with 7 of those, and “was blown away.” She now says, “I actually have 13 of those. I was in such denial.”



Barb has a podcast, titled “Fragmented to Whole”, because, she says, “for me, the process of recovery … has been the integration of all of those fragments into one coherent whole.” And being whole, she now has solid boundaries — which really was not possible when her life was so fragmented.



She distinguishes two types of boundaries, which she calls boundaries of self-containment, and boundaries of self-protection.




A boundary of self containment is something that you need to contain or stop doing. And what I've figured out over time is that there's two kinds of boundaries of self containment. Many of boundaries of self containment only affect me. Nobody else ever even needs to know about them.



For example, when I put a boundary of self containment around my negative self-talk, nobody else needs to know that's happening. It's a boundary for me.



But then there are other boundaries of self containment that affect me and other people. Gossiping is a good example. That was one of my worst defects of character, which I was shocked to learn.




Setting a boundary of self-containment on gossiping does need to be communicated to others. They need to know that I am no longer engaging in that behavior. Even though I am setting the boundary on my own behavior, it still affects the others around me.




Boundaries of self-protection … are the things that I need to protect myself from the outside world, often other people, but it could also be environments like, going into toxic environments or situations.



[I like this] Chinese proverb, “It's easier to put slippers on your feet than to carpet the world.” What that means is the world has sharp, jagged edges and wouldn't it be nice to carpet the entire world so that I could walk around on a nice cushy earth? Well, that's ridiculous, right? So instead, it's a lot easier to just get slippers and put them on my feet?



[A] boundary of self protection is, what is it that you need to do to cushion yourself from the world? … I think the number one myth I hear from people about boundaries is they think, when I get boundaries, I'm gonna be able to control other people. I'm gonna be able to get people to stop doing the things they're doing that I don't want them to do.



That's a thing that doesn't happen.




There's a lot more in the episode, including Barb's 3 tools of recovery: 4 ways of keeping the focus on herself; reaching out; and pausing.



Readings and Links



Barb read “the solution” from the 396 396 full false 1:24:55 The Relationship between Mother and Son – 395 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/the-relationship-between-mother-and-son-395/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/the-relationship-between-mother-and-son-395/#comments Sun, 05 Mar 2023 21:35:40 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6850 How is the relationship between a mother and her son affected by alcholism and addiction? Join us as Amy shares her experience, strength, and hope (and particularly hope), as we explore how her relationship with her son was affected by his alcoholism and addiction. She says “I do wanna clarify, you know, I'm gonna use...

The post The Relationship between Mother and Son – 395 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/03/the-relationship-between-mother-and-son-395/feed/ 4 How is the relationship between a mother and her son affected by alcholism and addiction? Join us as Amy shares her experience, strength, and hope (and particularly hope), as we explore how her relationship with her son was affected by his alcoholism a... How is the relationship between a mother and her son affected by alcholism and addiction?



Join us as Amy shares her experience, strength, and hope (and particularly hope), as we explore how her relationship with her son was affected by his alcoholism and addiction. She says “I do wanna clarify, you know, I'm gonna use mother, son cuz that's my experience. But, this can be a parent of a child. It could be a dad and a daughter. It could be a parent of a teen or a young adult or even, you know, an adult child. So it's just the relationship I wanted to focus on. Cause it's unique and the way the disease affects this relationship is unique.”



She says, of the generational nature of the disease, “It can go way, way back, and I think that's common and certainly, I am no exception to that. I am a great-granddaughter, probably beyond, granddaughter of the disease. I'm a daughter of the disease. I married the disease and I gave birth to the disease.” And, “about a year ago, I was asking my higher power. When is this gonna be over? I've got 32 years in Al-Anon and ACA, I kind of did them side by side in my recovery work. All my family's in recovery, which is a beautiful gift. When are we gonna be done? I got a really loud and very clear answer, that you will never be done. There will always be the presence of this disease in your life. And right in that moment, I went into acceptance and surrendered, Step one and two. … I guess my my choice is how do I respond to that reality? So that's why I've been in the program for all these years, and it will be a lifelong partnership for me.”







She came into Al-Anon because of her husband's alcoholism, and when she realized her then 10-year old son might be affected, “And I got completely overwhelmed by fear. This fear rooted in me that I'd walk back through that door as a mother, having to deal with my son, that I was gonna come back in having to deal with his addictions.” And then, “that happened. Okay. It manifested. But, you know what I found out was I was walking back through that door as a different person. I had everything I needed to face that horrendous challenge. … Now, I didn't know it'd be 25 years of it.”



There were years when she didn't know where he was or what he was doing. “I was so worn down and I didn't know if my son was dead or alive. he did move out of the area, which was a blessing. And I believe he was protecting us from watching him in this self-destructive, lifestyle. And I'm grateful. I'm so grateful. It was one less thing that I had to face.”



She was feeling hopeless. “A minister at a church I was attending at the time offered counseling. And so I went and I told him this story and I said, I don't sit in toxic, negative stuff very long. I wanna do something about this. and he gave me a really neat suggestion that I'd like to share.




He said, when you think of your son, don't think of a drug addict, Shooting up and toothless and all that.



He said, think of him full of light, thriving, healthy in recovery, living his best life. He said, if you can't do that right now, he said, go home and find a picture of him when he was a little boy before the active addiction, because that's who he truly is under the disease. That's the light.



That's the person who's under that disease. And I said, okay. Cause I do good on homework. I go home, . I found the picture and it opened that crack in the door to rebuild the hope and invite it back to my heart just to crack. And it was enough to get me started.




Amy shared something that she would do when she found herself looping down into obsessive thinking.]]> The Recovery Show 395 395 full false 1:44:10 People of Color in Recovery – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging – 394 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/02/people-of-color-in-recovery-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-belonging-394/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/02/people-of-color-in-recovery-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-belonging-394/#comments Tue, 14 Feb 2023 02:55:52 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6843 Mary is an Al-Anon member who is Korean. She brings her experience as a person of color in the rooms of recovery to the podcast. Our conversation touches on all the points below, plus more. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change page 61, March 1st, and from Many Voices, One Journey, Al-Anon's...

The post People of Color in Recovery – Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging – 394 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/02/people-of-color-in-recovery-diversity-equity-inclusion-and-belonging-394/feed/ 8 Mary is an Al-Anon member who is Korean. She brings her experience as a person of color in the rooms of recovery to the podcast. Our conversation touches on all the points below, plus more. Readings and Links We read from Courage to Change page 61,



Mary is an Al-Anon member who is Korean. She brings her experience as a person of color in the rooms of recovery to the podcast. Our conversation touches on all the points below, plus more.




* How diverse is my group?



* How can we bring the message of recovery to a greater number of people of all backgrounds, ages, and genders? (From page 382 of Many Voices, One Journey.)



* Step 12

* Carry this message to others.





* Membership survey



* Anonymity

* Or lack thereof





* Searching for People of Color meetings



* Traditions 10

* The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.



* How the tradition is used.

* My experience of doing service at a conference



* WSO







* Safety



* Tradition 3

* The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al‑Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.



* This tradition is used in the service manual as a reason why “all Al‑Anon groups welcome anyone.”





* Tradition 4

* Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.





* Concept 5

* The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.










Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change page 61, March 1st, and from Many Voices, One Journey, Al-Anon's story of growth and recovery as experienced by individual members and the fellowship as a whole over Al-Anon’s first 60 years.



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





It's Quiet Uptown – from Hamilton





Rihanna – Lift Me Up
]]> The Recovery Show 394 394 full false 1:15:26 Take What You Like and Leave the Rest — 393 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/take-what-you-like-and-leave-the-rest-393/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/take-what-you-like-and-leave-the-rest-393/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2023 04:45:43 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6837 If you’ve been to a few meetings, you’ve probably heard us say, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” Why do we say this? What does it mean to you? One place this sentence appears is in the Suggested Al-Anon Closing, which starts, In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed...

The post Take What You Like and Leave the Rest — 393 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/take-what-you-like-and-leave-the-rest-393/feed/ 2 If you’ve been to a few meetings, you’ve probably heard us say, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” Why do we say this? What does it mean to you? One place this sentence appears is in the Suggested Al-Anon Closing, which starts, In closing, If you’ve been to a few meetings, you’ve probably heard us say, “Take what you like and leave the rest.” Why do we say this? What does it mean to you?



One place this sentence appears is in the Suggested Al-Anon Closing, which starts,




In closing, I would like to say that the opinions expressed here were strictly those of the person who gave them. Take what you liked and leave the rest.




Spencer and Holly talk about “take what you like, and leave the rest”, guided (very) roughly by these discussion questions.




* Why do we say this?



* Why does it immediately follow a sentence about personal opinions?



* Do you remember when you first heard these words?



* What did it mean to you, then?



* What does it mean to you, now?



* How has your understanding of this changed?




Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, p. 117, April 26.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is what valuable lesson did you learn in 2022? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Queen – Keep Yourself Alive





The Beatles – Blackbird





Alanis Morissette – Guardian
]]> The Recovery Show 393 393 full false 56:01 Step 12 – 392 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/step-12-392/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/step-12-392/#respond Wed, 18 Jan 2023 05:54:22 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6833 The only promise in the 12 steps is contained in Step 12. It promises that if we work these steps, that we will have a spiritual awakening. Then it asks us to then carry the message, and practice the principles of recovery in all our affairs. Step 12 is really composed of 3 parts. Let's...

The post Step 12 – 392 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/step-12-392/feed/ 0 The only promise in the 12 steps is contained in Step 12. It promises that if we work these steps, that we will have a spiritual awakening. Then it asks us to then carry the message, and practice the principles of recovery in all our affairs. The only promise in the 12 steps is contained in Step 12. It promises that if we work these steps, that we will have a spiritual awakening. Then it asks us to then carry the message, and practice the principles of recovery in all our affairs.



Step 12 is really composed of 3 parts. Let's look at each of the 3 parts in more depth.



1. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps




* What has a spiritual awakening looked like for me? Did I have expectations about it? When/where/how did it happen, and can I pinpoint it?





* How did the stepwork—i.e. working the steps with a sponsor, going to meetings, and reading literature—lead to that awakening? Were there any key moments, events, or experiences that shifted my perception? Did some steps come easier than others?




2. We tried to carry this message to others




* What is the purpose of trying to carry this message to others? Do I check my own motives for this before engaging in it?





* In what ways have I tried to carry this message? Do I sponsor? If so, how has it helped? If not, why not? Do I share al-anon with others outside program? If so, how)





* What have I learned from carrying the message to others? What do I continue to learn from other al-anon members, including newcomers? Do I have expectations about carrying the message to people outside al-anon? How do I avoid control and manipulation while carrying the message?




3. And to practice these principles in all our affairs




* What does it mean for me to practice these principles in all my affairs? Which principles? All my affairs? Are there any that do not get the “al-anon treatment?” What if there are no alcoholics, or no alcohol, in one of these “affairs?”




What are some examples in my life when practicing these principles in all my affairs has helped me to continue my recovery and to grow? Examples from work? Family life in general? Relationships and friends? What about interactions with strangers? What about fulfilling my dreams, goals, and values?











Readings and Links



We read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, June 26 and Dec 14. Also Hope for Today, January 3.



Kate shared a poem from There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery, by Portia Nelson.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics include what valuable lesson did you learn in 2022?.Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Smokey Robinson & The Miracles – You've Really Got a Hold on Me





George Harrison – All Things Must Pass





Cher – If I Could Turn Back Time
]]> The Recovery Show 392 392 full false 1:40:02 The power of stories – 391 https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/the-power-of-stories-391/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/the-power-of-stories-391/#comments Wed, 04 Jan 2023 06:09:42 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6818 We all have stories. In Al-Anon we tell our stories to each other. Why do we do this?  Our suggested welcome suggests that “we say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen.” In fact the full paragraph emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories Anonymity...

The post The power of stories – 391 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2023/01/the-power-of-stories-391/feed/ 1 We all have stories. In Al-Anon we tell our stories to each other. Why do we do this?  Our suggested welcome suggests that “we say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen. We all have stories. In Al-Anon we tell our stories to each other. Why do we do this? 



Our suggested welcome suggests that “we say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen.” In fact the full paragraph emphasizes the importance of sharing our stories




Anonymity is an important principle of the Al-Anon/Alateen program. Everything that is said here, in the group meeting and member-to-member, must be held in confidence. Only in this way can we feel free to say what is in our minds and hearts, for this is how we help one another in Al-Anon/Alateen.
How Al-Anon Works Chapter 2



There is power in stories. If I read “you should do X and Y to get Z”, my first impulse is to be skeptical. If, on the other hand, I hear you tell a story about doing X and Y and getting Z, I’m much more likely to accept that the same actions might help me. 



I look at the Al-Anon literature and see that so much of it is personal sharing, aka stories. The book How Al-Anon Works has x pages of “explication” and y pages of stories. I remember when I was new in Al-Anon, still unable to sleep at night, worrying about my loved one’s drinking. I could pick up the book, turn to one of the stories in the back, and find a little bit of relief, a hint of hope, or a view of possible serenity. And after reading a story or two, I could sleep. Just knowing that someone else had been where I was, and had gotten through, had gotten better, had recovered – that was enough for me at that moment.



Some stories are big and dramatic. Others are small and quiet. They all have power to reach into hearts and minds. Whether you share for a couple of minutes in a meeting, or give an hour-long talk, your story will inspire, enlighten, or brighten the day for someone.



Here are a few of my stories.




* 3 C’s



* Psych ward



* Ice cream/sponsor



* Setting a boundary in the car



* Making amends for rage




I know that you have stories, both big and small. I invite you to share them for a future episode. Send a voice memo or email to feedback@therecovery.show, or call our voicemail at 734-707-8795.




* Discussion points








Readings and Links



Spencer read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2, and Ashley read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20.



These episodes were mentioned in listener feedback




* 1, Boundaries.



* 3, Acceptance.



* 35, Step Eight



* 70, LIving with Alcoholism and Addiction



* 84, The four M's



* 87, Unmanageability



* 108, Criticism and Self-compassion



* 135, Cooperation and balance



* 141, Intimacy.



* 196, Resentment



* 211, Kindness and Courtesy



* 379, Letting go



* 380, Awareness and Acceptance



* 381, Acceptance is a gift of recover...]]> The Recovery Show 391 391 full false 1:48:01 Gratitude 2022 – 390 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/gratitude-2022-390/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/gratitude-2022-390/#respond Mon, 21 Nov 2022 02:03:45 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6811 What are you grateful for today? I asked that question of some listeners. 16 of you responded with shares, which I have compiled here. Many of you expressed gratitude for recovery, for Al-Anon and other 12 step programs, and for the changes in your lives that have come about. You are grateful for the people...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/gratitude-2022-390/feed/ 0 What are you grateful for today? I asked that question of some listeners. 16 of you responded with shares, which I have compiled here. Many of you expressed gratitude for recovery, for Al-Anon and other 12 step programs, What are you grateful for today?



I asked that question of some listeners. 16 of you responded with shares, which I have compiled here.



Many of you expressed gratitude for recovery, for Al-Anon and other 12 step programs, and for the changes in your lives that have come about. You are grateful for the people “in the rooms” that help you to feel less alone and less lost. And many are grateful for The Recovery Show.



Some of you are grateful for health and for the health of loved ones.



Gratitude for family is a thread.



Some find gratitude in nature.



Of course, God and Higher Power receive a lot of gratitude.



But there's a lot more in there, so listen to the podcast!



Feedback



You can share your gratitude, even though they won't be in this episode. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show



Pauline suggested the song Saviour by Jacob Collier.





Jacob Collier – Saviour



Eric G mentioned a recovery playlist he has put together, and called out these 3 songs.





Sara Bareilles – King of Anything





MisterWives – decide to be happy





Emily Sandé – Next to Me
]]> The Recovery Show full false 31:23 Four Primary Ideas – 389 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/four-primary-ideas-389/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/four-primary-ideas-389/#comments Wed, 02 Nov 2022 05:01:19 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6806 What are the four primary ideas? How have they been active in my recovery?. Readings and Links We read from the 2022–2025 Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, p. 20, “Four Primary Ideas” Upcoming topics You can contribute to our annual gratitude episode. What are you grateful for today? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your...

The post Four Primary Ideas – 389 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/11/four-primary-ideas-389/feed/ 4 What are the four primary ideas? How have they been active in my recovery?. Readings and Links We read from the 2022–2025 Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, p. 20, “Four Primary Ideas” Upcoming topics You can contribute to our annual gratitude episode. What are the four primary ideas? How have they been active in my recovery?.




* We are powerless over the problem of alcoholism.

* Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.



* Admitting my powerlessness freed me to come to Al-Anon



* It took many events to bring true acceptance of my powerlessness



* I could not find serenity and peace in my life until I accepted my powerlessness





* We can turn our lives over to a Power greater than ourselves.

* Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.



* I don’t have to do it alone.



* The groups and the literature are a source of help / new ideas / tools.



* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.



* I discovered that if I listen, if I pay attention, I will get guidance.

* “Still, small voice”



* Other members



* “coincidences” 





* The phrase “care of” God is important to me.





* We need to change both our attitude and our actions.

* What attitudes did I need to change?

* I know what is best for my loved one.



* It is my duty to “fix” other people.



* If I can’t, I am a failure.





* What actions came from those attitudes?

* All the things I did to try to convince her to stop drinking



* Raging





* But also,

* I’m not allowed to be happy unless others are happy.



* It is selfish to do things I want to do, if others don’t want to do those things



* My well-being is dependent on my loved ones’ well-being.



* I need your approval to know that I am a good person.





* And what actions came from those attitudes?

* Putting others' needs and wants ahead of mine.



* Not knowing my own needs and wants.



* Not doing things that I want to do



* Approval seeking







* We keep Al-Anon’s gifts by sharing them with others.

* You were there for me!



* When I listen to you, I hear my own experience. (“How is that you are living inside my head?!”) This won’t happen if I’m not in a meeting or talking with another member.



* Being a sponsor required that I dig deeper into my own recovery.



* Sharing my own ESH reminds me of where I came from and how much progress I have made. It inspires me to keep on working.










Readings and Links



We read from the 2022–2025 Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, p. 20, “Four Primary Ideas”



Upcoming topics



You can contribute to our annual gratitude episode. What are you grateful for today? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show


]]> The Recovery Show 389 389 full false 31:21 Recovery in the TV/Film Industry – 388 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/recovery-in-the-tv-film-industry/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/recovery-in-the-tv-film-industry/#respond Mon, 26 Sep 2022 05:31:31 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6800 Lisa H is using her recovery tools as she is working in the TV and film industry. My stereotype, at least, of this industry is that it is full of “dysfunctional” situations and people. Lisa came to Al-Anon when her therapist told her that although there was likely no alcoholism in her family of origin,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/recovery-in-the-tv-film-industry/feed/ 0 Lisa H is using her recovery tools as she is working in the TV and film industry. My stereotype, at least, of this industry is that it is full of “dysfunctional” situations and people. Lisa came to Al-Anon when her therapist told her that although ther... Lisa H is using her recovery tools as she is working in the TV and film industry. My stereotype, at least, of this industry is that it is full of “dysfunctional” situations and people.



Lisa came to Al-Anon when her therapist told her that although there was likely no alcoholism in her family of origin, there was an “alcoholic dynamic.” She says, “when I was there, I just felt really felt very safe and comfortable. And I immediately started crying. Like everyone started talking and I started crying and then someone talk and I started crying and then I felt comfortable talking, but then I'd start talking and then I'd start crying.”



In meetings, she “really loved people talking. They were talking about the truth of their lives and they were really sharing stories that were very, deep. … And I felt like at the time I was not surrounded by people who were really sharing truthful experiences … somehow I was craving it.”



“When I first started, I had that anxiety my chest, like I'd wake up in the morning and I'd have this anxiety.” Lisa got a sponsor and started working the steps. “I woke up one morning and I didn't have that anxiety in my chest. And then the next day I didn't have anxiety in my chest.” She says, “[it] was a higher power miracle that just took it away.”



We spent some time talking about how she did her inventory. After she wrote it out, and shared it with her sponsor, then her sponsor would say “Are you ready to let go of this today?” After Lisa said (maybe tentatively) “Yes,” then her sponsor told her to rip it up.



This brought us to talking about writing, inventory, journaling, etc. We both agree that writing brings out thoughts and ideas we didn't know we had, that we didn't know we were going to write until we wrote them. Which brought us to the story of what her dad wanted to tell her. And how her writing anticipated the totally unexpected things he had to share with her and her sister.



Finally, we got to her experience working in the TV and film industry, and how Al-Anon has helped her do so more sanely. And how she has come to a realization about what she really wants to do with her life.



Readings and Links



Lisa read from Courage To Change, Nov 7.



A listener wrote to recommend the ACA Adult Children Voices Across America podcast. (The link is to this podcast on Apple Podcasts — if you use a different app, you will need to search in that app to see if it's there.)



Another listener recommended the book Sober Siblings: How to Help Your Alcoholic Brother or Sister-and Not Lose Yourself by Patricia Olsen.



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Carole King – You've Got a Friend



This next one has a content warning — it glorifies and celebrates excessive drinking.





Cal Drinking Song





Joe Cocker – You Are So Beautiful
]]> The Recovery Show 388 388 full false 1:33:13 Co-Crazy – 387 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/co-crazy-387/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/co-crazy-387/#comments Wed, 07 Sep 2022 04:41:37 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6793 Are you co-crazy? How can we recover from the state of codependent craziness? Sarah M joined us to talk about her journey of recovery from what she calls “co-crazy”. Her book is titled Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom. Sarah says My path into recovery began when...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/09/co-crazy-387/feed/ 4 Are you co-crazy? How can we recover from the state of codependent craziness? Sarah M joined us to talk about her journey of recovery from what she calls “co-crazy”. Her book is titled Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addicti... Are you co-crazy? How can we recover from the state of codependent craziness?



Sarah M joined us to talk about her journey of recovery from what she calls “co-crazy”. Her book is titled Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom.



Sarah says



My path into recovery began when I was sober for 20 years or so and married a guy in the program who relapsed and my life fell apart. Before that I had gone to Al-anon when I was married in 1999 and it began to change my life. Going to Al-anon and working the steps and keeping the focus on myself rather than the other person was the turning point in my recovery.I wrote the book because I have worked with people in recovery for thirty years, and most people I worked with seriously struggled with their codependency.  I often say if my clients could do 2 things: 1) speak up and 2) set boundaries, I would not have a job! So treating the untreated codependency became what my work life was really about—helping people to look at the fear that was keeping them stuck and what was getting in the way..of speaking their truth…I believe codependency kills people. I am very committed to get this message out because focusing on others does not help you OR the other people, that is the delusion that coaddicts live in. My belief is the definition of codependency is simply the inability to be who you truly are. Its all about what others think and feel rather than what you think and feel.The take home message is that life can be soooo much easier and simpler when you just focus on yourself. You can find so much freedom and peace when you stay in your lane—and that you are worth it. That it is ok to feel good about yourself, its not selfish, you don’t have to feel guilty—focusing on yourself actually works so much better for both people…







Readings and Links



Sarah read a couple passages from her book Co-Crazy: One Psychologist's Recovery from Codependency and Addiction: A memoir & roadmap to freedom. It is available through Amazon or directly from Sarah. (Purchasing through the Amazon link benefits The Recovery Show, purchasing it from Sarah means she doesn't have to pay Amazon's cut).



In our conversation, we mentioned the podcast Adult Child. Be aware that the host, Andrea, uses explicit language that may not be suitable for all listeners.



Several listeners mentioned the Al-Anon book Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.



Another listener suggested a book on dementia that had helped him: The Last Ocean: What Dementia Teaches Us About Love, by Nicci Gerard.



In response to a listener looking for resources for a teen whose mother is in rehab, I suggested listening to the stories of recovering alcoholics, such as those presented on the Sober Speak podcast, and that they might want to try Alateen meetings, which are listed on the Al-Anon website, including online meetings available in the Al-Anon app.



Talk to the show



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.



]]> The Recovery Show 387 387 full false 1:37:46 Loss and Grief – 386 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/08/loss-and-grief-386/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/08/loss-and-grief-386/#respond Fri, 19 Aug 2022 04:24:34 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6788 I recently was asked to lead at an online meeting. This is what I said about loss and grief. Then, I asked some of you to share your responses, and you did! Spencer on Loss and Grief Thank you, Jo. thank you for inviting me. I have some gratitude that today is a holiday in...

The post Loss and Grief – 386 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/08/loss-and-grief-386/feed/ 0 I recently was asked to lead at an online meeting. This is what I said about loss and grief. Then, I asked some of you to share your responses, and you did! Spencer on Loss and Grief Thank you, Jo. thank you for inviting me. I recently was asked to lead at an online meeting. This is what I said about loss and grief. Then, I asked some of you to share your responses, and you did!



Spencer on Loss and Grief



Thank you, Jo. thank you for inviting me. I have some gratitude that today is a holiday in the USA so that, I'm not at work, which I normally would be at two o'clock in the afternoon, which is what it is for me here in Michigan. and that I'm able to share something with you. When Jo asked me to speak, I thought, what am I gonna talk about?



And then of course I let it go. And this morning when I had this panic at noon, my time that I thought, oh, no, the meeting is starting and I'm not there. I realized I hadn't thought about a topic. So I said, what's going on in my life right now. And one of the things that is going on in my life right now, and has been part of my life for a while now is, loss and grief. So I thought I'd share some experience, strength and hope, my experience, strength and hope, on that topic.



And I'm gonna be reading, from this Al-Anon book a little bit, it's called Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, and it is a book about loss and grief and, how, we can move through them, move into them, with , the tools of Al-Anon recovery. And I will note that this book has very recently been made available as an ebook also. So if that is your preferred mode of reading, go buy it at Amazon or apple or nook or wherever else eBooks are sold.,



So I wanna start with a reading. and this is a reading that I was at a point in my life where I didn't know that I was grieving. And I, for some reason I picked up this book and different parts of this book have spoken to me at different times in my life. But when I opened the book .



There's a section titled the recurring nature of grief. It's right at the beginning of the book, page 14, it says it is often these little changes that catch us by surprise. They seem to come out of nowhere. The day in and day out, disappointments of living with an alcoholic can become commonplace until one day we wake up feeling the effect of all those small losses.



Why, we wonder, do we suddenly feel sad about our situation, especially when we may have spent months or even years living this way. Many of us have lived with the notion that grief is something we feel when we have lost something tangible when someone has died or gone away. In Al-Anon. We learn that though the alcoholic may still be living, he or she isn't able to be fully present emotionally, spiritually, or even physically.



Recognizing that we are not living the lives we had planned or hoped for, with the person we love is a loss that occurs gradually. Each day, we lose a little bit more until what remains is merely a shadow of the person or life we thought we knew. Living with ongoing grief of this kind can be particularly trying.



I'm gonna come back to that reading where I wanted to start actually was this recognition that I had, when I read that passage, that I was grieving the loss of, of something that had been part of my life that had been really important in my life for a long time. and I had recently returned from a conference, for this particular hobby that I was involved in.



And while I was at that conference, I just wasn't getting the enjoyment out of it that, that I used to get, and I didn't understand why not. And I was feeling very restless, irritable, and discontent during the conference. And I came home and I picked up this book a few days later and I read that and recognized that I was no longer as deeply involved in this and that I'd been gradually withdrawing from it for quite a while. And it took this conference where there were, several hundred people,]]> The Recovery Show 386 386 full false 1:28:39 Worry Less — 385 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/worry-less-385/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/worry-less-385/#respond Wed, 27 Jul 2022 07:20:10 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6782 Does your mind automatically tune into the worry-and-fear channel? Are you suffering from worry about your loved ones? What tools have you found to help escape from constant worrying? Gigi joins Spencer to talk about strategies and tools to worry less. We started with some of her story of codependence and worry. She identifies “whispered...

The post Worry Less — 385 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/worry-less-385/feed/ 0 Does your mind automatically tune into the worry-and-fear channel? Are you suffering from worry about your loved ones? What tools have you found to help escape from constant worrying? Gigi joins Spencer to talk about strategies and tools to worry less.... Does your mind automatically tune into the worry-and-fear channel? Are you suffering from worry about your loved ones? What tools have you found to help escape from constant worrying?



Gigi joins Spencer to talk about strategies and tools to worry less. We started with some of her story of codependence and worry.



She identifies “whispered lies” as a primary source of worry. You may be familiar with the “committee in your head” that tells you all the things you are doing wrong, and all the things that could go wrong.



The 4 strategies to worry less are



* Get honest (with yourself)* Claim power (a higher power)* Choose a new future* Use your growth practices (aka tools)



These connect to the 12 steps roughly like this: Get honest is Step 1, where we admit that the way we have been living isn't working for us (so well). “Claim power” is Steps 2 and 3, where we become aware that a higher power can help us, and ask for that help. We choose a new future in Steps 4-7, and take action to affirm that choice in Steps 8 – 12. And there are tools that help us in getting honest, claiming power, choosing a future, and worrying less.



Gigi discovered these strategies and tools for herself, and has shared them with us in her book Worry Less Now. The book describes 50 tools, and we certainly don't talk about all of them. Gigi does give examples of how she has used some of them in her journey to worrying less.



Once she got honest enough with herself to break through her denial, she thought “there must be a way to live other than by my will” (because her will was not bringing her happiness). What power could help? We talk about sources of power such as a program of 12-step recovery, the God of your religion, a divine spark within yourself, and a loving community. These are not exclusive — it's possible to reach out to all or any of them.



A few tools



Mindfulness Meditation is a key to self-awareness and self-honesty, as well as a great tool for getting off the “worry train”. Part of mindfulness meditation is to “watch” your thoughts. And as you're doing that, you might wonder, “who/what is it that is watching my thoughts?” and perhaps realize that “my thoughts are not me!” (Which, of course, means that “my worry is not me”.)



Finding a community of support. Many of us find such a community in our recovery program. In fact, this may be the first place we find such a supportive community. But it doesn't have to be the only such place. It is important to pick your “support people” carefully, though. One important characteristic to look for is the ability to listen fully, without interrupting, without injecting their own experience, and without giving unwanted advice!



The Serenity Prayer is something that many of us are already familiar with. It is a tool for claiming that positive power we are looking for.



The Golden Key is a practice of turning your thoughts away from the problem and towards positive power. If you have a Higher Power called God, then for you it might be a practice of “bringing God in”. Another term is “living in the solution” instead of “living in the problem.”



Readings and Links



We did talk about Gigi's book Worry Less Now. We could not have covered all 50 tools and the supporting strategies in the time we had together. It is available directly from Gigi, or via other online merchants such as 385 385 full false 1:45:13 Leaning into Faith – 384 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/leaning-into-faith-384/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/leaning-into-faith-384/#comments Wed, 06 Jul 2022 13:27:57 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6775 How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Kathy joins Spencer to dig into these questions and to share some recent experiences that prompted this topic. Our conversation touched on and was inspired by these topics: Fear and old behavior Fear of the G-O-D word How believe in...

The post Leaning into Faith – 384 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/07/leaning-into-faith-384/feed/ 3 How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Kathy joins Spencer to dig into these questions and to share some recent experiences that prompted this topic. Our conversation touched on and was inspired by these topics: Fear and ol... How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear?



Kathy joins Spencer to dig into these questions and to share some recent experiences that prompted this topic. Our conversation touched on and was inspired by these topics:



* Fear and old behavior* Fear of the G-O-D word* How believe in a higher power became easier* A story of “going through the fire to get to the other side” that pushed her into believing* Examples of asking for help and seeing the clear, powerful result of that request* “Faith V2” — really trusting and believing in my HPs path* related to acceptance, powerlessness, willingness, surrender, humility* Kathy's heart issue* COVID and fear of financial instability (and a trip to Disneyland)



A friend sent an inspirational quote on the day we were recording the podcast



Own ItThis life is yours.Take the power to choose what you want to do and do it well. Take the power to love what you want in life and love it honestly. Take the power to walk in the forest and be a part of nature. Take the power to control your own life. No one else can do it for you. Take the power to make your life happy.Unknown



Kathy wrote about this:



As we were digging into this and unpacking it as you say, their question was, it’s so overwhelming when I don’t know who I am… choosing what I want is such a big choice



I wanted to share this in the podcast because I feel like that’s an HP thing that this question came to me today



the strength of trusting in our HP is that we don’t have to know all the answers right now, thats where the faith comes in



taking it one tiny step at a time, using my HP for help to see which indicated next step is following my HPs path for me



Closing thoughts



Choosing faith over fear led me to be able to have serenity even in the middle of an emergency / crisis… 



it gives me great comfort to know that I have a HP to lean on, & my loved ones have their own HP and I’m not it



my worries don’t fix anything or anyone including myself, so it’s much better for everyone involved if I just let all that go



The thing I love about this program is that I can discover tools that work for me, that allow me to have serenity and peace.  Every day, every moment I have a choice – I can either use my tools or not.  If I put the tools down, the next moment I can choose to pick them up again.  My own serenity is up to me, which is the greatest example of self care I can give myself.  



I matter, I have value, and my serenity is worth making the effort to keep and protect.



Readings and Links



We read from



Courage to Change, Sept 8, p. 252



One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Sept 4, p. 248 and March 14, p. 74



Al-Anon Groups at Work, p. 24, Understanding Ourselves (last paragraph) This can be found in the Al-Anon Alateen Service Manual, which you can read online or download as a PDF file.



Kathy mentioned the Force and Power episode, number 249, which she said is “probably my favorite episode ever on The Recovery Show.”



Alateen electronic meet...]]> The Recovery Show 384 384 full false 1:23:53 Laurel S — Alcoholism Ended her Marriage — 383 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/06/laurel-s-alcoholism-ended-her-marriage-383/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/06/laurel-s-alcoholism-ended-her-marriage-383/#comments Fri, 24 Jun 2022 03:27:05 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6766 Laurel's story begins: My wife was 6 years sober when we met – but not in program. “AA doesn’t work for me”. She remained sober another 6 years. After our first baby and a big move for my career (that put her closer to her family) she decided she “wanted to try drinking again. I...

The post Laurel S — Alcoholism Ended her Marriage — 383 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/06/laurel-s-alcoholism-ended-her-marriage-383/feed/ 3 Laurel's story begins: My wife was 6 years sober when we met – but not in program. “AA doesn’t work for me”. She remained sober another 6 years. After our first baby and a big move for my career (that put her closer to her family) she decided she “want... Laurel's story begins: My wife was 6 years sober when we met – but not in program. “AA doesn’t work for me”. She remained sober another 6 years. After our first baby and a big move for my career (that put her closer to her family) she decided she “wanted to try drinking again. I think I can do it normally. I’m not the same depressed person I was in my 20s.” I was extremely apprehensive, and extracted all kinds of promises from her that if it became a problem, she would stop. But I also found it impossible to tell her “no” – how do you tell your spouse that you don’t trust them? And stay married? So in 2014, she began to drink casually. I didn’t know then, what I know now thanks to Al-Anon and AA – that this is the big delusion of all alcoholic – that they will someday be able to drink like other people can.



As you might expect, things did not get better from there. Her growing family was affected financially by choices her wife made. The hardest blow was when her wife withdrew from intimate relations. Laurel felt betrayed, but continued to try to keep her marriage going.



Listen to hear more, and what brought her to Al-Anon and the decision to ask for a divorce. At the beginning she went to 90 meetings in 90 days. She continues to attend meetings and work the steps. Laurel is now using the tools of recovery to take care of herself and her children.



Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, January 2, p. 2; June 3, p. 155; and October 7 p. 281.



A couple of podcast episodes that have particularly helped Laurel are episode 146, Emotional Safety; and episode 342, Co-parenting with an Alcoholic.



A listener recommended the book Mindfulness and the 12 Steps: Living Recovery in the Present Moment.



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is “faith vs fear”. How have you found faith, and how has it helped you let go of fear? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





George Harrison — Isn't it a Pity





Fleetwood Mac – Landslide





Iris Dement – Let the Mystery Be
]]> The Recovery Show 383 383 full false 1:27:36 Remembrance — 382 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/remembrance-382/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/remembrance-382/#comments Mon, 30 May 2022 05:28:14 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6758 How do you remember the loved ones you have lost? How do you measure their lives? When my grandfather died, my father wrote a thoughtful, personal remembrance of him. At that time, I thought “I’d never be able to do that!” Because of the work I have done in recovery, I can do that. The...

The post Remembrance — 382 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/remembrance-382/feed/ 1 How do you remember the loved ones you have lost? How do you measure their lives? When my grandfather died, my father wrote a thoughtful, personal remembrance of him. At that time, I thought “I’d never be able to do that! How do you remember the loved ones you have lost? How do you measure their lives?



When my grandfather died, my father wrote a thoughtful, personal remembrance of him. At that time, I thought “I’d never be able to do that!” Because of the work I have done in recovery, I can do that. The examples of others who were vulnerable and open in their sharings. The work of self-examination that I did in working the steps (with the help of many others and a loving higher power). My own practice at deeply sharing my own experience in meetings and with program friends. All of these changed me to be able to express my feelings and my understanding and my experience of my mother in this remembrance, recorded at her memorial service in mid-April, 2022.







Music from the Show





Rent cast – Seasons of Love





Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young – Teach Your Children




]]> The Recovery Show 382 382 full false 1:10:59 Acceptance is a Gift of Recovery – 381 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/acceptance-is-a-gift-of-recovery-381/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/acceptance-is-a-gift-of-recovery-381/#comments Sat, 07 May 2022 13:20:41 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6754 How is acceptance a gift of recovery for me? In March, 2021, I gave a talk at an online conference. I tried to follow this outline. What is acceptance?  What is it not?  Not “giving up” Not saying “this is ok” Recognizing reality How do I use acceptance? Not “crying against the night” Opening possibilities...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/05/acceptance-is-a-gift-of-recovery-381/feed/ 1 How is acceptance a gift of recovery for me? In March, 2021, I gave a talk at an online conference. I tried to follow this outline. What is acceptance?  What is it not?  Not “giving up” Not saying “this is ok” Recognizing reality How do I use acceptanc... How is acceptance a gift of recovery for me?



In March, 2021, I gave a talk at an online conference. I tried to follow this outline.



What is acceptance?  What is it not? 



* Not “giving up”* Not saying “this is ok”* Recognizing reality



How do I use acceptance?



* Not “crying against the night”* Opening possibilities for change.* Doing the “next right thing”* Reduce expectations & resentments



Early acceptance: Step 1: Powerless over my loved one’s alcoholism.         



Recently: accepting my parents’ aging and illness.



Dementia: triggering because memory problems reminded me of the active drinking days.



Grief: losing the parents I had known for decades (all my life!)



Denial: it’s not that bad.



Actions:



* Wanting them to move into assisted living.* OK, now what?* Learning to enjoy the time I had with the people they were becoming.* Photo albums & videos* Caring for them physically







Feedback



How have you experienced the gift of acceptance? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 381 381 full false 29:12 Awareness and Acceptance – 380 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/awareness-and-acceptance-380/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/awareness-and-acceptance-380/#comments Wed, 30 Mar 2022 00:54:58 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6750 How do you practice awareness and acceptance? How have they helped you to take actions that change the things you can? Eric and Spencer were invited to share at an online AA conference as the Al-Anon speakers. Eric chose to talk about awareness, and Spencer about acceptance. Naturally we both included the “3 A's”, Awareness,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/awareness-and-acceptance-380/feed/ 2 How do you practice awareness and acceptance? How have they helped you to take actions that change the things you can? Eric and Spencer were invited to share at an online AA conference as the Al-Anon speakers. Eric chose to talk about awareness, How do you practice awareness and acceptance? How have they helped you to take actions that change the things you can?



Eric and Spencer were invited to share at an online AA conference as the Al-Anon speakers. Eric chose to talk about awareness, and Spencer about acceptance. Naturally we both included the “3 A's”, Awareness, Acceptance, and Action.



The theme of the conference was The Language of the Heart, based on Bill W.'s writings for the The Grapevine, a monthly publication of Alcoholics Anonymous, as collected in a book titled The Language of the Heart.







Music from the Show





Edie Brickell & New Bohemians – What I Am





Jewel – Hands
]]> The Recovery Show 380 380 full false 52:48 Letting Go – 379 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/letting-go-379/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/letting-go-379/#respond Wed, 23 Mar 2022 01:58:23 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6745 What do you want to let go of? What is preventing you from completely letting go? Eric was inspired by a meditation he heard on the Insight Timer app, titled She Let Go. A very rough outline of our conversation follows: Readings and Links We read from Reaching for Personal Freedom, the Step 1 chapter;...

The post Letting Go – 379 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/letting-go-379/feed/ 0 What do you want to let go of? What is preventing you from completely letting go? Eric was inspired by a meditation he heard on the Insight Timer app, titled She Let Go. A very rough outline of our conversation follows: Readings and Links We read from ... What do you want to let go of? What is preventing you from completely letting go?



Eric was inspired by a meditation he heard on the Insight Timer app, titled She Let Go.



A very rough outline of our conversation follows:




* What does it mean to let go?

* Stop doing things that I don’t have the power to carry out (control someone else, e.g.)





* What am I letting go of?

* Resentment



* Anger



* Anxiety



* Blame



* Fear



* Shame



* Expectations



* Catastrophizing the future



* The past



* The need to be right, to win, to control



* Old behavior



* “Need” to react to triggers.



* Responsibility



* Dependence on others





* What tools do I have to help me let go?

* Slogans

* Let go and let God.



* How important is it?



* Would you rather be right or be happy?



* Easy does it. (let go of anxiety)



* One day at a time. (let go of worry)



* Live and let live – let go of trying to live someone else’s life for them and live my own





* Neutral responses

* You could be right.



* Oh.





* Random thoughts

* I have no dog in this fight.



* Not my circus, not my monkeys!



* Let go or be dragged.





* Meditation

* “Turned a 12-cylinder type A Leo into a 6 cylinder hybrid. Learned to slow down.”





* “Why?”

* “Drill down” to find something I can actually do something about. Example: I am afraid of my loved one’s drinking. Why? I am afraid that I will lose them. Why? I am afraid of being alone.







* When I let go of things I don’t like, I make room for new things (hopefully better things) to come in.



* Recognize “alcoholic” behaviors

* Provoke conflict



* Create anxiety





* When I let go of other people’s stuff, I can live my own life.








Readings and Links



We read from Reaching for Personal Freedom, the Step 1 chapter; Courage to Change, March 5.



The poem “She Let Go” was written by Safire Rose, and you can listen to it on Insight Timer, read by Jack Godsman.



Al-Anon books can be purchased online at the Al-Anon Store.



Patti asked about episodes on regaining trust. There are 3 about trust: How do you trust? – Episode 281, Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228, and Trust – Episode 91. In addition, this search turns up other shows where trust was a topic in some respect: 379 379 full false 1:30:38 Fireflies – Recovery of a Marriage – 378 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/fireflies-recovery-of-a-marriage-378/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/fireflies-recovery-of-a-marriage-378/#respond Sun, 13 Mar 2022 20:10:40 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6739 Al Anon Courage to Change: “We all have dark times in our lives, but the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our higher power would  have us be.” Lea's world...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/fireflies-recovery-of-a-marriage-378/feed/ 0 Al Anon Courage to Change: “We all have dark times in our lives, but the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our... Al Anon Courage to Change: “We all have dark times in our lives, but the journey to better times is often what makes us happier, stronger people. When we stop expecting instant relief, we may come to believe that where we are today is exactly where our higher power would  have us be.”



Lea's world fell apart one day, when her husband was diagnosed, in the Emergency Department, of liver failure from his drinking. She didn't even know that he was drinking that heavily, and had thought he might be having a stroke.



She writes:



I knew then that I had to intervene to get him into treatment because it was life or death.



I started therapy and Al-Anon and read numerous books and realized that I had to focus on my own recovery and let him walk his path. I realized that I needed to change the way I lived my life too as this is a lifelong disease. If my husband had diabetes or any other lifelong disease I would support him. I gave away my wine fridge, threw away all of our wine glasses, and chose sobriety.



But I had to work on my co-dependency issues and also recognized that I had to learn healthy coping mechanisms and start living my life for me.



She wrote a book about her experience, and about the path to recovery in her marriage.



I always enjoyed writing and that helped me “sit with my feelings” when I would write about them. The book came about because I felt so hurt and alone and there wasn’t a book that spoke to me. Writing helped me to heal and I thought maybe someone else would want to hear my story to not feel so alone. 







Readings and Links



Lea's book, Fireflies: Finding Light on a Journey Through Addiction, is available from Amazon through this sponsored link.



We have added a page with “neutral responses” at https://therecovery.show/responses



Upcoming topics



Lea suggested a topic of humor in recovery. How has recovery made it easier to laugh about the events and missteps along the way? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Bon Iver – Bruised Orange (John Prine cover)





Cage The Elephant – Trouble





Cage The Elephant – Love's The Only Way






]]> The Recovery Show 378 378 full false 1:16:56 Whether the Alcoholic is Still Drinking or Not – 377 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/whether-the-alcoholic-is-still-drinking-or-not-377/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/whether-the-alcoholic-is-still-drinking-or-not-377/#comments Wed, 02 Mar 2022 02:19:11 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6726 Our suggested opening tells us that “we can find contentment, and even happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How does this happen? How can we deal with the “isms” of the disease in a way that is healthy for ourselves? Nancy joins Spencer to share how this has been true in her life....

The post Whether the Alcoholic is Still Drinking or Not – 377 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/03/whether-the-alcoholic-is-still-drinking-or-not-377/feed/ 2 Our suggested opening tells us that “we can find contentment, and even happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How does this happen? How can we deal with the “isms” of the disease in a way that is healthy for ourselves? Our suggested opening tells us that “we can find contentment, and even happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How does this happen? How can we deal with the “isms” of the disease in a way that is healthy for ourselves?



Nancy joins Spencer to share how this has been true in her life.



Nancy came to “the rooms” when her son was in trouble with alcohol and drugs as a teen. At that age, she and her husband were able to make him go to treatment. Fast forward about 30 years, during which he lived a sober life.



Until he started struggling with depression and mental health issues, and eventually relapsed.



Nancy is grateful that she kept up her program in Al-Anon. Along with the support of a loving God, it helps her to maintain a relationship with her son, even when he pushes her away. She knows that she is doing, and has done the best she can to support him, without enabling, without “fixing”.







Readings and Links



Nancy read from Courage to Change, p. 124, May 3.



The reading she closed with, by Mitra Rahbar, is from Maria Shriver's The Sunday Paper, specifically in this edition. You can also read it in Mitra Rahbar's Facebook post.



Marylou shared a podcast episode with us, that touches on the importance of fellowship. The podcast is How to Human, the episode is a conversation with Kate Bowler, titled Chronic Uncertainty.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is “Letting go”. How do you “LET GO”?   What is it we want to Let Go of?  Resentment? Blame? Worry? Fear? Control? All of them? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Rascal Flatts – My Wish





Cyndi Lauper – True Colors





I Loved Him First – Joyce MacPhee










]]> The Recovery Show 377 377 full false 1:12:36 My Husband – 376 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-husband-376/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-husband-376/#comments Wed, 23 Feb 2022 04:39:10 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6720 A listener sent me a deeply moving and personal share about her life with her husband. She recorded the share shortly before attending his memorial service, after his death from the disease of alcoholism. She tells us of how he hid his drinking from her, and how it was not until he was nearly dead...

The post My Husband – 376 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-husband-376/feed/ 1 A listener sent me a deeply moving and personal share about her life with her husband. She recorded the share shortly before attending his memorial service, after his death from the disease of alcoholism. She tells us of how he hid his drinking from he... A listener sent me a deeply moving and personal share about her life with her husband. She recorded the share shortly before attending his memorial service, after his death from the disease of alcoholism. She tells us of how he hid his drinking from her, and how it was not until he was nearly dead of the disease that she suspected the truth. She also shares her deep love for him and how much she enjoyed his company and their time together. In the end, she is at peace with both his life and his death. I am grateful to her for sharing this with us.
]]> The Recovery Show 376 376 full false 26:24 Feeling new in recovery – 375 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/feeling-new-in-recovery-375/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/feeling-new-in-recovery-375/#respond Fri, 18 Feb 2022 02:58:35 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6715 I recently received an email from a person who is in early recovery. He is struggling with getting really into the program, and listed these issues he has.  Almost everybody member of my home group has years of recovery on me. It seems that everybody has taken the steps at least one time, and I...

The post Feeling new in recovery – 375 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/feeling-new-in-recovery-375/feed/ 0 I recently received an email from a person who is in early recovery. He is struggling with getting really into the program, and listed these issues he has.  Almost everybody member of my home group has years of recovery on me.



I recently received an email from a person who is in early recovery. He is struggling with getting really into the program, and listed these issues he has. 



* Almost everybody member of my home group has years of recovery on me.* It seems that everybody has taken the steps at least one time, and I am still in step 2.* People talk about their higher power as if it is so obvious that everybody has one. It seems easy to know what a higher power is.* The fellowship seems a happy place where every member wants to be around. Where i feel no need except for our meeting and the contacts with my sponsor.* The same goes for doing service. I Hear daily that this is the only way to stay sober. But I don't want to do service work.* As a newcomer I sometimes feel overwhelmed. But when other newcomers join our meeting I don't know what to do.* I find it difficult to see where I came from.* I often miss the more practical side “ what will help (now)”.



I have a great home group. And I know the things I have written probably tell a lot about myself and my own resentments. But these are my thoughts about the topic.



I asked the email list: Have you had similar feelings and experiences? What were the stumbling blocks for you? How did you respond? How did you “deal”? How were you able to “Come all the way in, sit all the way down, and stay”?



This episode has your responses.







Upcoming



Our next topic for next week is “Recovery whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not”. Our suggested opening tells us that “we can find contentment, and even happiness whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How does this happen? How can we deal with the “isms” of the disease in a way that is healthy for ourselves? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 375 375 full false 27:30 My Recovery is not Conditional on Yours – 374 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-recovery-is-not-conditional-on-yours-374/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-recovery-is-not-conditional-on-yours-374/#respond Mon, 14 Feb 2022 06:55:58 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6711 Is your recovery dependent on someone else’s? How does this hurt? Ester's partner decided to stop attending AA. How did she react? How did she use this to strengthen her own recovery? She paused (and let her HP in). She let him speak and did not say anything that would harm. The next challenge: he...

The post My Recovery is not Conditional on Yours – 374 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/02/my-recovery-is-not-conditional-on-yours-374/feed/ 0 Is your recovery dependent on someone else’s? How does this hurt? Ester's partner decided to stop attending AA. How did she react? How did she use this to strengthen her own recovery? She paused (and let her HP in). Is your recovery dependent on someone else’s? How does this hurt?



Ester's partner decided to stop attending AA. How did she react? How did she use this to strengthen her own recovery?



She paused (and let her HP in). She let him speak and did not say anything that would harm.



The next challenge: he said “do you want to know more about this decision?” She felt that this was “like an alcoholic having a beer poured right in front of him.” YES! She wanted to know more, but she recognized that would not be best for her and said so.



It was important to talk to her sponsor and other friends in the program. Both to “unload” and to hear support for her actions.



She completed Steps 4 & 5, which meant “I could see what underlying fears were at the root of my bodily reaction.”



This all enabled her to “Understand at an embodied level for first time since entering the rooms that my recovery is not conditional on yours. (And my bodily reaction told me that I had not yet got there even though I knew this to be true intellectually.)”



Now that this particular news is (mostly) overcome and she has Let it Begin With Me and Let Go Let God, is everything perfect? (What do you think?)



These reminders and triggers will come up, and her own reactions can still be trauma responses.



But, what has changed? Before recovery:



* taking it personally* accusing* irritated



Since entering recovery:



* Contact my sponsor * Contact friends in the fellowship whose recovery I admire and who I know will be there for me in a non-judgemental way* Depending on where I am in Step work, do some writing on it* Read today’s reading/s in daily readers, or topic readings based on what I feel I need a reminder of.* Keep up my Step work, but only when I have the mental/emotional/physical capacity. Not purely obligatory or to please Sponsor. Step work is for me. Recovery is for me.* Let it Begin With Me







Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, p. 109 (April 18) and p. 337 (Dec 2).



Talk to us



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Big Thief – Paul





Sara Bareilles – King Of Anything





Joan Jett & The Blackhearts – I Hate Myself for Loving You
]]> The Recovery Show 374 374 full false 1:42:31 Gratitude 2021 – 373 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/gratitude-2021-373/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/gratitude-2021-373/#comments Sun, 16 Jan 2022 19:38:28 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6704 In November, I asked the members of the email list, “what are you grateful for today?” These are your responses. I had hoped to get them out shortly after the US Thanksgiving holiday, but as life happened, that didn’t happen. Maybe this is a reminder that we can practice gratitude every day. I said this...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/gratitude-2021-373/feed/ 1 In November, I asked the members of the email list, “what are you grateful for today?” These are your responses. I had hoped to get them out shortly after the US Thanksgiving holiday, but as life happened, that didn’t happen. In November, I asked the members of the email list, “what are you grateful for today?” These are your responses. I had hoped to get them out shortly after the US Thanksgiving holiday, but as life happened, that didn’t happen. Maybe this is a reminder that we can practice gratitude every day.



I said this in my email (with a small edit for circumstances since then.)



For those of us in the US, our Thanksgiving holiday is just a few days away. Although it is important to me to express gratitude every day, I still give it particular emphasis around this time.



What am I thankful for right now?



I am thankful that nobody in my family has yet been affected by COVID.



… that I was able to visit with a son and his new wife, who we had not met before. And that we were able to enjoy the things we have in common and not dwell on the things that divide us.



… that my father and mother died peacefully and at home.



… that I have been able to connect with all of you during this time of isolation.



And, of course, I am grateful for everyone who sent in a share in response to that email, and which are shared in this episode.



What are you thankful for today?
]]> The Recovery Show 373 373 full false 17:21 Embracing Risk – 372 https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/embracing-risk-372/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/embracing-risk-372/#comments Wed, 05 Jan 2022 04:54:33 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6700 How do you embrace risk in your life today? How has this changed in recovery? Why can risk-taking be healthy? Spencer and SA explore these questions and others. “A ship in the harbor is safe—but that’s not what ships are for.” John A. Shedd Social psychology research tells us that at the end of their...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2022/01/embracing-risk-372/feed/ 1 How do you embrace risk in your life today? How has this changed in recovery? Why can risk-taking be healthy? Spencer and SA explore these questions and others. “A ship in the harbor is safe—but that’s not what ships are for.” John A. How do you embrace risk in your life today? How has this changed in recovery? Why can risk-taking be healthy? Spencer and SA explore these questions and others.



“A ship in the harbor is safe—but that’s not what ships are for.” John A. Shedd



Social psychology research tells us that at the end of their life, more people regret the risks they never took than the ones they did- even if it didn’t work out as they had hoped.  Today we explore the inherent role of positive, healthy risk-taking in recovery and ask: (SA note to Spencer-just ideas.  See if any resonate)



* What does the program teach us about risk taking? * Can healthy risk-taking lead to a fuller, happier life even when it requires venturing from the safety of the shore? * How can risk-taking propel us forward in our personal growth? In our recovery? And in all of our affairs-i.e.-every facet of our lives? (SA note to Spencer-now that I have had a chance to marinate, I think this question may be redundant and covered on question 2. Your thoughts?) * Why do we find taking risks so challenging? * Is it easier to take risks in one area of our lives while we hesitate in another? * If so, can that inform the areas where we may consciously choose to incorporate more small, healthy risks in order to grow?* Can taking healthy risks serve as a role model for loved ones in our lives?



During a global pandemic, risk taking may seem a strange topic to undertake. Aren’t we all taking risks every day just to survive? Program note-the risk taking we are discussing today is not negative, dangerous, or risky behavior, but more those behaviors that take us to the edge of or dangling precariously from our comfort zone psychologically and emotionally. They are actions that remind us that while we may prefer to live our lives as though we are made of glass-fragile and breakable, we are, in fact, made of steel-strong and tough. 



Positive Risk Taking Defined: actions where the outcome is uncertain and 1) benefits the individual's well-being (a person may gain something) 2) its potential costs are mild in severity (there is no threat to health or safety) and 3) it is socially acceptable (Duell and Steinberg 2019). 



Risk Taking Synonyms: valor, adventurousness, courage, brave deed, daring action.Risk Taking Antonyms: cowardice, meekness, timidity. (The reason I added this is because I think it highlights the basic underlying premise of taking risks-none of us wants an MO of cowardice or timidity so it’s pretty much, take risks or perish. The antonyms are much more instructive for our purposes than the synonyms so if we are short on time, the synonyms can be cut).







* The risks of: going to your first meeting, speaking in a meeting for the first time, rigorous honesty, getting a sponsor, completing a fourth step inventory, admitting to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs (huge risk taking requiring such courage), etc.* How do taking these risks pay benefits in other areas of our life?* Is living with failure if things don’t work out as we hoped easier than living with regret that we never took the chance?* Once we really embrace our own recovery, why is it no longer safer to avoid risk?* What do we gain by staying in the safety of our box or by running away?* What do we miss out on?* What do we stand to gain by seeing life and our actions taking risks as an adventure?* What barriers or challenges to taking risks are there? A few include fear (our old friend again), perfectionism, procrastination, paralysis, disappointment, rejection, pain, avoidance, self-doubt, overthinking, etc. This could be a very lengthy but informative discussion.* Overthinking can be a huge barrier to taking a risk.]]> The Recovery Show 372 372 full false 1:29:26 Reflection on a loss, December 19, 2021 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/reflection-on-a-loss-december-19-2021/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/reflection-on-a-loss-december-19-2021/#respond Mon, 20 Dec 2021 21:21:13 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6696 My mother breathed her last on this day. I reflect on her life, what she meant to me, and what seeds she planted in me.

The post Reflection on a loss, December 19, 2021 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/reflection-on-a-loss-december-19-2021/feed/ 0 My mother breathed her last on this day. I reflect on her life, what she meant to me, and what seeds she planted in me. My mother breathed her last on this day. I reflect on her life, what she meant to me, and what seeds she planted in me.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 8:31 A Teacher in Recovery – 371 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/a-teacher-in-recovery-371/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/a-teacher-in-recovery-371/#comments Sat, 11 Dec 2021 17:17:43 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6683 Are you a teacher? How has recovery changed the way you teach? What recovery tools do you use in the classroom? Rajni joins Spencer to share her experience as a teacher, both before and after entering recovery. Our conversation started with a bit of Rajni's story. Characteristics that she identified in herself, pre-recovery, included these:...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/12/a-teacher-in-recovery-371/feed/ 2 Are you a teacher? How has recovery changed the way you teach? What recovery tools do you use in the classroom? Rajni joins Spencer to share her experience as a teacher, both before and after entering recovery. Are you a teacher? How has recovery changed the way you teach? What recovery tools do you use in the classroom?



Rajni joins Spencer to share her experience as a teacher, both before and after entering recovery.



Our conversation started with a bit of Rajni's story.



Characteristics that she identified in herself, pre-recovery, included these:



* Overdeveloped sense of responsibility – overcommitted * Hyper-vigilance* Perfectionism * Sarcasm* A lack of boundaries, obsessive thinking* Abandoning herself  by taking on students’ problems



Some recovery tools that she is now using include these:



* Appropriate boundaries.* The “wisdom to know the difference”



Some slogans she uses on a regular basis are:



* QTIP (Quit taking it personally)* Serenity Prayer (ACA Version)* I don’t have to react to everything * HALT (am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired?)* Hands off pays off – is it mine?* Easy Does It* 3 C’s & M’s* I didn’t cause it, I can’t control it, I can’t change it* Mothering, martyrdom, managing







Readings and Links



Rajni read from Courage to Change, January 12.



Al-Anon is looking for contributions for a new daily reader on the Steps, Traditions and Concepts.



An email from Gina referred to the summary of the 2014 World Service Conference, particularly the section on how to initiate change in the Al-Anon legacies, starting in the third paragraph on p. 36.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is “gratitude”. What are you grateful for this year? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Indigo Girls – Closer to Fine





Ingrid Michaelson – Be OK





Soul Asylum – Runaway Train






]]> The Recovery Show 371 371 full false 1:20:35 Gentleness with Myself – 370 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/gentleness-with-myself-370/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/gentleness-with-myself-370/#comments Fri, 19 Nov 2021 06:49:35 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6675 BHow have you treated yourself meanly or roughly? How have you learned to be gentle with yourself? Anna joins Spencer to talk about why being gentle with herself is so important in her recovery, and how an experience at Christmas revealed this to her and produced a spiritual awakening. Our conversation is guided by these...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/gentleness-with-myself-370/feed/ 1 BHow have you treated yourself meanly or roughly? How have you learned to be gentle with yourself? Anna joins Spencer to talk about why being gentle with herself is so important in her recovery, and how an experience at Christmas revealed this to her a... BHow have you treated yourself meanly or roughly? How have you learned to be gentle with yourself?



Anna joins Spencer to talk about why being gentle with herself is so important in her recovery, and how an experience at Christmas revealed this to her and produced a spiritual awakening.



Our conversation is guided by these concepts.



* how I learned to love myself through the fellowship (“my fellows loved me until I could love myself”)* how I use the St. Francis Prayer as a tool for gentleness with myself* this topic is also touching base with the idea of “self parenting” for me* how “gentleness with myself” is really my step zero. (every other step works so much better if I go to step zero first!)







Readings and Links



Anna read from the Just for Tonight bookmark.



She also recited the “Saint Francis Prayer”, which is included on the Just for Today bookmark.



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Alanis Morissette – Everything





Servant of Peace · Snatam Kaur





The Mamas – Touch the sky






]]> The Recovery Show 370 370 full false 1:32:21 Healing through Writing – 369 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/healing-through-writing-369/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/healing-through-writing-369/#comments Wed, 03 Nov 2021 04:46:34 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6670 Lisa grew up in alcoholism, addiction and abuse. She is finding healing through writing a novel. Content warning: Lisa talks about some of the abuse she survived as a child. Here are some of the questions that guided our conversation. Please tell us your story. What inspired you to write? How are your experiences reflected...

The post Healing through Writing – 369 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/11/healing-through-writing-369/feed/ 1 Lisa grew up in alcoholism, addiction and abuse. She is finding healing through writing a novel. Content warning: Lisa talks about some of the abuse she survived as a child. Here are some of the questions that guided our conversation. Lisa grew up in alcoholism, addiction and abuse. She is finding healing through writing a novel.



Content warning: Lisa talks about some of the abuse she survived as a child.



Here are some of the questions that guided our conversation.



* Please tell us your story.* What inspired you to write?* How are your experiences reflected in your protagonist?* What did you learn about yourself while writing it?* How has writing helped you to heal?* What is your wish for someone reading your book?



For that last question, Lisa has different goals for 3 different groups of readers. She says,



From How Al-Anon Works an excerpt from Chapter 28 about perfectionismFor those in recovery, I hope it’s a story they could relate to.For those who don’t realize they are living in an emotionally abusive home at the hand of alcoholism, maybe some of Carla’s experience will resonate with them and that this behavior is damaging and not okay and perhaps they will reach out to Ala-Teen or Al-anon to learn they didn’t cause, can’t cure, and can’t control, which is fancy recovery talk for, it’s not your fault!And finally, for those not in recovery, to understand that an alcoholic doesn’t have to be a slurring derelict on the street or Miss Hanigan in Annie. Alcoholism is a sneaky and progressive family disease that affects every person in the house







Readings and Links



Lisa read from How Al-Anon Works an excerpt from Chapter 28 about perfectionism.



Lisa's book Slanted and Disenchanted is available from many places including Amazon. (I do receive a small commission if you purchase through Amazon.)



Talk to us



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





The Killers – All These Things That I've Done





Modest Mouse – Float On





Sufjan Stevens – (This is) The Thing



And a bonus: the song that introduced Lisa to punk.





Bikini Kill – Feels Blind
]]> The Recovery Show 369 369 full false 1:38:31 A Disease of Relationships – 368 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/10/a-disease-of-relationships-368/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/10/a-disease-of-relationships-368/#comments Wed, 06 Oct 2021 04:30:59 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6661 We say that alcoholism is a disease of relationships. What do we mean by this? How are our relationships damaged and how can we recover from that damage? Spencer and Megan used these questions to guide our conversation. How has alcoholism affected your self-esteem? What were the results? Share your experience of forming and sustaining...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/10/a-disease-of-relationships-368/feed/ 2 We say that alcoholism is a disease of relationships. What do we mean by this? How are our relationships damaged and how can we recover from that damage? Spencer and Megan used these questions to guide our conversation. We say that alcoholism is a disease of relationships. What do we mean by this? How are our relationships damaged and how can we recover from that damage?



Spencer and Megan used these questions to guide our conversation.



* How has alcoholism affected your self-esteem? What were the results?* Share your experience of forming and sustaining close relationships before and during time in the program.* What about relationships we didn’t choose: family of origin/children. * How have those relationships evolved?* Relationships we did choose: dating, friends, jobs?* How have you Isolated?* How have you chosen healthier relationships using Al-Anon tools?* What did/does becoming responsible for yourself look like?







Readings and Links



We read from Paths to Recovery, pp 8-9 and The Dilemma of the Alcoholic Marriage pg. 65.



Becky told us about her son's blog/podcast Sober Steve Recovery.



Ashley recommended a meditation by Sarah Blondin called Your Seed of Softness. She also told us that this meditation and others are available in the Insight Timer meditation app.



Nancy asked about the “Letter from God” that she heard about in an earlier episode. This is available on the Al-Anon blog.



Upcoming topics



A couple of upcoming topics: being gentle with yourself; and using recovery tools as a teacher.



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





First Aid Kit – My Silver Lining




]]> The Recovery Show 368 368 full false 1:41:33 The Gift of Pain – 367 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/the-gift-of-pain-367/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/the-gift-of-pain-367/#comments Fri, 17 Sep 2021 04:47:27 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6656 How is it possible for our pain to become our gain? Andrea’s story illuminates this transformation. Andrea from Adult Child Podcast joins us to talk about how her greatest pain became her greatest gain. When Andrea was several years sober, she realized that recovery had not magically fixed all her problems. She tells us about...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/the-gift-of-pain-367/feed/ 1 How is it possible for our pain to become our gain? Andrea’s story illuminates this transformation. Andrea from Adult Child Podcast joins us to talk about how her greatest pain became her greatest gain. When Andrea was several years sober, How is it possible for our pain to become our gain? Andrea’s story illuminates this transformation.



Andrea from Adult Child Podcast joins us to talk about how her greatest pain became her greatest gain.



When Andrea was several years sober, she realized that recovery had not magically fixed all her problems. She tells us about “the two Brians” — “Two guys that I dated named Brian that were the catalyst to my adult child healing journey. I dated Brian number one at seven years sober. And it was through that relationship that I realized that my dating issues were related to my childhood.”



Only a few weeks later, a woman at a 12-step meeting shared a similar experience and mentioned the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families book. Andrea went home, downloaded it, and devoured it. She says, “I related to it even more than I did in any other recovery literature that I'd ever read. It was like, I was finally reading, all of my thoughts and feelings … written down on paper.” The next time she saw the woman, she went up to her, “and I say that how her share head impacted me and how I had downloaded that book that she had mentioned that I had read it. And I told her a little bit about Brian number one, and these a hot moments that I had had, and she looks at me and she goes, that's wonderful, but I want to let you know that this is going to take years for you to work through. … And I remember looking at her and thinking, years? Years!?”



So she starts working in ACA, and then “Brian number two comes along … what I will tell you is that I hadn't changed a damn bit and the next six months of my life were the most painful times of my life. … I realized that, what I was dealing with was a lot more powerful than what I had assumed and that that lady had been right. That I did have to treat this just as seriously as my alcoholism. That's what I did.”



What is the rest of the story? How did all this pain become her greatest gain? And why did she decide to make a podcast about the Adult Child experience? Listen for all the details.







Readings and Links



There were several books and other resources that were mentioned and read from in this episode. I captured a few of them, below.



First, I have to link to Andrea's podcast Adult Child, where you can hear the full story of the 2 Brians in Episode 1.



The opening reading is from Your Divine Lens: The Secret to Finding Purpose, Healing Grief and Living in Alignment with your Soul (pp. 119-120). Sue Frederick.



Andrea also read from Emotional Sobriety: from relationship trauma to resilience and Balance by Tian Dayton (and enthusiastically recommended anything by this author.)



She suggests that anyone who might possibly think they qualify for ACA read The Laundry List.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is about recovery through writing. Do you use writing as a recovery tool? How does it enhance your program? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.





]]> The Recovery Show 367 367 full false 1:25:56 Honesty – 366 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/honesty-366/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/honesty-366/#respond Mon, 06 Sep 2021 19:38:02 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6651 What does a lack of honesty with ourselves and others look like? What does the program teach us about the importance of honesty to our recovery? Ester and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope on the topic of honesty, roughly following this outline. Honesty before recovery – or was there? How were we dishonest...

The post Honesty – 366 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/09/honesty-366/feed/ 0 What does a lack of honesty with ourselves and others look like? What does the program teach us about the importance of honesty to our recovery? Ester and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope on the topic of honesty, What does a lack of honesty with ourselves and others look like? What does the program teach us about the importance of honesty to our recovery?



Ester and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope on the topic of honesty, roughly following this outline.



* Honesty before recovery – or was there?* How were we dishonest with ourselves and others?* What did we learn from our family of origin?* Honesty in recovery?* How was it modeled in meetings?* Learning to be honest with ourselves through sponsorship and the steps.* Still learning and growing.* The slippery slope of lying by omission.* How to be honest without breaking another's anonymity?







Readings and Links



Ester read from Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships, pp. 47 and 49.



Spencer mentioned the Step 4 chapter in Paths to Recovery, where it talks about why we write out our fourth step inventory. He also referred to the reading on Tradition 8 in the same book.



Richard recommended a reading from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, August 15, about frustration.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is titled “the disease of relationships”. Megan wrote “One of my favorite pages out of our CAL talks about alcoholism is a disease of relationships.” How has this disease shown up in your relationships?



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Aretha Franklin – Honest I Do





Fleetwood Mac – Little Lies





Depeche Mode – Policy of Truth






]]> The Recovery Show 366 366 full false 1:30:22 In All Our Affairs – 365 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/in-all-our-affairs-365/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/in-all-our-affairs-365/#comments Fri, 20 Aug 2021 03:01:04 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6641 Step 12 suggests that we “practice these principles in all our affairs”. What does this mean to you? How do you do it? Definition: principle a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning. The AA 12 principles from the book...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/in-all-our-affairs-365/feed/ 2 Step 12 suggests that we “practice these principles in all our affairs”. What does this mean to you? How do you do it? Definition: principle a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a ch... Step 12 suggests that we “practice these principles in all our affairs”. What does this mean to you? How do you do it?



Definition: principle



* a fundamental truth or proposition that serves as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning.



The AA 12 principles from the book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions



* HONESTY – Fairness and straight forwardness of conduct: adherence to the facts.* HOPE – To expect with desire; something on which hopes are centered.* FAITH – Complete confidence; belief and trust.* COURAGE – Firmness  of  mind  and  will  in  the  face  of  extreme  difficulty;  mental  or  moral  strength  to withstand fear.* INTEGRITY – The quality or state of being complete or undivided; soundness.* WILLINGNESS – Prompt to act or respond; accepted and done of choice or without reluctance.* HUMILITY – Not proud or haughty; not arrogant or assertive; a clear and concise understanding of what we are, followed by a sincere desire to become what we can be.* LOVE – Unselfish concern that freely accepts another in loyalty and seeks his good to hold dear.* DISCIPLINE – Training that corrects, molds, or perfects the mental faculties or moral character; to bring under control; to train or develop by instruction.* PATIENCE/PERSEVERANCE – Steadfast despite opposition or adversity; able or willing to bear; to persist in an understanding in spite of counter influences.* AWARENESS – Alive and alert; vigilance in observing.* SERVICE – A  helpful  act;  contribution  to  the  welfare  of  others;  useful  labor  that  does  not  produce  a tangible commodity.



* What do you consider to be “these principles”?* Why is it important to practice them “in all your affairs”?* What does the word “practice” say to you?* How have your life and your relationships been changed by practicing this step?* What tools help you to practice these principles?* How to carry them “out of the rooms and into traffic.”* How have you used Al-Anon recovery principles in your life, and how were your actions, feelings, and reactions different?







Readings and Links



We read from How Al-Anon Works Step 12 discussion in Chapter 8.



The reading referred to the book In All Our Affairs.



Elizabeth read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, November 4 (p. 309).



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is honesty. what does a lack of honesty with ourselves and others look like and what does the program teach us about the importance of honesty to our recovery?



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





The Avett Brothers – No Hard Feelings





Indigo Girls – Hammer and a Nail





FC Kanuna – Hayling






]]> The Recovery Show 365 365 full false 1:23:32 Fear of Abandonment – 364 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/fear-of-abandonment-364/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/fear-of-abandonment-364/#comments Sat, 07 Aug 2021 17:40:32 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6627 Do you fear being abandoned? How has it driven your life? How can recovery free you from this fear? Shannon says, I wanted to speak about the topic of Fear of Abandonment because (due to my childhood trauma) it’s a fear that I have struggled against my entire life and recently in 2020 was forced...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/08/fear-of-abandonment-364/feed/ 3 Do you fear being abandoned? How has it driven your life? How can recovery free you from this fear? Shannon says, I wanted to speak about the topic of Fear of Abandonment because (due to my childhood trauma) it’s a fear that I have struggled against my... Do you fear being abandoned? How has it driven your life? How can recovery free you from this fear?



Shannon says, I wanted to speak about the topic of Fear of Abandonment because (due to my childhood trauma) it’s a fear that I have struggled against my entire life and recently in 2020 was forced to face against my will. I wondered about others who have struggled in the same way and perhaps may find something in my story that might be helpful to their recovery.



She grew up with an alcoholic father and a mother with mental health problems. When her father got angry, he would say he was leaving, get in his car, and drive away down their long driveway. “Several times I would be so terrified of the thought of him leaving and never coming back that I would run down the driveway after him. I remember seeing him notice me in his rearview mirror crying hysterically and yelling for him to come back. And he would always turn around and come back and tell my mother he only came back because of me.”



Shannon was 7 when her grandfather died. Her mother reacted by retreating into depression and essentially emotionally abandoning her family. She says, “My father became my HP and protector and I lived to make him love me and be proud of me. He later (when I was around 18) got sober and never drank again and we had a very close and codependent relationship.”



As an adult, she says, “I went from one bad relationship to the next, seeking out emotionally unavailable people who were incapable of loving and being responsible for themselves (some were alcoholics, some weren’t) who were most likely to abandon me as I, unknowingly at the time, tried to recreate the abandonment of my mother and threats of abandonment by my father.”



In 2010, her father died shortly after being diagnosed with cancer. “I remember the morning he died like it was yesterday and watching the light go out in his eyes while I became that little girl in the driveway again, only this time he was never coming back. Without my ‘Higher Power’ and no recovery program my fear of abandonment was off the charts. My inner child went into hiding and I was running on the high of fear ever since, never even thinking to stop and look back.”



She divorced in 2016, after realizing how toxic her relationship with her first husband was. Then she met the man who became her second husband, who was an alcoholic in recovery. He introduced her to Al-Anon and ACA, where she got sponsors and started working the steps in both programs.



In doing her inventory she discovered how the fear of abandonment was at the root of many of her shortcomings. She says “the 3 I’s helped me: Inventory, Identity, Integrity”.



“I found the more I worked at my inventories, the more I formed my own identity and began to see who I really was, instead of who my father or relationship partners wanted or needed me to be. This was actually a very long process …, but I can see my progress every day now and because I now have a better sense of who I am (identity), I have a much easier time setting and enforcing clear boundaries (integrity). Until I had my own identity, boundaries were impossible to set, much less enforce. This has been a huge change for me and my recovery.”



We talked about recovery tools she uses, including



* A God Box.* Learning that happiness can be a choice, and that she has choices.* “No” is a complete sentence



She concludes, “Now that I have faced my past, learnt what I can from it, I feel it’s time to let it go and move forward. After a very long and painful journey, today I choose happy.”


]]> The Recovery Show 364 364 full false 1:54:29 Finding Compassion for the Alcoholic – 363 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/finding-compassion-for-the-alcoholic-363/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/finding-compassion-for-the-alcoholic-363/#respond Sat, 17 Jul 2021 13:35:58 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6622 How did I find compassion for the actively drinking alcoholic in my life? At first, I had no compassion. I had anger, frustration, and frustration, instead. Why would I want to find compassion? The two big reasons were, for me and for her. For me—I could start to release my anger, resentment, and frustration, or...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/finding-compassion-for-the-alcoholic-363/feed/ 0 How did I find compassion for the actively drinking alcoholic in my life? At first, I had no compassion. I had anger, frustration, and frustration, instead. Why would I want to find compassion? The two big reasons were, for me and for her. How did I find compassion for the actively drinking alcoholic in my life?



At first, I had no compassion. I had anger, frustration, and frustration, instead.



Why would I want to find compassion? The two big reasons were, for me and for her.



For me—I could start to release my anger, resentment, and frustration, or at least move it off of my loved one.



For her—I could stop blaming her and start supporting her (as Tradition 5 says, “by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives.”)



How I got there



I learned about the disease of alcoholism. A residential treatment facility offered weekly lectures about alcoholism as part of their “friends and family day”. There I became intellectually convinced that alcoholism was a disease of mind, body, and spirit. I learned that my loved one did not choose to be alcoholic, and that the disease affected not only her body, but also her thinking and behavior.



I attended many “open talks,” at which an AA member would tell “what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now.” For me, these gave me two things:



* An insight into the experience of the disease “from the inside,” and from people with whom I had no pre-existing anger, resentment, and frustration. I could hear their experience with an open mind, and then start to see the parallels with my loved one's experience.* Hope. Here were many people who had descended into the depths of despair and sickness. Some went deeper and some less deep, but they had all found their way to recovery. This gave me hope that my loved one would also find recovery some day.



