Table Reads

It’s time to check back in with the Ghost With the Most™ as he once again is hired to perform a Bio-Exorcism of the Deetz family… but this time in Hawaii!It’s sure to be a fun— I’m lying. It’s awful. Just awful. Come join us in mocking the ever-loving fuck out of it. Guest-Starring Kelly Leviay!Also, Happy Valentine’s Day! Please Note: This is actually, really Part 4… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 3. That is incorrect.

This week on Table Reads, we continue our very-serious and respectful read of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian with the gravitas it truly deserves. As Lydia struggles to overcome the burden of her tedious family, she makes friends with some beatniks, proving conclusively that the screenwriter has no idea what a beatnik is.And MAYBE Beetlejuice turns up somewhere. ou’ll have to listen to find out for sure.Please Note: This is actually, really Part 3… if you donwload the file, please do not be confused by the name of the file, indicating this as part 4. That is incorrect.

The Ghost with the Most is Back! …ish.Join us for Part 2 of Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian and learn what happens when the baddest Bio-exprcist to ever tame a sand worm visits a tropical paradise! That is, if the script can move the story along that far.With special guest, Kelly Leviay!

Okay, we promised you a new original script this week, but things didn’t work out with scheduling. So, instead, we bring you one we have been ITCHING to do!That’s right, the never-to-be sequel: Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian! Really, the title says it all. For this script, Shawn and Trevor are joined by real human girl, Kelly Leviay (no more terrible falsettos!). Come marvel at the amazingly poor writing of Jonathan Gems, screenwriter for Mars Attacks.

The last Speed Read for a while (barring some unforeseen issue), we present to you what would have been a touching and thought-proving piece of drivel, had it ever been completed. This is another unfinished script by Shawn, who once again proves that he’s better than Trevor at totally failing to finish a script!Also, it was Shawn’s birthday two days ago! What do you mean, you forgot to get him a present? All he wanted was for you to SUBSCRIBE! Better do it now. Better late than never.

As we work diligently to get more full episodes ready for your voracious consumption, this week we’re bringing you another Speed Read… this time, it’s a script written by Shawn. Rather, it’s a script that Shawn got an entire PAGE into before abandoning. And boy, is it douchey! But don’t take our word for it, give it a listen!We’ll probably have one more Speed Read next week before resuming regular episodes, so be sure to subscribe so you can get them as soon as they post!

Happy 2017, everyone! We’re still off for the holidays, so we have a Speed Read for you: A shorter script that comes in shorter than our usual episoides, just to remind you that we exist!This script is called H20, sort for Hollywood 20, the movie theater that both Shawn and Jimie spent years working at. When this unfinished script was discovered floating around on a hard drive, no one could remember having written it, but as the reading progresses it becomes imminently clear that Shawn was behind it. Not enough to finish it, but whatever.Enjoy this Speed Read and we’ll be back soon with a new feature!

Trevor and Shawn are out of town for the Holidays, so we recorded some short subject, quick episodes to tide you over on such occasions that we’re calling Speed Reads. This was to be the first of them, but it ended up coming in at the length of a regular episode, so we’re posting it as a regular episode. But lucky you, it’s just one part!This is a short film that Trevor wrote and even mostly filmed back in about 2000. But it was never completed so you get to experience it as a podcast. Remember this moment, because you’ll be telling your children about it. And when you’re done listening to this episode, try to imagine this stretched out into a 160-Page feature! Because THAT’S the next thing we’re recording! Oh, it’s gonna be glorious.And if you’d like to read alon [...]

Hey everyone, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for, the SHOCKING* conclusion of Carnivore! That’s right, it’s finally time to find out what’s going on with John and the soup kitchen, who’s for dinner and just who the Hell Rex Mundi really is. Strap in, it’s gonna be hack-a-licious!*In this instance “shocking” should be taken to mean “absolutely telegraphed every step of the way starting on page one.”

Welcome to the latest installment of Table Reads for the penultimate reading of Carnivore by the Wachowskis. Here, we see the script’s downward progression in quality and not-suck-itude continue, as… Okay, I don’t remember what happens in this episode. We recorded it like a month ago and I haven’t had time to re-listen to it.YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO BE SURPRISED.

Okay, NOW things are getting good! Which, as you should know by now, means bad. This is the spisode where the script (Carnivore by the Wachowskis) gets pretty ridiculous. It is pretty great fun and we’re glad to have you join us for the fun. With special guest Jimie Williams!And remember, if you hate this podcast, click subscribe. Oh, boy, do we hate when people do that!

Welcome back to part 2 of Carnivore by the Wachowskis… Part 1 was actually better than anticipated and didn’t leave too much room for mockery. But not to worry, Part 2 improves… by which I mean, worstens. Which is more fun! With special guest Jimie Williams!Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving (or, if you’re not in the US: Thursday)!Also, please subscribe. Pretty please. Someone told me begging works. No, it wasn’t a woman, why do you ask?

It’s a NEW SCRIPT!!This week, we start reading the first, unfulfilled script by The Wachowski Brothers (at the time) Larry and Andy (now Lana and Lilly). The script is called Carnivore and has never been unleashed on the world… until now. Join us as we learn that, yes, even successful filmmakers like the Wachowskis can start their careers thinking they’re far more clever than they actually are. Listen as they lay the most glaringly obvious foreshadowing in the history of cinema.With special guest Jimie Williams!And don’t forget to subscribe!

Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been!To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you’ve probably noticed by now that we stop to mock shit a lot and digress more than we should, so it takes a while. This is THE FINAL PART! You did it! You reached the end!!!

Batman v Superman, Dawn of Justice was re-unleashed on the world this summer, in the form of an even longer pile of garbage, so the time seems ripe to visit what might have been!To that end, we present Asylum: Batman vs. Superman! This was a script from 2002 that was meant for a 2003 release. There are some tiny seeds of what would become BvS:DoJ but it is VASTLY different and, if we may get all preachy for a moment: seems to actually get who these characters are.This is another feature and you’ve probably noticed by now that we stop to mock shit a lot and digress more than we should, so it takes a while. This is part 7.