As I learned and listened, I found an image that was my first step towards compassion. I visualized her as the passenger in a car driven by her disease. It was driving recklessly and crazily. She was trapped in the car, sitting in the passenger seat, screaming in terror.



OK, I have compassion. Now what?



What other principles and tools did I learn that worked along with the compassion to enable me to continue to live in the chaos of active alcoholism? I'll mention just a few of the most important.



First, the “3 C's”. That I didn't cause her alcoholism, that I couldn't cure it, and that I could not even control it. When I first heard these words, I felt a weight come off of me that I hadn't realized I was carrying. Those words encouraged me to come to my first Al-Anon meeting that same night. Much of my frustration and anger stemmed from the idea that it was my job to control or cure her drinking. I now had permission to stop that fight.



Next, detachment. Specifically, detachment with love. That bizarre concept that I can let go of my attachment to her behavior but stay connected to her, and I can start to learn where the boundary is between me and the rest of the world. That I can detach her from her disease, love the one and hate the other. That I can realize that the behavior I hate is part of the disease and not part of her. This helps me to let the anger, resentment, and frustration flow out of me.



And last, but certainly not least, is the Serenity Prayer. Where I ask for help to accept the things I cannot change (mostly other people and their behavior), change the things I can change (mostly just myself), and, perhaps most importantly, the wisdom to know the difference. Because I can not do this by myself.



These tools, meetings, our literature, program friends, my sponsor, and the compassion they helped me to find meant that I was present when my loved one said “I don't want to drink today.]]> The Recovery Show 363 363 full false 47:50 Avoidance (running away from scary feelings) – 362 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/avoidance-running-away-from-scary-feelings-362/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/avoidance-running-away-from-scary-feelings-362/#comments Thu, 01 Jul 2021 12:38:44 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6617 Do you find yourself avoiding scary feelings? Are you running away from things you don’t want to face? How are you facing your fears instead? Definitions We start our conversation with Kathy and Sabah with a couple of definitions, recognizing that pausing is healthy, while avoiding is usually not. Pause: interrupt action or speech briefly. –...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/07/avoidance-running-away-from-scary-feelings-362/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself avoiding scary feelings? Are you running away from things you don’t want to face? How are you facing your fears instead? Definitions We start our conversation with Kathy and Sabah with a couple of definitions, Do you find yourself avoiding scary feelings? Are you running away from things you don’t want to face? How are you facing your fears instead?



Definitions



We start our conversation with Kathy and Sabah with a couple of definitions, recognizing that pausing is healthy, while avoiding is usually not.



Pause: interrupt action or speech briefly. – from GoogleA pause is a short period when you stop doing something before continuing. – from Collins English Dictionarysynonyms: Stop, Cease, Halt , Discontinue



Avoidance: an act or practice of avoiding or withdrawing from something – from Merriam Webster Dictionarysynonyms: dodge, retreat, flight, escape, sidestep



Quotes



And also a couple of quotes.



A ‘No' uttered from the deepest conviction is better than a ‘Yes' merely uttered to please, or worse, to avoid trouble. – Mahatma Gandhi



When I was younger, I was terrified to express anger because it would often kick-start a horrible reaction in the men in my life. So I bit my tongue. I was left to painstakingly deal with the aftermath of my avoidance later in life, in therapy or through the lyrics of my songs. – Alanis Morissette



Avoidance Coping



We talked briefly about an article titled “Avoidance Coping and Why It Creates Additional Stress“, which included some tips on “How to avoid avoidance coping.”



What is avoidance coping? Briefly, it is “trying to avoid stressors rather than dealing with them.” But often, this just causes more stress.



How can you stop avoiding and instead actively cope with stressful situations? Some of the recommended steps may sound familiar. The article has a longer list with more details, of course.



* Recognize when you are doing it (i.e. Step 4).* Take small steps (for me, this is often what happens in Steps 6 & 7)* Identify other options, find new ways to relieve stress, and practice them (ditto plus at least Step 11).



How did we run away?



Kathy described the “back story” of this topic, which included not avoiding discomfort while recording our earlier episode (356 – Domestic Violence and Other Unacceptable Behavior).



When do we (or did we) avoid scary feelings, and how? Kathy says that she packs away her feelings, “… those things are not something that's healthy for me to dig in. Like it's better to just move on and focus on other things.” The idea of dealing with them later is something I can identify with, for sure. But, does “later” ever come? Spencer relates an occasion when “later” was forced by a deadline, and he discovered that what he had been fearing was not real. He could have avoided months of anxiety by just dealing with it earlier.



What tools do we have?



A tool that helps us to “unpack” these feelings that have been packed away is the 4th Step inventory. We can dig deep in our “searching and fearless” inventory with the help of our sponsor or step group. Asking for relief of shortcomings (such as procrastination) in Steps 6 and 7 helps us to be able to stay with our feelings in the moment, instead of running away. Sabah says “emotion doesn't control me anymore. I [can] say that I own my emotions.”



Slogans such as “take it easy”, “first things first”, “just for today,]]> The Recovery Show 362 362 full false 1:46:28 Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion – 361 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/06/sympathy-empathy-and-compassion-361/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/06/sympathy-empathy-and-compassion-361/#respond Thu, 17 Jun 2021 02:52:51 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6610 Tradition 5 tells us that part of our recovery is in finding compassion for our alcoholic friends and relatives. What is compassion, and how is it different from sympathy or empathy? Definitions (from Chopra.com) To feel sympathy, it means you are able to understand what the person is feeling.  Empathy is viscerally feeling what another...

The post Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion – 361 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/06/sympathy-empathy-and-compassion-361/feed/ 0 Tradition 5 tells us that part of our recovery is in finding compassion for our alcoholic friends and relatives. What is compassion, and how is it different from sympathy or empathy? Definitions (from Chopra.com) To feel sympathy, Tradition 5 tells us that part of our recovery is in finding compassion for our alcoholic friends and relatives. What is compassion, and how is it different from sympathy or empathy?



* Definitions (from Chopra.com)* To feel sympathy, it means you are able to understand what the person is feeling. * Empathy is viscerally feeling what another feels. * When you are compassionate, you feel the pain of another (i.e., empathy) or you recognize that the person is in pain (i.e., sympathy), and then you do your best to alleviate the person’s suffering from that situation.* From dictionaries* Sympathy: feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune.* Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.* Compassion: sympathetic consciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it* But what does it mean in recovery?* Tradition 5: … by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives,* How? How did I go from anger and resentment to understanding and compassion?* What does our literature say? From How Al-Anon Works* Slogans serve as gentle, calming reminders that our circumstances might not be as impossible or as desperate as they at first appear. These concise expressions of wisdom offer quick reassurance that we really are able to cope with whatever life brings, prompting us to take constructive action and to treat ourselves and others with compassion and respect.* Few of us realize that the alcoholics in our lives often suffer terribly, sometimes even more than we do. By listening, we can learn to distinguish the person from the disease, to have compassion for their efforts and their pain, and to recognize that they, too, are powerless over alcohol.. * Courage to Change Jan 5: I was terribly confused about the meaning of “compassion” when I came to Al-Anon. I thought it meant making excuses for the alcoholic or covering bad checks.







Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, Feb 11 and Jan 5. Also How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 9 (slogans), and Chapter 6 (The Family Disease of Alcoholism).



We discussed definitions of sympathy, empathy, and compassion from chopra.com.



An article from Psychology Today Compassion is Better than Empathy informed part of our conversation.



Contributing



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





The Band – The Weight





The Weight | Featuring Ringo Starr and Robbie Robertson | Playing For Change | Song Around The World





Alanis Morissette – Hand In My Pocket




]]> The Recovery Show 361 361 full false 1:16:36 Music in Recovery – 360 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/music-in-recovery-360/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/music-in-recovery-360/#comments Sun, 30 May 2021 16:38:54 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6603 How has music supported you in recovery? What inspiration do you find there? Are there certain songs that have become the soundtrack of your life? Sonia Lee is a singer and song writer in recovery. We talked about her recovery journey and her recovery songs. Sonia's recovery started when she realized she was alcoholic. But,...

The post Music in Recovery – 360 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/music-in-recovery-360/feed/ 1 How has music supported you in recovery? What inspiration do you find there? Are there certain songs that have become the soundtrack of your life? Sonia Lee is a singer and song writer in recovery. We talked about her recovery journey and her recovery ... How has music supported you in recovery? What inspiration do you find there? Are there certain songs that have become the soundtrack of your life?



Sonia Lee is a singer and song writer in recovery. We talked about her recovery journey and her recovery songs.



Sonia's recovery started when she realized she was alcoholic. But, after some years in recovery, some things just still weren't right. She tells of going to a combined AA and Al-Anon women's retreat. She talked to an Al-Anon speaker, saying that she thought maybe she should go to Al-Anon, but wasn't sure it was ok, being an alcoholic. And the Al-Anon member said “Honey, if you scratch an alcoholic, you'll probably find an Al-Anon.”



Sonia has always felt a need to control others, from when she was young, which she illuminates with a humorous incident from her childhood. She says, with a smile, “I get along really well with people when things are on my terms.”



In her family, there was some relapse happening. So, she started going to Al-Anon. But, this is what it sounded like then: “Hi, I'm Sonya, I'm an alcoholic, but I've been told that I should go to Alanon.” That didn't work so well, it turns out, “because right off the bat I came in and I was different in my own head. … not surprisingly the Alanon program didn't really work for me because I wasn't doing it, wasn't living it. I didn't even really understand what it was all about.” So, she stopped going to Al-Anon meetings.



Years later, the relapses were getting worse. “I started dabbling again in Alanon because I didn't know what to do with my feelings. I was so angry and I couldn't understand why if I was able to get sober, why my husband was struggling.” At another conference, an Al-Anon speaker said to her, “I want to suggest that you come to Al-Anon as an Al-Anon and not say that you're an alcoholic and … get a pure Al-Anon sponsor.” That's what she did, “I looked for the person who was taking notes, I looked for the woman who was sharing, who was serious about her recovery. I asked her to be my sponsor.” She's been working her Al-Anon program ever since then.



We talked about her song “Butterfly.” On the surface, it's a song about a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis. But it's also a song about recovery. The opening lines, “Come on out into the light. At first nothing will seem right.” certainly capture my early experience in the program. Sonia wrote this while she was singing as part of an event at a treatment facility. She says, “it just came out.” The song celebrates recovery, “In the bridge. It says ‘fly high. I will sing with abandon’ and for some reason, I love the word abandon. … I will sing with abandon, because for me personally, I was a singer, in my drinking days. And I didn't know when I got sober, if I could keep singing.”



Sonia's song “God Shaped Hole (in My Heart)” was inspired by a woman who said “I had been putting all these things buying things, having relationships eating, food, alcohol, all these things. I was trying to make, to fill me up. And what I didn't realize and why that didn't work was because it was a God shaped hole in my heart.”



The third song that we talked about is “Running from the Fire”, which was inspired by a speaker, who said “I don't know about you guys. I didn't come here walking towards the light. I came here running from the fire.” Sonia continues, “I didn't come to Al-Anon because things were going great. I came because my son looked at me and was wondering how he could make help make mommy happy.”



Readings and Links

]]> The Recovery Show 360 360 full false 1:42:24 The Effects of Recovery – 359 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/the-effects-of-recovery-359/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/the-effects-of-recovery-359/#respond Tue, 18 May 2021 07:03:23 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6589 How have you experienced the effects of alcoholism or addiction transforming into the effects of recovery? Colleen suggested this topic, writing “we often hear about the effects of this disease, but I've never heard the phrase, the effects of recovery. It has really made me reflect, as I have found over the past couple of...

The post The Effects of Recovery – 359 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/the-effects-of-recovery-359/feed/ 0 How have you experienced the effects of alcoholism or addiction transforming into the effects of recovery? Colleen suggested this topic, writing “we often hear about the effects of this disease, but I've never heard the phrase, How have you experienced the effects of alcoholism or addiction transforming into the effects of recovery?



Colleen suggested this topic, writing “we often hear about the effects of this disease, but I've never heard the phrase, the effects of recovery. It has really made me reflect, as I have found over the past couple of months, my recovery has really changed the way I feel internally. I've heard that this disease has physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental. I have been reflecting that the effects of recovery are also physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental.”



She joined Spencer for a conversation about the effects of recovery. We looked at some of the effects that our loved ones' alcoholism had on us, and what effects of recovery we now have in their place. Colleen spoke of going from obsession to clearer thinking, from anxiety to feeling calm, from anger to acceptance, and from denial to awareness, acceptance and then action.



Colleen had recently moved house, and we explored packing and moving as a metaphor for some of the Steps. During the process of moving, you take inventory of what you have, probably finding things you had forgotten you even owned. Then you decide, probably with the help of others, what to keep and what to get rid of. Which is exactly Steps 4 through 6, isn't it?



As she dug into, literally, some stuff from her childhood, she realized that there was trauma there that she hadn't dealt with. Around that time, she found herself listening to episode 203, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and realized that she could find help there. After many years in Al-Anon, she now finds herself a newcomer in ACA, because of the clarity she gained as an effect of her Al-Anon recovery.



Al-Anon gave her compassion and understanding for her mother, and she was able to mend that relationship and be with her mother at the end of her life. She has also grown close to her father, and she has clear boundaries on their interactions to protect her own serenity.



She would like to go back and tell her scared and lonely younger self how much Al-Anon would help and how much she would gain.







Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, April 6; and How Al-Anon Works, pp 88-89, “Our mental and emotional health” (Chapter 12, Taking Care of Ourselves).



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is “it is ok to love an alcoholic”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





James – Sit Down





The Greatest Showman Cast – This Is Me





Bonnie Tyler – Total Eclipse of the Heart






]]> The Recovery Show 359 359 full false 1:07:30 Al-Anon after Divorce – 358 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/al-anon-after-divorce-358/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/al-anon-after-divorce-358/#comments Wed, 12 May 2021 04:21:20 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6582 What is it like to keep working your recovery program after divorcing? Pat joined Spencer to talk about her experience. She fully recognizes that both she and her ex-husband contributed to the factors leading to their divorce. She says that she “did not want my relationship to be the example to my children of what...

The post Al-Anon after Divorce – 358 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/al-anon-after-divorce-358/feed/ 1 What is it like to keep working your recovery program after divorcing? Pat joined Spencer to talk about her experience. She fully recognizes that both she and her ex-husband contributed to the factors leading to their divorce. What is it like to keep working your recovery program after divorcing?



Pat joined Spencer to talk about her experience.



She fully recognizes that both she and her ex-husband contributed to the factors leading to their divorce. She says that she “did not want my relationship to be the example to my children of what a relationship should be.” When they separated, she was fully confident that they would eventually re-unite. That didn't happen.



When they first split, she had been in Al-Anon about 6 months. This is what it looked like:



* Initially, she tried to work through it* Their son refused to stay in the same room with his father, when they tried to have family meals* When her husband said that he should get the house, she shocked herself by saying “OK, I'll get an apartment for me and our son.” She says “This is Alanon all over the place. That never would have happened before.”* After about 6 months, she realized how much happier she was.* Some Al-Anon principles that helped during this time and afterwards include compassion, detachment with love, self care, choosing how much and when to trust, and dealing with drunk calls/dry drunk behavior.* It was a real struggle, while still young in Al-Anon and learning the tools and principles



Even though the relationship “ended”, only of course it didn't, there are so many aspects to a relationship that need to be addressed and are ongoing despite a divorce.



Pat used her program learning to accept her children's different choices that they made about how they would be in relationship with their father (both were adults at this point.) One chose to cut off contact, the other let his father move in for a time, saying “I don't think in this country, we support our elderly enough. I think it's important to take care of our elderly.”



She did quickly “dive into” a new relationship with the person who is now her husband. She says that it is “Absolutely essential to use Al-Anon … to have a healthy relationship.” That includes “to continue very actively going to meetings, to work in my program, to have a sponsor, to work the steps, traditions and concepts,”



Pat's ex-husband did die of his disease. With the support of Al-Anon, she was able to be with him, to love him, as he was dying. “Two years after his death, I had a sense of incompleteness. I had to do a step four around my relationship with him – eventually I had to remember that while I contributed to the problem of our marriage, I didn’t cause his drinking and I had good reasons to leave. It was okay that I did.”







Readings and Links



Pat read from the book Opening Our Hearts, Transforming our Losses: pages 81-83 on divorce; 83-34 on relationship with our adult children; and 97-101 on death of a loved one.



Spencer mentioned two articles from the New York Times, one on languishing, and one on flourishing.



Contribute your voice



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





]]> The Recovery Show 358 358 full false 1:20:37 CODA saved her life – Geraldine – 357 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/coda-saved-her-life-geraldine-357/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/coda-saved-her-life-geraldine-357/#respond Sat, 01 May 2021 15:05:28 +0000 https://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6577 Can CODA help when you grow up in dysfunction, and then love a controlling, gaslighting partner as an adult? As a child, Geraldine lived in fear of her mother's anger, which often resulted in beatings. She became her siblings' protector, and felt that it was her job to soothe her mother's moods, and to take...

The post CODA saved her life – Geraldine – 357 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/05/coda-saved-her-life-geraldine-357/feed/ 0 Can CODA help when you grow up in dysfunction, and then love a controlling, gaslighting partner as an adult? As a child, Geraldine lived in fear of her mother's anger, which often resulted in beatings. She became her siblings' protector, Can CODA help when you grow up in dysfunction, and then love a controlling, gaslighting partner as an adult?



As a child, Geraldine lived in fear of her mother's anger, which often resulted in beatings. She became her siblings' protector, and felt that it was her job to soothe her mother's moods, and to take care of her mother. At school she was shy and withdrawn. She just couldn't comprehend what the teachers were saying, so she did not do well.



As her GSCE exams were approaching, “one day, it was like a thought came into my head and said, ‘If you don't do this, you're proving everybody correct.’” She says, “Even to this day, I don't know how this has happened. This is somebody who hadn't bothered doing any work. [I] deemed [it] as being completely useless. I just started to work. I thought, I'm going to do this.” And she did, gaining the highest mark in 5 out of 7 exams.



With that, she could to go on to college (for those of us in the US, this would be similar to a 2-year technical college, as opposed to “university”). She says, “That was transformational for me, not academically but personally. I went from this really introverted, severely introverted and very depressed, teenager to this extroverted young woman who made friends.”



With the help of her higher power, she made it into university, where she discovered her profession, which she loves. But then “I crashed around when I was 30. I hit a rock bottom. I think probably, I was on the verge of a breakdown. My life had changed. I think … the job that I did was almost forcing me to meet myself, the bit of me that I'd suppressed.



“I ended up in therapy for 10 years seeing this therapist three times a week. I was in a bad way. It was all those things that I thought were normal, being beaten, being depressed, suicidal. I remember even saying to my then partner, ‘my mom used to beat me, but it never did me any harm.’ I really believed that until the bubble was burst. The pain that I felt, the suffering that I felt was so awful and realized that actually, that wasn't the way life was meant to be.”



She left the man she had been with for a decade. “He wasn't a bad bloke, but I surrendered so much to him. And I realized that what I'd done was I'd literally gone from home to him.



“So he was the other controlling person. I felt I had to find myself and I couldn't do it within the confines of that. Relationship and I had to leave him.”



She began to forge an independent life. Then, “this guy walked into my life and and I thought, ‘I've met my other half, my soulmate.’ I never thought that I was going to meet somebody at this stage of my life. I fell completely hook, line and sinker in a way.”



But it wasn't all wonderful. “I sensed that something was terribly wrong with the relationship that I was in.” Of course, she thought it must be her fault. “But as time went by, I thought there's something else that's going on here. … I felt like I was losing myself inside this relationship. And I was terrified. I guess I was so enmeshed with my mom, I started to become enmeshed with him, but he was a really sick man who was deliberately manipulating me to become enmeshed so that I would lose myself completely.”



Luckily, she had come to Codependents Anonymous (CODA). Her brother was in Cocaine Anonymous (CA), and she loved going with him to his meetings. She loved the 12 steps. She once said, somewhat jokingly, “maybe I've got to become a coke addict and I can join.” Her brother responded, “that's not a good idea, Geraldine, but why don't you go to CODA?”



In CODA she started to really find herself, and also found support in another member who had been i...]]> The Recovery Show 357 357 full false 1:26:02 Domestic Violence and Other Unacceptable Behavior – 356 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/domestic-violence-and-other-unacceptable-behavior-356/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/domestic-violence-and-other-unacceptable-behavior-356/#comments Sat, 24 Apr 2021 16:00:23 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6567 If Acceptance is the key to serenity, what do you do about unacceptable behavior and domestic violence? Kathy H joined the Recovery Show to talk about her experience with domestic violence, and the strength and hope she has found in recovery. We started with some definitions for unacceptable behavior and domestic violence. Definitions Definition of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/domestic-violence-and-other-unacceptable-behavior-356/feed/ 3 If Acceptance is the key to serenity, what do you do about unacceptable behavior and domestic violence? Kathy H joined the Recovery Show to talk about her experience with domestic violence, and the strength and hope she has found in recovery. If Acceptance is the key to serenity, what do you do about unacceptable behavior and domestic violence?



Kathy H joined the Recovery Show to talk about her experience with domestic violence, and the strength and hope she has found in recovery.



We started with some definitions for unacceptable behavior and domestic violence.



Definitions



Definition of Unacceptable Behavior



* any conduct that is unreasonable, regardless of the level of stress, frustration or anger experienced, because it compromises health, safety or security* From Law Insider* Unacceptable – too bad to be accepted, approved of, or allowed to continue* From Cambridge Dictionary 



Definition of Domestic Violence



Does that only start when a spouse physically hurts another spouse?  The answer is no – domestic violence starts much sooner than physical violence.  



Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of behaviors used by one partner to maintain power and control over another partner in an intimate relationship.



It includes behaviors that physically harm, intimidate, manipulate or control a partner, or otherwise force them to behave in ways they don’t want to, including through physical violence, threats, emotional abuse, or financial control.



Multiple forms of abuse are usually present at the same time in abusive situations, and it’s essential to understand how these behaviors interact so you know what to look for (National Domestic Violence Hotline).



Some examples of abuse that are part of domestic violence include:



* Physically hurting you, children or pets* Reckless driving* Abandoning you in unfamiliar places* Trying to isolate you from family and friends* Financial control* Humiliating comments* Damaging belongings, throwing things, punching walls, kicking doors* Threats of violence* Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; trivializing your needs or feelings; or denying previous statements or promises.* Verbal abuse 



So many of these items sound and feel small taken just one at a time.  They are so easy to trivialize, minimize, and overlook.  Taken together they slowly, over time, cause a person to question their own feelings, instincts, and sanity, which gives the abusive partner a lot of power.



Our conversation



Kathy's experience is perhaps too neatly summarized here: “I experienced many types of gaslighting starting very early on in our marriage, attempted control of my friends, financial control, reckless driving, abandoning me and my child in unfamiliar places, and mean comments for 13 years before I finally saw through the denial and confusion. But I will say that in between those low points, there were very good times where my husband was great. Every time I would think “FINALLY! He has realized that what he was doing was wrong for so many reasons. And then at some point it would all pick back up again. It’s all a cycle which makes it all that much more confusing.”



What did living with domestic violence feel like? “Living with domestic violence was like living in a circus fun house of weird mirrors.]]> The Recovery Show 356 356 full false 1:36:02 A Son’s Addiction – 355 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/a-sons-addiction-355/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/a-sons-addiction-355/#comments Wed, 14 Apr 2021 04:53:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6563 How can recognizing powerlessness over a child’s addiction make it easier to detach and not enable them? Jacob joins us to tell his story and how he stopped trying fruitlessly to fix his son's addiction. He picked a couple of readings from ODAT — Jan 29 and Feb 11, saying that they have been and...

The post A Son’s Addiction – 355 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/a-sons-addiction-355/feed/ 5 How can recognizing powerlessness over a child’s addiction make it easier to detach and not enable them? Jacob joins us to tell his story and how he stopped trying fruitlessly to fix his son's addiction. He picked a couple of readings from ODAT — Jan 2... How can recognizing powerlessness over a child’s addiction make it easier to detach and not enable them?



Jacob joins us to tell his story and how he stopped trying fruitlessly to fix his son's addiction.



He picked a couple of readings from ODAT — Jan 29 and Feb 11, saying that they have been and are important in his ongoing recovery.



As I read Jan 29, it is about (not) enabling our addicted loved ones.  How has this reading spoken to you? How have you followed its suggestions? What benefits have you gained?



I see Feb 11 as speaking about powerlessness over our loved one’s addiction. How has this reading spoken to you? How has your behavior changed as a result?How have you gained by recognizing your powerlessness and the unmanageability of trying to exert control?







Readings and Links



We read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Jan 29 and Feb 11.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is The Effects of Recovery. What effects have you experienced in recovery? How do these contrast with the effects that alcoholism or addiction had on you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Disturbed – Down with the Sickness





Tool – Right In Two





Tool – The Pot






]]> The Recovery Show 355 355 full false 1:09:46 Making Decisions – 354 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/making-decisions-354/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/making-decisions-354/#comments Fri, 09 Apr 2021 02:34:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6554 Do you have trouble making decisions? What have you learned in recovery helps you make decisions? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share about indecision and making decisions. Our conversation was guided by these questions. Definition:  a choice that you make about something after thinking about several possibilities the ability to decide quickly and without...

The post Making Decisions – 354 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/04/making-decisions-354/feed/ 1 Do you have trouble making decisions? What have you learned in recovery helps you make decisions? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share about indecision and making decisions. Our conversation was guided by these questions. Do you have trouble making decisions? What have you learned in recovery helps you make decisions?



Eric, Spencer, and several of you share about indecision and making decisions. Our conversation was guided by these questions.



* Definition: * a choice that you make about something after thinking about several possibilities* the ability to decide quickly and without pausing because you are not certain:* She acted with decision, closing the bank account and calling the police.* something you choose; a choice* If the enemy of serenity is indecision and hurry, why then is it suggested to “Don’t just do something. Sit there”?  huuhh??* There seems to be a contradiction for me between indecision, in its negative connotation, and a taking a healthy pause before making a decision.  How do you understand this?* Are you ok with asking for help?  Guidance?  “Suggestions”  Who do you turn to when in doubt about a making a decision?* How do I apply the acronyms; W.A.I.T., T.H.I.N.K., STOP, J.A.D.E. and exercise the Al-Anon pause without feeling anxious and indecisive?* Why Am I Talking?* is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?* Stop, Take, Observe, Proceed. (https://www.mindful.org/stressing-out-stop/)*  (don’t) Justify, Argue, Defend, or Explain* Can you embrace the notion “When in doubt, don’t”?* How do you feel about the phrase “I don’t have to win anything today”?* Are you ok with the answer “I don’t know”? when feeling confronted or forced to make a decision?  “NO,” as a complete sentence?* Is not making a decision, a sometimes healthy decision in and of itself?* Can I sit in the A of Acceptance (from the three A’s) as long and until I feel good about my decision? How do you “get there”?* Do you believe that “Urgent things are seldom important and important things are seldom urgent”?* Is the rocking chair ok to use sometimes to wait for guidance?  Going back and forth and getting nowhere?  Can I sit with this and actually allow myself to enjoy it sometimes



Readings and Links



We read from How Al-Anon Works, p. 69 (soft cover) (Just for Today slogan), p. 104 (Chapter 16, 12 Traditions), p. 50 (Chapter 8, Step 3).



We discussed The Eisenhower Decision Matrix: How to Distinguish Between Urgent and Important Tasks and Make Real Progress in Your Life (Art of Manliness) 



Jess wrote about a grief meeting on InTheRooms, Thursdays at 9am Pacific, 12pm Eastern. She sent a link about the therapist who leads that meeting, and an article Ambiguous Grief During the Covid Pandemic.



A listener recommended the book You Can't Make Me Angry by Dr. Paul O.



Marilyn told us about the Al-Anon group, Any Faith or None AFG, in Lawrence, KS. For information, email any.faith.or.none.lks@gmail.com. She says, We study the principles and tools of the program from a secular perspective.  Anyone is welcome.



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is the effects of recovery. How are the effects of alcoholism or addiction countered by the effects of recovery? What have you gotten from working a recovery program? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email  354 354 full false 1:18:36 Voices – 353 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/voices-353/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/voices-353/#respond Mon, 29 Mar 2021 00:33:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6549 What is on your mind? This episode is built from your voices, sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Sharing your dilemmas and questions. Readings and Links Some of you sent suggestions of books or other resources. Many Voices, One Journey Al-Anon's story of growth and recovery as experienced by individual members and the fellowship as...

The post Voices – 353 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/voices-353/feed/ 0 What is on your mind? This episode is built from your voices, sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Sharing your dilemmas and questions. Readings and Links Some of you sent suggestions of books or other resources. Many Voices, What is on your mind?



This episode is built from your voices, sharing your experience, strength, and hope. Sharing your dilemmas and questions.







Readings and Links



Some of you sent suggestions of books or other resources.



Many Voices, One Journey Al-Anon's story of growth and recovery as experienced by individual members and the fellowship as a whole over Al-Anon’s first 60 years.



The Grief Club by Melody Beattie was recommended by Craig, who says it is “a powerful book on grief and grieving.”



Gina wrote, I first learned about my inner child with a Reparenting workshop from an ACA zoom conference last year. There is a great recording of the workshop you can download online for a couple bucks. I highly recommend it!



She also suggested a reparenting check-in worksheet and handout available on the ACAWSO.org website.



Finally, she mentioned Bill Wilson's writing on emotional sobriety.



Upcoming topics



You can contribute to our conversation. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





New Christy Minstrels – Today




]]> The Recovery Show 353 353 full false 1:45:53 Inner Child – 352 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/inner-child-352/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/inner-child-352/#respond Tue, 09 Mar 2021 01:36:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6543 How is your Inner Child? What can you do to heal its hurts and help it grow? Becky joined Spencer to talk about how she has come to know and heal her inner child. Our conversation was guided by these questions. I’m not really familiar with inner child work, can you tell me briefly what...

The post Inner Child – 352 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/03/inner-child-352/feed/ 0 How is your Inner Child? What can you do to heal its hurts and help it grow? Becky joined Spencer to talk about how she has come to know and heal her inner child. Our conversation was guided by these questions. How is your Inner Child? What can you do to heal its hurts and help it grow?



Becky joined Spencer to talk about how she has come to know and heal her inner child. Our conversation was guided by these questions.



* I’m not really familiar with inner child work, can you tell me briefly what it means for you?* Please share some of your story, so we can understand where you started.* What happened to bring you into recovery?* Tell us about your recovery journey.* How has working with your inner child helped you?* What tools have you learned and developed?* How have you integrated this work into your life?



Becky says that she is “perfectly imperfect”, and she tries to remind herself of that every day.







Readings and Links



The reading we opened with can be found in an essay by Brené Brown, titled “The Midlife Unraveling“.



Eric sent us a notice about the Connecticut State Al-Anon Convention, March 19-20, 2021.



Talk to us



Please leave a voicemail at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Mary Lambert – Secrets




https://youtu.be/EWgUmtksj20
Tom Odell – Heal




]]> The Recovery Show 352 352 full false 1:22:57 Feeling my feelings – 351 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/feeling-my-feelings-351/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/feeling-my-feelings-351/#comments Mon, 15 Feb 2021 02:42:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6538 How are my recovery tools helping me to live with grief and loss? How am I feeling my feelings today? My father died a few days ago. I am grieving his loss. Because of my work in recovery, I can feel my feelings. I don't have to deny them, and stuff them. What a gift!

The post Feeling my feelings – 351 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/feeling-my-feelings-351/feed/ 1 How are my recovery tools helping me to live with grief and loss? How am I feeling my feelings today? My father died a few days ago. I am grieving his loss. Because of my work in recovery, I can feel my feelings. I don't have to deny them, How are my recovery tools helping me to live with grief and loss? How am I feeling my feelings today?



My father died a few days ago. I am grieving his loss. Because of my work in recovery, I can feel my feelings. I don't have to deny them, and stuff them. What a gift!




]]> The Recovery Show 351 351 full false 5:57 My Life was Unmanageable – 350 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/my-life-was-unmanageable-350/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/my-life-was-unmanageable-350/#comments Mon, 08 Feb 2021 00:04:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6533 My life was out of control, but I still thought I could control my loved one’s drinking. Cold Wednesday in April. The beginning of the story but also the middle of the story. Where is the beginning? When I learned, as a child, to take care of everyone else first? That I couldn’t be happy...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/02/my-life-was-unmanageable-350/feed/ 2 My life was out of control, but I still thought I could control my loved one’s drinking. Cold Wednesday in April. The beginning of the story but also the middle of the story. Where is the beginning? When I learned, as a child, My life was out of control, but I still thought I could control my loved one’s drinking.



* Cold Wednesday in April. The beginning of the story but also the middle of the story.* Where is the beginning?* When I learned, as a child, to take care of everyone else first? That I couldn’t be happy unless everyone around me was happy, too?* When almost all the romantic relationships in my early life were with someone who needed “help”?* When I married an alcoholic (not that I knew it at the time)?* When I realized her drinking was a problem and started trying to control it?* When I was living in despair and anger and rage as a result?* That cold Wednesday: * I heard the 3 Cs for the “first” time, and felt a weight lifted.* Found the pamphlet Has Your Life Been Affected by Someone Else’s Drinking? I answered “yes” to 16 of the 20 questions.* My first meeting — I am not alone.* Step one: accepting my powerlessness. * Step two: rejecting God, but finding a higher power speaking through the program.* Step three: “fake it until I make it” — “act as if” — Hindsight tells me that committing to work the program was and is a Step 3 decision.* Step four: SO SCARY. I worked the steps with a small group. We met weekly. Accountability kept me going, and hearing others’ sharing brought the understanding that I am not uniquely broken, but am just human. A powerful release of shame and blame.* Step five: “I’m only as sick as my secrets”. I have found that I cannot change my “defects of character” without admitting the “exact nature of my wrongs” out loud to another human.* Step six: What does this even mean? “Entirely ready”? ALL my defects? And HOW? Turns out that for me, this is about really accepting myself as I am, and that when I do that, then I am ready to change. This is where recovery starts.* Step seven: Ask for change. Trusting the process. Practicing new behaviors. My HP releases me from being stuck in old behavior but I have to practice the new way — that’s “my part”.* Step eight: Who did I hurt? What was “my part” and how did I injure them? Am I ready to make amends? Can I be willing to become ready?* Step nine: Amend means to “make better”, to “improve”. Step nine is not about apology. It is about admitting my role in events and about changing my behavior so it won’t happen in the future. * Step ten: I love this step because it keeps my life “clean”. I no longer have to carry guilt and shame over things I did, because I can make immediate amends and move forward.* Step eleven: * Step twelve: The only promise in the steps — we *will* have a spiritual awakening. My awakening was gradual and I only recognized it when the book asked me “Have you had a spiritual awakening?” Yes! I am living in a new way. I have serenity and a stable place to stand. I have tools to deal with the inevitable times when I am knocked off balance by events and people.* I came in broken and angry, full of shame. I thought it was my mission to get my wife to stop drinking and I was failing. Here I learned how to be a “me” that I actually like, to understand where the boundary between me and the rest of the world lies, to be able to ask for the wisdom to know the difference, and to experience serenity even when the world around me is full of chaos







Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show




]]> The Recovery Show 350 350 full false 1:06:25 Service in Al-Anon – 349 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/service-in-al-anon-349/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/service-in-al-anon-349/#comments Mon, 01 Feb 2021 01:37:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6529 “When I got busy, I got better”. I’ve heard this as an encouragement to service in recovery. What is service, and how can it support my recovery? Spencer and Ester talk about our experience with service, with support from almost a dozen listeners. Our discussion was guided by but certainly not limited to these questions....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/service-in-al-anon-349/feed/ 1 “When I got busy, I got better”. I’ve heard this as an encouragement to service in recovery. What is service, and how can it support my recovery? Spencer and Ester talk about our experience with service, with support from almost a dozen listeners. “When I got busy, I got better”. I’ve heard this as an encouragement to service in recovery. What is service, and how can it support my recovery?



Spencer and Ester talk about our experience with service, with support from almost a dozen listeners. Our discussion was guided by but certainly not limited to these questions.



* What *is* service, anyway? What kinds of service are we talking about?* How have you given / experienced service in your recovery?* Why have you given service?* What have been your reasons for not giving service?* How do you balance service commitments with the “rest of your life?”* There’s a booklet titled “When I Got Busy, I Got Better”  What does this phrase mean to you? Have you experienced this? Why and how?* How has service changed your outlook in “all your affairs”?* Have you found service intrinsically rewarding? How might this differ from your earlier attitudes about “being of service” or “helping out”?







Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, September 7. The reading from the same book for October 2 was also mentioned. I don't recall if we mentioned the book When I Got Busy, I Got Better, but it is definitely relevant.



Upcoming topics



Eric suggested a new slogan “Don't engage with rage.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Simon & Garfunkel – Bridge over Troubled Water




]]> The Recovery Show 349 349 full false 1:51:18 Teen Depression and Self-harm – 348 https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/teen-depression-and-self-harm-348/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/teen-depression-and-self-harm-348/#comments Fri, 08 Jan 2021 14:38:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6520 How can we use our recovery tools to help us when our loved ones are suffering from mental illness? Is it harder when our loved one is our child? Roberta shares her experience, strength, and hope around these questions. Our conversation was guided by these questions. How/when did you come to Al-Anon? Give as much...

The post Teen Depression and Self-harm – 348 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2021/01/teen-depression-and-self-harm-348/feed/ 6 How can we use our recovery tools to help us when our loved ones are suffering from mental illness? Is it harder when our loved one is our child? Roberta shares her experience, strength, and hope around these questions. How can we use our recovery tools to help us when our loved ones are suffering from mental illness? Is it harder when our loved one is our child?



Roberta shares her experience, strength, and hope around these questions. Our conversation was guided by these questions.



* How/when did you come to Al-Anon?* Give as much or as little of that journey as you wish.* How and when did you realize your daughter’s problems?* What was your initial reaction / response to them?* What program tools are you using to support her and to keep your own “sanity”?* Serenity Prayer* A place to go — program friends* Meetings — Zoom!* “This too shall pass” — the wave comes in and then it goes out* Podcast.* Loving Detachment* Acceptance* Boundaries (around what we can do)* Live in the moment — One day at a time.* Prayer* Hope (without expectations?)* What else?* How is this experience similar to your earlier experience with alcoholism?* How is it different?* How does the fact that she is your child and still a minor make a difference in * What you do?* What you feel you should do?* What you can do?* What others are telling you you should do?* What are your fears?* Where are you today, emotionally and spiritually?* What might you say to other parents who have similar struggles?







Readings and Links



We read from the Al-Anon pamphlet 3 Views of Al-Anon, the section titled :”An Open Letter from an Alcoholic”, and the book Discovering Choices, Chapter 10.



A couple of listeners wrote about the podcast Poetry Unbound.



A listener wrote in response to a question about using recovery to deal with food issues, recommending Overeaters Anonymous.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics include “Service”, and “What qualifies your for Al-Anon?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show to share on either of these topics.







Music from the Show




https://youtu.be/mI3au4KM4xM
Nina Simone – Feeling Good





Rachel Platten – Fight Song





Eminem – Not Afraid (Explict)





Eminem – Not Afraid (Clean)




]]> The Recovery Show 348 348 full false 1:41:32 If I am not the Problem, there is no Solution – 347 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/12/if-i-am-not-the-problem-there-is-no-solution-347/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/12/if-i-am-not-the-problem-there-is-no-solution-347/#comments Fri, 18 Dec 2020 06:36:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=6512 If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution. Huh? How does this make sense for my recovery. Spencer, Eric and several listeners share our thoughts about this idea. How would you have felt about this statement before you came into recovery? In what ways were you trying to fix other people’s problems? Which...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/12/if-i-am-not-the-problem-there-is-no-solution-347/feed/ 8 If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution. Huh? How does this make sense for my recovery. Spencer, Eric and several listeners share our thoughts about this idea. How would you have felt about this statement before you came into recovery? If I’m not the problem, then there is no solution. Huh? How does this make sense for my recovery.



Spencer, Eric and several listeners share our thoughts about this idea.



* How would you have felt about this statement before you came into recovery?* In what ways were you trying to fix other people’s problems?* Which of those problems was actually yours?* How did trying to fix someone else’s problems make you feel?* What did you hear when you came to Al-Anon that encouraged you to think differently?* What does this statement mean to you now?* How does that affect/change your behavior?* How is it liberating?* How does it contribute to less unmanageability and more serenity in your life?* Some problems I have* Failing to LET GO.  My problem becomes, that I will be dragged.  Example, my  (Eric) marriage.  Going to AA to take the medicine, to cure her disease.* If I fail to set healthy boundaries, I will become a doormat, and accept unacceptable behavior, and become resentful, angry, and irritable, without knowing it…* If I do not practice the art of listening, intently, with an OPEN MIND, I will not hear, understand, and lose my ability to have choices, and choose a response, that is healthy and best FOR ME.* These and many other problems, are OF MY OWN MAKING.  The solutions are of my OWN choosing.  I have the power to change this “stinking thinking”.* What solutions have we found?* Detachment* Boundaries* Acceptance



Eric concluded:



I can’t change the weather, the traffic, and I cannot drive the car in front of me. No matter how much I want to… I CAN change, my perspective, my outlook, and my attitude towards it.



There is a solution. I / we all, have the power to awaken within us, the courage to change, the things we can. And, I have come to know that that thing, is ME.



I will Let It Begin With Me.



Readings and Links



We read from How Al-Anon Works: p. 20 (in Chapter 4) Seeking Solutions for Ourselves, and Tradition 5, p. 113.



Spencer reflected on “Phase One” by Dilruba Ahmed, a poem about forgiving ourselves, which he heard on the podcast Poetry Unbound.



Gina told us about another Al-Anon podcast: www.al-anonuk.org.uk/podcasts



We were reminded of these other episodes:



* Freedom (241)* Perspective (258)* Enabling or Empowering? (261)* Consequences (245)* Resentment (196)



Feedback



If you have questions, comments, or shares on any of our episodes, you can call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Coldplay – Fix You





I'm the Problem – Timothy Brindle





Man in the Mirror – Michael Jackson






]]> The Recovery Show 347 347 full false 1:36:30 Gratitude 2020 – 346 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/gratitude-2020-346/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/gratitude-2020-346/#respond Thu, 26 Nov 2020 14:51:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5737 What are you grateful for right now? Where do you have gratitude that isunexpected? How has the practice of gratitude helped you throughturbulent, stressful events and times? My gratitude this year is centered on people in my life. My brother, who is taking care of my aging, ailing parents. He is there when they have...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/gratitude-2020-346/feed/ 0 What are you grateful for right now? Where do you have gratitude that isunexpected? How has the practice of gratitude helped you throughturbulent, stressful events and times? My gratitude this year is centered on people in my life. My brother, What are you grateful for right now? Where do you have gratitude that isunexpected? How has the practice of gratitude helped you throughturbulent, stressful events and times?



My gratitude this year is centered on people in my life.



* My brother, who is taking care of my aging, ailing parents. He is there when they have a crisis and need the support of medical professionals. He is there when they have a crisis that just needs some loving, physical attention. He is there when a care giver is potentially exposed to COVID and he needs to suddenly fill her schedule with someone else. He is there.* My sister, who backs up my brother in care. She lives about 45 minutes away from my parents, and can be there when he needs to take one to the ER and the other needs to stay home. I am 8 hours away by car, and really can’t be there on short notice, so I am grateful that we have two layers of support.* The fact that my parents are still alive. They may be fading out, but they are still there. I *think* I am ready for the inevitable, but how can I really know until it actually happens.* My wife, who picks up a lot of the routine tasks of living, especially financial. She is the one who negotiated refinancing our mortgage. She is the one who negotiated getting long term care insurance. Both of these involved lots of time on the phone, and lots of time on hold. She brings flowers into the house, and hugs into my life. * My religious community, who continue to be there, week upon week. Who made the transition to online worship with hardly a glitch. Who have created new opportunities to connect on a regular basis. And who let me know about the joys and troubles of friends in community. * My neighbors. The one who regularly bakes goodies and puts them on her porch for all to share. The ones who share how they are thriving or struggling in this strange time. The ones who say “hi” when we pass (appropriately distanced) on the sidewalk. The ones who figured out how to have a great neighborhood Halloween celebration while remaining safe from the virus. The ones who write birthday greetings on their sidewalk in chalk for neighbors’ children. The ones who make this a neighborhood.* All of you, who continue to contribute your experience, strength, and hope. Whether you have sent me an email or a voicemail; or have participated as a guest in the podcast. I am grateful to you, because I really could not keep on going without your support.



Thank you, also, to those listeners who shared their gratitude in this episode.
]]> The Recovery Show 346 346 full false 16:31 Slow Recovery – 345 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/slow-recovery-345/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/slow-recovery-345/#comments Mon, 23 Nov 2020 05:22:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5727 Recovery takes time. That’s a good thing. Why? Ester leads us through a conversation about slow recovery, guided by these notes. Recovery, like everything in life, has its ebbs and flows.  An “ebb” in its noun form is defined in the Meriam Webster dictionary as “the reflux of the tide toward the sea” and as...

The post Slow Recovery – 345 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/slow-recovery-345/feed/ 1 Recovery takes time. That’s a good thing. Why? Ester leads us through a conversation about slow recovery, guided by these notes. Recovery, like everything in life, has its ebbs and flows.  An “ebb” in its noun form is defined in the Meriam Webster dict... Recovery takes time. That’s a good thing. Why?



Ester leads us through a conversation about slow recovery, guided by these notes.



Recovery, like everything in life, has its ebbs and flows. 



An “ebb” in its noun form is defined in the Meriam Webster dictionary as “the reflux of the tide toward the sea” and as “a point or condition of decline” as in “our spirits were at a low ebb.” 



In its verb form, “to ebb” is “to recede from the flood” or “to fall from a higher to a lower level or from a better to a worse state.



The questions are:



* How do I manage the inevitable ebbs in my recovery, as they come? * What can I do when the ebb manifests, particularly when I am challenged by external circumstances, to a reversion to pre-program habits or thoughts? * Recovery is slow, and it is also non-linear. I can accept this. But when is slow recovery the right pace for me and when can it become stagnation?



Context/background



* Challenges at work have been compounded by the specific and unusual circumstances of this year. * I can compare this with how the same challenges at the same time last year were compounded by another struggle: the aftermath of the rock bottom of my alcoholic partner.* It is possible to see the struggles I had as me being steered by my higher power toward some clarity about how my old ways of doing things aren’t working for me anymore. 



Reflections/evaluations of the experiences



* While I was going through these struggles, I was seeing myself as a failure at recovery. I was regressing, reverting to old behaviours, relapsing, in effect. * But what I realised, later, was that while all of this was happening, I was going through some profound transformations and realisations… * And that these were not “sudden,” or “out of nowhere.” They were the cumulative result of time/effort/commitment to the program of recovery, which is to say, working the steps with a sponsor, reading literature, and doing what I’m told… * And that if I keep doing the program and doing what I’m told, those transformations will continue happening.  * But they will be slow. And sometimes I will not see them. And sometimes I will slide out of them: three steps forward, two steps back, and on it goes. Recovery is not a straight line in one direction.* I admit: sometimes I have (shamefully) observed in myself, some little triggers for jealousy around observing other members who work the program ostensibly faster than me.* I am admitting that because I recognise my sick thinking in that. Obviously I understand that Al-Anon is not a competition. If there is such a thing as the opposite of a competition, Al-Anon is surely it. * Moreover, the pace of recovery I am doing is the pace that is right for me. And if that is slow, and sometimes, during harder times, it is really slow, then that is how it is meant to be. 



Key points of transformation



* I have learned how to ask for help. Or, more accurately, I was thrust into a situation where I had no choice. And now I can see how freeing it is.* I have accepted that sometimes people can see me emotionally struggle—even in professional contexts where I prefer that people think I’m some kind of well-oiled machine that talks.* I have learned how to pray every day, sometimes several times a day, and to mean it. * I have learned—and I mean really learned, in an embodied way—how futile it is to chastize myself for things I am having trouble with. That is not to say I should not hold myself responsible for things I commit to. Rather, it is that if something I am trying is not working, I try something else,]]> The Recovery Show 345 345 full false 1:27:55 Calming the Anxiety — 344 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/calming-the-anxiety-344/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/calming-the-anxiety-344/#comments Mon, 09 Nov 2020 23:06:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5720 This has been a rough week for many of us in the United States, and outside the United States. As political processes wind their way through; as the pandemic is escalating; I wanted to take a moment to think about the ways in which I have used, and in which you can use program tools...

The post Calming the Anxiety — 344 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/calming-the-anxiety-344/feed/ 1 This has been a rough week for many of us in the United States, and outside the United States. As political processes wind their way through; as the pandemic is escalating; I wanted to take a moment to think about the ways in which I have used, This has been a rough week for many of us in the United States, and outside the United States. As political processes wind their way through; as the pandemic is escalating; I wanted to take a moment to think about the ways in which I have used, and in which you can use program tools to survive, maybe thrive, or at least not go nuts, during this time.



What tools did I use?



* Meditation* Acceptance* Taking care of myself — taking a mental health day* Not obsessing* Breathing* My Dog



What things did I do that were not so healthy?



* Stress eating* Stress drinking* Too much screen time.



How have you used the program to help you calm your anxiety?




]]> The Recovery Show 344 344 full false 16:54 There are no experts in Al-Anon — 343 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/there-are-no-experts-in-al-anon-343/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/there-are-no-experts-in-al-anon-343/#respond Fri, 06 Nov 2020 04:45:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5713 I heard someone in a meeting say, “the great thing is that there are no experts in Al-Anon.” What does this mean and why is it a great thing? Aren’t we all experts on our own stories? One expression of this idea is found in Tradition 8: Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional,...

The post There are no experts in Al-Anon — 343 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/11/there-are-no-experts-in-al-anon-343/feed/ 0 I heard someone in a meeting say, “the great thing is that there are no experts in Al-Anon.” What does this mean and why is it a great thing? Aren’t we all experts on our own stories? One expression of this idea is found in Tradition 8: Al-Anon Twelfth... I heard someone in a meeting say, “the great thing is that there are no experts in Al-Anon.” What does this mean and why is it a great thing? Aren’t we all experts on our own stories?



* One expression of this idea is found in Tradition 8: Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.* What if we did recognize “experts”?* Would we elevate their opinions and solutions?* Why would this be harmful?* In recovery we “share experiences, strength, and hope”. * Why is this so powerful?* What have you learned from someone else’s sharing?* Would you have rejected it if it came from an “expert” as a prescription instead of from someone sharing just their own experience?* The only thing I’m an “expert” on is my own experience.  * I can share what happened, what I did, and how well (or not) it worked for me.* And you can take what you like, and leave the rest.* There is no “quiz”, no “evaluation”, no list of things you need to learn to recover.* How beautiful is that?







Readings and Links



We read from How Al-Anon Works, chapter 16, Twelve Traditions; and Hope for Today, December 18



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is “If I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does recognizing this point you towards solutions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children





Bonnie Raitt: Storm Warning





Billy Bragg: No One Knows Nothing Anymore






]]> The Recovery Show 343 343 full false 1:07:21 Co-parenting with an Alcoholic – 342 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/co-parenting-with-an-alcoholic-342/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/co-parenting-with-an-alcoholic-342/#respond Sat, 17 Oct 2020 21:00:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5704 Are you struggling with co-parenting your children with an alcoholic? What are your challenges? What tools have you found? Join Lynne and Linzi as they share their experience in a conversation guided by these questions. What was it like before, co-parenting with an alcoholic before recovery? What made you realize that this wasn’t how you...

The post Co-parenting with an Alcoholic – 342 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/co-parenting-with-an-alcoholic-342/feed/ 0 Are you struggling with co-parenting your children with an alcoholic? What are your challenges? What tools have you found? Join Lynne and Linzi as they share their experience in a conversation guided by these questions. What was it like before, Are you struggling with co-parenting your children with an alcoholic? What are your challenges? What tools have you found? Join Lynne and Linzi as they share their experience in a conversation guided by these questions.



* What was it like before, co-parenting with an alcoholic before recovery?* What made you realize that this wasn’t how you wanted to live any more? What brought you into recovery?* What lessons did you learn in those early Al Anon meetings that you could apply to your co-parenting situation?* What does dropping the rope mean to you? How do you find the line between protecting and parenting your kids and not overstepping into that over-mothering/hyper-vigilance/hyper-functioning?* How did your family change when you found recovery and a new way of living?* How is your relationship now with your co-parent?* How do you talk to your kids about addiction and Al-Anon?* How do the traditions help you find serenity in your co-parenting situation?







Readings and Links



Lynne read from the Detachment pamphlet, which is available online.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics include “if I’m not the problem, there is no solution.” How has recovery let you see “your part” in problems? How does this help you to find a solution you can actually execute? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Jason Isbell – Hope The High Road





The Avett Brothers – No Hard Feelings





Maggie Rogers – Fallingwater
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:58:44 Activism and Recovery – Your Voices – 341 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/activism-and-recovery-your-voices-341/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/activism-and-recovery-your-voices-341/#comments Fri, 09 Oct 2020 20:31:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5681 In episode 337, I talked with Amanda and Becky about how recovery and activism intersected for them. I got a lot of feedback about that episode with some very thoughtful sharing. This episode has your voices, without any discussion or comment by me. I want to thank everyone who contributed. You have given me a...

The post Activism and Recovery – Your Voices – 341 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/10/activism-and-recovery-your-voices-341/feed/ 1 In episode 337, I talked with Amanda and Becky about how recovery and activism intersected for them. I got a lot of feedback about that episode with some very thoughtful sharing. This episode has your voices, without any discussion or comment by me. In episode 337, I talked with Amanda and Becky about how recovery and activism intersected for them. I got a lot of feedback about that episode with some very thoughtful sharing. This episode has your voices, without any discussion or comment by me. I want to thank everyone who contributed. You have given me a lot to think about.



Readings and Links



Amanda shared some links to articles that she found thought-provoking. These are: an article, “Activism is better for recovery,” from HuffPost; and an organization, Faces and Voices of Recovery, that advocates for recovery policy.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming, we have a conversation about co-parenting with an alcoholic or addict. We are planning a couple of episodes, tentatively titled “There are no experts in Al-Anon”, and “If it's not my problem, there is no solution.” How do these ideas resonate with you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 341 341 full false 43:48 Married to an Alcoholic Minister – Barbara K – 340 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/married-to-an-alcoholic-minister-barbara-k-340/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/married-to-an-alcoholic-minister-barbara-k-340/#comments Thu, 24 Sep 2020 03:04:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5675 What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways? Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she captured so well the ways in...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/married-to-an-alcoholic-minister-barbara-k-340/feed/ 1 What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways? Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she ... What is it like being married to an alcoholic minister who is beloved of his congregation? How might it cause you to behave in crazy ways?



Today I am sharing with you a talk by Barbara K, recorded in 1993. I listened to this recently and I thought she captured so well the ways in which WE, the partners of alcoholics, can be and act crazier than our alcoholic loved ones.



Readings and Links



A listener sent some information about recovery programs that are not based on the 12 steps. She listed these:



* SmartRecovery.org* CelebrateRecovery.com* RecoveryDharma.org* RefugeRecovery.org* SoberGrid.com



Our guest, Josh, on episode 324, Recovery Dharma, talked about that program and Refuge Recovery.



Upcoming topics



A topic we're considering is an exploration of the idea “if I'm not the problem, there is no solution.” How does this speak to you? It's sort of a counterpoint to our recent episode “It's not your fault.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Sheryl Crow – Every Day Is a Winding Road




https://youtu.be/6ZHdxYf-5Pk
James Taylor & Carole King – You've Got A Friend





Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris – Why Worry
]]> The Recovery Show 340 340 full false 1:36:20 It’s Not Your Fault – 339 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/its-not-your-fault-339/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/its-not-your-fault-339/#comments Thu, 03 Sep 2020 17:14:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5659 Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/09/its-not-your-fault-339/feed/ 1 Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. Do you feel that IT is your fault? How can recovery help you understand what is really your responsibility and what is absolutely not? Spencer and Eric discuss these questions along with shares from many of you. This topic was inspired by the scene “it's not your fault” from the movie Good Will Hunting. A clip of this scene from YouTube is shown below.



* Definitions of fault and blame?* Blame: * v. Assign responsibility for a fault or wrong.* Blame is the act of censuring, holding responsible, making negative statements about an individual or group that their action or actions are socially or morally irresponsible, the opposite of praise. (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blame)* Fault:* responsibility for an accident or misfortune.* a misguided or dangerous action or habit* v. criticize for inadequacy or mistakes* At fault:* responsible for an undesirable situation or event; in the wrong.* When and how have you felt that “it” is your fault?* How did you respond/react to this (guilty) feeling? (258, responsibility 120, 102, patience 333)* When do others (and maybe particularly the alcoholic or addict in your life) blame you for their problems?* Do you blame yourself for the things that have happened?* Do you criticize yourself for your decisions and actions?* Does it always seem that you “could have done better”?* How have the 12 steps and the tools of recovery helped?* How are you learning to take just the right amount of responsibility for your own decisions and actions?* When do you know it is not your fault?* What are you still struggling with feeling “to blame” for?







Readings and Links



We read from the book In All Our Affairs, p. 85, the section titled “No Longer Blaming Myself”.



We talked briefly about an article titled Is Your Guilt True or False?



The conversation and your sharing prompted reference to many episodes of The Recovery Show, including these:



13 – Shame, 81 The 3 C's, 102 Responsibility and Authority, 120 Authority and Responsibility, 121 Laughter, 151 Meditation, 169 Feelings, 211 Kindness and Courtesy, 219 3 P's, 258 Perspective, 270 Do You Believe?, 328 Hope Means Possibility, 333 Patience and Tolerance



Eric suggested a meditation titled She Let Go from Insight Timer.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics include feedback on episode 337 on activism and recovery. I’ve heard from some of you, and I’m planning an episode where your voices can stand alone. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





“It's not your fault” clip from Good Will Hunting



The video for “Good Enough” includes a scene with domestic violence.]]> The Recovery Show 339 339 full false 1:43:28 Wisdom to Know the Difference – 338 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/wisdom-to-know-the-difference-338/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/wisdom-to-know-the-difference-338/#respond Fri, 21 Aug 2020 02:37:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5652 The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen? Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing when I don’t know.” Then how “wisdom to know the difference” in...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/wisdom-to-know-the-difference-338/feed/ 0 The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen? Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing ... The serenity prayer asks for the wisdom to know the difference. What does this mean? And how does it happen?



Ester joined me for a conversation about these questions. We thought we might structure our conversation by starting with the idea of “Knowing when I don’t know.” Then how “wisdom to know the difference” in the serenity prayer is helpful to recovery.



And finally, how we might use “wisdom to know the difference” can apply very broadly to recovery in ways that aren't maybe immediately obvious in the serenity prayer (with Courage to Change October 10, if we need a guiding reading). Often, I need to pray for the wisdom to know the difference between a bunch of dualisms that sometimes appear to be the same, such as these:



assertiveness and arrogance



When does assertiveness—standing my ground on principles and values that matter to me—cross the line into arrogance?



Almost always when I am fearful or insecure, particularly of my powerlessness. And arrogance is me trying to exercise my self-will again.



When I use the slogans such as “think (x 3)”  I realize that I am single-handedly attempting to fight an entire system that I’m working within.



When I pause I can ask myself whether I have the wisdom to know the difference between



a) standing up for what I believe is acceptable in my own hula hoop, on the one hand, and 



b) what I believe is a problem with an entire system, that has been occurring over a series of decades, and which I cannot will to change (no matter how many self-righteous statements I might make).



something that is important and something that is urgent



I often lack the wisdom to know the difference between these. Sometimes I have trouble completing important projects because I cannot always see how other things I’m focusing on doing, while they may be important, are not urgent.



I tend to like “clearing my desk” so will work through things that really should be my B and C lists while items on my A list get completely neglected.



Another reason for this imbalance of priorities is that I also have trouble distinguishing between doing a healthy amount of what I would call the “service” part of my job and letting it completely consume my working week with no time or energy left for anything else.



I tend to view the tasks that require external accountability as the urgent ones because I am afraid of the consequences of not giving people what they want immediately and at the highest possible standard.



I tend to do what someone else asks of me before the things that were already on my to-do list. Leads to neglecting my own goals. In some situations, to the detriment of my career progression. The “service” part of my job is important work, but has to sit on a steady foundation of basic needs, self-care, and wishes. Otherwise I self-sabotage, reinforce low self-esteem, and resent the people to whom I’m externally accountable.



busyness and unmanageability



Variety & a full life = the good kind of busyness. I might be tired afterward but go to sleep peacefully at the end of it and be satisfied with it.



I can usually tell when busyness crosses over into unmanageability when I notice myself feeling agitated, crotchety, irritable. When very small things make me very mad, I know I’m becoming unmanageable. 



There are certainly more we could explore, but this is where we stopped.



Readings and Links



]]> The Recovery Show 338 338 full false 1:39:58 Activism and Recovery with Amanda and Becky – 337 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/activism-and-recovery-with-amanda-and-becky-337/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/activism-and-recovery-with-amanda-and-becky-337/#respond Mon, 03 Aug 2020 12:25:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5639 How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”? Spencer, Amanda, and Becky have a wide-ranging discussion around these questions and others. We were joined virtually...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/08/activism-and-recovery-with-amanda-and-becky-337/feed/ 0 How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”? Spencer, Amanda, How can recovery, the serenity prayer, and the traditions of Al Anon guide me in working for societal change? When should I “let go and let God” and when should I work to “change the things I can”?



Spencer, Amanda, and Becky have a wide-ranging discussion around these questions and others. We were joined virtually with voice shares from Mark and Lynne. Our discussion was guided but not limited by the outline below.



* Note about Tradition 10 The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.We do not represent any 12 step program. We aim to use the Al Anon principles in all our affairs. As individuals, we can use what we’ve learned in Al Anon as tools to help us navigate our own civic engagement and activism.* LIstening is a skill. * Avoid “defensive listening”* Finding common ground* Practice “Recovered listening”* What is my motivation for what I’m about to say?* One of the primary messages of Al-Anon is that I cannot control others actions and decisions. We have slogans and tools like* Let go and let God* Detachment* Acceptance* For many of us, there are things about society and culture that we cannot accept and wish to work for change. * How do we reconcile this with the recovery messages of acceptance? * Accepting the situation as it is/coming out of denial. Accepting that others may have other views/be on different sides/ be in denial about how bad a situation is/the reality of it. * More so, how can we use recovery tools to more effectively work for change?* Personal responsibility to engage and participate. Concept 4-5  Hope for Today, p. 99* The Three A’s * Awareness (opposite of denial)* Acceptance (Pause/ Processing/emotional sobriety)* Action (Singleness of purpose, responding not reacting)* Let it begin with me  / breaking the cycling of dysfunction like the family disease of alcoholism / Skill of listening fully to others practiced in meetings (crosstalk) * Let go and let god Letting go of outcomes* Keeping things manageable, Selfcare, Boundaries (external & internal) HALT / slogans* Keep an open mind / Would you rather be right or happy * Contrast Angela Davis quote with serenity prayer.* I am no longer accepting the things I cannot change. I am changing the things I cannot accept.







Readings and Links



We read from From Survival to Recovery, excerpts from pp. 230-231; also Hope For Today April 8 and Sept 29.



A listener asked about episodes for parents. For any topic, you can use the search page to find episodes and other blog posts. Episodes are also tagged with topics. In this case, the tag search for “parent” finds several episodes.



The Al-Anon World Service Office has a severe budget shortfall this year, and has had to lay off staff. If you want to help, you can make a donation or buy literature on the Al-Anon web site.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming: more on activism, and “it's not your fault.”



Do you feel like “it” is your fault? Are you criticized, blamed, accusedand sometimes even feel responsible somehow for other’s bad choices orbehavior? Do you blame and criticize yourself? Do you think that somehowyou “could have done better”?



How do the 12 steps and the tools of Al-Anon help? How are you learningto take just the right amount of responsibility for your own decisionsand actions? Where do you know that it's NOT your fault? What are youstill struggling with?



]]> The Recovery Show 337 337 full false 1:51:03 Irritable and Unreasonable – 336 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/irritable-and-unreasonable-336/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/irritable-and-unreasonable-336/#comments Tue, 14 Jul 2020 13:46:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5628 Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many others. The suggested Al-Anon/Alateen opening says Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/irritable-and-unreasonable-336/feed/ 3 Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that? Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many other... Do you find yourself becoming irritable and unreasonable. Maybe without knowing it? How does your program of recovery help you out of that?



Eric, Spencer, and several of you share our experience, strength, and hope around these questions and many others.



The suggested Al-Anon/Alateen opening says



Our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions, and we become irritable and unreasonable without knowing it.How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 2



* We often start with definitions* Irritability is the excitatory ability that living organisms have to respond to changes in their environment. (Wikipedia)* What's that mean? Let's try, “It is commonly defined as the tendency to react to stimuli with the experience of negative … states (especially anger) and temper outbursts.”* Unreasonable: “not defined by or based on good sense”* We spent a little time walking through an article “7 Quick Ways to Stop Being Irritable” from Psychology Today. * Figure out the source – what is really going on here? (Step 4: Inventory).* Slogans: Keep it Simple, Easy Does It. (Episodes 131 and 235 on slogans).* Reduce caffeine and alcohol – For me, I need a certain base level of caffeine, or so it might seem, anyway.* It's often the little things – a bunch of little stuff piles up and becomes a big thing. (“The straw that broke the camel's back.”)* Get in touch with your compassion – Bernice shared an incident where having a little compassion totally changed her mood. (Episode 169, Feelings. Also, the “self hug” from episode 335, Isolation, to feel compassion for yourself!)* Gain perspective – changing my point of view can change my mood, for sure. (Episode 258, Perspective)* Rid yourself of nervous energy – “Move a muscle, change a thought” (Episode 292, Sayings)* Get quiet or alone time – “5 minutes without words”, meditation (Episode 151, Meditation)* We also looked at a blog post “Traits of unreasonable people“, with particular focus on how we ourselves have exhibited these traits. The post suggests that unreasonable may lack these traits* Humility – Example: “I'm right, you're wrong, end of discussion.” (Episode 208, Humility)* Awareness – “I see where I'm right, I see where you're wrong.” (Episode 43, 3 A's; episode 292, Sayings, Quotes and Parables.)* Responsibility – “If I'm wrong, so what? So are you!” (Episode 120, Authority and Responsibility; episode 298, Saying No)* Empathy – “I'm bothered when you hurt me; when I hurt you, you're too sensitive.” (Episode 309, Gratitude; episode 33, Compassion)* Reliability – “I'm not going to change, because I'm not wrong.” (Episode 281, How do you trust? Episode 228, Trust and Trustworthy.)



Listeners shared how they become irritable and unreasonable; how they recognize that this is happening; and what tools help move out of that state. Some feel irritability and unreasonableness in their body as a tightness or other sensation. A common tool for recognition is HALT (am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired?),]]> The Recovery Show 336 336 full false 1:22:50 The Impact of Isolation — 335 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/the-impact-of-isolation-335/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/the-impact-of-isolation-335/#comments Fri, 03 Jul 2020 01:06:39 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5617 Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pressure and heart disease. In these days, we are all isolated. Some more, some less. Our usual ways...

The post The Impact of Isolation — 335 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/07/the-impact-of-isolation-335/feed/ 1 Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pres... Humans are “obligatorily gregarious”. We need other people. When we don't have the connections we need, we suffer. We suffer emotionally with depression, anxiety, and hyper-vigilance. But we can also suffer physically with symptoms like high blood pressure and heart disease.



In these days, we are all isolated. Some more, some less. Our usual ways of connecting are not available to us. Meetings are not face-to-face, but screen-to-screen. When I'm on a “Zoom call”, I can't look you in the eyes when I'm talking to you. When I'm looking at you on the screen, you see me looking down or to the side. When I am looking the camera, I can't see you. Our connection is not complete.



Luckily, there are some things we can do to reduce the impact of this isolation. That can help to make us feel more connected. First, breathe. Breathe consciously. Inhale, then take a little more time to exhale. Breathe through your nose (yes, really!) Right now. Breathe in. Pause. Breathe out slowly. Do it again.



Now… Cross your arms and put your hands on your shoulders. Give yourself a hug. Bring your hands down your arms to your elbows and then on to your wrists. Do it again. Do you feel a little calmer? A little more connected? I do.



Take time to connect. Find a meeting (online if not in person). You need it now, more than ever.







Upcoming topics



Upcoming, we want to talk about being “irritable and unreasonable”. When have you found yourself “irritable and unreasonable without knowing it”, as our suggested meeting opening says? How do you recognize that you are descending into that state of being? What tools do you use to get out of it and return to “serene and reasonable”?



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music





Simon & Garfunkel – The Only Living Boy in New York





Phoebe Bridgers – Graceland Too










]]> The Recovery Show 335 335 full false 16:34 Many Voices – 334 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/many-voices-334/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/many-voices-334/#comments Thu, 18 Jun 2020 23:17:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5610 Once again, we hear your voices. Topics range through Meetings as Medicine, Step 7, patience and tolerance, loss, and the length of shares. Readings and Links A listener wrote about using Discord for recovery meetings. Eric sent us a link to an Insight Timer meditation about patience. I talked about the reading from Hope For...

The post Many Voices – 334 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/many-voices-334/feed/ 1 Once again, we hear your voices. Topics range through Meetings as Medicine, Step 7, patience and tolerance, loss, and the length of shares. Readings and Links A listener wrote about using Discord for recovery meetings. Once again, we hear your voices. Topics range through Meetings as Medicine, Step 7, patience and tolerance, loss, and the length of shares.







Readings and Links



A listener wrote about using Discord for recovery meetings.



Eric sent us a link to an Insight Timer meditation about patience.



I talked about the reading from Hope For Today, June 6.



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics may include grief, and how do we use our recovery tools in working for social change? Can you reconcile “accepting the things you cannot change” with “changing the things you cannot accept”? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Best Coast – Everything has Changed





Caroline Spence – The Middle
]]> The Recovery Show 334 334 full false 1:27:11 Patience and Tolerance – 333 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/patience-and-tolerance-333/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/patience-and-tolerance-333/#comments Sat, 06 Jun 2020 17:24:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5597 Are you finding it difficult to be patient? How are you tolerant of a world that isn’t going the way you want it to go? Definitions Tolerance is a personality trait. It reflects an attitude of open-mindedness, an acceptance of the behavior, beliefs and values of other. It is a term that is associated with...

The post Patience and Tolerance – 333 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/06/patience-and-tolerance-333/feed/ 1 Are you finding it difficult to be patient? How are you tolerant of a world that isn’t going the way you want it to go? Definitions Tolerance is a personality trait. It reflects an attitude of open-mindedness, an acceptance of the behavior, Are you finding it difficult to be patient? How are you tolerant of a world that isn’t going the way you want it to go?



* Definitions* Tolerance is a personality trait. It reflects an attitude of open-mindedness, an acceptance of the behavior, beliefs and values of other. It is a term that is associated with psychological resilience which arises from the ability to tolerate stress of various forms without negative consequences.* Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.* Eric's acronym PISO: pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. (He used to write it on his hand.) Patience and tolerance may be an antidote for suffering.* As usual, we spend some time sharing how the negatives appear in our lives: impatience, intolerance, lack of restraint, and an “imaginary sense of hurry”.* Eric's HP has a sense of humor, giving him impatiens flowers for his window box, when he needed to be reminded about patience.* How do we cultivate patience and tolerance?* Reminders from our slogans and sayings:* How important is it?* One day at a time* Is it worth my serenity?* WAIT – Why am I talking?* Live and let live* Easy does it* LOVE – Let others voluntarily evolve.* We played out a scene from Kung Fu where “young grasshopper” is schooled about being fully present.* As usual, we have some quotes* Be not afraid of growing slowly.  Be afraid of standing still.  Chinese saying* Patience is the key to paradise.  Turkish proverb* If you understand, things are just as they are. If you don’t understand, things are just as they are. Zen Koan







Readings and Links



We read from In All our Affairs – Becoming Entirely Ready – pg 130 and Courage to Change, Jan 1.



We discussed a couple of articles: Who first said “Patience is a Virtue”, and The Power of Patience.



Upcoming topics



A topic idea from a listener: How do we keep our meetings focused on recovery in difficult times? When life is hard, it is easy to spend our time talking about our problems. We come to meetings for recovery, so how do we keep the focus of the meeting positive? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





John Mayer – My Stupid Mouth





George Michael – Waiting




https://youtu.be/C-0iIw9MDAo
John Mayer – Emoji of a Wave






]]> The Recovery Show 333 333 full false 1:06:49 Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/steps-1-2-and-3-332/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/steps-1-2-and-3-332/#comments Thu, 28 May 2020 12:18:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5591 Spencer was a guest on the Sober Speak podcast, with a conversation about Steps 1, 2, and 3 in Al-Anon. Sober Speak has mostly an AA focus, but the host, John M does sometimes invite members of Al-Anon to share their experience, strength, and hope. We talked about how I suddenly felt my powerlessness one...

The post Steps 1, 2 and 3 – 332 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/steps-1-2-and-3-332/feed/ 1 Spencer was a guest on the Sober Speak podcast, with a conversation about Steps 1, 2, and 3 in Al-Anon. Sober Speak has mostly an AA focus, but the host, John M does sometimes invite members of Al-Anon to share their experience, strength, and hope. Spencer was a guest on the Sober Speak podcast, with a conversation about Steps 1, 2, and 3 in Al-Anon. Sober Speak has mostly an AA focus, but the host, John M does sometimes invite members of Al-Anon to share their experience, strength, and hope.



We talked about how I suddenly felt my powerlessness one day, and how that brought me to this program of recovery. And then, the long journey to actually accepting that I am powerless over my loved one's alcoholism.



I resisted the notion of God as I understood God from my childhood, but was able to accept that there was some power greater than myself that was working in my life, because I was starting to feel better as I worked the Al-Anon program.



My sponsor encouraged me to “act as if” I had made a decision to turn my life over to the care of this (unknown) higher power. This got easier as I started to listen to the wisdom I was surrounded with. Eventually, I came to understand that I did not need to have a “picture” of my higher power in order to accept its guidance and support.



We will continue this conversation through the steps in the future, and I will share those here when they happen.







Readings and Links



A listener asked about the detachment reading I shared in episode 188, Detachment with Love. It is from a small flyer called Detachment, published by Al-Anon. It is available as a PDF from the Al-Anon web site.



Talk to us



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 332 332 full false 1:15:02 Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/choosing-love-over-fear-one-day-at-a-time-julie-l-331/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/choosing-love-over-fear-one-day-at-a-time-julie-l-331/#respond Fri, 15 May 2020 11:14:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5581 Julie joins us to tell her story. She grew up with an alcoholic father and an “untreated Al-Anon” mother. As a child, from the age of 10, she thought it was her job to mediate between her parents, and especially to try to help “settle” the arguments they had. Now, she recognizes that it never...

The post Choosing Love Over Fear One Day at a Time – Julie L – 331 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/choosing-love-over-fear-one-day-at-a-time-julie-l-331/feed/ 0 Julie joins us to tell her story. She grew up with an alcoholic father and an “untreated Al-Anon” mother. As a child, from the age of 10, she thought it was her job to mediate between her parents, and especially to try to help “settle” the arguments th... Julie joins us to tell her story.



She grew up with an alcoholic father and an “untreated Al-Anon” mother. As a child, from the age of 10, she thought it was her job to mediate between her parents, and especially to try to help “settle” the arguments they had. Now, she recognizes that it never worked, but she kept on trying, anyway.



In her relationships, her thinking was something like “if I make sure they are ok, then they will know that I love them, and they will love me, and everything will be ok.” This, also, didn't always work. She was looking for something to fill a “hole” inside her, and when people didn't do the job, she started “medicating” with food.



One day, she told herself, “Julie, you have a choice. You are killing yourself slowly. If you are not OK with continuing on this path, you have to do something.” She decided she wanted to live. So she found a therapist. This was her first example of her higher power doing for her what she couldn't do for herself.



After some time (years) in therapy, her therapist gave her “homework.” Clever therapist—she knew how to motivate Julie. Her homework was to go to Al-Anon. At her first meeting, she started hearing her story in others' voices. After another year, she was given new homework—get a sponsor. So she did.



A drastic change in her life came unexpectedly, just after she had finished working Steps 1-3. Her program, her sponsor, and her friends helped her through it. She says “the right people showed up at the right time.” Even in this upheaval, she started her Step 4 inventory, to build a “map” of herself, so she could see where she was, where she wanted to be, and how to get there. She told me “What I don’t have, I can’t give anyone else, what I don’t practice, I can’t expect from anyone else.”



In Steps 8 and 9, she came to forgiveness for her parents. She says “I don't forgive because what they did is okay. Even though they did the very best they could, what they did is not okay. I forgive now because I'm okay now.”



Now, she says “My life has changed beyond words, beyond my wildest imagination. I am living my best life. I can truly say that life is beautiful. I've connected with my higher power who has let me know that I have a purpose to be here. I'm made from God and God is in me. And in you, in all Al-Anons, in every human being in this world and in everything.”







Readings and Links



Julie read from her Al-Anon district newsletter, and the “gifts of Al-Anon” from the book From Survival to Recovery, pp 267-268.



Gina sent us a butterfly video (see below). She let us know that we can get ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) daily meditations when we sign up for the ACA newsletter, and that the CODA (Co-dependents Anonymous) daily reader is part of the CODA app (Android, apparently not on iPhone).



Recordings of the Al-Anon without Borders events. and many other speakers, are available for free listening or download at AMOT Audio.



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is “in all our affairs”. How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life?]]> The Recovery Show 331 331 full false 1:39:05 Boundaries Today – 330 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/boundaries-today-330/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/boundaries-today-330/#comments Fri, 08 May 2020 04:25:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5577 Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today? A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline. How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries. “… many of us find it difficult...

The post Boundaries Today – 330 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/05/boundaries-today-330/feed/ 6 Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today? A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline. How Al-Anon Works, Why are boundaries important to me right now? How am I setting and keeping healthy boundaries, today?



A couple of listeners shared their experience of boundaries. Spencer's discussion is guided by this outline.



* How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 11 Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness has a section titled Personal Boundaries.* “… many of us find it difficult even to begin [to focus on ourselves] because we have lost track of the separation between ourselves and others.”* “Enmeshed” best describes my relationship with my loved one before Al-Anon * I didn’t understand where I stopped and someone else began, so naturally I tried to take responsibility for everything.* Discovering boundaries: internal and external* Internal: “this is mine, that is not mine” (also the “hula hoop” concept)* Serenity prayer is a big help here.* External: limits I set on my behavior and limits I set on what I will tolerate* I will make sure I get enough rest, despite how late anyone else wants to stay up.* I reserve the right to remove myself from uncomfortable situations* I won’t give you more than I am comfortable giving* Not exactly a slogan: “Givers need to set boundaries because takers have none.”* Why are boundaries important now?* At home with my wife (and dog) 24-7.* Both of us are working — we both need to respect our work hours.* Outside the home: honor distancing guidelines (boundary on my own behavior)* Respect others’ desires* How do I respond when others are not honoring my boundaries (distancing)?







Readings and Links



We read from Hope for Today, November 6; Courage to Change, July 19, and How Al-Anon Works, pages 267-269



Feedback



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 330 330 full false 1:00:01 The God Word – 329 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/the-god-word-329/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/the-god-word-329/#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2020 12:56:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5566 Did the God language in the 12 steps put you off? How have you worked this program of recovery in that case? Spencer and 3 listeners contribute their experience of working the twelve steps of recovery, even though the God language was not “working” for us. We share the ways in which we were able...

The post The God Word – 329 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/the-god-word-329/feed/ 1 Did the God language in the 12 steps put you off? How have you worked this program of recovery in that case? Spencer and 3 listeners contribute their experience of working the twelve steps of recovery, even though the God language was not “working” for... Did the God language in the 12 steps put you off? How have you worked this program of recovery in that case?



Spencer and 3 listeners contribute their experience of working the twelve steps of recovery, even though the God language was not “working” for us.



We share the ways in which we were able to understand the concept of a “higher power” working in our lives, so that we could recover more fully. Higher powers that we turn to include the program itself, our recovery groups, nature and the universe, and for many of us, the power of love.



For some of us, we came to understand that the language was not important, and that language is, at best, an imperfect attempt to name, describe, and comprehend something that might not be comprehensible. But something that we could experience. One listener likens it to a blind person experiencing a sunset. The colors that are the biggest part of a sunset to a sighted person are meaningless, but that doesn't mean that the sunset can't be experienced by all the other senses.







Readings and Links



We read from



* Courage to Change, April 26* Strengthening My Recovery – ACA daily reader, April 14.



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is boundaries. Have you had to set new boundaries while staying at home? How are you enforcing your boundaries differently? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Alanis Morissette – Guardian





Indigo Girls – I Believe in Love





k.d. lang – Constant Craving






]]> The Recovery Show 329 329 full false 1:07:55 Hope means possibility – 328 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/hope-means-possibility-328/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/hope-means-possibility-328/#comments Fri, 24 Apr 2020 02:37:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5554 How do we find hope when it all seems hopeless? Eric and Spencer have a conversation about hope, inspired by these discussion points and questions. Hope definition a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. want something to happen or be the case. Often when we say “hope” we really mean...

The post Hope means possibility – 328 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/hope-means-possibility-328/feed/ 1 How do we find hope when it all seems hopeless? Eric and Spencer have a conversation about hope, inspired by these discussion points and questions. Hope definition a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. How do we find hope when it all seems hopeless?



Eric and Spencer have a conversation about hope, inspired by these discussion points and questions.



* Hope definition* a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.* want something to happen or be the case.* Often when we say “hope” we really mean “expectation” — “I hope this will happen”* How do we have hope without expectation?* The possibility of change… the possibility of improvement.* Spanish esperar vs ojalá — “waiting” or “god’s will”* Is it a “wish” or a “hope”?* http://www.differencebetween.info/difference-between-hope-and-expectation* Psychology Today: The Power of Hope* hope is an emotion that springs from the heart, not the brain* a sheer belief that you will overcome, you will persevere and you will endure anything and everything that comes your way.* Hope is the belief that circumstances will get better. It's not a wish for things to get better — it's the actual belief, the knowledge that things will get better, no matter how big or small* To have hope is to empower yourself in order to face the toughest of times and emerge a survivor.* These things engender hope:* Faith* Gratitude* Love* The Difference Between Expectation and Hope* Brainy Quotes* Emily Dickinson. Hope is the thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tunes without the words and never stops it all.* Aristotle – Hope is a waking dream* Benjamin Franklin – He that lives on hope will die fasting. (Kind of the opposite of what we talked about today.)*  Extreme hopes are born from extreme misery Bertrand Russell* Eric’s daughter wrote underneath it,  Don't ignore your problems. Don't stare and glare. Create a great hope. * Robert Green Ingersoll: Hope is the only bee that makes honey without flowers.







Readings and Links



Eric opened with a reading from In All Our Affairs, Chapter 10, “Love and Forgiveness: Steps Ten Eleven and Twelve”.



We also read from Courage to Change, September 14, again from In All Our Affairs, page 28, and One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, April 3.



Links to the webpages we talked about are in the text above.



Near the end, Eric recommends this article: Deepak Chopra explains how mindfulness could help us survive the coronavirus crisis



Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is boundaries. These days, I'm finding that setting and observing good boundaries is increasingly important to my peace of mind. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Natasha Bedingfield – Hope





The Chainsmokers – Don't Let Me Down





John Prine – Angel From Montgomery






]]> The Recovery Show 328 328 full false 1:18:38 Fear – 327 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/fear-327/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/fear-327/#comments Fri, 10 Apr 2020 03:39:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5542 What do you fear? What tools do you use to let go of, move through, and live with fear? Barb joins me to talk about fear. We had scheduled this conversation before the Corona Virus pandemic was declared, but it seems so appropriate now. We roughly followed this outline. What fears did you have before...

The post Fear – 327 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/fear-327/feed/ 2 What do you fear? What tools do you use to let go of, move through, and live with fear? Barb joins me to talk about fear. We had scheduled this conversation before the Corona Virus pandemic was declared, but it seems so appropriate now. What do you fear? What tools do you use to let go of, move through, and live with fear?



Barb joins me to talk about fear. We had scheduled this conversation before the Corona Virus pandemic was declared, but it seems so appropriate now. We roughly followed this outline.



* What fears did you have before you came into a recovery program?* Fear of success* Fear of failure* Fear of being uncomfortable while afraid* Fear of authority figures (both real and perceived)* Fear of angry people. (both angry in the moment but also “explosive”)* Fear of disapproval* Fear of others’ discomfort* Fear of not being valued* Fear of might be* How did these fears manifest in you? * In your actions or inactions?* In your feelings?* In your mood?* Panic attacks.* Don’t ask for needs. Don’t ask for help.* How did you deal with your fears then?* What has changed in recovery?* How do you understand fear?* What fears do you have now?* Are they more “realistic”? More specific? More actionable?* How do you “deal with” fear now?* Slogans?







Readings and Links



Barb read from Strengthening My Recovery: Meditations for Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families, June 11. Pg. 169: Fear; and The Language of Letting Go, by Melodie Beattie (author of Codependent No More and Beyond Codependency: Jan. 10, pg. 10: Fear.



Upcoming topics



What are your meetings like now? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Jason Isbell – If It Takes a Lifetime





Brandi Carlile – The Eye





Kacey Musgraves – Rainbow






]]> The Recovery Show 327 327 full false 1:47:38 Dual Program Members – 326 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/dual-program-members-326/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/dual-program-members-326/#respond Wed, 01 Apr 2020 05:41:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5520 Are you a member of more than one recovery program? How do you balance them? How do they support each other? Listeners and members of more than one recovery program share their experience. We hear from members of Al-Anon Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Overeaters Anonymous (OA) Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) Adult Children of Alcoholics...

The post Dual Program Members – 326 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/04/dual-program-members-326/feed/ 0 Are you a member of more than one recovery program? How do you balance them? How do they support each other? Listeners and members of more than one recovery program share their experience. We hear from members of Al-Anon Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) Overe... Are you a member of more than one recovery program? How do you balance them? How do they support each other?



Listeners and members of more than one recovery program share their experience. We hear from members of



* Al-Anon* Alcoholics Anonymous (AA)* Overeaters Anonymous (OA)* Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)* Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA)* Codependents Anonymous (CODA)* Debtors Anonymous



They share how their programs meet different needs and aspects of their recovery. How they support each other.



My thanks to all of you for your honesty, openness, and courage.







Readings and Links



I read from a pamphlet Al-Anon Spoken Here



Gina set a copy of the CODA Patterns and Characteristics 2011Download



Matthew sent an infographic, 9 Tips for Coping With Social DistancingDownload



MaryLou sent links to articles about recovery and connection during “social distancing” and isolation.



With Meetings Banned, Millions Struggle to Stay Sober On Their Own (NY Times)



As Life Moves Online, an Older Generation Faces a Digital Divide (Ny Times)



8 tips for hosting the perfect virtual hangout (The Lily)



Eating alone, together: Virtual dinner parties are helping people fight isolation (Washington Post)



The new sound of worship services: ‘Can you mute your mic? Amen.’ (Washington Post)



Gina told us about an ACA podcast, Tuesday Toolbox and the ACA promises.



Upcoming topics



We are still asking about your meeting format. And maybe now, how has it changed as it moves online? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Sinéad O'Connor – Feel So Different





Jess Glynne – No One





Maren Morris – My Church










]]> The Recovery Show 326 326 full false 1:28:37 Recovery in a time of Isolation – 325 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/recovery-in-a-time-of-isolation-325/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/recovery-in-a-time-of-isolation-325/#respond Thu, 26 Mar 2020 12:32:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5508 Are you “sheltering in place”? How are you able to participate in recovery when you can’t meet face to face with other members? Spencer and Marylou discuss how they are experiencing recovery during this time of isolation and “sheltering in place” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Our conversation was sparked by an email that Marylou sent...

The post Recovery in a time of Isolation – 325 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/recovery-in-a-time-of-isolation-325/feed/ 0 Are you “sheltering in place”? How are you able to participate in recovery when you can’t meet face to face with other members? Spencer and Marylou discuss how they are experiencing recovery during this time of isolation and “sheltering in place” durin... Are you “sheltering in place”? How are you able to participate in recovery when you can’t meet face to face with other members?



Spencer and Marylou discuss how they are experiencing recovery during this time of isolation and “sheltering in place” during the COVID-19 pandemic. Our conversation was sparked by an email that Marylou sent with these ideas.



* Alcoholism is a disease of isolation, which in the current situation, is being forced upon us all.* Some of those at highest risk for the virus are also at the highest risk for social isolation.* These individuals may also lack experience with and/or fear technology.* It would be an act of service for those with enough recovery (or bandwidth), on a regular basis,  to reach out to those individuals in your groups who don’t have a smart phone or computer access.* It could also be an act of service to help a person new to technology work their way through installing and using an app to access a meeting via their phone or computer.* We are all going to have to lower our standards a bit – e-meetings may not be the same as in-person meetings but the question I’ve been asking myself is: are they good enough for the current situation? My experience thus far is yes, they’re not the same but good enough.* If, in the past, you have been deeply uncomfortable with what seemed like the “perils of technology”, maybe this crisis is presenting us with an opportunity to do the steps on this issue. I have found that there’s almost no problem or situation that can’t benefit from using the 12 steps to explore.* In meetings, we sometimes joke about our own unwillingness to try new things or think in new ways. This crisis presents us all with an opportunity to work the program using our principles.



At the end, several listeners wrote and called with their own thoughts, experience, strength, and hope about online meetings and how they are living through this moment.



Readings and Links



Marylou chose two readings from Hope for Today, an Al-Anon daily reader: January 30 and February 8.



Matthew sent us an infographic with 9 Tips for Coping With Social DistancingDownload



Upcoming topics



Upcoming topics include the experiences of dual-program members, and how do you practice the 12 steps as an atheist or agnostic? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 325 325 full false 1:33:05 Fear and Anxiety – 324 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/fear-and-anxiety-324/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/fear-and-anxiety-324/#comments Fri, 20 Mar 2020 21:28:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5503 In a recent online meeting, the almost unanimous choice of topic was fear and anxiety. We were all feeling it in one way or another. We started with a reading from Courage to Change, January 10. It talks about “mental static” of worry, and then says “I'm learning to focus all my attention on this...

The post Fear and Anxiety – 324 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/fear-and-anxiety-324/feed/ 4 In a recent online meeting, the almost unanimous choice of topic was fear and anxiety. We were all feeling it in one way or another. We started with a reading from Courage to Change, January 10. It talks about “mental static” of worry, In a recent online meeting, the almost unanimous choice of topic was fear and anxiety. We were all feeling it in one way or another. We started with a reading from Courage to Change, January 10. It talks about “mental static” of worry, and then says “I'm learning to focus all my attention on this very moment.”



Members on the call expressed different fears that they were experiencing, and different sources of anxiety. Of course, the corona virus situation is present for all of us, on top of whatever is going on in our individual lives. And we are each meeting our anxiety in different ways.



We who are in recovery have spent, in some cases, years developing the ability to “let go and let God”; to focus on the present moment; to put “first things first”; to know that we need only “do the next right thing”; and to find gratitude in the midst of chaos and uncertainty. I can take a moment to appreciate the beauty of the natural world, and for that to lift me, however briefly, from my fears.



This short episode was recorded on my phone, sitting in my car outside my parents' house. The photo above is a view from their property.
]]> The Recovery Show 324 324 full false 10:18 Josh R – Recovery Dharma – 323 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/josh-r-recovery-dharma-323/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/josh-r-recovery-dharma-323/#respond Tue, 17 Mar 2020 02:46:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5445 Do you struggle with the God language in the 12 steps? Josh did. His inability to fully engage with the steps was probably a factor in his relapses. Josh talks with us about a couple of recovery programs based on Buddhist principles, centered on meditative practices. These programs are Recovery Dharma and Refuge Recovery. Our...

The post Josh R – Recovery Dharma – 323 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/josh-r-recovery-dharma-323/feed/ 0 Do you struggle with the God language in the 12 steps? Josh did. His inability to fully engage with the steps was probably a factor in his relapses. Josh talks with us about a couple of recovery programs based on Buddhist principles, Do you struggle with the God language in the 12 steps? Josh did. His inability to fully engage with the steps was probably a factor in his relapses.



Josh talks with us about a couple of recovery programs based on Buddhist principles, centered on meditative practices. These programs are Recovery Dharma and Refuge Recovery.



Our discussion was wide-ranging, centered on these topics:



* What is a meeting like?* How did you come to these programs?* How are they similar to 12-step recovery programs?* Both have group settings where members share.* Both have an underlying spiritual practice.* Recovery Dharma/Refuge Recovery have “inquiries” — similar to inventory* Mentors (like sponsor)* Literature* Speakers in AA / Teachers in Dharma* Endorsement / encouragement from recovery programs (e.g. court papers)* How do they differ?* Spiritual foundation is different.* Recovery Dharma incorporates some modern psychology elements. Especially in dealing with trauma.* Do you have to be Buddhist to participate? * How do they speak to you / support you in your own recovery?* Would this recovery program be helpful to someone whose primary problem is co-dependency? 







Readings and Links



Josh read from the AA book Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, page 98.



Recovery Dharma website.



Refuge Recovery website.



Upcoming topics



A listener asked for a topic about how atheists, agnostics, and people with other spiritual programs can work the 12 steps. Can you share your experience? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Oh Wonder – Landslide





The Paper Kites – Bloom





Juan D'arienzo – Paciencia
]]> The Recovery Show 310 310 full false 1:05:21 Online meetings https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/online-meetings/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/online-meetings/#comments Sun, 15 Mar 2020 14:41:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5438 As we are moving into a time of social distancing, where many of our meeting places are closing down, but also when we may be feeling anxious, confused, and scared, we still need meetings. My Saturday morning meeting met this morning online and by phone using the BlueJeans service. This service has both video and...

The post Online meetings appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/online-meetings/feed/ 21 As we are moving into a time of social distancing, where many of our meeting places are closing down, but also when we may be feeling anxious, confused, and scared, we still need meetings. My Saturday morning meeting met this morning online and by phon... As we are moving into a time of social distancing, where many of our meeting places are closing down, but also when we may be feeling anxious, confused, and scared, we still need meetings.



My Saturday morning meeting met this morning online and by phone using the BlueJeans service. This service has both video and phone capability. This morning, I started out on video, but when it became clear that the internet in my parents' house was not sufficient for video, it was quite easy to switch to phone and stay in the call.



That got me thinking that I should put together a list of online resources for meetings. Here are the ones that I know about. Please comment below or send email to feedback@therecovery.show if you have others.



See the comments below for some other links!



Online meeting lists



* Al-Anon electronic and phone meetings* InTheRooms social networking site online Al-Anon meetings (choose “Others” in the drop down menu just below the heading “LIVE VIDEO MEETINGS CALENDAR”.* Another listener reminded me of phonemeetings.org, which lists many existing phone meetings.* A listener sent a link to a flyer for Al-Anon Without Borders, a series of Zoom speaker meetings hosted by members around the US on Saturday and Sunday March 28, 29 and April 4,5. This event is now over. Recordings of the speakers are available for download. Tom W (featured in episode 250 of The Recovery Show) spoke on Step 3, and Mary Pearl T (several episodes) also spoke. During the time of COVID, downloads are free, and there is an opportunity to make donations to support Al-Anon Without Borders. * Online Al-Anon Meetings in the Los Angeles area.* Some online recovery meetings in the Ann Arbor, MI area.* Colorado meetings: www.al-anon-co.org  Hover over members and then COVID 19 Pandemic and then click on Non Face to Face (Electronic Meetings) and then a document pops up to click on which lists electronic meetings for everyday of the week. * Northern California has several zoom meetings going on. If you visit www.scv-afg.org they are listed.* Here is a list of virtual meetings in the San Francisco Bay area, mostly the East Bay, with additional links to meetings in San Francisco, Marin, Los Angeles, and Al-Anon World Service.* A member in Liverpool writes: we have online Al Anon meetings everyday over zoom. Most of our meetings are around 6-7pm in the evening UK time, but we also have some lunch meetings. If anyone would like the meeting details please email: fromsurvivaltorecoverylpool@gmail.com* The Adult Children of Alcoholics website has a tool for finding online meetings.* A UK ACoA group (Adult Children of Alcoholics)  also has zoom meetings everyday at 7 pm UK time, and you can find out their meeting details by emailing acastrengthenmyrecovery@gmail.]]> The Recovery Show bonus false 4:10 Deborah C – Hands Off Pays Off – 322 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/deborah-c-hands-off-pays-off-322/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/deborah-c-hands-off-pays-off-322/#comments Thu, 12 Mar 2020 03:23:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5431 Although Deborah came from an alcoholic family, and married an alcoholic, she only came to Al-Anon when her son was having problems with alcohol and drugs. And only because a colleague told her of his experience with his son's problems. He didn't tell her what Al-Anon was about, he just said “go”. So she did....

The post Deborah C – Hands Off Pays Off – 322 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/deborah-c-hands-off-pays-off-322/feed/ 4 Although Deborah came from an alcoholic family, and married an alcoholic, she only came to Al-Anon when her son was having problems with alcohol and drugs. And only because a colleague told her of his experience with his son's problems. Although Deborah came from an alcoholic family, and married an alcoholic, she only came to Al-Anon when her son was having problems with alcohol and drugs. And only because a colleague told her of his experience with his son's problems. He didn't tell her what Al-Anon was about, he just said “go”. So she did.



When she was maybe 4 or 5, she felt it was her responsibility to make sure her drunk father got out of his chair and into his bed. When her sister started acting out, Deborah would answer the police call and drive to the station to bring her sister home. Deborah was 13 or 14 at the time (i.e., not legal to drive, yet). She married a man who was “just like” her father.



At her first meeting, a woman asked “do you love your son?” Upon being assured that Deborah did love her son, very much, the woman said “everything you are doing is killing him.” Deborah's mental reaction to this statement is not printable here.



Even after years in Al-Anon, she does “slip” and try to rescue her son. But, she is able to recover and let go, recognizing that her “help” is not actually helping him. She loves the slogan “Hands off pays off”, because it reminds her that only her son can achieve sobriety for himself. She can't give it to him.







Readings and Links



Deborah opened the show by reading from a “Letter from your higher power”, which you can find online at https://al-anon.org/blog/im-putting-son-care/.



At her first meeting, she was given a “newcomer packet”, which included a pamphlet “Three Views of Al-Anon–Alcoholics Speak to the Family” with a letter from the alcoholic.



Upcoming topics



I'm looking for shares on the topic of different kinds of meetings and different meeting formats. What is the format of your meeting(s)? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Kelly Clarkson – Sober





Kenny Chesney – Demons





Hillsong – I Surrender
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:22:44 Diana H – Born Into Crazy – 321 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/diana-h-born-into-crazy-321/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/diana-h-born-into-crazy-321/#comments Fri, 06 Mar 2020 03:39:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5421 Trigger warning: Diana's story includes some violent and abusive episodes from her childhood. You can skip forward to about 21:00 to avoid those descriptions. Diana H had a turbulent childhood. Her mother suffered from mental illness. Her house was full of alcohol, drugs, and violence. We talk about how her work in recovery has helped...

The post Diana H – Born Into Crazy – 321 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/03/diana-h-born-into-crazy-321/feed/ 1 Trigger warning: Diana's story includes some violent and abusive episodes from her childhood. You can skip forward to about 21:00 to avoid those descriptions. Diana H had a turbulent childhood. Her mother suffered from mental illness. Trigger warning: Diana's story includes some violent and abusive episodes from her childhood. You can skip forward to about 21:00 to avoid those descriptions.



Diana H had a turbulent childhood. Her mother suffered from mental illness. Her house was full of alcohol, drugs, and violence. We talk about how her work in recovery has helped her to a more serene, happy, and productive life. She wrote a book, titled Born into Crazy, and she reads an excerpt from the book for us.



Writing the book was part of her recovery from the traumas of her childhood. It helped her to face and to defuse the emotions in her memories, in combination with therapy and 12-step recovery.







Readings and Links



Diana's book, Born Into Crazy, is available from Amazon in paperback or Kindle formats.







Diana read from Codependents' Guild to the Twelve Steps by Melodie Beattie.



Jan asked about online meetings. The Al-Anon website lists online meetings. Another resource with meetings online is In The Rooms, which is a social site for people in all kinds of recovery.



Upcoming topics



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.



Music from the Show





George Harrison – Give Me Love (Give Me Peace On Earth)
]]> The Recovery Show full false 56:21 Surrender to Win – 320 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/surrender-to-win-320/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/surrender-to-win-320/#respond Tue, 25 Feb 2020 06:00:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5410 What does it mean to “Surrender to Win”? Have you had this experience? Barb and Spencer dig into these questions. How does this topic of “surrender to win” speak to you? A definition of surrender is “to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another” What have you given up completely? ...

The post Surrender to Win – 320 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/surrender-to-win-320/feed/ 0 What does it mean to “Surrender to Win”? Have you had this experience? Barb and Spencer dig into these questions. How does this topic of “surrender to win” speak to you? A definition of surrender is “to give up completely or agree to forgo especially i... What does it mean to “Surrender to Win”? Have you had this experience? Barb and Spencer dig into these questions.



* How does this topic of “surrender to win” speak to you?* A definition of surrender is “to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another”* What have you given up completely? * What have you forgone?* A definition of surrender that I have heard in recovery is “to join the winning side.” How does this change your concept of surrender?* What are some things I might (have) surrender(ed) in recovery* The illusion of control over alcoholism* My will (Step 3)* Always doing things “my way”* Forcing solutions* Trying to control outcomes * The idea that I can recover alone * “self-sufficient hell”* The wish to change the past — what happened in family growing up.* Perfection * What do I surrender to?* This program of recovery.* The care of my higher power.* God’s will. * How has surrender given me “the win”?







Readings and Links



We read from



Adult Children of Alcoholics, the “Big Red Book,” p. 120



Hope for Today, April 7, p. 98



How Al-Anon Works, p. 46-47



From Survival to Recovery, p. 267



We mentioned the episode on perfection, procrastination and paralysis, number 219.



Playlists for many of The Recovery Show episodes can be found on Spotify.



Upcoming topics



Are you a member of 2 or more programs? How do your programs complement each other? How are they different? How do you keep them separate? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope.







Music from the Show





John Moreland – Latchkey Kid





The Avett Brothers – Tell The Truth





The Avett Brothers – True Sadness





Spotify Playlist for Surrender to Win
]]> The Recovery Show 280 280 full false 1:24:37 More voices – your sharing – 319 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/more-voices-your-sharing-319/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/more-voices-your-sharing-319/#respond Thu, 20 Feb 2020 04:00:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5403 Sharing experience, strength, and hope in your voices. Thoughts on apologies and amends. A mother wants to help her adult son who drinks too much. A survivor muses on the possible benefits of trauma. What is this detachment thing, anyway? Learning to talk, trust, and feel when the family “training” was “don't talk, don't trust,...

The post More voices – your sharing – 319 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/more-voices-your-sharing-319/feed/ 0 Sharing experience, strength, and hope in your voices. Thoughts on apologies and amends. A mother wants to help her adult son who drinks too much. A survivor muses on the possible benefits of trauma. What is this detachment thing, anyway? Sharing experience, strength, and hope in your voices.



* Thoughts on apologies and amends.* A mother wants to help her adult son who drinks too much.* A survivor muses on the possible benefits of trauma.* What is this detachment thing, anyway?* Learning to talk, trust, and feel when the family “training” was “don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.”* Thoughts and experience inspired by episode 318, A Walk in the Woods on a Snowy Day — the healing force of nature, how our higher power speaks to us, and the power of memory.* Recovery from anger and loss.* Compassion – finding it.* Loved one in rehab / coming home from rehab. How to deal?* Sharing on changes, Steps 10 and 11, and “First things first.”* 3 acronyms for FEAR.







Readings and Links



Listener shares brought up so many past episodes:



* Parents Roundtable – 22* Compassion – 33* Step 9, Amends – 40* Chaos – 45* Changes – 47* Step 10 – 48* Step 11 – 50* First things First – 51* Relapse – 59* Detachment – 64* Living with Alcoholism or Addiction – 70* Powerlessness and Power – 160* My Codependency, My Body – 204* Mary Pearl T on Step 1 – 259* Marc and Michele’s son is in prison – 287* Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302* Being Heard – 313



Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is “surrender”. What does surrender mean to you? How has surrendering given you power? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





blink-182 – Not Now
]]> The Recovery Show 319 319 full false 54:30 A Walk in the Woods on a Snowy Day — 318 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/a-walk-in-the-woods-on-a-snowy-day-318/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/a-walk-in-the-woods-on-a-snowy-day-318/#respond Mon, 10 Feb 2020 23:54:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5393 Saturday morning, I awoke to fresh snow. I had a fairly hectic and noisy time going to the gym, getting ready for the day, etc. Then I stepped out into a lovely, hushed silence. I decided I needed more of that, and later went to a nature area for a walk in the woods. I...

The post A Walk in the Woods on a Snowy Day — 318 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/a-walk-in-the-woods-on-a-snowy-day-318/feed/ 0 Saturday morning, I awoke to fresh snow. I had a fairly hectic and noisy time going to the gym, getting ready for the day, etc. Then I stepped out into a lovely, hushed silence. I decided I needed more of that, Saturday morning, I awoke to fresh snow. I had a fairly hectic and noisy time going to the gym, getting ready for the day, etc. Then I stepped out into a lovely, hushed silence. I decided I needed more of that, and later went to a nature area for a walk in the woods. I share a brief reflection on what I found there.



















Upcoming topics



An upcoming topic is “dual program members.” If you are in a program other than Al-Anon (plus Al-Anon), I'd love to hear your experience. How do the programs complement each other? How are they different? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 1 1 318 318 full false 7:08 Peggy G – Speaker – 317 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/peggy-g-speaker-317/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/peggy-g-speaker-317/#comments Wed, 05 Feb 2020 03:38:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5387 Today, I’m sharing with you a talk by Peggy G. I hope you’ll enjoy Peggy’s sense of humor as much as I did. Peggy talks about feeling rejected as a child and about getting married early after “finding love in the back seat of a Ford.” She felt she had a “hole in her gut”...

The post Peggy G – Speaker – 317 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/02/peggy-g-speaker-317/feed/ 1 Today, I’m sharing with you a talk by Peggy G. I hope you’ll enjoy Peggy’s sense of humor as much as I did. Peggy talks about feeling rejected as a child and about getting married early after “finding love in the back seat of a Ford. Today, I’m sharing with you a talk by Peggy G.



I hope you’ll enjoy Peggy’s sense of humor as much as I did. Peggy talks about feeling rejected as a child and about getting married early after “finding love in the back seat of a Ford.” She felt she had a “hole in her gut” and tried many things to fill it (booze didn’t do the trick for her.)



She speaks of, for the first time, being desperate enough to make “a sincere prayer to the God I didn’t understand.” Eventually, she found her second husband, “Mr. Wonderful”. Of course, he was an alcoholic. I’m sure some of you will identify with each of the things she did to try to get him to stop drinking. And when she felt “I wish [he’d] just get, just get dead somewhere without hurting anybody else.” You may be right there with her when she hit her bottom after an emotional blackout. 



But of course, that’s not the end of her story, it’s the beginning of the rest of it. I had tears in my eyes when she described finding compassion for her daddy and making amends to him as he lay in his coffin.



Readings and Links



On February 14 and 15, 2020, from 8AM – Midnight EST, there will be a “Marathon of Recovery Stories”. I have included an image of the flyer below. Here is the contact information from the flyer:



Dial-in number in the US: (425)436-6200, access code 280194#



International dial in numbers can be found at https://fccdl.in/i/meganbbsolution9



Join the meeting online at http://join.freeconferencecall.com/meganbbsolution9



If you have questions, email megan.bbsolution@gmail.com







A listener asked about our business cards. You can print these out and share them with your friends. And if you forget how to find them, you can just click on the link under “Our Stuff”, to the right (if you're on a computer) or below (if you're on a phone.)



Upcoming topics



‘m still welcoming shares by “dual program members”. If you are in another twelve step program, please share your experience. How do the programs support each other or conflict? How do you (or don't you) share that part of your life in Al-Anon meetings?  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 317 317 full false 1:45:41 Men in Al-Anon – 316 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/316-men-in-alanon/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/316-men-in-alanon/#respond Wed, 29 Jan 2020 07:23:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5380 Men are a minority in Al-Anon. Is this a problem? An asset? What is your experience? Join Spencer and several guests, both men and women, as we share our experience. Some of the topics we address are these: What is your experience as a man in Al-Anon?  What difficulties and challenges have you experienced? Did...

The post Men in Al-Anon – 316 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/316-men-in-alanon/feed/ 0 Men are a minority in Al-Anon. Is this a problem? An asset? What is your experience? Join Spencer and several guests, both men and women, as we share our experience. Some of the topics we address are these: What is your experience as a man in Al-Anon? Men are a minority in Al-Anon. Is this a problem? An asset? What is your experience?



Join Spencer and several guests, both men and women, as we share our experience.



Some of the topics we address are these:



* What is your experience as a man in Al-Anon? * What difficulties and challenges have you experienced?* Did you feel you didn’t belong?* Or do you feel perfectly comfortable and accepted?* Were you able to find a sponsor?* What boundaries have you set for yourself with members of the “opposite sex?” (Recognizing that not all people fit comfortably into the gender binary.)* Does the presence of men in a meeting inhibit you from sharing or does it enhance your experience?







Readings and Links



A listener asked about the experience of atheists in Al-Anon. I remembered listening to an interview on the Sober Speak podcast with an AA member who leads an Atheist AA meeting.



Upcoming topics



I'm still welcoming shares by “dual program members”. If you are in another twelve step program, please share your experience. How do the programs support each other or conflict? How do you (or don't you) share that part of your life in Al-Anon meetings? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Indigo Girls – Closer to Fine





Trixie Mattel – Moving Parts




]]> The Recovery Show 316 316 full false 1:07:01 Belonging — 315 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/belonging-315/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/belonging-315/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2020 05:44:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5370 The only requirement for membership in Al-Anon is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. How many other groups are so inclusive? How does this help you? How is this a challenge for you? Today is MLK day, the celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday. Perhaps naturally, my...

The post Belonging — 315 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/belonging-315/feed/ 0 The only requirement for membership in Al-Anon is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. How many other groups are so inclusive? How does this help you? How is this a challenge for you? Today is MLK day, the celebration of Dr. The only requirement for membership in Al-Anon is that there is a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend. How many other groups are so inclusive? How does this help you? How is this a challenge for you?



Today is MLK day, the celebration of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday. Perhaps naturally, my thoughts turned to the ideas of inclusion, diversity, and belonging. And from there, to how inclusive the Al-Anon program is. Our third tradition says, in part, “The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”



* What did this mean for me when I first came to Al-Anon?* How have I seen this tradition work for others when they first come to Al-Anon?* How does the diversity of experience and opinion support my recovery?* Can I recognize our similarities instead of focusing on our differences?* How do I know that I belong in my Al-Anon groups?



Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, July 4, and How Al-Anon Works, Chapters 16 & 44.



A listener shared her recovery Spotify playlist.









Upcoming topics



Our topic for next week is “in all our affairs”. How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





Jess Glynne – I'll Be There





Pat Benatar – We Belong





Steve Winwood – Higher Love
]]> The Recovery Show 315 315 full false 49:58 Integrity – 314 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/integrity-314/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/integrity-314/#respond Tue, 14 Jan 2020 06:05:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5366 What is integrity and what does it have to do with recovery? Definitions the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness the state of being whole and undivided “the root of integrity is about doing the right thing even when it’s not acknowledged by others, or convenient for you.” (Psychology Today...

The post Integrity – 314 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/integrity-314/feed/ 0 What is integrity and what does it have to do with recovery? Definitions the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness the state of being whole and undivided “the root of integrity is about doing the right thing even... What is integrity and what does it have to do with recovery?



* Definitions* the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness* the state of being whole and undivided* “the root of integrity is about doing the right thing even when it’s not acknowledged by others, or convenient for you.” (Psychology Today article)* “In ethics, integrity is regarded as the honesty and truthfulness or accuracy of one's actions.” (Wikipedia)* In episode 101, I said that for me, having integrity means that “I act in all things according to my true self. I state my beliefs honestly and openly.”



Recently, I was thinking about this topic, and also about how I have not lived with integrity. And then, I thought about how practicing the 12 steps has brought me closer to living with integrity in all my affairs. What are some of the ways in which I did not practice integrity?



* Denial vs acceptance. When I deny the truth of reality, I am not being honest with myself, no matter how much more comfortable that denial might make me.* Pretending to be someone I am not, to believe something I don’t, to not have an opinion that I have. Typically I would do this because I thought if I was honest about my thoughts and beliefs, you wouldn’t like me or I would offend you.* Volunteering to do something that I didn’t want to do. And then doing a bad job at it.



How did recovery help me live with more integrity?



* Breaking denial, especially about the alcoholism in my family.* Teaching me how to accept with grace, and that acceptance does not mean condoning.* That “searching and fearless moral inventory” brought me greater clarity about who I am, how I act, and what I believe.* I can ask a power greater than myself for help in changing!* Teaching me to set boundaries, so I only “sign up” for the things I can actually accomplish.







Readings and Links



We read from



Courage to Change, December 10



How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 16 Twelve Traditions, Tradition 12



Upcoming topics



We are interested in your sharing on two topics



* Being a man in Al-Anon.* Being a dual member (also known as “double winner.”)



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 314 314 full false 47:15 Being Heard – 313 https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/being-heard-313/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/being-heard-313/#respond Thu, 09 Jan 2020 07:51:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5358 Is your voice heard, even when others disagree? Why is it important that everyone has an opportunity to be heard? How do you practice listening in your life? Meetings? Family? Work? Concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” Spencer and Eric share how this concept...

The post Being Heard – 313 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2020/01/being-heard-313/feed/ 0 Is your voice heard, even when others disagree? Why is it important that everyone has an opportunity to be heard? How do you practice listening in your life? Meetings? Family? Work? Concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities... Is your voice heard, even when others disagree? Why is it important that everyone has an opportunity to be heard? How do you practice listening in your life? Meetings? Family? Work?



Concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” Spencer and Eric share how this concept can be applied in our lives, as well as in our meetings.



* Definitions.* “Listening intently is the ultimate form of love.”* Listen – give one’s attention to a sound; take notice of; act on what someone says; pay attention; take heed; take notice; be alert and ready to hear something.* Speaking out or up – express one’s feelings and opinions frankly and publicly* People in the rooms can take a long time to speak up, to feel safe to speak* It’s ok to have an opinion, even when it differs from others’* Two largest fears: 1. Public speaking. 2. Death (is second!)* Aspects of practicing Concept 5:* Balance* Listening* “Do we grant other people the time to say what they need to day, to clarify their thoughts, even to say things we don’t like to hear?” (HAW Chapter 14)* Respect* Open minded* Trust* A right to have a say* Speaking up* Saying what I feel* Letting go of my certainty that I am right!* My opinion does matter, but it is mine alone.* Am I speaking my opinion or trying to control others? “If we keep saying the same thing again and again, instead of saying it once and letting it go, we are probably attempting to control.” (How Al-Anon Works, Concept 5)* How do we use this concept in our group conscience meetings?* Slogans:* Listen and Learn* Keep an Open Mind* Think* “You may be right” (it *should* be a slogan!)* WAIT – “Why am I talking?” – pause!* The orange story – fully understanding each others’ needs can lead to a better solution.* Topics from Reaching for Personal Freedom* I have a voice* Finding the courage to speak* Learning to speak honestly* Seeing from a different angle* Understanding another point of view* The right to be heard







Readings and Links



We read from



Reaching for Personal Freedom



Upcoming topics



We are interested in your sharing on two topics



* Being a man in Al-Anon.* Being a dual member (also known as “double winner.”)



How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





John Mayer – Say





Sarah McLachlan – Find Your Voice





Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb
]]> The Recovery Show 313 313 full false 1:36:26 Bill W with Lois W, Ebby T, Sister Ignatius and Mort J — 312 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/bill-w-with-lois-w-ebby-t-sister-ignatius-and-mort-j-312/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/bill-w-with-lois-w-ebby-t-sister-ignatius-and-mort-j-312/#respond Tue, 31 Dec 2019 03:35:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5304 I'm pleased to share this recording of Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, speaking at the AA International Convention in Long Beach, CA, in 1960. The recording includes brief remarks by Lois Wilson, co-founder of Al-Anon; Ebby T, who introduced Bill to the Oxford groups; and Sister Ignatia, an early supporter of AA, who cared for...

The post Bill W with Lois W, Ebby T, Sister Ignatius and Mort J — 312 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/bill-w-with-lois-w-ebby-t-sister-ignatius-and-mort-j-312/feed/ 0 I'm pleased to share this recording of Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, speaking at the AA International Convention in Long Beach, CA, in 1960. The recording includes brief remarks by Lois Wilson, co-founder of Al-Anon; Ebby T, I'm pleased to share this recording of Bill Wilson, co-founder of AA, speaking at the AA International Convention in Long Beach, CA, in 1960. The recording includes brief remarks by Lois Wilson, co-founder of Al-Anon; Ebby T, who introduced Bill to the Oxford groups; and Sister Ignatia, an early supporter of AA, who cared for thousands of alcoholics in Akron, Ohio. He is followed by Mort J, who established the first public AA meeting in Los Angeles.



I have tried to clean up the recording as best I can, but it is still difficult to follow in spots. The event must have been outside, because you will hear an occasional airplane flying over.



Links and resources



A listener mentioned looking for an ACA phone meeting, which can be found on the ACA website.



Upcoming topics



Next week, Eric and I will be discussing Concept 5, “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” Eric recently participated in a meeting studying this concept and was inspired by the depth of sharing. What might this concept mean in your daily living? In your interaction with others? In your family or work?



We are also interested in your sharing on two topics



* Being a man in Al-Anon. * Being a “double winner.”



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 312 312 full false 1:47:41 Holiday Toolkit – 311 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/holiday-toolkit-311/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/holiday-toolkit-311/#comments Tue, 24 Dec 2019 05:57:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5291 What’s in your holiday toolkit? Do you dread spending holidays with family? What tools have you found to make the experience tolerable or even joyful? (Realistic) expectations. Recognize when you are feeling stressed (HALTS?) Escape plans. Literature. Locate and plan to attend meetings if you will be out of your usual area. Phone list. Arrange...

The post Holiday Toolkit – 311 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/holiday-toolkit-311/feed/ 1 What’s in your holiday toolkit? Do you dread spending holidays with family? What tools have you found to make the experience tolerable or even joyful? (Realistic) expectations. Recognize when you are feeling stressed (HALTS?) Escape plans. Literature. What’s in your holiday toolkit? Do you dread spending holidays with family? What tools have you found to make the experience tolerable or even joyful?



* (Realistic) expectations.* Recognize when you are feeling stressed (HALTS?)* Escape plans.* Literature.* Locate and plan to attend meetings if you will be out of your usual area.* Phone list.* Arrange with sponsor or friends to call them.* Don’t stay with your family — have a refuge you can go back to.* Sit at the kids table.* Don’t engage in arguments. (WAIT — Why am I talking?)* (No) expectations.* Keep your recovery routines, such as prayer and meditation.







Readings and Links



Al-Anon e-books can are available. Visit the Al-Anon store for details.



A caller described several resources for visually impaired or blind people. These are



* BARD, a free app available from the Library of Congress .* Voice Dream Reader, $20, downloads and reads websites.* iPhone has a service called “voice over” that can read books purchased for iBooks.* BookShare is a subscription service that has many audio books.* And, of course, there is the Audible audio books subscription service.



Upcoming topics



A couple of topics suggested by listeners are “Men in Al-Anon”, and “Double winnersPlease call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the Show





The Ramones – We're a Happy Family





Joan Baez and Jeffrey Shurtleff – One Day at a Time (Live at Woodstock)





Bing Crosby – I'll Be Home For Christmas




]]> The Recovery Show 311 311 full false 1:04:37 Your voices — 310 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/your-voices-310/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/your-voices-310/#respond Wed, 11 Dec 2019 18:43:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5277 This episode is created by your voices, both written and recorded. Sam asks why some members shy away from service, while she finds it a vital part of her recovery. Penelope and Jessica found value in Episode 308, Program Tools. Natalie asks for some experience, strength, and hope, living with active alcoholism while maintaining a...

The post Your voices — 310 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/your-voices-310/feed/ 0 This episode is created by your voices, both written and recorded. Sam asks why some members shy away from service, while she finds it a vital part of her recovery. Penelope and Jessica found value in Episode 308, Program Tools. This episode is created by your voices, both written and recorded.



* Sam asks why some members shy away from service, while she finds it a vital part of her recovery.* Penelope and Jessica found value in Episode 308, Program Tools.* Natalie asks for some experience, strength, and hope, living with active alcoholism while maintaining a healthy relationship. Ann has similar questions, including how to keep the children safe, and what does detaching with love look like?* Sarah talks about the slogan “little by slow,” which I was not familiar with, and how it reminds her that recovery takes time.* A listener asked about the missing download link, which I have restored. It now looks like a little cloud with a downward pointing arrow.* Amy asks about Al-Anon e-books. There are 5 books currently available, and I hope that Al-Anon will add more. They are available via the Al-Anon website store.* How Al-Anon Works* Courage to Change* Having had a Spiritual Awakening* The Forum (monthly magazine)* Alateen—Hope for Children of Alcoholics* Free versions of the AA Big Book are available for Apple and Android.* Christa reminds us that “This too shall pass” also applies to the good things, which encourages her to enjoy every moment.* Alina shares her experience using the Serenity Prayer in daily life.



My thanks to all of you for helping me to create this episode.



Upcoming topics



A listener suggested the topic “Men in Al-Anon”. I'd particularly like to hear your experience as a man in Al-Anon recovery.



I am also preparing an episode tentatively titled “Holiday Toolkit”, and I'm looking to you to contribute the tools that you use to survive, or ideally, enjoy the holidays.



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 310 310 full false 31:09 Gratitude 2019 – 309 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/5032/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/5032/#respond Tue, 03 Dec 2019 05:09:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5032 Every year around Thanksgiving, I give special attention to the things that I am grateful for. This is my list for 2019. This year I created an "A to Z" gratitude list. Most of these are gifts I got from this program of recovery.

The post Gratitude 2019 – 309 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/12/5032/feed/ 0 Every year around Thanksgiving, I give special attention to the things that I am grateful for. This is my list for 2019. This year I created an "A to Z" gratitude list. Most of these are gifts I got from this program of recovery. Every year around Thanksgiving, I give special attention to the things that I am grateful for. This is my list for 2019. This year I created an “A to Z” gratitude list. Most of these are gifts I got from this program of recovery.



* A – Acceptance* B – Boundaries* C – Courage* D – Dogs* E – Empathy* F – Friends* G – God (and gratitude)* H – Health* I – It works (if I work it)* J – Joy* K – Kindness* L – Life, laughter, and love* M – Mindfulness* N – Necessity* O – Openness* P – Perspective* Q – Questions* R – Readiness* S – Serenity and the Steps* T – Trust* U – Understanding* V – Vulnerability* W – Wisdom* X – eXcitement* Y – Youth* Z – Zest (for life)



To hear why and how I am grateful for each of these, you need to listen to the episode.
]]> The Recovery Show 309 309 full false 30:44 Our Program Tools – 308 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/our-program-tools-308/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/our-program-tools-308/#comments Fri, 22 Nov 2019 13:06:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5026 The Al-Anon program provides so many tools. There are slogans and steps, and new ways of approaching life’s troubles. Which ones do you use comfortably? Are there any you wish you had used, but didn’t remember to pick them up? Marylou, Pat, and Kelly join me to talk about their favorite tools of the program.

The post Our Program Tools – 308 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/our-program-tools-308/feed/ 2 The Al-Anon program provides so many tools. There are slogans and steps, and new ways of approaching life’s troubles. Which ones do you use comfortably? Are there any you wish you had used, but didn’t remember to pick them up? Marylou, Pat, The Al-Anon program provides so many tools. There are slogans and steps, and new ways of approaching life’s troubles. Which ones do you use comfortably? Are there any you wish you had used, but didn’t remember to pick them up?



Marylou, Pat, and Kelly join me to talk about their favorite tools of the program, and how they have used those tools to enhance their recovery. Our conversation was guided by these questions:



* Discussion points



* What tool of the Al-Anon program is helpful to you today?* How is it helpful?* How do you use it?* What tools have you used? * In what situation?* In response to what problem?* How did they help in that situation?* Do you have tools that you use with ease?* What are they?* How did you pack them in your toolkit?* What tools do you wish you could remember to use, but they aren’t yet familiar or comfortable for you? * How might you remind yourself that they are available, so you might be able to use them next time you need them?



In our conversation, these tools were mentioned and discussed:



*



* Daily readers – One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, Courage to Change, Hope for Today.* Slogans – “pocket change”, “live and let live”, “let go and let god”* Meditation* Can i stay “in the room” at least ½ the time?* Do I feel better when i finish?* Just checking in with myself — getting into the moment* Sitting with feelings* Meetings* Fellowship* Literature in general* Serenity Prayer – internal pause to connect with my Higher Power* “Just for Tonight” bookmark* Calling people* “This is what I want, this is what I need, this is what I feel, this is what I’ll do.”* Pause — is a tool for finding the right tool* Asking, “what is the percent likelihood of serenity if I do this thing?”* Meditation apps on phone* Insight Timer* Sounds True — Mindfulness Daily meditation training, also available for Android and iPhone. * “Help, thanks, wow” prayer concept* R.A.I.N  — recognize, accept, investigate, nurture (a tool from Tara Brock)* My sponsor!



Readings and Links



We read from Courage to Change, January 4.



Upcoming topics



I'd like to do another “holiday toolkit” episode, and for this, I need your help. What program tools help you to survive the holidays with (or without) your family? What mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical preparations do you make? What do you bring with you? Do you go to extra meetings? What readings help you to do more than just survive, but enjoy the holidays?



It's almost Thanksgiving. What are you grateful for today? This year?



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 308 308 full false 1:30:17 Aaron J — It’s not about me — 307 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/aaron-j-its-not-about-me-307/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/aaron-j-its-not-about-me-307/#comments Tue, 12 Nov 2019 05:40:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5018 Today, I am pleased to share with you a talk by Aaron J, speaking in 2012. I identified with his certainty that it was his “job” in life to take care of everyone around him. I share his frustration when those same people didn’t do what he knew was best for them.

The post Aaron J — It’s not about me — 307 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/11/aaron-j-its-not-about-me-307/feed/ 1 Today, I am pleased to share with you a talk by Aaron J, speaking in 2012. I identified with his certainty that it was his “job” in life to take care of everyone around him. I share his frustration when those same people didn’t do what he knew was best... Today, I am pleased to share with you a talk by Aaron J, speaking in 2012. 



I identified with his certainty that it was his “job” in life to take care of everyone around him. I share his frustration when those same people didn’t do what he knew was best for them. He got in deep much more quickly than I did, but that may be more about opportunity than inclination.



Readings and Links



A listener wrote about the help she had gained from the book BALM: The Loving Path to Family Recovery by Beverly Buncher. She said, “It’s an extension of Al-Anon but it adds elements of love that isn’t just tough love.” She also told us that the author is interviewed in 4 episodes of the podcast Codependency No More, starting with episode 50.



Join our conversation



A listener asked for another “round table” episode with parents of teens. Is this you? You can share your voice. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 307 307 full false 1:26:19 Karen B – Living the Traditions – 306 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/karen-b-living-the-traditions-306/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/karen-b-living-the-traditions-306/#comments Wed, 30 Oct 2019 05:22:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=5003 Karen shared her story in episode 262, Third Time is the Charm. Things have changed since then, and we start by catching up on recent events. Then we move into a discussion about how she (and I) use Traditions 1 and 2 in our lives.

The post Karen B – Living the Traditions – 306 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/karen-b-living-the-traditions-306/feed/ 1 Karen shared her story in episode 262, Third Time is the Charm. Things have changed since then, and we start by catching up on recent events. Then we move into a discussion about how she (and I) use Traditions 1 and 2 in our lives. Third Time is the Charm. Things have changed since then, and we start by catching up on recent events. Then we move into a discussion about how she (and I) use Traditions 1 and 2 in our lives. The traditions are:

Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.
For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.

Our conversation is guided by these questions.

What does “common welfare” mean to you in your daily life?
How do you place it first?
How does unity enable and enhance your personal progress?
… the progress of others in your life?
Tradition two speaks of the authority of a higher power. What does this mean for you?
Do you use a “group conscience” in your living? How?
What does this mean for you in your family?
… at work?
… in other groups (friends, associations, church)?
In what ways might you consider yourself a “trusted servant”?
How does the concept of “trusted servant” change the way you relate to others? (in the family, at work, etc.)

Readings and Links
Karen read from Courage to Change, page 108 (April 17) and from How Al-Anon Works, page 108.
Add your voice
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dizzy: Swim

lovelytheband: broken

Twisted Sister: We're Not Gonna Take It

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 306 306 full false 1:06:31 A Respite – 305 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/a-respite-305/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/a-respite-305/#respond Tue, 22 Oct 2019 03:43:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4991 What does recovery have to do with a weekend "up north"?

The post A Respite – 305 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/a-respite-305/feed/ 0 What does recovery have to do with a weekend "up north"? What does recovery have to do with a weekend “up north”?
 
Readings and Links
A listener suggested Al-Anon phone meetings, which can be found on the Al-Anon web site Electronic Meetings page.

Music from the show
Panic! At The Disco: Hey Look Ma, I Made It

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 305 305 full false 33:39 Take it or Leave it – 304 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/take-it-or-leave-it-304/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/take-it-or-leave-it-304/#comments Fri, 11 Oct 2019 12:42:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4982 We often say “take what you like and leave the rest.” How can I apply this concept of “take it or leave it” in my life?

The post Take it or Leave it – 304 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/10/take-it-or-leave-it-304/feed/ 2 We often say “take what you like and leave the rest.” How can I apply this concept of “take it or leave it” in my life? Free dictionary “take it or leave it” idioms https://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/take+it+or+leave+it

Things I will (want to) take;

(What I like …)
Help
Change 
Compliments
Growth
Notice
Encouragement
Validation
Progress
Time
A breath
Some space
My feelings (all of them)
Changed attitudes
Optimism
Positivity
Care of myself (first)




Things I will Not (don’t want to) take;

Other people’s problems, burdens
Other people’s responsibilities
“It personally”
Ultimatums
Offense
Demands
Blame
Expectations
Resentment
Anger
Name calling
Sarcasm
Bad attitudes
The bait, the rope


Things (I want) to Leave;

(The rest…)
Negativity (others)
Negativity (mine)
Stinking Thinking
The past
Impatience
Ultimatums
Blame
Fear



Readings and Links
We read from How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 4 (Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism – Searching for Answers) and Chapter 6 (The Family Disease of Alcoholism, Recognizing our Options).
Courage to Change, October 29.
Listeners mentioned several episodes, including these

* 229, Holiday Expectations
* 134, Holiday Survival Kit
* 293, Lynne – Grief can be a wonderful thing
* 301, Geneviève – Together we can make it
* 303, Michele B – My Solutions were my Problems

Add your voice
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Clash: Should I Stay or Should I Go

The Eagles: Take it Easy

Cage the Elephant: Take it or Leave it

“Blank Stares” by Jay Allen was suggested by a listener.

 
]]> The Recovery Show 304 304 full false 1:55:12 Michele B – My Solutions were my Problems – 303 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/michele-b-my-solutions-were-my-problems-303-2/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/michele-b-my-solutions-were-my-problems-303-2/#comments Tue, 24 Sep 2019 01:49:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4979 Michele B has an inspiring story of adversity and recovery. Note: The original posting of this talk had audio “glitches” that made it unlistenable for some. I believe I have corrected them here. Readings and Links Ashley told us about online Alateen “chat” meetings, and sent a link to the Al-Anon/Alateen web site, where you...

The post Michele B – My Solutions were my Problems – 303 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/michele-b-my-solutions-were-my-problems-303-2/feed/ 3 Michele B has an inspiring story of adversity and recovery. Note: The original posting of this talk had audio “glitches” that made it unlistenable for some. I believe I have corrected them here. Readings and Links Ashley told us about online Alateen “c... Michele B has an inspiring story of adversity and recovery.
Note: The original posting of this talk had audio “glitches” that made it unlistenable for some. I believe I have corrected them here.
Readings and Links
Ashley told us about online Alateen “chat” meetings, and sent a link to the Al-Anon/Alateen web site, where you can find out about and register for a chat meeting.
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 303 303 full false 1:43:36 Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/#respond Sat, 07 Sep 2019 19:07:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4963 Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life...

The post Jennifer – Free from Obsession – 302 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/09/jennifer-free-from-obsession-302/feed/ 0 Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, Jennifer's adult son has been drinking alcoholically for his entire adult life, some 30 years. She wrote and offered to tell her story, where she is now living a wonderful life, free of the obsession to do something. She loves him, she is concerned about his well-being and health, but that doesn't consume her life any more.
Her son's alcoholism is so strong that he has been unwilling to seek or accept help. She still loves him, but has told him that he must live on his own, that she will not support him in his addiction. This meant that at times, he was homeless, living in the forest. She accepts (but doesn't like) that he must live with the consequences of his actions. She has given him the respect of letting him live his life, not the one she might have wanted for him.
Readings and Links
Jennifer read from Courage to Change, September 14, and Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses, p. 15.
A listener asked about where I got the Mary Pearl workshop. I bought it from Lee's Tapes and CDs at an AA convention, and it is also available online at this link.
Only the last 300 episodes are available in your podcast app, but they are all available right here.
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Wayne Watson: Watercolor Ponies

Wayne Watson: Class of 95

Taylor Swift: Clean

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 302 302 full false 1:08:01 Geneviève – Together we can make it – 301 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/#comments Thu, 29 Aug 2019 22:00:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4953 Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although...

The post Geneviève – Together we can make it – 301 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/genevieve-together-we-can-make-it-301/feed/ 1 Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the peopl... Geneviève started recovery at the age of 14 as a member of Alateen. There, she found a family she had never had. She didn't think she needed Alateen, but there was something there that called to her. Maybe at first it was just the community – the people who welcomed her and hugged her (although that was weird at first, too). After a couple years, she dived in whole heartedly.
But, when she turned 20, she was no longer a teen. And the Al-Anon members were all old. Comparing herself to them, she found so many differences. As she started to have friends who were getting pulled into addiction, she needed Al-Anon more and more. It was a “parents meeting” that helped her the most at this time. She started to identify with others and felt included.
Of course, as a young adult who found so much in Alateen, she is giving back to Alateen as an AMIAS (Al-Anon member in service to Alateen).
In our conversation, we discuss differences between Alateen and Al-Anon, and also how they are similar. She describes the life-changing experience of Alateen weekend conventions. And we are sad about how few Alateen meetings there are.
Readings and Links
Geneviève opened with a reading from the daily reader Hope for Today, page 105 (April 14).
Upcoming
Next week we will have a conversation with an Al-Anon member, where she will share her experience with the 25 year descent of an adult child refusing treatment and development of mental illness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
John Mayer: In the Blood

Ed Sheeran: Castle on the Hill

 
]]> The Recovery Show 301 301 full false 1:40:06 What you found here – 300 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/#respond Tue, 20 Aug 2019 02:57:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4945 The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice! So, what did you...

The post What you found here – 300 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/what-you-found-here-300/feed/ 0 The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, The Recovery Show has reached the grand age of 300 … episodes. Or, if you prefer, over 6 1/2 years. I asked you to tell me what you found here, what brought you here, what keeps you coming back. And about 30 of you answered, with only about 2 weeks notice!
So, what did you find here? What are you saying in this episode 300?
You found voices speaking your experience. Voices expressing feelings you didn't know you had. Voices that opened corners of your mind you had forgotten were there. Voices of other people who have been where you are, and got through.
You found a moment of calm in the midst of a chaotic day. You found an escape from the unmanageability of your life, if only for an hour. You found ideas, concepts, slogans, quotes, and other tools that you could use today, that you could bring to bear on the problems you have right now. You found friends that accompany you on your long commute, during your workout, or when you need some calm.
You found a deeper exploration of the Al-Anon principles, steps, traditions, and concepts. You heard examples of others using these in “all their affairs” to deal with every day problems, and also to live with / through / after the effects of alcoholism and addiction on your life.
Some of you found a way into the rooms and meetings of Al-Anon and other recovery programs. You came to believe that you could be helped, and you got over your reluctance and fear of walking into a meeting. You had some idea what might happen there and why you wanted it. Others have difficulty making it to meetings because of distance or obligations to family or work. You found here a “meeting between meetings”, a “meeting in your pocket.”
It is amazing to me that this show has reached so many of you, that it has touched you in so many ways, and for some, so deeply. I have found friends here — those who have participated as guest hosts and those who have called or written to share their experience, strength, and hope. I honestly could not keep on doing this without you, whether you know it or not.
In short, we have all found some measure of recovery here. I have, and so have you. Happy 300.

Music from the show
Taylor Swift: Don't Blame Me

Blake Shelton: Savior's Shadow

 
]]> The Recovery Show 300 300 full false 1:10:02 How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/#comments Wed, 07 Aug 2019 12:28:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4939 In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery. Upcoming: our 300th episode Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The...

The post How to Sabotage a Relationship – 299 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/08/how-to-sabotage-a-relationship-299/feed/ 1 In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery. In this recording from an IDAA (International Doctors in AA) conference in 2004, Tom and Gail H share their experience, strength and hope about how they sabotaged their relationship and how they repaired it in recovery.
Upcoming: our 300th episode
Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. To be included in episode 300, please do so before August 10, 2019.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 299 299 full false 1:23:56 Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/#comments Wed, 31 Jul 2019 12:46:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4925 Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”. “No” is a boundary. Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to...

The post Saying No — No is a complete sentence – 298 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/saying-no-no-is-a-complete-sentence-298/feed/ 1 Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”. “No” is a boundary. Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and i... Is it hard for you to say “no”? Do you avoid responding instead of saying “no”? Or, maybe you say “yes” when you want to say “no”.

* “No” is a boundary.

* Typically in response to a request or requirement to do something we do not want to agree to do and is not ours to do.


* What’s the problem here?

* I feel I have to justify my “no” answer.
* I’m afraid you won’t like me if say “no”
* I’m afraid you will respond with anger or disappointment if I say “no”
* I feel like I’m being mean if I say “no”
* I feel like I “should” say “yes” but I don’t want to.
* I say “I don’t know” or “maybe” instead of “no.”
* I say “yes” but I mean “no.”


* Do I also have a problem saying “yes”?
* Do I have a problem committing, in general?
* Why should I learn to say “no”, period?

* I don’t have an infinite store of time and energy.
* Some things are more important than others.
* I need to set and respect my own boundaries.
* I’m not comfortable / don’t agree with what you are asking me for / to do.


* What is the difference between “no” and negativity?
* Strength of “no”

* It is an affirmation of self.
* When I say “no”, it makes my “yes” stronger and more meaningful.


* When to say no?

* When it keeps me true to my principles and values.
* When it protects me from being exploited.
* When it keeps me focused on my own goals.
* When it protects me from abuse.
* When I need the strength to change course.
* Try saying “yes” and “no” (in your head) and see how each one feels to you.
* Think about the consequences of saying “yes” (or “no”).


* How can I say no nicely?

* “I’ll think about it” — but only if I really will think about it and get back with a “yes” or “no” — not just to put off saying “no”.
* Use softer language: “I’d prefer not to”
* At least say it calmly.
* “That’s really not my responsibility.”
*


* How can I say “no” to myself? And when is it important to say no to myself?

Readings and Links
We read from Courage to Change, July 25 and April 13.
Eric mentioned the book Discovering Choices.
Web links we used as resources include these from Psychology Today: The Power of No, When, Why, and How to say No. From Huffington Post, The Art of Saying No. From Mindful.org, No Is A Complete Sentence.
We got some quotes from AZquotes.com.
Related topics from The Recovery Show include these episodes

* Boundaries (103, 44)
* Courage (220)
* Choices (164, 5)
* Fear (74, 187, 236)

Upcoming: our 300th episode
Our 300th episode is just around the corner! I’d love you to share how The Recovery Show has supported your recovery. Did we encourage you to go to your first meeting? Did a particular topic or guest inspire you or give you a new insight? We want to know!  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email 298 298 full false 1:05:03 Mary Pearl T on Step 12 – Episode 297 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/#respond Wed, 24 Jul 2019 04:37:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4919 Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives...

The post Mary Pearl T on Step 12 – Episode 297 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/mary-pearl-t-on-step-12-episode-297/feed/ 0 Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs. Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Join us for the conclusion of Mary Pearl T's workshop on the 12 steps. She clearly illustrates, with warmth and wit, how she understands and lives this step.
Readings and Links
Listeners wrote and called with reflections on these episodes:

* Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences, episode 296
* Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery, episode 294
* Judgement, episode 104
* S-Anon, episode 280

The other Mary Pearl episodes are

* Step 1, episode 259
* Step 2, episode 263
* Step 3, episode 264
* Step 4, episode 268
* Step 5, episode 271
* Step 6, episode 274
* Step 7, episode 282
* Steps 8 and 9, episode 286
* Step 10, episode 288
* Step 11, episode 291

Two listeners shared their own hope, strength, and experience on a question from an earlier episode, “What if my loved one never finds sobriety?”
Please add your sharing
Our 300th episode is coming soon. How has The Recovery Show helped your recovery? What episode touched you? Did you go to your first meeting after listening to us? Have you been a guest on the podcast? Call or send email with your answer to one of these questions, or to one I didn't think to ask. I'd love to construct our 300th episode from your voices.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope.
]]> The Recovery Show 297 297 full false 1:04:37 Spiritual Awakenings and Experiences – 296 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/#respond Tue, 09 Jul 2019 03:03:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4577 What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had? Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/spiritual-awakenings-and-experiences-296/feed/ 0 What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had? Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What was your spiritual awakening? What spiritual experiences have you had?
Step 12 starts with “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps…”. The AA “Big Book” speaks of “a spiritual experience” as a key to recovery. What's going on here? Do we have to have some sudden “white light” experience to truly be in recovery?
Both traditions answer, firmly, “No.” The Big Book says, simply, “Most of us think this awareness of a Power greater than ourselves is the essence of spiritual experience.” Al-Anon's book How Al-Anon Works affirms that “more commonly … we experience a gradual awakening of the spirit”.
I found meaning in the story of the Buddha, who, shortly after his enlightenment, was questioned by a person he encountered on the road if he was a god, a wizard, a man? To which he responded, “no”. When the man asked “Well, what are  you then?”, the Buddha said “I am awake.”
In this episode, 4 people describe a spiritual awakening or experience from their lives.
Readings and Links
We read from
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 8, Step Twelve.
Alcoholics Anonymous, Appendix II
A listener wrote about the Al-Anon book Having had a Spiritual Awakening, and how it led him to a gentle awakening.
Want to contribute?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Carrie Newcomer: If Not Now

Climbing PoeTree: Being Human (read it here.)
Dervish dancing (Sama)

 
]]> The Recovery Show 296 296 full false 42:52 Kerri K – Speaker talk – 295 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/#respond Wed, 03 Jul 2019 12:14:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4575 A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes, Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.   Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around.  😊 Upcoming An upcoming topic is...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/07/kerri-k-speaker-talk-295/feed/ 0 A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes, Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.   Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get ... A listener and erstwhile guest, Carrie, suggested this talk. She writes,
Such an incredible story! Chock full of life experiences, wisdom, humor and hope.  I’ve listened to it several times over the years.  
Makes me want to go hike in Phoenix and get a teddy bear to pass around.  😊
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is spiritual awakenings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your own spiritual awakening or spiritual experience. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 295 295 full false 1:09:34 Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery — 294 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/#comments Tue, 25 Jun 2019 02:30:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4571 Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience. I hope that something we said connects with you.  

The post Spencer and Amy — a couple in recovery — 294 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/spencer-and-amy-a-couple-in-recovery-294/feed/ 4 Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience. Recently, my wife, Amy, and I were guests on the podcast Sober Speak. This is our sharing — what it was like, what happened, and what it is like now. We spoke both of our own experience and of our shared experience.
I hope that something we said connects with you.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 294 294 full false 1:10:42 Lynne – Grief can be a wonderful thing – 293 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/#comments Wed, 19 Jun 2019 12:31:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4563 Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close friend, and of the later crisis that brought her into Al-Anon....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/lynne-grief-can-be-a-wonderful-thing-293/feed/ 3 Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close frien... Lynne tells her story – what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now. She touches on grief both before and after entering recovery, on parenting, and on co-parenting with an alcoholic. Lynne tells of the alcohol fueled death of a close friend, and of the later crisis that brought her into Al-Anon. I really enjoyed our conversation together.
Readings and Links
Lynne read from Courage to Change, January 2.
She recommend the “grief book”, Opening Our Hearts, Transforming Our Losses.
Her home group is working the Steps, Traditions and Concepts using the workbook Reaching for Personal Freedom.
In response to questions from listeners, we mentioned some resources with “open talks” from AA and other programs:

* Recovery Radio Network, which is both a podcast and a website.
* XA Speakers, a website with a huge collection of speakers from many “anonymous” programs.
* Sober Speak, a podcast where members of AA (and occasionally Al-Anon) share their stories.

A listener shared that she recently started using Insight Timer, and thanked Eric for recommending it.
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is “having had a spiritual awakening”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your spiritual experience or awakening. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lukas Nelson & Promise of the Real: Bad Case

James Bay: Let It Go

Florence and the Machine: You Got The Love

 
]]> The Recovery Show 293 293 full false 1:44:32 Sayings, Quotes, Proverbs, and Parables – 292 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/#respond Wed, 12 Jun 2019 21:53:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4550 You can also read a transcript of this episode. Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them? Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these...

The post Sayings, Quotes, Proverbs, and Parables – 292 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/06/sayings-quotes-proverbs-and-parables-292/feed/ 0 You can also read a transcript of this episode. Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them? Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, You can also read a transcript of this episode.



Do you have a few sayings or quotes that support your recovery? How do you use them?



Spencer and Eric explore a long list of sayings, quotes, proverbs, and parables. We talked about all of these, some at length, and some quite briefly. Some of these have dates in the form month/day, which refer to readings in the book Courage to Change.



* Take what you like and leave the rest.* Let it begin with me.* You are not alone.* Don’t pick up the rope.* I don't have to attend every dog fight I'm invited to.* not my monkeys not my circus* There are only two types of business; my business, and none of my business.* We’re only as sick as our secrets.* Move a muscle, change a thought. (Act my way into right thinking.)* Don’t just do something, sit there. When in doubt don’t.* First thought, wrong thought.* I am a human being, not a human doing.* Participation is the key to harmony.* Worry is like a rocking chair; going back and forth and going nowhere.* The only way I can push people, is away from me.* Say what you mean but don’t say it meanly.* The enemy of serenity is indecision and hurry.* Came, Came to, and Came to Believe!* Show up, wake up, smarten up.* I can’t, he can, I think I’ll let him.* “If you understand, things are just as they are.  If you don’t understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb.* It works if you work it!* If nothing changes, nothing changes.* Let go or be dragged.* Stop living in the wreckage of the future.* Life on life’s terms.* Keep my head where my feet are.* Fear and faith can’t live in the same house.* When the student is ready, the teacher appears.* What other people think of me is none of my business.* Do the next right thing.* If I don’t have 5 minutes to meditate, take 10.* My best thinking got me here.* If my only prayer today is thank you, that will suffice.* The family situation is bound to improve as we apply the Al-Anon ideas.* I may not get everything I want today but I have everything I need.* Forgiveness is letting go of hoping for a better yesterday.* Look back but don’t stare.* Parable of the two wolves — Which one wins? The one you feed.* When going through hell, keep going.* When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot.* When 1 door closes, another door opens, but living in the hallway is hell.* Before sunlight shines through a window, the blinds must be raised.  American – 3/5* Patience is the key to paradise.  Turkish – 5/14* When we talk of tomorrow, God laughs.  Chinese – 5/17* The highest for of wisdom is kindness.  The Talmud – 4/13* “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.” Abe Lincoln* “Courage faces fear and thereby masters it.”  MLK Jr – 8/6* “Even if I knew tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree.”  Martin Luther – 11/5* “The oak grows stronger in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.”  Peter Marshal – 3/23* “There is no try.  There is do or not do.”  Yoda* “Fear leads to hate, hate to anger, anger to suffering.”  Yoda* “Example is not the main thing in influencing others.  It is the only thing.” Albert Schweitzer – 12/9



Readings and Links



Links to longer explanations about or readings of the parables we discussed:



Pandoras box
Cheshire Cat
The two wolves



]]> The Recovery Show 292 292 full false 1:15:46 Step 11 with Mary Pearl T – 291 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/#comments Thu, 30 May 2019 03:22:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4546 How have you deepened your conscious contact with your higher power? What is your practice of prayer and meditation? Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/step-11-with-mary-pearl-t-291/feed/ 3 How have you deepened your conscious contact with your higher power? What is your practice of prayer and meditation? Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as ... Mary Pearl T leads us on an exploration of Step 11, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” She uses stories to illuminates her understanding of the step with her usual blend of humor and depth.
Upcoming
In an upcoming episode, we will be talking about our favorite quotes and sayings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 291 291 full false 42:51 But One Purpose – 290 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/#respond Tue, 21 May 2019 02:05:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4541 Our 5th tradition says, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. How do we do this? How has this supported and worked in your recovery? In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/but-one-purpose-290/feed/ 0 Our 5th tradition says, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. How do we do this? How has this supported and worked in your recovery? In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help fami... In full, it reads, Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.
I explore how this tradition appeared in my life, in reverse order of the phrases in the tradition.
Welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.



* I walked into my first Al-Anon meeting with some fear and trepidation. I didn’t know what I was going to find there, and I was terrified that I’d meet someone who knew me. Of course, that happened even before I stepped into the room!
* I really don’t remember what anyone said at that meeting, but by the end of the meeting, I knew one very important fact: I WAS NO LONGER ALONE!
* I was welcomed with open and loving arms into the Al-Anon fellowship. That alone was enough for me to come back the next week, and the next, and the next.
* I try to remember to extend this welcome whenever a new person comes to a meeting, but also to all members, whether new or “long timers”. This can be a spiritual practice: to smile, to say “hi”, and to listen with real interest.
* In my experience, there is no comfort to be had that is greater than someone saying, “I’ve been there. This is what I did. It wasn’t easy, but I got better.”



Understanding and encouraging our alcoholic relatives.



* Oh, this was hard. I was so angry and resentful of my loved one’s alcoholism. Initially, I was angry at her. Why couldn’t she just stop. Or maybe just drink normally? Why couldn’t we go back to the “way it was”?
* I started to learn about the disease concept by attending “friends and family” days at treatment centers (and yes, there were several of these).
* What really drove home to me that alcoholism was a disease, and that it was not a choice of my loved one, was attending AA speaker meetings. During my first few years, I must have attended 100 of these. I started to see that the “arc” of their story was the same, even though all the details were different.
* I could hear my wife’s story in other people’s voices, when I couldn’t hear it from her. I could start to develop compassion for her struggle.
* “Encouraging” — What does that mean? It’s not standing on the sideline shouting “Rah!” or “Ole!” or “you can do it!” At least I don’t think so. For me, it was being loving (as best I could), whether she was drinking or not. It was not berating her when she slipped, as she did many times. And it wasn’t always easy.



Practicing the 12 steps of AA ourselves.

* This is where recovery happened for me. I had to find (at least the concept of) a higher power. I had to look at myself and ask for help to change. I had to clean up “my side of the street.” And I had to grow into a new way of living, and finding a new emotional and spiritual center for myself.

Readings and Links
I read from Courage to Change, December 20.
Upcoming
Upcoming topics include quotes. What quotes have helped you or inspired you?
A listener suggested the topic of Spiritual Experiences. Have you had a spiritual experience (large or small)? Share it and help us to put together an episode.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 290 290 full false 56:16 Applying the Serenity Prayer – 289 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/#comments Tue, 14 May 2019 02:35:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4537 How do you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference? I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation. Upcoming Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your...

The post Applying the Serenity Prayer – 289 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/05/applying-the-serenity-prayer-289/feed/ 1 How do you have the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference? I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation. I reflect on how many times I have applied the serenity prayer during a weekend vacation.
Upcoming
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 289 289 full false 17:10 Mary Pearl T on Step 10 – 288 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/#comments Tue, 30 Apr 2019 04:05:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4534 Step 10 says “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Mary Pearl T gives us her usual insightful and humorous take on this step. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

The post Mary Pearl T on Step 10 – 288 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-step-10-288/feed/ 1 Step 10 says “We continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.” Mary Pearl T gives us her usual insightful and humorous take on this step. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 288 288 full false 32:11 Marc and Michele’s son is in prison – 287 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/#respond Wed, 24 Apr 2019 16:40:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4528 Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, and it's been quite a ride since then. He is now in prison. They...

The post Marc and Michele’s son is in prison – 287 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/marc-and-micheles-son-is-in-prison-287/feed/ 0 Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, Is someone you love facing jail or prison because of their drinking or addiction? How do you live through something like that? Michele and Marc share their experience, strength, and hope. Their son started drinking and using drugs in high school, and it's been quite a ride since then. He is now in prison. They describe their journey and what it's like for them now.
Readings and Links
Marc opened with a reading from the Nar-Anon daily reader, Sharing Experience, Strength, and Hope, July 24.
Michele read from April 18 of that book.
In response to a topic suggestion of “principles before personalities”, I referred to our episode 98 on Tradition 12.
A listener suggested a topic about adult children who are still actively using, and I pointed to the Parents' Roundtable, episode 22.
Upcoming
We have a topic suggestion of quotes, proverbs, and parables. We'd love to hear about the ones that are meaningful to you.  Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Red Hot Chili Peppers: Soul to Squeeze

Spacehog: In the Meantime
https://youtu.be/TDkhl-CgETg
Leann Rimes: How Do I Live Without You

 
]]> The Recovery Show 287 287 full false 1:35:21 Mary Pearl T on Steps 8 and 9 – 286 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/#comments Tue, 09 Apr 2019 21:42:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4523 Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, and moving presentation of these steps. Readings and...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/mary-pearl-t-on-steps-8-and-9-286/feed/ 1 Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Mary Pearl does her usual in-depth, funny, and moving presentation of these steps.
Readings and Links
A caller recommended the May 20 reading from Hope for Today.
Feedback
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 286 286 full false 57:13 Contentment and even Happiness – 285 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/#comments Tue, 02 Apr 2019 03:41:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4517 The Suggested Al-Anon Welcome says, in part “… it is possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How can this happen? I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. My friend wondered if it was possible to have a life that wasn’t full...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/04/contentment-and-even-happiness-285/feed/ 3 The Suggested Al-Anon Welcome says, in part “… it is possible to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.” How can this happen? I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. I was recently talking with an Al-Anon friend whose loved one had relapsed. My friend wondered if it was possible to have a life that wasn’t full of anger and sadness even though there was active drinking in their home again. I tried to speak from my own experience, because I had been in that place for a couple years. I did find “contentment and even happiness” while my loved one was still drinking. How did I do that?
In my first year in Al-Anon, my wife had 8 months of continuous sobriety before relapsing. So I was at least able to start to get into the program before I was challenged to really apply the tools and principles I had been learning. It would be another 2 ½ years before she “hit her bottom” and found long term sobriety (one day at a time).
Before Al-Anon, my soul was full of anger, despair, resentment, fear, frustration, and rage. I felt that I was a failure, and didn’t understand why she couldn’t just drink “normally”. Was that too much to ask? And obviously it was my job to make that happen! Except that nothing worked.
During the next 2 ½ years, there were short periods of sobriety, or at least not drinking. But emotionally, I was in a very different place than I had been. I was definitely unhappy about the drinking, and felt frustration and anger with each relapse. But I didn’t carry those feelings with me all the time. What made the difference?
Recently, I heard her tell a friend, “I was a low bottom alcoholic”. Those words surprised me (13 years later!) I knew it was bad for her at the end, but I didn’t really know how bad. From my perspective, she had gotten to a point in her life where she had nothing to do but drink. We still had a house to live in, cars to drive, and enough money to put food on the table.
But during those months, I hadn’t put my life on hold to try to fix her. I was getting sleep, I was doing things I liked, and I definitely had periods of contentment and happiness. Also sadness that the person I loved might be drinking herself to death (and some fear that it would come to that.) Looking back, I think those gift of the Al-Anon program came from:
Acceptance and compassion

* Alcoholism is a disease. I can’t cure it. I can’t control it. Lots of AA speaker talks (probably at least 100) convinced me of this.
* I came to understand that she hated what was happening at least as much as I did. She was also powerless over it. (vision of her in the passenger seat, screaming, with her alcoholism driving).

Detaching with love

* Worth a whole episode (12, 188)
* I cannot tie my happiness to someone else’s behavior.
* I can love someone, even when they are not behaving as I want them to.
* 2 kinds of detaching:

* Detach my loved one’s self from their actions in my head.
* Detach myself from them. (Stay inside my hula hoop.)


* Don’t “nag”. Only makes them mad and me frustrated.

Taking care of myself

* Physical health, but maybe more importantly emotional and spiritual health. (Prayer and meditation.)
* Do nice things for myself. Give myself permission to enjoy life.
* Work the steps!
* Live one day at a time.
* Attitude of gratitude.

Surround myself with support

* Go to meetings.
* Call friends / sponsor.
* Read the literature.

The last few months weren’t the best time of my life, but they also were, by far, not the worst. Using the tools and principles of the Al-Anon program, I made a life that didn’t depend on my loved one’s sobriety. But also, it didn’t exclude her, and I was able to be there on that day when she woke up in the morning and said “I don’t want to drink today,]]> The Recovery Show 285 285 full false 54:29 Acronyms and Alliterations – Episode 284 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/#comments Wed, 27 Mar 2019 04:45:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4507 Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/acronyms-and-alliterations-episode-284/feed/ 4 Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. Do you QTIP? Have you practiced the 3 A's? Spencer and Eric, with support from many listeners, talk about some of the acronyms (such as HALT or FEAR) and alliterations (3 C's, 4 M's) that help us to remember the important principles of the program. As Eric says, “these are like pocket change — they're easy to pick up and use.”
Acronyms



* FEAR – Face everything and recover
* PAUSE – Please assist until serenity enters
* FEAR – False evidence appearing real
* LOVE – Let others voluntarily evolve

* Al-anon “gifts” in From Survival to Recovery
* Force vs Power, episode 249
* Eric: I can’t “love my alcoholic sober” or “hug my addict straight”
* “Let go and let God”


* JADE – (don’t) Justify, argue, defend, or explain

* Would you rather be right or happy? (episode 276)
* Courage to Change, June 6


* WAIT – Why am I talking (thinking)

* Neutral responses (scroll to the bottom of episode 249)


* HALT(S)
* NUTS – Not Using The Steps (Slogans)
* TRUST – try really using step three!
* THINK is it..?: Thoughtful. Honest. Intelligent. Necessary. Kind.

* One Day at a Time in Al-Anon pg. 20
* Slogans Part 1 (episode 131)
* The Step 10 discussion in Paths to Recovery


* HOPE: Happy. Our. Program. Exists.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.94
* Hope, episode 65
* Do you believe? (episode 270)


* DETACH: Don’t. Even. Think. About. Changing. Him/Her.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.29
* Consequences (episode 245)
* Enabling or empowering (episode 261)
* Detachment (episodes 12, 188)


* HOW: Honest. Open. Willing.

* Willingness – Episode 216


* STEPS: Solutions. To. Every. Problem.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.297
* In All Our Affairs (Episode 201)


* QTIP: Quit. Taking. It. Personally.

* One Day At a Time in Al-Anon, pg.55


* FINE
* PISO: Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional
* Eric would write this on his hand.
* GOD: Good Orderly Direction
* UTT: Use the tools
* ODAT: One Day at a time
* ANGER = A Negative Grudge Endangers Recovery
* ASK = Ask Seek Knock
* CHANGE = Choosing Honesty Allows New Growth Everyday
* COOL = Creative Opportunities Offer Love
* EGO = Easing God Out
* FAITH = Finding Answers In The Heart
* FEAR = Forgetting Everything Is Alright
* FEAR = Future Events Aren’t Real
* FROG = Fully Relying On God
* GIFTS = Getting It From The Steps
* HOPE = Helping Ourselves Purge Emptiness
* HOW = Honest, Open, Willing
* MYOB = Mind Your Own Business
* PUSH = Pray Until Something Happens



Alliterations

* 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance,]]> The Recovery Show 284 284 full false 1:37:10 March Roundup 2019 – Episode 283 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/#respond Tue, 12 Mar 2019 00:35:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4500 Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, but a weekend of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/march-roundup-2019-episode-283/feed/ 0 Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, Have you attended an AA or Al-Anon convention? My wife and I went to the March Roundup in Detroit, so I thought I'd give you a little trip report. If you haven't been to a convention, I encourage you to find one near you and go. Not only is it fun, but a weekend of concentrated recovery can really energize your own program.
Readings and Links
Jenn mentioned episode 161, Dancing with Dementia, in her email.
Jennifer asked about sponsorship. We've got a couple of episodes: Sponsorship (25) and Sponsorship Round Table (32), but maybe it's time to do another.
The March Roundup program can be found online if you're interested.
Upcoming
Our topic for next week is Acronyms and Alliterattions. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your favorite acronym (QTIP?) or alliteration (4 M's?), and why.

Music from the show
Sia: Chandelier

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 283 283 full false 31:46 Mary Pearl T on Step 7 – Episode 282 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/#respond Tue, 05 Mar 2019 01:12:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4497 Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.” Upcoming Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your favorite Al-Anon acronym, such as QTIP (quit taking it personally), or an alliteration such as the 3 C's (didn't cause it,...

The post Mary Pearl T on Step 7 – Episode 282 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/03/mary-pearl-t-on-step-7-episode-282/feed/ 0 Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.” Upcoming Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. Please enjoy Mary Pearl T's thoughts on Step 7, “Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.”
Upcoming
Upcoming topics include “acronyms and alliterations”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share your favorite Al-Anon acronym, such as QTIP (quit taking it personally), or an alliteration such as the 3 C's (didn't cause it, can't cure it, can't control it).
 
]]> The Recovery Show 282 282 full false 26:55 How do you trust? – Episode 281 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/#respond Tue, 26 Feb 2019 01:39:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4489 When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone? How do we trust others in the program? What fears might stop us from trusting? What is trust? (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (verb) believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of. How do...

The post How do you trust? – Episode 281 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/how-do-you-trust-episode-281/feed/ 0 When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone? How do we trust others in the program? What fears might stop us from trusting? What is trust? (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. When do you decide to trust (or not to trust) someone?
How do we trust others in the program?
What fears might stop us from trusting?

* What is trust?

* (noun) firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something.
* (verb) believe in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.


* How do we come to trust someone?

* The marble jar analogy.


* Brené Brown on trust: (https://brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/)

* We often think trust is built by grand gestures at crucial moments in our lives, but trust is typically built with simplicity and small actions. After looking at the research Brown said, “It’s very clear. Trust is built in very small moments.”
* Charles Feltman had the “most beautiful definition of trust,” which was “Trust is choosing to make something important to you vulnerable to the actions of someone else.” “Feltman says that distrust is what I’ve shared with you that is important to me is not safe with you,”


* What are some of the “marbles” of trust that I found in the program?

* Open, honest, vulnerable sharing
* “Nodding” — “I’ve been there. I know what it feels like.”
* Members being there week after week.
* No judgement.
* Keeping confidences.


* What are some “marbles” of distrust?

* Unsolicited advice.
* Someone assuming they know what I feel.
* Breaking confidence (rare in my experience)


* Brené Brown’s acronym: BRAVING (https://www.kennethmd.com/the-anatomy-of-trust-by-brene-brown/ )

* Boundaries
* Reliability
* Accountability
* Vault
* Integrity
* Non-judgement
* Generosity


* Tradition 12 “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.”

* Anonymity is the basis of the trust that makes the program possible.



Readings and Links
We read from Courage to Change, April 3
We recommend the new book from Al-Anon, Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships
A listener spoke of her experience in Recovering Couples Anonymous.
Another listener suggest a topic of “intuition vs fear”, which reminded me of episode 61, Intuition or God's Will? 
Upcoming
Our topic for next week is Mary Pearl T on Step 7. Also upcoming is an episode on Acronyms and Alliterations. Acronyms like HALT, FEAR. Alliterations like the 3 A's or 4 M's. What is your favorite? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com and share your favorite (and why). Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brené Brown, The Anatomy of Trust
Etta James: Trust In Me

Christina Perri: Trust

 
]]> The Recovery Show 281 281 full false 47:27 S-Anon – Episode 280 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/#comments Tue, 19 Feb 2019 12:45:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4482 Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction. Brian introduces the S-Anon program, and talks about his personal experience of finding recovery in that program. We look at ways...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/s-anon-episode-280/feed/ 4 Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction. Brian introduces the S-Anon program, Brian joins The Recovery Show to talk about his experience in S-Anon. What is S-Anon? It is a 12-step program, similar to Al-Anon, for those who have been affected by another person's sexual addiction.
Brian introduces the S-Anon program, and talks about his personal experience of finding recovery in that program. We look at ways in which his experience parallels mine in the Al-Anon program, and how it is different. (Spoiler: it's probably more alike than different, but it takes us a while to get there.)
Readings and Links
Brian read “The S-Anon Problem“.
If you want to know more about S-Anon, or to find a meeting, visit www.sanon.org.
These books were mentioned: Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships, From Survival to Recovery, and Hope for Today.
Upcoming
Upcoming topics for next week include acronyms and alliterations. What's your favorite Al-Anon acronym? An alliteration that is meaningful to you? (3 C's, 4 M's?) Share what and, most importantly, why. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brandi Carlile: Every Time I Hear That Song

The Avett Brothers: Ain't No Man

The Avett Brothers: True Sadness

]]> The Recovery Show 280 280 full false 1:09:14 Do you like yourself? – Episode 279 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/#respond Wed, 13 Feb 2019 03:20:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4466 Do you like yourself? Can you love yourself? Can you trust yourself? In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time even liking herself, and that this was a...

The post Do you like yourself? – Episode 279 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/do-you-like-yourself-episode-279/feed/ 0 Do you like yourself? Can you love yourself? Can you trust yourself? In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time... Do you like yourself?
Can you love yourself?
Can you trust yourself?
In a recent meeting, the topic was Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” One member shared that she often had a hard time even liking herself, and that this was a barrier to working Step 5. If she hated herself for some of the things she had done, how could she ever admit them out loud?
I definitely identified with that feeling. There are some events in my life that I felt a lot of shame about. That I did not admit in my first 5th step. One, in particular, that I didn’t admit in my second 5th step, had haunted me for over 30 years. Every time I remembered that incident, a flush of shame and self-loathing washed over me. Finally, probably after a meeting in which the reading included the saying that “we are only as sick as our secrets,” I realized I had to talk about it. I met with the person I had done that 5th step with and said “I’ve got some more.”
It wasn’t easy. I had admitted it to my Higher Power and to myself, but never to another person. But it was something I felt I had to do. The amazing thing is that since that time, the memory of this event has lost its power over me! I’m still not pleased that it happened, but I don’t feel the shame that it used to impose on me. That hard admission brought me some peace and some more love and compassion for myself. Even for the 40-years-younger me that made a really poor decision (doing the best with what he had.)
And then, a day later, the sermon topic was “Trust Thyself”. Oh, boy, there’s a message: loving myself and trusting myself, all in the same weekend. You know, the feelings I have that lead me to not like myself and to not trust myself are very similar. You’ve probably heard those messages from the judgey part of yourself, too: “You’re not good enough.” “You can’t do it right.” “You can’t do it at all.” “You’re always wrong.” “You’re so stupid.” “What were you thinking? I can’t believe you’d do that!” And so on, and so on.
In her sermon, our minister presented the “4 Cs” of trusting yourself. Well, I’m a sucker for alliterations, so I perked right up! What are these 4 Cs?
Clarity: Seeing ourselves and the world for what we (and it) really are. In the program, this is Step 4 (probably 5, 6, and 7 too.) Also, Steps 8 and 9 bring more clarity.
Connection: Get out of my isolation. I know that I can’t always see myself clearly, and I need someone else to help me. In other words, go to a meeting, call a friend, get a sponsor (and use them!) And, of course, there’s the connection to a Higher Power we find in Steps 2 and 3!
Compassion: This is also about getting out of myself. When I can have compassion for other people, and when I can identify with their fears and pain, but also their joys and successes, then I can start to see the same in myself. And I can start to have compassion for myself. I would never talk to someone else the way that I sometimes talk to myself.
Commitment: Make a commitment to keep away from the negative self-talk, to continue to work on the first 3 Cs. Step 10 is my commitment to continuing to seek clarity. Steps 11 and 12 are commitments to connection and compassion.
Yup, there’s the recovery part of the program (steps 2-12) captured in 4 Cs. How did this work in my Step 5 experience?
I gained clarity by taking an inventory of the incident. What was motivating me? Which of my needs were involved? I began to understand the “exact nature of my wrongs” in this incident. In talking with my friend, I got a little more clarity as I explained what happened, but I also made connection with another person — I was not alone. That person’s loving acceptance of my sharing deepened that connection, and assured me that I was not a broken person.]]> The Recovery Show 279 279 full false 57:02 What do we do here? – Episode 278 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/#comments Tue, 05 Feb 2019 03:55:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4459 What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we? I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't. Why did we create The Recovery Show? We had been sharing...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/02/what-do-we-do-here-episode-278/feed/ 1 What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we? I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't. What is this podcast about? We’re not Al-Anon, exactly. What are we?
I got a letter from a listener who asked some questions. It made me think that maybe it's time (again?) to talk about what The Recovery Show is, and what it isn't.

* Why did we create The Recovery Show?

* We had been sharing Al-Anon ESH on Recovered podcast.
* We wanted to bring Al-Anon message “full time”.


* What is our intent?

* Share our and others’ experiences in recovery.
* Illustrate how Al-Anon recovery works in *our* lives.
* Explore recovery concepts.
* Explain the Al-Anon program.


* Some questions and observations from the email:

* “do you ever worry that your seemingly more “relaxed” discussions might lead to confusion among the listeners and to inadvertent undermining of normal operations of meetings?”
* “Service and “The Rules” is not a ratings winner, but maybe there is some way to explore it that gives it the proper context and proportion.”
* “when I encountered The Recovery Show I was struck by the ways it more closely tracked the familiar 12-Step meeting format, but also the ways in which it appeared to depart from that model.”
* “my program-monitor-radar-alarm went off, particularly about what I perceived as cross-talk.”
* “The Recovery Show is decidedly NOT holding itself out as an Al-Anon Family Group”


* What we do here is very much like the conversations we might have when we go out for coffee after a meeting, or when meeting with a sponsor, or (in my case) in at least one of the AWOL groups I have been a part of.
* I have attended a few “cross talk” meetings in my time in the program, and what we do here is similar to the best of those.

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Calexico: Gift X-Change

Paul Kelly: To Her Door

 
]]> The Recovery Show 278 278 full false 42:22 Bob S Jr Talk – Episode 277 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/#respond Tue, 29 Jan 2019 02:35:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4447 The son of “Doctor Bob”, Bob S., Jr., in a talk from an Al-Anon conference in 2003. A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment...

The post Bob S Jr Talk – Episode 277 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/bob-s-jr-talk-episode-277/feed/ 0 The son of “Doctor Bob”, Bob S., Jr., in a talk from an Al-Anon conference in 2003. A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@ther... A listener wrote about coincidences and recommended episode 489 of This American Life, “No Coincidence, No Story!”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Michael Kiwanuka: Rule the World

Soul Asylum: Runaway Train

Pops Staples: Somebody was Watching

 
]]> The Recovery Show 277 277 full false 1:18:01 Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/#respond Mon, 21 Jan 2019 20:33:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4404 What is your first thought when you hear this question? Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)? Do you have “black and white” thinking? Why? What would it take to see the world in shades of gray...

The post Would you rather be right or happy? – Episode 276 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/would-you-rather-be-right-or-happy-episode-276/feed/ 0 What is your first thought when you hear this question? Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)? Do you have “black and white” thinking? Why?

* What is your first thought when you hear this question?
* Do you believe that “right” is “truth” and that there is only one possible “right answer” (way to do something, opinion about a topic, etc.)?
* Do you have “black and white” thinking?

* Why?


* What would it take to see the world in shades of gray (or colors)?  Red is no more “right” than blue, for example.
* What does the word “happy” mean in this context?
* When has holding onto a position hurt more than letting go would have hurt?
* Is Right and Happy possible?  Sometimes. But in dealing with difficult people, sometimes, it’s just not worth the fight, conflict, escalation…
* A lotta references to “conflict” and controversy are relevant in readings, and traditions, as well as arguments.
* Can you “Live and Let Live” even if you are “right”?
* Have you come to learn that most times, “urgent things are seldom Important, and Important things are seldom urgent”? (calling 911 for a paper cut…)
* Slogans

* How Important is it?
* This Too Shall Pass
* Is It Worth My Serenity?


* Perspective episode also comes to mind, and First Things First… And Force vs Power
* Sayings;

* QTIP
* Don’t

* Take the bait
* Pick up the rope
* Be a willing participant in a toxic dance


* “I don’t need to win anything today…”



Readings and Links
We opened with a reading from Courage to Change, October 29. We also mentioned the June 3 reading.
We read from How Al-Anon Works on dealing with conflict (p. 98 in the soft cover edition), and Eric read about acceptance from …In All Our Affairs, p. 96.
We were inspired by a Psychology Today article Right vs. Happy. And Eric ended with a quote from Chief Joseph.
Coming next
Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email
feedback@therecoveryshow.com
with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
John Mayer: Heartbreak Warfare

Billy Joel: You May be Right

Pharell Williams: Happy

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 276 276 full false 1:08:49 Kate C grew up with alcoholism – Episode 275 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/#respond Fri, 18 Jan 2019 11:31:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4395 Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, especially her younger brother. The “isms” she learned in this environment came...

The post Kate C grew up with alcoholism – Episode 275 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/kate-c-grew-up-with-alcoholism-episode-275/feed/ 0 Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, Kate C shares her story, experience, strength, and hope. She grew up with an alcoholic mother, in a family that separated when she was 8. She didn't feel safe as a child and so decided she needed to take care of her siblings, especially her younger brother. The “isms” she learned in this environment came with her into adulthood and almost destroyed her relationship with her boyfriend, which finally brought her to Al-Anon. She says that Al-Anon has given her the coping skills her parents never taught her. It helped her to put a space between herself and her defects. She is finding “God in the pause.” Now, she and her husband work their own programs, and can check in with each other and have a little meeting whenever they feel the need.
Readings and Links
Kate read from Courage to Change, January 13.
She mentioned an online Skype meeting, Sundays at 7PM Eastern European Time. You can get information to join the meeting by emailing sundayalanononline@gmail.com.
A listener wrote that the books A Beautiful Boy and Tweak have been made into a movie, also titled A Beautiful Boy, which is available on Amazon Prime Video.
Coming up
Our topic for next week is would you rather be right or happy? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Joshua Radin: Today

Justin Bieber: Life is Worth Living

Keala Settle: This is Me (from The Greatest Showman)

And a sort of “making of” video that brought tears to my eyes.

Trailer for A Beautiful Boy

 
]]> The Recovery Show 275 275 full false 1:22:05 Mary Pearl T on Step 6 – Episode 274 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/#comments Wed, 09 Jan 2019 03:55:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4390 What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character? Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character. How is her anger like a volcano? And why is she talking about...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/mary-pearl-t-on-step-6-episode-274/feed/ 1 What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character? Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character. What does it mean to be “entirely ready”? How can we trust our higher power to remove our defects of character?
Mary Pearl T continues her workshop with Step 6, Became entirely ready to have God remove all our defects of character.
How is her anger like a volcano? And why is she talking about towing cars?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 274 274 full false 31:58 The Year in Recovery 2018 – Episode 273 https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/#respond Wed, 02 Jan 2019 03:28:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4382 I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019. Readings and links I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31. Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast: 219, 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis 29, Progress, not Perfection...

The post The Year in Recovery 2018 – Episode 273 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2019/01/the-year-in-recovery-2018-episode-273/feed/ 0 I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019. Readings and links I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31. Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast: 219,... I hear from you about what happened in your recovery in 2018, and what you are aspiring to in 2019.
Readings and links
I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 1 and December 31.
Callers and I referred to several episodes of this podcast:

* 219, 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis
* 29, Progress, not Perfection
* 231, Begin in Stillness
* 78, Stay or Go?
* 242, Don't React
* 120, Authority and Responsibility

A correspondent mentioned the “Obstacles to Success in Al-Anon“. While looking for this text, I found an online meeting called A Serenity Place.
Contribute to the show
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
MILCK: Black Sheep

Julien Baker: Turn out the Lights

John Prine: Hello in There

 
]]> The Recovery Show 273 273 full false 1:11:41 Peace in the Darkness – Episode 272 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/#respond Wed, 26 Dec 2018 04:25:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4371 Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace? My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline: End of the year Shortest day / longest night Darkness -> fear/anxiety We light candles,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/peace-in-the-darkness-episode-272/feed/ 0 Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace? My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline: End of the year Shortest day / ... Do you feel that you are lost in the dark? Do your fears become larger and more real in darkness? Can darkness ever provide comfort and peace?
My musings on darkness were inspired by but don't really follow this outline:

* End of the year
* Shortest day / longest night
* Darkness -> fear/anxiety
* We light candles, fires, or decorate trees and houses with lots of lights to drive away the darkness.
* We also find comfort and peace in the quiet dark.
* We sleep in the dark.
* Darkness of the tomb.
* Darkness of the womb.
* When do we fear the dark?

* We can’t see what is around us, threatening us.
* We can’t see the way out/forward.
* Shadows and shapes become monsters.


* When is darkness welcomed?

* When we want to sleep.
* To hide away the annoyances of our life.
* So we can see the stars.
* We close our eyes to meditate or pray so we are not distracted.
* I can open myself up to others because I don’t have to see their reaction and they can’t see mine.


* When I was living with alcoholism but without recovery, life seemed very dark. I could not see a “way out”. And in the actual darkness, in the quiet of the night when I couldn’t sleep, my problems, my anxieties, my fears, my hopelessness were magnified. They were monsters coming out from under the bed, from the closet, to attack me. In that time of my life, darkness was not a friend, darkness was to be feared.

Readings
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, March 3.
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 38.
Our topic for next week is twofold: How did recovery work in your life this year? And what aspirations and intentions do you have for the coming year? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
War: Slippin Into Darkness

Simon and Garfunkel: Sound of Silence

The Five Satins: In the Still of the Night

Lauren Daigle: You Say

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 272 272 full false 36:34 Mary Pearl T on Step 5 – Episode 271 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/#comments Tue, 18 Dec 2018 04:33:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4362 Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this? Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I hope that her openness,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/mary-pearl-t-on-step-5-episode-271/feed/ 1 Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this? Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. Why does Step 5 ask us to share “the exact nature of our wrongs”? What do we gain from this?



Continuing our series of talks by Mary Pearl T, we come to Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” I hope that her openness, honesty, and humor enlarge your understanding of this step that is so critical to our recovery.




Links



Karen shared her understanding of Andrew Wyeth's painting “Christina's World”, and sent a link.



She also quoted from From Survival to Recovery, one of the “gifts of Al-Anon.”



Amy wrote about the book Undrunk, A Skeptic's Guide to AA, and the insights she gained from it.



Music



Halsey: Without Me









Bing Crosby: Count your Blessings (from White Christmas)









Bear’s Den: Agape






]]> The Recovery Show 271 271 full false 36:54 Do you Believe? – Episode 270 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/#comments Tue, 11 Dec 2018 06:24:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4348 Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence? What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments)What happens when you view them as miracles rather...

The post Do you Believe? – Episode 270 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/12/do-you-believe-episode-270/feed/ 3 Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence? What “higher power moments” have you experienced?



Do you believe all things happen for a reason?Do you believe that God can do for us things that we can’t do for ourselves?Do you believe in coincidence, or that there is no such thing as coincidence?



What “higher power moments” have you experienced? (Step 2 moments)What happens when you view them as miracles rather than coincidences?When have you said “I have no idea how that happened?” (and were grateful for it!)



Today, we're talking about miracles, coincidences, and belief. We share some of our own and some of yours. We might follow this outline:



* Definitions of “miracle”*

* a surprising and welcome event that is not explicable by natural or scientific laws and is therefore considered to be the work of a divine agency.

*

* a highly improbable or extraordinary event, development, or accomplishment that brings very welcome consequences.

*

* Scrabble points: 11 (http://www.dvorkin.com/scrabscor.php)

* Definitions of “coincidence”*

* a remarkable concurrence of events or circumstances without apparent causal connection

*

* Scrabble points: 18

* What miracles have you experienced in your life?* In your recovery (if different).* When you view a positive, unexplained event as a miracle instead of a coincidence, how does that change your experience? * How does it change you?* “When I seek, I find; when I look, I notice.”



Readings and links



* How Al-Anon Works, Step 12* Hope for Today, July 29.* Quote from Einstein* Psychology Today: How to Use Meaningful Coincidences* Wikipedia article about Miracles.* Books about God Winks.* The podcast episode about our first meetings.



Music and video clips



Miracle on 34th Street: clip “Susie Believes”









The Polar Express









The Loving Spoonful: Do You Believe in Magic






]]> The Recovery Show 270 270 full false 1:24:19 Gratitude 2018 – Episode 269 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/#comments Tue, 27 Nov 2018 03:15:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4341 What are you grateful for in 2018? Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude. Readings I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5. Kelly recommended a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson. Cristianne ordered Knock Knock...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/gratitude-2018-episode-269/feed/ 1 What are you grateful for in 2018? Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude. Readings I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5. Kelly recommended a book, What are you grateful for in 2018?
Sure, I can write a gratitude list. I am grateful for those of you who sent in your expressions of gratitude.
Readings
I read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, May 5.
Kelly recommended a book, Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents, by Lindsay C. Gibson.
Cristianne ordered Knock Knock Okay Fine, I'm Grateful! Inner-Truth Journal.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Sly & the Family Stone: Thankful n' Thoughtful

ZZ Top: I Thank You

Earth, Wind & Fire: Gratitude

 
]]> The Recovery Show 269 269 full false 42:01 Mary Pearl T on Step 4 – Episode 268 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/#comments Sat, 17 Nov 2018 19:50:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4325 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

The post Mary Pearl T on Step 4 – Episode 268 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/mary-pearl-t-on-step-4-episode-268/feed/ 3 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 268 268 full false 29:12 What about Gratitude – Episode 267 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/#respond Tue, 06 Nov 2018 04:39:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4321 What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget? At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress. Once a month, we read a few questions from this...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/11/what-about-gratitude-episode-267/feed/ 0 What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget? At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, What about gratitude? How do you practice gratitude? Or, do you more often forget?
At two meetings this week, I was reminded of the importance of practicing gratitude in my life. Saturday morning, we were working from the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress. Once a month, we read a few questions from this book and each share our own responses. This month, in the chapter titled Character Traits, we examined our responses to the questions under the heading of Thankful / Ungrateful. The questions are:

* Am I thankful for present blessings?
* Have I ever made a list of things I am grateful for?
* Do I take time to express my thanks to my Higher Power?

These questions made me stop and think, because I realized that I had fallen away from a daily practice of gratitude.
Some gems from the sharing: Gratitude jar, “Gratitude is an antidote to fear”
And then, Sunday night, we read from One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, the November 4th reading. (read it) For me, this reading highlights an opposite trait to gratitude. When I focus on the things that I am dissatisfied with, I find myself in a self-reinforcing attitude. Al-Anon gives me tools to move out of that place, if I choose to use them.
As we move into November, and the US season of Thanksgiving, my thoughts eventually turn to the things I am thankful for.
What are you thankful for? Are you thankful for present blessings? Do you make lists of thinkgs you are grateful for? Do you take time to express your gratitude to your Higher Power? Call or write us with your responses, and your sharing will be included in a Thanksgiving episode Gratitude 2018.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Or visit our contact page for all the ways you can share in our conversation.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 267 267 full false 30:39 Singleness of Purpose – Episode 266 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/#respond Tue, 30 Oct 2018 17:00:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4316 Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose? It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. It’s brought me to reflect again on how amazing this...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/singleness-of-purpose-episode-266/feed/ 0 Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose? It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. Why do we gather in Al-Anon groups? How do we maintain our singleness of purpose?
It’s been hard this week not to lose hope and to give in to despair about the divisiveness and even hate that seems to be the norm for society today. It’s brought me to reflect again on how amazing this program of recovery is. We come together in Al-Anon for one purpose: to recover from the effects of someone’s drinking or addiction on our own lives. This is the only reason we are here, and somehow we manage to keep the disagreements and debates out. How does this work?
Al-Anon has 12 traditions that help to guide us in how we conduct our meetings and ourselves in reaching for recovery. Several of these relate to this concept of “singleness of purpose.” These are:
Tradition 5, which defines that purpose: “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics.”
Tradition 3 says that this is our only reason for coming together: “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation.”
Traditions 6, 8, and 10 set some boundaries on how we express our singleness of purpose.
6: Our Al-Anon Family Groups ought never endorse, finance, or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems … divert us from our primary spiritual aim.
8: Al-Anon Twelfth-Step work should remain forever nonprofessional…
10: The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues…
Let’s look at some these, guided by questions from the book Paths to Recovery.
Tradition 5

* How do I describe our primary purpose?
* How can I guide [newcomers] to focus on the alcohol-related aspects of [their] problems?
* What does comfort mean to me? How can I extend that to another person?

Tradition 3

* Do I welcome all who attend our meeting even if they are different from me…?
* Do I treat each member and potential member with unconditional love?
* How can my group welcome members of other programs and maintain our Al-Anon focus?
* Do I leave my other affiliations and interests outside the doors of Al-Anon?
* How can I treat others with tolerance, acceptance and love?

Tradition 6:

* Why do we not “endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise”?
* How can I discourage members, without embarrassing them, from bring outside enterprises into our meetings.

Tradition 8:

* Do I willingly share my ESH with those who are suffering from the family disease of alcoholism?
* How can I share with others without trying to fix them?
* At meetings to I speak as an export or as a fellow member?

Tradition 10:

* How do I concentrate on our common bonds rather than on our differences?
* If someone does bring up what I think is an outside issue, how can I gently bring discussion back to our Al-Anon approach?
* Am I defensive because someone doesn’t agree with me?  How do I respond?

Readings and links
I read from Courage to Change, February 21.
I mentioned Anne Lamott's book Help, Thanks, Wow, which I also talked about in episode 111, Prayer.
A correspondent talked about how helpful the book Choosing to Forgive by Diane DeLong Clark had been for her.
Upcoming
An upcoming topic is about miracles or coincidences. Maybe you call them a “Step 2 experience”.How have you experienced miracles or coincidences as messages from your higher power? Big or small?]]> The Recovery Show 266 266 full false 51:03 In all our affairs: Step 1 plus dementia – Episode 265 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/#comments Tue, 23 Oct 2018 02:56:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4307 Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today. In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. I had recently returned from visiting my parents. I suddenly...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/in-all-our-affairs-step-1-plus-dementia-episode-265/feed/ 3 Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today. In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. Step 12 asks us to “practice these principles in all our affairs”. This has led me to a new insight into how Step 1 is active in my life today.
In a recent meeting, we read the Step 1 chapter from our book Paths to Recovery. I had recently returned from visiting my parents. I suddenly realized that if I substituted the word “dementia” for “alcoholism”, that the step took on new relevance to my life.
I got a suggestion for a topic of miracles or maybe coincidences. How have you experienced miracles or coincidences as messages from your higher power? Big or small? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com and share your experience, strength, and hope.
The producer of the podcast Recovered suffered a computer failure, and is asking for support to buy a new computer so he can continue to produce the podcast. If you have found value in Recovered, please consider making a donation at recoveredcast.com/donation.

Music from the show
Protomartyr: Ellen

Liz Longley: Unraveling

William Michael Morgan: I Know Who He Is

 
]]> The Recovery Show 265 265 full false 44:49 Mary Pearl T on Step 3 – Episode 264 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/#comments Tue, 09 Oct 2018 01:59:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4304 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-3-episode-264/feed/ 1 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 264 264 full false 16:56 Mary Pearl T on Step 2 – Episode 263 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/#comments Tue, 02 Oct 2018 02:27:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4299 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/10/mary-pearl-t-on-step-2-episode-263/feed/ 1 As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. As promised, here is a presentation by Mary Pearl T on Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”
Our topic for next week is Step 3. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 263 263 full false 33:36 Karen B – Third time is the charm – Episode 262 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/#respond Wed, 26 Sep 2018 23:59:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4290 This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics. Her aunt took her to Alateen. She says she loved the slogans, but she didn't stick with it. In her early twenties,...

The post Karen B – Third time is the charm – Episode 262 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/karen-b-third-time-is-the-charm-episode-262/feed/ 0 This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics. Her aunt took her to Alateen. This week, Karen B tells her story and shares her experience, strength, and hope. Karen grew up in a loving family that nonetheless carried the family disease — in adult children of alcoholics.



Her aunt took her to Alateen. She says she loved the slogans, but she didn't stick with it. In her early twenties, when she was dating the man who became her husband, she went to Al-Anon to see whether she thought he was an alcoholic. The stories she heard were so much worse than her experience, she decided he was not one. 5 years later, she came back, “propelled” into Al-Anon by the chaos in their home. This time, she grabbed onto the program as a lifeline.



Readings



Karen read from Courage to Change:



* July 5, Detachment* March 15, Forgiveness



We talked about an Al-Anon pamphlet, “The Merry Go Round named Denial”, which seems to be out of print. I found a version of it on the internet.



Karen mentioned her “serenity cubes“.



Coming next



In the next couple weeks, because of my travel schedule, I will be sharing Mary Pearl T's talks about Step 2 and Step 3. Step 2 says “We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.”  Step 3 is “We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understood him”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the show



Idina Menzel — Let It Go









Dave Matthews — The Best of What's Around









Madonna — Rebel Heart









The music we open and close the show with is Teleportationism by Nostalgic Afterlife. If you enjoy it, you should check out his other compositions on Bandcamp.
]]> The Recovery Show 262 262 full false 1:15:28 Enabling or Empowering? – Episode 261 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/#comments Wed, 19 Sep 2018 03:19:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4278 How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead? What does the dictionary say? Merriam-Webster 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living b : to make...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/enabling-or-empowering-episode-261/feed/ 3 How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead? What does the dictionary say? Merriam-Webster 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: tr... How have you enabled your loved ones’ alcoholism? What is enabling, anyway? How do you know when you’re doing it and when you are empowering them, instead?

* What does the dictionary say?
* Merriam-Webster

* 1 a : to provide with the means or opportunity: training that enables people to earn a living
* b : to make possible, practical, or easy: a deal that would enable passage of a new law
* c : to cause to operate: software that enables the keyboard
* 2 : to give legal power, capacity, or sanction to: a law enabling admission of a state


* From Urban Dictionary

* Enabling
Shielding a person from the consequences of a destructive behavior; Allowing a person's destructive behavior to persist by managing or minimizing the ill-effects of the behavior.”Enabling” vs. “Empowering”Enabling: supporting a person's behavior that (repeatedly/habitually) instigates a negative or destructive resultEmpowering: supporting a person's ability or effort in a positive or progressive endeavorEnabling can be as destructive as the behavior itself . . . a person enabling a destructive behavior is motivated by their need to do so and is gratified by reinforcing their superiority or control over that person; An “enabler” holds a person in an inferior state by denying them the motivation to change and therefore, the opportunity to grow.


* What does enabling mean to you?  How does that relate to the definitions we just read?
* Did you understand/head you heard of enabling before you came to Al-Anon?
* What are some ways in which you have enabled others' dysfunction/addiction/behavior?
* How can we (especially as parents) distinguish between supporting, helping, empowering, and enabling?

* Can we look at our motivations, expectations, fears?
* Slogans

* Let Go and Let God
* How Important is it?
* WAIT
* THINK


* Boundaries
* Detaching with love
* Clarity: “mine or not mine?”
* “When in doubt, don’t”
* Serenity prayer (knowing the difference)
* “Al-Anon pause”


* What are healthy ways to be supportive without enabling?

We read from or discussed these resources:

* Courage to Change, Jan 5 and Feb 1.
* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 26, “A Mother Lets Go And Lets God”.
* Wikipedia article “Enabling“.
* Psychology Today blog, “Are you empowering or enabling?“
* Hazelden Betty Ford, “What is enabling?“
* Through an Al-Anon Filter blog, “Helping or enabling?“
* In All Our Affairs – p. 76 “Choosing not to enable”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Katy Perry: Circle the Drain

Jason Mraz: Beautiful Mess

Reba McEntire – She Can't Save Him

The music we open and close the show with is Teleportationism by Nostalgic Afterlife. If you enjoy it,]]> The Recovery Show 261 261 full false 1:14:38 Meditation on September – Episode 260 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/#respond Tue, 11 Sep 2018 01:26:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4271 Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition? I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day.” She had that tone of voice, like it was the worst thing....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/meditation-on-september-episode-260/feed/ 0 Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition? I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day. Read a transcript of this episode.What does September mean to you? How do you handle times of transition?
I've been thinking about September. I guess it started with my wife commenting, as we walked to the car, “This is the first sweater day.” She had that tone of voice, like it was the worst thing. But then she said, “I can be grateful that there’s a whole season yet to enjoy before winter.” And, that’s the thing about September. It’s the end of summer, at least here in Michigan. Sure, we’ll have some more hot days, but we know it’s trending colder until midwinter. For children (and others), it’s the end of vacation, but also the beginning of a new school year.
September is a time of transitions. It’s a time of saying goodbye and a time of saying hello. The weather is getting colder, and the trees will start turning beautiful colors. The sultry heat of summer will give way to brisk days with bright blue skies.
For many of us, it’s a time to regroup. A time to put away our summer clothes, and our summer playthings, and our summer lethargy. It’s a time to get the sweaters out of the closet, a time to get out the snow blower and make sure it works.
At my church, it’s a time we celebrate coming back together for another year. I will greet a new roomful of 7th grade youth as we begin our new journey of discovery and learning together. It is the beginning of the new year in the Jewish calendar (September 10-11 this year, 2018 on the common calendar, which is the start of year 5779 on the Hebrew calendar).
This year, September also marks a transition in the health and lives of my parents, and in the way I perceive their health and life. The first weekend of September, I drove to where my parents live, so that I could be with them for a few days, as my mother is in rehab with a broken leg that she suffered in a fall a couple weeks earlier. I have heard that stress can worsen dementia (which they both have to some degree). This certainly seemed to be true, or else I just hadn’t perceived the extent of their dementia in our visit earlier in the summer.
They both seemed confused about what had happened and what was happening. My mother did not understand why she couldn’t just go home. We had to explain that she was in the rehab facility to get better, and that she needed to stay there until she had healed enough to go home. She seemed to understand for a little while and then it was gone. My parents have been married for 66 years and have rarely been apart for more than a few days. Being separated is hard for them. Seeing their confusion and unhappiness is hard for us. Not being able to fix it is hard. Sometimes not knowing even what to say or do is hard.
Which is not to say that it’s all bad. She is recovering, regaining strength, improving in her ability to walk a few steps (with the help of a therapist and a walker!) We had some pleasant time visiting, looking at old photographs and identifying the people in them. I brought an old photo album to her room one day. It had tiny black and white photos (about 2 ½ inches the long way). She looked at the first one, which showed some sort of public event, and said “That’s Mrs. Roosevelt at the White House egg hunt!” She was there and may have taken the photo herself. We don’t know exactly what year it was taken, but it was likely in the late 1930s or early 1940s. There were photos of her and her brother with their parents, including a photo of her as a teen, posing in her bathing suit on the beach. She was a beauty.
It is a time of transition for them, and for us. This was a sharp awakening to the realities of their life in their late 80s. Visiting their home, and working to make it ready for her to come home, possibly in a wheelchair, also opened our eyes to how much they had been struggling to just live normally.]]> The Recovery Show 260 260 full false 41:55 Mary Pearl T, Step 1 – Episode 259 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/#comments Wed, 05 Sep 2018 04:08:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4261 Mary Pearl T shares on Step 1, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Mary Pearl T, Step 1 – Episode 259 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/09/mary-pearl-t-step-1-episode-259/feed/ 1 Mary Pearl T shares on Step 1, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 259 259 full false 49:13 Perspective – Episode 258 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/#comments Tue, 28 Aug 2018 04:15:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4251 What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything? Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives”. What is perspective? From dictionary.com: the state of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/perspective-episode-258/feed/ 1 What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything? Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts a... What does it mean to “place our problem in its true perspective”? Can a change in perspective change everything?



* Our suggested opening says “as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives”.
* What is perspective?

* From dictionary.com:
* the state of one's ideas, the facts known to one, etc., in having a meaningful interrelationship: You have to live here a few years to see local conditions in perspective.
* the faculty of seeing all the relevant data in a meaningful relationship: Your data is admirably detailed but it lacks perspective.
* a mental view or prospect: the dismal perspective of terminally ill patients.
* a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance
* the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity: try to get some perspective on your troubles
* Scrabble points: 26


* Perception and attitude: perception is how i see things. Attitude is how I react. (http://sarahtauber.com/interesting-words/perception-vs-attitude-difference/ )
* How do I lose perspective?

* (Over) reacting in the moment.
* Dramatizing / awfulizing
* Minimizing (denial)
* Not looking at “the bigger picture”


* What happens when I lose perspective?
* How can I “put things in perspective” (https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-files/201702/putting-things-in-perspective)

* Ask yourself what is the cost to you and others of your reaction?
* Observe and describe rather than judging.

* HALT (Am I hungry angry lonely, or tired?, WAIT (why am i talking), THINK (thoughtful, honest, intelligent, necessary, kind)


* What can you still do? (Serenity prayer, first things first)

* Pause
* Serenity prayer


* Ask how you will feel in a week? A month? A year?

* Regret, shame, guilt? 8th step list?
* How important will this seem in the future?


* Consider it as an inconvenience instead of the “end of the world.”
* “Rational” comes from “ratio” — consider proportion


* Making crisis work for us (https://al-anon.org/blog/affairs-making-crises-work/ )

* Breaking through denial
* Slowly rising awareness
* Sudden revelation


* TED talk “transformative power of classical music”  — Story (from The Art of Possibility) about shoe salesmen in Africa, opportunity, and perspective. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9LCwI5iErE\
* Program tools

* Serenity prayer
* Let go and let God
* How important is it?


* Quotes: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/perspectives and https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/different_perspective



Readings
How Al-Anon Works:

* Chapter 16: Tradition 1
* Part 2, Chapter 16, “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
* Part 2, chapter 31, “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Courage to Change
...]]> The Recovery Show 258 258 full false 1:26:05 I am Powerless – Episode 257 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/#comments Wed, 22 Aug 2018 23:44:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4247 Read a transcript of this episode. A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, over the treatment that she gets, and over how...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/i-am-powerless-episode-257/feed/ 1 Read a transcript of this episode. A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, Read a transcript of this episode.
A “first step” meeting came at just the right time for me, this weekend. My mother had fallen and broke her leg. She lives almost 500 miles away, and I am powerless over the fact that she broke her leg, over the treatment that she gets, and over how she is feeling. I am using the tools of detachment with love, of finding the wisdom to change the things I can, and accepting the things that I cannot change. How do you find power is your powerlessness?
I read from Courage to Change, October 10.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 257 257 full false 15:40 Tom – His sister needed Al-Anon – Episode 256 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/#comments Thu, 16 Aug 2018 11:42:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4244 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, and carrying the message back to her. Eventually, he started to see...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/tom-his-sister-needed-al-anon-episode-256/feed/ 3 Tom grew up in a loving, chaotic family. As an adult, he found recovery for his alcoholism, but didn't know how to cope with the alcoholics around him. It wasn't until he decided that his sister needed Al-Anon, that he started attending regularly, Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Tom read from

* Courage to Change, March 14, p. 74.
* How Al-Anon Works, pp. 45-46

He also mentioned the Al-Anon 4th Step workbook, Blueprint for Progress.

Music from the show
Coldplay: Fix You

Paul Simon: Still Crazy after all these Years

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 256 256 full false 1:21:58 Speaker: Ann Marie R – Episode 255 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/#comments Tue, 07 Aug 2018 01:48:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4241 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.  

The post Speaker: Ann Marie R – Episode 255 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/08/speaker-ann-marie-r-episode-255/feed/ 1 This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. This week, I'm sharing a talk by Ann Marie R. I really enjoyed her humor, but also her ability to find gifts in troubles.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 255 255 full false 1:05:58 Parents of teen alcoholics and addicts – Episode 254 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/#respond Sun, 29 Jul 2018 12:21:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4235 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes. Our discussion was grounded...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/parents-of-teen-254/feed/ 0 How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help? Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, How can you detach from your teen alcoholic? What is your real responsibility when your child is an addict? How can Al-Anon help?
Mary and Ellen talk about their experiences as parents of teenage alcoholics and addicts. They share what they learned, and how they navigated their difficulties, fears, and hopes.
Our discussion was grounded in these questions:

* When/how did you become aware of your child’s behavior?
* Were you in Al-Anon at that point?
* How long did you struggle before you found Al-Anon?
* When were you able to admit that your child was an alcoholic or addict? What brought you to that understanding?
* What were some of the program tools and principles you used first?
* What were the hardest tools to apply?
* Did you feel that, as a parent, you needed to help or fix your child?
* What did you do to help/fix?
* Did you feel responsible for their behavior?
* What is the one thing you would say to a parent who is new to Al-Anon?

Readings
We read from or talked about this Al-Anon literature:
Courage to Change, February 17, “faith takes practice”.
How Al-Anon Works, p. 30, “don't pick up the rope”.
From Survival to Recovery, p. 267-268, the “Al-Anon promises”.
Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships, a new book from Al-Anon in which members share their challenges with all aspects of intimacy–physical, emotional and spiritual–in all relationships affected by the family illness of alcoholism.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Original Five Blind Boys of Mississippi: Leave you in the Hands of the Lord

Dave Brubeck: Take Five

The Beatles: Let it Be

 
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 254 254 full false 1:25:39 Denial and Acceptance – Episode 253 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/#comments Thu, 05 Jul 2018 14:58:08 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4221 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Definition from Merriam-Webster: psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/07/denial-acceptance-episode-253/feed/ 3 Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance? What is it? Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial? Did you admit to yourself or others the presence of alcoholism in your life? Why not? What happened when you broke through your denial into acceptance?

* What is it?

* Do we have to be somehow aware of a problem to be in denial?
* Definition from Merriam-Webster:

* psychology : a defense mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality
* — in denial: refusing to admit the truth or reality of something unpleasant; a patient in denial about his health problems


* Withholding from someone else but more especially from ourselves


* How did we experience it in our lives?

* In our alcoholic situations.
* With aging parents.
* With our own health.


* What it the relationship between denial and admitting?

* We probably have some form of awareness of a problem in order to deny it
* We must admit a problem exists to start to move out of denial.


* What tools have we found to combat it?

* “3 As”: awareness, acceptance, (alternatives,) action.
* The Steps themselves.
* Self-awareness (Steps 4 and 10)
* Listening to my inner voice / gut
* Support of a Higher Power (Steps 2, 3, 6, 7, 11)
* Honesty and Courage
* Compassion


* How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms?

* Serenity
* Freedom
* Accurate perception of myself, becoming the person I want to be
* Catch slips earlier
* Loss of fear



Readings on denial
How Alanon Works, Chapter Five, Pages 21 and 22
Hope for Today – pages 123 and 138 (May 2, May 17)
“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” From Survival to Recovery page 267, The Promises of Alanon – in Chapter “Joy is our Birthright”
Join our conversation
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Anna Graceman: Living in Denial

DiamondLyn: Self-Awareness Rap (to the music of Lauryn Hill’s Lost One)

Pam Tillis: Cleopatra, Queen of Denial
 
]]> The Recovery Show 253 253 full false 1:35:29 Spencer on Sober Speak – Episode 252 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/#comments Mon, 25 Jun 2018 22:52:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4217 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spencer-on-sober-speak-episode-252/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, Spencer was recently a guest on the podcast Sober Speak. At Sober Speak, you will find podcasts of people sharing their story of recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous, much like a speaker meeting. These men and women tell us about their experience, strength, and hope centered around the 12 steps of AA. Of course, he was telling his Al-Anon story.
John M created Sober Speak because he saw a need. Each episode features one guest telling his or her story, so it's sort of like a series of speaker talks, but in a conversational format.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:25:32 Spirit in Action Interview – Episode 251 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/#comments Tue, 12 Jun 2018 02:48:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4212 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/spirit-in-action-interview-episode-251/feed/ 1 Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. Spencer was recently interviewed on the Spirit in Action radio show and podcast. Spirit in Action brings you stories of people living lives of fruitful service, of peace, community, compassion, creative action and progressive efforts. We will trace the spiritual roots that support and nourish them in their service. Above all, we will seek out Light, Love and Helping Hands, being shared between our many neighbors on this planet, hoping to inspire and encourage you to sink deep roots and produce sacred fruit in your own life.
We talked about how I came to Al-Anon, about how the podcast came to be, and about how we provide healing to people affected by the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
You can listen to Spencer's interview on their website or by subscribing to their podcast.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 251 251 full false 22:08 Tom W talk – Episode 250 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/#comments Tue, 05 Jun 2018 02:32:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4208 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps 2 and 3. And, his description...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/06/tom-w-talk-episode-250/feed/ 1 This talk by Tom W, a member of Alcoholics Anonymous had so much recovery wisdom, I felt compelled to share it with you. I've heard it a few times already and every time, I get new insights. I was astounded to hear that a priest had trouble with Steps ... Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 250 250 full false 1:19:37 Force and Power – Episode 249 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/#comments Tue, 29 May 2018 04:35:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4203 Read a transcript of this episode. How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will Power: the capacity or...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/force-and-power-episode-249/feed/ 2 Read a transcript of this episode. How have you given away your power? Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions? How can you recover your personal power? Definitions Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, Read a transcript of this episode.
How have you given away your power?
Did you lose power over your life when you tried to force solutions?
How can you recover your personal power?

* Definitions

* Force: make a way through or into by physical strength, make (someone) do something against their will
* Power: the capacity or ability to direct or influence the behavior of others or the course of events
* Powerful: sturdy, influential, strong, compelling


* How we give away our power?

* Enabling
* Saying yes when we mean no
* Avoiding confrontation
* Feeling resentment, bitterness, anger, shame
* Fighting / taking the bait / picking up the rope
* Denial
* Losing track of what is acceptable
* Not setting boundaries or not keeping them
* Apologizing for things that weren’t ours to keep the peace


* Forcing (solutions)

* March 8, Courage to Change – Easy does it
* Force is the antithesis of recovery
* Trying to control drinking
* Punishing
* Hollow/idle threats
* Impossible ultimatums
* Working the program “hard”?
* Tom W said “I don’t believe ‘it works if you work it’. I believe it works if you let it.”


* How do we recover our power?

* The power we were born with to live our lives with peace and serenity
* Asking my higher power for help
* Al-anon Welcome: “… we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”
* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 16 “A Nun finds Spiritual Peace”
* Use the tools of the program
* Slogan: Easy does it
* Let go and let God
* “I don’t know.”
* Detaching with love
* Setting healthy boundaries
* Saying “no”
* Saying what we mean without saying it meanly
* Neutral responses (see page image below)
* Understanding consequences (mine and not mine)
* Changing the way I think is real power.



Read a transcript of this episode.
Upcoming topics include parenting a child who is an alcoholic or addict. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Linkin Park: Powerless

John Mayer: Gravity

Kenny Loggins: I'm Alright
]]> The Recovery Show 249 249 full false 1:14:06 Love, Relationships, and Step 6 – Episode 248 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/#respond Tue, 22 May 2018 05:27:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4193 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/love-relationships-and-step-6-episode-248/feed/ 0 What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything? Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, What do love, relationships, and Step 6 have to do with each other? Maybe everything?
Sometimes events come together in my life and form a message about a new step in my recovery. That happened for me this weekend. In order to tell this story, I’m going to have to talk about some books and concepts that are not part of the Al-Anon program, but that have meaning to me.
Friday night, my wife and I went to a workshop at our church on the “5 Love Languages.” It’s based on a series of books with that title. The basic idea is that there are different ways in which we feel loved. That some ways are more important to us than others. That we most often express love in the ways that we want to receive it. That our partners way of feeling loved is probably not the same as ours. And finally that if we don’t understand the way in which our partner feels most loved, it may weaken or destroy our relationship.
I had first encountered the 5 love languages several years ago when a friend in the program loaned me a copy of the book. At that time I was struggling with rebuilding my relationship with my wife, which had been severely damaged by her alcoholism. She had been sober for over 5 years, and I had been in Al-Anon about 10. As our book How Al-Anon Works says in the discussion of Step 1 (“We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable”), “Al-Anon does not promise … that sobriety will solve our problems or fix our relationships”. I read the book cover to cover, and came to a couple of realizations.
I’m going to come at those realizations from the loss or pain that brought me to them specifically. As a friend said in the workshop on Friday, paraphrasing from the book, it can help to think about where you most feel loss or pain in your relationship(s), when you are trying to decide which love language is most important to you.
And maybe I should talk about what those 5 languages are! Again, these are the ways in which you feel loved: According to the book, they are

* Words of appreciation: these can include compliments; thanks and gratitude for things you do, say, or be; or maybe the 3 simple words “I love you.”
* Acts of service: when someone does something for you.
* Physical touch: a caress; a light touch on the shoulder; a pat on the back; a hug or kiss; or sexual intimacy.
* Quality time: doing things together; simple conversation; sharing thoughts, plans, fears.
* Receiving gifts.

On to the realizations…
Number one is small but important (to me): My wife would often ask me to do simple things, which I thought she could just as easily do for herself, such as picking up something from the drugstore. (And not because I was going there already.) I would feel annoyed that she didn’t just do it herself — why did she need to ask me? The book helped me to see that one of the important ways my wife feels love … as you probably already guessed … is through acts of service. When I saw that, my attitude and response to her simple requests changed “180”. I saw that she was really asking me “Do you love me?” After that, whenever she asked me to do an errand, I could hear “will you show me your love by doing this thing for me?” And I could lovingly respond, “Yes.” Thus healing a small emotional scar in me, and helping me to feel closer to her.
The biggie, though, hit me hard. At this time I had developed a close friendship with another Al-Anon member. We would share long phone calls and emails, talking about program, but also just about our lives, thoughts, and feelings. Looking back on it from the perspective of several years, I can see that I became needy, that I placed a lot of my serenity in the hands of this oth...]]> The Recovery Show 248 248 full false 34:56 Negative into Positive– Episode 247 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/#comments Tue, 15 May 2018 12:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4188 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/topic-episode-n/feed/ 2 Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987. A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one. Nancy S speaks on “Negative into Positive” in this talk from 1987.
A listener asked about the story with the repeating phrase “maybe so, maybe not.” There are many versions of this on the internet. Here is one.
What have been your experience when what you thought was a negative became a positive?  Or vice-versa?
Links
The letter that Amber sent can be found on the Al-Anon blog.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
An anonymous listener recommended Record Boy by The Josephs.

]]> The Recovery Show 247 247 full false 50:42 Why do a Moral Inventory? – Episode 246 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/#respond Tue, 08 May 2018 03:54:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4180 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)? The questions...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/05/why-do-a-moral-inventory-episode-246/feed/ 0 Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway? Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. Why do we take inventory in Al-Anon? And what is a “moral inventory” anyway?
Spencer shares his answers to some questions about Step 4 from our book Paths to Recovery about the purpose of taking our own moral inventory. His answers were written in 2002, 2011, and 2018. How have they changed (or not)?
The questions are:

* Am I willing to look honestly at myself? What stands in my way?
* Have I sought help from my Higher Power, my sponsor, or other Al-Anon members?
* What suggestions have I tried to see if they might work?
* Do I understand the spiritual principle of an inventory?
* What do “searching” and “fearless” mean to me?
* What does “moral inventory” mean?

How would you answer these questions? Please share your thoughts. Call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dessa: The Crow

Aretha Franklin: Look into your Heart

Shannon and the Clams: Onion

 
]]> The Recovery Show 246 246 full false 39:22 Consequences – Episode 245 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/#respond Tue, 24 Apr 2018 12:49:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4172 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect; Setting Consequences I have to be...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/consequences-episode-255/feed/ 0 Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun a result or effect of an action or condition. Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others?
con·se·quence
ˈkänsikwəns
noun

* a result or effect of an action or condition.

synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect;

* Setting Consequences

* I have to be willing to enforce them.
* They should be realistic and relate to the behavior.
* They should impact the other person more than me!
* What is the difference between “threat” and “consequences”?
* When I set a boundary and consequences for violating that boundary, am I attempting to control or manipulate another’s behavior?


* Consequences of OTHER people’s behavior – Is NOT my business

* When I “do for others what they are capable of doing for themselves”, I set myself up as enabling, and deny them the natural consequences, good or bad, of their actions.  Resentment, disappointment, anger…
* When I try to instill consequences, punishment, discipline, I often exacerbate an issue and set myself up yet again, for resentment, disappointment, anger…
* A definition of “enabling” that I learned is “getting between someone and the consequences of their actions.” (see Courage to Change January 5, June 16)


* Consequences of MY behavior – IS my business

* When I take care of myself, …

* Feel better
* Act better
* Cope better


* When I do not take care of myself I…

* Blame
* Resent
* Slip into old behavior
* Get sick, angry, lonely, tired




* Mentioned or implied in several slogans including Live and Let Live, Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time
* Related topics – CONTROL, ENABLING, RESENTMENT, DETACHMENT, BOUNDARIES

Resources
We read from at least some of these articles.

* Al-Anon faces Alcoholism
* Unacceptable behavior and consequences (forum thread)
* Natural Consequences (Psychology Today)
* How to set Healthy Boundaries with Alcoholics and Addicts
* Natural Consequences (forum thread)
* 50 Quotes on Consequences (Psychology Today)
* Consequences on Brainy Quotes

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Ringo Starr: The No No Song

TLC: Waterfalls

Camila Cabello – Consequences

 
]]> The Recovery Show 245 245 full false 1:21:01 Carl H Open Talk – Episode 244 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/#comments Tue, 17 Apr 2018 02:34:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4167 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/carl-h-open-talk-episode-244/feed/ 4 Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote, When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, Thanks to Denise, who recommended this talk. She wrote,
When I heard you speak about violence in the non-alcoholic as a possible topic, I immediately thought of an Al-Anon talk I heard on the XA speakers website. It was by Carl H. from Hollywood, CA given in Calgary, Canada in 2010. He is an excellent speaker and addresses this topic head on concerning violence toward his alcoholic, in this case, his wife, as well as talking about how the program helped him heal in other relationships.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 244 244 full false 1:06:13 Recovery with Young Children – Episode 243 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/#respond Tue, 10 Apr 2018 13:32:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4160 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below. What questions have your children asked you about Alcoholism/addiction?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/recovery-with-young-children-episode-243/feed/ 0 How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you? Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, How do you talk to your children about recovery? What have they asked you?
Spencer talks with Megan about how she talks to her children about recovery. We are joined by shares from several listeners. Our conversation was wide-ranging, touching on topics from the list below.

* What questions have your children asked you about

* Alcoholism/addiction?
* Recovery?
* Meetings?
* Therapy? (“talk doctor”)
* Their father?
* Divorce?


* What have you said to them…?

* Mommy and Daddy’s first priority is to make sure that you are safe…
* It's never your fault when adults drink and act badly.


* How do you model recovery / healthy behavior for your children?

* Do they reflect it back?


* How do you communicate differently to different age children?
* What do you still struggle with in communicating to your children about alcoholism and recovery?
* What have you NOT told your children? Why?
* Do your children attend meetings?
* Would you bring your children to a meeting if it was the only way you could go?
* When did you need to put your recovery needs ahead of your children?
* Do you feel that you owe amends to your children?

* What for?
* (How) have you made amends?



Megan quoted from the Al-Anon Family Groups pamphlet, How Can I Help My Children?   
A listener asked about whether we have transcripts of the podcast. We don't. The best explanation I've found for why not is a blog post titled “The Dream of converting podcasts to text.”
Upcoming topics include violence by the “Al-Anon”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Avett Brothers: When I Drink
https://youtu.be/K30QM7iqbII
Martina McBride: In my Daughter's Eyes

Crosby, Stills and Nash: Teach your Children

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 243 243 full false 1:27:14 Don’t React – Episode 242 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/#comments Mon, 02 Apr 2018 20:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4152 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/04/dont-react-episode-242/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react? A listener wrote in with these questions. How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? Do you find yourself reacting without thinking? Does anxiety impel you to action? How can you pause and not react?
A listener wrote in with these questions.
How do I not act (or react) on the first impulsive thought or feeling? How do others sit with uncomfortable feelings? How do I act on God's will not my will? Letting time pass, a month or longer or a week or few days seems impossible when i am so anxious. How do you deal with that??
How also to know God's time as I'm a naturally impulsive person and have always done things fast. Any fear I have makes me say something I regret later or take action too soon, as i don't give myself enough time to write and meditate and breathe.

* My first thought is about the “Al-Anon pause button”. But then, the question is: “How do I remember to use it?”
* A couple of helpful slogans:

* “How important is it?” (Courage to Change, August 15)
* “First Things First” (How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 9)


* The thing: It takes practice!
* My experience with just about any “defect of character”

* First I become aware of it.
* Then, I notice it after I do it.
* After a while, I notice it while I’m doing it.
* Eventually, I’m able to notice when I’m about to do it.


* Don’t “kick myself” while I’m trying to learn a new way to be.
* Awareness, Acceptance, Action!
* How to “sit with it”. The reading from Courage to Change, January 10 about worry may be helpful.

Our topic for next week is talking to small children about recovery. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brad Sucks: Overreacting

Norma Jean: Reaction

Astrid S: Think Before I Talk

A TED talk
I mentioned this TED talk in “my week in recovery”.

 
]]> The Recovery Show 242 242 full false 30:36 Freedom – Episode 241 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/#respond Tue, 27 Mar 2018 00:25:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4143 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life? What does it mean to me (now) that...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/freedom-episode-241/feed/ 0 What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery? Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline. Definition of freedom? Many definitions… Do I believe that freedom only comes from being ... What does freedom mean to you? What freedom have you found in recovery?
Eric suggested this topic, and we were loosely guided in our conversation by this outline.

* Definition of freedom? Many definitions…
* Do I believe that freedom only comes from being in control of my life?
* What does it mean to me (now) that “freedom can only come from acceptance”?
* The blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter” says
If I want peace, I must give my program away to others. If I want growth, I must give up my belief in my own “rightness.” If I want serenity, I must give up self-will, and be open to my Higher Power. If I want freedom, I must give up my need to control.
…
If I want real, lasting change, I must give up my safe misery.
* (How) do I understand this in my life?
* Concept Three 
The Right of Decision makes effective leadership possible.

* We have the right to decide, to make choices. This is a powerful idea and one that many of us may have lost sight of growing up in families that were dysfunctional.
* “When I began studying Concept Three, I found the answer. It wasn’t alcoholism that bothered me. It was someone taking away my right of decision.” Reaching for Personal Freedom p. 132


* What freedom(s) have I found in recovery?

* Free to live my life. I don’t have to follow the whims and wishes of my loved one (I can choose to do so, but I don’t have to.)
* Free to take care of myself (instead of my loved one).
* Free to grow.
* Free to laugh.
* Free to make choices.
* Free to know myself.
* Free to let go of the past (but not wish to shut the door on it).
* Free to find gratitude in the little (and the big) things, even when some part of my life sucks.
* I am becoming Free FROM;

* Despair
* Sadness
* Loneliness
* Isolation
* Anxiety
* Blame
* Resentments
* Feeling trapped
* Fear
* Anger
* Guilt
* Shame
* Dependence (on others)
* Expectations (of others)


* I am become FREE TO;

* Live and Let Live
* Let It Go
* Surrender without giving up
* Say No (and feel good about it)
* Detach, with love
* Set boundaries
* Allow consequences to happen
* Love, not need
* Walk away
* Feel, without fear
* Say what I mean
* Go slow
* Enjoy solitude
* Be happy
* Have choices
* Take risks
* To be wrong
* Trust
* Laugh more (Promise 12)


* Who knew!?  (as my sponsor said yesterday when I read him my list… 😊)


* We want to be “happy, joyous, and free”

Upcoming topics include is talking to young children about recovery. Also parenting in all its aspects. And, violence by the “Al-Anon” in a relationship. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
We read from the blog “Through an Al-Anon Filter”, which you can find at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/. The post about freedom is at http://al-anonfilter.blogspot.com/2009/05/freedom.html
During “our lives in recovery”, Spencer mentioned a poem he had heard at church. Here is a link: https://twitter.com/mfolboston/status/968838064389881857?]]> The Recovery Show 241 241 full false 1:14:47 Linda L Open Talk – Episode 240 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/#respond Tue, 13 Mar 2018 17:43:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4138 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Linda L Open Talk – Episode 240 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/linda-l-open-talk-episode-240/feed/ 0 I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California. I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I'm on vacation this week, visiting my brother in southern California.
I'm sharing with you the talk given by Linda L at the March Roundup 2018 in Dearborn, MI.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 240 240 full false 1:09:31 March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/#respond Wed, 07 Mar 2018 03:00:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4131 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers. From Friday...

The post March Roundup 2018 – Episode 239 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/03/march-roundup-2018-episode-239/feed/ 0 Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there? This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, Have you been to an AA or Al-Anon convention or round up? What did you find there?
This week, I attended “March Roundup 2018”, an AA convention with Al-Anon participation in Dearborn, Michigan. My wife and I both went and attended sessions together, with a mix of AA and Al-Anon topics and speakers.
From Friday to Sunday, we attended workshops on

* God Consciousness
* The Al-Anon traditions
* Double Winners – the AA’s value of using Al-Anon
* Early AA Escapades
* 4 Important pages – 23 and 24 (Step 1, basically) In the “big book”: http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_22.htm and following; in the “12 and 12”: https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step1.pdf
* Dr. Bob’s Farewell talk, https://www.aa.org/pages/en_US/dr-bobs-farewell-talk
* Principles in our relationships

And we heard 6 speakers:

* Danny D (AA)
* Linda L (Al-Anon)
* Matt R and Summer B (Alateen)
* June G (AA)
* Earl H (AA)

As always, there was much more that we wanted to do than we had time and energy for. Activities extended into the night, both Friday and Saturday, with additional workshops, fun, games, and dancing. However we went home to get our sleep (about 45 minute drive). And Saturday and Sunday both started at 8AM, which we definitely were not able to make it that early.
I want to express my joy to the listeners who approached me to say “thank you” for this podcast. I do this podcast for my recovery and for yours, and it is always encouraging to hear how it helps you. We saw friends from our home groups and shared some recovery with them, too.
If you’ve thought about attending a “round up” or convention, I strongly encourage you to do so. If you’re afraid you’ll be singled out as an Al-Anon, I can honestly say that nobody asked me what program I was in. At this one, we made our own name badges, which could say as much or as little as we wanted. Everybody was warm and welcoming, and we got so much recovery wisdom. (Granted, not all the presenters were excellent speakers, but they all had something meaningful to share.)
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener wrote and asked about a flowchart I had mentioned a while back, where all the choices eventually lead to “don't worry”. She wanted to know where to find it. Here's one version: https://lifehacker.com/this-flow-chart-tells-you-when-to-worry-about-anything-1638610395
]]> The Recovery Show 239 239 full false 46:39 Myrtle A. Open Talk – Episode 238 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/#comments Tue, 27 Feb 2018 00:41:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4127 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/myrtle-open-talk-episode-238/feed/ 1 Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it. Myrtle A speaking in Lusk, WY in 1996. Myrtle says she is her own worst problem. And that she has kicked “poor me” out of the house. But she is also a thief: she will “steal your responsibility faster than you knew you had it.” I hope you enjoy and get as much from her talk as I did.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 53:00 Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/#comments Tue, 20 Feb 2018 02:46:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4114 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years...

The post Healing the Trauma of Alcoholism – Episode 237 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/healing-the-trauma-of-alcoholism-episode-237/feed/ 1 What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it? I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. What trauma has alcoholism brought into your life? How are you healing from it?
I didn’t realize it, but by the time I came to Al-Anon, I had been traumatized by the disease of alcoholism. Al-Anon is helping me to heal from this trauma. I recognized recently that it’s not over, even almost 16 years later.
Recently, I heard of 3 simple steps that can help us to heal from traumatic stress. (Simple, not easy!) I have to admit that I don’t completely understand how to apply them, but what I know is that my progress in Al-Anon has followed these 3 steps. They are:

* Act

* I came to Al-Anon. I wasn’t sure why I came, except that I didn’t know what else to do.
* I kept on coming, just because each time I felt a little better.
* I listened and identified with what members said in meetings.
* I read Al-Anon literature (this was huge for me in reducing anxiety and enabling me to sleep.)


* Act with others.

* I can’t do it all by myself. That is the essence of Steps 2 and 3:
Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
* I asked another member to be my sponsor. This was my first step to acting with others. I didn’t use my sponsor very effectively, but I did call when I didn’t know how to act or deal in a situation.
* I met with other members and formed a step study group (AWOL = A Way Of Life). We met weekly for about 2 years, working through the 12 steps together.
* Working through Step 4, “Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”, with others helped me to see that I am not uniquely broken, and that other people have suffered similar trauma.
* Step 5, “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”, has been essential in healing my guilt and shame over my past actions. Until I open up to another person, I am not relieved of my pain. In this way, Acting with another is essential to my recovery.


* Act from your wise mind.

* The concept of “wise mind” comes from dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT). It has been described as the combination of intellectual thought and emotional thought. OK. What’s that mean for me?
* One way I see this action in my program is in Steps 6 and 7. In working Step 6, I try to reach a fullness of understanding and acceptance of my “shortcomings”. Some shortcomings are easy to accept intellectually — I can see the negative effects of my procrastination — but hard to accept emotionally — I am somehow driven to procrastinate but I don’t really know why. Practicing mindfulness can help here. By letting my thoughts just pass by, I start to find acceptance of what is true rather than what I want to be true.
* Other shortcomings are obvious emotionally but not so much intellectually. My fear of financial insecurity is/was one of these. I knew I was afraid, but I didn’t know what I could do about it. I couldn’t get out of it by reasoning. In fact, my reasoning mind told me that I should just do the things I was afraid of: check the bank balance, pay the bills on time, make a budget. I had to bring the emotion and the reason together to accept that I needed to ask for help.
* When I have reached intellectual and emotional acceptance of a shortcoming, then I am entirely ready to have it removed, and I can move on to Step 7 where I ask for just that.
* Many of the components of the Al-Anon program help me to act from my wise mind, by reaching understanding and acceptance of what is true.

* The disease concept of alcoholism was foreign to me and I rejected it at first. I had to learn about how addiction affects the brain,]]> The Recovery Show 237 237 full false 1:08:08 Fear of Financial Insecurity – Episode 236 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/#comments Tue, 06 Feb 2018 12:52:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4071 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Cash advances Balance transfer Borrow from parents. Take money from retirement (is this amends?) Can I...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/02/fear-of-financial-insecurity-episode-236/feed/ 2 Do you dread mail from your bank? Are you anxious about paying the bills? Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation? What is my experience? Ignoring the problem We’re just fine. Just use the credit card. Do you dread mail from your bank?
Are you anxious about paying the bills?
Can you see a “way out” of your financial situation?

* What is my experience?
* Ignoring the problem

* We’re just fine.
* Just use the credit card.


* Cash advances
* Balance transfer
* Borrow from parents.
* Take money from retirement (is this amends?)
* Can I win the lottery??? (no)
* Refinance the house.
* Worry, anxiety, can’t sleep.
* The problem is drinking — too expensive.
* Bankruptcy?  No! Not an option!
* Bank balance anxiety…

* Don’t check it.
* But be afraid of the envelope (later, the text message)
* Step 6/7 — ask for help, and receive it.


* How to recover? How to not be anxious all the time?
* Sobriety helped, but not the only answer.
* Make a plan to pay off credit card balances.
* Tradition 7
* General Warranties of the Conference In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;


* Where am I today?

* Credit cards at zero.
* Loans taken to pay off credit cards almost zero.
* Home line of credit is the next target.
* Student loans — refinance for lower interest. 5 years to go.
* We were able to recarpet our home from savings, not credit!
* But it took time.



Upcoming topics include parenting. In particular, if you are the parent of an alcoholic or addict, we'd love to hear your fears, experience, strength, and hope. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
Courage to Change, Dec 11
How Al-Anon Works, Chapter 31 “Letting Go of a Loved One’s Alcohol, Drug, and Money Problems”

Music from the show
Hank Thompson – Six Pack to Go

Abba – Money, Money, Money

Macklemore and Ryan Lewis – Make the Money

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 236 236 full false 48:03 Slogans part 2 – Episode 235 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/#respond Thu, 01 Feb 2018 03:49:44 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4064 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/slogans-part-2-episode-235/feed/ 0 How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”? 3 slogans for today. Let it begin with me. Is it worth my serenity? First things first. How do you use slogans? Do you “let it begin with me”? When do you ask yourself “Is it worth my serenity?” How do you “Live and let live”?

* 3 slogans for today.

* Let it begin with me.
* Is it worth my serenity?
* First things first.


* For each slogan: How do I understand the slogan?
* What did I think when I first heard each slogan?
* Has my understanding changed?
* How have I applied the slogan in the past? Now?
* The “Al-Anon declaration” includes the words “Let it begin with me” twice. Why?

* LET IT BEGIN WITH ME—When anyone, anywhere reaches out for help, let the hand of Al‑Anon and Alateen always be there and LET IT BEGIN WITH ME


* Do I use “Let it begin with me” to remind me that my recovery comes first?

* Sort of like the “oxygen mask” metaphor?
* “Isms” and “if you spot it, you got it”


* What happens when I ask “Is it worth my serenity?” How does it change the way I react to situations?
* Do I use “first things first”

* To reduce frustration, fear, or uncertainty?
* To help me move forward one step towards a goal I don’t know how to reach?
* To help me choose from several “next steps”?



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Readings
We opened with a reading from Chapter 9 of How Al-Anon Works, Slogans.
Later, we read from Courage to Change, April 18 and December 2.

Music from the show
The Isley Brothers and Santana – Let there be Peace on Earth (and Let it Begin with Me)

Read more about this song.
Godsmack – Serenity

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – First Things First

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 235 235 full false 1:23:37 Carol S open talk – Episode 234 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/#comments Tue, 23 Jan 2018 02:02:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4060 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska. Upcoming topics include some slogans. What...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/carol-s-open-talk-episode-234/feed/ 2 Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Eric and I had planned a discussion about slogans, to follow up on our first one in episode 131. But life intervened, so we had to ask “how important is it?” and to put “first things first.” Thus, I'm sharing an open talk by Carol S of Omaha, Nebraska.
Upcoming topics include some slogans. What is your favorite slogan? Or, maybe more importantly, what is the slogan that you use almost every day? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 234 234 full false 52:32 Making a Decision – Episode 233 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/#comments Tue, 16 Jan 2018 04:54:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4051 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/making-decision-episode-233/feed/ 2 Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us? I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for... Step 3 asks us to “make a decision” to turn our will to the care of a higher power. Why is this so hard for many of us?
I looked back over 15 years at the 3 times I have worked step 3, and found the answers I wrote in 2002, 2011, and 2017 for these questions about making a decision.

* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
* How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
* Am I willing to turn my problems over? What could help me be willing?
* How can I stop thinking, trying, and considering, and actually make a decision?
* Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
If I am unable to make a decision, what holds me back?

How would you answer these questions? Share your responses so we can read them in a future episode.
Upcoming are two more parent episodes. For one episode, please share your experience, strength, and hope about being the parent of an alcoholic or addict.  For the other, how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Audio versions of three Al-Anon books are now available:
The Al-Anon online store has links to purchase the books from Audible, Amazon, or iTunes. Here are direct links to purchase them through Amazon: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, How Al-Anon Works, Courage to Change: One Day at a Time in Al-Anon II.
A description of the “persistent illusion” can be found in the book Alcoholics Anonymous starting on page 30. Here is one online copy that you can read.
The original “3rd Step Prayer” and several variants of it can be found at the “Friends of Bill W.” website.
A listener asked about the song “Drowning's Better (with your friends)”, which can be found at the Bandcamp page for Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful.
Music from the show
Just Decide by I Fight Dragons

Free to Decide by The Cranberries

Choose by Hightown Parade

More songs about making decisions are in this Spotify playlist.

]]> The Recovery Show 233 233 full false 52:54 The Sober Parent – Episode 232 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/#respond Wed, 10 Jan 2018 17:28:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4043 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree? Taking everything on. Anger, rage and anxiety. “Parenting” your spouse? Jealousy/resentment of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/sober-parent-episode-232/feed/ 0 Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? What challenges do you face as the sober parent? Keeping your children safe Making decisions about how to parent. Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you?

* What challenges do you face as the sober parent?

* Keeping your children safe
* Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree?
* Taking everything on.
* Anger, rage and anxiety.
* “Parenting” your spouse?
* Jealousy/resentment of the “fun parent.”
* Attributing all “problems” to alcoholism.
* Decision-making.
* Not know what “normal” is.  Or what “healthy” is.
* Trying to parent together when you don’t feel strong in your marriage… or when its actually breaking/broken.
* Protecting anonymity while being honest on medical and education paperwork for my children
* Traveling for work and setting expectations for care of our kids knowing I really have no control over whether or not my wishes/expectations are upheld
* Not having control. Allowing kids to ride in the car or even just be at home alone with the alcoholic parent.


* How did you react to these before recovery?

* Resentment – LOTS
* Snide, snarky comments to spouse, spitefulness
* Anger, particularly misdirected anger
* Guilt and self-loathing
* Exhaustion
* Apathy
* Depression
* All or nothing attitude/perspective
* Relentless pursuit of “agreement” or seeing my viewpoint
* Lack of trust


* How has recovery changed the way in which you face these challenges?

* Living one day/one hour/one minute at a time.
* Setting boundaries
* Focus on myself… self-care, self-inventory, stay in my hula hoop
* Crazy thought train doesn’t stay as long
* Awareness of my anxiety and anger
* Learning to pause.
* Not as hard on myself
* I don’t always feel compelled to make decisions right away
* I’m learning to let go of outcomes
* I’m learning the difference between true issues/problems and simply unmet expectations
* I apply program to my actions on a daily basis (first things first, how important is it, HALT, etc.)


* What is a typical day like now?

* More loving behavior with my spouse.
* More patience
* Make amends to my kids whenever necessary
* I hear from my Higher Power through my children
* More loving and accepting of myself and more compassionate toward my spouse, which creates a more peaceful environment
* Imperfect – some days i feel like i’m right back where i started, but that doesn’t last as long


* How do you face the fears and worries that you have for your children?

* How do my children see me? My spouse?
* How can I be the parent my children need? The parent they want?
* How can I not transmit my resentment and anger at my spouse to my children?
* But: fear of what’s to come in my children’s lives.


* What tools do I want to give to my children?

* “Pause”
* God Box  (kind words, deep breaths)
* Acceptance of their emotions
* A parent who is approachable and thoughtfully responds rather than reacts



Upcoming topics include parenting an alcoholic/addict child, and how recovery has changed the way in which you are a parent. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children

David Haas: The God of Second Chances

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show 232 232 full false 1:17:24 Begin in Stillness – Episode 231 https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/#comments Tue, 02 Jan 2018 04:36:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4036 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.) You don’t...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2018/01/begin-in-stillness-episode-231/feed/ 1 Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come. What do you want to let go of from the last year? Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, Begin the new year in stillness, in contemplation of the year past and the year to come.

* What do you want to let go of from the last year?

* Write it down. Destroy what you have written (burn it, dissolve it in water, or crumple it up and throw it in the trash.)
* You don’t need to share this with anyone. It is just for you.
* As you destroy it, feel yourself letting go of the anger, the fear, the anxiety, the resentment, the desperation, or the sorrow.


* What aspirations do you have (for yourself) in the new year?

* Write it down. Put it someplace you will re-encounter it throughout the year. Maybe in your wallet or purse, maybe tucked into the sandals you will wear when summer comes. Let it remind you, when you have forgotten all about it, what you wish for yourself.
* What is the difference between an aspiration and a resolution? Why is this important?


* What gift would you like to give to someone else for the coming year?

* Try for a single word, a short phrase, or a picture.
* Give it to someone else. Preferably a stranger, maybe someone you don’t even know who. Leave it in a library book. Tack it on a community bulletin board at a store. Be original.



Share your responses to these questions with us by email or voice.
Upcoming topics include parenting. From at least these 3 perspectives: Being the sober parent. Being the parent of an alcoholic or addict child. And how has recovery changed the way you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Black Angels – Life Song

Kendrick Lamar – FEEL.

MILCK – Quiet

 
]]> The Recovery Show 231 231 full false 1:01:19 The Family in Recovery – Episode 230 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/#respond Mon, 25 Dec 2017 14:00:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4028 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more...

The post The Family in Recovery – Episode 230 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/family-recovery-episode-230/feed/ 0 In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA. Upcoming topics include parenting.
In this recording from the 2010 AA Woodstock of the South, Bob B, Polly P, Ralph W, Michael E, Bill R, and Linda B share their experiences of family recovery in Al-Anon and AA.
Upcoming topics include parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more information about joining our conversation. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show 230 230 full false 1:03:04 Holiday Expectations – Episode 229 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/#respond Tue, 19 Dec 2017 04:33:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4019 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family, or dread it? Or are you spending this time alone?...

The post Holiday Expectations – Episode 229 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/holiday-expectations-episode-229/feed/ 0 As we enter into a season where many of us are celebrating an end of the year holiday — Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, New Year — what expectations do we have? What anxieties does this season provoke? Do you look forward to spending time with family,
* By expecting it to be just like it was.
* By having unrealistic expectations.
* This year, everyone will be happy and glad to spend time together.
* Dreading family dysfunction.
* How can we set realistic expectations or let go of expectations?
* How can we protect our serenity?
* What can we do differently?

I was inspired, in part, to this topic by the following article in the June, 2017 issue of the Forum, which reminded me of an experience I had when I was just a couple of years into recovery.
I Asked God To Guide My Words
By Anonymous
One of the countless new skills I began to learn when I came to Al-Anon was managing my expectations. My need to improve in this area was especially evident whenever I was anticipating a visit with my alcoholic son, who lives in another part of the country. Beforehand, I would build up the visit in my mind’s eye, picturing our family laughing together, doing fun things, talking easily and affectionately about our lives.
But it was never like that. Conversation was constantly strained. It was hard to find any safe topics. Our son didn’t seem to want to talk about his work, social life, whether he was working his program or much of anything else. He wasn’t particularly interested in doing any of the things I thought would be fun. My rosy expectations bore absolutely no resemblance to what really took place.
As a result, these visits left me feeling hurt, disappointed, frustrated, sad, regretful, hopeless and even a little angry. I definitely had to get my head into a better place.
With my Sponsor’s guidance, I began to study Al-Anon literature on the topic of expectations. I soon discovered that there is a close relationship between my expectations and my level of acceptance—or lack thereof—regarding the circumstances of my life. My expectations were unrealistic because I had not truly accepted the realities of my son’s life and their impact on mine. I was simply turning a blind eye to how things really were—not denial, but not full acceptance either.
In preparation for the most recent visit, I armed myself with lots of study, prayer, reflection, writing in my journal and a commitment to constantly seek my Higher Power’s guidance. I literally asked God to guide every word I said and everything I did. While I hoped the visit would be, at the very least, pleasant and congenial, I no longer harbored glowing images that had no roots in reality.
The visit went better than any of the previous ones, and afterward I felt somewhat at peace. There had been times of real connection and other periods when each of us just went our own way, giving each other plenty of space. I relaxed and didn’t try to force things into a mold that would never fit our life. I hope future visits will be even better, but I’m grateful to have learned a new way of dealing with my expectations that I can apply to all areas of my life.
Reprinted with permission of The Forum, Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters., Inc., Virginia Beach, VA
I'm planning some episodes about parenting, but I need your help. Share your experience as the sober parent. What have you learned about being a parent to your alcoholic or addict child? How has recovery changed how you are a parent? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with experience, strength and hope. Our contact page has more info...]]> The Recovery Show 229 229 full false 38:07 Trust and Trustworthy – Episode 228 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/#respond Wed, 13 Dec 2017 05:24:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=4013 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com) Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/trust-and-trustworthy-episode-228/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy? What is trust? firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary. Do you have trouble trusting other people? Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?

* What is trust?

* firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. (Dictionary.com)


* Do you have or have had trouble trusting other people?
* Do you have people you trust?  How do you know they are trustworthy?
* Do you have a Higher Power you can trust?
* What is the difference between trust and faith or is there a difference?
* If we developed an ability to trust, how have we done that?  with meetings?  the program/steps?  the tools? slogans? (I find that each of these has a role in developing trust).
* Can you trust yourself?
* Can others trust you?
* When I don’t trust someone what am I feeling?

* Fear.
* Fear of being judged – ties in with perfectionism, low self esteem, unloveable
* Fear of being hurt – emotionally, physically, intentionally and unintentionally.


* Trust to me is having the confidence that another person is not going to harm me intentionally.

* Sometimes the lack of trust is an issue on my side of the street
* Sometimes the other person has not shown themselves to be trustworthy
* Often I would assume that I couldn’t trust someone to be thoughtful of me because of my past experiences or my way of thinking.


* Slogans / Tools for building trust:

* One Step/Day at a Time (Tincture of Time)
* Act as If in less important situations
* Keep an Open Mind (helps with jumping to conclusions, esp. About negative intent)
* Let it begin with me


* Building others' trust in me

* Traditions – learning to co-exist with others
* Concepts – learning to work in an organization



Upcoming topics include parenting, being the sober parent, and being the parent of an addict or alcoholic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Trust in Me – Stewart Holloway from the Jungle Book movie

Trust – Christina Perri

Olivia O'Brien – Trust Issues


]]> The Recovery Show 228 228 full false 1:30:41 Five Years of Recovery – Episode 227 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/#respond Wed, 06 Dec 2017 04:45:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3993 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? 6 years ago — the only...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/12/five-years-recovery-episode-227/feed/ 0 The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you? How did it happen? The first episode of The Recovery Show was posted to the internet on Dec 10, 2012. It’s hard to believe that we are now 5 years and 227 episodes in. What has 5 years of podcasting meant to me? What has it meant to you?

* How did it happen?

* 6 years ago — the only “podcasts” I listened to were NPR shows like “Car Talk” and “Wait Wait Don’t Tell Me”.
* I first heard about recovery podcasts from my friend Mark, who produces “Recovered”
* I asked him to be my sponsor in early 2012, and he said “would you like to be in my podcast?”  I had to think about it!
* Started guest hosting in Recovered Spring 2012.
* Said “we should do an Al-Anon episode”. Mark responded “You should do an Al-Anon podcast!” What?!
* Thought about it. Talked to some friends about it. Decided to give it a try.
* Early December 2012, Kelli, Swetha, and I recorded our first “pilot” episode with a conversation about boundaries. The audio quality was not good, but we decided to post it anyway.
* I bought some microphones and a mixer, and by episode 4, we decided it was no longer a “pilot.”
* During the next 11 months we consistently had 3 hosts for each episode, and sometimes an additional guest.


* Changes!

* In October, 2012, Kelli and Swetha decided they could not continue with the podcast.
* What to do!?
* Episode 47, “Changes” records my reaction, as I tried to draw on my program tools, and move forward.
* I was challenged to find co-hosts, because I thought I needed to keep the conversational format we had developed in the preceding 11 months.
* Bringing in remote co-hosts.
* First remote co-host in episode 55 with Ruth from Germany!
* First solo episode: 66 “codependency”.  Challenging myself to do it differently, feeling insufficient.
* Later feedback is that people like both formats.


* Struggles

* Consistency: format, schedule
* Finding co-hosts
* Keeping track of requests and offers!
* Expectations — particularly what I expect you expect of me!


* Gratitudes

* That Mark suggested it
* That Kelli and Swetha were consistent co-hosts, co-creators in the first year.
* For all of you who express your gratitude to me.
* For all of you who contribute your ESH to the show.
* Especially for those who have co-hosted, or who have offered to co-host, even when I lost track of your offer.
* To Ruth and Akilah, who were my co-hosts for the Traditions and Concepts episodes.
* For your questions and topic suggestions.


* How has my recovery benefited?

* I have to “dive deep” into a recovery topic almost every week.
* I have to move outside my comfort zone, to reach out to co-hosts and ask them for the gift of their time.
* The “Step 10 inventory” aspect of “our week in recovery”.


* What now?

* Keep on as we have done?
* What changes would you like to see?
* Episode formats: conversation, solo, speaker.  What else?



Upcoming episodes include 3 parenting topics: being the sober parent in an alcoholic marriage, parenting an addict or alcoholic child, and parenting in general. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lori McKenna – Drinkin' Problem

Michael Jackson – Man in the Mirror

Sam Cooke – A Change is Gonna Come

]]> The Recovery Show full false 44:20 Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/#respond Sun, 26 Nov 2017 20:30:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3988 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email...

The post Your Gratitude 2017 – Episode 226 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-2017-episode-226/feed/ 0 I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes. I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude ... I asked you to share your gratitude with me. Many of you did so, and this episode highlights your voices and your gratitudes.
I also put together a playlist on Spotify, included below, that doesn't even scratch the surface of the songs about gratitude and thankfulness. I'm sure I missed your favorite, so please email your suggestion (or comment below).
Next week's episode will mark 5 years of The Recovery Show. I will be looking back over the last 5 years. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Darius Rucker: This


 
]]> The Recovery Show 226 226 full false 11:50 Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/#respond Wed, 22 Nov 2017 06:10:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3976 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions. Some challenges were Not controlling. Anger Impatience “Hurt people hurt people”...

The post Parenting as an Adult Child of Alcoholics – Episode 225 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/parenting-adult-child-of-alcoholics-episode-225/feed/ 0 What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children? What program tools have you used, and how have they helped? What is your biggest challenge now? Several listeners shared their experience around these an...

* What challenges have you found, as an adult child of an alcoholic, in parenting your own children?
* What program tools have you used, and how have they helped?
* What is your biggest challenge now?

Several listeners shared their experience around these and similar questions.
Some challenges were

* Not controlling.
* Anger
* Impatience
* “Hurt people hurt people”

And some tools for better parenting include these:

* Step 10 — apologize and make amends to our children.

* Demonstrate humility and honesty — see it in the children


* Tradition 11 — let it begin with me (attraction rather than promotion)
* Tradition 1 — unity — guard against dominance — not about “me” but about the family
* Tradition 2 — a trusted servant (a trustee) to the children — they have their own higher power
* Tradition 4 — autonomy except where it affects others
* Tradition 10 — no opinion on outside issues — let the child dress how she or he wants to dress
* Tradition 7 — self supporting — allow children opportunity to be self supporting to build dignity, respect, responsibility.
* Concepts of service — shared responsibility (co-parenting)

* We love the presentation in the Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook, because it helps us understand how we can use the Traditions and Concepts in our own lives, in our families, and other relationships.


* Step 11 — “I don’t own my children, God owns them” — need knowledge of God’s will.
* Easy does it
* How important is it?
* Detaching with love.

* “Don’t argue with alcoholics, toddlers, and terrorists.”
* Let them express emotions without needing to change them


* Sharing program with children.
* “What am I hurt about?”
* Pause — the “Al-Anon breath”

Our topic for next week is gratitude. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com to share something you are grateful for today.

Music from the show
DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince – Parents Just Don't Understand

John Mayer – Daughters

Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young – Teach your Children

 
]]> The Recovery Show 225 225 full false 1:21:39 Gratitude – Episode 224 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/#comments Tue, 14 Nov 2017 03:02:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3971 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. That my adult children choose to spend time with me...

The post Gratitude – Episode 224 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/gratitude-episode-224/feed/ 4 As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for? Here are some things I am grateful for That I have a program of recovery. Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving. As we approach the US holiday of Thanksgiving, I naturally think about the things I am grateful for. What are you grateful for?
Here are some things I am grateful for

* That I have a program of recovery.
* Our dog is a sweetheart, so loving.
* That my adult children choose to spend time with me and share their life with me.
* Although it snowed Thursday evening, on Friday morning it was sunny and pretty.
* That, as a sponsee reminded me, I have a roof over my head, a furnace that works, and a warm blanket.
* That you share your experience, strength, and hope with me and with the other listeners of this podcast. You make the podcast better and stronger by your presence.

What are you grateful for? Call or email with one thing you are grateful for this year, this month, or just today. Or, if you wish, share a gratitude list with us. I will compile your responses into an episode to be published on the US Thanksgiving weekend (last weekend in November). Please send your contribution by November 25, 2017.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
I read a bit from this Vox article about the Netflix show Jessica Jones, and its depiction of drug use and addiction.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 18:04 Sally C. open talk https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/#respond Mon, 06 Nov 2017 23:02:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3965 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't...

The post Sally C. open talk appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/11/sally-c-open-talk/feed/ 0 I got a lot from this open talk by Sally C, speaking in 1984. A couple highlights from her talk: She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it? What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why... She found exactly what she was looking for in her first meeting… But what was it?
What we think and what is real are two far different things … this is why maybe they shouldn't have that slogan around that says “think, think, think”! What event lead her to this realization? What was the result?
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:01:55 (In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/#respond Tue, 31 Oct 2017 04:14:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3961 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with...

The post (In)sanity and (Un)manageability – Episode 222 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/insanity-unmanageability-episode-222/feed/ 0 How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life? Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How? How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior? Spencer reflects on these questions. How has the alcoholic situation affected my sanity and my life?
Have I allowed the alcoholic situation to become my Higher Power? How?
How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the alcoholic behavior?
Spencer reflects on these questions.
How would you answer these questions? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Jamila Woods: Holy

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 29:31 Fran G Open Talk – Episode 221 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/#comments Wed, 25 Oct 2017 12:03:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3957 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.

The post Fran G Open Talk – Episode 221 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/fran-g-open-talk-episode-221/feed/ 1 We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991. We present for you an open talk by Fran G., speaking in 1991.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 50:57 Courage – Episode 220 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/#respond Tue, 17 Oct 2017 04:54:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3948 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer: God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I...

The post Courage – Episode 220 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/courage-episode-220/feed/ 0 How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can?

* We use the word “courage” a lot in this program. Most of our meetings start with the serenity prayer:
God, Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference
* What does the word “courage” mean to you?

* In the past?
* Now?


* When were some moments in which you found “the courage to change the things you can”?

* Coming into your first Al-Anon meeting?
* Sharing in a meeting?
* Calling another Al-Anon member?
* Asking someone to be your sponsor?
* Setting (and holding to) a boundary?
* Not enabling your loved one.
* Taking your 4th step inventory?
* Sharing your “wrongs” with someone in the 5th step?
* Making amends?


* How have you found courage in recovery?

* Faith and trust in the program, sponsor, higher power.
* Little steps lead to confidence in bigger steps.


* Finding the courage live your own life with your authentic truth. (24 hours at a time.)
* Step 11 “power to carry that out” == courage

Upcoming topics include parenting. As an adult child of an alcoholic, how can you not pass that on to your own children? What have you learned in recovery about being a better parent? Or, alternatively, what is your experience as the parent of an alcoholic or addict? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener called, looking for an e-book version of the Blueprint for Recovery 4th step workbook. To my knowledge, this is not (yet) available in electronic format. Some Al-Anon literature is available as E-Books. A variety of small publications are also available for free download from the Al-Anon website.

Music from the show
The Killers: Rut

Fleetwood Mac: Landslide

The Wizard of Oz: If I only had the Nerve


]]> The Recovery Show 220 220 full false 57:39 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/#respond Tue, 10 Oct 2017 03:53:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3945 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners. How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other? How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life?...

The post 3 P’s: Perfection, Procrastination, Paralysis – Episode 219 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/3-ps-episode-219/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it. Do you find yourself seeking perfection? Do you procrastinate because you can't achieve it? Or, maybe, you are paralyzed because of it.
We explore the 3 P's, guided by the questions below and with shares from listeners.

* How do Perfection, Procrastination, and Paralysis connect to each other?
* How have I experienced perfection(ism) in my life?
* How (and why) do I procrastinate?

* What is the payoff from procrastinating?


* When do I experience paralysis?

* What behaviors do I exhibit then?


* How can I use the “6 P’s”(from our book Paths to Recovery) of Step six?  Thanks to Cleaning Out the Old Toolbox blog for these reflections:

* Perspective: think of defects of character as “survival skills that no longer serve me”. Since my Higher Power wants more for me than mere survival, I can let them go and trust that I will develop healthy behaviors and thinking.
* Pain: Whenever the pain of staying the same hurts more than the pain of change, that’s the time when I will be ready.
* Prayer: My part is to pray for openness & willingness; God’s part is to do the removing.
* Patience: God gets to choose when and how fast He will remove my defects of character.
* Process: Quite possibly, this is a grief process of denial, anger, bargaining and depression.
* Payoff: The bottom line–what am I getting out of holding on to some of these defects of character? What is still good about it?


* How can I let go of 3 P’s?

* Slogans

* Progress, not perfection
* First things first
* How Important is it?
* Do the next right thing.
* Keep it simple.
* Easy does it.
* Let go and let God.


* Steps

* Step 4 — identify my character traits
* Step 5 — be honest about them!
* Step 6 — become ready to let go of what is not helping me
* Step 7 — Ask for the help (and practise new behavior)


* Acceptance that nothing is/will be perfect. Ever.
* Gratitude



Our upcoming topic is courage. The word courage appears in the serenity prayer, from which the title of one of our daily meditation books was taken: Courage to Change. How have you experienced courage in your recovery? Which steps required courage of you? How has recovery given you courage to change the things you can? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Episodes mentioned in this show are: Episode 203, Adult Children of Alcoholics; Episode 200, Daddy's Medicine; and Episode 22, Parents' Roundtable.

Music from the show
The Exciters: Tell Him

Elvis Presley: A Little Less Conversation

Forest: Much Ado about Nothing

 
]]> The Recovery Show 219 219 full false 54:50 Charlotte I Open Talk – Episode 218 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/#respond Tue, 03 Oct 2017 01:39:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3942 I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Charlotte I Open Talk – Episode 218 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/10/charlotte-open-talk-episode-218/feed/ 0 An open talk by Charlotte I I really enjoyed and connected with this open talk by Charlotte I. I hope you do, too.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show 218 218 full false 1:00:38 Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/#respond Tue, 26 Sep 2017 04:44:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3939 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems. Learning codependent behavior —...

The post Spencer T Open Talk – Episode 217 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/spencer-t-open-talk-episode-217/feed/ 0 An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now? It includes reflections on: Learning at a young age that it was ... An Al-Anon open talk presented by Spencer T, host of The Recovery Show, in September, 2017. The talk has the “traditional” structure: What was it like? What happened? What is it like now?
It includes reflections on:

* Learning at a young age that it was my responsibility to “fix” everyone's problems.
* Learning codependent behavior — that I could not be happy unless everyone around me was happy.
* What happens when these behaviors meet up with alcoholism? (Hint: it's not pretty.)
* How long did it take before I finally realized I needed help? And that Al-Anon might be the place to find it?
* What did early recovery look like for me?
* How did I find an answer to that question that plagues so many of us: “Should I stay or should I go?”
* What did the steps look like when I first encountered them? What do they mean to me now?
* How has recovery helped and supported me in all aspects of my life?

Please consider sharing your story for our upcoming 5-year anniversary episode in early December, 2017. See our contact page for information on how you can contribute your voice.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:06:11 Willingness – Episode 216 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/#comments Tue, 19 Sep 2017 12:15:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3937 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? Definition What does this word mean to me today? How is that...

The post Willingness – Episode 216 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/willingness-episode-216/feed/ 1 A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, "Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?" What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from? A member asked another member to be their sponsor. The response was, “Are you willing to do what I did for as long as I did it to get what I have?” What would your answer be? Where does that willingness come from?

* Definition
* What does this word mean to me today?
* How is that different from how I understood it in the past?
* Where does willingness appear in the Steps?
* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
* But also: Step 4 — willingness to look deeply at ourselves.
* Step 5 and 6 — willingness to change.
* Step 11 — willingness to deepen our relationship with a higher power.
* In fact, we can find it in all the steps!
* Eric noted that you can put the word “willing” in front of each step: Step 1, “Became willing to admit we were powerless…”, etc.
* Acronym: HOW — Honest, Open, and Willing. This is HOW the program of recovery works.
* How did I become willing?

* Examples of others — your stories of using the principles of the program in your own recovery helped me be willing to try them for myself.
* Pain — “hitting bottom” over and over in different ways. Eventually willing to try something, anything new.



A few tidbits from the episode:
Psychology Today article: 5 Ways to Really Get Closer to Each Other
Phone meetings web site.
And the quote from Marilyn Monroe that Spencer mentioned: “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Prince: Willing and Able

Jason Mraz: I'm Yours

Rush: One Little Victory

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:08:38 Welcome – Episode 215 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/#respond Tue, 05 Sep 2017 03:58:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3922 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem...

The post Welcome – Episode 215 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/09/welcome-episode-215/feed/ 0 How were you made welcome to recovery? How are we welcoming to others? This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in... How were you made welcome to recovery?
How are we welcoming to others?
This episode was inspired by hearing the poem In Sweet Company by Margaret Wolff. Listen to the podcast to hear the poem, which spoke to me of the way I was welcomed and accepted in the Al-Anon program. I reflect on the poem with these questions.

* How did I receive the welcome expressed in this poem?
* How have I gifted this welcome to others?
* How have I failed to be welcoming?
* How can I be more welcoming?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Thanks to Margaret Wolff for permission to share her poem in this episode. Purchase the book In Sweet Company: Conversations With Extraordinary Women About Living A Spiritual Life from Amazon, or visit her website In Sweet Company.

Music from the show
Björk: Come to me

Kelly Clarkson: Hello

Pink: F**king Perfect

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:02:04 Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/#respond Fri, 01 Sep 2017 03:54:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3913 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions. Definitions. Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss, How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery?...

The post Sadness and Loneliness – Episode 214 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/sadness-loneliness-episode-214/feed/ 0 How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between lonely and alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings? How were you lonely and sad? Is there a difference between loneliness and being alone? How has recovery helped to relieve these feelings?
Eric and Spencer explore loneliness, sadness, and recovery guided in part by these questions.

* Definitions.

* Sad, despair, isolated, grief, loss,


* How did you deal with (or not deal with) sadness before recovery?

* What brought you sadness?
* What other emotions went with it?
* How did you act?


* When were you lonely?

* What other emotions went with it?
* What was your “self-talk” when you were lonely?
* How did you act?


* How has your recovery changed this?
* How is being lonely different from being alone?
* Did you used to resist being alone?
* How has that changed?

We made reference to a couple of articles from Psychology Today.
The Surprising Antidote to Loneliness
The Value of Sadness
A previous episode on Hope (episode 65) was mentioned.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Smokey Robinson and the Miracles: The Tears of a Clown

Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Train: I'm about to come Alive

Our “bumper” music is Teleportationism by Mad Hugs. Our thanks to the artist for permission to use it.
Mad Hugs – Whale by Mad Hugs
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:07:44 Cynthia C Open Talk – Episode 213 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/#comments Tue, 22 Aug 2017 02:00:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3910 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Cynthia C Open Talk – Episode 213 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/cynthia-c-open-talk-episode-213/feed/ 3 An open talk by Cynthia C, speaking in 1986. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 46:31 I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/#comments Tue, 15 Aug 2017 03:06:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3906 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love...

The post I didn’t get sober for this shit – Episode 212 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/didnt-get-sober-shit-episode-212/feed/ 3 What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add? I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.” I related to it in so many ways, What are you discarding from your life in your recovery? What are you keeping? And what do you want to add?
I recently found a blog post titled “I didn't get sober for this shit.”
I related to it in so many ways, and I'll share a few with you in this episode. I'd love to hear how you connect. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Alanis Morissette – That I would be Good

Tracy Chapman – Fast Car

Eminem – Going through Changes

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 55:47 Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/#comments Wed, 02 Aug 2017 12:39:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3900 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. What is kindness? What is courtesy? Ways of being kind and courteous: Smiling and saying “hi”...

The post Kindness and Courtesy – Episode 211 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/08/kindness-courtesy-episode-211/feed/ 2 How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones? Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives. How do kindness and courtesy help us live live more serenely and happily? Can we be kind to our alcoholic or addicted loved ones?
Eric and Spencer share their experiences of how kindness and courtesy work in their lives.

* What is kindness?
* What is courtesy?
* Ways of being kind and courteous:

* Smiling and saying “hi” to people I interact with in my daily life — bus driver, checkout person at the grocery store, co-workers.
* Realizing that the person who cut me off on the highway has their issues, and those are not mine is being kind to myself.
* Responding courteously to anger keeps me calmer and may defuse a tense situation.
* Keeping my mouth shut when I want to lash out!


* We read from Al-Anon literature:

* How Al-Anon Works, chapter 12, Communication, the section “How we say what we say”. (Also available as a Kindle e-b0ok.)
* Courage to Change, April 13. (Kindle version.)
* One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, January 20 and October 25.


* And from a couple of articles from Psychology Today:

* Kindness
* The Positive Psychology of Kindness



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Glen Campbell: Try a Little Kindness

Serena Gomez: Kill 'em with Kindness

Jackson Browne: Tender is the Night

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 50:25 Living with death – Episode 210 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/#comments Thu, 27 Jul 2017 03:17:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3897 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, D shares her experience...

The post Living with death – Episode 210 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/living-death-episode-210/feed/ 1 Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past? This show is sort of a story in 3 parts. First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one. Next, Do you fear your loved one will die? How can recovery help us live with death of those we love? What if that death was long in the past?
This show is sort of a story in 3 parts.
First, Spencer talks about fearing the death of his loved one.
Next, D shares her experience and feelings around the death of her loved one.
Finally, Michelle explores the ways in which recovery has helped her in accepting the deaths of her parents, which occurred long before she found this program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Aerosmith: Amazing

The Verve: The Drugs Don't Work

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:01:41 Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/#comments Tue, 11 Jul 2017 14:49:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3892 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made...

The post Mary Pearl T on Steps 6-9 – Episode 209 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/mary-pearl-t-steps-6-9-episode-209/feed/ 2 Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. She talks here about Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9. Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry. Mary Pearl is open and honest, with a wonderful sense of humor. This is part of a longer talk, so it starts in the middle of an anecdote. She talks here about Steps 6, “Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”, 7, “Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings”, 8, “Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all,” and 9, “Made direct amends to such people, wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Her talk is full of stories from her own life, which make me grin, make me think, and make me cry.
On Step 8: “I had hurt nearly everyone that I had ever come in contact with that I had allowed to care for me.”
She ends with her understanding of the promises.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:22:26 Humility – Episode 208 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/#comments Tue, 04 Jul 2017 04:32:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3888 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble What is the difference between humility and humiliation? Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement? How does humility help keep me...

The post Humility – Episode 208 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/07/humility-episode-208/feed/ 2 Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change? Is humility the same thing as humiliation? How does humility help me change?
Definition from Merriam-Webster:  freedom from pride or arrogance :  the quality or state of being humble

* What is the difference between humility and humiliation?
* Some have compared humility to teachability. How do you understand this statement?
* How does humility help keep me from trying to control people and situations?
* How Al-Anon Works says “True humility is based upon letting go of self-will and relying instead upon the will of our Higher Power.”
* In the “Lois’s Story” chapter in How Al-Anon Works, she writes, “‘Humbly’ was a word I never fully understood. It used to seem servile to me. Today it means seeing myself in true relation to my fellow man and to God.”
* What is the connection between anonymity, as we practice it, and humility?
* How is humility part of taking care of ourselves, rather than taking care of others?

Eric read from “The Paradoxical Power of Humility“.
Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's”, perfection, procrastination, and paralysis. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Melissa Etheridge: If I Only Wanted To

Tim McGraw: Humble and Kind

Mary Lambert: Secrets

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 56:08 Controlling Behavior – Episode 207 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/#respond Tue, 27 Jun 2017 03:32:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3883 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the...

The post Controlling Behavior – Episode 207 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/controlling-behavior-episode-207/feed/ 0 Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to? Do you believe you can control another person’s drinking? Or maybe all of their behavior? What consequences have your attempts to control led to?
I recently started working the steps with an AWOL group (A Way Of Life). In our first meeting, we agreed to address the first 5 questions about Step 1 in the book Paths to Recovery. (Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.)

* Do I accept that I cannot control another person’s drinking? Another person’s behavior?
* How do I recognize that the alcoholic is an individual with habits, characteristics and ways of reacting to daily happenings that are different from mine?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does that change how I deal with a drinker?
* How have I tried to change others in my life? What were the consequences?
* What means have I used to get what I want and need? What might work better to get my needs met?

Upcoming topics include “the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis”. We will also be addressing more questions from Paths to Recovery: How do I feel when the alcoholic refuses to be and do what I want? How do I respond? What would happen if I stopped trying to change the alcoholic or anyone else? How can I let go of another's problems instead of trying to solve them? Am I looking for a quick fix to my problems? Is there one? In what situations do I feel excessive responsibility for other people? In what situations do I feel shame or embarrassment for someone else's behavior?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Lesley Gore: You Don't Own Me

3 Days Grace: Just Like You

The Pretenders: I'll Stand By You

A Spotify playlist with some of the songs considered for this episode:

]]> The Recovery Show full false 44:17 It’s the Journey – Episode 206 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/#respond Tue, 13 Jun 2017 11:35:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3878 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”? Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery. “We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us...

The post It’s the Journey – Episode 206 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/its-the-journey-episode-206/feed/ 0 How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never "get it"? Recovery is a journey. How has your past shaped you? Do you sometimes feel you can't escape it, and that you will never “get it”?
Recently, I heard a couple of statements that, in my head, connected to recovery.
“We are not defined by what we did or who we were. Those are only the things that brought us to who we are now.”
“This is who I am now, and I know I will be different later. Life is about the journey, not the destination.”
Exploring these ideas:

* What are my expectations of myself?
* How are they shaped by my past experience?
* In what ways do they not match my current reality?
* How do I know?
* What program tools can help me see that I am not my past?

* Inventory (Step 4)
* Gratitude list.


* What tools can help me be more the person I want to be?

* Detachment
* Committing to change (Steps 6 & 7)
* Amends (Steps 8, 9, 10)
* Spiritual connection (Step 11)


* How does seeing life as a journey feed my serenity?

* Slogans: Progress not perfection. (not an official Al-Anon slogan?)
* Easy does it.
* One day at a time.



Upcoming topics include “The 3 P's: Perfection, Paralysis, and Procrastination”. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Allman Brothers: Change my way of Living
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDARlppOzLY
Otis Redding: A Change is Gonna Come

Indigo Girls: Closer to Fine

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 41:51 Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/#comments Tue, 06 Jun 2017 03:05:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3872 I connected with a lot of what Corrie shared. I hope you enjoy her talk as much as I did. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions...

The post Corrie L. Open Talk – Episode 205 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/06/corrie-l-open-talk-episode-205/feed/ 4 An open talk by Corrie L. speaking in 2014. Upcoming topics include the 3 P's: Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Paralysis. Do you find it hard to get started because you're afraid you can't do it perfectly? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:32:01 My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/#comments Tue, 30 May 2017 02:12:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3861 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health. How was my body affected...

The post My Body, My Codependency – Episode 204 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/my-body-my-codependency-episode-204/feed/ 2 The pit of my stomach is churning. My neck and shoulders are tense. I don’t have any energy. My whole body is out of whack. Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and o... The pit of my stomach is churning.
My neck and shoulders are tense.
I don’t have any energy.
My whole body is out of whack.
Do you feel this way? Have you felt like this? Let's take a look at how living with alcoholism or addiction can our bodies and our health.

* How was my body affected by the alcoholism in my house?

* Laying awake at night worrying — tired and sleepy all the time.
* “Knot in my stomach” — From “awfulizing” and “catastrophizing” the future and worrying about the present.
* Anger and resentment — tension in my body — muscle pain


* I had no energy for anything other than stewing about my situation.

* No exercise
* Poor eating habits (junk food)
* Weight gain
* Resulting in even less energy


* The things I did to try to dull the pain.

* Eating
* My own drinking


* Feedback effects

* Not taking care of my body leads to loss of energy
* Leading to depressed feelings.
* And worry about my health.
* Without the energy to “fix” it..
* Leading to more not taking care of my body.


* How does recovery change things?
* Letting go

* When I can “let go and let God”, I can loosen the knot of worry. I can relax the tension of anger and resentment. I can get go bed at a reasonable time, because I’m not sitting up late with worry or anger (or both!)


* “Take care of myself”

* Easier to do when I start letting go of taking care of my loved one.
* Eat “right”.
* Get some exercise.
* Getting enough sleep.


* Breathe
* Meditate

* Practice being still
* Relaxing physical tension


* HALT — Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired — When I am these things, I am more likely to “act out”. Being aware of the state of my body can help me live a calmer, more serene life.
* Putting myself (my health, my well-being) first

* Putting on my own oxygen mask
* Learning to support rather than control
* Practicing gratitude and acceptance



Readings
From Courage to Change: January 21, July 21, August 16, December 19.
From How Al-Anon Works: Chapter 12, Taking Care of Ourselves.

* Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.


Music from the show
Lissie: In Sleep

R.E.M: Aftermath

Télépopmusik: Breathe

Spotify playlist

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:02:37 Adult Children of Alcoholics – Episode 203 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/#comments Wed, 24 May 2017 02:46:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3775 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/adult-children-alcoholics-episode-203/feed/ 2 Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences? The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program tha... Did you grow up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family? How has this affected your life today? How can you recover from your childhood experiences?
The ACA or ACOA program was created in the 1970s by a group of Alateen members who needed a program that focused on recovery from their experiences growing up in alcoholic or dysfunctional families. It is a separate 12-step program similar to, but separate from Al-Anon. Emily joins Spencer to explore how ACA is different from but also works together with Al-Anon in her recovery.
Our conversation was guided by these questions.

What is ACA?

Maybe talk a little about the history? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit/EarlyHistory.s)
Fellow travelers – What we call fellow ACA’s


How is it different from Al-Anon?

The focus of Al-Anon is on adult issues or spousal drinking, vs childhood issues in ACA.


What is the “laundry list”? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Laundry_List)
How is the first step of ACA different? (http://www.adultchildren.org/lit-Steps)

“We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.”
Why is this important?


How do ACA meetings differ from Al-Anon meetings?

Inclusion
No crosstalk


How are they the same?

Common topics


How has ACA helped you recover?
What would you say to someone who is considering attending ACA?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Martin Garrix and Dua Lipa: Scared to be Lonely

Lissie: Worried About

Cage the Elephant: Come a little Closer

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:28:57 Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/#respond Tue, 16 May 2017 04:16:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3771 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Letting go of the Process – Episode 105 replay appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/letting-go-process-episode-105-replay/feed/ 0 Another busy weekend: Mothers Day and yard work. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow. I hope you enjoy this “retro” episode about Letting go of the Process with guest host Harriet, originally published in February, 2015.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:20:38 Sam V. Open Talk – Episode 202 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/#comments Tue, 09 May 2017 02:02:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3760 I really enjoyed this open talk by Sam V., who describes himself as “a man who thinks too much.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Sam V. Open Talk – Episode 202 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/sam-v-open-talk-episode-202/feed/ 2 An open talk by Sam V. Speaking in 2017. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 58:23 In All Our Affairs – Episode 201 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/#respond Tue, 02 May 2017 19:50:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3748 Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do. Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations,...

The post In All Our Affairs – Episode 201 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/05/affairs-episode-201/feed/ 0 Step 12 says "… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs". It's easy to say but harder to do. Step 12 says “… we tried … to practice these principles in all our affairs“. It's easy to say but harder to do.
Al-Anon doesn't do me much good if I pick and choose where I'm going to put it into practice. Program works best when I embrace it wholeheartedly: give up my excuses, rationalizations, justifications,
and work to make the principles a part of my daily, hourly, life. (…In All Our Affairs, Al-Anon Family Groups)
How do we take these things we talk about in here and try to learn from the meetings, and actually use / apply them to life, every day, in every way possible? Not just with our alcoholic or addicts, but with the line at the grocery store or the dreaded dmv, the person who insults or acts unkindly toward us, cuts us off in traffic, acts rudely or with hostility or anger, or takes advantage of us….?
I “carry” a “tool box” full of Alanon Slogans and sayings, and a spiritual canteen of positive past results experienced for times when I need refreshment or reminders of these results, in Life, not in the rooms. My tools are kept lubricated by prayer and meditation, calls to my sponsor and fellow members, reading, listening on phone meetings, participating in the program in various ways through service, attending meetings, and carrying the message to others by example and attraction.
Some things I do differently now:

* Asking for help.
* Taking responsibility for my actions. (Not blaming the cop for giving me a ticket.)
* Saying “no”.
* Doing my part and letting go of expectations of outcomes.
* Pause before I react. Slogans “THINK”, “How important is it?” are helpful.
* Using “neutral responses” such as “That’s Interesting”, “Let me think about that”, “I hear you”, “you don’t say”, “that’s one way to look at it”, or my favorite “Ah-Ha” or “Oh”

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

Jason Mraz: Living in the Moment

Mavis Staples: You are not Alone

Eric sent me this photo of his page of “neutral responses”. May they be of use to you.

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:04:20 Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/#comments Tue, 25 Apr 2017 09:56:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3742 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions: Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart: When you're five you don't know there's a stranger...

The post Daddy’s Medicine – Brinn Black – Episode 200 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/daddys-medicine-brinn-black-episode-200/feed/ 3 Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Brinn Black is a singer and songwriter from Nashville. She wrote a song, Daddy's Medicine, about her experience growing up with an alcoholic father. Our conversation with Brinn was guided by these questions:
Brinn, I have to say that the first few lines just grabbed my heart:
When you're five you don't know
there's a stranger in your home
it's quiet but it's dangerous.
But a child's heart can tell
the meaning of a yell
Although I did not grow up in a home with alcoholism, my children did. I saw their life from the outside, but not the inside.
What inspired you to write this song?
Can you tell us more about your experience as a child with an alcoholic father?
You have said “it tore your family apart” — did he, or the rest of you, leave because of the drinking?
I used to think that my love could conquer alcoholism. So I find the lyrics of the chorus particularly poignant:
How different my life would have been
if my love were stronger than
my Daddy's medicine.
I believe that these lines express the wish and hope of every one of us who has experienced the pain of living with active alcoholism. How did you mean these lines when you wrote them?
How has this song helped you and your family to heal?
How has this song been received when you perform it?
Where do you find yourself in your journey to recovery from your childhood experience?
What has helped you in this struggle?
Many of my listeners are still living with the effects of alcoholism. What would you say to someone who grew up affected by alcoholism, and is still working to “get over it”?
Our topic for next week is “in all our affairs”. How do you use your recovery tools and principles in your daily life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Brinn Black: Daddy's Medicine

Jason Shaw: Serenity

Brinn talked about her experience watching this video of a dance set to Sara Bareilles's song Gravity.

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 43:29 Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/#comments Tue, 18 Apr 2017 01:02:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3738 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of...

The post Roll Away the Stone – Episode 199 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/roll-away-stone-episode-199/feed/ 1 Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away? Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16: When the Sabbath was over, Is there a stone blocking the tomb of your soul? Have you crawled inside to escape the pain of life? How can we roll that stone away?
Yes, it’s Easter again. At this time, I am reminded of the biblical story from Mark 16:
When the Sabbath was over, Mary Magdalene, Mary the mother of James, and Salome bought spices so that they might go to anoint Jesus’ body. Very early on the first day of the week, just after sunrise, they were on their way to the tomb and they asked each other, “Who will roll the stone away from the entrance of the tomb?”
They were sure that they would not be able to roll it away themselves. And this is where many of us were when we came to Al-Anon. We were closed into the darkness of the tomb by a large stone, which we don’t know how to roll away and let the light in.
How did we get there?
I can speak only for myself.
Over the years, I slowly withdrew from active participation in life. I took “refuge from the world” and wrapped myself “in the security of darkness.” Although my life may have appeared normal on the outside, inside, I was numb and withdrawn. There was so much I (felt I) couldn’t share. So much shame and fear and anger and resentment that could not be expressed. I carried those “secret yearnings, pains frustrations, loneliness, fears, regrets, worries” hidden in the tomb, behind the stone.
Each time I failed at my self appointed task of “fixing” my loved one’s drinking … Each time I found a new reason for frustration and despair … Each time I followed my fear down the rabbit hole to inevitable ruin… Each time I exploded in rage at some slight provocation … Each of those times, I retreated further into the darkness of the tomb of my soul.
There is surely some comfort in numbness, in darkness, in retreat. I could turn inward and curl up, and escape the worries for a time. But even if my soul was entombed in darkness, my body still had to live in the world outside. There was no permanent escape, and each day I dug in a little deeper, numbed a little more.
As with the biblical story, I did not know how (or if) I could “roll away the stone.” And, actually, because the change had been so gradual, over such a time, I really did not recognize the depth of my entombment. It took a brief awakening, a “moment of clarity” to see that I was in the dark, and that I needed help.
The book of Mark continues “But when they looked up, they saw that the stone, which was very large, had been rolled away. As they entered the tomb, they saw a young man dressed in a white robe …”  They had the help of a power greater than themselves, symbolized by the “young man dressed in a white robe”.
And so it is with many of us. We need help to roll away our own stone, to let the light in and ourselves out of the place we have  walled ourselves into. I found that help in Al-Anon.
My stone was not immediately removed, but I did start to let some light in. I began to open a crack in the shell around my fears, my despair, my resentments, and my anger. I found a place in meetings where I could shine the light of day on my shame. I found a place where life didn’t hurt so much. I found a place where the facts of my life with active alcoholism were accepted and understood. I found a place where you loved me even when I didn’t love myself.
This didn’t come for free. I had to do my part. At the beginning, my part was just coming to meetings. The hardest step of all, for me, preceded “Step 1”. It was the step into the room of my first Al-Anon meeting.
Another step was practicing “Let go (and let God)”. At first it was just “Let go”. Let go of trying to control the drinking. Let go of trying to protect her from the consequences of her actions. Let go of trying to force consequences! This was letting go without any belief in a higher power that might protect her...]]> The Recovery Show full false 41:13 Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/#comments Tue, 11 Apr 2017 01:39:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3736 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Father Tom W Open Talk – Episode 198 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/father-tom-w-open-talk-episode-198/feed/ 3 As promised, here is one of my favorite recovery speakers, Father Tom W. sharing his experience, strength, and hope in Al-Anon. Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow... Upcoming topics include being the sober parent and Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 55:20 Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/#respond Tue, 04 Apr 2017 03:24:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3730 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop? What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words? Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger) Resentment (as we discussed last week) Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems) Looping What sorts of...

The post Obsessive Thinking – Episode 197 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/04/obsessive-thinking-episode-197/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop our obsessive thinking? Do you obsess over your loved one's drinking? Do you keep chewing over past actions or wrongs done to you? How can we stop?

* What is obsessive thinking? What are some other words?

* Wallowing (in negativity/fear/anger)
* Resentment (as we discussed last week)
* Ruminating / chewing over (past wrongs / future problems)
* Looping


* What sorts of obsessive thoughts do I have? (… have I had?)

* Getting the alcoholic to stop drinking.
* Counting drinks.
* The problems I had in my life (as a result of the drinking).
* Money problems.
* What could happen (the worst, of course).
* Things I did that I feel shame about (kicking myself over and over.)


* Why is it a problem?

* Takes time from things I can do.
* Depresses my mood.
* Sleeplessness.
* “We who have been affected by someone else’s drinking find ourselves inexplicably haunted by insecurity, fear, guilt, obsession with others, or an overwhelming need to control every person and situation we encounter.” How Al-Anon Works Chapter 1


* Tools for relieving obsessive thinking?

* Detachment
* Slogans: “How important is it?”, “One day at a time”, “Just for today”, “Let go and let God”
* THINK / Pause (Courage to Change – Mar 4) Before I get into trouble, before I open my mouth to react, or get lost in obsessive analysis of another person’s behavior, or worrying about the future, I can Stop. Then I can Look at what is going on and my role in it. Then I can Listen for spiritual guidance that will remind me of my options and help me find healthy words and actions.
* Letting go
* Gratitude list

* Often I’ll detour at a particular letter and find myself giving thanks for apples and alexandrites, apothecaries and astronauts, ants and anchovies, or bottles and bakeries, bumblebees and blueberries, bathtubs and brushes. The more overwhelming the problem I’m entertaining, the more my gratitude list helps me. First, by taking my mind off of my obsession, and second, by reminding me of the multitude of delightful and peculiar items in the world around me. (Having Had a Spiritual Awakening Chapter 8)







* Think of something positive: “… when my thoughts race out of control, I need to stop. I may do this by breathing deeply and looking at my surroundings. It can help to replace the obsessive thoughts with something positive, such as an Al-Anon slogan, the Serenity Prayer, or another comforting topic that has nothing to do with my problem.” Courage to Change Nov 1.
* Do something: listen to music, go for a walk, play a game, do a puzzle …
* Serenity Prayer (praying for HP will)

* ‘We can pray, “Am I too far gone, or can you help me get out of my isolated self-obsession?” We can say anything to God. It’s all prayer.’ Anne Lamott Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers (p. 5).


* “God Box”

* On a note, I write down the name of the person about whom I am so distressed or angry, or describe the situation that is killing me, with which I am so toxically, crazily obsessed, and I fold the note up, stick it in the box and close it. You might have a brief moment of prayer, and it might come out sounding like this: “Here. You think you’re so big? Fine. You deal with it. Although I have a few more excellent ideas on how best to proceed.” Help, Thanks, Wow (p. 36).

]]> The Recovery Show full false 57:03 Resentment – Episode 196 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/#comments Tue, 28 Mar 2017 12:48:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3723 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? What is a “resentment”? Why is it a problem? Where do you find your resentments stem from? Anger at a past injury? Others not doing things “your way”? One method of working Step 4 (“searching and...

The post Resentment – Episode 196 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/resentment-episode-196/feed/ 2 Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments? Do you hold a grudge? Why is this harmful? How can our program help let go of our resentments?

* What is a “resentment”?
* Why is it a problem?
* Where do you find your resentments stem from?

* Anger at a past injury?
* Others not doing things “your way”?


* One method of working Step 4 (“searching and fearless moral inventory”) starts by listing resentments.

* Why do you think that is?
* Why can this be a useful way of digging into our inventory?


* The book How Al-Anon Works talks about resentment in the chapter titled “Detachment, Love, and Forgiveness”.

* How do these tools help relieve our resentments?
* What other tools do you use?
* Gratitude
* Inventory
* Taking a fresh look — maybe the behavior has changed and I don’t recognize it



Upcoming topics include Alateen, Parenting, and Obsessive Thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Psychology Today: 10 Steps to Letting go of Resentment
Tiny Buddha: 4 Powerful Tips to Reduce Resentment and Feel Happier
Music from the show
Beyoncé: Resentment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXEAvxZPPR8
Matchbox Twenty: Disease

Steven Curtis Chapman: Miracle of the Moment

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:13:59 What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/#respond Tue, 21 Mar 2017 01:34:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3717 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too. Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent?...

The post What is Al-Anon – Episode 195 – Episode 10 redux appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/al-anon-episode-195-episode-10-redux/feed/ 0 What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps? In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, What is Al-Anon? Why do we, who don't have a drinking problem, need the 12 steps?
In this “retro” episode, Spencer, Kelly, and Swetha talk about what brought us to Al-Anon, what we found, and why we keep coming. And, maybe, why Al-Anon might help you, too.
Upcoming topics include resentment. What do you resent? How is that hurting you? And what can you do about it? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener mentioned the book Opening our Hearts, Transforming our Losses
.

Music from the show
Jeff Buckley: Hallelujah

Michael Jackson: The Man in the Mirror

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:08:10 March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/#comments Tue, 14 Mar 2017 02:13:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3713 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. In this episode, I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience,...

The post March Roundup 2017 – Episode 194 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/march-roundup-2017-episode-194/feed/ 1 This weekend, my wife and I attended March Roundup 2017, an AA convention in Dearborn, Michigan. I reflect on that experience and hope to inspire you to attend an AA or Al-Anon convention in your area. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A couple of listeners asked about online meetings. Here are some resources that I know of:
In the Rooms is an online recovery community with a forum and a variety of online recovery meetings. I have participated in the Al-Anon meeting a few times. You can join from your computer with video or audio, according to your preference.
The official Al-Anon website has listings of phone meetings and online meetings.
This is not the talk that Tom W gave at the convention, but you might identify or at least chuckle if you listen to it.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 45:10 Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/#respond Tue, 07 Mar 2017 00:44:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3709 I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too. Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of...

The post Buck N Open Talk – Episode 193 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/03/buck-n-open-talk-episode-193/feed/ 0 An open talk by Buck N. I recently listened to this open talk from Buck N. I loved his “old school” Al-Anon, his straightforward presentation, and his sense of humor. I hope you do, too.
Upcoming topics include the disease concept of alcoholism. Do you think that this idea gives your alcoholic loved one “an out”? What is your understanding of alcoholism as a disease? How has it changed (or not) your relationship with the alcoholic(s) in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:01:21 Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/#respond Tue, 28 Feb 2017 00:52:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3706 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from...

The post Feelings, Recovery, Compassion, and Forgiveness – Episode 192 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/feelings-recovery-compassion-and-forgiveness-episode-192/feed/ 0 Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her. Diana shares a powerful story of recovery, of discovering her own feelings, and finding compassion and forgiveness for those who harmed her.
Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking; Alateen; and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Our thanks to Nicole for music suggestions this week.
Brandi Carlile: That Wasn't Me

Chris Pureka: Wrecking Ball

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 35:34 Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/#respond Tue, 21 Feb 2017 03:42:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3698 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is? How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one? In AA, it’s “obvious”,...

The post Al-Anon Slips – Episode 191 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/al-anon-slips-episode-191/feed/ 0 What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover? What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”? What does it mean to relapse in Al-Anon? Have you had an Al-Anon slip? What did you do to recover?

* What is a “slip”? Is it just another word for “relapse”?
* What do you think an “Al-Anon slip” is?

* How do you know if you’re having (or if you had) one?
* In AA, it’s “obvious”, but in Al-Anon, it’s more subtle.


* What kinds of slips can you identify?

* Controlling
* Enabling
* Emotional
* Making another person your HP


* Relate a story about a slip you had

* A big one?
* A little one?


* How did it feel the same as before recovery?
* How did it feel different?
* What program tools did you use to recover from your slip?
* How do you / can you detect that a slip is imminent and what can you do to prevent it?

* What tools/slogans help?



Upcoming topics include obsessive thinking. How does your obsession with others behavior (such as drinking) make your life unmanageable? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In response to a listener question, we suggested episode 78: Stay or Go?

Music from the show
Paul Simon: Slip Slidin' Away
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_H-LY4Jb2M
Carrie Underwood: Relapse

Moby: Slipping Away


]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:26:32 Sherry S. Open Talk – Episode 190 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/#respond Tue, 14 Feb 2017 01:25:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3695 I hope you enjoy this open talk from Sherry S. I found wisdom and connection for myself. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

The post Sherry S. Open Talk – Episode 190 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/sherry-s-open-talk-episode-190/feed/ 0 An open talk by Sherry S. Upcoming topics include Alateen. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:17:50 Being Ready – Episode 189 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/#comments Tue, 07 Feb 2017 01:36:01 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3691 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner? Not understanding alcoholism. I didn’t grow up with alcoholism I thought my loved one’s behavior...

The post Being Ready – Episode 189 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/02/being-ready-episode-189/feed/ 1 Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready? Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, to ask it a different way, why didn’t I come sooner? What made me ready?
Why did I come to Al-Anon when I did? Or, why didn’t I come sooner?

* Not understanding alcoholism.

* I didn’t grow up with alcoholism
* I thought my loved one’s behavior was a choice
* So she just had to fix it.


* Denying the problem.

* It was her problem.
* Not mine.
* She just needed to “drink normally.”


* Not seeing the problem.

* My behavior was out of control.
* But I couldn’t see that.
* I didn’t connect my behavior to the alcoholism


* Resistance

* Therapists at treatment centers suggested it to me.
* “Not my problem”
* 12 steps were off-putting
* I’m FINE
* Not relating to the video on codependency


* Shame and isolation
* So, what happened?
* A “moment of clarity”

* Yet another “friends and family day” at yet another treatment center.
* “YOU didn’t cause it, YOU can’t cure it, YOU can’t control it.”
* Recognizing that it was NOT mine to fix.
* Recognizing that I was miserable.
* The “20 questions”

* There are also questions for “adult children” and teens.




* The “last resort”

* What else is there? What can it hurt to try it? (Al-Anon)
* Even then, I resisted. When a friend offered to take me to a meeting that night, I said “I need to think about it.”
* I thought about it for maybe 30 seconds.


* Did I get here “right on time”?

* I’m glad I didn’t take longer to get here, anyway.



Upcoming topics include Alateen, slogans, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
In this episode, I mentioned the Intimacy open talks from last year.
Several listeners wrote in about Steve L's talk on fear, faith, and surrender. One asked if there are other talks by him available. I found his talk on the Recovery Radio Network, where there are other talks by people named Steve L. (But I haven't listened to them to know if they are the by the same person.)
]]> The Recovery Show full false 35:50 Detachment with love – Episode 188 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/#comments Tue, 31 Jan 2017 05:30:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3685 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment. What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you? When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think...

The post Detachment with love – Episode 188 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/detachment-with-love-episode-188/feed/ 2 Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you? Do you get caught up in other people’s problems or emotions? Does the phrase “loving detachment” just baffle you?
We start with a reading from an Al-Anon flyer titled Detachment.

* What thoughts about detachment does the reading bring up for you?
* When you first heard the word “detachment” in a meeting, what did you think it meant?
* Did “detachment with love” make any sense to you at all?
* What is the difference between detachment and distancing or separation?
* Why do I get angry? Fear. Because I care.
* Maybe I have to become “indifferent” when moving from anger to love.
* What forms of detachment have you found/learned?

* Emotional — my emotions are not ruled by someone else’s.
* Detaching the person from their disease (How Al-Anon Works, Detachment section in Chapter 11):
If someone we love had the flu and cancelled plans with us, most of us would understand. We wouldn’t take it personally or blame the person for being inconsiderate or weak. Instead, in our minds, we would probably separate the person from the illness, knowing that it was the illness, rather than our loved one, that caused the change of plans. This is detachment.

* Detaching from outcomes


* How has detachment helped you?

* Treating others with more kindness and compassion.
* Give a power greater than myself a space to come in.
* Not getting “pulled down”
* Being able to love the person while hating their actions
* Finding forgiveness
* More serenity.



I read from a small flyer called Detachment, published by Al-Anon. It is available as a PDF from the Al-Anon web site.
Upcoming topics include slogans (what's your favorite?), Alateen, and parenting. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dirty Projectors: What I See

Ray LaMontagne: Empty

Fiona Apple: Across the Universe
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXE1C–WezU
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:01:37 Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/#respond Tue, 24 Jan 2017 04:41:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3681 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Solange:...

The post Fear, Faith, and Surrender – Episode 187 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/fear-faith-surrender-episode-187/feed/ 0 Steve L shares his thoughts about fear, faith, and surrender in this AA talk. What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, What did this talk bring up for you? What thoughts do you have? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Solange: Cranes in the Sky
In this episode of Song Exploder, Solange talks about how she came to write the song.

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:10:48 Expectations – Episode 186 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/#respond Tue, 17 Jan 2017 03:18:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3676 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? How do your expectations of yourself hurt you? How do you deal with other people's expectations...

The post Expectations – Episode 186 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/expectations-episode-186/feed/ 0 Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt? What are “expectations”? “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true? How can expectations set you up for disappointment? Do you have unrealistic expectations of other people? Or, maybe, of yourself? How does this hurt?

* What are “expectations”?
* “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments” — how do you see this as true?
* How can expectations set you up for disappointment?
* How do your expectations of yourself hurt you?
* How do you deal with other people's expectations of you?
* How do you

* let go of unrealisitic expectations?
* set realistic / reasonable expectations and boundaries?


* When has letting go of expectations improved an experience for you?

Eric referred to several other websites:

* Recovery Table blog: Expectations, Acceptance, and Serenity
* A forum discussion about boundaries and expectations.
* Change-Effect blog: expectation versus reality.

A correspondant mentioned the Hand in Hand Parenting support organization and how it had helped her.
Upcoming topics include a talk with Alateen sponsors, and the question “how am I trustworthy?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Rolling Stones: No Expectations
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rIqBeMZAMc
The Beatles: Let it Be

Jimi Hendrix: Castles Made of Sand
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afMGxknptco
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:06:22 Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/#respond Tue, 10 Jan 2017 04:59:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3669 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide...

The post Maria – Beyond Recovery – Episode 185 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/maria-beyond-recovery-episode-185/feed/ 0 How do you use recovery in your life? Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery. Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her... How do you use recovery in your life?
Join Spencer and Maria as they explore how she has found a new way of living, beyond recovery.
Before coming to recovery, Maria's life was “good enough.” The tools she gained in the Al-Anon program have enabled her to face two major life choices, and to decide to make a huge change in her direction.
How about you? What does your life look like, beyond recovery? Please contact us: call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener was helped by the meditation “A god of my understanding.”
]]> The Recovery Show full false 41:00 Recovery 2016 – Episode 184 https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/#respond Tue, 03 Jan 2017 03:33:56 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3663 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? In my health and fitness? In my spiritual life? How did...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2017/01/recovery-2016-episode-184/feed/ 0 How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow. How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year? With family and friends? In my finances? In my work? How did your recovery grow in 2016? Whether we're just getting started or we've been at this for years now, we can always grow.

* How did recovery tools and principles work in my life last year?

* With family and friends?
* In my finances?
* In my work?
* In my health and fitness?
* In my spiritual life?


* How did my recovery program grow?
* In what ways did I “slack off”?
* What goals did I set for 2016? How did I meet them?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or to share your experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
A listener suggested repeating episode 101, Looking Back, Looking Ahead. Check it out if you haven't listened to it already.

Music from the show
LA Salami: Day to Day

Leonard Cohen: You want it Darker

Sturgill Simpson: Welcome to Earth (Polliwog)

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 50:23 Christmas 2016 wishes https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/#respond Tue, 27 Dec 2016 16:02:23 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3661 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Background music is Carol...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/christmas-2016-wishes/feed/ 0 My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, My wishes to you are that the spirit of the Christmas season, of peace and good will to all people, may be with you in the coming year.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Background music is Carol of the Bells from Free Christmas MP3.
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 2:05 Kathy C Open Talk – Episode 183 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/#respond Tue, 20 Dec 2016 05:27:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3656 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said. In our feedback section, we...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/kathy-c-open-talk-episode-183/feed/ 0 Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. Kathy shares her experience, strength, and hope in her open talk. I particularly appreciated the way she kept the focus on herself — her feelings — her actions — as she described the years before she found recovery. I was able to identify with a lot of what she said.
In our feedback section, we had a question about online meetings. I know of several resources, but I'm sure there are others.

* The official Al-Anon website lists online meetings and phone meetings.
* The website In The Rooms has online meetings for many recovery programs.
* Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.

A listener asked about boundaries, particularly looking for something to explain boundaries to her 6-year old child. We did several episodes about boundaries, but not especially aimed at young folk. If you can help with this, please contact us.
Another request is for sharings about regret. Two listeners wrote. One spoke of “The sadness, disappointment and regret I feel over having not been in a good enough mind-shape to really be there for my kids.” Another shared, “Particularly as a mother I find a downward pull toward dwelling on mistakes from the past where I let my children down by losing my temper.”
Carrie wrote to suggest topics of “tools”, holidays, and hyper-vigilance. We did talk about holiday survival previously, but it's always a good topic. On the topic of “tools”, please share your favorite recovery tool!
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:17:14 Anger – Episode 182 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/#comments Tue, 13 Dec 2016 23:06:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3648 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions. Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/anger-episode-182/feed/ 1 Do you get angry? More importantly, maybe, how do you deal with your anger? Has recovery helped you be less angry or to let it out more gently? This week, Spencer and Pat talk about anger. We are guided in our discussion by these questions.

* Don't we almost all get angry at some time or another?
* Were you allowed to get angry as a child?   
* What were you told about anger when you were young?
* When do you get angry?
* Are there patterns to when you get angry?
* What tools of the program can help you deal with anger in the moment?
* What tools of the program can help you work on the root cause of your anger?

Several listeners also contribute to and enliven our discussion by email and voice.
Upcoming topics include “how am I trustworthy?” Do you gossip? How have you learned to keep confidences in recovery? How is that an essential part of the Al-Anon program? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pat said, when I was looking for songs about anger, all I found were, well, angry songs! So I looked up songs about conflict resolution and I found a really nice blog where the author had asked folks for songs about conflict resolution. She has two long play lists – one is mellow and one is lively.
But first, some angry songs…
“One Step Closer” by Linkin Park

Angry Heart by Black Sabbath

And, finding a way to deal…
You Can't Always Get What you Want by The Rolling Stones
Classic:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BykilS816E
Recent:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkzVeXrkXGw
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:18:59 Keep it Simple – Episode 181 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/#comments Tue, 06 Dec 2016 04:32:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3644 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life? When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach,...

The post Keep it Simple – Episode 181 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/12/keep-it-simple-episode-181/feed/ 2 Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”? Do you overcomplicate your life? How can we “Keep it Simple”?
Let’s look at the section of How Al-Anon Works about the slogan “Keep it Simple”. How would you relate each of these sentences to your life?

* When coping with the baffling and often overwhelming effects of alcoholism, the simpler and more straightforward the approach, the better. The slogan, “Keep It Simple,” makes just that point.
* When life seems unmanageable or confusing, many of us unknowingly complicate matters even further by trying to anticipate everything that could go wrong, so that we will be prepared to respond.
* This slogan reminds us that we can’t control every possible outcome to every situation and that trying to do so makes our lives more difficult and more stressful than they already are.
* When we “Keep It Simple,” we try to take things at face value,

* looking at what is actually happening
* rather than the 50 things that might or might not follow.


* Perhaps we can approach large projects and challenges slowly, step by step, in manageable stages rather than all at once.
* Sometimes we must act with haste,

* but not every new task or unexpected event is a crisis.


* Our initial, fearful responses may arise more from habit rather than necessity.
* In time, we learn that if we are feeling paralyzed and overwhelmed, we may be complicating matters

* or taking on more than we can handle for this moment or this day,
* and that we may have better luck by simplifying what we are trying to accomplish.


* We can relax and try to be more gentle with ourselves,

* trusting that by putting one foot in front of the other, we will eventually get where we are going.



And a couple of related slogans:

* Easy does it.
* First things first.

Our topic for next week is anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The reading “Set in Stone” is from the book Walking Towards Morning by Victoria Safford.
I mentioned some previous episodes: 180: Being Thankful, and 119: Worry.
Music from the show
Simple Gifts, performed by Yo-Yo Ma and Alison Krauss

Simplicity by Bob Seger


 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 54:14 Being Thankful – Episode 180 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/#respond Tue, 22 Nov 2016 03:50:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3637 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness. In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/being-thankful-episode-180/feed/ 0 How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation? How are you thankful? Can you be thankful even when life isn’t going well? How can being thankful improve your situation?
As I approach the US Thanksgiving holiday, my thoughts naturally turn to thankfulness.
In Shakespeare’s play Hamlet, we find this bit of conversation between Hamlet and Rosencrantz. Hamlet has just remarked that Denmark is a prison, and Rosencrantz says that he doesn’t find it so:
HAMLET: Why, then, ’tis none to you, for there is
nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it
so. To me, it is a prison.
ROSENCRANTZ: Why, then, your ambition makes it one.
’Tis too narrow for your mind.
HAMLET: O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell and
count myself a king of infinite space, were it not
that I have bad dreams.
And don’t we all (have bad dreams)? How can we be thankful in spite of them? How can being thankful actually help us drive away our bad dreams?
Let’s look at the reading from How Al-Anon Works on gratitude.

* “Actively practicing gratitude is one way we can promote attitude adjustment. Instead of taking for granted the many blessings in our lives, we make a point to mentally acknowledge them until doing so becomes a habit.”

* I don’t “notice” when things are going well, but
* I dwell on the times when things went poorly.


* “Writing them down in a “gratitude list” and then reading the list to our Sponsor or sharing it with other Al-Anon members helps us realize that there are many things in our lives for which we are truly grateful. “

* A to Z gratitude list
* How I felt afterwards


* “Gratitude enables us to savor the unrecognized good that surrounds us, no matter what the circumstances. As we become accustomed to noticing the positive aspects of our lives, we begin to recognize small, subtle gifts and cloaked opportunities when they appear in our day-to-day experience.”

* My winter day story — a friend helped me to see the good that had happened that day instead of “moaning” about the bad
* I remember this story and it helps me to see the positive as well as the negative.


* “ Eventually, as we continue to practice, we actually do find something to be grateful for, even in painful or difficult situations. We replace our victim mentality with an attitude of gratitude.”

* Psych ward story.


* “Instead of feeling drained, overwhelmed, and stressed by the circumstances we encounter, we begin to feel empowered and capable of coping, even flourishing, because we have learned that our Higher Power can use every situation, every relationship, every experience, to enhance our lives and foster strength, faith, and personal growth. Thus, everyone and everything has a special gift to offer us.”

* Visiting with my aging and ailing mother.
* How I felt, how I grew.


* “We need only open our eyes to see it.”

Previous episodes and blog posts on gratitude are

* Episode 129: Gratitude
* Episode 97: Gratitude 2014
* Episode 19: Gratitude
* Gratitude list 2015

Upcoming topics include anger. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:25 Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/#respond Tue, 15 Nov 2016 22:30:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3634 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict? Do I continue to do that...

The post Say what you mean and mean what you say – Episode 179 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/say-mean-mean-say-episode-179/feed/ 0 Say what you mean, mean what you say, and don't be mean when you say it. Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness. How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order t...
Say what you mean,
mean what you say,
and don't be mean when you say it.
Many of us have formed patterns of communication that linger even though they may have outlived their usefulness.

* How did I keep quiet or agree to unreasonable requests in order to avoid conflict?

* Do I continue to do that out of habit?


* Have I made promises or threats that I did not/had no real intention of carrying out?
* When did I say “yes” when I wanted to say “no”?
* When have I kept my feelings and wants to myself?

* Because I expected my loved ones to “just know” what I wanted?
* Because I was afraid you would disagree with me?
* Because keeping another person happy was more important than getting what I wanted?

* When is this OK?





It is worth noting, however, that if we are dealing with someone who is drunk or violent, this kind of honesty may be ill-advised. Real communication requires at least some participation by both parties, and if one of those parties is not in his or her right mind, the effort is likely to be wasted. It may even be dangerous.

* When/how did/do I say whatever is on my mind without considering whether it is appropriate?

* When do I give unsolicited advice or criticism?


* When do I repeatedly say something?

* Why?


* When do I say things I don’t really mean?

* To “get along”?
* By rote? (such as greetings or thanks)


* Do I pay attention to my tone of voice, facial expression, and body language?

* When does my attitude convey a different message from my words?


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “say what I mean”?

* Inventory — I may not know what I believe / want / need.
* Sponsor — particularly when I was new in the program.

* Help me understand what I want.
* Help me with how to say it.


* Prayer and meditation.
* “Pause button”


* What are some tools and principles that can help me to “mean what I say”?

* I can change my attitude (my “angle of approach”).
* Acting my way into better thinking.
* Forming an intention before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* Considering my motives (a sponsor can help with this!)


* How can not “be mean when I say it”?

* HALT — if I am Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired, I am more likely to “be mean”.
* THINK — ask myself “Is what I am about to say Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?” If not maybe I shouldn’t say it.
* Prayer and meditation — to help smooth emotions before speaking.
* “Pause button”
* “Drop the rope”



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 54:37 178 – Boundaries “Best of” episode https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/#respond Tue, 08 Nov 2016 02:07:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3631 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/11/178-boundaries-best-episode/feed/ 0 This “retro” episode was originally published as Episode 103. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.
Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:

* Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?
* How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?
* What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?
* What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?

So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.
Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:

* What is a boundary?
* How does it differ from an ultimatum?
* How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?
* What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?
* How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?
* How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?
* What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?
* What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?
* How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?
* How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself?

During the show, we referred to several earlier episodes, including relapse, face to face meetings, Tradition 1, and getting started in Al-Anon.
Our topic for next week is judgement. How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Tracy Chapman – Give Me One Reason

Ani DiFranco – Out of Range

AM – Boundaries

 

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:37:18 Knowing myself – Episode 177 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/#respond Tue, 01 Nov 2016 03:01:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3627 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Why is it important to know “who I am”? What does it mean to know “who I am”? How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?)...

The post Knowing myself – Episode 177 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/knowing-myself-episode-177/feed/ 0 Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are. Exploring how the steps aid in knowing myself. Start where you are. When change comes, as it always does, it helps to know who you are.

* Why is it important to know “who I am”?
* What does it mean to know “who I am”?
* How have the Steps helped me in knowing myself? (Step 4 is the obvious one, but what about the others?)

* Step 1: starting to break through denial. My image of my life is not realistic.
* Step 2: Starting to see that I am not the center of the universe, and that I can ask for help.
* Step 3: Recognizing how much I want “my will”. Making a decision to ask for help, to follow outside direction. How hard it is!
* Step 4: Looking in detail at myself, admitting my assets and my shortcomings.
* Step 5: How much I really don’t want to expose my “failings”! How much I fear your judgement.
* Step 6: Coming to own my inventory. Starting to recognize some of the “why” about what I do (and don’t do).
* Step 7: Humility: I can be teachable.
* Step 8: Recognizing the ways in which my shortcomings have caused me to harm others, whether deliberately or by oversight.
* Step 9: Seeing my shame, my fear of rejection, my fear of judgement. And also my courage and honesty.
* Step 10: Continuing to know myself more deeply.
* Step 11: Getting in touch with my own spirit, getting “out of my head”. Who am I when I’m not “chattering” away in my mind all the time?
* Step 12: Recognizing the ways in which I have awakened.



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The reading in this episode is from Start Where You Are by Pema Chödrön.

Music from the show
Jimmy Eat World: The Middle

Gnarls Barkley: Crazy

India.Arie: I Choose

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 49:27 A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/#respond Tue, 25 Oct 2016 11:48:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3620 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions. What brought you to Al-Anon? How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon...

The post A Recovery Story – Laura – Episode 176 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/recovery-story-laura/feed/ 0 What is your story? What brought you to recovery? What challenges have you faced? What have you found here? We had a conversation with Laura about recovery where the local language is not her native tongue. We were guided by these questions.

* What brought you to Al-Anon?
* How did you hear about or find the Al-Anon program?
* How has your life changed since coming to recovery?

* What have you learned about yourself?
* How do you live your life differently?


* What is it like trying to practice recovery in a country that is not your own?

* Where the common language is not your first language?
* Where the culture is different from your own?
* What challenges does this pose?
* Finding meetings?
* Getting literature?
* Finding a sponsor or other “program people” to talk to?


* How has your sponsor helped you?
* What would you say to someone in a similar situation who is new to Al-Anon?

* Who has not yet come to their first meeting?



Our readings are from How Al-Anon Works, p. 30 and One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, October 23.
Upcoming topics include fear and faith, as captured in this statement from the “gifts of Al-Anon”. “Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Police: Every Breath You Take

]]> The Recovery Show full false 47:39 Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/#respond Wed, 19 Oct 2016 16:23:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3615 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October...

The post Honesty – a workshop – Episode 175 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/honesty-a-workshop-episode-175/feed/ 0 What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery? What does it mean that this is a program of “rigorous honesty”? How have you been dishonest to others and to yourself? What have you learned about honesty in recovery?
This workshop on honesty was presented by Michele R (AA) and Kim G (Al-Anon) at the 2013 Journey to Serenity Festival (Saskatchewan Al-Anon Adult Children Festival), October 26, 2013.
In the workshop they posed these questions, from various sources, that help me explore my honesty, present and past.

* How did I fail to tell the truth as a child?
* What stories do I pass on without checking they are true?
* How do I compliment people when I feel they’ve done a good job?
* How can I tell the difference between the way things look to me and the way they really are?
* In my interactions with others do I tell the truth or do I say what I think they want to hear?
* What walls have I built to hide the person I am from others?
* How does honestly sharing the secrets of my past help me recover from the emotional damage I have endured?
* Where did I critique or put down someone else or try to hide it by saying I’m just trying to be “helpful” or giving “constructive criticism”?
* Did I try to hide a bad motive under a good motive?
* Do I spend a good amount of time on things that make the world a more loving place?
* Where am I spending energy on activities that are draining rather than life giving?
* Am I committed to participating in a community?
* Am I willing to receive as well as to give?
* Is my higher power’s opinion of me the one I value most in my life?

Upcoming topics include a personal story; faith and fear; and “who am I?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Depeche Mode: Policy of Truth

Beyoncé: Honesty

Aretha Franklin: Truth and Honesty

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:18:51 Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/#respond Wed, 12 Oct 2016 03:52:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3609 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean? Dictionary Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)” And also this: “to give...

The post Forgiveness is critical to recovery – Episode 174 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/forgiveness-is-critical-to-recovery-episode-174/feed/ 0 What does it mean to forgive? Why do we talk of “finding” forgiveness? And who really gains from forgiveness? What does forgiveness mean?
* What does forgiveness mean?

* Dictionary
Merriam Webster has this simple definition of the word forgive: “to stop feeling anger toward (someone who has done something wrong) : to stop blaming (someone)”
And also this: “to give up resentment of”
* To me?


* How did I understand forgiveness before recovery?

* Forgiving meant condoning the other person’s actions?
* If I forgave someone, I had to like them, be ok with their company?
* They had to apologize first?
* If I forgave, I had to “forget”?


* What new understandings of forgiveness did I discover?
* One of the “gifts of Al-Anon” in From Survival to Recovery is this: “As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.”

* How do I understand this gift?
* How have I seen it happen in my life?


* How does forgiveness help me?
* What if someone did something truly unforgiveable?

* How can I forgive them or their action?
* Why would I want to?


* What story or stories can I share about

* Finding forgiveness
* Having difficulty finding forgiveness
* Forgiving without forgetting.


* What would I say to a newcomer about forgiveness “the Al-Anon way”?

Join our conversation. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Christina Aguilera: Hurt

Matthew West: Forgiveness

Parker Ainsworth: The Forgiver

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:10:20 Start where you are – Episode 173 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/#respond Tue, 04 Oct 2016 01:48:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3600 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I...

The post Start where you are – Episode 173 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/10/start-where-you-are-episode-173/feed/ 0 Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there.
Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I was able to start where I was, and I can still start where I am. How does this work? How was I able to “start where I am” at each point along the path of recovery? Because recovery is a process, not an event.

* Walking into my first meeting.

* You met me where I was. You didn’t require that I know anything, that I agree to anything, you just welcomed me.


* Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

* My first challenge – what does “powerless” mean? Can I admit that I am “powerless”? How do I recognize the unmanageability of my life? Is this where I am right now?


* Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

* I start into this step where I am: questioning the very existence of a Higher Power. Some start into this step with a vengeful, angry God. No matter where we start, we can find an understanding of this step.


* Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

* If my starting point is “the meeting is my HP”, I can look for guidance and wisdom in the meeting, and try to follow that.


* Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

* This step has always met me where I was. As my starting point has changed, the inventory has also changed. My new point of view has revealed other aspects of myself, which were not visible earlier.


* Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

* My first starting point for this step was “no way!” My second starting point was “there’s some stuff I’m just not going to talk about.” I *think* that, at this time, I’ve admitted all my wrongs, but I might be wrong about that.
* Each time, there was power in the step, no matter where I started, and how “well” I did it. The point is to take the step, not to take it perfectly.


* Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

* Again, my starting point has “moved” with time. I’ve gone from “well, of course” to “um, not that one!” to “please help me to become willing”.
* I didn’t understand this step the first time I “took” it, but I did it anyway.


* Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

* What does this step mean if I don't have a concrete idea of G-o-d?
* But, I found that, when I ask for help, I find it, and I change.


* Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

* The literature suggested that I can group my list into: people I am willing to make amends to, people I might be willing to make amends to, and those people who I was not willing to make amends to.
* I started there, and found that my lists changed as I moved into Step 9.


* Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

* Do the easy ones first, and don't worry about doing it perfectly!


* Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

* I started doing this step before I actually got to it. Because I didn't want to add new things to my “Step 4 inventory.”


]]> The Recovery Show full false 44:19 Why The Recovery Show – Episode 172 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/#respond Tue, 27 Sep 2016 03:42:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3595 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/recovery-show-episode-172/feed/ 0 Why is there The Recovery Show? September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, Why is there The Recovery Show?
September 30 is International Podcast Day, which “is dedicated to promoting Podcasting worldwide through education and public engagement.” … Well, that got me thinking about why I do this podcast, why I (with others) have created 172 episodes of The Recovery Show over the past 3 ½ years. So, here are some of those reasons.

* I can do it.

* Technical knowledge
* Teaching background


* Step 12 encourages me to “carry this message to others”.
* How did it happen?

* My sponsor asked me to participate in his podcast (AA focused recovery at recoveredcast.com)
* I wanted to bring a little more Al-Anon content to his podcast and he said “why don’t you start your own?”
* 2 friends agreed to help


* It deepens my own program of recovery.
* I have met (at least virtually) people from all over the US and the world.
* You let me know that it is valuable to you.
* You support me.

* Financially
* Through your sharing (email and voice mail)
* By giving me topic ideas and music suggestions.
* By participating in the show.



This is a “we” program. I cannot do my recovery alone and I cannot do this podcast alone. Even though it is often me, sitting in front of a microphone by myself, you are there with me, sitting across the desk from me, as I talk. And, I think, that is the bottom line of why I continue to produce this podcast. It brings us together in recovery; it connects me to you, and you, and you.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Kelly Clarkson – Because of You

Aerosmith – Amazing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCN9eij6zJE
Christina Aguilera – Keep on Singin' My Song
]]> The Recovery Show full false 38:09 Dawn C – Open talk – Episode 171 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/#comments Tue, 20 Sep 2016 02:04:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3592 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C. Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/dawn-c-open-talk-episode-171/feed/ 1 This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon "long timer", Dawn C. This week, we present an open talk by an Al-Anon “long timer”, Dawn C.
Upcoming topics include courage, fear, faith, and worry. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:03:14 Year of Yes – Episode 170 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/#respond Tue, 13 Sep 2016 03:36:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3587 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/year-of-yes-episode-170/feed/ 0 Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”? How the "Year of Yes" parallels my own recovery. Can you say “Yes” and mean it? When is it better to say “No”?
I recently read a book, Year of Yes by Shonda Rhimes, subtitled “How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun and Be Your Own Person.” Much of what I read resonated with the work I’ve been doing in recovery, so I thought I’d try to express that resonance here.

* Basic connections between her story and mine:

* Contrast between “inside” and “outside”. Or maybe I should say “outside” and “inside.”

* Outwardly successful in many ways.
* Inwardly isolating and “stuffing” (feelings and food)


* There is a “bottom” and a “moment of clarity.” Sparked by her sister’s observation that “you never say yes to anything”.

* “I am miserable. ¶ Admitting this takes my breath away. I feel as though I am revealing new information to myself. Learning a secret I’ve been keeping from myself. ¶ I am miserable. ¶ Truly, deeply unhappy.”


* She recognized the need for change, and committed (to herself and her friends) to say “Yes” to everything that scared her for a year.

* “Am going to say yes to anything and everything that scares me. For a whole year. Or until I get scared to death and you have to bury me. Ugh.”


* Emotional blackouts
* Her logic: “• Saying no has gotten me here. • Here sucks. • Saying yes might be my way to someplace better. … [or] at least someplace different.”

* My entry into recovery: Trying to fix got me here. Here sucks. Trying Al-Anon might be my way to someplace better or at least someplace different.


* Both of us have patterns set in childhood

* isolating, living in her imagination
* Fixing, rescuing, co-dependency




* Chapter titles include
* Yes to speaking the whole truth

* My recovery: knowing who I am and living it. Being authentic.


* Yes to surrendering the Mommy War

* My recovery: It is ok to ask for (and accept) help


* Yes to all play and no work

* My recovery: take time for the things that feed ME, my soul


* Yes to my body

* My recovery: Take care of myself


* Yes to joining the club

* My recovery: I am a capable person, I have strengths, I don’t have to hide them, and I don’t have to compare myself to others (to my detriment)


* Yes, Thank You

* My recovery: I can accept praise without diminishing it. “Thank you.” is a complete sentence.


* Yes to more year of yes

* My recovery: This is a lifelong process. And I want to do it.


* Yes to No, Yes to difficult conversations

* My recovery: I can say “no”. (“No.” is a complete sentence.)


* Yes to people

* My recovery: I am not alone. The recovery community is here for me.
* My family is here for me.


* Yes to who I am

* My recovery: learning who I am, and loving who I am (and changing the things I don’t want to be.)



Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 43:31 Feelings – Episode 169 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/#respond Tue, 06 Sep 2016 03:39:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3583 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)? What did you feel? Did you feel? Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”? Did it seem you had...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/09/feelings-episode-169/feed/ 0 Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts? Have you ever felt controlled by your feelings? What feelings could you identify in the past? How do you balance feelings and facts?

* Were you able to identify feelings (before recovery)?
* What did you feel?
* Did you feel?
* Did you think that certain feelings were “good” and others were “bad”?
* Did it seem you had to act on/react to your feelings?
* How did you deny/push down/hide from feelings?
* Have you heard the saying, “feelings are not facts”?
* What does it mean to you?
* How do you use it now?
* Have you found a “feeling vocabulary” in recovery?
* How do you respond to feelings now?
* How are you able to feel, but act from your head?
* How can you accept that you have feelings, and that they do not have to control your actions?
* How have your feelings changed?
* What slogans or tools help you to deal with how you feel?

* Let go and let God.
* This too shall pass.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Easy does it.
* First things first.
* Prayer and meditation.
* Inventory


* How have you become more aware of and able to feel?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Linkin Park: Numb

Margaret Glaspy: Emotions and Math

Adele: Hello

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:16:59 Spencer’s Open Talk – Episode 168 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/#respond Tue, 30 Aug 2016 04:01:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3579 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/spencers-open-talk-episode-168/feed/ 0 What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now? Spencer was invited to give an "open talk" recently, and he elected to use this traditional format. What was it like? What happened? And what is it like now?
Spencer was invited to give an “open talk” recently, and he elected to use this traditional format.
It starts with “what happened?” With that moment when the reality of his powerlessness and the unmanageability of his life crashed down on him. When he heard that “You didn't cause it, you can't cure it, and you can't control it.” And when those words lifted a weight from his shoulders that he hadn't realized he was carrying. That he had been trying to accomplish the impossible: to make his loved one stop drinking.
He came to see that his journey to Al-Anon has really started much earlier. He believed that it was his job, his task in life, to “rescue” others. And so, maybe it is no surprise that he fell in love with and married an alcoholic. Because, who needs “fixing” or “rescuing” more than an alcoholic. Not that he recognized that at the time!
He came to his first Al-Anon meeting almost unwillingly. After all, he was not the one with the “problem.” But nothing was working, and his life was miserable, so maybe, just maybe, this Al-Anon thing would help.
His recovery story includes coming to understand what “working the steps” means, and learning to trust others with the reality of his life. It includes finding freedom from anger, fear, despair, and rage. It includes experiencing serenity, even when his life was still in the midst of chaos.
And, it includes finding an answer to what seemed an unanswerable question: “I can't live this way, but I can't leave either. What can I do!?” The answer turns out to be “I can live.”
Upcoming topics include sorrow and feelings. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 52:06 Serenity – Episode 167 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/#comments Tue, 23 Aug 2016 04:29:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3575 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com) 1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness. 2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc). Synonyms 1....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/serenity-episode-167/feed/ 1 What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it? What is serenity, anyway? And how do you get it?
Let’s start with a definition: (dictionary.com)
1. the state or quality of being serene, calm, or tranquil; sereneness.
2. A title of honor, respect, or reverence, used in speaking of or to a certain member of royalty (usually preceded by his, your, etc).
Synonyms
1. Composure, calm, peacefulness, peace.
Antonyms
1. Agitation

* How did you conceive of serenity before recovery?
* Did you think your whole life had to be “serene” in order for you to have personal serenity?
* How did you act in ways that pushed serenity out of my life?
* When you heard the Al-Anon suggested welcome, did these words make sense to you?

* Did they seem unattainable?
* Did they give you hope?
“We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.”



* Do you recall experiencing serenity, perhaps briefly, as you started to work the program?

* What happened?
* What did it feel like?
* How did you recognize it?


* Reading: Hope for Today, May 20.
“The serenity I am offered in Al-Anon is not an escape from life. Rather it is the power to find peacefulness within life.”
“Al-Anon does not promise me freedom from pain, sorrow, or difficult situations. It does, however, give me … the necessary skills for maintaining peace of mind, even when life seems most unbearable.”

* What tools have you found for maintaining or restoring your serenity?

* Trust in a Higher Power. Let go and let God.
* Detachment.
* Just for today.
* One day at a time.
* Talk to a program friend.


* “Exercising” spiritual “muscles” by working the steps, going to meetings, reading the literature, etc.
* Do you think serenity is a state of being, or an attitude? Or a little of both?
* What would you say to a newcomer who is living a life full of “agitation” with little or no serenity?

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Chainsmokers: Don't Let Me Down (ft. Daya)

Florence and the Machine: Shake it Out

Coldplay: Adventure of a Lifetime

 
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:20:35 Confession, Redemption, and Forgiveness – Episode 166 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/#respond Tue, 16 Aug 2016 02:37:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3564 “I've got a confession to make.” How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/confession-episode-166/feed/ 0 "I've got a confession to make." How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?! What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? “I've got a confession to make.”
How do you feel when you say that? How do you feel when you hear it?!
What is the power that confession has for us in Step 5? (Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.) How does the inventory and self-examination of Step 4 make it possible to honestly make that confession? (Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.) How do these combine to give us ownership of our own faults, so that we are ready to change? (Step 6, Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.) And to ask for help in changing ourselves? (Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.) Is it possible to truly “make it right” with those we hurt without having first made confession from the depth of our being? (Steps 8 and 9, Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.) Confession, in Steps 5 and 9, is a cornerstone of recovery, and makes it possible to find redemption and forgiveness.
Our topic for next week is either serenity or shame. Both start with the letter “s” but are otherwise pretty much unrelated. (How) have you found serenity? What does it mean to you? Or… Does shame still dominate your life? How has recovery helped you to move into and through your shame? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
We talked about a litany of atonement, with the refrain “We forgive ourselves and each other. We begin again in love.
Suzanne loves the meditation podcast 60 Seconds of Solitude.
Spencer has been reading and enjoying the memoir Unwasted: My Lush Sobriety, by Sacha Z. Scoblic.
Music from the show
Jessica Andrews: Who I Am

U2: Sometimes You can't Make it on your own

Sara Bareilles: Say You're Sorry

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 46:41 Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/#respond Tue, 09 Aug 2016 12:24:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3553 This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12. The previous episodes are Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158 Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159 Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162 In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon...

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 4 – Episode 165 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/stepping-stones-serenity-part-4-episode-165/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled "Stepping Stones to Serenity", presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 4 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 10 through 12.
The previous episodes are

* Part 1, Steps 1-3: Episode 158
* Part 2, Steps 4-6: Episode 159
* Part 3, Steps 7-9: Episode 162

In full, the 12 Steps of Al-Anon are

* We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
* Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
* Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
* Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
* Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
* Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
* Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
* Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
* Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
* Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
* Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
* Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

]]> The Recovery Show full false 59:27 Choices – Episode 164 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/#comments Tue, 02 Aug 2016 03:58:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3539 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Choice Before Recovery Did you feel you had choices in your life? Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility? Were you “allowed” to change your...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/08/choices-episode-164/feed/ 2 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery?
Choice Before Recovery

* Did you feel you had choices in your life?
* Did it seem like, when you had a choice, it was either/or, with no 3rd possibility?
* Were you “allowed” to change your mind?
* How did you make decisions?

* Little ones? (What to have for dinner, what movie to see.)
* Big ones? (Which job to take, where to live.)



Choice in early recovery

* What messages about choice did you hear when you started attending Al-Anon?
* Was it a surprise to hear that you had choices? That you had more than 2 alternatives?
* What did you hear about making choices to take care of yourself?
* What if you didn’t know which answer was the “right” one?

Choice now

* What tools of the program can you use to help you make a choice?
* Which slogans are helpful?
* How do you use prayer and meditation in making decisions?
* How can taking inventory help?
* Have you found that you can choose your attitude? Acceptance? Gratitude?

Upcoming topics include sadness. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Eric recommended the Insight Timer meditation app.
Music from the show
Gomez: Options

Natasha Bedingfield: Unwritten

George Harrison: Any Road

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:28:11 Rediscovering Myself – Episode 163 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/#comments Tue, 26 Jul 2016 03:56:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3536 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/rediscovering-myself/feed/ 1 Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now? In what ways did I lose myself “before program”? Focus on the alcoholic Taking care of others before myself Belief that others must partici... Did alcoholism erase you? How did you find yourself in recovery? Who are you? What do you want? Do you know now?

* In what ways did I lose myself “before program”?

* Focus on the alcoholic
* Taking care of others before myself
* Belief that others must participate in everything — I can’t do something if my partner doesn’t want to.
* Isolation and withdrawal from life / activities
* Expectation that my loved ones would read my mind
* Expecting others to make me happy


* What messages did I first hear in Al-Anon that started me to rediscovering myself?

* Take care of myself.
* Detachment with love.
* It’s ok to ask for what I want.


* What have I found out about myself in recovery?

* Things I like (to do).
* Things I don’t like that I thought I had to like because others like them.
* New insights into my character
* New things that I never thought I would like


* What did I forget about myself that I have rediscovered?

Upcoming topics include choices and sadness. We will also explore the statement “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” to see how it has come true for us. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime

Sara Bareilles – Brave

Rachel Platten – Fight Song

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:25:19 Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 3 – Episode 162 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/#respond Tue, 19 Jul 2016 01:45:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3528 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 3 – Episode 162 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/stepping-stones-serenity-part-3-episode-162/feed/ 0 This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9. This is part 3 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 7 through 9.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 52:03 Dancing with Dementia – Episode 161 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/#comments Tue, 12 Jul 2016 04:08:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3523 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/dementia-episode-161/feed/ 1 How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other? The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. How is living with alcoholism like living with dementia? Can I use what I have learned in one, with the other?
The sermon was titled “Dancing with Dementia”. “What perfect timing!” I thought, as I was sitting down. This week I will be visiting my parents, who may or not have diagnosed dementia, but who are definitely becoming less engaged in life, and it hurts.
My brother, my sister, and I have decided to try to have “the talk” with them about aging, about whether they need help in daily living, and about whether they might consider starting to think about moving into an assisted living situation. It won’t be easy.
I also reflected on how my feelings and reactions in this situation parallel my feelings and reactions to active alcoholism, when that was happening in my life. Which brings me to the question, how can I use these tools in this new situation?
The keys seem to be these:

* Dementia is a disease, just as alcoholism is a disease.
* I can meet them where they are.
* I can live in the moment.
* I can find compassion for my loved ones.
* I can recognize and feel my grief, and have compassion for myself.

An upcoming topic is the “gift of Al-Anon” that says “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” How do you see this coming true in your recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show

This is the song that he wrote for Barbara Brussell, a friend of one of his daughters. Barbara was a high school dance student who was seriously injured in a car accident involving a drunk driver that killed her teacher and two of her classmates. Her knee was so badly damaged that it was doubtful that she would ever walk again, let alone dance. He visited her in the hospital and bet her that within a year she would come dancing up the road to his home in Big Sur to a song that he would write. The song he wrote within a few days was Let It Be A Dance. A year later, she came dancing, limping, but dancing up the road as he played his guitar and sang, “Let it be a dance we do./ May I have this dance with you?/ Through the good times/ And the bad times, too,/ Let it be a dance.”
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 38:20 Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/#respond Wed, 06 Jul 2016 01:41:59 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3519 What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life? Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable. Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness? How...

The post Step 1: Powerlessness and Power – Episode 160 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/07/step-1-episode-160/feed/ 0 http://podcast.therecoveryshow.com/160-step-1.jpg What does it mean to be powerless? How can admitting powerlessness give you power over the unmanageability of your life?
Spencer and Tom, joined virtually by Sara and Gerrie talk about Step 1, We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and our lives had become unmanageable.

* Why is it difficult to admit my powerlessness?
* How do the effects of alcoholism make my life unmanageable?
* What is my “First Step story”?
* What keeps me holding on to the illusion that I have the power to change someone else?
* How do I determine I am powerless over someone else’s behavior?
* Do I accept that alcoholism is a disease? How does/did that change how I interact with the drinker?
* How do I react when others refuse to be or do as I wish?
* What would happen if I stopped trying to change others? ]
* How can I let go of others’ problems instead of trying to solve them?
* Do I say “yes” when I want to say “no”? What happens to my ability to manage my own life when I do this?
* How can admitting powerlessness lead me to new power?
* How does Step 1 help me let go of blame and shame?
* What tools do I use to find serenity when my life seems unmanageable?

Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. “Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Dixie Chicks: Silent House
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1JiyK5v0dag
Télépopmusik: Breathe

The Corrs: What Can I Do?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=234u2ZV8HNY
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:30:32 Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/#comments Tue, 28 Jun 2016 01:03:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3511 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity Part 2 – Episode 159 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-2/feed/ 2 This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6. This is part 2 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 4 through 6.
]]> The Recovery Show full false 49:08 Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/#comments Tue, 21 Jun 2016 01:32:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3507   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.  

The post Stepping Stones to Serenity – 1 – Episode 158 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/stepping-stones-1/feed/ 1   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.   This is part 1 of a 4-part seminar titled “Stepping Stones to Serenity”, presented by Ellen C in 2008. This part covers steps 1 through 3.
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 49:44 Seeing Clearly – Episode 157 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/#respond Tue, 14 Jun 2016 12:12:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3493 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Our sight, once clouded… Implies impaired vision Only able to see a short distance Lacking perspective Denial Paradoxically living in the future Guilt Overcompensation I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/seeing-clearly-157/feed/ 0 “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.”
Our sight, once clouded…

* Implies impaired vision
* Only able to see a short distance
* Lacking perspective
* Denial
* Paradoxically living in the future
* Guilt
* Overcompensation
* I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing
* Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration.

And confused…. How was I confused?

* Impaired thought processes,
* Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing
* I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation
* I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family
* I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them,
* Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault
* Others came first, always
* I did not value myself
* I did not believe myself loveable
* Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone
* Believing I had control over people, places, and things
* Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease.

We will be able to perceive reality

* We climb out of the clouds one step at a time
* This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program
* As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality
* Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth

We will be able to recognize truth

* This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings.
* Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative.
* I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me
* Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets
* Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall.
* On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing,
* Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in.

Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices.
This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book From Survival to Recovery.
Upcoming topics include Step 1 “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.” How have you found power in admitting your powerlessness? How was (is) your life unmanageble? How does this step help lead you into recovery? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Mentioned in the show
Claire asked about setting limits on her children. We've done a few episodes on boundaries, including:
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:36:58 Life on Purpose – Episode 156 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/#respond Tue, 07 Jun 2016 03:09:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3490 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose. How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose? What is the purpose of “purpose”?...

The post Life on Purpose – Episode 156 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/06/life-on-purpose-156/feed/ 0 Can you say what is your purpose? How do you decide what to do on a daily basis? What do you want to be “when you grow up”? This episode is inspired by the book Life on Purpose.

* How has recovery challenged me to articulate my values and my purpose?
* What is the purpose of “purpose”?

* Give direction and meaning to my life
* Articulate what matters to me


* Creating my life vs taking life for granted.
* Live a longer and healthier life?
* “So let’s imagine a drug that was shown to add years to your life; reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke; cut your risk of Alzheimer’s disease by more than half; help you relax during the day and sleep better at night; double your chances of staying drug- and alcohol-free after treatment; activate your natural killer cells; diminish your inflammatory cells; increase your good cholesterol; and repair your DNA. What if this imaginary drug reduced hospital stays so much that it put a dent in the national health-care crisis? Oh, and as a bonus, gave you better sex? The pharmaceutical company who made the drug would be worth billions. The inventors of the drug would receive Nobel Prizes and have institutes named for them! But it’s not a drug. It’s purpose. And it’s free. Oh, and the side effects? More friends. More happiness. Deeper engagement in life. And did I mention better sex?”
* Eudaimonic (self-transcending) vs Hedonic (self-enhancing) pleasure.

* Eudaimonic pleasure: Connecting with our (inner) divinity, living in harmony with it.
* Hedonic pleasure: gratifying short-term desires.
* How do we do this in recovery? Step 11!


* How do I find and describe my purpose?

* Consider my different roles? Do I have a purpose in each of those roles?

* Community
* Work
* Family
* Self


* What do I want written on my headstone? (“Mentor, Husband and Father”? Or “Highest score in Candy Crush”?)


* What are my values?

* From episode 101: Integrity, Commitment, Acceptance, Love
* How do these drive my purpose?
* What other values might be part of my purpose?
* What are the values of people I admire? How do they live their purposes?


* Affirming values as a reason for behavior change enhances the ability to make that change. (Connecting to Steps 6 & 7.)

* A positive approach to behavior change.
* From AA Big Book: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives.”
* And “When we retire at night, we constructively review our day.”


* What are my goals (based on my values)? (Statements starting with “To…”)

* To lead others into recovery. (Community)
* To create software that makes a difference in people’s lives. (Work)
* To be a loving and committed husband, father, and son. (Family)
* To be fully present and to enjoy life. (Personal)


* Self-transcendance

* Step 3 – Living according to my Higher Power’s will.
* “Make the other band members look and sound good. Bring out the best in them; that’s your job.” – CHRISSIE HYNDE
* Find a self-transcending “why” for what I do, and I will do better!
* But also: set good boundaries!


* Time management or Energy management?

* It’s really about energy management.
* Positive affirmation of values and purpose can increase energy. (also “gratitude list”)
* But not just energy – it needs direction. Without a direction, all the energy in the world is unlikely to accomplish something.
* Roughly two thousand years ago,]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:09:16 Say Yes! to Life – Episode 155 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/#respond Tue, 24 May 2016 01:28:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3485 Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/yes-to-life-155/feed/ 0 I attended a memorial service for a childhood friend. Family and friends shared their memories, and I reflected on the ways we say "Yes!" to life, in death. Last weekend, I drove back to the city I grew up in, to attend a memorial service for a childhood friend. As family and friends shared their memories of my friend, I reflected on the ways we say “Yes!” to life in the presence of death. This week, I am re-issuing episode 76, Loss, with a new title. The original notes for that episode follow.
What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.

* The story.
* How did I deal with loss in the past?

* Stuff it
* Ignore it
* Numb it
* Isolate


* Other kinds of loss?

* Loss of dreams
* Loss of friendship

* Separation and divorce




* Fear of Loss
* How has the program helped me to deal with loss?

* Feel it.
* Acceptance.
* Gratitude for what was.
* Grief process — acknowledge it.
* Less guilt.


* How to deal with loss and grief

* Take care of self
* Prayer
* Ask for help
* Talk about it
* One Day at a Time
* Letting go



Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Green Day – Wake Me Up when September Ends
Jimmy Eat World – Hear You Me
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 48:55 Mothers Day – Episode 154 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/#respond Tue, 17 May 2016 04:57:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3481 Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother. What was your mother like? What...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/mothers-day-154/feed/ 0 Happy Mothers Day. Are you a mother? What did you learn from your mother? How has recovery changed your way of being a mother, or your relationship with your mother? Inspired by the US holiday, Mothers Day, Carrie and Spencer talk about mothers, their relationship with their mothers, and being a mother.

* What was your mother like?
* What was your relationship with her like?

* Loving?
* Complicated?
* Difficult?


* What did you learn from her?

* About how to live?
* About how to relate to others?
* About being a parent?


* Are you a mother now?
* What did your mothering look like before coming into the program?
* What has changed about how you are a mother since you came into recovery?
* How do you incorporate what you have learned into your mothering?
* How has your understanding of / relationship with your mother changed in recovery?
* How do you relate to your mother now?

Upcoming topics include loss and grief. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Akilah mentioned a meditation app, Stop Breathe, Think.
Music from the show
The cast of Empire, featuring Jussie Smollet: Good Enough

Lunchmoney Lewis: Mama

Elizabeth Mitchell: You Are my Sunshine

Elizabeth Mitchell: You are my Sunshine

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:26:53 Ajit S Open Talk – Episode 153 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/#respond Tue, 10 May 2016 00:59:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3479 This open talk by Ajit S was recorded at the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. I first heard Ajit on a tape or CD some years ago, when I was new in the Al-Anon. I liked what he had to say and how he said it. He has a great self-deprecating humor...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/ajit-s-open-talk-episode-153/feed/ 0 An open talk by Ajit S from the We Are Not Saints AA roundup in 2007. Great wisdom from his years in Al-Anon and a unique vision of his Higher Power. Our topic for next week is Mothers Day. What was relationship like with your mother – the challenges and gifts. If you are a mother, what did your mothering look like before program (if you came after being a mom for a while), and how do you incorporate what you've learned from Al Anon in your current mothering. Men, you can contribute, too, except you probably can't talk about your experience as a mother. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Eva recommended Bob Moses with Tearing Me Up.

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:13 Shutting down as a defense – Episode 152 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/#comments Tue, 03 May 2016 05:19:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3475 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Here's our outline: Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down? “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.” “If I don’t think about a problem, it will...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/05/shutting-down/feed/ 1 Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense. Do you retreat into yourself when problems arise? Do you prefer not to hear bad news? Maybe you are shutting down as a defense.
Here's our outline:

Which of these statements do I connect with about shutting down?

* “When I am stressed, I retreat into myself.”
* “If I don’t think about a problem, it will go away.” (Tom)
* “Instead of doing something, I chew over my problems in my head, over and over.”
* “I escape into a book/movie/tv show/video game/… when I don’t want to face something.”
* “Conflict just shuts me down. Sometimes I can’t even talk.”
* “I keep busy with unimportant tasks, so I don’t have to face the things I don’t want to do.” (Tom)
* “When there is chaos around me, I can’t do anything. I just shut down and retreat into my skull.”
* “I hide by not answering the phone, or not opening mail.” (Tom)
* “I fantasize about a better future, but I don’t seem to be able to do anything about getting there.” (Tom)
* “In an airport or other public space I make sure nobody will sit next to me.” (Tom)
* “I avoid difficult conversations at all costs.”
* “There’s only one way to survive life. Shut down, or get hurt and die.”


* What have I learned about myself, and about my ways of “shutting down” and “escaping”?

* Conflict avoidant.
* Lack of self-worth/self-esteem.
* Fear of criticism, rejection, other mental/spiritual harm.
* Fear of bodily harm.
* Fear of intimacy.
* Denial — if I don’t “know” about a problem, maybe it won’t happen.
* Isolating
* Depression


* When can it be healthy to “shut down”?

* Detachment
* Taking a break
* Resting


* What tools can I use to face daily conflicts, problems, and discomfort of dealing with other people?

* Serenity prayer.
* Other prayers.
* Inventory. (I can’t change something if I don’t see it.)
* Gratitude.
* Check in with program friends.
* Living in the moment. “One day at a time.”
* Meditation.
* Practicing Step 10. “… and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.”
* Self-acceptance
* Vulnerability.
* HOW: “Honest, open, and willing.”
* Detachment — “it’s not me/mine”
* Scheduling activities with others to prevent a self-isolating funk
* Progress not perfection



Some online resources
Suppressing Emotions
Emotionally Closed Off: Healing Pain and Learning to Love
Why Anxiety Causes Detachment “Why anxiety causes detachment” (about the “bad” kind of detachment — distancing, emotional shutting down)
Upcoming topics include another “gift of Al-Anon”. This one is “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The 12 Traditions as a Guide to Relationships (PDF)
Music from the show
Christina Perri: Jar of Hearts

Alessia Cara: Here

Cocteau Twins: Throughout the Dark Months of April and May (and, yes, I mis-stated the title as “… March and April”. Wishful thinking?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rhdLo_hHs8
 
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:22:54 Meditation – Episode 151 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/#respond Thu, 28 Apr 2016 06:05:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3459 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate? Spencer...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/meditation-151/feed/ 0 How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say "I need to do that!" "I've got to get into doing it regularly." "I know it would really help me." So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? How do you meditate? Or, DO you meditate? Meditation is something of which many of us say “I need to do that!” “I've got to get into doing it regularly.” “I know it would really help me.” So why is this? What is blocking us? What good can it do us? And what ways are there to meditate?
Spencer and Eric talk briefly about their (non-)understanding of meditation before coming to recovery. We explore some of the benefits of meditation. And talk about the ways in which we have practiced it. Eric points out that the key word here is “practice.” Just as we must exercise our muscles to become competent at a physical activity, we also need to exercise our “meditating muscles.” Carrie and Patty also share some of their experience and understanding.
For some articles and a video about the benefits of meditation, read on.
This short article, titled “Benefits of Meditation: The Power of the Silent Mind over the Body” quickly describes some of these benefits, including decreased anxiety and depression, along with increased pain tolerance, and and improved immune system.
A fun article about “The Most Relaxing Songs of All Time, According to Science” lists 10 songs that promote relaxation, including “the most relaxing song, ever.” Spencer recalls using the music of Enya (number 4 in the list) to calm his young children when the chaos was just too much. (Science!)
A blog post from Psychology Today, “How to Practice Mindfulness Meditation” is a brief introduction to this practice. It asks “Aren't we interested in tuning in to this natural wisdom, this brilliant sanity, that we've heard about?” Another entry from Psychology Today, titled “This is your Brain on Meditation” has more technical background about the effects and benefits of meditating.
Forbes Magazine has an article “7 Ways Meditation can actually Change the Brain“, reporting that it “helps relieve our subjective levels of anxiety and depression, and improve attention, concentration, and overall psychological well-being.”
The Insight Timer app is a great aid for iPhone or Android. Spencer also has used the Mindfulness app, which has a variety of silent and guided meditations.
Eric participates in a regular phone meditation meeting at 8:30AM (Eastern US time) 712-432-8818 and then enter the PIN 8888#. Other Al-Anon phone meetings are listed at phonemeetings.org.
Patty talked about the book “8 Minute Meditation” in her voice mail.
Upcoming topics include the promise “Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Cloud Cult: Time Machine Invention

The Scientific Power of Meditation

John Mayer: Gravity

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:24:25 Your Voice – Episode 150 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/#respond Mon, 18 Apr 2016 18:55:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3451 Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!” Commitment People say, what is the sense of our small effort. They cannot see that we must lay one brick...

The post Your Voice – Episode 150 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/your-voice-episode-150/feed/ 0 StoryDo you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others? Do you sometimes feel that you have nothing to contribute? That your voice is meaningless? That you can't say anything to help others?
I was inspired by this reading to say “No! Your voice matters!”
Commitment
People say, what is the sense of our small effort.
They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time.
A pebble cast into a pond causes ripples that spread in all directions. Each one of our thoughts, words and deeds is like that.
— Dorothy Day
Your voices, as heard via e-mail and by voice mail, form the heart of this episode. Dxpressing your experience, strength and hope, your fears, abd your questions.
Carrie sent a list of topic ideas, but more than just that — she expressed her experience and her doubts on each one. The topics are listed below, and I'd love to hear from you. Some of these, we have talked about before, but there's always more to say, especially when your voice joins the conversation. What is your experience? What hope do you offer? Where have you found strength? And what questions do you still have?

* Sleep
* Perfectionism
* How to rebuild trust when they stop drinking
* When your loved one stops drinking but won't go to AA
* Narcissism
* Al-Anon speaker talks
* How our Al-Anon-ism shows up physically
* Al-Anon slip-ups
* My first meeting
* Sponsorship – how to find one
* “Came to believe”
* Finding myself again
* Shutting down (as a defense)
* Recovery on the road
* Anger
* Carrying the message
* Gratitude
* Anything inspired by Brené Brown
* Hypervigilance
* Parenting “the Al-Anon way”

She also sent us a link to an Al-Anon speaker talk she particularly connects with. See below for the YouTube video.
If you would like to contribute your voice, please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. See our contact page for more ways to join our conversation.
Other episodes and links
Our First Meetings – Episode 26

Parents roundtable – Episode 22

Living with Lies – Episode 132

Sponsorship – Episode 25

Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32

Carrie sent us these links with quotes about failure:

* http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/topics/topic_failure.html
* https://www.pinterest.com/lisaboerum/failure/

An Al-Anon speaker talk

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 37:38 Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/#respond Mon, 11 Apr 2016 23:33:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3446 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book. There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory...

The post Fourth Step Inventory – Episode 149 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/fourth-step-episode-149/feed/ 0 Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the "How it Works" chapter in the AA Big Book. Have you done a fourth step inventory? How did you do it? Join Mike S. and David M. as they lead a workshop on using the 4th step inventory worksheets, based on the process described in the “How it Works” chapter in the AA Big Book.
There are 4 worksheets, corresponding to the 4 inventory categories listed in the Big Book: resentments, fears, sex conduct, and harms to others. Each worksheet has 4 or 5 columns to be filled in, one column at a time.
For example, in the worksheet for fears, the first column is headed “What am I afraid of?” In this column, I might list financial insecurity, (negative) judgement by others, people not liking me, etc. I should finish this column before moving on. The second column heading asks “Why do I have the fear?”. I might say “because I never seem to have as much money as I want” in the first row, and so on. The 3rd column is titled “Which part of self have I been relying on that has failed me?” It has sub-headings “self-reliance”, “self-confidence”, “self-discipline”, “self-will”, and a blank space to enter other parts of self, if these don't fit your case. In my first row, I might check “self-reliance” and “self-discipline”. In the second and third, I will clearly mark “self-confidence”. The fourth column asks “What part of self does the fear affect?”, and has these subheadings: Self esteem, pride, emotional security, pocketbook, ambitions, personal relations, and sex relations. Again, I will fill these in from top to bottom. In the first row, I check self esteem, emotional security, pocketbook, and ambitions. In the second, self esteem, pride, and personal relations. And so on.
The other worksheets are arranged similarly. In each, you fill in columns from top to bottom, as completely as possible, before moving on to the next column. Mike and David work through several examples, and provide explanations of what some of the words and concepts mean to them. Members of the audience chime in with suggestions and questions. I feel that I have a better understanding now of how I could use these worksheets, having listened to their presentations.
Our topic for next week is meditation. Do you meditate? How? Does the idea of sitting still and thinking of “nothing” just seem impossible? Are there are other ways to meditate? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:24:59 Worthy of Love – Episode 148 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/#respond Tue, 05 Apr 2016 03:28:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3439 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. What does this mean to you? If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?...

The post Worthy of Love – Episode 148 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/04/worthy-of-love-episode-148/feed/ 0 We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.

* What does this mean to you?
* If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

* would you have made sense of it at all?
* would you have believed it could be true for you?
* Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


* What does it mean to you

* To be worthy of love?
* To be worthy of loving?
* To love without losing yourself?
* To accept love?


* As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

* Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
* Did parts of it start to make sense?
* Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
* Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


* How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
* What progress do you still look forward to?
* What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include meditation and recovery while traveling. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Mentioned in the show
Episode 77 Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay?
Episode 65 Hope
Swetha and Kelli's goodbye letter.
Music from the show
Sara McLachlan: I will Remember you

Miranda Cosgrove: Hey You

Mary Lambert: Body Love

Trigger warning: self-harm
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:04:01 Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/#respond Tue, 29 Mar 2016 03:20:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3432 “Who will roll away the stone?” The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we...

The post Roll Away the Stone – Episode 147 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/roll-away-the-stone-episode-147/feed/ 0 "Who will roll away the stone?" The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial. “Who will roll away the stone?”
The story of Easter is one of resurrection and recovery. But, we need help to roll away the stone from the tomb of our despair and denial.
In Al-Anon, we find that help. It might come from recognition that we are not alone, that others have been where we are, and have found serenity and happiness despite the unmanageability brought by alcoholism and addiction. It might come from working the 12 steps, and from the tools of our program of recovery. It might come from the love and support of a Higher Power that some of us name God. But however it might come, it does come when we seek it and work for it.
Happy Easter, and may you find the recovery you are seeking. May you find the help you need to roll away your stone.
The opening reading is from the blog Nancy's Chutney, titled Resurrection from deadness.
Upcoming topics include meditation and another of the “Gifts of Al-Anon.” We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return. How do you see this coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Mott the Hoople: Roll Away the Stone

Leon Russell: Roll Away the Stone

Mumford and Sons: Roll Away your Stone

Bonus: L suggested “Father in a Bottle” by Annie Humphrey. L says “Her song describes the sadness and loss from the perspective of a daughter of an alcoholic father in a very simple yet reflective way.”

 
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 24:57 Emotional Safety – Episode 146 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/#comments Tue, 22 Mar 2016 12:15:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3428 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Thought questions for this discussion include these: What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different? How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens...

The post Emotional Safety – Episode 146 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/emotional-safety-episode-146/feed/ 4 Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety. Do you feel emotionally safe? Do you close out intimacy because it threatens you? Let's talk about emotional safety.
Thought questions for this discussion include these:
What is emotional safety? What is emotional security? How do they relate to each other and how are they different?
How are emotional safety and security threatened? What happens to us internally when we feel under threat?
Is emotional abuse less “real” than physical abuse?
How can Al-Anon help us recover and regain our feelings of emotional safety and security? What tools help? Which steps? How do we provide a safe environment for healing in our meetings? In face-to-face interactions with a sponsor or program friend?
Resources that we used in this episode include:

* Emotional Safety: How it Works or Doesn't (Psychology Today)
* Emotional Safety: What Does It Really Mean? (Psychology Today)
* Keeping a Relationship Emotionally Safe (SSA Magazine)
* Tips for Enhancing Emotional Safety (National Center for Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health tipsheet)
* Emotional Safety: What it is and Why it's Important (family-marriage-counseling.com)
* Rebuilding Emotional Safety In Your Damaged Relationship (CompulsionSolutions.com)

Our topic for next week is one of the gifts of Al-Anon: “We will discover that we are both worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.” Do you feel worthy of love? Can you love without losing yourself? How has this changed in recovery?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Grimes: Oblivion

Mandisa: Overcomer

Christina Aguilera: The Voice Within

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:09 So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/#respond Thu, 17 Mar 2016 01:33:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3426 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings...

The post So, You Love an Alcoholic – Episode 145 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/you-love-alcoholic-145/feed/ 0 Do you love an alcoholic? Has that love brought you fear, anger, shame, and joy? 3 Al-Anon speakers from a session at the 2015 AA International Convention share their experience, strength, and hope. A listener emailed with a question about emotional abuse and emotional safety. Have you felt emotionally unsafe? Have you dismissed those feelings because you were physically safe? How has recovery helped you move forward and become emotionally secure? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
The meditation Let God was enjoyed by another listener.

Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinking Problem

Concrete Blonde: Joey

Nathaniel Rateliff and the Night Sweats: S.O.B.

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:18:17 The 4 M’s – Episode 84 redux https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/#comments Wed, 09 Mar 2016 00:47:43 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3423 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of”...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/4-ms-episode-84-redux/feed/ 1 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.
Spencer had a very full weekend, so please enjoy this “best of” episode.
Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the “4 M's” and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.

* How do/did I try to manipulate others?

* “Setting up” a situation
* passive/agressive behavior


* How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?

* How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?
* Have I ever been called a control freak?


* How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?
* How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?
* What tools does Alanon give us?
* Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.
* Loving detachment
* Self care

Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pink Floyd – Mother

 
Taylor Swift – Picture to Burn

 
Depeche Mode – Martyr

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:25:24 Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/#respond Tue, 01 Mar 2016 12:46:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3404 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though...

The post Joy, Fulfillment and Wonder – Episode 144 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/03/joy-fulfillment-wonder/feed/ 0 Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come? Do you have joy in your life? Do you feel fulfilled? Are you finding these gifts in recovery? Or are you still waiting for them to come?
In this first episode in a series, we explore a “Gift of Al-Anon“.
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
Spencer and Brooke explore how this gift is appearing in their lives, guided by these questions.

If you had read or heard this statement when you had just arrived in Al-Anon, what would you have thought of it?

would you have made sense of it at all?
would you have believed it could be true for you?
Did parts of that statement seem true already? Which parts and why?


As you have traveled your recovery path, how has your understanding of this statement changed?

Are there parts you thought were true that you came to see were not true?
Did parts of it start to make sense?
Did you find a deeper understanding of parts of it?
Did you see that this was true of others in the program, and come to want it for yourself?


How do you see this gift coming true in your life today?
What progress do you still look forward to?
What would you say to a newcomer who can’t believe this could ever come true in their own life?

Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Joseph suggested “The Weight” by The Band as a song that feels good.

Susan said “it reminds me of my recovered self” when she recommended “Inner Ninja” by Classified.

About “Lost in my Mind” by The Head and the Heart, Kathleen wrote
I love this song for its tone of compassion for overthinking and obsessive thinking. It was a theme song in the movie Silver Lining Playbook and I just heard it performed by staff and some patients at a charity event at the mental health facility, Skyland Trail in Atlanta, GA. Very powerful moment for me as an Alanon and mom of a daughter with bipolar disorder.

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:51 God of our Understanding – Episode 143 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/#respond Tue, 23 Feb 2016 00:41:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3398 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their...

The post God of our Understanding – Episode 143 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/god-of-our-understanding-143/feed/ 0 What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God? What did you think when you saw the word “God” in the 12 steps? Did you think you would be forced to believe in some particular religion? Or did you think you couldn’t find help because you didn’t believe in God?
Two speakers from a NA convention share their experience finding a God of their understanding. (From the Recovery Radio Network.)
Our topic for next week is the first in a series on the “gifts of Al-Anon.”
We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
How have you found this coming true in your life? Or are you still waiting?
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Filled with Loving Kindness

U2: I Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking for

Leann Rimes: Amazing Grace

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:09:04 Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/#comments Tue, 16 Feb 2016 05:09:26 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3390 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include Romantic love Sexual love Parental love Familial...

The post Love and Alcoholism – Episode 142 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/love-episode-142/feed/ 1 What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart. What does Love mean to you? Has alcoholism turned your love turned to hate? Or maybe, you feel both at once and it’s tearing you apart.
The ancient Greeks had 4 words for different kinds of love. In English, we have to use adjectives to distinguish them. These include

Romantic love
Sexual love
Parental love
Familial love
Obsessive love
Compassionate love
Love of humanity
Unconditional love

In an alcoholic relationship, love can become poisoned, eventually turning into dislike or hate. We can feel both of these emotions at once, which is certainly confusing. Our recovery tools can help to detangle this messy web of feelings. By learning about the disease of alcoholism, we can begin to find compassion for our loved one, and to separate the person from the effects of the disease. This can help us to detach with love, and to find a way to live our life with balance and serenity, even while the alcoholic behavior continues.
Fear of consequences to a love one can compel us to try to control their actions and outcomes. As the reading about Step 1 in How Al-Anon Works states,
… many of us have confused love with interference. We don’t know how to show affection or support without giving advice, seeking to sway another’s decisions, or trying to get those we love to do what we think will bring them happiness. We confuse caring with controlling because we don’t know how to allow others the dignity of being themselves.
We can treat our loved ones as helpless babies who must be protected and helped. Such behavior is appropriate for a baby or young child. But we need to let go of doing that for the adults in our lives. As a child grows up, our love demands that we let them learn to do things for themselves and experience consequences, so that they will be able to live independently as adults.
In the suggested Al-Anon closing, we are told that
… though you may not like all of us, you’ll love us in a very special way— the same way we already love you.
It is also said that in recovery, “we love you until you can learn to love yourself.” What does this mean? We have learned to love ourselves as our higher power loves us – unconditionally – strengths, flaws, and all. And thus, we learn to see you as a lovable human being, struggling to recover from the effects of alcoholism or addiction, and we can love you just as you are.
Upcoming topics include recovery in divorce, and the “gifts of Al-Anon”. The first of these states, “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How is this gift coming true in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
In this show, I recommended a talk titled “God of our Understanding” at the Recovery Radio Network. They have a huge database of recovery talks, and also deliver a new talk every week day as a podcast to which you can subscribe.
I also talked about an episode of On Being with the brain surgeon James Doty in which he talks about how changing his attitude – changing how he looked at his life and his situation – enabled him to break out of his alcoholic family situation and led him to a “vision that anything...]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:04:16 Intimacy – Episode 141 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/#comments Tue, 09 Feb 2016 05:54:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3382 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor. Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and...

The post Intimacy – Episode 141 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/intimacy-episode-141/feed/ 2 Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal se... Intimacy requires dialog, transparency, vulnerability and reciprocity; it is sustained through well-developed emotional and interpersonal awareness; it comes from a center of self-knowledge and self differentiation; and it evolves through reciprocal self disclosure and candor.
Spencer recently was a speaker at an open panel meeting titled “The Effects of Alcoholism and Addiction on Intimacy and Sexual Relationships”. Hear his sharing about how his ability to be intimate was damaged by alcoholism, and how he is rediscovering intimacy in recovery.
Tom and Grace also attended the panel, and we talk about what we expected, what happened, and how it touched us.
Grace shares her experience as an organizer of the meeting. We recognize that these topics are not ones that we frequently talk about in our meetings. Intimacy and sex are severely affected in alcoholic relationships, and we need to be talking about them more than we do.
One upcoming topic is recovery in divorce. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
The Al-Anon WSO is soliciting shares for a new publication on Intimacy in Alcoholic Relationships. If you would like to share your experience, strength, and hope, please use these guidelines to do so.
Claire recommended these books for Adult Children:

 

Music from the show
Tori Amos: Enjoy the Silence

Jamyang: Things We Ought to Say
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7cvt-SOjYWQ
Vienna Teng: Eric's Song

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:17:37 Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/#respond Tue, 02 Feb 2016 03:53:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3377 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength,...

The post Sponsorship: a prompt – Episode 140 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/02/sponsorship-a-prompt/feed/ 0 Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it! Do you have a sponsor? Do you sponsor others in the program? How has your sponsor supported your recovery? How has being a sponsor supported and enriched your recovery? Tell us about it!
Two of us share our experience as a sponsor, and of being sponsored, and then challenge you to share your experience, strength, and hope with us.
Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. See our contact page for detailed information about how to join our conversation.

Music from the show
The Hollies: He Ain't Heavy (He's my Brother)

Pearl Jam: Force of Nature

John Lennon: Imagine

 
 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 43:33 It’s a We program – Episode 139 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/#respond Tue, 26 Jan 2016 03:50:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3373 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”. The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/we-139/feed/ 0 The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope? The first word of the first step is “We”. It is often said “this is a ‘we’ program.” What does that really mean? How do we find recovery from sharing our experience, strength and hope?


All the steps (not just the first) start with “we”.

The AA big book prefaces the steps with “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery:”
The foreword to the 3rd edition of the AA “big book” says “… at its core it remains simple and personal. Each day, somewhere in the world, recovery begins when one alcoholic talks with another alcoholic, sharing experience, strength, and hope.
We know who we mean

Tradition 3 says “… The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”
Tradition 5: “… welcoming families of alcoholics …”


Fellowship

This word appears over 60 times in the text of How Al-Anon Works.
You may have first heard this word in the suggested opening words at your first meeting:

We welcome you to [this] Al-Anon Family Group and hope you will find in this fellowship the help and friendship we have been privileged to enjoy. We who live or have lived with the problem of alcoholism understand as perhaps few others can. We, too, were lonely and frustrated, but in Al-Anon/ Alateen we discover that no situation is really hopeless and that it is possible for us to find contentment, and even happiness, whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not. We urge you to try our program. It has helped many of us find solutions that lead to serenity. So much depends on our own attitudes, and as we learn to place our problem in its true perspective, we find it loses its power to dominate our thoughts and our lives.



How it works

My experience
First meeting: no longer alone (I was “one more”)
Early meetings: finding commonality
Wanting “what you had”. Others had walked this path before me.
Getting a sponsor: A personal companion on the journey. A voice that is not mine.
Working the steps in a group: coming to trust. I’m not uniquely broken. Letting go of shame.


Step 12: “… to carry this message to others”

We do this. Not professionals, not specialists, but us, and only us.
Leading the “newcomers’ meeting”. Sharing our experience, giving those new to the program a place to share theirs and to ask questions.
Being a sponsor


I say “we” because I heal when you share your experience, strength and hope with me. I heal when I become part of “we”. And we know who we mean. And each day, we become (at least) one more.




Upcoming topics include the first gift of Al-Anon: “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life?
A suggested topic is “recovery after divorce.” Please share your experience so others can benefit.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Spencer was inspired to this topic by a poem “The Low Road” by Marge Piercy.
Susanne recommended http://storiesofrecovery.org/, as a resource for talks on recovery topics,]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:47 Families – Episode 138 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/#respond Tue, 19 Jan 2016 04:06:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3368 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/families-episode-138/feed/ 0 Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery? Another conversation about families. What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to families in recovery?
Tom joins us, and talks about what his family was like growing up, what he brought from that into his adult life, what he rebelled against, and how he is using his recovery programs to find a more balanced way of living and relating to his families — his family of origin and his recovery family.
As with last week's conversation, we were guided by these questions:

* Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

* Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
* Was there codepenency?


* What did you learn in your family of origin?

* About relating to other people?
* About keeping secrets?
* About love?


* How did these affect your life before recovery?

* Your relationships?
* Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
* Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
* If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
* etc?


* Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
* How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
* How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
* How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
* How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

An upcoming topic is the first “gift of Al-Anon”.  It says “We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.” How do you see this gift appearing in your life? Or are you still waiting for it? Another topic I’m thinking about is “We”. What does it mean to you that this is a “we” program? How does hearing the experience of others and sharing your own lead to recovery? To me, this is both the core and the mystery of our program.
Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Eminem: Cleanin' Out My Closet

The Ramones: We're a Happy Family

Nirvana: Been a Son

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:03:12 Family – Episode 137 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/#comments Tue, 12 Jan 2016 03:35:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3365 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions. Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in. Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction? Was there codepenency? What did you learn...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/family-episode-137/feed/ 2 What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery? What did you learn from your family of origin? How have you found new ways to relate to your family in recovery?
Spencer and Mara talk about family, guided by these questions.

Describe, generally, what kind of family you grew up in.

Was there (active) alcoholism or addiction?
Was there codepenency?


What did you learn in your family of origin?

About relating to other people?
About keeping secrets?
About love?


How did these affect your life before recovery?

Your relationships?
Your ability to take life on life’s terms?
Your desire/need to control others and your environment?
If you are a parent, what patterns from your parents did you bring into your new family?
etc?


Alcoholism is described in our literature as a “family illness”. In what ways do you now understand this description?
How has alcoholism or addiction affected you and your family (current or family of origin)? How has your perception of this changed in recovery?
How has recovery helped you to develop / discover new ways of being in family?
How has recovery helped you to be with your family of origin?
How do you use the principles of the program (including traditions and concepts) in your family or other relationships today?

 
Upcoming topics include “We”, and the “gifts of Al-Anon.” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Pink: Family Portrait

Pearl Jam: My Father's Son

 
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:18:41 Old Year New Year – Episode 136 https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/#respond Tue, 05 Jan 2016 04:40:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3361 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals. Did I...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2016/01/old-year-new-year-136/feed/ 0 What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year? What have you accomplished in the past year? How did you work your recovery? What are you looking forward to in the new year?
Reflect on your year past, look forward to the new year with these thought questions. In this episode, Spencer reflects on his 2015 and looks at his 2016 goals.

Did I have recovery goals for 2015? What were they?
Did I have other goals for 2015? What were they?
How did I reach towards my goals?
Outside of goals, how did I work my program in 2015?
What did I find out about myself this year?
What changes have I made or been making this year?
What has changed in my life this year?
What did I achieve this year? In recovery? In my life in general?
What will I keep on doing in 2016?
What do I want to do differently/new in 2016?
Am I setting any SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-bound)? Why might I want to do this? Why not?

Upcoming topics include families, and balancing more than one recovery program.
What did you learn in your family, growing up? How have you carried that into your present? Was your family “crazy” or “normal”? How have you learned a new way to be in family through recovery?
Are you in another recovery program? How do you balance your programs? Did you find a difference working the steps in Al-Anon?
 Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Links
Greg referred to the essay on Emotional Sobriety by Bill W.
He also suggested that we do a series on the Alanon Gifts.
Music from the show
Courtney Barnett: Nobody Really Cares if you don't go to the Party

Kendrick Lamar: How Much a Dollar Cost

Protomartyr: Why Does it Shake?

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 52:16 Cooperation and balance – Episode 135 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/#respond Wed, 30 Dec 2015 06:09:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3354 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members. How does this...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/cooperation-and-balance/feed/ 0 Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions? Do you try to do “all the things” by yourself or do you work in cooperation with others? How do you keep balance and serenity while moving forward? Can Concepts 11 and 12 help answer these questions?
Concept 11: The World Service Office is composed of selected committees, executives and staff members.

* How does this concept help ensure that the work of Al-Anon is accomplished?
* How does this concept help ensure that no one person is overloaded with tasks?
* What does this concept teach me about delegation? About turning things over?
* How can I bring this concept into my family?
* What “committees” might my family have?
* Who are the “executives” of the family? What are their roles? Do those roles ever change?
* Who are the “staff members” of the family? How are they fairly compensated for their work?
* How can me “taking control” make a bad situation worse?
* How does this concept help me to pause and assess a situation before I react?
* What is my purpose? In life? In my family? In my job?

Concept 12: The spiritual foundation for Al-Anon’s world services is contained in the General Warranties of the Conference, Article 12 of the Charter.
General Warranties of the Conference
In all proceedings the World Service Conference of Al-Anon shall observe the spirit of the Traditions:

* that only sufficient operating funds, including an ample reserve, be its prudent financial principle;
* that no Conference member shall be placed in unqualified authority over other members;
* that all decisions be reached by discussion vote and whenever possible by unanimity;
* that no Conference action ever be personally punitive or an incitement to public controversy;
* that though the Conference serves Al-Anon it shall never perform any act of government; and that like the fellowship of Al-Anon Family Groups which it serves, it shall always remain democratic in thought and action.


What are the spiritual principles embodied in these Warranties?

Prudence, humility, substantial unanimity, personal responsibility, avoidance of controversy, mutual respect, and equality.


How do I practice prudence in my financial affairs?
Are there other areas in my life in which I could practice prudence?
Can I keep an “ample reserve” of all that I need? Money, energy, serenity, etc?
What is authority? Do I ever assume unqualified authority?
Can I listen to all sides before making a decision?
What is substantial unanimity?
Can I keep principles above personalities?
Do I like to stir things up?
How is my family democratic in thought? In action?
How can I use all the concepts to live my life more fully and well?

Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Books
Spencer mentioned these books:

 
 

Music from the show
Alicia Keys: Superwoman

Canned Heat: Let's Work Together
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOLXs6dSALo
LeAnn Rimes: We Can

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:44:01 Holiday Survival Kit – Episode 134 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/#respond Tue, 22 Dec 2015 23:02:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3347 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits: Plan ahead Take Al-Anon literature...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/holiday-survival-kit/feed/ 0 Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit? Do you dread the holidays? Do they bring out the worst in you or your loved ones? Are you not sure how you’re going to survive visiting (or visits from) your family? What is in your holiday survival kit?
Here are some items from my and my friends' holiday survival kits:

Plan ahead

Take Al-Anon literature with you.
Talk to Al-Anon friends or your sponsor — get numbers you can call if you need to. Make sure they are in your phone or carry a phone list with you.
Talk about your anxiety or fears with a program friend.


Don’t set unrealistic expectations.
Don’t try to meet others (or your own) unrealistic expectations.
Take care of yourself.

Get enough sleep.
Eat properly.
Get enough “self time” — don’t spend all the time with your family (toxic or not!)


Have an exit plan.

Where can you go to be alone?
Have a way to leave if you need to (drive yourself, for example.)
Stay at a motel instead of in the family home, if possible (see above about others’ expectations!)
Go for a walk.
Make a phone call.
Stay only as long as you want to.
Sit at the “kids table” (they’re usually more sane than the adults!)


Plan to attend meetings.

If you are traveling, check the local Al-Anon district website for meeting times and locations. (Google “Al-Anon in city” works pretty well.)


Take the podcast with you.
Pray and meditate — keep up your recovery routines.

This can be hard when you are not in your own space. Maybe you can’t do it exactly as you do at home, or for as long, but you will feel better if you keep up whatever P&M you normally do.


Take it one day at a time, one hour at a time.
Remember, “this too shall pass.”

Upcoming topics include Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
The Pogues: Fairytale of New York

Dolly Parton: Hard Candy Christmas

Over the Rhine: Darlin' (Christmas is Comin')

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 44:59 The 4 L’s – Episode 133 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/#respond Tue, 15 Dec 2015 05:58:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3302 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. Spencer and Pat discuss “listen, learn, let go, and love”, prompted by these questions. Do you try to fix others if they are...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/four-ls-133/feed/ 0 In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's. In recovery we listen to each other; we learn from each other’s experience strength and hope; we let go of our need to control others; and find love for them. These are the 4 L's.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Pat discuss "listen, learn, let go, and love", prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> Do you try to fix others if they are sharing a problem or difficulty?<br /> Do you have to “be right” or have the last word in discussions or arguments?<br /> Do you feel you have to convince others of your point of view?<br /> When someone disagrees with you do you feel inadequate? do get angry or defensive?<br /> Do you have difficulty moving from PAUSE to saying something that uses the THINK (Is what you are going to say Thoughtful, Honest, I, Necessary or Kind) principle?<br /> What am I learning when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> What am I letting go of when I practice the 4 L’s?<br /> How does listen and learn apply to Al-anon meetings?<br /> Do you take care of everyone else’s needs before listening to and addressing your own?<br /> Do others’ needs take priority before you care for yourself?<br /> Upcoming topics include Surviving the Holidays, and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 1:07:41 Living with Lies – Episode 132 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/#respond Tue, 08 Dec 2015 06:11:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3297 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions. How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)? How...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/12/lies-episode-131/feed/ 0 Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery? Do you obsess over the thought that your loved one might be lying? Do you have to prove the lies? How do you find the ability to trust in recovery?<br /> <br /> Julia joins Spencer to talk about lies, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> How have you been lied to (in relationships with an alcoholic or addict)?<br /> How have you lied to yourself?<br /> How did you react to lies prior to recovery?<br /> Did you become angry? withdraw?<br /> Did you deny them? Ignore them?<br /> Did you make excuses for your loved one’s behavior?<br /> What else?<br /> Can you see your loved one’s lies as a symptom of the disease?<br /> What tools have you used to stay “sane” when you are lied to? How?<br /> Detachment?<br /> Boundaries?<br /> When does lying become a “deal breaker”?<br /> How do you rebuild trust in your loved one?<br /> Are there things you still can’t trust about them or your relationship?<br /> Upcoming topics include the 4 L's, listen, learn, let go, and love; and Concepts of service 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 1:05:23 Slogans part 1 – Episode 131 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/#respond Tue, 24 Nov 2015 16:48:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3286 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … “Let go and Let God.” Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions. What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program? Was there a particular slogan that you...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/slogans-part-1/feed/ 0 Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God." Maybe you’ve heard some of these slogans. “Easy does it.” … “How important is it?” … “Think” … "Let go and Let God."<br /> <br /> Spencer and Eric talk about some slogans, guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What did you think about these slogans when you first came to the program?<br /> Was there a particular slogan that you first “picked up”? How did it help you?<br /> What slogans are you using at this point in your recovery / life?<br /> Easy does it.<br /> How have you used this slogan?<br /> What does it say to you?<br /> How important is it?<br /> What does this slogan remind you to do, or not to do?<br /> How has it helped your recovery?<br /> How does it help you to live with others?<br /> Think<br /> From How Al-Anon Works: “One of the effects of alcoholism is that most of us tend to react to everything we encounter, often perceiving minor incidents as major crises.”<br /> How does “Think” remind me to pause instead of reacting?<br /> How have I used this recently?<br /> In the Step 10 discussion in Paths to Recovery there is an interpretation of THINK as an acronym, giving us questions to ask before opening our mouth: Is it Thoughtful, Honest, Intelligent, Necessary, and Kind?<br /> How do you view the slogans now?<br /> Upcoming topics include Living with Lies, Concepts 11 and 12, and the 4 L's: Listen, Learn, Let Go, and Love. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 1:18:35 Clearing a Path – Episode 130 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/#comments Tue, 17 Nov 2015 01:43:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3278 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of “Clearing a Path”. Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these: A new way of living. Finding...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/clearing-a-path-episode-130/feed/ 2 How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life? How has Al-Anon helped you to clear a path in your life?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, we posted a lead by June on the topic of "Clearing a Path". Today, 5 listeners and Spencer respond to that lead. The themes explored in our experience, strength and hope include these:<br /> <br /> A new way of living.<br /> Finding gratitude for the things we have.<br /> Recognizing the beauty around us.<br /> Turning adversity into advantage.<br /> Serenity can exist in the midst of chaos.<br /> Writing our own story.<br /> Making our own happiness.<br /> Upcoming topics include living with lies and Concepts 11 and 12. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 54:16 Gratitude – Episode 129 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/#respond Tue, 03 Nov 2015 03:58:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3272 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the “punishments” of your life? I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day. (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/11/gratitude-episode-129/feed/ 0 Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life? Have you heard someone say they were grateful for the alcoholics in their life? How do you practice gratitude? Can you find gifts in the "punishments" of your life?<br /> <br /> I reflect on gratitude while walking in the woods on a beautiful fall day.<br /> <br /> (How) can I say I am grateful for my loved one’s alcoholism?<br /> it is part of who she is -- her personality<br /> I am the person I am now<br /> (How) can I find gratitude for pain in my life.<br /> Colbert: “‘You have to learn to love the bomb.’ It took me a long time to really understand what that meant. It wasn’t ‘Laugh it off.’ No, it means what it says. You gotta learn to love when you’re failing… The embracing of that, the discomfort of failing in front of an audience, leads you to penetrate through the fear that blinds you. Fear is the mind killer.”<br /> “What punishments of God are not gifts? … So it would be ungrateful not to take everything with gratitude. It doesn’t mean you want it. I can hold both of those ideas in my head.”<br /> ”It’s our choice whether to hate something in our lives or to love every moment of them, even the parts that bring us pain. At every moment, we are volunteers.”<br /> http://www.gq.com/story/stephen-colbert-gq-cover-story<br /> What am I grateful for today.<br /> I have a home to live in and food to eat and energy to keep me comfortable.<br /> I have a family who loves me and who I love.<br /> My body-self is reasonably healthy, despite the minor aches and pains I complain of daily.<br /> The day is beautiful, crisp, clear with bright fall colors.<br /> I have a program that helps me to grow spiritually and to become more of the person I want to be.<br /> I am the sum of my live experiences. I would not be who I am without them.<br /> What are you grateful for today? Can you find gifts in your “punishments”? The Recovery Show full false 52:32 Leadership – Episode 128 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2015 05:29:27 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3268 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others. Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/leadership-episode-128/feed/ 2 What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? What makes you a leader? How do you divide leadership and management? Can you set clear boundaries between your and others’ responsibilities? Spencer and Akilah talk about Concepts 8, 9, and 10, which address these concerns and others.<br /> <br /> Concept 8: “The Board of Trustees delegates full authority for routine management of Al-Anon Headquarters to its executive committees.”<br /> <br /> How does this concept provide for consistent management of a largely voluntary, highly distributed, global organization?<br /> How do I delegate tasks in my personal life? In my work life?<br /> Once I delegate a task, am I willing to trust the results?<br /> How does this concept remind me to focus on my priorities and invest my efforts for the greatest results?<br /> How has fear of asking for help limited my ability to focus on priorities?<br /> Concept 9: “Good personal leadership at all service levels is a necessity. In the field of world service the Board of Trustees assumes the primary leadership.”<br /> <br /> What is “good personal leadership”?<br /> What is the distinction between leadership and management?<br /> What expectations do I have of a good leader?<br /> How have I served as a leader?<br /> What leadership qualities do I have? Which ones would I like to develop?<br /> How can putting the focus on myself help me to take on a positive leadership role with others?<br /> Am I hesitant to be a leader? Why or why not?<br /> What does it mean to have vision? How can I share my vision?<br /> Concept 10: “Service responsibility is balanced by carefully defined service authority and double-headed management is avoided.”<br /> <br /> Is service responsibility carefully defined in my Al-Anon group?<br /> … in my family?<br /> … at my job?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> How can I encourage balanced responsibility.<br /> What is double-headed management? Why do we want to avoid it?<br /> Am I involved in any double-headed management?<br /> Am I involved in situations where one person has the responsibility, while a different person has the authority?<br /> What kind of guidelines and definitions of a project would I find helpful before accepting a responsibility? The Recovery Show full false 1:32:57 Step 2 – Higher Power – Episode 127 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/#respond Mon, 12 Oct 2015 21:17:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3262   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. Upcoming...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/step-2-higher-power-episode-127/feed/ 0   Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Spencer is traveling, so here's a favorite episode from our back catalog. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about their experience with Step 2, "Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity." The episode is bracketed by a short intro and closing recorded in the northern Utah desert. The Recovery Show full false 1:00:34 Clearing a Path – A Lead – Episode 126 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/#respond Tue, 06 Oct 2015 02:24:11 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3258 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/10/clearing-a-path-a-lead-episode-126/feed/ 0 Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections. Have you felt that your life was out of control, and that you'd never find a way out? Today, June shares about clearing a path in the jungle of her life, and invites your reflections.<br /> <br /> What thoughts does June's lead inspire in you? How do you relate to this metaphor of clearing a path with the Al-Anon tools? Do you have a story of using the tools to turn an obstacle into a joy? If you were in a meeting that opened with this sharing, what would you say when it was your turn? Please share your experience, strength, and hope with us. Leave voice mail at 734-7070-8795, use the VoiceMail button on the website, or perhaps do what June did: record your share on your computer or smart phone and email it to feedback@therecoveryshow.com. In about a month, I will compile your responses into a new show. Please contribute your voice. The Recovery Show full false 20:38 Conferences and conventions – Episode 125 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/#respond Fri, 25 Sep 2015 05:30:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3253 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/conferences-and-conventions-episode-125/feed/ 0 Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery? Have you attended an Al-Anon or AA conference? Maybe you went to the AA International Convention this year. Or do you wonder what’s the big deal? What might you bring home from a gathering of people in recovery?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks with Annie and Alvin about their experience attending recovery conferences. Our discussion is guided by these questions.<br /> <br /> What prompted you to go to a conference the first time?<br /> <br /> What did you expect? The first time? The second time?<br /> <br /> Talk about your first convention experience.<br /> - What did you like?<br /> - What didn't you expect, but moved you?<br /> - What didn't you like?<br /> <br /> What did you come home with? How did your understanding and feeling about your experience change with time?<br /> <br /> You went to the AA international convention in Atlanta this year.<br /> What was that like?<br /> High points and low points?<br /> If you were to do it again, what would you do differently?<br /> <br /> How did attending these conventions benefit your recovery?<br /> <br /> What would you say to someone who has never been to a convention? The Recovery Show full false 1:13:48 Randy K Open Talk – Episode 124 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/#comments Tue, 08 Sep 2015 12:07:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3249 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his “addiction”, and related closely to it. Upcoming topics include Concepts 8 and 9, your shared experience with intervention, and the non-drinking parent. Please call us at...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/randy-k-open-talk-episode-124/feed/ 2 This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. This week we have an Al-Anon open talk by Randy K. I (Spencer) identified with a lot of his experience. I was particularly struck by his description of his "addiction", and related closely to it. The Recovery Show full false 48:53 Al-Anon Dreams – Episode 123 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/#respond Tue, 01 Sep 2015 04:58:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3240 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams. Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories: Reliving scenes...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/09/al-anon-dreams-episode-123/feed/ 0 Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Do you dream of relapse? Of recovery? Of loss of control? What are your Al-Anon dreams? Join us as Spencer, Jane, Akilah, Pat, and Brooke share some dreams.<br /> <br /> Dreams: what are they? From the shared experience in this episode, I think that our “Al-Anon” dreams might fall into these broad and overlapping categories:<br /> <br /> Reliving scenes from the past that still have a hold on us.<br /> Working through fears of the future.<br /> Living a “wished for” experience.<br /> Making desires and fears concrete.<br /> As you listen to these dream experiences, how do you connect to what we share? Have you had dreams like these? How has your dreaming changed in recovery? The Recovery Show full false 37:15 Imperfection – Episode 122 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/#respond Tue, 25 Aug 2015 12:22:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3233 Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/imperfection-episode-122/feed/ 0 Do you feel you have to be perfect? … go through life as if you're on a stage? Can you have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection. Do you feel that you have to be perfect? Do you go through life as if you're on a stage? Is it hard to have compassion and love for yourself? Let's talk about imperfection.<br /> <br /> This episode was inspired by the book, The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are, by Brené Brown. The gifts of imperfection, according to Brown, are courage, compassion, and connection. And with them, we can begin to live whole-heartedly.<br /> <br /> Think back to your first meeting. How did you find the courage to walk in? How do you now find the courage to openly speak of what is happening in your heart and soul? We practice courage every day, and with it we can begin to embrace our imperfection.<br /> <br /> I found compassion for myself as I worked the steps, and in particular as I worked the steps in the company of others. I was able to see my wholeness, to see that I was not uniquely flawed, and to start to accept myself as I was and to find compassion for myself as an imperfect person. And in finding compassion for myself, I could more easily "suffer with" (have compassion for) others. <br /> <br /> And the last is not least: connection was the first thing I found in Al-Anon. At the end of my first meeting, I was no longer alone in my struggle and fear and desperation. I found connection, soul-deep connection, with others who were walking my journey. This connection, more than anything, kept me coming back.<br /> <br /> What blocks us from living with a whole heart? Brown suggests 10 "guideposts", each described as a positive attribute, and also described in term of letting go. This resonates strongly with me, because the first slogan I adopted from Al-Anon was "Let Go". ("Let God" came later.) What are these guideposts?<br /> <br /> Authenticity (Letting go of what people think)<br /> <br /> Self-Compassion (Letting go of Perfectionism)<br /> <br /> Resilient Spirit (Letting go of numbing and powerlessness)<br /> <br /> Gratitude and Joy (Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark)<br /> <br /> Intuition and Faith (Letting go of the need for certainty)<br /> Creativity (Letting go of comparison)<br /> <br /> Play and Rest (Letting go of exhaustion=status and productivity=self-worth)<br /> <br /> Calm and Stillness (Letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle)<br /> <br /> Meaningful work (Letting go of self-doubt and “supposed to”)<br /> <br /> Laughter, Song and Dance (Letting go of being cool and in control) The Recovery Show full false 1:16:10 Laughter – Episode 121 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/#comments Tue, 11 Aug 2015 05:06:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3228 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program? When and how did you laugh as a child? How did that change as you grew older? How did that change...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/laughter-episode-121/feed/ 2 When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today? When you came to your first meeting, were people laughing? How did that make you feel? How do you use laughter in your recovery today?<br /> <br /> When (under what circumstances) did you laugh before program?<br /> When and how did you laugh as a child?<br /> How did that change as you grew older?<br /> How did that change as you were affected by alcoholism/addiction?<br /> Could you laugh at yourself then? … about your pain? … about your foibles and shortcomings?<br /> How did you feel when you first heard laughter in an Al-Anon meeting?<br /> How has recovery changed the way you laugh? Why you laugh?<br /> Can you laugh about your pain? … about your shortcomings?<br /> How do you see laughter as a healing force?<br /> What have you learned about laughter in recovery? The Recovery Show full false 1:23:37 Best of: Our first meetings https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/#respond Tue, 04 Aug 2015 02:58:14 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3215 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. For some of us, the first meeting was transformational and enlightening. Others of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/08/best-of-our-first-meetings/feed/ 0 What was your experience of your first Al-Anon meeting? Maybe you haven't been to one yet. Spencer, Kelli, Swetha and 7 other members talk about their first meeting or meetings. Hear how we came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. Spencer was out of the country at a wedding, and came back to an overtime week at work, thus this “best of” episode. We will be back soon with new episodes on laughter, on the gifts of imperfection, and on attending recovery conventions.

Music from the episode
(originally published June 2013)
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:27:40 Authority and Responsibility – Episode 120 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/#respond Wed, 22 Jul 2015 06:56:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3211 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/authority-and-responsibility-episode-120/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7 Do you have trouble letting go of responsibility? Do you take on too much? Or do you give responsibility to someone for something they can’t do? If you’ve ever felt that way, you may find help in Concepts 6 and 7. Concept 6 says “The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees.” And, Concept 7 states “The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional.”<br /> <br /> How can Concept 6 help me manage my time and accomplish the tasks I need to do?<br /> How can I effectively “share the load” with others? What does Concept 6 teach me about that?<br /> How do I do my work and allow others to do theirs without interfering or taking it on?<br /> Talk about a time when I was overwhelmed by trying to do everything myself?<br /> How can clear communication encourage others to help me accomplish a task?<br /> How does Concept 6 encourage me to seek the help of those who are qualified for a job?<br /> How can Concept 6 motivate me to ask for help when I am frustrated and overwhelmed?<br /> How do I determine the difference between legal and traditional rights in my personal life?<br /> How can clearly defining my responsibilities keep me from trying to “fix” the lives of others?<br /> How can Concept 7 help me clarify my role in difficult situations? (Examples?)<br /> How does understanding the rights and responsibilities of each person in a situation help me?<br /> How can I apply concept 7 as a parent when making or enforcing rules?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:25:04 Worry – Episode 119 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/#respond Tue, 14 Jul 2015 20:28:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3200 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today? Think about a time before program when you were worrying. What were you worrying about? How did worrying affect your life...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/worry-episode-119/feed/ 0 Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on stuff that is wrong in your life? Do you worry a lot? Is it hard to get your mind off the terrible things that might happen? Or maybe it’s just obsessing on the stuff that is wrong in your life today?<br /> <br /> Think about a time before program when you were worrying.<br /> What were you worrying about?<br /> How did worrying affect your life at the time? (Inability to get things done, acid stomach, lack of sleep, etc?)<br /> Did you get any resolution of your problem from your worrying?<br /> Think about a recent time when you could have worried?<br /> Did you worry?<br /> How was it different from the time before?<br /> How did you use program tools in this situation?<br /> Were you able to move out of worrying into some productive resolution?<br /> What is worry?<br /> How does it differ from preparation?<br /> Slogan: “Worry is not preparation”.<br /> But also: “Preparation is not worry.”<br /> Does “Let Go and Let God” mean we shouldn’t do anything?<br /> What slogans and steps help you when you find yourself worrying?<br /> What would you say to someone who can’t stop worrying about their loved one who still drinks or drugs?<br /> Upcoming topics include laughter, Al-Anon dreams, and Concepts 6 & 7. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 1:22:26 Life on Life’s Terms – Episode 118 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/#respond Tue, 07 Jul 2015 01:47:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3196 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments. Upcoming...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/07/life-on-lifes-terms-episode-118/feed/ 0 Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms? Sometimes life throws us a curve ball. How can we accept it and live life on life's terms?<br /> <br /> Due to some technical difficulties, the episode we had planned for this week did not come together. Instead, I'm talking about taking life on life's terms. Or maybe it's about acceptance. Or about Higher Power moments.<br /> <br /> Upcoming topics include Concepts 6 (The Conference acknowledges the primary administrative responsibility of the Trustees) and 7 (The Trustees have legal rights while the rights of the Conference are traditional). How might we interpret these in our personal lives? Cara suggested the topic of "Al-Anon dreams". Share your dreams of relapse or recovery with us, and we'll make it a poly-voice episode. Eric thought that "laughter in recovery" would be a great topic. So do I! What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. The Recovery Show full false 35:44 Fathers – Episode 117 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/#comments Wed, 24 Jun 2015 18:21:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3184 Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers? In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/fathers-episode-117/feed/ 5 What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? To improve connections with our fathers? Fathers Day is a holiday that recognizes fathers and honors fatherhood. What is or was your relationship with your father? Are you a father yourself? How can recovery help us to be better fathers? Or to improve connections with our fathers?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer reflects on how his father affected his life, and on how he has been a father to his own children, while walking through the woods and fields behind his church.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 48:10 Gather your chairs in a circle – Episode 116 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/#comments Tue, 16 Jun 2015 15:39:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3176 A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/06/gather-your-chairs-in-a-circle-episode-116/feed/ 2 A recent sermon advised us to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery? A couple of weeks ago, at church, we honored our graduating high school seniors. The sermon that day was in the form of advice to those setting out into adult life. What caught my ear was the second point, to “gather your chairs into a circle.” What does this mean, and how does it relate to recovery?<br /> <br /> We are in community when we “gather our chairs into a circle.”<br /> We sometimes “turn our chairs away” and isolate ourselves, especially when life is hard.<br /> I did this.<br /> At most of my meetings we sit in circles or around a table, facing each other.<br /> In our circle we are not alone.<br /> In our circles we discover shared experience and share strength and hope.<br /> So come into the circle, or find some others and gather your chairs into a new circle.<br /> I also talked a bit about stress and how it has affected me recently. I have been putting my very busy work ahead of "the rest" of my life. When I come home, I just want to "veg". I feel overwhelmed by all the things I have to do, and so I shut down and don't start any of them, because it's "hopeless" to think I could ever do them all. Which, of course, leads to guilt over not having done them. How am I working my way out? First and foremost, recognizing the problem. Admitting it, asking for help. "Doing the next right thing." Shedding some responsibilities, and deciding what is most important, and putting that first. The Recovery Show full false 1:18:38 Public outreach – Episode 115 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/#comments Thu, 28 May 2015 14:25:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3170 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon? Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline. How did you first get involved in public outreach? What have you...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/public-outreach-episode-115/feed/ 2 Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can public outreach help sufferers who don’t know about Al-Anon? Our 12th Step encourages us to “carry the message to others.” How have you done that? How can we reach out to sufferers who don’t even know about Al-Anon?
Spencer and Eric talk about our experiences with public outreach, roughly following this outline.

* How did you first get involved in public outreach?
* What have you or members of your group done as part of your public outreach?
* What resources are available to help you in doing outreach?
* Why do you believe that public outreach is important?
* How have you preserved your anonymity “at the level of press, radio, TV, and films”?
* How have you cooperated with other recovery groups and programs in your area to carry the message?
* Have you been involved in other forms of service? In your district? In your group(s)? Personally?
* How does service help to carry the message?
* How have all these forms of service supported and enhanced your recovery?

We mentioned many resources for outreach. Here are some of them:

* Statement about public outreach from Al-Anon/Alateen of South Ontario.
* Public outreach materials from the Al-Anon bookstore.
* Public outreach from Al-Anon of Wisconsin.
* Media files for outreach from Al-Anon.
* Al-Anon flyer about outreach.

Upcoming topics include worry, obsessive thinking, and caretaking. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music from the show
Jazon Mraz: 3 Things

Brandon Heath: Give Me Your Eyes

John Mayer: Shadow Days

]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:21:17 Participation, harmony, and being heard – Episode 114 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/#respond Sat, 23 May 2015 02:17:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3165 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.” How do...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/participation-harmony-and-being-heard-episode-114/feed/ 0 In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? In your interactions with others, how do you find harmony? Do you sometimes feel that you are not heard? How do Concepts 4 and 5 help? Concept 4 says “Participation is the key to harmony.” and concept 5 states “The rights of appeal and petition protect minorities and insure that they be heard.”<br /> <br /> How do you understand Concept 4, “Participation is the key to harmony”?<br /> What can I do to participate more fully?<br /> When I participate in a group, do I feel more a part of it?<br /> When I feel part of a group, is it easier for me to be in harmony with its workings?<br /> Do I participate actively in my Al-Anon group? In other groups in my life?<br /> How do my relationships benefit when I participate fully in all areas of my life?<br /> How do I let others participate?<br /> What if I disagree with a decision of the majority? Can I still be heard?<br /> In Al-Anon?<br /> In my workplace?<br /> In my family?<br /> With my friends?<br /> How willing am I to listen to Al-Anon? my family? at work?<br /> How do the “rights of appeal and petition” help me find my voice when I am in the minority?<br /> Why is it important that minority opinions be expressed and heard?<br /> How has learning that I have a right to speak up changed the way I feel about myself?<br /> When is it just as important to keep my opinion to myself as it is to share it?<br /> How can concept 5 help me change how I feel about people who disagree with me?<br /> What can I do when I react negatively to someone’s opinion?<br /> How can I use steps 1-3 and “Let Go and Let God” in conjunction with these two concepts? The Recovery Show full false 1:23:28 Fun – Episode 113 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/#respond Sat, 16 May 2015 17:46:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3158 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email. What does “fun” mean to you? How did you think about having fun before recovery? Could you...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/05/fun-episode-113/feed/ 0 How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery? How do you have fun? Do you have fun? Has your concept of fun changed in recovery?<br /> <br /> Join Spencer and Brooke as we talk about fun, and hear the contributions a couple of listeners sent in via email.<br /> <br /> What does “fun” mean to you?<br /> How did you think about having fun before recovery?<br /> Could you have fun by yourself or did it have to involve others?<br /> What have you learned about having fun in your recovery?<br /> What do you to for fun?<br /> Are you able to have fun even when life is not perfect? The Recovery Show full false 1:09:10 Do you drink? – Episode 112 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/#respond Thu, 23 Apr 2015 04:20:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3147 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/do-you-drink-episode-112/feed/ 0 Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why? Do you drink? Did you drink with your alcoholic loved one? How has recovery changed how you drink? How you think about drinking? Did you stop drinking? Why?<br /> <br /> Spencer talks about his personal experience with drinking, about how he drank with his loved one, and about how that changed with recovery and how his feelings about drinking have become complicated. The Recovery Show full false 43:43 Prayer – Episode 111 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/#comments Tue, 07 Apr 2015 03:52:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3143 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. I did not grow up with a tradition of prayer. My idea of prayer as a young person: “God, please give me a pony.” It didn’t work! I did not...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/prayer-episode-111/feed/ 1 Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery? In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. Do you pray? What is prayer? How can it support your recovery?<br /> <br /> In this episode, Spencer shares his personal journey to and understanding of prayer. The Recovery Show full false 54:43 Right of Decision – Episode 110 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/#respond Wed, 01 Apr 2015 05:27:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3140 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the “right of decision”, as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, “The right of decision makes effective leadership possible.” What is “the right of decision?” How do we use the right of decision in the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/04/right-of-decision-episode-110/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? We discuss the "right of decision" as seen in concept 3. Do you have trouble letting others make decisions? Do you second guess your own decisions? Spencer and Akilah discuss the "right of decision", as expressed in Al-Anon's 3rd concept of service, "The right of decision makes effective leadership possible."<br /> <br /> What is “the right of decision?”<br /> How do we use the right of decision in the program?<br /> Example from Spencer’s home group: the “chair” chooses the person who gives the lead each week.<br /> GR, delegates to assembly, etc.<br /> How do we use the right of decision in our own lives?<br /> From Paths to Recovery (pg. 265): “In our own lives, the right of decision means we have the right to proceed in the best way we know and to ask for help when it is needed.”<br /> How does this concept connect with Tradition 2? (For our group purpose there is but one authority—a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants—they do not govern.) With Step 3? (Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.)<br /> Can I make a decision and be comfortable with it? If not, why not?<br /> Do I ever ask someone to do a task and then try to direct the details of how it should be done? If so, how can I change this pattern?<br /> The 3rd concept section of the AA 12, 12 and 12 study guide starts with the statement “We serve by acting on our conscience through our “Right of Decision” and we trust others when they exercise their ‘Right of Decision.”<br /> Am I acting in any area of my life that is contrary to my own conscience?<br /> Am I mistrustful of the decisions of others in authority over me?<br /> Am I demanding that anyone else act contrary to their conscience in order to please me?<br /> From Paths to Recovery: Is [concept three] not letting go and letting God? The Recovery Show full false 1:26:02 Dry Drunk – Episode 109 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/#comments Wed, 18 Mar 2015 21:25:29 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3136 What is “dry drunk”? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast. We start with a talk from Dick S...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/dry-drunk-episode-109/feed/ 1 What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms? What is "dry drunk"? Can an Al-Anon exhibit similar symptoms?<br /> <br /> A few weeks ago, Jennifer suggested the topic of “dry drunk.” Then Ruth mentioned how she feels when she misses a few meetings. And then, I heard a talk about “dry drunk” on the Recovery Radio Network podcast.<br /> <br /> We start with a talk from Dick S titled “Recovery is Forever: Dry Drunk Revisited”.<br /> <br /> My experience with "dry Al-Anon":<br /> <br /> My realization from the Step 3 reading in “Paths to Recovery”.<br /> “As we grow in the program, we find ourselves returning again and again to these basic principles when faced with new challenges.”<br /> The moment of truth: A co-worker's talk with me on Friday about my behavior earlier in the week.<br /> Looking back:<br /> Feeling complacent.<br /> Missing meetings.<br /> “White knuckle”<br /> My solution?<br /> Re-establish routine of prayer and meditation.<br /> Recognize the importance of meetings<br /> Say “yes” to the program!<br /> The Recovery Show full false 58:37 Criticism and Self-Compassion – Episode 108 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/#respond Sun, 08 Mar 2015 21:40:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3131 Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion. Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions? Do I have...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/03/criticism-and-self-compassion-episode-108/feed/ 0 Do you have a voice inside that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself in that case? We explore criticism and self-compassion. Do you have a voice inside you that criticizes everything you do? Can you find compassion for yourself when your internal critic is harsher than what others say about you? Spencer and Brooke talk about criticism and self-compassion.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we considered were these. How might you answer these questions?<br /> <br /> Do I have an internal critic? (Don’t we all?)<br /> How loud is it?<br /> How harsh is it?<br /> How do I react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to criticism from others?<br /> How does my internal critic react to praise from others?<br /> Do I find it easier to have compassion for others than for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to find compassion for myself?<br /> How do I struggle to see myself as worthy?<br /> How can seeing myself as worthy, and having compassion for my failings, help me to deal with criticism from others?<br /> What program tools can I use to make it easier to find self-compassion and self-worth?<br /> Steps 2 & 3 remind me that I have a higher power that loves me.<br /> Steps 4 and 5 encourage me to look at myself honestly and fearlessly. By sharing my faults with my Higher Power and another person, I find that I am not defined by my “defects”<br /> Steps 6, 7, 8, and 9 show me that there is a way to change and to let go of my self-criticism for past actions.<br /> Step 10 helps me to not have new things to kick myself about.<br /> Step 11 encourages me to connect more closely to my Higher Power. Meditation can help me to live in the moment instead of the past.<br /> What slogans help me?<br /> How does listening (and sharing) in meetings, or with a sponsor or program friend help?<br /> What might I say to a newcomer who is strugging with self-criticism? The Recovery Show full false 1:04:43 Chaos – Encore – Episode 107 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/#respond Wed, 25 Feb 2015 20:57:15 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3125 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Our topic for next week is criticism and self-compassion. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/chaos-encore-episode-107/feed/ 0 Due to first my co-host and then me being under the weather, we present this encore of the Chaos episode. Enjoy! Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> What do we mean by “chaos”?<br /> How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?<br /> What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?<br /> Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?<br /> Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?<br /> What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?<br /> How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?<br /> Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?<br /> Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?<br /> Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays? The Recovery Show full false 1:48:42 In the Moment – Episode 106 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2015 03:16:41 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3118 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back? How did/do I live not in the moment? Anger and resentment – Living in the past. Chewing over past actions...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/moment-episode-106/feed/ 1 What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from the past without looking back? What does it mean to live “in the moment?” How can I plan for tomorrow when I’m living “one day at a time”? How do I learn from past experiences if I don’t look back?<br /> <br /> How did/do I live not in the moment?<br /> Anger and resentment – Living in the past.<br /> Chewing over past actions – blaming (myself or others)<br /> Fear and worry – Living in the future.<br /> “Awfulizing”<br /> What are aspects of living in the moment?<br /> Take care of the things I can do now, let go of the things I cannot do.<br /> Do the “next right thing”.<br /> Be fully present in what is happening.<br /> Listen<br /> Notice the beauty around me<br /> Enjoy what is good now (instead of ruminating on what was bad or worrying about what might be bad)<br /> How can I practice living in the moment?<br /> Cultivate an attitude of gratitude.<br /> Focus on what is happening now.<br /> Focus on the people I am with.<br /> Listen – don’t be thinking about my agenda<br /> Mindfulness meditation (or other meditative practice)<br /> Body language – when my body is in an accepting, listening position, so is my mind.<br /> Positive expectations – How they can shape interactions and actions. (“Batman” episode of This American Life and Invisibilia)<br /> What about planning for the future and learning from the past?<br /> There’s a difference between worrying about what might happen, and planning for what we would like to do.<br /> We can and should look at our past in our inventory. We only need to let go of the desire to change it. The Recovery Show full false 1:19:37 Letting go of the process – Episode 105 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/#respond Tue, 10 Feb 2015 05:01:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3108 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic? How do/did you try to...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/letting-go-process-episode-105/feed/ 0 Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process. Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when ... Do you want to do recovery “your way”? Are you skipping steps because you don’t like them? Can you let go of control? Spencer and Harriet talk about letting go of the process.<br /> <br /> Harriet, can you explain what you meant by “letting go of the process” when you suggested this topic?<br /> How do/did you try to control your recovery?<br /> obsessively doing the things we *can* do<br /> overdoing self-care<br /> What parts of it do/did you particularly not want to let go of?<br /> “character defects” -- I want them removed in my order<br /> outcomes<br /> comfort in maintaining the illusion of control over my own life<br /> Why?<br /> How does letting go help your recovery? Your peace of mind?<br /> focusing on control of outcomes is a “fool’s errand” and makes my life unmanageable<br /> It frees me to focus on the things I can control<br /> Frees me to do self-care<br /> What blocks you from letting go?<br /> impatience<br /> perfectionism<br /> Not wanting to feel unpleasant feelings<br /> judgement and shame<br /> fear<br /> expectations<br /> What ways have you found to let go?<br /> Prerequisite - Accept who and where I am right now.<br /> Being open to the universe -- humility<br /> Work with a sponsor<br /> Prayer<br /> Meditation<br /> what else?<br /> What do you still struggle with letting go of?<br /> What would you say to a newcomer who isn’t sure the program will work for them? The Recovery Show full false 1:26:42 Relapse – a “best of” episode https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/#respond Wed, 04 Feb 2015 02:46:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3089 While Spencer is away, enjoy this “best of” episode from a year ago. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/02/relapse-best-episode/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Enjoy this "best of" episode from a year ago.<br /> <br /> Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show full false 1:25:36 Judgement – Episode 104 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/#comments Tue, 27 Jan 2015 05:41:46 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3084 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement. We used this outline for our conversation: What does “judgement” mean to you?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/judgement-episode-104/feed/ 2 How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, How does having judgement differ from being judgemental? Can judgement be both a character asset and a character defect? How do you judge others? How do you think others judge you? How do you judge yourself? Today, Spencer and Anthony talk about judgement.<br /> <br /> We used this outline for our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “judgement” mean to you?<br /> How does it differ from being “judgemental”?<br /> A reading in Courage to Change speaks of a “judgement ladder”, where everyone is either above or below someone else. Have you felt like you are on this ladder?<br /> How do you judge others?<br /> How do you feel judged?<br /> How do you judge yourself? Are you harsher on yourself than others?<br /> How can judgement be a positive attribute?<br /> How has the program helped you to be less judgemental of others and yourself? To practice “good judgement”?<br /> Are there slogans that help?<br /> Any particular steps? The Recovery Show full false 1:36:49 Boundaries – Episode 103 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/#comments Wed, 21 Jan 2015 03:37:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3080 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries. Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions: Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/boundaries-episode-103/feed/ 2 Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from loved ones? We discuss boundaries. Have you ever set an ultimatum? What did you do when it wasn’t honored? How do you deal with unacceptable behavior from your loved ones? Spencer and Maria talk about boundaries.<br /> <br /> Last week, we read an email from a listener who asked these questions:<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated?<br /> So we thought, “maybe it’s time to talk about boundaries again.” We actually had a couple of earlier shows around this topic. Our very first episode was a 20 minute discussion of boundaries, and then in episode 44, we talked about setting boundaries without controlling.<br /> <br /> Some discussion/thought questions about boundaries:<br /> <br /> What is a boundary?<br /> How does it differ from an ultimatum?<br /> How can I set a boundary that involves someone else’s behavior?<br /> What can I do when my boundaries are not respected?<br /> How do I feel when my boundaries are not respected by someone I love?<br /> How can loving detachment help me to maintain my boundaries?<br /> What if I don’t want to follow through with the consequences of my boundary having been violated?<br /> What happens (to me) if my boundaries turn out to be expectations?<br /> How does a boundary with my own behavior differ from a boundary with someone else’s behavior?<br /> How can I set up and follow through with consequences on a boundary with myself? The Recovery Show full false 1:37:03 Responsibility and Authority – Episode 102 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/#comments Tue, 13 Jan 2015 04:49:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3076 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two. The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/responsibility-authority-episode-102/feed/ 1 Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God? Do you take responsibility for your own actions? Do you take on responsibility for the way others live their lives? Do you sometimes try to play God?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about responsibility and authority, as set forth in Concepts one and two.<br /> <br /> The Ultimate Responsibility and Authority for Al-Anon World Services Belongs to the Al-Anon Groups.<br /> The Al-Anon Family Groups Have Delegated Complete Administrative and Operational Authority to their Conference and its Service Arms.<br /> The readings in the books Paths to Recovery and Reaching for Personal Freedom include some writings on personal application as well as explanations of how it works on the service level.<br /> <br /> What do “authority” and “responsibility” mean (to me)? What is the difference?<br /> Authority: “the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.”<br /> Responsibility: “the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something” or “taking ownership of my thoughts, words, and actions.”<br /> For concept one<br /> <br /> For what part of my life am I ultimately responsible? What responsibilities might I share or delegate?<br /> How do I contribute to the group conscience?<br /> How does this concept help me to keep the focus on myself?<br /> How can I learn to trust the decisions of others?<br /> When have I assumed responsibilities that are not mine?<br /> When have let others take on responsibilities that should have been mine?<br /> Can this concept help to me to “Let go and let God”, knowing that I am not the ultimate authority?<br /> For concept two, the questions are:<br /> <br /> Why is it important to delegate both responsibility and authority in general? In Al-Anon?<br /> Am I able to share responsibility? What responsibility? Am I willing to offer my assistance to others?<br /> When do I rely on others? Can I ask for help?<br /> What responsibilities in my life could I delegate to someone else?<br /> Whom can I trust to be reliable?<br /> How does delegating responsibility help to trust the abilities of others?<br /> How willing am I to work with others and to consider their ideas? How often do I trust the knowledge an experience of another person? Do I support and encourage others?<br /> When delegating how do I define boundaries to separate my responsibility from someone else’s<br /> How does my attempt to take charge of everything without delegating keep me from completing the work that needs to be done?<br /> For what am I responsible?<br /> A listener emailed some questions. Listen to the show to hear the whole email. We put the questions to you, in hopes that you will share your experience, strength, and hope with our listener.<br /> <br /> Do any of you out there have any personal experiences setting ultimatums with your addicts that were not respected, acknowledged or met with insult?<br /> How have you handled the negativity from your addict, and the anxiety and heartbreak of not knowing if the relationship will ever be restored?<br /> What has it looked like for you to practice loving detachment with an intimate partner through a separation or divorce?<br /> What is the next right thing to do once a boundary has been communicated? The Recovery Show full false 1:18:46 Looking Back, Looking Ahead – Episode 101 https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/#respond Tue, 06 Jan 2015 23:21:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3070 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of “looking back,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2015/01/looking-back-looking-ahead-episode-101/feed/ 0 Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead? This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Have you made New Year resolutions? How has that worked for you in the past? Is there a way to use our program tools instead?<br /> <br /> This is the time of year when we look back at the year gone by and forward at the year to come. Spencer talks about his process of "looking back, looking ahead" at this beginning of the new year and end of the old.<br /> <br /> How do I do this?<br /> I can ask myself, how are my actions in alignment with my values?<br /> There is discomfort in the gap that spurs me to want to change<br /> The program gives me tools for this: Steps 4–7.<br /> What are my values? When I state my values as aspirations of the way I want to act, I can more clearly see the alignment (or not) of my actions with them.<br /> Integrity: I act in all things according to my true self. I state my beliefs honestly and openly.<br /> Commitment: I do not make commitments I cannot keep, and I keep the commitments I make.<br /> Acceptance: When I disagree with someone, I may argue my position, but I will not diminish their personhood.<br /> Love: I express my love openly and appropriately.<br /> How have my actions this year aligned, or not, with my values?<br /> Acceptance is hard. I react emotionally to some people, and let those reactions color my interactions. On the plus side: I am more aware of this when it happens, and more likely to modify my response.<br /> I can “go along” with something I don’t agree with, because it is too uncomfortable to disagree. This happens less often than it used to.<br /> I can express my desires and needs when they are important to me.<br /> I sometimes overcommit and under-deliver.<br /> I find it difficult at times to express my true feelings to my wife.<br /> I have openly stated and explained my spiritual beliefs and practices, even when I don’t know they will be accepted by those to whom I am speaking.<br /> What can I let go of, that is no longer of use to me?<br /> What holds me back?<br /> Stuff! Clothes I haven’t worn in a decade.<br /> What do I want to bring into my life (more) in the coming year?<br /> Self-care: physical and spiritual (I do OK on the mental front)<br /> Family: I will spend more “quality” time with my family<br /> Money: I will work to be more attentive to our financial status. The Recovery Show full false 55:24 Guest Host Experiences – Episode 100 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/#respond Tue, 30 Dec 2014 03:58:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3056 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode. Why did you decide to participate as a guest on...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/guest-host-experiences-episode-100/feed/ 0 What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast. What is it like to be a guest host on The Recovery Show? Join us as we hear Mark, Ruth, Mara, Harriet, and Akilah talk about their experience co-hosting the podcast.<br /> <br /> I asked my guests today to reflect on these questions as we reach our 100th episode.<br /> <br /> Why did you decide to participate as a guest on The Recovery Show?<br /> How did you feel beforehand? How did you feel afterward? How do you feel now about your participation?<br /> Did you listen to "your" episode? If you did, what was that experience like? If not, why not?<br /> How has participating in the show strengthened (or not) your Al-Anon program?<br /> What would you like to say to our listeners about your experience?<br /> Mark, who hosts the Recovered podcast, remembers being a guest on the show, and the ease of not having to "run" the show.<br /> <br /> Ruth reflects on co-hosting the 12 Tradition episodes, why she committed to them, and what it has meant to her.<br /> <br /> Mara talks about the importance of service in her recovery, particularly when she is not at home. She also sings Happy Birthday to us (in tune!)<br /> <br /> Harriet was terrified at the idea, but still committed to co-host an episode about isolation, which she had identified as a problem in her life. Hear how she feels now about her participation.<br /> <br /> Akilah admittedly likes to talk. She enjoyed co-hosting an episode and encourages you to do the same. The Recovery Show full false 1:03:17 2 Years – Episode 99 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/#respond Tue, 16 Dec 2014 07:10:36 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3047 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on?  It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/2-years-episode-99/feed/ 0 If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week! If you’re new, do you wonder why members have been coming for years? Doesn’t there come a time when we’ve learned it all? What do we gain from keeping on keeping on? It amazes me that The Recovery Show is 2 years old this week!<br /> <br /> Spencer thinks back over the last 2 years, about the journey, about what this podcast has meant for him, and maybe for you. Here's a rough outline.<br /> <br /> How and why did we come to start the podcast?<br /> Early experiences podcasting.<br /> Guest hosts.<br /> Including your voices.<br /> Losing my co-hosts.<br /> Focusing on the podcast<br /> Providing value.<br /> Your feedback and support.<br /> Challenges.<br /> “electronic” co-hosts.<br /> Value to my program.<br /> Next week will be episode 100. We've invited some past co-hosts to reflect on their experience participating in The Recovery Show. The Recovery Show full false 1:00:00 Tradition 12 – Anonymity – Episode 98 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/#respond Tue, 09 Dec 2014 05:08:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3041 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities. Ruth and...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/tradition-12-anonymity-episode-98/feed/ 0 Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols”? We talk about Tradition 12 on anonymity. Do you wonder how much to reveal about your situation? Are you afraid someone will “out” you? Do you have “idols” in the program? We’ll address these questions and more as we talk about Tradition 12, Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our Traditions, ever reminding us to place principles above personalities.<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer had these questions around which we structured our conversation.<br /> <br /> Ruth started by asking, "Spencer you said this is your favorite tradition. Would like to tell us why?"<br /> <br /> How do you understand the principle of anonymity?<br /> How do you practice this principle?<br /> Inside the “rooms” of Al-Anon?<br /> In the wider world?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone outside the meeting?<br /> How can I protect anonymity when I meet someone in the meeting who I already know outside the meeting?<br /> How do we practice anonymity in the podcast?<br /> How does anonymity change the way I feel about myself?<br /> How can I practice anonymity without being “invisible”?<br /> How can I share my experience, strength, and hope without telling others what to do?<br /> Do I put people on a pedestal? Why? What happens?<br /> How does focusing on personalities hinder my growth?<br /> How is it different when instead, I listen to everybody, even the people I don't "like"? The Recovery Show full false 1:25:57 Gratitude 2014 – Episode 97 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/#respond Tue, 02 Dec 2014 05:33:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3038 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an “attitude of gratitude”? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude. We used these questions to guide our discussion. What does “gratitude” mean to you? Do you see gratitude differently now than before...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/12/gratitude-2014-episode-97/feed/ 0 Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Can you be grateful for painful events? How do you cultivate an "attitude of gratitude"? Can gratitude help you sleep better? Join Spencer and Wendy as we talk about our experience with gratitude.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> What does “gratitude” mean to you?<br /> Do you see gratitude differently now than before you came to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you practice an “attitude of gratitude”?<br /> How has this changed your life?<br /> Have you found gratitude for painful occurrences in your life? How or why?<br /> What are you grateful for today?<br /> We also found a couple of interesting articles about gratitude. Powerful Lessons in Gratitude starts "As I write this, I am coming to terms with the death of a good friend of mine who was killed in a tragic accident over the weekend. … However, I realize that even in death we have the opportunity to celebrate the beauty of life." Both of us have found gratitude in the middle of pain and loss, and that gratitude has helped us to live our lives with greater serenity and even joy.<br /> <br /> Another interesting article is 8 reasons to love gratitude, which has this list of benefits. The benefits are backed up by scientific study, believe it or not.<br /> <br /> It can make you happier.<br /> It can reduce blood pressure.<br /> It makes hearts healthier.<br /> It's associated with better sleep.<br /> It helps people exercise more.<br /> It helps make vets more resilient.<br /> It can help your relationship.<br /> Even a little bit helps.<br /> Spencer was happy to hear that he doesn't have to practice gratitude every day in order to gain its benefits! The Recovery Show full false 1:00:21 Isolation – Episode 96 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/#comments Tue, 25 Nov 2014 07:09:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3028 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us. Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions. What is isolation? Closing...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/isolation-episode-96/feed/ 1 Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? We talk about isolation. Do you revert to isolating in times of increased stress and difficulty? Do you find it harder to work your program at these times? Today we will talk about what isolation has meant to us.<br /> <br /> Spencer and guest host Harriet discuss this topic, suggested by Harriet, following this outline and questions.<br /> <br /> What is isolation?<br /> Closing myself off from the outside world<br /> Looking outward to fix an inward problem<br /> Rejecting reality<br /> What did isolation look like a year ago, now, etc.<br /> Can take many forms, and could look like:<br /> Pretending (hiding)<br /> Self criticism (finding evidence that fits my conjecture that I'm broken and alone)<br /> feeding an obsession<br /> Compulsive show watching (often a familiar show I've already watched, maybe b/c I need to have some certainty)<br /> Compulsive podcast listening (not to broaden my perspective but to drown out my thoughts or emotions)<br /> Avoiding connection with friends or Al-anon members (Anything that takes me further into my closed system)<br /> Food<br /> Being compulsively busy<br /> Why do I isolate?<br /> Shame (I hide my worst parts)<br /> Disconnect between mind body and spirit. I look outside myself to find the answer<br /> I'm having a feeling I'd rather not be having and am afraid to look at myself<br /> I believe my own conjecture<br /> What helps?<br /> Accepting where I am and my current reality<br /> Trying one thing different to break my cycle<br /> I need to make peace within myself before I can genuinely connect with others. I think I need to share w others, but until I've reconciled within myself, I can be isolating right in the middle of a conversation<br /> Writing— before I'm too far gone<br /> Step 5 — a member or friend who I can share with (to acknowledge where I am)<br /> A meeting<br /> Meditation - breathing exercise<br /> connection with a pet<br /> Prayer<br /> Brene Brown's TED talks<br /> This podcast- suffering is optional, 3 A's, self-care<br /> Inventory—why am I isolating?<br /> Service<br /> Self-care and self compassion The Recovery Show full false 1:25:01 Tradition 11 – Episode 95 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/#respond Tue, 18 Nov 2014 04:08:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3010 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/tradition-11-episode-95/feed/ 0 Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something you know should do? How is that about Tradition 11? Do you switch the tv-channel when the commercial kicks in? Are you tired of being reminded of something which you know would be good for you but you just don't want to, and now giving in would just feel odd? Do you wonder why some annoying people always have to emphasize where and how they get their stuff? But are you curious why that person, despite all the obvious problems in their life, has a smile on their face? And how do we practice anonymity in our podcast?<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 11, “Our public relations policy is based on attraction rather than promotion; we need always maintain personal anonymity at the level of press, radio, films, and TV. We need guard with special care the anonymity of all AA members.” We used these questions to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> - There is a lot in this this tradition and I would like to start with the last sentence: the anonymity of the alcoholic. Why it is important, for them for us. How was it when we were new, or even before before we learned about the concept if the desease.<br /> <br /> If we break our anonymity we may break the one of our relatives too.<br /> How can we share our story without breaking the anonymity?<br /> Various aspects of anonymity: our background, education, finance, status ... not just names.<br /> As important as it is to experience people who have what you want to have, it is important not to connect people with program (principles over personalities).<br /> What can we do, what do you do to let people know about AlAnon?<br /> I asked on twitter: how would you translate the 11th tradition into your personal life and I get a very good response from "the bubble hour": "attraction not promotion means we can stand on our integrity in all things, without controlling outcomes or people."<br /> <br /> How do we practice Tradition 11 in this podcast?<br /> We share only our own experience, strength, and hope.<br /> We do not use our full names, and some of us use pseudonyms.<br /> We don’t try to “sell” Al-Anon.<br /> We often use phrases such as “loved one” when we mention the alcoholic(s) and/or addict(s) in our life.<br /> A Slogan for Tradition 11: “Take what you like and leave the rest”<br /> <br /> How do we practice this tradition in our life?<br /> <br /> Being an example.<br /> Act as we expect to be treated (“Golden rule”) The Recovery Show full false 1:17:16 Spiritual Practice – Episode 94 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/#respond Thu, 13 Nov 2014 06:11:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=3002 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”   Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email. What is a spiritual practice? What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices? Connection with...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/spiritual-practice-episode-94/feed/ 0 How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?” How do you feed your spirit? Do you struggle with prayer and meditation? What does it mean to be “spiritual?”<br /> <br /> Spencer shares his thoughts about spiritual practices, and invites you to share your own spiritual practices by voice mail or email.<br /> <br /> What is a spiritual practice?<br /> What is the purpose/goal of spiritual practices?<br /> Connection with the divine, something greater than myself.<br /> Centering.<br /> Feeds my spirit/soul.<br /> What practices are suggested in the 12 steps?<br /> What is prayer?<br /> What is meditation?<br /> What are some (other) examples of spiritual practices?<br /> Sitting/walking in nature.<br /> Attitude of gratitude<br /> Deep breath<br /> Dance<br /> Song<br /> Journaling The Recovery Show full false 1:07:49 Not God – Episode 93 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/#respond Mon, 03 Nov 2014 19:17:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2989 Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God. Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/11/not-god-episode-93/feed/ 0 Do you feel responsible for the whole world? Would others be happier if they would do things your way? In our recovery, we recognize that we are not God.



Do you sometimes feel responsible for the whole world? Would other people be happy if they would do things your way? An critical part of our recovery is that we recognize that we are not God.



Spencer talks about ways in which he has tried to “play God” in the past, about how those increased the unmanageability of his life, and about how the realization that he is not God has simplified his life and provided serenity. He worked from the outline below, illustrating the points with stories from his life.



* What do I mean when I say I am not God?* I can’t control or change other people* Things outside my “hula hoop” are not my responsibility* I don’t know what is best for others* I don’t always know what is best for me* Why would I think I am?* How did my actions suggest I thought so?* When do i struggle with wanting to play God?* How is it a relief when I remember that I am nobody's higher power?



Upcoming topics include Tradition 11 and “Is it caretaking or healthy support?” Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.







Music from the show



Neil Young – Change Your Mind



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=45qX1VYONds 



Adele – Make You Feel My Love



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0put0_a–Ng 



Terence Trent D'Arby – Holding on to You





 



The music I played in the pauses is Early Bird by Hania Yiska. You can find more of his work, including our opening music, Teleportationism, at Bandcamp.


[bandcamp width=100% height=120 album=1092572225 size=large bgcol=ffffff linkcol=0687f5 tracklist=false artwork=small track=2287220984]



Some episodes about living with addiction



In response to a listener email, we compiled a list of episodes that have guests who share their experience, strength, and hope about living with active addiction or alcoholism.



Episode 70: Living with alcoholism or addictionEpisode 65: HopeEpisode 54: Family of our DreamsEpisode 52: My StoryEpisode 78: Stay or Go?Episodes 58 and 59: Relapse and Michelle's storyEpisode 22: Parents roundtable
]]> The Recovery Show full false 48:19 Triggers – Episode 92 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/#respond Tue, 21 Oct 2014 06:04:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2980 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/triggers-episode-92/feed/ 0 Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us? Spencer and Akilah talk about triggers. Do words and events throw you into your past? Do you get angry when it's inappropriate? What are triggers and how do they affect us?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Akilah talk about our experience of triggers and how the 12 steps have lessened their impact on our lives. We had a few basic questions to guide our conversation:<br /> <br /> What does “trigger” mean to you?<br /> What triggers have you recognized in yourself?<br /> How do you react to these triggers?<br /> How has the program helped you to reduce or eliminate your triggers?<br /> Taking an inventory?<br /> Finding acceptance?<br /> Making amends?<br /> Trusting in my Higher Power?<br /> Harriet and Julia also shared some of their experience with being triggered by voice mail and email.<br /> <br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:30:36 Trust – Episode 91 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/#respond Tue, 14 Oct 2014 01:44:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2973 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. We used these questions to guide our discussion: When do I have trouble trusting? How do I know I can trust someone? Do I have a Higher Power I can trust? Can I trust myself? Can others trust me? What...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/trust-episode-91/feed/ 0 Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust. Are you afraid to trust others? Do you hesitate to share personal details? Are you trustworthy? Mara and Spencer talk about Trust.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> When do I have trouble trusting?<br /> How do I know I can trust someone?<br /> Do I have a Higher Power I can trust?<br /> Can I trust myself?<br /> Can others trust me?<br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> In what ways am I trustworthy both to myself and to others?<br /> In what ways have I been untrustworthy in some of my activities?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inspire trust?<br /> What behaviors do I have that inhibit trust?<br /> What important things do I trust to my Higher Power?<br /> What am I reluctant to give over to my Higher Power at this time?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:31:20 Tradition 10 – Episode 90 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/#respond Tue, 07 Oct 2014 06:25:00 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2966 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/10/tradition-10-episode-90/feed/ 0 Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, Has someone brought their different political or social opinions into a meeting? How did that feel for you? Or even outside of meetings, can an opinion of another person disturb you? Today, we talk about Tradition 10, which says “The Al-Anon Family Groups have no opinion on outside issues; hence our name ought never be drawn into public controversy.”<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talk about Tradition 10, about how they see it work in their meetings, and how they can use it in their personal lives. We had some questions to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> Can you recall a situation in a meeting were this happened, where someone brought outside issues into the meeting?<br /> <br /> How did you, how did the group dealt with it?<br /> <br /> Is there a Al Anon position on outside topics?<br /> <br /> How do you feel when someone isn't sharing your opinion on something?<br /> <br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> <br /> How can you apply tradition 10 to your personal life<br /> <br /> Questions from Reaching for Personal Freedom workbook:<br /> <br /> How does tradition 10 remind me to keep the focus on myself instead of others?<br /> How do I connect tradition 10 to detachment?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to respond in a loving way when others say insulting or hurtful things to me?<br /> How can tradition 10 help me to not just keep my opinions to myself, but to let them go from my mind?<br /> When has practicing the spiritual principle of Tradition 10 helped me to love family members and friends without getting involved in their personal situation and decisions?<br /> In what ways can Tradition 10 help me when my family members are going through difficult or sad situations? The Recovery Show full false 1:26:22 Taking Care of Myself – Episode 89 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/#comments Mon, 29 Sep 2014 03:49:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2961 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/taking-care-episode-89/feed/ 1 When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself. When you get sick, do you try to just “keep on going”? When you are overcommitted, do you try to “do it all”? What happens when you do that? Today, I want to talk briefly about taking care of myself.<br /> <br /> In Al-Anon, we are told that we need to take care of ourselves first. What does this really mean? How does it change the way we live our lives? This week, I had an opportunity to practice self-care, because I caught a cold. I am pretty sure that this cold was my body's way of telling me that I needed to slow down a little, that I was trying to do too much in my life, and that my health was being affected by that. I took a couple days off work, although I worked some from home. The big difference was that when I needed to lie down or take a nap, I could. I was also not inflicting my sniffling and coughing, not to mention germs, on my co-workers. Because of the cold, and because of a commitment I had made for the weekend, I was not able to plan for the podcast episode that I had wanted to create this weekend. Instead, I am reflecting on how self-care has been a part of my life this week, and how I had to change my plans to take care of myself. The Recovery Show full false 16:26 Intimacy – Episode 88 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/#respond Tue, 23 Sep 2014 04:50:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2953 Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy. We used these questions to inform our conversation. What is intimacy? Vocabulary.com says this:...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/intimacy-episode-88/feed/ 0 Is it hard to share intimately with another person? Are there people you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy? Spencer and Mara discuss intimacy. Have you lost the ability to share intimately with another person? Have you found people in the program that you can trust with your secrets? What are your barriers to intimacy with your loved ones? Mara and Spencer talk about Intimacy.<br /> <br /> We used these questions to inform our conversation.<br /> <br /> What is intimacy?<br /> Vocabulary.com says this: Intimacy is closeness with another person, like the intimacy that develops between friends as you tell one another your life's story and all your secrets and dreams for the future.<br /> Do I have any intimate relationships in my life today? Have I had any in the past?<br /> How do I deflect or avoid intimacy?<br /> What keeps me from being intimate with my loved ones? My friends? My family?<br /> How have I learned to be intimate in Al-Anon?<br /> “Safe place”<br /> to be vulnerable<br /> sharing by others<br /> sharing with others<br /> How have I developed an intimate relationship with my sponsor?<br /> How am I deepening the friendships and loving relationships in my life? What might help me do so?<br /> Questions from Blueprint for Progress:<br /> <br /> How do I define intimacy?<br /> What actions encourage intimacy and which ones don’t?<br /> Which of my actions are helpful in bringing me closer to another person?<br /> With whom was I intimate when I was growing up?<br /> How have I shared important information with someone I didn’t trust?<br /> Where do I get examples of positive, intimate relationships?<br /> In what ways have I been intellectually or spiritually intimate with the alcoholic?<br /> What activities help me show how much certain people mean to me?<br /> What kind of examples do my actions convey about the importance of close relationships?<br /> For me, intimacy is tied in with trust and fear. Here are some questions from those sections of the Blueprint:<br /> <br /> What is my history of trusting myself?<br /> How do I determine if someone is trustworthy?<br /> How do I determine if someone has lost my trust?<br /> How do I react when frightened?<br /> What provokes my fears?<br /> How do my fears affect the way I make decisions?<br /> How do my fears of the alcoholic affect the way I interact with him/her?<br /> How do I include my Higher Power when I feel afraid and what is the result? The Recovery Show full false 1:19:46 Unmanageability – Episode 87 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/#comments Tue, 16 Sep 2014 17:29:52 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2943 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/unmanageability-episode-87/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live. Do you find yourself running in circles? Do you obsess over things you can’t change? Do you lie awake worrying? Spencer and Ruth talk about what it’s like when our lives are unmanageable, and how we have found a better way to live.<br /> <br /> We started with the outline below, but actually ended up structuring our conversation around some of these questions from the book From Survival to Recovery.<br /> <br /> When difficulties occur, do you need someone to blame, even it is yourself?<br /> Do you feel uncomfortabe or draw a blank when asked whar it is you really want?<br /> Does a dark cloud of despair or a creeping depression sometimes seem to apeer from nowhere to weigh you down?<br /> Do you feel guilty or selfish whenever you say "no"?<br /> Are you lonley and isolated? Do you feel like an outsider in the midst of a crowed?<br /> Can you identify only one or two extreme feelings, such as anger or fear?<br /> Do you think in all-or-nothing terms? Is life either wonderful or miserable, with litte in between?<br /> Are you numb or flat, with no extremes in you feelings whatsover?<br /> Does your memory fog out or have giant holes where you remember nothing?<br /> Do you feel suicidal or have a need to hurt yourself or others?<br /> Do you tolerate unacceptable behavior even after you have said you wont?<br /> Do you have difficulty relaxing and having fun. Would you not regonize fun, even if it was right on front of your nose?<br /> Are you frequently impatient with yourself or others?<br /> Do you think you are the only person in the world you can depend on?<br /> Do you feel compelled to do things for other people they could do for themselfs?<br /> Do you do things you don't want to do, rather than risking disappointing people?<br /> Do you have difficulty trusting your won perception? Do you need to prove you are right and others are wrong in order to convince yourself?<br /> Do you feel embarresed or ashamed because of someone else's behaviour?<br /> Do you startle easily?<br /> Do you think the best way to take care of your needs is not to have any?<br /> The original outline:<br /> <br /> How did you feel/react when you heard that your life was unmanageable?<br /> In what ways has your life been unmanageable?<br /> Trying to change things.<br /> Trying to control outcomes<br /> Trying to change somebody else<br /> Worrying<br /> Obsessing<br /> Not taking care of my own “stuff” because I’m in someone else’s.<br /> Priorities out of order<br /> What are symptoms of unmanageability?<br /> Anger<br /> Not eating<br /> Not sleeping<br /> Over-working<br /> Paralyzed inside<br /> Depression<br /> Isolation<br /> Physically sick<br /> How do I deal with these things differently today?<br /> Recognize when something is outside my control and “put it down.”<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help -- talk to a “program friend” or sponsor.<br /> Go to a meeting.<br /> Do what I can now, then let go of worry and obsession.<br /> Take care of myself -- remember to eat and sleep.<br /> Inventory -- what is my part, what is not?<br /> Understand my options<br /> Recognize that I have choices.<br /> Don’t pick up the rope.<br /> Gratitude<br /> Slogans that help<br /> First things first.<br /> Do the next right thing.<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> One day at a time<br /> Just for today<br /> How important is it?<br /> How do I know that my life is manageable?<br /> I have time for “me”<br /> I’m not always jumping from one “crisis” to the next<br /> I can recognize my choices and make them rationally<br /> I recognize others’ humanity and have compassion for their struggle<br /> I recognize that it is not my job to “fix” others The Recovery Show full false 1:23:05 Tradition 9 – no organization – Episode 86 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/#respond Wed, 03 Sep 2014 02:59:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2933 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, “Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve.” This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean? Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions: What does it mean that our...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/09/tradition-9-episode-86/feed/ 0 How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized ..." This seems contradictory. What does it mean? How can we function without organization? Tradition 9 says, "Our groups, as such, ought never be organized; but we may create service boards or committees directly responsible to those they serve." This seems somehow contradictory. What does it mean?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 9, following these questions:<br /> <br /> What does it mean that our groups are not organized?<br /> How do we get things done without “organization”?<br /> When might we create “service boards” or committees?<br /> How does this tradition connect to Steps 2 & 3?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in my daily life? The Recovery Show full false 1:09:49 Alcoholism – a Personal Journey – Episode 85 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/#respond Tue, 26 Aug 2014 03:39:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2925 What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism. Here's a...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/alcoholism-episode-85/feed/ 0 Is alcoholism a disease? Or is that a cop-out? Listen to my journey of understanding of this cunning, powerful, and baffling thing called alcoholism. What did you think when you first heard the statement that alcoholism is a disease? Did is seem like a cop-out? Did you feel that your loved one just needed to drink normally!? Today, Spencer explores his personal journey of coming to an understanding of this cunning, baffling, and powerful thing called alcoholism.<br /> <br /> Here's a rough outline of the journey in bullet points:<br /> <br /> Alcoholism? Is that a thing?<br /> Alcoholic? Certainly not!<br /> The poster.<br /> Early explanations<br /> Genetics<br /> Brain chemistry<br /> Recovery and relapse<br /> Open talks<br /> Eye opening<br /> Coming to see the arc of the story -- one story in many lives<br /> Finding hope<br /> Disease concept<br /> Brain chemistry?<br /> A disease that denies itself<br /> Chronic, Progressive, Fatal unless arrested<br /> No known “cure” but can be treated<br /> Like cancer in remission<br /> Lifetime treatment (like diabetes)<br /> Compassion<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:02:21 The 4 Ms – Manipulation Managing Mothering Martyrdom – Episode 84 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/#comments Tue, 12 Aug 2014 02:53:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2916 Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated?  The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/4-ms-manipulation-managing-mothering-martyrdom-episode-84/feed/ 11 Do you try to do it all? To take care of others? To force outcomes? Are you unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom. Have you found yourself trying to do it all? Did you take care of your loved one’s problems? Do you try to force things to work out your way? Have you ever felt totally unappreciated? The 4 M's are Managing, Manipulation, Mothering, and Martyrdom.<br /> <br /> Join Erika and Spencer as we talk about our experience with the "4 M's" and how the program has helped us to rely less on these crutches.<br /> <br /> How do/did I try to manipulate others?<br /> “Setting up” a situation<br /> passive/agressive behavior<br /> How do/did I try to manage and control my live and the lives of those around me?<br /> How have I taken on responsibilities that were not mine?<br /> Have I ever been called a control freak?<br /> How do/did I mother others by “cleaning up” their problems, by doing things for them, etc?<br /> How have I played the martyr. What did I hope to gain?<br /> What tools does Alanon give us?<br /> Inventory – recognizing my behaviors.<br /> Loving detachment<br /> Self care The Recovery Show full false 1:25:24 Tradition 8 – Episode 83 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/#respond Tue, 05 Aug 2014 05:02:21 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2908 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/08/tradition-8-episode-83/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? We talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, Do you find yourself looking for the “experts” in your meetings? Do you sometimes feel like you have nothing to offer? How do we help one another in Al-Anon? Today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 8, which states “Al-Anon Twelfth Step work should remain forever non-professional, but our service centers may employ special workers.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 8, guided by these thought questions.<br /> <br /> How does the reading match with my experience in Al-Anon?<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> What are the advantages of a “fellowship of equals”?<br /> What are the disadvantages?<br /> Do I look to certain members as “experts”?<br /> How can this be a problem for me?<br /> How can this be a problem for them?<br /> Do I sometimes feel reluctant to share because I’m not an “expert”?<br /> Am I sometimes reluctant to share my problems because I feel I have to be “perfect” in my program?<br /> How can I share with others without trying to fix them?<br /> Am I sometimes “Mr or Ms Alanon”?<br /> How/when am I judgemental?<br /> How/when do I take others’ inventories?<br /> What about paid employees (“special workers”)?<br /> Final thoughts? The Recovery Show full false 1:11:06 Suffering is Optional – Episode 82 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/#respond Tue, 29 Jul 2014 04:33:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2900 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering? Does it make sense to...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/suffering-optional-episode-82/feed/ 0 What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering? What do we mean when we say “Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional?” What’s the difference? How can we avoid suffering?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Maria share their experience about suffering and pain. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What distinction does the quote make between pain and suffering?<br /> Does it make sense to say “suffering is pain plus a story we tell ourselves?”<br /> What forms can suffering take?<br /> Worry.<br /> Obsession.<br /> Despair.<br /> Dullness.<br /> Self-pity.<br /> Isolation.<br /> ?<br /> What tools does Al-Anon give is to stop turning pain into suffering?<br /> Let go and let God.<br /> Just for today.<br /> One day at a time.<br /> Loving detachment.<br /> How important is it?<br /> Live and let live.<br /> This too shall pass.<br /> Patience.<br /> Prayer.<br /> Hope.<br /> Attitude of gratitude.<br /> Connection with others -- we are not alone. The Recovery Show full false 1:33:56 Cause, Cure, Control – The 3 Cs – Episode 81 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/#respond Tue, 22 Jul 2014 04:03:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2891 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? What are “the 3 C’s”? We didn't cause our loved one's...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/cause-cure-control-3-cs-episode-81/feed/ 0 We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease? We are told that “we didn’t cause it, we can’t cure it, and we can’t control it.” The 3 C’s capture our powerlessness. What does this mean for us, what does it mean for the ones we love who are caught in this disease?<br /> <br /> What are “the 3 C’s”?<br /> We didn't cause our loved one's alcoholism or addiction.<br /> We can't cure it.<br /> We can't control it.<br /> When did you first hear about them?<br /> What did you think then?<br /> How did you feel?<br /> Why are they important?<br /> How do they express our powerlessness over alcohol?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 53:30 What does it mean to work the steps? – Episode 80 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/#comments Thu, 17 Jul 2014 05:36:32 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2887 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations. When...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/mean-work-steps-episode-80/feed/ 2 When you first heard “work the steps”, what did you think? Are you still confused about what it means? Or, maybe you’ve worked the steps, but you’re looking for more. Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience o... Spencer talks with Ruth, Maria, and Patti about our understanding of and experience of “working the steps”. We consider these questions in our conversations.

* When you first heard the phrase “work the steps”, what did you think it meant?
* Have you worked the steps once? More than once?

* If more than once, how did your understanding of “working the steps” change?
* How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?


* Some steps have clear actions in them (“took an inventory”, “made a list”), and some do not (“came to believe”, “became entirely ready”).

* Would you say that some steps are “action steps” and some are not?
* Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?


* How do you know you have “finished” a step and are ready to move on to the next one?
* If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?

Our topic for next week is “The 3 C's“. We are told that “We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we can't control it.” How does this help? Does it help? What do you think? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.

Music
Here are some songs that we think connect to our topic. Listen to the episode to hear why and how.
Jordin Sparks – One Step at a Time
Ani DiFranco – Work Your Way Out
Janis Joplin – Work me, Lord
The music in the episode:
[bandcamp track=510377286 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=venti] (intro)
[bandcamp track=70695682 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=venti] (first break)
[bandcamp track=3576082032 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=venti]Klonopin (second break)
[bandcamp track=2428417786 bgcol=FFFFFF linkcol=4285BB size=venti] (closing)
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:44:56 Tradition 7 – Episode 79 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/#comments Tue, 08 Jul 2014 03:52:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2875 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7. The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/07/tradition-7-episode-79/feed/ 1 How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.” How is Al-Anon funded? Why don’t we take outside contributions? What if we all lived our lives that way? Tradition 7 states “Every group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth discuss these questions and others as we explore our understanding of Tradition 7.<br /> <br /> The statement of this tradition is pretty clear. Why do you think we have this tradition?<br /> How does Tradition 7 relate to Tradition 6, which says, in part, “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim.”<br /> Are there other ways, besides financial, in which our groups are self-supporting?<br /> How can I be of service to my meeting(s)? How have I been of service?<br /> How do I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How am I self supporting<br /> Financially?<br /> Socially?<br /> Spiritually?<br /> Emotionally?<br /> Mentally?<br /> Physically?<br /> How have I felt when I was dependent on others?<br /> Have I expected that “the world” owed me? In what ways? How did I feel? How did I act?<br /> How has my self-worth depended on being needed by others?<br /> Do I take responsibility for my feelings and my actions? Do I blame others for how I feel?<br /> How do I contribute to my own well-being?<br /> How can I be fully self-supporting?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:17:23 What does it mean to “work” the steps? https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/#comments Thu, 26 Jun 2014 13:25:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2873 The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to “work” the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right. Here are some thought questions that you can...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/mean-work-steps/feed/ 1 What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question for our next episode. The topic of our next episode, number 79, is What does it mean to "work" the steps? Please share your experience, strength, and hope about this question by sending email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com, by calling our voice mail number 734-707-8795, or by using the voicemail button at the right.<br /> <br /> Here are some thought questions that you can use as prompts for your sharing:<br /> <br /> When you first heard the phrase "work the steps", what did you think it meant?<br /> Have you worked the steps once? More than once?<br /> If more than once, how did your understanding of "working the steps" change?<br /> How did you work the steps? From a book? With a sponsor? As part of a group?<br /> Some steps have clear actions in them ("took an inventory", "made a list"), and some do not ("came to believe", "became entirely ready").<br /> Would you say that some steps are "action steps" and some are not?<br /> Or, do you believe that all the steps have actions in them?<br /> If you are a sponsor, how do you guide your sponsees in working the steps?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 3:15 Stay or Go? – Episode 78 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/#comments Tue, 24 Jun 2014 04:16:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2861 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go? Spencer starts with his experience. He...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/stay-go-episode-n/feed/ 1 Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard... Are you in a relationship with an alcoholic or addict? Have you ever thought, “My life would be so much easier without this person?” Have you wondered how you could ever leave them? Today, we have 4 personal stories from individuals who faced that hard question, Stay or Go?<br /> <br /> Spencer starts with his experience. He struggled for years with that question. When he came into the program, he was grateful to hear that he should not make any big decisions in his first year. It took a couple of years and some hard work to decide to stay in his alcoholic marriage.<br /> <br /> Ruth was in her relationship for a long time before she came to see that he was an alcoholic. She found Al-Anon then. After some more time, she realized that she could not continue in that relationship and made the hard decision to end it.<br /> <br /> Jennifer has stayed with her alcoholic husband, so far. She has hope that he will find long-term sobriety, but fears for the effects of his drinking on their young children if he cannot.<br /> <br /> Julia recently ended her relationship with her alcoholic boyfriend. She came to see that the relationship was not healthy for her, and that she could not stay.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:13:02 Why I came to Al-Anon. Why I stay? – Episode 77 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/#respond Tue, 17 Jun 2014 03:52:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2856 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation. What brought you to Al-Anon originally? What was your situation? Was there active...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/came-al-anon-stay-episode-77/feed/ 0 Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming? Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. Have you wondered why someone would choose Al-Anon? Or why those “long timers” keep on coming?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Amy tell their stories of coming to Al-Anon, and the reasons they're still coming years later. We used this outline to guide our conversation.<br /> <br /> What brought you to Al-Anon originally?<br /> What was your situation?<br /> Was there active alcoholism in your life at the time?<br /> What was your relationship to the alcoholic(s) in your life?<br /> How did you “hit bottom”?<br /> What was your first meeting like?<br /> What did you expect?<br /> How were your expectations met?<br /> How were they not met?<br /> Did you keep coming back after your first meeting?<br /> Why or why not?<br /> How and when did you start to understand what the program was about?<br /> What did it mean to you?<br /> Did you find help for the situation that brought you to Al-Anon?<br /> Was it the kind of help you had expected?<br /> How long have you been in Al-Anon?<br /> Is the original situation the same?<br /> How or how not?<br /> What keeps you coming to Al-Anon?<br /> Do you still have active alcoholism in your life?<br /> Did you “discover” more alcoholism around you?<br /> Are you still dealing with the same issues as when you came in?<br /> Do you attend Al-Anon primarily to help you deal with the alcoholism in your life, past or present?<br /> Do you attend because of the growth and change in yourself you have found here?<br /> Do you attend because if you don’t, you get crazy again?<br /> Do you attend to pass the help on to others who are still suffering? The Recovery Show full false 1:09:42 Loss – Episode 76 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/#respond Tue, 10 Jun 2014 03:19:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2851 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/loss-episode-76/feed/ 0 What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss? What do you do when you lose someone close to you? How can I use the tools we have learned in the program to get through a loss?<br /> <br /> I was inspired to this topic by a tragic, accidental death in the past week. It brought me to reflect on the nature of loss, on how loss affects me and those close to me, and how my response to loss is so different now than it was before I came into the program. I used this outline as a guide for my musings.<br /> <br /> The story.<br /> How did I deal with loss in the past?<br /> Stuff it<br /> Ignore it<br /> Numb it<br /> Isolate<br /> Other kinds of loss?<br /> Loss of dreams<br /> Loss of friendship<br /> Separation and divorce<br /> Fear of Loss<br /> How has the program helped me to deal with loss?<br /> Feel it.<br /> Acceptance.<br /> Gratitude for what was.<br /> Grief process -- acknowledge it.<br /> Less guilt.<br /> How to deal with loss and grief<br /> Take care of self<br /> Prayer<br /> Ask for help<br /> Talk about it<br /> One Day at a Time<br /> Letting go The Recovery Show full false 48:57 Tradition 6 – Episode 75 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/#respond Tue, 03 Jun 2014 03:52:40 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2843 Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/06/tradition-6-episode-75/feed/ 0 Tradition 6 keeps us focused on our primary purpose by saying that we "ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise". Tradition 6 says “Our Family Groups ought never endorse, finance or lend our name to any outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary spiritual aim. Although a separate entity, we should always co-operate with Alcoholics Anonymous.” What does this mean? How do we understand and apply it? How do we use it in our personal life?<br /> <br /> Spencer and Ruth talk about Tradition 6, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Why do I think we have this tradition?<br /> What is “our primary spiritual aim”?<br /> What are some examples of “outside enterprises”?<br /> Religions<br /> Treatment programs<br /> Other 12-step programs<br /> What are some hazards of promoting, endorsing, or talking about such “outside enterprises” in our meetings?<br /> In what ways does Al-Anon “cooperate with AA”?<br /> How can I apply this tradition in your personal life?<br /> Am I allowing material or financial concerns to gain priority over my personal spiritual needs and serenity?<br /> Am I allowing personal problems or successes to overwhelm me?<br /> Am I letting them get in the way of how I treat others?<br /> How do these slogans relate to Tradition 6?<br /> Easy Does It<br /> Keep It Simple<br /> Live and Let Live<br /> Let Go and Let God<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:03:37 Faith over Fear – Episode 74 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/#comments Tue, 27 May 2014 04:19:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2837 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others. How has fear been a factor in your life to date? In what ways did fear direct your actions (or...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/faith-fear-episode-74/feed/ 2 Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear. Does fear keep you from acting? Can you move forward in faith instead? This week, we talk about faith over fear.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Adrienne talked about their experience with fear and faith, reflecting on these questions and others.<br /> <br /> How has fear been a factor in your life to date?<br /> In what ways did fear direct your actions (or inactions) in the past?<br /> How have you experienced faith in recovery?<br /> Which steps are acts of faith for you?<br /> How does working the steps help you to learn to have faith?<br /> How can you move in faith rather than sitting in fear today? The Recovery Show full false 1:26:59 Tradition 5 – Episode 73 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/#respond Thu, 15 May 2014 06:13:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2825 Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/tradition-5-episode-73/feed/ 0 We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics. Have you wondered what Al-Anon is about? Why do we keep coming when we feel better? What does Al-Anon tell us about our alcoholic friends and relatives? These questions and more are addressed by Tradition 5. “Each Al-Anon Family Group has but one purpose: to help families of alcoholics. We do this by practicing the Twelve Steps of AA ourselves, by encouraging and understanding our alcoholic relatives, and by welcoming and giving comfort to families of alcoholics.”<br /> <br /> Ruth shares her experience with being welcomed into the fellowship of Al-Anon, and about how she came to understand what it means to "encourage" her alcoholic loved one. Then Spencer shares his musings on this tradition, roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to “understand and encourage our alcoholic relatives”?<br /> How can we gain understanding of alcoholism?<br /> How does this help us?<br /> How can I “encourage” my alcoholic relative(s)?<br /> In what ways did Al-Anon welcome me?<br /> How do I welcome others?<br /> How do I give comfort to others?<br /> Why is it important for me to work the 12 steps? The Recovery Show full false 1:27:41 We claim spiritual progress … – Episode 72 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/#respond Tue, 06 May 2014 04:06:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2817 Many of us exclaimed, “What an order! I can't go through with it.” Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/claim-spiritual-progress-episode-72/feed/ 0 Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." ... We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Many of us exclaimed, "What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. (Alcoholics Anonymous)<br /> <br /> Mara joins Spencer again to talk about perfection, progress, and topics in between. We had some question, but the quote, above, from the "Big Book" of Alcoholics Anonymous formed the foundation of our conversation. Here are some of the questions we may or may not have ended up addressing.<br /> <br /> What does it mean to be perfect?<br /> What is your perspective/understanding on character defects? Are they what keep you from perfection?<br /> How did you feel about perfection before the program vs. now?<br /> What do you consider to be progress?<br /> How does your outlook and attitude change when you look at your progress (how far you’ve come) instead of your shortcomings (how far you have to go to be perfect)?<br /> How do you see your progress?<br /> By taking a periodic inventory?<br /> When you see yourself facing or responding to an old situation in a new way?<br /> When someone else points it out to you?<br /> How do you feel or react when something does not work out the way you wanted it to?<br /> What tools can you use to get past that feeling or reaction to resolution or completion?<br /> Spencer closed with this prayer he got from a Facebook friend, by which he tries to live every day. "Lord, help me to hold myself and others to a standard of grace, rather than perfection." The Recovery Show full false 1:52:54 Recovery on the Road interview with Mara – Episode 71 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/#respond Thu, 01 May 2014 04:57:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2814 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions: Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/05/recovery-road-interview-mara-episode-71/feed/ 0 How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive. How do you take recovery with you when you travel? I talked with Mara about her recent experience traveling for several months, and how she kept her recovery program alive.<br /> <br /> Our conversation was very loosely guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> Did you think about how you were going to take your recovery program with you before you left home?<br /> What did you take with you? (Literature, phone numbers, meeting locations / list?)<br /> What were your expectations about what you would find at your destination (that could support your recovery)?<br /> How did you use what you brought?<br /> Did you make program calls? Text? Email?<br /> How did what happened match (or not) your expectations (of practicing recovery)?<br /> Did you attend in-person meetings?<br /> Did you attend online meetings?<br /> What did you find challenging about practicing your recovery program while traveling?<br /> How did your program help you enjoy your travel?<br /> What else would you like to share about your experience?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:19:17 Living with alcoholism or addiction – Episode 70 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/#comments Tue, 22 Apr 2014 05:18:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2810 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/living-alcoholism-addiction-episode-70/feed/ 3 Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction. Do you wonder how you’re going to make it through another day with the drinking and chaos? Have you had thoughts of leaving or worse? Today we have 4 stories of living with active alcoholism or addiction.<br /> <br /> We hear personal stories from Julie, Jen, Maria, and Spencer. Each of us was given the following questions as a prompt, and although our stories are different, they are also the same.<br /> <br /> Tell me a little bit about your situation:<br /> What relationship do you have with the active alcoholic or addict?<br /> Is he or she living in your home?<br /> How long have you been living with active alcoholism?<br /> Are you still living with the alcoholic or have you separated?<br /> How long have you been attending AlAnon meetings?<br /> How long have you been working the AlAnon program, if that's different from the answer to the previous question?<br /> How are you using the tools of the AlAnon program in your situation?<br /> Which slogans do you find helpful?<br /> How do you recognize your powerlessness?<br /> What do you have power to affect or change?<br /> Are you keeping the focus on yourself first?<br /> Are you practicing detachment? With love?<br /> Are you recognizing where you have enabled the alcoholic in the past?<br /> How are you working to not enable now?<br /> Has AlAnon helped you to be less angry, sad, scared, frustrated, anxious, (add your own favorite emotion here)?<br /> What questions and issues are you struggling with now?<br /> With respect to the alcoholic?<br /> With respect to other family members such as children?<br /> With respect to yourself?<br /> With respect to the relationship you have with the alcoholic?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:41:01 Tradition 4 – autonomy – Episode 69 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/#respond Tue, 15 Apr 2014 03:37:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2805 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/tradition-4-autonomy-episode-69/feed/ 0 Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4. Do you like some meetings better than others? Do you wish all meetings would do things the same way? Do feel you should be able to do whatever you want, regardless of others? Stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Tradition 4, which says “Each group should be autonomous, except in matters affecting another group or Al-Anon or AA as a whole.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Rachel talk about Tradition 4. As we do, we consider these questions and others.<br /> <br /> What does this tradition say to you about how we can and cannot conduct our meetings?<br /> What is autonomy?<br /> How might the actions of a particular group affect “Alanon or AA as a whole”?<br /> How does this tradition suggest that a group takes responsibility for their actions?<br /> How can you apply this tradition to your own life?<br /> How do you take responsibility for your own actions?<br /> How do you allow others to take responsibility for their own actions?<br /> Think about other groups you are a member of (family, affinity group, group of close friends).<br /> Do these groups follow this tradition? What would happen if they did? The Recovery Show full false 1:12:24 Forgiveness – Episode 68 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/#respond Tue, 08 Apr 2014 04:47:39 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2799 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/04/forgiveness-episode-68/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness. Do you have trouble forgiving the alcoholic or addict in your life? Have you carried hurts long after the person who hurt you is gone from your life? How can we forgive without forgetting? Let's talk about forgiveness.<br /> <br /> Spencer and Erika share their experience, strength, and hope about forgiveness, and try to address these questions.<br /> <br /> What do the quotes that we opened the show with say to you about forgiveness?<br /> How does this compare to the way you used to think about forgiveness?<br /> Did you (or do you) think about forgiveness as giving a “free pass” to the person who hurt you?<br /> Do you now think about forgiveness as “a gift you give to yourself”? (Or can you be willing to think about it that way now?)<br /> How can forgiveness connect to the love of your higher power?<br /> What Al-Anon tools can you use to help move from anger and resentment to forgiveness?<br /> Inventory — seeing “my part” (and I there is almost always “my part” as well as “their part”)<br /> Compassion — especially helpful for me in finding forgiveness for my alcoholic loved one’s actions during her active disease.<br /> Prayer and meditation. Praying for the person I want to forgive, even if it’s just the “SOB prayer.”<br /> Seeing that the other person is a human being, with faults, and that they were doing the best they knew at the time.<br /> Setting boundaries to prevent the hurt from happening again.<br /> How can I find forgiveness for myself, for my past actions that hurt others? (Same tools?)<br /> What about “unforgiveable” behaviors? How can I let them go so that they’re not continuing to affect my serenity and continuing to drag me down? The Recovery Show full false 1:32:06 Made a Decision – Episode 67 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/#comments Tue, 01 Apr 2014 02:53:03 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2791 I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to  the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/made-decision-episode-67/feed/ 1 “Made a decision to turn our will and our life over to the care of God …” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, surrendered. I’ve titled today’s episode Made a Decision. I am going to relate my the story of my journey to and through Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our live over to the care of God as we understood God.” I started from unbelief, was told to “act as if”, found willingness, and eventually surrendered. But still, I must give my will over on a daily basis, because I continue to try to take it back.<br /> <br /> My Story<br /> What is this “God” thing of which you speak?<br /> How can I turn my will and my life over to something I don’t believe in?<br /> “Act as if”<br /> Letting go of my loved one’s recovery (or lack thereof)<br /> The meeting and the program as my HP<br /> A later understanding of surrender -- just going to meetings<br /> Unmanageability as motivation<br /> Evidence of God working in my life<br /> Growing willingness<br /> Surrender<br /> God suggests -- sometimes I listen<br /> Daily practice<br /> What holds me back?<br /> My intellect<br /> Fear (of losing control)<br /> Desire for my outcome<br /> What pushed me forward<br /> Clear unmanageability of life<br /> Seeing it work -- when I listened<br /> My will has often led me into trouble<br /> Change requires changing -- letting go of old ways -- I can’t do it alone The Recovery Show full false 1:06:50 Codependency – Episode 66 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/#comments Tue, 25 Mar 2014 05:59:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2778 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?”  … Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about codependency. Spencer took this one...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/codependency-episode-66/feed/ 3 If you put your loved one’s needs ahead of your own… If you feel that others’ happiness is your responsibility… If your response to “what do you want for dinner” is “what do you want?” … You’ve come to the right place, Spencer took this one solo, trying to follow this rough outline:

* Wikipedia says “Codependency is defined as a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others.”
* Did you have any understanding of codependency before you came into recovery? Had you even heard of it?
* When did you first hear of codependency? What did you think it meant then?
* How has your understanding of codependency changed?
* In what ways do you have codependent behavior?
* How have you recovered from your own codependent behavior? What program tools do you use?
* How do you deal with other people’s codependent behavior?

* In your family?
* With friends?
* With co-workers?



Upcoming topics include Tradition 4, forgiveness, and how to take recovery with you when you travel. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Music from the show
Lori McKenna: Drinkin' Problem
Misty Lyn and the Big Beautiful: Drowning's Better (with your friends)

Coldplay: Fix You
After I finished recording, I received an email from Julia who recommended “Can't Smile Without You” by Barry Manilow as “the most codependent song ever.” It's hard to disagree:
 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:10:39 Hope – Episode 65 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/#respond Tue, 18 Mar 2014 03:28:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2773 “… we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope.” — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/hope-episode-65/feed/ 0 What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair. "... we shall hew from this mountain of despair a small stone of hope." — Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr.<br /> <br /> What is hope? How do we find hope when we are overwhelmed by a mountain of despair? Spencer, Maria, and May talk about their experiences of finding hope in the midst of their times of confusion, fear, and despair.<br /> <br /> Some of the questions we used to guide our discussion included these:<br /> <br /> How did you experience hope before you came to the program?<br /> Did you “hope for” particular outcomes?<br /> Has your conception or experience of hope changed as you have worked the program?<br /> Do you see a difference between having a hopeful attitude versus an optimistic attitude?<br /> The "Stockdale paradox" is that the POWs in Vietnam who didn't survive were the optimists.<br /> In his “dream” speech, Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. said “With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope.”<br /> What does this say to you?<br /> Does faith support or engender hope for you? (Faith in a higher power, faith in the program, faith that there are good people, faith…)<br /> How can we find hope in a seemingly hopeless situation?<br /> Can hope lift us from despair, as King suggests?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:34:38 Detachment – a “best of” episode – Episode 64 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/#comments Tue, 11 Mar 2014 01:25:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2767 Early on, I was told to practice “loving detachment.” I already knew how to do “middle finger detachment,” but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this “best of” episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic. Our topic for next week is hope. Please...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/detachment-best-episode-episode-64/feed/ 2 I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already know how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. Early on, I was told to practice "loving detachment." I already knew how to do "middle finger detachment," but detaching with love was a foreign concept. In this "best of" episode from February 2013, Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer share their experience, strength, and hope about this complex topic.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 53:11 Tradition 3 – Episode 63 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/#respond Tue, 04 Mar 2014 04:46:48 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2759 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/03/tradition-3-episode-63/feed/ 0 Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. Spencer, Ruth, and Wendy talk about Tradition 3, which states “The relatives of alcoholics, when gathered together for mutual aid, may call themselves an Al-Anon Family Group, provided that, as a group, they have no other affiliation. The only requirement for membership is that there be a problem of alcoholism in a relative or friend.”<br /> <br /> Ruth contributed her reading of Tradition 3 in German: "Wenn sich Angehörige von Alkoholikern zu gegenseitiger Hilfe versammeln, können sie sich Al-Anon Familiengruppe nennen, vorausgesetzt, dass sie - als Gruppe - keine andere Bindung haben. Die einzige Voraussetzung für die Zugehörigkeit ist, dass bei einem Angehörigen oder Freund ein Alkoholproblem besteht." (From http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm)<br /> <br /> Ruth and Spencer talked by Skype, and we then added her contributions into the conversation with Wendy. We used these questions to guide our discussions:<br /> <br /> How do you interpret the word “relatives” in this tradition?<br /> What about “alcoholic” and “alcoholism”?<br /> Does your loved one have to admit they are alcoholic before you qualify for Al-Anon?<br /> What if the alcoholic is no longer present in your life?<br /> Do you think this tradition is intended to be inclusive or exclusive? Or maybe some of both?<br /> How do you feel about including members whose loved ones are addicts to another drug or behavior?<br /> Can alcoholics and addicts qualify?<br /> How do we welcome them and keep the focus on Al-Anon at the same time?<br /> What does this tradition suggest about how our groups function?<br /> Welcoming new members?<br /> Keeping focus on Al-Anon?<br /> Who gets to decide whether someone is qualified to attend Al-Anon?<br /> Can we read this tradition to say “we don’t judge motives”?<br /> How can I use this tradition in my personal life?<br /> How can I use it at work?<br /> How can I use it in relationships? The Recovery Show full false 1:18:25 Changed Attitudes – Episode 62 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/#respond Tue, 25 Feb 2014 04:48:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2754 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.  at·ti·tude a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior. the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/changed-attitudes-episode-62/feed/ 0 We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes. We say “changed attitudes can aid recovery”. But how do we change our attitudes? How does it help? Spencer and Rachel talk about changed attitudes.<br /> <br /> at·ti·tude<br /> <br /> a settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person's behavior.<br /> the orientation of an aircraft or spacecraft, relative to the direction of travel.<br /> We used these questions to guide our discussion:<br /> <br /> What is “attitude” anyway?<br /> Do I generally have a negative attitude or a positive attitude?<br /> Can you make deliberate changes in attitude?<br /> One definition: “Angle of approach”<br /> If you use this definition, how does this change your answer?<br /> Can you change your attitude by looking at your situation / events / other people from a different point of view?<br /> Have you changed your attitudes since coming to the program?<br /> How does a change in attitude help me to accept powerlessness?<br /> To help me see what I *can* change?<br /> To stop “taking it personally”?<br /> What tools have helped you change attitude?<br /> Steps?<br /> Slogans?<br /> Other people’s experience, strength and hope?<br /> From meetings<br /> Literature<br /> “open” talks<br /> Higher power, prayer, meditation<br /> How have changes in attitude helped you<br /> In relationships?<br /> At work?<br /> Dealing with the addict/alcoholic(s) in your live?<br /> Living? The Recovery Show full false 1:15:11 Intuition or God’s Will? – Episode 61 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/#respond Tue, 18 Feb 2014 04:04:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2746 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline: What is intuition? in·tu·i·tion 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/intuition-gods-will-episode-61/feed/ 0 How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing? How do I know my Higher Power’s will, which I am told to pray for in Step 11? Is Intuition the same thing?<br /> <br /> Spencer does this one solo, with written participation by Ruth and Adrienne. He starts from this outline:<br /> <br /> What is intuition?<br /> in·tu·i·tion<br /> 1. the ability to understand something immediately, without the need for conscious reasoning.<br /> synonyms: instinct, intuitiveness<br /> 2. a thing that one knows or considers likely from instinctive feeling rather than conscious reasoning.<br /> How do I know the will of my higher power?<br /> Step 11: “conscious contact” through prayer and meditation<br /> Make time to listen to HP<br /> Go to meetings<br /> Calm. Gut feeling.<br /> Daily surrender (Step 3 / 7 prayers)<br /> Can intuition be the voice of my higher power?<br /> “Conscious contact” vs “instinctive / without conscious reasoning”<br /> “still small voice”<br /> What are warning signs that it is not my HP’s will?<br /> Trying to control<br /> Another person<br /> outcomes<br /> Dropping/ignoring program actions (meetings, reading, P&M)<br /> unmanageability, stress<br /> scrambling, frenetic, frantic<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:06:30 Tradition 2 – Episode 60 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/#respond Mon, 10 Feb 2014 06:58:54 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2738 Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority – a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience.  Our leaders are but trusted servants – they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/tradition-2-episode-60/feed/ 0 Tradition 2 says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Spencer and Adrienne discuss Tradition 2, which says “For our group purpose, there is but one authority - a loving god as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants - they do not govern.” Which, when you think about it, is a pretty radical statement. Have you been in any other groups that functioned without “leaders”? What does it mean that our leaders are “trusted servants?”<br /> <br /> We start with a reading from the blog al-anon journal about Tradition 2. Our discussion was shaped by these thoughts and questions:<br /> <br /> From Courage to Change Page 215:<br /> We strive to conduct our meetings as a fellowship of equals and to practice rotation of leadership. No single member has the right to take charge.<br /> When I insist on having my way, I am tampering with the spiritual nature of AlAnon as a whole<br /> Any attempt to manage or direct is likely to have disastrous consequences for Group Harmony<br /> Why do we have this tradition?<br /> How can it work? Can it really work to have no one person deciding how things will be?<br /> What is a “group conscience?” How is it determined?<br /> Is this sort of like Steps 2 & 3 for the group?<br /> How can you use this tradition in your personal life?<br /> In relationships<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> How does Tradition 2 support Tradition 1 (welfare of the group comes first)?<br /> Does this tradition remind me to not “take charge”?<br /> What is a “trusted servant?” How do you lead without governing?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:26:08 Relapse – Episode 59 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/#respond Mon, 03 Feb 2014 05:52:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2733 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. We structured our discussion around these points and questions: The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal. Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/02/relapse-episode-59/feed/ 0 Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse. Has your loved one relapsed? Did you expect it? How did you react? Today, Spencer and Jessyca talk about Relapse.<br /> <br /> We structured our discussion around these points and questions:<br /> <br /> The disease of alcoholism and addiction is chronic, progressive, and eventually fatal.<br /> Relapse does not have to be part of the disease, but it is frequently part of the process.<br /> As friends and family members, many of us have experienced the relapse of a loved one from a period of sobriety, sometimes short, sometimes long and full of recovery.<br /> How did and how do we respond and react when a loved one relapses?<br /> What is our understanding of relapse? It is often a process in which picking up the drink or drug is the last stage.<br /> How can we support ourselves and our loved ones in relapse?<br /> And, sometimes, we relapse back to our old behavior. What is an “Al-Anon relapse”?<br /> Have you had one? What was it like, and how did you get out of it? The Recovery Show full false 1:25:36 Interview with Michele – Relapse preview – Episode 58 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/#respond Mon, 27 Jan 2014 05:57:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2715 Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/interview-michele-relapse-episode-58/feed/ 0 Michele talks about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, her journey into recovery, and how that helped her to deal with repeated relapses. Michele wrote to us last week suggesting that we talk about relapse. She also offered to share her experience with us. I called her to interview her, and realized that her story was powerful and compelling. So, I changed the plan and this episode is our interview with Michele, talking about her 8 year journey as her son sank into addiction, about her journey into recovery, and about how that helped her to deal with his repeated relapses. When I wrote her to request an interview, her response included this: " Ironically, my son did relapse--just this past Saturday night, the day after I sent you my e-mail..." Listen and hear how she recognized a real change in her reaction and her response. The Recovery Show full false 1:20:47 Face to face meetings, why are they important? – Episode 57 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/#respond Tue, 21 Jan 2014 06:10:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2705 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Our discussion was guided by these questions: What resources have you used / do you use in your program? Meetings Reading Al-Anon...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/face-face-meetings-episode-57/feed/ 0 Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important. Have you ever wondered, “Why do I need to go to meetings? Can’t I just read the literature?” Today, Spencer and Wendy talk about Face to Face meetings and why they are important.<br /> <br /> Our discussion was guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What resources have you used / do you use in your program?<br /> <br /> Meetings<br /> Reading Al-Anon literature<br /> Daily reader<br /> Sponsor<br /> Phone list<br /> Individual meetings with program members<br /> Small group (“AWOL”)<br /> Email<br /> Online meetings<br /> Podcasts<br /> Blogs<br /> Social media<br /> Journaling<br /> etc.<br /> How have these helped you? How is each different from the others?<br /> Could you do your program without going to meetings?<br /> What do you get from meetings that you don’t get from other resources?<br /> How does going to a meeting help others? How does it help to build a community of recovery?<br /> Has there been a time when you were unable to or just didn’t go to meetings? What did you do then? The Recovery Show full false 1:16:26 Communication – Episode 56 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/#respond Mon, 13 Jan 2014 07:16:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2695 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication. We started with this list of questions. How...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/communication-episode-56/feed/ 0 Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Do you have trouble communicating your needs and feelings to your loved ones? Do your attempts to ask for what you want always degenerate into an argument? How have you learned to communicate better in this program? Today, Spencer, Maria and guest host Meishia talk about Communication.<br /> <br /> We started with this list of questions.<br /> <br /> How did you communicate in your relationships before you came to the program?<br /> What special challenges to communication have you faced/seen in alcoholic relationships?<br /> Which of these communication skills did you have then / do you have now? Listening attentively and openly. Stating your needs clearly. Using “I” statements.<br /> Which of these communication problems did you have then / have you reduced or eliminated? Accusatory or judgemental statements. Expecting others to “read your mind”. Emotional reaction. Escalation to argument or fight<br /> What are “I” statements? Why would you want to use them? How can they help to enhance communication and avoid emotional escalation?<br /> Are you aware of the non-verbal signals you send?<br /> <br /> A well-written contribution from Adrienne sparked our conversation, and we just rolled on from there. The Recovery Show full false 1:38:33 Tradition 1 – Episode 55 https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/#respond Tue, 07 Jan 2014 07:45:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2685 Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says “Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions: What does “common welfare” mean to you? What does “unity” mean to / for you? How do you think that...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2014/01/tradition-1-episode-55/feed/ 0 Spencer, Maria and Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” Spencer and Maria are joined by special guest Ruth to discuss Tradition 1, which says "Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity.” We are guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What does “common welfare” mean to you?<br /> What does “unity” mean to / for you?<br /> How do you think that this tradition supports personal progress.?<br /> What are some ways you observe this tradition in your group(s)?<br /> How does this tradition inform or affect the “rules” your group(s) use in meetings?<br /> How does a group or meeting suffer when one person shares to long or otherwise dominates the meeting?<br /> Have you been affected by that behavior? Have you done that?<br /> How can and do you use this tradition outside the program, in your personal life?<br /> The reading in Pathways suggests that “a loving, spiritual community” provides the best chance for personal recovery. How does Tradition 1 help to build and maintain such a community?<br /> Do you share your experience, strength, and hope in your group meetings?<br /> Do you give others the opportunity to share equally? Do you listen when they share?<br /> How do sharing and listening attentively help to unite the group?<br /> How does taking control destroy unity?<br /> Does this tradition mean that everyone in the group must be happy or satisfied with a decision? Why or why not?<br /> How can you use what you have learned about this tradition to bring balance into your relationships?<br /> <br /> Ruth is in Germany, so we asked her to read Tradition 1 in German, which is “Unser gemeinsames Wohlergehen sollte an erster Stelle stehen; persönlicher Fortschritt für möglichst viele hängt vom Einigsein ab.” (http://www.al-anon.de/grund/programm/12traditionen.htm) The Recovery Show full false 1:31:34 Family of our Dreams – Episode 54 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/#respond Mon, 30 Dec 2013 04:47:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2669 In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/family-dreams-episode-54/feed/ 0 “We may never have the family of our dreams…” How has recovery helped you to relate to your family that you have, even if it's not the one of your dreams? In the book, How Al-Anon Works, in the discussion of Step 1, it says, “We may never have the family of our dreams…” What is the family of your dreams? How does your family fall short of your dreams? What have you tried to do about it? How has recovery helped you to relate to your family, whether the family of origin, family of choice, or “recovery family”?.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria, and Nic address these questions and others, very roughly following this outline.<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of the phrase “family of our dreams”?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of origin?<br /> How do you envision your dream family of choice?<br /> How do your real families fall short of your dreams? (Pick 1 or 2 examples!)<br /> How have you used / can you use your Al-Anon tools and principles in your families?<br /> Setting boundaries.<br /> Keeping expectations realistic.<br /> Accepting others as they are.<br /> We may not receive love in the way we want it, but recognizing it in whatever form it may be offered.<br /> Maintaining our own recovery in the face of non-recovery.<br /> Recognizing/breaking out of old unhealthy patterns.<br /> Detaching with love.<br /> Refraining from controlling behavior.<br /> Recognizing when we are shopping for bread at the hardware store.<br /> Keeping the focus on ourselves.<br /> Reflect on how your view of / interaction with / tolerance of / participation in your family(s) have changed in recovery. The Recovery Show full false 1:13:30 Step 12 – Episode 53 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/#comments Fri, 20 Dec 2013 07:20:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2636 Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/step-12-episode-53/feed/ 2 Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.” Are you wondering whether you’ve had a spiritual awakening, or even what a spiritual awakening might be? How can you practice these principles in all your affairs? And what are “these principles” anyway? Are you not sure how to carry the message? Today, Linda and Spencer talk about Step 12, which states “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.”<br /> <br /> Our discussion is structured by these questions:<br /> <br /> Have you had a spiritual awakening?<br /> What does that mean to you?<br /> How do you know?<br /> What sort(s) of spiritual awakening(s) have you experienced?<br /> What do you understand to be “these principles”?<br /> Steps? Traditions? Concepts? Slogans? What else?<br /> What are some ways in which you practice these principles “in all your affairs?”<br /> In the family<br /> At work<br /> With friends<br /> In society<br /> What are some ways in which you carry the message of the program to others?<br /> In meetings<br /> As a sponsor<br /> With family and friends<br /> This podcast!<br /> How does Step 12 empower and inspire you? The Recovery Show full false 1:23:34 My Story – Episode 52 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/#respond Mon, 09 Dec 2013 04:30:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2626 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/12/story-episode-52/feed/ 0 For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer. For our 1 year anniversary podcast, we asked you, our listeners, to send us your story. Several of you did, and two are featured in this episode. Unfortunately, a third suffered damage that made it unplayable, so we weren't able to use it. We hear from listeners Julia and Emily, as well as host Spencer.<br /> <br /> Why is it important that we tell our stories? As all three of these stories show, we felt isolated, we felt alone, and we felt that nobody else could possibly understand what was happening in our lives. We all found common ground and understanding when we came to meetings and heard others sharing their own experiences. It is others' stories that draw us in, and give us hope. It is stories that illuminate tools that we can take for our own, that we can use to deal with the problems in our lives.<br /> <br /> Julia's story is different from Emily's story, and both are different than mine, in the details. But in the essentials, in the feelings and fears and uncertainties and insecurities, they are quite similar. I know that I identified strongly with elements of both stories, and I am sure that you will, too. You may have heard the expression "Identify, don't compare!" If we compare ourselves to others, saying "Well, I'm not like that!" and "I never would do that thing!", we lose an opportunity to grow and heal. When we look for the ways in which we can identify with another's experience, we can then take their strength and hope into our own program of recovery. The Recovery Show full false 1:03:45 First Things First – Episode 51 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/#respond Mon, 25 Nov 2013 05:20:19 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2609 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions: How did you make decisions / set...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/first-things-first-episode-51/feed/ 0 Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.” Are you often unsure what to do next? Do you struggle with indecision? Do you have too many choices? Do you feel you have no choices? Today, we talk about the slogan “First Things First.”<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria and special guest Adrienne discuss this slogan, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> How did you make decisions / set priorities before the program?<br /> What is the difference between urgent and important for you?<br /> Do you let immediate “crisis” distract you from the important things in your life?<br /> How do you understand the slogan “First things first”?<br /> What tools can help you to figure out what is the “first thing”?<br /> Have you used this slogan to help you make choices and set priorities?<br /> Can you use it to help you get started on something that seems “too big”?<br /> How do you think it relates to the expression “Do the next right thing”?<br /> To “Do what is given you to do”? The Recovery Show full false 1:31:10 Step 11 – Episode 50 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/#comments Mon, 18 Nov 2013 05:37:50 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2594 Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, which says “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-11-episode-50/feed/ 1 Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, Have you established a routine of prayer and meditation? Do you struggle with them? Are you not sure how to know God’s will? Yes! Today, we’re going to talk about Step 11, which says “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of his will for us and the power to carry it out.”<br /> <br /> Spencer and Maria talk about Step 11, guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of “prayer”? “meditation”?<br /> How are these different from before the program? Early in the program?<br /> Do you have a regular practice of prayer and meditation?<br /> What is it?<br /> How has it changed over time?<br /> How have you sought to improve your conscious contact with your Higher Power?<br /> How does praying only for knowledge of his will differ from how you prayed before the program?<br /> How do you know if you understand God’s will?<br /> Final thoughts -- how is Step 11 working in your life? The Recovery Show full false 1:31:11 Getting Started in Al-Anon – Episode 49 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/#comments Tue, 12 Nov 2013 13:28:51 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2576 Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about getting started in Al-Anon. Spencer and guest host Wendy talk about...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/getting-started-al-anon-episode-49/feed/ 2 Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because we’re going to talk about getting started ... Are you new to Al-Anon? Do you wonder what to expect? What you should do immediately? What are the challenges we face early on? Does Al-Anon have its own “culture”? Then you’ve come to the right place, because today, we’re going to talk about getting started in Al-Anon.<br /> <br /> Spencer and guest host Wendy talk about our early experiences in Al-Anon, reflecting on what you might expect as you come to your first few meetings. We used this outline to guide our discussion.<br /> <br /> What should I expect when I come to my first meeting?<br /> Greeting?<br /> Literature?<br /> Meeting format?<br /> What should I do “immediately”?<br /> Go to meetings!<br /> Buy and read literature!<br /> Talk in the meeting?<br /> Get a phone list?<br /> Get a sponsor?<br /> Start working the steps?<br /> What are some early challenges?<br /> The jargon?<br /> Talking?<br /> Listening?<br /> Feeling safe?<br /> Crying?<br /> “God” talk?<br /> Is there an Al-Anon culture? What is it?<br /> Language/jargon?<br /> Slogans?<br /> How we interact with each other? The Recovery Show full false 1:29:16 Step 10 – Inventory – Episode 48 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/#respond Wed, 06 Nov 2013 05:35:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2555 Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?  How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?  What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”?  Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? Then stick around, because  today,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/11/step-10-episode-48/feed/ 0 Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory? Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? We talk about Step 10. Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment? Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory? How do you feel about admitting your wrongs? What exactly does this step mean by “promptly”? Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? Then stick around, because today, we’re going to talk about Step 10.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Maria, and Erika discuss our experience with Step 10, Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it. We were guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of a “daily inventory”?<br /> What are some ways you might do a daily inventory? (Have you found an effective way to take a daily inventory?)<br /> What is a “spot inventory”?<br /> Do you take a daily inventory?<br /> The second part of Step 10, “and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it” seems pretty clear?<br /> What does “promptly” mean to you?<br /> In what ways might you “admit it”?<br /> Do you struggle to admit that you are “wrong” in the moment?<br /> How do you feel about admitting your wrongs?<br /> Do you feel better when you make a 10th step amends? The Recovery Show full false 1:32:33 Changes – Episode 47 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/#comments Mon, 28 Oct 2013 03:09:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2529 Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes. There is a big change for the Recovery Show: Kelli and Swetha have...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/changes-episode-47/feed/ 4 Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes. Do you wish that things would just stay the same? Does change freak you out? Maybe you get depressed when live today isn’t the same as yesterday. If you identify with these feelings, stick around. Today, I’m going to talk about changes.<br /> <br /> There is a big change for the Recovery Show: Kelli and Swetha have decided, for personal reasons, that they can no longer participate in the show. In this episode Spencer reflects on how this change affected him, and how he is using the program to work through it. Here is his rough outline for the show<br /> <br /> Awareness: What happened? How I felt? What I did?<br /> "Change is a process … becoming aware is the first stage of this process." (How Al-Anon Works, p. 23)<br /> Fear of change and uncertainty. What about just giving up?<br /> Acceptance:<br /> “being willing to feel the feels, and if I can't bring myself to do the next right thing, at least trying to refrain from doing the next wrong thing” (from a friend via Facebook)<br /> “Change, even wonderful, positive change, involves some grief for the old … life” (HAW p. 88)<br /> Working the steps: 1 … 2 & 3 … 4 & 5 … 6 & 7<br /> Gratitude -- for what was -- and that I can keep on moving forward.<br /> Serenity prayer!<br /> Reading from Bless the Imperfect.<br /> Action<br /> Sermon this morning: “What is the love story we tell that keeps us going?”<br /> Where are we going?<br /> I am committed to continuing the podcast.<br /> I will be drawing on the local recovery community for guests and maybe, ultimately, new co-hosts.<br /> It will be different. I fear not as good, and I hope to grow into something better (just as we would have continued to do.)<br /> Your contributions are valuable, perhaps more now than ever.<br /> Thank you to all who have contributed, and special thanks to those who sent prayers for me this week.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 36:14 Days of Wine and Roses roundtable – Episode 46 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/#respond Mon, 21 Oct 2013 04:00:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2520 We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it. If you have not seen the movie, you may want to read the plot summaries at IMDB. You can also rent it from Amazon Instant Video...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/days-wine-roses-roundtable-episode-46/feed/ 0 We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it. We watched the movie Days of Wine and Roses with our friends Mark and Anna from the Recovered podcast. And then we sat down around a table and talked about it.<br /> <br /> If you have not seen the movie, you may want to read the plot summaries at IMDB. You can also rent it from Amazon Instant Video<br /> or iTunes Movies.<br /> <br /> In our discussion, we addressed most of these questions:<br /> <br /> How do you feel this movie related to your experience?<br /> In what ways did you feel that this movie was true to life? In what ways did it feel false or contrived?<br /> Was the focus of the movie on the alcoholic/addict experience or codependent experience?<br /> What myths about alcoholism in the 1960s does the movie try to dispel?<br /> What aspects of alcoholism that is portrayed in the film are still true today?<br /> What are your feelings about the way sponsorship was portrayed?<br /> Who needed alanon?<br /> What messages did you get from this movie about codependecy? Did it equate codependency with love? Did it portray codependency as something that caused unhappiness?<br /> Did the movie show the alcoholic/addict as the cause for the unhappiness of the codependent? How did you feel about that?<br /> What about the codependent experience in the movie would you have liked to greater detail on and why?<br /> Who are the codependents and who are the alcoholics?<br /> Is the movie hopeful?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:30:32 Chaos – Episode 45 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/#respond Sun, 13 Oct 2013 16:48:35 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2506 Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos. Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions. What do we mean by “chaos”? How...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/chaos-episode-45/feed/ 0 Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos. Why do we (codependents) create chaos? Why do addicts create chaos? How do we find islands of serenity within chaos? You guessed it — today, we’re going to talk about chaos.<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli and our guest Wendy share our experience, strength and hope as prompted by these questions.<br /> <br /> What do we mean by “chaos”?<br /> How has your life been chaotic? Before coming to the program? After coming to the program?<br /> What is your reaction or response to chaos? Before the program? Now?<br /> Why do we, as co-dependents, sometimes create chaos?<br /> Why do the alcoholics and addicts create chaos?<br /> What feelings does chaos elicit in you? How did it feel in the past?<br /> How can we find serenity in the midst of chaos?<br /> Which steps particularly apply / are helpful?<br /> Which Al-Anon slogans and other tools can help?<br /> Thoughts about living with chaos in the upcoming holidays? The Recovery Show full false 1:48:22 Setting Boundaries without Controlling – Episode 44 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/#comments Mon, 07 Oct 2013 04:10:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2481 Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/setting-boundaries-without-controlling-episode-44/feed/ 5 Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? We talk about setting boundaries without controlling. Do you struggle with setting boundaries? Does it feel like you are trying to control someone else when you set a boundary? Does your loved one accuse you of trying to control them? Do you have trouble following through with appropriate consequences when your boundaries are violated? Then today’s show is for you. We’re going to talk about setting boundaries without controlling.<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer, and special guest Jonah shared our experience guided by these questions:<br /> <br /> What is your understanding of the concept of “boundary”? Why do we want/ need to set boundaries in the first place?<br /> Before you came into the program, how did you try to “protect yourself” from others’ actions?<br /> How do you determine if your words/ actions are controlling?<br /> What is my motivation? Am I trying to protect my own emotional, spiritual, mental or physical serenity or safety? Or am I trying to tell the other person's what to do (or not do)?<br /> How am I saying it? Am I setting limits on what I will accept, or am I trying to "cause" a particular outcome? Are my statements "I centered" or "you centered"?<br /> How am I specifying the boundary? Is it something that the other person can "see", or would they have to "read my mind"?<br /> Have I set consequences that I can enforce? that I will be willing to enforce?<br /> Do you have an experience of your attempt to set boundaries when that was received as controlling?<br /> Why is it important to you to set boundaries? The Recovery Show full false 1:47:13 The 3 A’s – Awareness, Acceptance, Action – Episode 43 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/#comments Tue, 01 Oct 2013 06:05:31 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2455 Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action?  Join Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli as we talk...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/10/3-awareness-acceptance-action-episode-43/feed/ 1 Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action? Do you think you have to fix something as soon as you become aware of it? Do you find yourself springing into action even before you know what the problem is? Is it difficult to know if you've fully accepted something as a cue to take action? Join Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli as we talk about "the 3 A's", which are awareness, acceptance, and action.<br /> <br /> We try to address these questions in our discussion.<br /> <br /> Briefly, what is your initial definition of the 3 A’s--how do they work for you?<br /> Do you think it’s important to work the 3 A’s in the order they were written? Why?<br /> Do the 3 A’s help to prevent you from taking “unnecessary” action?<br /> Are there any other al-anon tools that, for you, get grouped into the 3 A’s (patience, pause button, meditation, staying in the moment, etc?)<br /> Do the 3 A’s have anything to do with faith?<br /> Is it possible to know exactly when you have reached acceptance and can move into action?<br /> Mark, in the chat room, contributed a 4th "A": anxiety. We are all in for the 4 A's: "Anxiety, Awareness, Acceptance, Action". The Recovery Show full false 1:49:33 Living Rich, Full Lives in Recovery – Episode 42 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/#respond Mon, 23 Sep 2013 04:40:45 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2410 Does a life in recovery sound limiting? Are you unsure what activities, events, etc from your previous life will fit into your new life of recovery? Does living a rich full life sound selfish when your loved ones are still suffering from addiction? What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/living-rich-full-lives-recovery-episode-42/feed/ 0 What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your own life today? Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha try to answer these questions and others as we talk about living rich, full lives in recovery. Does a life in recovery sound limiting? Are you unsure what activities, events, etc from your previous life will fit into your new life of recovery? Does living a rich full life sound selfish when your loved ones are still suffering from addiction? What tools have your learned that allow you to fully live your own life today? Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha try to answer these questions and others as we talk about living rich, full lives in recovery.<br /> <br /> What does “living rich, full lives” mean to you?<br /> Does it mean something different to you today than it did in the past?<br /> What are some tools you use today to ensure that you are living life in a satisfying way?<br /> How do you know when you are living a rich, full life?<br /> What do you see as the spiritual aspects of a rich, full life?<br /> How can changed attitudes contribute to living a rich, full life?<br /> How does your life today differ from your life before recovery? Some aspects of life to consider include:<br /> Activities<br /> Relationships with partners, friends, family, co-workers, etc.<br /> Spiritual practices<br /> Emotional life<br /> Intellectual life<br /> Do you see your life today as rich and full? As richer and fuller than it has been in times past? What do you still want to add (or take away) to improve your life? The Recovery Show full false 1:38:53 Vulnerability – Episode 41 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/#comments Mon, 16 Sep 2013 04:10:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2375 Do you fear that being vulnerable with your loved ones will be perceived as a sign of weakness? Do you tend to avoid discussing your own feelings? Do you try to cover up your flaws? Do you often take other people's inventory? Brené Brown says “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage”. What do...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/vulnerability-episode-41/feed/ 2 Do you fear that being vulnerable will be seen as a sign of weakness? Do you avoid discussing your own feelings? We talk about vulnerability today. Do you fear that being vulnerable with your loved ones will be perceived as a sign of weakness? Do you tend to avoid discussing your own feelings? Do you try to cover up your flaws? Do you often take other people's inventory?<br /> Brené Brown says “vulnerability is our most accurate measure of courage”. What do you think about this? Do you gain trust when someone else is vulnerable? Stick with us as we talk about vulnerability.<br /> <br /> What is vulnerability?<br /> How do you feel about being vulnerable? What is your fear around it?<br /> How is this different from how you felt about vulnerability before the program?<br /> Do you think being vulnerable is good? Why?<br /> Does others’ vulnerability increase your trust in them?<br /> Do you find that others trust you more when you exhibit vulnerability?<br /> How do you exhibit vulnerability in your day to day life?<br /> How has recovery helped you to be more vulnerable?<br /> Google Voice mail from Christina (9/10)<br /> When you are vulnerable today, do you just never get hurt?<br /> How do you handle pain and disappointment while remaining vulnerable?<br /> How do you know when you’re avoiding vulnerability?<br /> Should you always be vulnerable or only around certain people or in certain situations? Why or why not? The Recovery Show full false 1:37:42 Step 9, Amends – Episode 40 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/#respond Tue, 10 Sep 2013 05:36:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2348 Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states “Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.” Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha share their experience, strength, and hope with Step 9, guided and inspired by questions such as these: Have you...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/step-9-episode-40/feed/ 0 Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others." Join us as we discuss the power and potential of Step 9, which states "Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others."<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha share their experience, strength, and hope with Step 9, guided and inspired by questions such as these:<br /> <br /> Have you worked Step 9 yet? If so, give a brief explanation of your experience.<br /> What are the different types of amends you are aware of (living, direct, etc).<br /> Which have you practiced?<br /> Can you describe an example of each?<br /> If you have made direct amends, how did you do it? Where? When? What did you say? What did you not say?<br /> How do you know which type of amends to give to each person on your Step 8 list? [Spencer: “... direct amends … wherever possible” seems pretty clear]<br /> What is a self-amends?<br /> Did you make an amends to yourself? If so, how?<br /> Why is making an amends to yourself important?<br /> Did you make an amends to your Higher Power? Why?<br /> How do you know when you’re ready to give amends to someone?<br /> What happens if you have someone on your list that you just don’t feel ready to make an amend to? Can you move on to Step 10 or do you have to “complete” Step 9 first?<br /> How has making amends changed your life?<br /> What is the difference between an amend and an apology? The Recovery Show full false 1:30:35 Self Care – Episode 39 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/#comments Sun, 01 Sep 2013 04:10:18 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2274 Do you find yourself often running low on sleep? Do you miss meals because you’re too busy? Do you ever neglect your own basic needs in order to take care of someone else? Well, then this is the episode for you because today’s topic is “Self Care”! Kelli, Spencer and special guest host Jonah talk...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/09/self-care-episode-39/feed/ 1 Do you find yourself running low on sleep? miss meals because you’re busy? neglect your own needs to take care of someone else? Let's talk about self care! Do you find yourself often running low on sleep? Do you miss meals because you’re too busy? Do you ever neglect your own basic needs in order to take care of someone else? Well, then this is the episode for you because today’s topic is “Self Care”!<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer and special guest host Jonah talk about their experience, strength and hope, as prompted by questions such as these:<br /> <br /> What is self care? Does it only mean eating enough and sleeping enough?<br /> Why is self care important?<br /> What did self care mean to you before the program?<br /> How did that affect the way you interacted with others?<br /> What does self care mean to you now?<br /> How has that affected your relationships?<br /> Now that you’re in program and working on self care, does that mean your self care always comes first no matter what the needs of the other person are?<br /> Has your definition of self care changed as time has passed? The Recovery Show full false 1:45:26 Sibling round table – Episode 38 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/#comments Mon, 26 Aug 2013 04:01:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2229 Today, we’re doing another roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. We ask them questions such as the following:   If your sibling started drinking in the home when you were a minor, how did that affect your relationship with them growing up?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/sibling-round-table-episode-38/feed/ 1 A roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. A roundtable episode with siblings of alcoholics and addicts. Jane and Rick share their experience growing up with alcoholic brothers. The Recovery Show full false 50:27 Juggling vs. Balance – Episode 37 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/#respond Mon, 19 Aug 2013 04:41:07 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2185 Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Do you struggle with too much to do and not enough time to do it all? Then this episode is for you, as we...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/juggling-vs-balance-episode-37/feed/ 0 Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Then this episode is for you, as we talk about juggling vs balance. Do you sometimes feel that you’re trying to keep too many balls in the air at once? Do you hear people talk about a balanced life and wonder what they mean? Do you struggle with too much to do and not enough time to do it all? Then this episode is for you, as Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha talk about juggling vs balance. The Recovery Show full false 1:27:41 Self Acceptance and Self Esteem – Episode 36 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/#respond Tue, 13 Aug 2013 06:06:34 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2084 Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others?  Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. We share our experience, strength, and hope around questions such as these: What is...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/self-acceptance-and-self-esteem-episode-36/feed/ 0 Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others? Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. Do you often judge yourself? Do you internalize the criticism of others? Are you afraid they are right? Are you unable to like yourself? Then listen as Swetha, Spencer, and special guest host Erika talk about self acceptance and self esteem. The Recovery Show full false 1:29:21 Step 8 – Episode 35 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/#respond Mon, 05 Aug 2013 05:36:58 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=2044 If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Keep listening as we discuss STEP 8. Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha share our own...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/08/step-8-episode-35/feed/ 0 If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Listen as we discuss STEP 8. If you are struggling with guilt and resentment over your actions in the past… If you aren’t ready to make amends to someone… If you think that you deserve an amends before you make one… You’ve come to the right place. Keep listening as we discuss STEP 8.<br /> <br /> Kelli, Spencer, and Swetha share our own experiences with Step 8, as we try to address these questions and others:<br /> <br /> How do you decide if you have “harmed” someone? (what was the act? why did we do it? What were the consequences?)<br /> Have you made a list? How did you go about it? (use your 4th step?)<br /> How do you “become willing” to make amends?<br /> What if there are people you are not willing to make amends to?<br /> Can you be willing to become willing?<br /> What about people who owe you amends?<br /> Did you make it onto your list? Why is it important to include yourself?<br /> What is the difference between willingness and actually making the amends?<br /> What part does honesty play in this process?<br /> Did you review your list with anyone before planning amends? Did they make any suggestions to you? What did/ could you learn from them?<br /> Does your HP get included in this step? The Recovery Show full false 1:46:04 One Day at a Time – Episode 34 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/#respond Sun, 28 Jul 2013 04:01:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1989 Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you take care of yourself by living “One Day at a Time”? How do we understand this slogan as a tool for caring for ourselves? What does “one day at a time” mean? We find...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/one-day-at-a-time-episode-34/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you live “One Day at a Time”? Do you find yourself spending too much time worrying? Do you fear the future or resent the past? How can you live “One Day at a Time”?<br /> <br /> How do we understand this slogan as a tool for caring for ourselves? What does “one day at a time” mean? We find that it has several faces. It can mean living in the moment, not missing, and enjoying what is happening now. It can mean putting aside worrying about tomorrow and resenting yesterday. We can also use it when we are in a difficult situation, reminding ourselves that we can make it through today, or this hour, or maybe this minute, even if we cannot envision living with it “forever.” The Recovery Show full false 1:25:14 Compassion – Episode 33 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/#comments Sun, 21 Jul 2013 11:15:04 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1943 Do you find yourself getting easily impatient with others? Do you feel judgemental towards someone no matter how hard you try to let go? Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? Are you having trouble finding compassion for yourself? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer talk about their understanding of...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/compassion-episode-33/feed/ 2 Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? For yourself? How has compassion worked in our recovery? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer share our understanding and experience. Having trouble finding compassion for the alcoholics and addicts in your life? For yourself? How has compassion worked in our recovery? Listen as Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer share our understanding and experience. The Recovery Show full false 1:32:20 Sponsorship Round Table – Episode 32 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/#comments Tue, 16 Jul 2013 12:12:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1915 If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Then keep listening as hosts Mark, of Recovered, and Kelli, of The Recovery Show, lead a joint round table about sponsorship. In this conversation...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/sponsorship-round-table-episode-32/feed/ 2 If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Mark and Kelli lead a round table about sponsorship with Jason, Russ, Spencer, and Swetha. If you just want to do recovery all by yourself… If having a sponsor sounds frightening… If you’d like to have a sponsor, but you don’t know how to get one… Then keep listening as hosts Mark, of Recovered, and Kelli, of The Recovery Show, lead a joint round table about sponsorship. In this conversation with Mark and Kelli are Jason, Russ, Spencer, and Swetha.<br /> <br /> Our round table was sparked by a voice mail from Bronte in Australia. She leads us into questions such as: What is Sponsorship? Why is it important? What to look for? What to watch out for? How do you develop trust? How do you get a sponsor?<br /> <br /> Joe, from California, asks about changing sponsors. He wonders about questions like: Does changing sponsors mean giving up on the program? Is changing sponsors a bad thing? What might be a bad reason for changing a sponsor? May a newcomer change sponsors?<br /> <br /> We also hear from Liz, in Florida, who recently changed her sponsor, raising these questions: How do you know when to change sponsors? What if you are not clicking with your sponsor? How do you break up with a sponsor?<br /> <br /> During our discussion, we talk about our experiences being sponsored and sponsoring others in our fellowships. We address questions like these: How does sponsorship help the sponsor? Can any member be a sponsor? How do you get a sponsee? When is a member ready for sponsorship responsibility? What does a sponsor do and not do? What if you are asked for advice? Is there any one best way of sponsoring a newcomer? Is it possible to get too attached to a sponsee?<br /> <br /> This is also episode 426 of Recovered. The Recovery Show full false 1:24:43 Step 7 – Episode 31 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/#comments Tue, 09 Jul 2013 04:37:47 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1854 What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects? Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. We explore our understandings of the word “humbly”. It can mean that we accept ourselves as we are,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/07/step-7-episode-31/feed/ 1 What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects? Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. What is humility? How do we ask God to remove our shortcomings? Are they really defects?<br /> <br /> Listen as Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli, back together at last, talk about Step 7, Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. The Recovery Show full false 1:30:12 Program in the workplace – Episode 30 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/#respond Mon, 01 Jul 2013 02:57:53 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1777 How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers? Swetha, Kelli, and Mary share their experiences with these questions and others. Anne H. and Spencer...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/program-in-the-workplace-episode-30/feed/ 0 How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers? Swetha, Kelli, How do you use your program in the workplace? Do you have a hard time setting boundaries at work? Do you find yourself staying late even though it affects your self-care? Can you deal effectively with your difficult co-workers?<br /> <br /> Swetha, Kelli, and Mary share their experiences with these questions and others. The Recovery Show full false 1:16:50 Progress, not Perfection – Episode 29 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/#comments Mon, 24 Jun 2013 06:51:16 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1737 Today, we’re going to talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Ever just want to give up because perfection just seems too hard to achieve, so why bother? Ever feel like the strides you do take forward just aren’t good enough? Join Kelli, Swetha, and...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/progress-not-perfection-episode-29/feed/ 1 Today,we talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Progress is achievable, perfection is not. Join Kelli, Swetha, and special guest Wendy for this journey. Today, we’re going to talk about progress, not perfection. Ever feel like no matter how much you try, you fall short? Ever just want to give up because perfection just seems too hard to achieve, so why bother? Ever feel like the strides you do take forward just aren’t good enough? Join Kelli, Swetha, and special guest Wendy for this journey. The Recovery Show full false 1:18:57 Step 6 – Episode 28 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/#respond Sun, 16 Jun 2013 19:51:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1670 Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? How can we become ready to have them removed? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest host...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/step-6-episode-28/feed/ 0 Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? Step 6 says “[We] were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.” What are “defects of character.” What does “entirely ready” mean? How do we become entirely ready? What if we like some of our defects? How can we become ready to have them removed? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest host Melissa talk about these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of Step 6. The Recovery Show full false 1:17:11 Anonymity – Episode 27 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/#comments Sun, 09 Jun 2013 22:37:28 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1615 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? Does it mean that we actively hide our identity? Is it about only sharing our first name (and initial?) Or is there something deeper here? What can we share about ourselves?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/anonymity-episode-27/feed/ 6 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? 027-anonymity-therecoveryshow.mp3 Our 12th Tradition says “Anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions…” Why is anonymity important? What does it mean to be anonymous? Does it mean that we actively hide our identity? Is it about only sharing our first name (and initial?) Or is there something deeper here? What can we share about ourselves? What can we share about other people in our lives? And especially, what can we share about the alcoholics and addicts whose behavior has so deeply affected our lives? The Recovery Show full false 1:11:57 Our First Meetings – Episode 26 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/#respond Mon, 03 Jun 2013 08:02:17 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1550 What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen? Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha, along with 7 other Al-Anon members talk...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/06/our-first-meetings-episode-26/feed/ 0 What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen? What it was like when we first came to Al-Anon? What do we remember about our first meeting? Did it “click” right away or did it take some time? When did we realize that the program was right for us? How did that happen?<br /> <br /> Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha, along with 7 other Al-Anon members talk about their first meeting, or meetings, and how they came to believe that they could find help in Al-Anon. For some of us, the first meeting was transformational and enlightening. Others of us just didn’t get it at first. Listen to our stories, and we think you will find something to identify with, and hopefully something to keep you coming back. The Recovery Show full false 1:27:40 Sponsorship – Episode 25 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/#comments Mon, 27 May 2013 04:36:02 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1496 At my Home group meeting, we say “in this program, we encourage sponsorship.” What does that mean? What is a sponsor? Why would you want one? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? What is it like to be a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? Spencer,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/sponsorship-episode-25/feed/ 5 What is sponsorship? Why would you want a sponsor? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? What is sponsorship? Why would you want a sponsor? How can a sponsor help you? How do you get a sponsor? How does being a sponsor help your program? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Lynn discuss these and more. The Recovery Show full false 1:14:12 This Too Shall Pass – Episode 24 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/#respond Tue, 21 May 2013 03:41:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1457 Have you ever been caught up in a situation? Have you ever found yourself easily dismissing happy situations? Have you ever found yourself feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? Kelli, Swetha and guest host Patrick talk about it. We often think of “this too shall...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/this-too-shall-pass-episode-24/feed/ 0 Do you find yourself dismissing happy situations? … feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? Do you find yourself dismissing happy situations? … feeling hopeless about a difficult situation? Do you find yourself wondering if this too shall pass? The Recovery Show full false 47:38 Step 5 – Confession? – Episode 23 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/#respond Mon, 13 May 2013 04:40:49 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1420 Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. A common reaction to approaching Step 5 for the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/step-5-confession-episode-23/feed/ 0 Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. Step 5 says that we “Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs”. Why is this important? What were our fears and concerns? What was our experience? Join Spencer, Kelli and Swetha for a discussion of this step. The Recovery Show full false 1:14:07 Parents roundtable – Episode 22 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/#comments Fri, 03 May 2013 05:33:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1364 In this episode, we are talking with parents who have found support and recovery. Some have children who are still actively drinking or drugging, while some of their children have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. Their children may be teens or adults. They will share their experience, strength, and hope with us...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/05/parents-roundtable-episode-22/feed/ 3 We talk with parents who have found support and recovery. Some of their children are still drinking or drugging, some have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. We talk with parents who have found support and recovery. Some of their children are still drinking or drugging, some have found recovery, and some struggle with mental illness. The Recovery Show full false 1:09:50 Easy Does It – Episode 21 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/#respond Mon, 29 Apr 2013 05:47:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1347 “Easy does it.” What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Dayana talk about this slogan. This slogan can remind us that complicated solutions are often forced, or that it’s time to pause and take it easy for a moment, to wait...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/easy-does-it-episode-21/feed/ 0 Easy does it. What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Easy does it. What does this slogan say to you? Can you use it to make your life easier? Swetha, Spencer and special guest Dayana talk about it. The Recovery Show full false 1:09:16 Forcing Solutions – Episode 20 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/#comments Mon, 22 Apr 2013 03:14:12 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1301 “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/forcing-solutions-episode-20/feed/ 1 “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope. “… our thinking becomes distorted by trying to force solutions.” What does it mean to force a solution? When do we try to force solutions? How do we try to force solutions? We discuss these questions and others, sharing our experience, strength and hope. The Recovery Show full false 1:19:35 Gratitude – Episode 19 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/#comments Mon, 15 Apr 2013 04:41:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1203 How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”? Special guest hosts Kate and Patrick join Swetha and Spencer to talk about these questions, and about their experience finding gratitude,...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/gratitude-episode-19/feed/ 1 How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”? How do we feel gratitude? Can gratitude help get you through a hard time? Is it something you can choose? Does finding gratitude make your problems go away? What is an “Attitude of Gratitude”?<br /> The Recovery Show full false 1:15:17 Step 4 – doing the inventory – Episode 18 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/#comments Sun, 07 Apr 2013 21:57:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1180 Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? Kelli, Erika, and Spencer talk about our experience, strength, and hope around Step 4. Kelli...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/04/step-4-made-a-searching-and-fearless-moral-inventory-of-ourselves-episode-18/feed/ 4 Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? Step 4 states “[We] took a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.” What were our first impressions? What did we fear? What did we find? What was our experience of working Step 4? How has it enhanced our lives? The Recovery Show full false 1:27:52 Trusting the process – Episode 17 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/#comments Sun, 31 Mar 2013 21:48:55 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1138 What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. We welcome special guest Anne H to the podcast. At the beginning, the...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/trusting-the-process-episode-17/feed/ 6 What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. What does it mean to “trust the process?” What is “the process?” Is it meetings? The Steps? Working with a sponsor? Reading the literature? Swetha, Spencer, and special guest Anne H share our experience, strength, and hope on these questions and others. The Recovery Show full false 1:16:26 Blame – Episode 16 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/#respond Mon, 25 Mar 2013 04:22:33 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1099 We talk about blame — how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/blame-episode-16/feed/ 0 We talk about blame -- how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and tools we can use to move past blaming. We talk about blame -- how we blame others, how we take blame on ourselves and how we can move past blaming. We have learned that blaming is often a result of black and white thinking, and that we can have healthier relationships when we can look at our part in a conflict realistically, rather than assuming that one party must be totally at fault. Understanding that most people are doing the best they can most of the time lets us detach from, forgive, or accept others behavior rather than blaming them for what they did “to us.” The Recovery Show full false 1:06:18 Asking for Help – Episode 15 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/#respond Mon, 18 Mar 2013 04:12:20 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=1062 We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/asking-for-help-episode-15/feed/ 0 We talk about asking for help. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained as much as we did by being asked? We talk about asking for help. When we came in, we did not have experience asking for help in a healthy way. We didn’t want to impose on people we barely knew, we still thought we could do it ourselves. How did we come to understand that reaching out was not weakness, that others gained as much as we did by being asked, and that asking for help did not mean giving up? How do we feel and respond when someone asks us for help and support? The Recovery Show full false 1:15:11 Step 3: turning it over – Episode 14 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/#respond Mon, 11 Mar 2013 03:19:06 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=964 Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. How do we understand and use it in our lives?

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/step-3-turning-it-over-episode-14/feed/ 0 Step 3, Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God. How do we understand and use it in our lives? Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about our experience and understanding of Step 3, “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.” Spencer kicks off the discussion by with his initial problem with that step. He did not grow up with an image of a God that he was willing to turn his life over to. Kelli’s initial reaction was “how can I get around this step?” Swetha also talks about her disbelief in the God of her parents. We all wanted to retain control of our lives.<br /> <br /> The question then arose, how did we get around our resistance to Step 3? Spencer points out that the step talks about turning our lives over to the care of our higher power, which he took to mean that he could agree to accept the guidance of his Higher Power or not. He also came to an understanding of a loving God, to whom it was much easier to conceive of turning his will and his life over. For Kelli, the key was to have an honest completion of Step 2, to recognize that her Higher Power could restore her to sanity. Another help was to listen to others share at meetings about how step 3 worked in their lives. Swetha suggests that she was almost working Step 3 out of spite, to “show” us that it would not work for her! She shares a story where she turned a “little” thing over, and had a good outcome. Experiences like that helped her to accept Step 3 in her life.<br /> <br /> How do we hear the voice of our Higher Power in our daily lives? Spencer relates a story where he heard that “still, small voice” that guided him to a good outcome in a conflict he was having with his wife. More frequently, he needs to reach out by going to a meeting, or by calling his sponsor or another Al-Anon friend. Kelli commonly hears her Higher Power through other people, and finds prayer and meditation helpful. She spent the previous week travelling for business with her husband, a situation in which she needed to call on her Higher Power for help, and was happy that she could. Swetha sends multi-page texts to her sponsor when she needs help. Frequently, she finds that by just writing out her problem, she finds a solution. Just the act of asking for help can be sufficient to get the guidance she needs.<br /> <br /> Spencer had been at a workshop, Loving Sober, the day before. The presenter said that his only responsibility in his relationship was to “see his partner as the expression of God that she is.” For Spencer, this illuminated another aspect of really accepting God into his life. That is, that everybody is part of, and an expression of God. If he is to turn his will and live over to the care of his Higher Power, he must work to see other people as God sees them, and when he can do that, he can let go of his resentments and expectations, and to love them. <br /> <br /> Swetha grew up in a mixed religious environment and felt surrounded by it, and couldn’t run away from it, so she started taking what she liked and left the rest. It turns out that a lot of the things she took were things we talk about in Al-Anon. She reflects on coming to trust other people, very gradually, in the program, breaking through her fear of vulnerability. She thinks she felt the same about developing a relationship with her higher power. As that relationship developed, she started reconnecting with what she had learned in her childhood.<br /> <br /> We end with a letter from a friend who grew up in relation with a loving God. When she came into Al-Anon, she felt that Step 3 was a “gimme” for her. But later, she found that she was having issues that needed a “3rd step” solution. She uses the AA 3rd step prayer to turn over her life to God daily, just “getting out of God’s way.” The Recovery Show full false 1:04:33 Shame – Episode 13 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/#comments Sun, 03 Mar 2013 21:50:09 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=909 Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/03/shame-episode-13/feed/ 4 Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. Spencer, Swetha, and guest host Nic talk about shame – what it is, how we feel it, how we used to deal with it, and how we deal with it in recovery. We start by looking at the difference between shame and guilt. When we do something wrong, we feel guilt, and we can deal with it by making amends. When we feel shame, the message we are hearing is “I am a bad person”. We react to shame by hiding it and internalizing it and stuffing it down. We feel that we are not worthy, and that we will lose our friends, be ostracized if we reveal the thing that caused us to feel shameful. <br /> <br /> Spencer refers to a TED talk (“Listening to Shame”) by Brené Brown, where she says that shame “plays two tapes”. The first is “you’re not good enough”. The second is “who do you think you are?” We all identify with these messages. Swetha reflects that when she gets a compliment, she thinks “Oh! I fooled them! If they only knew the real me, they wouldn’t say that.” Nic hears “you’re never good enough”, that she could never live up to expectations.<br /> <br /> One source of our shame is self-judgement, where we judge ourselves more stringently than we judge the people around us. A big part of that is comparing our insides to other people’s outsides. Spencer reflects on a new role he’s taken on at work, where he continually hears the “who do you think you are?” message, because he is still learning the new skills he needs to do that job up to his own expectations of himself. Nic’s core shame issue is perfectionism. She has felt that “competence equals perfection”, and is trying to learn that “competence equals competence”. Swetha recalls an episode from her childhood, where she came home with a 99.36 grade in her class, with a highly complimentary note from the teacher. Her mother’s first reaction was “where’s the other 0.64%?” Ever after, if she didn’t make 100%, she felt that she was underachieving and not being who she should be.<br /> <br /> Being honest and open is something we learn by example in the program. Swetha’s first reaction to hearing people talking in meetings was “they are so brave!” Her fear, before the first time she did a meeting lead, was “what if I’m too sick and they tell me not to come back?” Her sponsor assured her that the worst that could happen was that we would say “wow, you are really sick, please keep coming back!” She has come to realize that feeling vulnerable, sharing in meetings, doing the podcast, is really a source of strength for her. When others reveal their struggles, their failures, and their fears, it means that we can identify with them, because we have those same struggles, failures, and fears. And that means that maybe we can also identify with their victories and believe that they could come true for us, too.<br /> <br /> How do we move out of shame? By opening ourselves up, by being vulnerable, and by sharing our shameful moments and actions. Because, as Nic notes, shame needs secrecy, silence and judgement to thrive. By breaking through the silence and secrecy in a safe place, one without judgement, we can start to destroy the shame itself. Swetha reflects back to the Al-Anon closing, where we say “you will come to love us in a very special way, the same way we already love you”. She didn’t understand this at first, but now really finds it to be true. As Brené Brown says, “the two most powerful words when we’re in struggle are ‘me too’”. The Recovery Show full false 1:09:40 Detachment – Episode 12 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/#comments Sun, 24 Feb 2013 23:00:38 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=876 Kelli hosts Swetha and Spencer as they share their experience, strength, and hope about detachment. Kelli opens with a reading that links detachment to self-acceptance and self-care. The first time that Spencer heard about detachment was when his uncle told him, “I hear that you’re supposed to ‘detach with love’”. Spencer had NO idea what...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/detachment-episode-12/feed/ 2 What does detachment mean? How can we detach with love? When we do, we get back our lives, and we can live better with everyone around us. Kelli hosts Swetha and Spencer as they share their experience, strength, and hope about detachment. Kelli opens with a reading that links detachment to self-acceptance and self-care. The first time that Spencer heard about detachment was when his uncle told him, “I hear that you’re supposed to ‘detach with love’”. Spencer had NO idea what that meant. He did not understand how he could detach and love at the same time. When she came into AlAnon, Swetha wanted certain people to just be gone from her life. She received a sheet about detachment, which started “Detachment is neither kind nor unkind...” and felt relief. Kelli thought that “detachment” sounded like giving up on a person. <br /> <br /> Kelli relates to a reading that said, if a friend had the flu, we would forgive their inability to meet a commitment, that we could detach the person from their disease and realize that the behavior was a result of the disease. Another reading explains different forms of detachment: Your alcoholic passes out on the front lawn. Detaching with anger, you turn on the sprinkler, then go to bed. Detaching with indifference, you go to bed. Detaching with love, you put a blanket over them, and then go to bed. The outcome for you is the same; the outcome for the alcoholic is very different. Also, the emotional outcome for you is very different<br /> <br /> An important part of detachment for Spencer was to detach the disease from his loved one. With a disease that affects behavior, such as alcoholism, this is often hard. Kelli was familiar with “numb” detachment, growing up. Her response to something she didn’t like was to just shut down and walk away. Later, she swung over to angry, “middle finger” detachment. Now she has some tools she can use, such as calling her sponsor, praying, or just using her “pause button”. Swetha had practice with angry and fearful detachment. She would “suppress, suppress, suppress” then explode. She has come to see that if someone with the flu sneezes, she can move away, or say, “please don’t sneeze on me.” She can do the same with alcoholic behavior.<br /> <br /> A friend in the program used a visual analogy. She said “I was entangled in a relationship with an alcoholic”, holding up her hands clasped, with fingers interlaced, “so whatever happened to him, happened to me,” moving her hands -- as one moved, the other moved with it, willy-nilly. “Loving detachment,” she said, “is more like this,” holding up her hands palm to palm. “We are still close, but if he goes somewhere I don’t want to go,” moving one hand away, “I don’t have to go there with him.” <br /> <br /> A listener had not understood that she did not have to be affected by someone else’s actions. In Al-Anon, she learned that she has a choice whether to feel others’ feelings or to be involved in others’ problems. Learning that we are not responsible for other people’s feelings was difficult, but so important to our recovery. A tool we can use to detach is to remember not to “pick up the rope.” It takes two people to engage in a tug of war, and if we decline to pick up the rope, the conflict can be defused or avoided.<br /> <br /> When we practice detachment, we are able to attend to our own needs and take care of ourselves, which can also make us better partners and more pleasant to live with. Kelli can be so focused on the other person that she forgets what else she needs to do. By detaching, Swetha stops feeling like a victim and feels more connected to her higher power and to serenity. Being able practice loving detachment enabled Spencer to stay in a loving relationship with his loved one as her disease progressed. Even in sobriety, we need to practice detachment, as Kelli relates, that when alcoholic behavior surfaced (without the alcohol), she did not follow her “normal” reaction, which would have been to just walk away. She is grateful that she could stay connected in detachment.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 52:59 Enabling – Episode 11 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/#respond Mon, 18 Feb 2013 14:31:22 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=846 Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about enabling. We start by defining our understanding of the term, enabling. Early on, Swetha wondered whether anything nice she did for someone was enabling. Her sponsor helped her by giving her this definition: “getting between someone and the consequences of their choices or actions.” Kelli also had this confusion....

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/enabling-episode-11/feed/ 0 We discuss enabling. What is it? What harm does it do? How can we stop enabling, while still helping? We share our experiences about enabling and not. Swetha, Spencer, and Kelli talk about enabling. We start by defining our understanding of the term, enabling. Early on, Swetha wondered whether anything nice she did for someone was enabling. Her sponsor helped her by giving her this definition: “getting between someone and the consequences of their choices or actions.” Kelli also had this confusion. Her codependency had distorted her thinking so that she always thought she was being helpful, whether she was really just being nice, or she was enabling. The concept of enabling did not come naturally to her, because of the codependency in her family growing up. Spencer is pretty sure he had no idea what “enabling” meant before coming to the program. If he drove to the store to buy more wine, so that his loved one would not be driving drunk, he thought he was doing a good thing, even though he might have resented doing it at the same time. He struggled with the difference between enabling and keeping his family safe, at times.<br /> <br /> When Swetha was growing up, she thought that preventing others from feeling the consequences of their actions was just being loving and caring for them. She shared some stories about doing things for the people she loved, and what the consequences were for her when her efforts were not appreciated. Kelli suggests that enabling is often tied to a desire to control the some outcome. She also sees that when she is being an enabler, she prevents the other person from being able to take care of themselves, and she also neglects her own self-care. Spencer agrees and adds that enabling also denies the other person’s dignity by implying that they cannot take care of their own stuff.<br /> <br /> Mark called to ask us for our comments on where parental responsibilities end, and where enabling or codependent behavior begins. Spencer responds by recounting an experience where his 20-year old son had a problem with some relatively severe consequences. Spencer flew out to support his son as he dealt with the things he had to deal with, to provide the things, such as a hotel room and transportation, that his son was not able to provide for himself. Spencer feels that he was supporting, not enabling, in that experience. He also talks about how he was not able to set hard boundaries when his children were younger – he was not willing to follow through with the consequences of the boundaries being broken. Kelli relates the experience of a young relative of hers who gets “kicked out” of her home when she uses, but then when she gets in trouble, she can come back home. She things that her relative is not learning from her experience, because she knows it will never get too bad, that she has a safe place to return to. Swetha talks about “rescuing” her sister from academic overload, time and time again. She got resentful, especially when it seemed that her sister just wanted someone else to do her homework. She was able to set a boundary, that she would not do her sister’s homework, that she was willing to sit down and help her, but also not at the last minute. She needed to do that for her own sanity.<br /> <br /> Spencer asks whether we might expect that if we stop enabling, then our loved one will start to feel consequences, and as a result will change their behavior. Do we need to guard against such expectations?<br /> <br /> Sometimes when we set a boundary about not enabling, we might need to move it. Spencer had decided that he was not going to continue to wake his kids up in the morning and drive them to school – that they needed to figure out how to do that on their own or suffer the consequences of being late. Eventually, his son came and asked for help, because he had been getting detentions for being tardy. Spencer said he would wake him once, what time should he do that? In that way, he was able to provide the help that was asked for, without feeling that he was enabling. Kelli has a story about doing the dishes – her husband was not doing t... The Recovery Show full false 58:21 What is Al-Anon? – Episode 10 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/#respond Mon, 11 Feb 2013 04:34:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=767 Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli talk about their experience with Al-Anon, attempting to address the question “What is Al-Anon?” We start by talking about what brought us to the program. Swetha’s boyfriend suggested the program to her, but she didn’t think at first that she qualified. Kelli’s boyfriend’s sponsor told her that if she was going...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/what-is-al-anon-episode-10/feed/ 0 We try to answer the question "What is Al-Anon?" Why did we come? How has it helped? Why do we stay? Words for someone considering Al-Anon? Spencer, Swetha, and Kelli talk about their experience with Al-Anon, attempting to address the question “What is Al-Anon?” We start by talking about what brought us to the program. Swetha’s boyfriend suggested the program to her, but she didn’t think at first that she qualified. Kelli’s boyfriend’s sponsor told her that if she was going to stay in that relationship she needed to go to Al-Anon. Spencer came into Al-Anon when he realized that his attempts to fix his loved one’s “drinking problem” were making him miserable. He was desperate and figured it might help.<br /> <br /> The Al-Anon preamble states “we believe that alcoholism is a family illness.” We talk about our understanding of this concept. Kelli relates that she can now see the effects of her great-grandfather’s alcoholism on her father, and feels that she learned her co-dependent behavior from him. We develop “coping mechanisms” from dealing with the chaos of active drinking, and we pick up behaviors from the alcoholic as well. Swetha broadens the definition to include friends, because she definitely was affected by alcoholic friends.<br /> <br /> We talk some about the relationship between Al-Anon and AA and the differences. The 12 steps are almost identical between the two programs, with only one word in Step 12 being different. Spencer’s sponsor has said that he believes that all AA members are automatically qualified for Al-Anon, because they almost always have relatives or friends who are alcoholics. AA members are welcome in Al-Anon as long as they keep the focus on the problems they have around relationships with alcoholics and addicts, rather than on their own addiction. Kelli and Spencer share some of the experience they have had as a sponsor to Al-Anon members who are also in AA. Kelli feels that it’s important for people to have a sponsor in each of their programs.<br /> <br /> Coming to Al-Anon helped us to recover from these effects. Before Spencer came to Al-Anon, he was in denial about his loved one’s alcoholism. Learning more about the disease helped him to break through that denial. A listener wrote to us, “I joke that Al-Anon doesn’t change anything in my life, except the amount of sleep I get.” She concludes “ I use the program to be a better version of myself, to myself, and in my other relationships.” Kelli has learned in Al-Anon that most situations are not just black and white, which she says “freeing and also terrifying.” Swetha used what she has learned in Al-Anon to make it through some devastating news she received this week, and to continue to function and to continue to live without collapsing. At the beginning, Spencer learned how to stop obsessing over his loved one’s actions, and to start to find himself again, to start living his own life again, and to stop being the rageful person he had become.<br /> <br /> Another listener email reminds Kelli that a great thing she learned in the program is that it is OK to ask for help. She used to feel that she had to fix her problems herself, partly from a feeling that nobody would understand. Also feeling that if she couldn’t handle it herself, that meant there was something wrong with her, that she was just weak. In meetings we often have the experience of hearing someone else talk about exactly what is going on in our own heads, sometimes illuminating things that we hadn’t see about ourselves. The honest sharing in our groups lets us know that we are not alone, and that we are not weird. To know that we are only human just like the others in the room. Swetha adds that hearing “her story” from 3 different people gives her 3 different perspectives on herself.<br /> <br /> What would we say to someone who is thinking about Al-Anon, but is hesitant, who maybe doesn’t think they qualify, who isn’t sure why they would want to go? Kelli suggests that you should “just go” and give it a try. At the worst, you waste a few hours. And at the best, you find a better way of living, The Recovery Show full false 1:12:38 Step 2 – A power greater than ourselves – Episode 9 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/#comments Mon, 04 Feb 2013 04:46:30 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=685 Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Spencer talks about the first 3 words of the step: First, he “came”. After some time in Al-Anon, he “came to.” As he started to recover, he “came to believe.” Swetha found it easy...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/02/step-2-episode-9/feed/ 1 Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Spencer talks about the first 3 words of the step: First, he “came”. After some time in Al-Anon, he “came to. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss Step 2: “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Spencer talks about the first 3 words of the step: First, he “came”. After some time in Al-Anon, he “came to.” As he started to recover, he “came to believe.” Swetha found it easy to believe in a power greater than herself, because she was doing a lousy job of taking care of things. For her, a higher power is anything that restores her to sanity, whether it’s a meeting or a sunset. Kelli had no definition of a higher power when she came into the program, and those first three words gave her space and time to find her path.



We move on to discussing our understanding of “a higher power.” Swetha came to understand her higher power as a loving force that she can rely on to help her stay serene and sane. Spencer thinks he resisted coming to a 12-step program because he was unable to accept a judgemental, controlling God. At the beginning, he could accept that the Al-Anon groups were a power greater than himself. He came to free himself of the need to be able to name or picture his higher power, and now he finds God as a loving spirit that manifests in many ways. Kelli agrees that we don’t have put a name or shape on our higher power, and that it made it easier for her to accept Step 2.







Kelli asks whether it’s possible for an atheist to be in the program and to work the steps. Spencer suggests that the answer is “yes,” if we can detach “higher power” from the traditional “God” idea. One friend in the program finds his higher power in his dog — his dog loves him unconditionally and lives in the moment. Swetha was a “hard-core atheist” when she entered the program, at least partly because she was rejecting a judgemental God. For her, Step 2 was easy because she saw it as not about finding God—it was about finding a power different from herself that could lead her to sanity. She says it’s a spiritual program. It’s about finding connections between her and everything else. Kelli suggests reading the “agnostics” chapter in the AA big book.



What is sanity? What is insanity? Kelli defines sanity as not being anxious or stressed out, and “staying in her own hula hoop.” When she focusses on herself and not on trying to control other people, her life is more sane. For Swetha, it is being aware of who she is, regardless of what is going on around her, or what other people are saying and doing. Spencer’s insanity often takes the form of “circular thinking”—running the same (negative) thoughts over and over, like a hamster on a wheel running and running and never getting anywhere and being unable to get off. He needs to get off, and contact with his higher power helps him to do that. He is trying to figure out what what it means to pray. He knows it’s not “Please, God, give me a pony!”



Kelli reminds us that by incorporating prayer and meditation into her daily routine, it makes them much easier to turn to in times of trouble. Swetha is able to incorporate prayer and meditation into her life, pausing and retreating into a quiet place when she needs a moment to “be still and know that I am with you.”



Our topic for next week will be “What is Al-Anon?” We would really like to get as many voices as we can for this discussion. Add your thoughts to the conversation, tell us what Al-Anon means for you. Call 734-707-8795 and leave a voice mail, or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com. We will play your voice message or read your email into the show.



Music from the show





Eric Clapton – Presence Of The Lord





Emeli Sandé – Next To me






]]> The Recovery Show full false 1:00:45 Resentment – Episode 8 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/#comments Mon, 28 Jan 2013 07:36:37 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=608 We discuss resentment. How do we understand it? How does it affect us? How do we recognize resentment? What tools have we learned to deal with it?

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/resentment-episode-8/feed/ 2 We discuss resentment. How do we understand it? How does it affect us? How do we recognize resentment? What tools have we learned to deal with it? Swetha, Liz, and Spencer discuss resentments. We find some commonality in defining resentments as anger over something that happened in the past. Sometimes it’s “righteous indignation” about someone else’s behavior, about some injury that someone else did to us.



Mark calls in and asks whether we have had resentments against AA, maybe about the time our loved ones spend in meetings or treatment. Liz had huge resentments, because her loved one was “never” home. After about 4 months, she asked him, “now that your 90 days are over, do you still have to go to a meeting every day?” Spencer talks about his resentment towards a local treatment program that wouldn’t allow him to talk to his loved one while she was there.







How do we handle resentments? Swetha uses an inventory as a tool to see what is involved in the resentment while also being gentle with herself, and to formulate a plan of action for dealing with it if it recurs. Liz sees that many of her resentments are against people who treated her in a way that feeds into her own insecurities. She finds that addressing those feelings in a healthy way with the other person helps to reduce or remove the resentment. Spencer find that many of his resentments are not about reality but are about his expectations of how someone will act or react in the future. He can deal with those by stating his needs and desires, and finding that the response is not what he expected it to be. Sometimes the best thing is just to get “out of his own head”.



Liz finds that physical activity is a great way to release anger and resentments. Yoga is a favorite activity of both Liz and Swetha, especially since it also includes some meditation. Spencer remarks that much of his anger comes out of fear of some sort. When he can identify the fear, then he can let go of the anger more easily. Sometimes he is “living in the wreckage of the future.” Liz follows up that she can be resentful over past behavior that is actually no longer happening, and recognizing that it isn’t happening is good for her. Sometimes she has to get past her anger of the moment before she can come around to the “healthy thinking”. Her tools include talking to someone else, spending time with her pet, or doing some sort of “mindless” activity. Swetha uses a “time out” tool to help get through her anger.



Liz gave us a quote attributed to Rumi, “And still, after all this time, the Sun has never said to the Earth,‘You owe me.’ Look what happens with love like that. It lights up the sky.” Sometimes our resentments arise from a feeling of being “owed.” Spencer finds this feeling of love without obligation in Al-Anon meetings. Liz talks about writing a “gratitude essay” to recognize all the positive things in a relationship, to get out of her negative, resentful thinking. Gratitude can be “the anti-resentment”.



Next week's topic will be Step 2, which states “[We] came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.” Please share your questions or experience with this step by voice  (734) 707-8795 or email (feedback@therecoveryshow.com).



Music from the show





Carrie Underwood – Before He Cheats



As promised, here are two versions of The Grudge by Tool. The first just has the song. The second uses the song as the soundtrack for an animated short called “The Backwater Gospel.” It is somewhat disturbing.





Tool – The Grudge




https://youtu.be/EB-382bz9p0




Finally, another great “resentment” song that we didn't have room to include — Forget You by Cee Lo...]]> The Recovery Show full false 58:21 Letting Go – Episode 7 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/#comments Fri, 18 Jan 2013 05:03:42 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=547 In this podcast, Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go as a path to serenity and happiness. But if we do, to whom are we letting go?

The post Letting Go – Episode 7 appeared first on The Recovery Show.

]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/letting-go-episode-7/feed/ 4 In this podcast, Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go as a path to serenity and happiness. But if we do, to whom are we letting go? Spencer, Mark, and Swetha discuss letting go. We talk about how we were or weren’t able to let go of things in our life before we came to the program. Spencer identified the slogan “Let go and let God” as a tool that he could adopt early on. At first he could only use “Let go”. He kept telling himself to “Let go” when he was tempted to try to control his loved one’s drinking. Mark shared that, before he entered the program, he did a lot of “letting go” — letting go of his needs and responsibilities, really letting go of almost everything other than his attempts to control his son’s drinking. His fear for his son overwhelmed him, and all he could do was try to control. Swetha “let go” of everything that didn’t happen the way she thought it should and that she couldn’t control, ignoring and denying unwanted reality, or else accepting defeat. Mark agreed that he was also letting go of reality, because he couldn’t face it.
After she started working the program, she began to understand that accepting reality, letting go of unrealistic expectations, is healthier for her. Spencer found that as he let go of his attempts to control the drinking, his loved one seemed more likely to seek recovery. Not only did letting go make him feel better, but it paradoxically seemed to encourage change.
We talk about how we were able to begin to “let God” as we worked through the 2nd and 3rd Steps, accepting a Higher Power, and making a decision to turn our lives over to the care of that Higher Power. Mark talks about how much harder it is to turn the care of our loved ones over to a Higher Power, than to make that decision for himself. Letting go of control seemed petrifying to him. Swetha shares her journey from belief in God to disbelief, and back. Mark asks “well, then, who were you letting go TO?” Spencer and Swetha found some relief from just letting go of their actions that were not working. It didn’t necessarily take them to a positive place, but it was less negative, and that helped.
Mark had a realization one day that he was never going to have a “perfect family”, but what he did have was a family in recovery. He let go of the old vision, and accepted the new reality, which was perfect in its own way. We talk some about how this has worked in our lives, when we let go of our unrealistic expectations and visions, and accepted our true reality. We find happiness in our current lives, rather than misery from wishing they were different. Mark’s “sponsor-in-law” would say “you are exactly where you need to be”, to which Mark would say, “but I don’t like where I am.” And she would respond, “well, then there’s something you need to learn.”
We talk a bit about the value of open AA speaker talks to help us find hope for our loved ones’ recovery, which helps with letting go of our control. Their stories of recovery give us faith that we can truly “let God.” Swetha talks about the experience of hearing laughter from AA meetings, and getting hope from the joy that was expressed there.
In the segment “our lives in recovery”, Mark heard a newcomer speak of her experiences that were so parallel to his that he felt an immediate connection, letting him know that he is not alone. In another meeting, hearing a different part of his story through another person let him look at himself and pointed him to some work he needs to do for his own serenity. In her step study group, Swetha was reminded that she needs to ask her higher power to remove her shortcomings. Spencer shares that when he is asked to support another member, it helps him to strengthen his own program, too. He had several opportunities for that this week.
Next week's topic is Resentment. Please contact us by voice mail at 734-707-8795, or by email to feedback@therecoveryshow.]]> The Recovery Show full false 58:35 Expectations – Episode 6 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/#respond Mon, 14 Jan 2013 04:13:25 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=511 We talk about expectations, how they can lead to resentment and disappointment, how we recognize them, and let go of them.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/expectations-episode-6/feed/ 0 We talk about expectations, how they can lead to resentment and disappointment, how we recognize them, and let go of them. In this episode of The Recovery Show, Swetha, Kelli, and Spencer discuss expectations. Swetha wonders about the distinction between boundaries, expectations, and rules. She suggests that her boundaries are what she needs, her expectations are what she wants, and rules are an agreement about how people in a relationship will behave. Spencer notes that his expectations are frequently unexpressed – he expects others to read his mind, and to just somehow know what he expects them to do. Usually, people don't meet his unstated expectations, leading to resentment. Kelli feels that boundaries are about things “in her hula hoop”, and expectations are “outside her hula hoop”. Kelli relates the question to the Al-Anon Steps, Traditions and Concepts.
Swetha talks about becoming aware of her expectations in the program, and how being aware of them makes it easier to accept outcomes that don't meet her expectations. Spencer was not very self-aware before the program. Now that he can recognize his expectations, he is less likely to be disappointed, angry, or resentful if they are not met. Kelli talks about the expectations she has of other drivers when she is travelling, and that these are sometimes difficult to keep in check. She also notes that she can also have healthy expectations of herself.
Mark calls in from Canton and mentions the saying that high expectations lead to resentments and low expectations lead to disappointments. The second part was new to most of us and we spend some time talking about how it matches our experience. Mark also wonders how he can know if an expectation is reasonable or unreasonable. We agree that this is a difficult question. One way we have found, is to check in with another program member, maybe a sponsor, and with our Higher Power. Kelli's expectations can get out of control when she is out of touch with her Higher Power, and not living in the moment. Spencer suggests that words like “never” and “always” might indicate that he's holding an unreasonable expectation.
During the segment “Our Lives in Recovery”, Kelli talks about how she keeps the program alive in her life when she travels.
Our topic for next week will be Letting Go. You can join the conversation. Call 734-707-8795 to leave a voice mail or send email to feedback@therecoveryshow.com. If you have comments on this episode, please share them below.

Music from the show
The Spotify playlist includes the songs we played in this episode, plus one more song, Crystalized, by The Xx. Swetha said of this song, ‘I tend to apply a lot of pressure on the people around me to be exactly the same and completely consistent all the time. That's just my controlling behavior. And it's sung from the point of view of the person that is dealing with someone like me – “You apply the pressure to have me crystalised … Do I have to keep up the pace to keep you satisfied?”‘ Listen to the episode to hear why we picked King of Anything and Someone Like You.

 
]]> The Recovery Show full false 54:45 Choices – Episode 5 https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/#respond Sun, 06 Jan 2013 03:07:13 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=439 Do we have choices in our lives? What kinds of choices do we have? How have we found choices in recovery? Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer discuss our experience, strength, and hope about finding and making choices in our lives, before and after we found recovery.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2013/01/choices-episode-5/feed/ 0 We discuss how we make choices now. Prior to the program we felt that we had to go along with others' wishes. Now we know that choices are always available. Kelli, Swetha, and Spencer talk about choices. In the past, we did not understand that we had choices. Much of the time, we felt that there was no choice. We may have thought that any decision must be black and white, good and bad, or that we must make a decision right away. Much of the time, we felt constrained by the decisions made by others, such as our parents. Spencer talks about making decisions such as what house to buy, where to go to school, with very little thought. He relates that, when he was early in Al-Anon, that he was told that he did not have to make a choice immediately, that he could wait. Swetha talks about feeling that any choice must be a permanent choice, that if she chose chocolate ice cream one day, she was committed to chocolate forever. When Kelli began to understand that she had choices, she found the idea scary.<br /> <br /> We talk about the tools that we have now. Some of the slogans, such as "One day at a time", or "How important is it?" are helpful. We have learned to ask for help, through prayer and meditation, by calling other people in the program. Swetha takes her inventory when she finds herself feeling resentful, feeling forced into a choice. We have also found that choices are possible in other dimensions; that we can choose to change our reactions or our attitudes, even when we are powerless to change our situation. We can choose to be resentful or we can choose acceptance.<br /> <br /> Spencer was amazed to find that he could choose to do something different than the rest of his family wants to do. He has the power to choose to take care of his own well-being, no matter what the others in his life might want. We each share stories of our experience of making healthy choices. When we know we are heading into a potentially difficult situation, we can plan ahead, so we have a "menu" of choices that we can make to keep ourselves healthy and sane.<br /> <br /> While Swetha was on vacation with her family, she was reading an Al-Anon book, Discovering Choices.<br /> The Recovery Show full false 55:52 Denial – Pilot Episode 4 https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/#respond Sun, 30 Dec 2012 02:52:24 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=376 What is denial? How did we experience denial in our lives? What tools have we found to combat it? How is our life better when we accept reality on its own terms? Spencer, Kelli, and special guest Erika discuss these questions and share our experience, strength, and hope on the topic of denial.

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/denial-pilot-episode-4/feed/ 0 How has denial affected our lives? How do we recognize denial? How do we deal with denial? We share our experience, strength, and hope. Spencer, Kelli and Erika discuss denial. We started with a reading that said, in part "Living with alcoholics, many of us coped with an ever-shifting situation in which our sense of reality changed from one minutes to the next. We adapted by taking whatever part of reality suited us and ignoring the rest. Again and again we were devastated because reality didn’t go away just because it was ignored."<br /> <br /> We didn't really understand the concept of denial before coming into the program. Now, we are able to look back through our recovery glasses and identify times when we were ignoring the parts of reality that we didn't like. Spencer shared that he denied his loved one's alcoholism for years, at least in part because he had a particular vision of what alcoholism was, and it didn't fit their situation. Erika talks about denying her fears and feelings when they didn't fit with her vision of how her life should be.<br /> <br /> We each talk about circumstances when we were in denial, how we recognized it. Erika shares that when she finds herself in unmanageability, and trying to justify her actions or feelings, that she is likely denying some aspect of reality. Spencer had to be jolted into recognizing reality by evidence that was undeniable. He was ignoring all the clues that might contradict his expectations and wishes, until "reality crashed in" on him. Kelli might be in denial when she becomes really logical and controlling over a situation, rather than accepting it. She usually gets "a clue" when she starts trying to explain it to her sponsor or someone else in the program – their reaction makes it clear that she's not living in reality.<br /> <br /> Spencer shares that sometimes he is reluctant to use the tools of the program. He knows that these tools can help him reach serenity and acceptance. When he is not willing to use those tools, he is probably not accepting reality, and he is afraid to face whatever reality he is denying. When he can bring his fear into the open and share it with others, then he can break through his denial and start to work on solving the real problem. The reading continues with "When we share with other members about what is really going on, we cut through our denial and anchor ourselves in reality." He shares a recent experience, where finally being able to share a fear began the process of recovering from the paralyzing effect it had on his life. Erika agrees that just saying something out loud, even to herself, has power. She likes that the steps teach us a way to move into self-acceptance and out of denial. Kelli hears that we are talking about trusting the process. She does not like sharing at meetings, though.<br /> <br /> We each share our difficulties in accepting the reality that loved ones in our lives are aging, that their health is failing, and that they are mortal. Denial can be really strong here, especially when we don't have the reality in our face. We are grateful that our program gives us ways to move through the denial into acceptance, so that we can continue to enjoy the time we have left with them, and not to be paralyzed by anxiety and fear.<br /> <br /> We close with another bit of the reading, "I can’t cope with something unless i acknowledge its reality. When I am willing to look at the whole picture, I take the first step toward a more manageable life." The Recovery Show full false 58:22 Acceptance – Pilot episode 3 https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/#comments Sun, 23 Dec 2012 21:15:57 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=307 Kelli leads a discussion with Swetha and Spencer about acceptance. Kelli opened with a reading that begins “It is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional …” She speaks of her previous belief that accepting something meant thinking that it was right. She has grown into an attitude of patience, acceptance, and tolerance...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/acceptance-pilot-episode-3/feed/ 9 Kelli leads a discussion with Swetha and Spencer about acceptance. Kelli opened with a reading that begins “It is said that pain is inevitable but suffering is optional …” She speaks of her previous belief that accepting something meant thinking that i... Swetha speaks of her fear that accepting reality would mean that she had to deal with it somehow, and that she didn't know how to deal with it. She now understands that she can say “it IS”, and that she won't fall apart. Faith in her Higher Power helps her to know that she will get through whatever it is. Spencer talks about acceptance of family  members, “allowing” them to be who they are, who they have always been, and understand that they won't change. He can do his part by not triggering the unwanted behavior, and his relationships have improved as a result. Kelli says that working as a sponsor to other women in the program has helped her to learn acceptance. Spencer recorded a conversation earlier with Anne, who had a lot to say, and spoke of how accepting her feelings helps her to move through them and past them. Anne recalled the reading from AA, “And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation — some fact of my life — unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.” She talked about how she applies it in her life.
We share how we felt when our loved ones were seemingly destroying themselves and their lives by drinking or drugging. Acceptance of our loved ones' diseases helped us to support them in their own struggles without enabling, without getting in the way, without making ourselves crazy, while keeping hope alive. It was painful, but we didn't have to suffer through it. Swetha talks about past controlling, codependent behavior when she was unable to accept her loved ones way of living their life. She now realizes that  those experiences helped to prepare her for finding recovery and acceptance in the Al-Anon program, and that her life is now happy, joyous and free as a result. We agree that changing our attitude to one of acceptance has made our lives more serene, happier, and much more manageable.
Next week's topic is Denial. Please share your thoughts on denial by voice mail at (734) 707-8795 or email feedback@therecoveryshow.com.
 
Music from the program

]]> The Recovery Show full false 57:14 Powerlessness – Pilot episode 2 https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/#comments Sun, 16 Dec 2012 23:54:05 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=232 Swetha leads a discussion of powerlessness. We talk about how we understood it (or didn't) before coming to the program and how we understand it now.  Each of us discusses situations in which we feel powerlessness and how we recognize it. Kelli says that sometimes recognizing powerlessness can give her power. How can that work?...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-episode-2-powerlessness/feed/ 2 We discuss powerlessness, how we understood it before coming to the program, how we understand it now, and how recognizing powerlessness can give us power. Swetha leads a discussion of powerlessness. We talk about how we understood it (or didn't) before coming to the program and how we understand it now. Each of us discusses situations in which we feel powerlessness and how we recognize it. Kelli says that sometimes recognizing powerlessness can give her power. How can that work? Listen and find out. The Recovery Show full false 42:22 Boundaries – Pilot episode 1 https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/ https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/#comments Mon, 10 Dec 2012 16:34:10 +0000 http://therecoveryshow.com/?p=159 Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha discuss boundaries. We all agreed that before coming into the program that we pretty much did not set boundaries, for fear that others would not respect them. Instead we got angry about violations of unstated boundaries and carried those resentments. When we heard talk of boundaries in meetings, we didn't understand...

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]]> https://therecoveryshow.com/2012/12/pilot-1-boundaries/feed/ 3 In our first pilot episode, we discuss boundaries. Spencer, Kelli, and Swetha discuss boundaries. We all agreed that before coming into the program that we pretty much did not set boundaries, for fear that others would not respect them. Instead we got angry about violations of unstated boundaries and carried those resentments. When we heard talk of boundaries in meetings, we didn't understand how we could make them work. Swetha states "I thought they were something that other people could do, but not me." We found ways to set healthy boundaries on our own behavior and how we deal with others' unacceptable behavior. We also found it valuable to understand where "we" end and "others" begin, because some of us felt that we were responsible for and had to control everything around us. Boundaries help us to have relationships with "problem" people in our lives, and to keep the focus on ourselves.<br /> <br /> This is very definitely a pilot episode. It includes only our discussion of the topic, and has none of the features we intend to eventually include. The recording was done with minimal equipment, but the sound quality is reasonably good despite that. Spencer's voice at the beginning is really loud so turn down your headphone volume before you start playing it. The Recovery Show full false 27:02